March 13, 2024 • 23 mins
Previously recorded
Hey y'all, wassup? In today's special throwback episode, Jess is helping a successful young woman with navigating her loneliness. Then, she helps someone avoid baby mama drama! TAP IN!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and
the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back on
the air. Welcome back to yat another carefully Reckless with
your girl Jess. Hilarious. We're gonna jump right into just
(00:21):
Fix My Mess. We do not have any voice memos,
so I'm just gonna be reading all right. Here we go.
Hey Jos, I'm a big fan. I go and see
you every time you come to town. I've been doing
so good for myself. I'm a newly licensed cosmetologist. I
graduated in December within associates in cosmetology in business in
two years. I currently have a full scholarship to a
(00:43):
private university to complete my bachelor in Computer science this fall.
I'm currently in the Army National Guard for North Carolina.
I've been in for eight years and for the most part,
I'm financially stable. Since January, I've picked up two part
time jobs, work study job, and I volunteer my time
for funeral services when I'm free. Oh okay. I was
(01:06):
deployed in twenty nineteen and was overseas during COVID. I've
really accomplished a lot in a little time. I even
ran cross country with my school for two years and
won two championships. But lately I've been really sad, like
really sad. It's been almost three months since I stopped
running heavily, and honestly, I thought that was my issue,
so I started working out and running again. I still
(01:28):
feel sad. I love to paint, and even painting doesn't
help me feel better. My love life sucks, and you
put four Essa's on that shit. It sucks. I have
no boyfriend. I'm not even talking or messaging anyone on
the regular. I'm really alone. I have friends, but they
are all in relationships, some married, all with kids. Though
(01:49):
I feel like I'm so different from everyone around me.
I've tried talking to people, but that does mean no good.
The men around here are some bitches. I'm lonely. I've
seen for National Help, which saved my life after my deployment.
I just feel like I'm missing something and I'm hurting.
I'm happy with myself and I have peace within myself,
(02:09):
but I'm just lonely. My sister have a mental illness,
which played the biggest part in my life. I created
a monster, my alter ego because of the emotional weight
it had on my life. It really got bad. I've
dug myself out of the hurt and anger that came
with it. Now that I'm accomplishing all of these things
(02:30):
and doing good for myself, I feel more and more lonely.
I don't want a relationship, but I need someone there
for me. I haven't had intercourse in months, and I
just want to hug. I'm not getting any of my
emotional needs met from anybody in my life. I love
myself more than anything. I have plans to take over
the world, but I'm missing something. I know you're a
(02:51):
successful black woman, and I listen to you all the time.
You give such great advice and you have such a
huge platform. Any advice on getting out of this loan,
on the journey of being successful. I'm so stuck. I'm
twenty seven, by the way, what twenty seven? I'm young
enough to take my time. But then again, I'm stepping
(03:11):
into a whole different part of womanhood. I really need
to get over this emotional hump, all right, So I
just want to apologize for the background noise. I'm actually
in my home. I'm getting it cleaned right now, and
I have to find any and every time I can
to deliver y'all these episodes, so pardon me and parting
my cleaners. But listen, first and foremost, I can sympathize
(03:32):
with you because I'm not gonna say I'm going through
the same thing, but I'm kind of in the same
place in my life. I wouldn't consider it going through something.
And the only reason why I say that is it's
just not your time here. I am thirty one, and
I thought that there was a time clock on my
love life. I thought that there was like a deadline
(03:55):
that I had to reach in order for me to
get married, or a deadline to have kids, a deadline
to be in love. It literally is none of that.
It's just not your time, just like it's not my time. Now.
You're twenty seven, You're still in your twenties. I think
what you are probably feeling is that you're so busy
because you talk about how independent you are, how you
got all this going on, all your accolades. You know,
(04:16):
you've been in school doing this, you got this degree,
you're working on this degree, You love yourself and all this.
I think you don't even make room enough for somebody
else to tell you any of that because you're that's
all you gave me up front. I don't know if
you ever saw the movie Think Like a Man. Taraji
p Henson's character on There was a very strong independent
woman who felt like she didn't need a man for anything.
(04:39):
She just wanted that feeling. She just wanted to be hugged,
She wanted to be kissed, but she still felt as if, Oh,
I don't need a man for anything. I don't need love.
I don't need I just want it. I feel that's
how you are. You're just a bit younger. We get
so caught up in what we can do for ourselves
that we never really give grace to our companion or
(05:00):
whoever the companion may be in the future or whatever,
to do the same. Now you said that you are
stepping into a whole different part of womanhood. Yeah, but
that doesn't mean that you have to have everything that
you think you should have just because you're stepping into
a whole point of womanhood. Now you said you're the
loneliest one in your whole friend circle. Everybody else is
(05:23):
in relationships or they're married, they have different paths. We
often get caught up in what other people are doing
that we can't really focus on ourselves. You feel like
you're deserving of love because you accomplished everything else. No,
you may have to wait longer for love than anything
else because you already have everything, And then it may
just not be your season two love. Maybe you're supposed
(05:43):
to be so focused that you'll be distracted by love
if it came to you. Right now. You have to
think positive in all aspects of your life. That's the
only negative in your mind. And it's not even a negative.
It's just not your time. That is the only advice
I have for you. Take your time because it's not time.
It's not your time for love. Take your time doing
(06:03):
everything else. Continue to stay focused, continue to work very
very hard, and it'll all pay off. I don't know
if you are a spiritual I don't know if you're religious,
but the God that I pray to is a very
very loyal god, and he's not ever going to let
us be lonely. You're not lonely, You're just alone. And
I'm not telling you how to feel. I'm just telling
you I know the feeling all too well. I thought
(06:26):
it was a season of loneliness for me. No it's not.
It was just that I was alone, and you have
to learn how to be by yourself. If you love yourself,
that's what you're gonna do, you know, first, because you
need to turn that definition of loneliness into just being alone.
You just don't like being alone, but you have to
learn how to do that and love on yourself, so
(06:47):
when someone finally does come to love on you, you'll
know how to accept it. You know, you have to
make certain decisions about yourself and what you'll take and
what you won't take, and just learn yourself. You need
to be taking this time to learn yourself. You still
in your twenties. You don't even really get to know
who you are until you step into that thirty mark.
I thought I had it all figured out too when
(07:08):
I was twenty three and twenty five and twenty six.
It's just because my parents raise a very mature young lady.
So I'm well before my time, but I still didn't
know everything. You're well before your time. You still don't
know everything. You don't know who you are going to
be as a woman in love. You just don't know.
So you can't just make that decision and just say
(07:30):
I'm tired of being lonely. Nobody's gonna you know, I'm
I don't talk to anybody right now? Do you get out?
It seems like you work so much that you wouldn't
even be able to mix and mingle. It seems like
you don't really get out for like just drinks. You don't.
And then have you ever gotten any advice from your
married friends and from your friends and relationships and from
the outside looking in? Are they all great and in
(07:53):
love and happy? Is every single person happy? You know
what I'm saying. Sometimes you could be saving yourself. Sometimes
it's just better to hold fast and wait. It's not
your time, baby, it ain't even my time. I used
to wake up every day like I need to have
kids by thirty I need to be married by thirty two.
Why do we put deadlines on ourselves? I come to
tell you right now, I'm thirty one, and I see
(08:15):
what my thirties are gonna be like Now, I'm gonna
be a movie's I'm gonna barely have time to sit down,
get married and have a baby. That doesn't mean it's
not gonna happen. But now I notice I'm not saying
the same thing that I was saying at twenty eight
and twenty seven that I'm saying at thirty one my
deadline was pushed out. Why because it's not supposed to
be a deadline put on your life for anything. The
(08:35):
only deadline you have is death, and we don't know
what that is. Fortunately, we don't know when that is,
so check back in with me. I'll let you know
when I get a man. You let me know when
you get a man. All right, all right, I love you,
you young black successful woman. If you love me, you'll
listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back
moving on. Hey, Jess, I just want to say I
(08:58):
love your show, and hopefully you can fix my mess.
We're going to call this a fall from grace. Oh lord, girl,
you've been watching too much Soler. Hooray. Let me take
you back to the summer of twenty twenty, before COVID hit.
I was living my best life, Jess, traveling, partying on
the lodge with it. It's a Detroit thing, hot girl,
summer obs all around. For the first time in a
(09:18):
long time, I finally felt like I found myself. I
was drama free, genuinely happy and abandoned. Hi, you must
have meant unabandoned. I felt free. I was going through
a little breakup and my feelings were hurt, but I
was healing but still enjoying my life. Fast forward to
twenty twenty one and COVID was on a rampage, and
to be honest, I worked so much that I didn't
(09:40):
even know what was going on until I went to
the grocery store and it was completely empty, and I
was like, damn, this is real. I was still happy
in doing me, but I was just in the house
with it until one day I was approached by this guy.
We're gonna call him gossip boy. Damn, Oh lord, can't
up and be good about a nigga you calling gossip
boy gossip boy. It came up to me and started
(10:01):
a conversation with me, and he seemed to be a
cool guy, so I gave him my number. We hit
it off pretty quickly and we started spending time together.
What I like most about him is that he made
me laugh and we had a pretty good vibe. He
was staying with his sister at the time, so the
first time we hung out was at my apartment. Just
this man gave me big dick vibes, oh wow, and
I was really feeling him. One thing led to another
(10:23):
and clothes started coming off, and bitch, I'm excited. Oh yeah,
because I just knew that he had the King Kong Man.
When that nigga took off his pants, my face went
from mm to translation. But he had a mini beer can.
But I still went through with it because I genuinely
liked him. After that happened, he would be at my
(10:45):
place all the time and basically was moved in. Oh shit,
the first red flag. I was about to say a girl.
All right. We worked at a factory and I pretty
much stayed to myself. Nobody knew me until I started
talking to him, and people somehow knew all of our business.
I would ask him, why are you running your mouth? God,
Sip been like a bitch. Every time I would ask him,
(11:06):
he would deny telling anybody anything. Red Flag number two
mm mmmm. Every time we had sex, he would apologize
for how small his dickad is in the middle of
us having sex, and I'm like, nigga, I'm trying to
concentrate on busting shut up. Red Flag number three. He
always said I was going to have his baby. I
tried to get rid of him but he always suckered
(11:27):
me into staying with him. By July, I was really
over it, and as soon as I was about to
kick his ass to the curb, guess who popped up
pregnant ding ding ding yo ass damn, damn damn in
my Florida Evans voice. So I found out that I
was eight weeks pregnant and shit still ain't improven. So
one day I left work early. He stayed, so I
politely put his stuff on the other side of the door. Wait.
(11:52):
I told him we should just focus on col parentsing
and see what happens. He agreed, and things started to
get better okay, until my friend told me he was
around with another girl at our job. I didn't know
because my job put me on maternity leave early. When
I confronted him about it, he said he was just
pimping her out and he didn't care about her. We
argued for weeks. I asked him to just please leave
(12:15):
her alone and focus on our family. That bitch told
me he ain't given up on this opportunity for nobody.
So once he said that, I blocked him and just
focused on me and my pregnancy. I was hurt. But anyways,
when I was five months pregnant. I decided to move
out of the state to have more support from my family.
I told him about it. He didn't like it, but
I had to do what was best for my daughter.
(12:37):
Mm hm. So one day I called him because I
missed him, and that's when I found out that the
girl he was pimping out was pregnant with his child too,
and he was happy. He told me he finally got
what he wanted and this is going to be end all,
be all. When I tell you, that broke me, Jess, like,
how could you do that to me? Like I have
never been betrayed like that in my life. Technically weren't together,
(13:01):
but I was pregnant with your child. I wasn't out
here fucking nobody. I was alone and pregnant for months.
I would ask him to help me get some things
for our daughter, and he would tell me his girl
and his son needs it more. He treated my daughter
like a second option. He would verbally abuse me and yeah,
I popped my shit too. Yeah you're from Detroit, I know,
(13:23):
but it's different when a nigga is constantly gaslighting me.
Somehow he finds a way to be a victim all
that manipulating shit. Gird can't stand it. It's really beyond me. Yes,
I had my petty moments and said fucked up things
to him, but he is the common denominator for everything.
He blames me for having another baby. I had my
(13:44):
daughter in March of twenty twenty two, and a few
days later I got a real bad case of COVID
and pneumonia to the point where I was incubated for
three weeks and I almost died. So dealing with that trauma,
being a new mom and the bullshit from him had
did a lot of damage to my mental health. I
became a depressed, alcoholic and overall and unpleasant person to
(14:05):
be all around. I finally made the decision to cut
him off and focus on myself and my daughter, but
even with that, it didn't help. Every time I get
drunk and I'm talking about blacked out drink, I'm crying
and talking about my baby. Daddy hurt me. Oh God,
I just want to heal. I just want to be
happy again. Jess, can you please help me and give
(14:25):
me some advice? Thank you, and I'm sorry for the
long written message. PS. I forgot to mention that the
girl he was messing with knew about me the whole time,
and she be on fuck shit with his ass. But
it's okay because when I see her or them, I'm
beating the ass. I love you, Jess. Also, I'm a
real person, but I deleted all my social media accounts,
so I created this one to contact you. Okay, I
(14:47):
totally get a girl. It don't matter. I didn't even
need that last part. I could tell you a real
person because this shit is too fucking specific for you
not to be a fucking real person. Hold up, hold up,
I know this shit getting good, But listen to just
a couple seconds of a comer. If you love me,
you'll listen, all right, First and foremost, let's start from
where you caught my attention. All right, So you wanted
(15:08):
it to be over, you did. You really did want
it to be over with him. You put a shit
on the other side of your door. You was ready,
You were fed up with it. You didn't quite tell
me exactly why you were fed up with it, because
I know the little penis cannot be the only thing.
Because you still hung in there. You hung in there
enough to get the bun in the oven. He got
you pregnant, that that little bit can had some little
(15:30):
soldiers marching through it, all right, because he got your
ass pregnant, big dick or not? All right, But you
didn't quite tell me why you wanted to be done.
That's all you mentioned was just his small penis, all right,
But you had this stuff outside the dough. You find
out you're pregnant, you still wanted them gone. It wasn't
until you found out that he was dealing with somebody
(15:51):
else at the job then you were hurt. Now, listen,
were you hurt because you didn't want him to deal
with nobody else? Was it just the fact that it
was somebody at the job? Did you think that he
may have been fucking with somebody else before y'all broke up?
Or what? Because if you wanted him gone that bad,
why did it matter to you so much to find
(16:12):
out that he was dealing with somebody like y'all weren't together,
you know what I mean. You had already put him
out by then, So I'm just curious to know. Now,
it could have been a hormonal situation because you said
you were pregnant. You could have been having different feelings
that would change. You could have been in and out
with it, like I want him, but then I don't
want him. And these could have all been blamed on
your hormonal changes or whatever with you being pregnant, but
(16:35):
it seemed that you were very concrete in your answer
because you wanted this nigga gone before you even found
out that you were pregnant. So that's what I'm trying
to get to. But you're not here to talk to
me in real time about it, so I want you
to check back with me. Moving on to a later
part of the story, you said, let's co parents. He
was fine with that, But then, okay, I'm back pedaling
because that's what I'm saying. You were fine with everything
(16:57):
until you found out about the damn girl. So that's
why I said, were you're really over him? Because sometimes
we may think that we don't want a person until
they're gone. In other words, basically, you don't know what
you got until it's gone. Now, I'm not saying he
was the best thing that ever happened to you, and
or nor vice versa. I'm not saying you're the best
thing to happen to him, but obviously you felt the
way and you wanted him back after you found out
that he was with somebody else. You said, the girl
(17:18):
knew about you the whole time. Fuck her. She ain't
got no loyalty to you. You ain't gonna be high
ass because you got a daughter to take care of.
Fuck that, fuck them, Fuck that, all right, You ain't
gonna be high ass because, to be honest with you,
her daughter or her child and your child are siblings,
whether you like it or not. So don't beat her ass.
Don't beat her ass. I made that mistake. One of
my baby father's other baby mothers, I beat her ass.
(17:39):
We're cordial now, but I still regret doing that because
I wasn't thinking about my child or her child, who
I also look at as another child of mine. You
know what I'm saying, and how it could potentially hurt
them later. Or my son could say to his sister
one day, they argument, that's what my mother beat your
mother ass. You know, did she look at me a
certain way? Or you know, vice versa. You just don't
(18:01):
want to do that. You're plan a dangerous game when
it comes to your children and their parent, the other parent.
They're not worth it anyway, all right. You moved out
of town. He ain't doing shit for your baby. He
could be bitter that you didn't want a relationship with him.
He could be better. I'm not justifying, but he just
seems like he's bitter to you. You can't make a
man step up and do shit, So you need to
(18:21):
go through the courts. Because obviously y'all don't even live
in the same place. You need help with their baby.
So this is a good time to put them on
child support. Yep, this is a good time because this
would be a case where the mom actually needed. You know,
women put men on child support for many different reasons,
but the right reason is for the child and because
(18:44):
you can't do everything on your own, and you did
not make that baby girl on your own. So this
is what I would call a great opportunity to seek
assistance through the courts. Put them on child support, some
type of government assistance. You would need to help take
care of your baby. All right, understand that you're bitter,
but you also need to heal. Like you said, you
(19:04):
need to fucking heal. He ain't coming back, and even
if the fuck he would come back, would you take
him exactly? We have to ask ourselves that what could
he give you right now to make you happy? Another baby, love,
a relationship, a cheating one, back and forth? What could
he do right now to make you happy? Nothing? Take
(19:24):
care of your daughter, But it ain't even that for you.
It's the fact that you're still bitter about what he
did to you with another woman. It ain't even all
about your daughter. Yes, you're damn sure upset that he
won't help you take care of your baby, but you're
upset with matters of the heart too. You know, more
so what he did to you in the relationship and
what he didn't do after the relationship, or you know,
(19:45):
or you felt like you cheated or whatever, or just
sometimes we don't want to see the person that we
love with someone else. We're not ready to move on.
But you need to do so. And it starts with
you just reflecting on who you are, you having to
do everything by yourself, and asking yourself that real question,
that very real question, What could this nigga do for
(20:07):
me right now that's gonna make me happy in my heart?
Not the baby me. What can he do drop everything
and come live here? Then he got another baby, then
he still got other kids with that of a girl
somewhere else, You know what I'm saying, like, just just
wake up and think about that, because you deserve much
better and you're gonna get much better because you're still young.
(20:28):
You got a lot more life to live. And so
does your baby girl. Get back to me, cause if
you feel like nobody love you, I'm telling you I
love you, and that little girl loves you too. So no,
ain't nobody worth your peace and your sanity because you
need that to take care of your child, and you
need that to get past all your trauma. And that's
just what it is. It's past trauma. I'm not asking
you to forget it in a sense, but in a
(20:48):
sense I am move on and forget it. Bury that
shit because remembering ain't gonna do nothing for you but
hold you back. And just like that, we've come to
the end of another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl.
Just hilarious. Make sure you tune into Cold Parents and
Therapy every other Wednesday. Listen, y'all. My trip in Aruba
threw me off. Y'all. I didn't deliver an episode for
(21:11):
Carefully Reckless. I didn't deliver cole parenting on YouTube. I
didn't deliver any promotions for my Messy Vision products my
glasses and we got new new glasses coming soon. I
also will be doing Breakfast Club with DJ Envy and
mother fucking CHARLAMAGNEA God, y'all listen. I'll be doing that
all this week. If you ain't already heard, make sure
(21:32):
you tune into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday and
then my deepest pan boys can't. Fully Reckless is a
(22:49):
production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect. For more
podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and
the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back on
the air. Welcome back to yat another carefully Reckless with
your girl Jess. Hilarious. We're gonna jump right into just
(00:21):
Fix My Mess. We do not have any voice memos,
so I'm just gonna be reading all right. Here we go.
Hey Jos, I'm a big fan. I go and see
you every time you come to town. I've been doing
so good for myself. I'm a newly licensed cosmetologist. I
graduated in December within associates in cosmetology in business in
two years. I currently have a full scholarship to a
(00:43):
private university to complete my bachelor in Computer science this fall.
I'm currently in the Army National Guard for North Carolina.
I've been in for eight years and for the most part,
I'm financially stable. Since January, I've picked up two part
time jobs, work study job, and I volunteer my time
for funeral services when I'm free. Oh okay. I was
(01:06):
deployed in twenty nineteen and was overseas during COVID. I've
really accomplished a lot in a little time. I even
ran cross country with my school for two years and
won two championships. But lately I've been really sad, like
really sad. It's been almost three months since I stopped
running heavily, and honestly, I thought that was my issue,
so I started working out and running again. I still
(01:28):
feel sad. I love to paint, and even painting doesn't
help me feel better. My love life sucks, and you
put four Essa's on that shit. It sucks. I have
no boyfriend. I'm not even talking or messaging anyone on
the regular. I'm really alone. I have friends, but they
are all in relationships, some married, all with kids. Though
(01:49):
I feel like I'm so different from everyone around me.
I've tried talking to people, but that does mean no good.
The men around here are some bitches. I'm lonely. I've
seen for National Help, which saved my life after my deployment.
I just feel like I'm missing something and I'm hurting.
I'm happy with myself and I have peace within myself,
(02:09):
but I'm just lonely. My sister have a mental illness,
which played the biggest part in my life. I created
a monster, my alter ego because of the emotional weight
it had on my life. It really got bad. I've
dug myself out of the hurt and anger that came
with it. Now that I'm accomplishing all of these things
(02:30):
and doing good for myself, I feel more and more lonely.
I don't want a relationship, but I need someone there
for me. I haven't had intercourse in months, and I
just want to hug. I'm not getting any of my
emotional needs met from anybody in my life. I love
myself more than anything. I have plans to take over
the world, but I'm missing something. I know you're a
(02:51):
successful black woman, and I listen to you all the time.
You give such great advice and you have such a
huge platform. Any advice on getting out of this loan,
on the journey of being successful. I'm so stuck. I'm
twenty seven, by the way, what twenty seven? I'm young
enough to take my time. But then again, I'm stepping
(03:11):
into a whole different part of womanhood. I really need
to get over this emotional hump, all right, So I
just want to apologize for the background noise. I'm actually
in my home. I'm getting it cleaned right now, and
I have to find any and every time I can
to deliver y'all these episodes, so pardon me and parting
my cleaners. But listen, first and foremost, I can sympathize
(03:32):
with you because I'm not gonna say I'm going through
the same thing, but I'm kind of in the same
place in my life. I wouldn't consider it going through something.
And the only reason why I say that is it's
just not your time here. I am thirty one, and
I thought that there was a time clock on my
love life. I thought that there was like a deadline
(03:55):
that I had to reach in order for me to
get married, or a deadline to have kids, a deadline
to be in love. It literally is none of that.
It's just not your time, just like it's not my time. Now.
You're twenty seven, You're still in your twenties. I think
what you are probably feeling is that you're so busy
because you talk about how independent you are, how you
got all this going on, all your accolades. You know,
(04:16):
you've been in school doing this, you got this degree,
you're working on this degree, You love yourself and all this.
I think you don't even make room enough for somebody
else to tell you any of that because you're that's
all you gave me up front. I don't know if
you ever saw the movie Think Like a Man. Taraji
p Henson's character on There was a very strong independent
woman who felt like she didn't need a man for anything.
(04:39):
She just wanted that feeling. She just wanted to be hugged,
She wanted to be kissed, but she still felt as if, Oh,
I don't need a man for anything. I don't need love.
I don't need I just want it. I feel that's
how you are. You're just a bit younger. We get
so caught up in what we can do for ourselves
that we never really give grace to our companion or
(05:00):
whoever the companion may be in the future or whatever,
to do the same. Now you said that you are
stepping into a whole different part of womanhood. Yeah, but
that doesn't mean that you have to have everything that
you think you should have just because you're stepping into
a whole point of womanhood. Now you said you're the
loneliest one in your whole friend circle. Everybody else is
(05:23):
in relationships or they're married, they have different paths. We
often get caught up in what other people are doing
that we can't really focus on ourselves. You feel like
you're deserving of love because you accomplished everything else. No,
you may have to wait longer for love than anything
else because you already have everything, And then it may
just not be your season two love. Maybe you're supposed
(05:43):
to be so focused that you'll be distracted by love
if it came to you. Right now. You have to
think positive in all aspects of your life. That's the
only negative in your mind. And it's not even a negative.
It's just not your time. That is the only advice
I have for you. Take your time because it's not time.
It's not your time for love. Take your time doing
(06:03):
everything else. Continue to stay focused, continue to work very
very hard, and it'll all pay off. I don't know
if you are a spiritual I don't know if you're religious,
but the God that I pray to is a very
very loyal god, and he's not ever going to let
us be lonely. You're not lonely, You're just alone. And
I'm not telling you how to feel. I'm just telling
you I know the feeling all too well. I thought
(06:26):
it was a season of loneliness for me. No it's not.
It was just that I was alone, and you have
to learn how to be by yourself. If you love yourself,
that's what you're gonna do, you know, first, because you
need to turn that definition of loneliness into just being alone.
You just don't like being alone, but you have to
learn how to do that and love on yourself, so
(06:47):
when someone finally does come to love on you, you'll
know how to accept it. You know, you have to
make certain decisions about yourself and what you'll take and
what you won't take, and just learn yourself. You need
to be taking this time to learn yourself. You still
in your twenties. You don't even really get to know
who you are until you step into that thirty mark.
I thought I had it all figured out too when
(07:08):
I was twenty three and twenty five and twenty six.
It's just because my parents raise a very mature young lady.
So I'm well before my time, but I still didn't
know everything. You're well before your time. You still don't
know everything. You don't know who you are going to
be as a woman in love. You just don't know.
So you can't just make that decision and just say
(07:30):
I'm tired of being lonely. Nobody's gonna you know, I'm
I don't talk to anybody right now? Do you get out?
It seems like you work so much that you wouldn't
even be able to mix and mingle. It seems like
you don't really get out for like just drinks. You don't.
And then have you ever gotten any advice from your
married friends and from your friends and relationships and from
the outside looking in? Are they all great and in
(07:53):
love and happy? Is every single person happy? You know
what I'm saying. Sometimes you could be saving yourself. Sometimes
it's just better to hold fast and wait. It's not
your time, baby, it ain't even my time. I used
to wake up every day like I need to have
kids by thirty I need to be married by thirty two.
Why do we put deadlines on ourselves? I come to
tell you right now, I'm thirty one, and I see
(08:15):
what my thirties are gonna be like Now, I'm gonna
be a movie's I'm gonna barely have time to sit down,
get married and have a baby. That doesn't mean it's
not gonna happen. But now I notice I'm not saying
the same thing that I was saying at twenty eight
and twenty seven that I'm saying at thirty one my
deadline was pushed out. Why because it's not supposed to
be a deadline put on your life for anything. The
(08:35):
only deadline you have is death, and we don't know
what that is. Fortunately, we don't know when that is,
so check back in with me. I'll let you know
when I get a man. You let me know when
you get a man. All right, all right, I love you,
you young black successful woman. If you love me, you'll
listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back
moving on. Hey, Jess, I just want to say I
(08:58):
love your show, and hopefully you can fix my mess.
We're going to call this a fall from grace. Oh lord, girl,
you've been watching too much Soler. Hooray. Let me take
you back to the summer of twenty twenty, before COVID hit.
I was living my best life, Jess, traveling, partying on
the lodge with it. It's a Detroit thing, hot girl,
summer obs all around. For the first time in a
(09:18):
long time, I finally felt like I found myself. I
was drama free, genuinely happy and abandoned. Hi, you must
have meant unabandoned. I felt free. I was going through
a little breakup and my feelings were hurt, but I
was healing but still enjoying my life. Fast forward to
twenty twenty one and COVID was on a rampage, and
to be honest, I worked so much that I didn't
(09:40):
even know what was going on until I went to
the grocery store and it was completely empty, and I
was like, damn, this is real. I was still happy
in doing me, but I was just in the house
with it until one day I was approached by this guy.
We're gonna call him gossip boy. Damn, Oh lord, can't
up and be good about a nigga you calling gossip
boy gossip boy. It came up to me and started
(10:01):
a conversation with me, and he seemed to be a
cool guy, so I gave him my number. We hit
it off pretty quickly and we started spending time together.
What I like most about him is that he made
me laugh and we had a pretty good vibe. He
was staying with his sister at the time, so the
first time we hung out was at my apartment. Just
this man gave me big dick vibes, oh wow, and
I was really feeling him. One thing led to another
(10:23):
and clothes started coming off, and bitch, I'm excited. Oh yeah,
because I just knew that he had the King Kong Man.
When that nigga took off his pants, my face went
from mm to translation. But he had a mini beer can.
But I still went through with it because I genuinely
liked him. After that happened, he would be at my
(10:45):
place all the time and basically was moved in. Oh shit,
the first red flag. I was about to say a girl.
All right. We worked at a factory and I pretty
much stayed to myself. Nobody knew me until I started
talking to him, and people somehow knew all of our business.
I would ask him, why are you running your mouth? God,
Sip been like a bitch. Every time I would ask him,
(11:06):
he would deny telling anybody anything. Red Flag number two
mm mmmm. Every time we had sex, he would apologize
for how small his dickad is in the middle of
us having sex, and I'm like, nigga, I'm trying to
concentrate on busting shut up. Red Flag number three. He
always said I was going to have his baby. I
tried to get rid of him but he always suckered
(11:27):
me into staying with him. By July, I was really
over it, and as soon as I was about to
kick his ass to the curb, guess who popped up
pregnant ding ding ding yo ass damn, damn damn in
my Florida Evans voice. So I found out that I
was eight weeks pregnant and shit still ain't improven. So
one day I left work early. He stayed, so I
politely put his stuff on the other side of the door. Wait.
(11:52):
I told him we should just focus on col parentsing
and see what happens. He agreed, and things started to
get better okay, until my friend told me he was
around with another girl at our job. I didn't know
because my job put me on maternity leave early. When
I confronted him about it, he said he was just
pimping her out and he didn't care about her. We
argued for weeks. I asked him to just please leave
(12:15):
her alone and focus on our family. That bitch told
me he ain't given up on this opportunity for nobody.
So once he said that, I blocked him and just
focused on me and my pregnancy. I was hurt. But anyways,
when I was five months pregnant. I decided to move
out of the state to have more support from my family.
I told him about it. He didn't like it, but
I had to do what was best for my daughter.
(12:37):
Mm hm. So one day I called him because I
missed him, and that's when I found out that the
girl he was pimping out was pregnant with his child too,
and he was happy. He told me he finally got
what he wanted and this is going to be end all,
be all. When I tell you, that broke me, Jess, like,
how could you do that to me? Like I have
never been betrayed like that in my life. Technically weren't together,
(13:01):
but I was pregnant with your child. I wasn't out
here fucking nobody. I was alone and pregnant for months.
I would ask him to help me get some things
for our daughter, and he would tell me his girl
and his son needs it more. He treated my daughter
like a second option. He would verbally abuse me and yeah,
I popped my shit too. Yeah you're from Detroit, I know,
(13:23):
but it's different when a nigga is constantly gaslighting me.
Somehow he finds a way to be a victim all
that manipulating shit. Gird can't stand it. It's really beyond me. Yes,
I had my petty moments and said fucked up things
to him, but he is the common denominator for everything.
He blames me for having another baby. I had my
(13:44):
daughter in March of twenty twenty two, and a few
days later I got a real bad case of COVID
and pneumonia to the point where I was incubated for
three weeks and I almost died. So dealing with that trauma,
being a new mom and the bullshit from him had
did a lot of damage to my mental health. I
became a depressed, alcoholic and overall and unpleasant person to
(14:05):
be all around. I finally made the decision to cut
him off and focus on myself and my daughter, but
even with that, it didn't help. Every time I get
drunk and I'm talking about blacked out drink, I'm crying
and talking about my baby. Daddy hurt me. Oh God,
I just want to heal. I just want to be
happy again. Jess, can you please help me and give
(14:25):
me some advice? Thank you, and I'm sorry for the
long written message. PS. I forgot to mention that the
girl he was messing with knew about me the whole time,
and she be on fuck shit with his ass. But
it's okay because when I see her or them, I'm
beating the ass. I love you, Jess. Also, I'm a
real person, but I deleted all my social media accounts,
so I created this one to contact you. Okay, I
(14:47):
totally get a girl. It don't matter. I didn't even
need that last part. I could tell you a real
person because this shit is too fucking specific for you
not to be a fucking real person. Hold up, hold up,
I know this shit getting good, But listen to just
a couple seconds of a comer. If you love me,
you'll listen, all right, First and foremost, let's start from
where you caught my attention. All right, So you wanted
(15:08):
it to be over, you did. You really did want
it to be over with him. You put a shit
on the other side of your door. You was ready,
You were fed up with it. You didn't quite tell
me exactly why you were fed up with it, because
I know the little penis cannot be the only thing.
Because you still hung in there. You hung in there
enough to get the bun in the oven. He got
you pregnant, that that little bit can had some little
(15:30):
soldiers marching through it, all right, because he got your
ass pregnant, big dick or not? All right, But you
didn't quite tell me why you wanted to be done.
That's all you mentioned was just his small penis, all right,
But you had this stuff outside the dough. You find
out you're pregnant, you still wanted them gone. It wasn't
until you found out that he was dealing with somebody
(15:51):
else at the job then you were hurt. Now, listen,
were you hurt because you didn't want him to deal
with nobody else? Was it just the fact that it
was somebody at the job? Did you think that he
may have been fucking with somebody else before y'all broke up?
Or what? Because if you wanted him gone that bad,
why did it matter to you so much to find
(16:12):
out that he was dealing with somebody like y'all weren't together,
you know what I mean. You had already put him
out by then, So I'm just curious to know. Now,
it could have been a hormonal situation because you said
you were pregnant. You could have been having different feelings
that would change. You could have been in and out
with it, like I want him, but then I don't
want him. And these could have all been blamed on
your hormonal changes or whatever with you being pregnant, but
(16:35):
it seemed that you were very concrete in your answer
because you wanted this nigga gone before you even found
out that you were pregnant. So that's what I'm trying
to get to. But you're not here to talk to
me in real time about it, so I want you
to check back with me. Moving on to a later
part of the story, you said, let's co parents. He
was fine with that, But then, okay, I'm back pedaling
because that's what I'm saying. You were fine with everything
(16:57):
until you found out about the damn girl. So that's
why I said, were you're really over him? Because sometimes
we may think that we don't want a person until
they're gone. In other words, basically, you don't know what
you got until it's gone. Now, I'm not saying he
was the best thing that ever happened to you, and
or nor vice versa. I'm not saying you're the best
thing to happen to him, but obviously you felt the
way and you wanted him back after you found out
that he was with somebody else. You said, the girl
(17:18):
knew about you the whole time. Fuck her. She ain't
got no loyalty to you. You ain't gonna be high
ass because you got a daughter to take care of.
Fuck that, fuck them, Fuck that, all right, You ain't
gonna be high ass because, to be honest with you,
her daughter or her child and your child are siblings,
whether you like it or not. So don't beat her ass.
Don't beat her ass. I made that mistake. One of
my baby father's other baby mothers, I beat her ass.
(17:39):
We're cordial now, but I still regret doing that because
I wasn't thinking about my child or her child, who
I also look at as another child of mine. You
know what I'm saying, and how it could potentially hurt
them later. Or my son could say to his sister
one day, they argument, that's what my mother beat your
mother ass. You know, did she look at me a
certain way? Or you know, vice versa. You just don't
(18:01):
want to do that. You're plan a dangerous game when
it comes to your children and their parent, the other parent.
They're not worth it anyway, all right. You moved out
of town. He ain't doing shit for your baby. He
could be bitter that you didn't want a relationship with him.
He could be better. I'm not justifying, but he just
seems like he's bitter to you. You can't make a
man step up and do shit, So you need to
(18:21):
go through the courts. Because obviously y'all don't even live
in the same place. You need help with their baby.
So this is a good time to put them on
child support. Yep, this is a good time because this
would be a case where the mom actually needed. You know,
women put men on child support for many different reasons,
but the right reason is for the child and because
(18:44):
you can't do everything on your own, and you did
not make that baby girl on your own. So this
is what I would call a great opportunity to seek
assistance through the courts. Put them on child support, some
type of government assistance. You would need to help take
care of your baby. All right, understand that you're bitter,
but you also need to heal. Like you said, you
(19:04):
need to fucking heal. He ain't coming back, and even
if the fuck he would come back, would you take
him exactly? We have to ask ourselves that what could
he give you right now to make you happy? Another baby, love,
a relationship, a cheating one, back and forth? What could
he do right now to make you happy? Nothing? Take
(19:24):
care of your daughter, But it ain't even that for you.
It's the fact that you're still bitter about what he
did to you with another woman. It ain't even all
about your daughter. Yes, you're damn sure upset that he
won't help you take care of your baby, but you're
upset with matters of the heart too. You know, more
so what he did to you in the relationship and
what he didn't do after the relationship, or you know,
(19:45):
or you felt like you cheated or whatever, or just
sometimes we don't want to see the person that we
love with someone else. We're not ready to move on.
But you need to do so. And it starts with
you just reflecting on who you are, you having to
do everything by yourself, and asking yourself that real question,
that very real question, What could this nigga do for
(20:07):
me right now that's gonna make me happy in my heart?
Not the baby me. What can he do drop everything
and come live here? Then he got another baby, then
he still got other kids with that of a girl
somewhere else, You know what I'm saying, like, just just
wake up and think about that, because you deserve much
better and you're gonna get much better because you're still young.
(20:28):
You got a lot more life to live. And so
does your baby girl. Get back to me, cause if
you feel like nobody love you, I'm telling you I
love you, and that little girl loves you too. So no,
ain't nobody worth your peace and your sanity because you
need that to take care of your child, and you
need that to get past all your trauma. And that's
just what it is. It's past trauma. I'm not asking
you to forget it in a sense, but in a
(20:48):
sense I am move on and forget it. Bury that
shit because remembering ain't gonna do nothing for you but
hold you back. And just like that, we've come to
the end of another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl.
Just hilarious. Make sure you tune into Cold Parents and
Therapy every other Wednesday. Listen, y'all. My trip in Aruba
threw me off. Y'all. I didn't deliver an episode for
(21:11):
Carefully Reckless. I didn't deliver cole parenting on YouTube. I
didn't deliver any promotions for my Messy Vision products my
glasses and we got new new glasses coming soon. I
also will be doing Breakfast Club with DJ Envy and
mother fucking CHARLAMAGNEA God, y'all listen. I'll be doing that
all this week. If you ain't already heard, make sure
(21:32):
you tune into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday and
then my deepest pan boys can't. Fully Reckless is a
(22:49):
production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect. For more
podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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