May 13, 2024 • 32 mins
Monday (pt 2 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, we have our first overtime during our Outburst contest.. - We jump into the Playhouse with “The Cajun Cookout”.. - John Boy get a lesson on how to say “Inaugural”.. - Apple pulled their hydraulic press ad - and we found a couple of others they’d rather we forget.. - We listen in on some of the messages that Amy’s Mom has been leaving for her.. - Long time listeners will remember the fun we had checking in with Dell’s Den - well the Den is done for - but his messages live on here.. - We put John Boy in the Stupie Quiz hot seat.. - and we’ll wrap things up with a request for “The Pirate Joke” and some other stupid stuff..
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Good morning to make sure us on the radio. Are
you ready?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Yo?
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Girls?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Ready? Okay, come y're Jame car Wills, It's time to.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Quiz.
Speaker 5 (00:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Let's go to Robert out of Smith's, Alabama. Good morning, Robert,
Good morning, John Boy, good morning.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
You doing all right today, sir? Yes, sir, alright, Dan,
listen to billing.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
You're gonna win.
Speaker 6 (00:51):
Robert William Bennett, the former Education secretary and the author
of the Book of Virtues, is a Las Vegas high
roller USA. Today's is Bennett's well known in the casinos
of Las Vegas and Atlantic City, with a line of
credit worth several hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 5 (01:07):
Now.
Speaker 6 (01:07):
Bennett doesn't deny his enjoyment of slot machines and video poker,
but he says he basically breaks even and compares it
to drinking. If you can't handle it, don't do it.
Bennett's wife, Evelyn, was annoyed by all the publicity. She
doesn't think her husband has a problem, but if she
has anything to say about it, she says he's made
his last trip to a casino. Response came swiftly from
(01:28):
a the president of Gambler's Anonymous, who said, I think
mister Bennett is in denial b liberal icon Norman Lear,
who says it's ironic that the champion of virtue has
a few vices.
Speaker 7 (01:41):
Or see John Boy who said his wife.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Huh, what's he got? Robert?
Speaker 8 (01:51):
Let's tell with see yay, Yeah, what are you going?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Robert? You the man hold on Jack can gets you information?
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Buddy. All right, thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Did, good money, y'all. Big Show is on your radio.
Speaker 9 (02:07):
Hello you perky early risers. Here's just the thing to
wake you up and get your blood pumping, The John
Boy and Billy Big Show. Why, before you know it,
you'll be bouncing off the walls just like me.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Ooh whah, ooh uh oh see what I mean?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one exports.
Speaker 7 (03:27):
Siri is the world's number one personal digital assistant. She
lives on your iPhone and she does it all. From
helping you plan your day.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Good morning, Dave, you have a ten o'clock meeting with
mister Krueger about the Penske file, to getting you there
on time in four hundred feet turn right.
Speaker 7 (03:44):
Even reading your text messages for you while you're on
the go.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
New message from mister Krueger Penske meeting moved to eleven
o'clock series.
Speaker 7 (03:51):
A big part of your workday, and now she could
be part of your after workday too. Introducing eye Chill,
the Bluetooth enabled app that lets Siri be part of
your happy hour. Next time you're sitting at the bar
after work, blow into the eye Chill receiver. Siri analyzes
your blood alcohol and joins the conversation at your own
(04:13):
current sobriety level.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
Dude, Lately, it seems like everybody's out to get me.
Take Microsoft, They've got this sire. Knock cough Cortana sounds
like something you take to get rid of, toenail fungus.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
Am I right with it?
Speaker 2 (04:33):
You?
Speaker 7 (04:34):
Siri matches you drink for drink.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
And don't even get me started on what's your name?
From Amazon Alexa?
Speaker 7 (04:44):
The results can be very revealing.
Speaker 4 (04:47):
And she listens in on everything you say, everything, all
the time.
Speaker 7 (04:55):
Really, how creepy is that?
Speaker 4 (04:58):
It's like you knows the steplove eye Chill.
Speaker 7 (05:05):
It turns your work buddy into your drinking buddy.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
I would never play head games like that. You deserve better.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
You're a great guy.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Do you think I'm.
Speaker 7 (05:18):
Pretty chill for Siri only on iPhone. Let's do some
shots only as director John William billy.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, I know you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable.
But this is grown up time and I'm the man.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Good morning radio, done right, Good morning, The Big Show
(06:07):
is on the radio.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
All right.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Here's the message from Dale's den.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
You can look at pictures of Dale's restaurant at the
Big Show dot com.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
We listen to his message.
Speaker 8 (06:22):
Dale's DNA talked, the spring has sprung upon us started
coming out.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
Everything look good, baby, watch out what I'm with now Mosquitos.
Speaker 8 (06:38):
Hey, the BacT thing gonna be right after a hard
wer head the dead. Damn it, everybody, come on down
to the day. I just want to get a few
things off my chest. Hey, you know how I am.
Every once in a while I have to lighten up. Yeah, boys,
let me tell you about the t bone. We got
(07:00):
some great t baux states, But every once in a
while we'll run into a different cutter who cuts the
stakes to charge a little bit more. So every once
in a while the t Baue stakes might be a
little bit more. We tried like hell to keep them
dying to our regular price the price because we have
(07:22):
on our menu, but every once in a while they'll
be just a little bit more. So check with us
on those T ball one with you all over one,
see what the prize is on them. Nine times out
of ten, they're gonna be the price that we advertised.
But every once in a while we still want you
to enjoy a good T ball and we know you
(07:43):
wasn't mind paying just a little bit more. Now, we
ain't gonna pour no water over your eyes, shoot you
some junks hey in the den, give us a little time.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
Call ahead.
Speaker 8 (07:57):
I wouldn't go out the telephone number, but I got
two many people still playing on the telephone. We don't
have a operator whatever you call it. Just sit down
and ask our calls to talk to you. So we
have to stop what were doing here to dead to
ask the telephone. Okay, at that stalls time for us
to be serving our customers. The best that we can
(08:19):
do for the people that are right here are the
people that are acted really up to the park and said,
if you've got some kind of problem with the telephone
that you just want to call somebody, don't call Denians,
call somebody else like your policemen are your congressmans are
(08:39):
your president. You know, people who are paid to listen
to you and your little thing. Don't call the deians.
But if you want some good eat, there's a good directions,
so good happening. We'll be glad to tell you. But
we don't have anybody who sitn't here waiting on your
little bulls said, call over here, it's ya about you
(09:02):
in New York. You want throw and so delivered in
all over meth like that. Yo, it don't even make sense. Hey,
check your life out, get a life here in the den.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
If you want to.
Speaker 8 (09:16):
Take us for us being, everything that we do is
inside of theirs den and it's all so sweet. Listen,
it's fabulous.
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Maybe then fabulous we got the best of shrill. It's
so how can you do it?
Speaker 10 (09:36):
Then?
Speaker 8 (09:36):
How could you sell such a big ass shrill for
such a lever won christ that I say high and low.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
Bagage to get the best deals for you? Now, look,
I want to make a little money, that's the name
of the game.
Speaker 8 (09:50):
That I can stay in, Bessy, but I want you
to be satisfied, and all I will eat saying I
believe you'll be well satisfied, and we take our time.
We know how to cook. We know how food look
cook it high food. Look what it's volts to get
doe high fool spoke to taste when they.
Speaker 5 (10:07):
Get doing, We do all of that. You go to
these little fan food Johns. You got a hot stool
kid today. Don't see the stoves? Vote okay, don't you
look at the stove in the home. And then you
go in editor, puseouse this day? Right? They willner they
right check that out. Hot.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Good morning, the Big shows on the radio. More Big
Show right around the corner. This is buzz nutlaid with
a bulletin. Big Show Knows reporter alive on the scene
of a major disaster. I've never seen such carnage.
Speaker 11 (10:39):
And may I remind you that I was at the
Great Donna Pass Barbecue eating the buckle of nineteen ninety nine.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
This is much, much worse. It's a massacre of mammoth proportions.
Speaker 11 (10:49):
The tattered coccasses of other morning shows live in the battlefield.
You're listening to the victors in this morning radio war,
John Boy and Billy on the Big Show.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Now can turn in my expense receipt. Good morning, the
(11:34):
big show is on the radio. Going through some of
the mail.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Of course, I handled postal service, just postal service mail,
except for that brief anthrax scare when Jackie stepped up
to the pot.
Speaker 7 (11:45):
Had to bring in a specialist.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Yeah, alright, here's one. All good goober Joe.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Right now, Why let's find out whoa am. I relieved
to find out that noise this morning was an earthquake.
At first, I thought I had a problem. I thought
the house had blown a tire. I was sitting here
like Rayford, remember the good old days. I remember my
(12:13):
old friend Scott. I haven't seen him about fifteen years,
but he was a fun guy. Me and Bum called
him Phil because he wore a shirt with that name
on it. Old Scott had a poop problem.
Speaker 12 (12:24):
He just.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Random, He just plane refused to use a toilet. We
would wonder the streets at night, and when the mood
hit him, find a car, crawled in the front seat
and let her rip.
Speaker 10 (12:38):
Oh it was good in the world.
Speaker 7 (12:40):
They don't never know me. They'll think of some guy
named Phil.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
They couldn't do anything but clean it up and drive
around in a car knowing someone had pooped in there.
I guess they could call the cops, but what could
they do but write a report? You are fancy poop
all right? Car fifty four see the woman of out
a poop in her car. I bet the cop couldn't
keep a straight face. Yeah, man, this is the third
(13:08):
one this week. We think it's a gang of rednecks
for planning a steakhout. That wasn't the only place he
would go. We'd head over to the high rise apartments
and get in the elevator. M oh man, if Phil
please Timy cars Hey, but well.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Jackie, guess what Top in the morning to you? The
big show is on the radio.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
STUPI quiz time here it is one eight hundred big show,
you're told, free line b caller nine. Play him in fourth, fifth,
sixth grade level vacation material.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Reper ain't get a rever aut of this guy here,
Reverend I.
Speaker 7 (14:00):
Was close enough.
Speaker 13 (14:01):
Raver Hey, Jim, my major expert river, See that's how
you do it. And he didn't even know what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Major plants doing good. Jim's there got some original Caswell
County tobacca sticks one hundred and fifty years old for
our steaks.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
The tied plants up with and uh, I was noticing Billy.
Good job.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Billy's really really helped out. He noticed one of them's
like a whole lot bigger the other one.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
I was worried about it.
Speaker 6 (14:30):
They call him John Boy and Billy because I was
te the size of the other one.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Was worried about the Mexican's weed trimming it. But uh,
the sprinkler head comes right up beside the majer plants.
Worried of just getting beat to death.
Speaker 6 (14:43):
So the Billy plant is just getting beat in the
head every morning when it comes on. It's all he
can do to hold on that one little to mater, he's.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Good, that's right, Because Jim's got a guy making up
a sign said danger major plants growing. Gonna be in
Spanish so they can read it, and we'll we'll put
it up right there at the corner to stop. It'll
be blocking the sprinkler head. Start to see little mates
coming through. Don't be a major hater. All right, Well,
(15:09):
good news. Thanks are still looking good, all right, that's
why we're staying on top of it.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I'm still getting hit by the sprinkler.
Speaker 6 (15:15):
But other than athletes are great.
Speaker 14 (15:17):
I think the trick's going to be those Cattle County
bickle sticks you were talking about.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Yeah, because like it's like an early one hundred and
fifty year old tree food stick. Because it's got some
like drought cow duty on it. That's right what I
was trying to say, dried cow duty.
Speaker 14 (15:32):
Say that fast three times, dry cow duty, drag eye
duty now yeah, right, all right, let's say coming up
on Stupie Quiz, I'll play caller nine for Bala John
Moore be the original grilling sauce.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Now a little bitt Public's grocery stores. Give you a
chance to get your name in a half minutes.
Speaker 15 (16:02):
Good morning to make shows on the radio.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Have you seen junr is great? Here's a lovely Marcy
goober Joe. He asked me and said, hey to you.
Speaker 7 (16:29):
Um um, dater's gotta admire.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Catch raise im um.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Say Frank got a Ashville, North Carolina's oar contestant.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Hello, Frank, good morning, good morning, Good morning, sir.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Touch a number on your phone for me, Frank, that's
the way you're gonna chime in.
Speaker 5 (16:51):
I got the bail.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
First one to get three right wins a science class.
Speaker 5 (17:01):
I tried to say science, I got stuck in my throat.
Speaker 14 (17:04):
Class.
Speaker 12 (17:05):
It's multiple choice, all right, officially speaking? What class of
food is a tomato?
Speaker 16 (17:11):
Is it a lagin?
Speaker 12 (17:13):
Be a vegetable?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
See, yeah, I got it at first. That is well,
I mean somebody said vegetable.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Maybe we're talking about it fruit, So I'm going with
you officially officially, she said, official.
Speaker 5 (17:27):
Going on to fruit.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Fruits, right, fruit. I was just trying to help, you know,
officially fruit. All right, frack them up.
Speaker 5 (17:37):
One anohing on you, okay, us and.
Speaker 12 (17:40):
World Franks you a little hard, all right, and this
is multiple choice. Okay, what nationality was Karl Marx? Was
he a French? B? German? C? Frank Good saying you're right.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought. Question of rank went
for one to one Frank.
Speaker 12 (18:06):
Okay, alright, math class, what you said, how much is
two hundred squared?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Two hundred squared?
Speaker 5 (18:18):
Okay? I remember this, No you don't.
Speaker 6 (18:24):
Well, he don't remember how to do it, but he
remembers talking about it, or maybe that is, let's say.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Four thousand. No, no o, I'm no better than to
trouble him when he's sorry for you forgot to carry
them on?
Speaker 16 (18:40):
All right?
Speaker 5 (18:40):
Frank? Was that close?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
No, you were off quite a bit, and he's even working.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
You were closer than Frank. All right, so that'sen now
two hundred times two hundred. That's that's the way you square.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
A number, right right?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Well, no, no, no, right process, wrong answer.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Four hundred thousand.
Speaker 7 (19:01):
No, we're all around forty thousand, forty thousand.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
How many zeros are there?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
That's one, two, three, four?
Speaker 5 (19:09):
There you go, four and four?
Speaker 13 (19:11):
All right, Rank, this is way and heavy on you
ain't Yeah, Frank, you don't have the gun or anything
over there on this pressure.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
He don't need this pressure. Yeah, all right, one to one.
Speaker 12 (19:25):
We'll lighten up and go to arts and arts pleasure
on unhappy days. In what city do the Cunninghams live?
Was it a I have choices? Is it a Omaha
B Milwaukee C?
Speaker 5 (19:39):
Walker?
Speaker 7 (19:40):
Oh oh right, I say Milwaukee.
Speaker 5 (19:43):
Good choice?
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yeah right Walker.
Speaker 5 (19:47):
The first time you've uttered old Milwaukee.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Without another one? That's two to one. Frag up moment
science class.
Speaker 12 (19:59):
What our is formed with copper and ten? Is it
a cast iron, B, pewter, C bronze.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
I like the way pewter sounds, so I'm going to pewter.
Speaker 5 (20:09):
Pewter.
Speaker 7 (20:10):
It does have a fun sound.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
But that's com pewter is made from aluminum, aluminum and lead,
loving them and lead. All right.
Speaker 7 (20:21):
He could have told you anything.
Speaker 5 (20:24):
All right, Frank is up you man.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
I took one out for you. Got a fifty to
fifty shot at it.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Okay, I'd say bronze.
Speaker 7 (20:30):
You'd be right.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Yeah, that stud be glad.
Speaker 7 (20:38):
I've been forty three years.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
It turns around, all right, all right, hang on, Jackie
gets him vote. Good morning, everybody got a big show
right here on the radio. A letter from Benjamin V.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Cherry.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
He is Blackbeard's uh he's let me say, I've been
a fan of Big Show, good to a number of
years now. First covered your broadcast many years ago to Norfork,
Virginia AM station. I was trying to get iMOS in
the morning. I used to know him quite well when
I was a page at NBC, and said, I must
I heard this crazy, laughing NASCAR talking goofy bunch called
(21:13):
John Boy and Billy. Needless to say, I was not
a fan.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Change the station I did.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Some months later, friend was talking about all the fun
stuff on the Big Show. I started listening discovered that
not only am I a professional pirate, but also a
true North Carolina.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Redneck.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
I traveled throughout the South, speaking with schools, museums, et cetera.
Always look for your show and my dial black Beard
the Pirate. If the Black Beard, a new spirit one
man show comes to your town, I saiur Bud Benjamin,
new fan of the Big Show. And just in your honor, Benjamin,
(21:53):
We're gonna do our John Wore Billy Pirate Playhouse. Ah,
it's coming up next. Good morning, the big Shows on
(22:25):
the radio. Yeah, we were down nineteen ninety nine Universal
Studios getting ready for the days on of five hundred
once performed.
Speaker 6 (22:35):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode the
Pirate Joke. As our story opens, Ronald Robinson, the notorious
privateer known as Red Shirt Run, stands on the deck
of his vessel, the infamous Sea Snake Are.
Speaker 10 (22:55):
It's the thiggest fog I've seen in thirty years. Mister out,
keep a sharp eye out, hi, captain, I'll be doing this.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Excuse me, Captain, got a bit of a surprise for you, sir.
Speaker 10 (23:08):
Well, A fat redneck on the ship is about all
the surprise I can teache. I hate surprises, mister seed.
Speaker 13 (23:17):
Oh, he hates surprises.
Speaker 10 (23:22):
Where's me carrot? Who let his chicken on board the ship.
That's the worst player i've heard, Brady, No lucky practiced.
He's changed into a cat, not a dog. Oh, for
the love of God, quiet Brady, If I want any
crap out of you, I'll squeeze your head.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Oh squawk at you, stupid. So what's the surprise, mister smeed?
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Well, sir, when I went down to touch that bottle
of rum you wanted, I found a stow away in
the liquor.
Speaker 10 (24:00):
Do me a favor and try a little bit harder
than rain stow away in the liquor locker.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Captain. Young boy looks to be about sixteen years old.
Shall I have the men toss him overboard? Not so fast,
mister swee. I think i'll have a word with him first.
Bring the little sneak to me. Oh are ivy. He'll
have a word with him first, I said, quietly, stupid bird,
(24:32):
craddye quit milking you lies. I'm sorry, sir, that is
the worst gone churcher squad. I feel you're paid man.
Look at me, Brady, look at me. Do this ra
Say that's good and do him real quick.
Speaker 10 (24:54):
Rare Okay, christ that's all right, Chubb, it's your life.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Look at me, Johnny, look at me like this. Ah,
here's our little stowaway captain.
Speaker 10 (25:09):
Well, now you're right, mister smeeth. He's hardly dry behind
the ears. What's your name, Laddie Edward Hawkins?
Speaker 5 (25:16):
Sir?
Speaker 10 (25:16):
Well, tell me, young Edward Hawkins? What in the wide
world of sports are you doing hiding in me liquor locker?
I wanted to meet you, sir, Did you know? And
why is that?
Speaker 6 (25:26):
I am to join up with your crew and plunder
and pillage the high seas with you?
Speaker 11 (25:30):
Do you know?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
And what would your mom and dad be thinking about that?
Speaker 4 (25:33):
Me?
Speaker 5 (25:33):
Mom and dad?
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Are dad?
Speaker 3 (25:34):
Sir?
Speaker 1 (25:35):
I'm an orphan orphan?
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Are you?
Speaker 1 (25:37):
No?
Speaker 10 (25:38):
Well, Edward Hawkins would be ashamed to throw you overboard
when there's so much work to be done. You're aboard
the ship, I reckon. I could use a good cabin boy.
A cabin boy, I could use a good Parrotuia idiot,
Shut up, Brady, We'll come aboarder. Don't push it bird
(26:03):
rain cap'n ron. Yes, mister, lookout.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Well, there's a ship coming through the fog.
Speaker 11 (26:10):
Raw.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
It appears to be Admiral Benson and.
Speaker 5 (26:20):
The Royal Navy. Shi, that's all I need right now.
Speaker 13 (26:23):
Who's Admiral Benson?
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Who's the arch enemy sworn to destroy me? Mercifully?
Speaker 10 (26:28):
Soon, I might have, mister s a big tubb of guts,
go down in the cabin and bring up me red shirt.
Speaker 5 (26:36):
Hi, cap'n.
Speaker 10 (26:37):
Your red shirts are.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Hye, Laddy.
Speaker 10 (26:39):
I always put on my red shirt before a battle.
Then I stand up there right in front of the
bow during the attack. The red shirt makes it easy
for them and to see me. And as long as
they can see me standing there, they'll fight to the
last man. And most importantly, if I'm wounded, the red
shirt hides the blood. That way, they don't know that
I've been injured. Oh, I see, capt'n.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
We got another ship coming off the fog on the port.
Bell another ship, I sir.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
This could be serious.
Speaker 14 (27:08):
Oh uh.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, could be serious.
Speaker 5 (27:12):
Squat right.
Speaker 10 (27:14):
Oh shut up, Brady, mister Smee, hurry up with that
red shirt, capt'n.
Speaker 5 (27:20):
You're not gonna believe it.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Off the starboard bow. Two more ships, sir.
Speaker 10 (27:24):
Two more aye, sir, they're coming fast. Wait off the
stern three more ships. Oh, and they're closing even faster.
Three ships. That's a total of six ships.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
We're surrounded, cap'n mister smee.
Speaker 10 (27:38):
While you're down there getting me red shirt, bring up
me brown pants.
Speaker 5 (27:41):
Due.
Speaker 6 (27:49):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy in delay playhouse you
then again next time when we'll hear Admiral Benson of
the Royal Navy say.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar. Alright, man
(28:24):
tied up?
Speaker 11 (28:27):
What was that?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
She reached down and tickle the back of my foot
and scare.
Speaker 16 (28:31):
I didn't tickle the back of your foot.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
You foot through that big hole that's in your Yeah,
what is that deal? I thought it was an emblem
or something, but it's just oh man, I know how
to hold I don't look at the back of my sock.
Speaker 16 (28:41):
There, he said, Look all the money he made. I
don't even buy parasite. I'll have to go do that
today since Randy his funeral.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
But he starts letting his fingernail grow and wearing le
nex boxes on his feet as a quarter. I said,
you know, he's got to feel it.
Speaker 7 (28:56):
You don't need to know what's going on in his.
Speaker 10 (29:04):
You meat all.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
I ain't had the back of my feet up in
front of my face lately, and thank.
Speaker 17 (29:09):
Goodness for that since Jackie brought it up. I'm attending
a funeral today. My favorite aunt passed away over the weekends.
Alma Martin, and the funerals at two o'clock today. She
and my uncle have been together since they were twelve
years old.
Speaker 5 (29:23):
Wow, man, it.
Speaker 17 (29:25):
Was telling me last night he remembers their first kiss.
They were twelve and she had to stand on a stool.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
And oh, kid, do.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Y'all remember y'all's first kiss, first time ever kiss the girl?
Speaker 5 (29:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 16 (29:34):
I do?
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Yeah, How old were you?
Speaker 7 (29:36):
I start with you, billy, let's probably about ten years old?
And you remember her name? I do not remember her name?
That was hammered at the time. It was spring break.
Speaker 5 (29:49):
What about you?
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Faillers twenty five, Cheryl Poster twenty five cheryld teags post
her she'll.
Speaker 5 (29:59):
Put I was the fourth grade. How old you were then?
Speaker 17 (30:05):
And the girl's name was Sandra Wistna and I was
walking her home from school, caring her books.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
She invited me into the garage to work.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
On a car.
Speaker 7 (30:14):
Yeah, well, did you fix this cup holder for me?
Speaker 4 (30:17):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Don't even start those dark Randy four hours trying to
put a cup holder in my g Yeah.
Speaker 7 (30:23):
And you didn't even kiss him.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Car What about your first kiss?
Speaker 6 (30:31):
Remember?
Speaker 5 (30:32):
Oh your shoooo? Yes you do.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
How old were you Marsha?
Speaker 5 (30:36):
Fifteen?
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Fifteen? Yeah, so you already had breasts?
Speaker 5 (30:39):
Is its? Bey?
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Came FedEx Jacqueline? What about you, Jackie?
Speaker 14 (30:49):
Don't you know?
Speaker 1 (30:50):
I don't remember? Do you remember the last?
Speaker 5 (30:55):
How about?
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Anybody want to know? My kids? I tell you I win?
Speaker 5 (31:04):
Oh really?
Speaker 8 (31:07):
Now?
Speaker 2 (31:08):
I was like in the second grade. I was riding
my bicycle home from school and it was two.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Girls at one time.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
It was injuries and he killed over Marsha, never trying
to resuscitate it. Marshall Whorley and Sharon King. I stopped
in the corner and both of them kissed me on
the cheek at the same time.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
So I've been down here ever since then.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
A little early with no that was pretty cool. My
first true love, I was like ten years old holding
beach Melanie. Remember I tried to find her before in
the air when we first started syndicating in Raleigh.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
I tried to ride my bicycle to Durham one time.
That was like thirty five miles from my house.
Speaker 5 (31:50):
Oh that's right.
Speaker 7 (31:50):
That's when he passed out those stories.
Speaker 16 (31:54):
You know, as a young girl, who my first true
love really was, who I really thought I loved and
was gonna grow up to marry with Rickly?
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Just love him, moll.
Speaker 16 (32:02):
Tell you us to stare at him thinking that's who
my husband's gonna be.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Come out. I'm still working on it. Jackie locked the
white boys, I like the black girls. And here we
are together, here Jackie, that's you mean to kiss him
on the cheeks? He's there, Salt and pepper, All right,
come all with the Big Box.
Speaker 6 (32:24):
Is here all your favorites from four decades of The
Big Show ninety nine since each fifteen for nine ninety nine.
Speaker 7 (32:29):
Buy him once, play him anywhere.
Speaker 6 (32:30):
You can shop the Big Bots online right now at
the Big Show dot com or a Big Show stuff
I phone. The number is eight hundred and four to
seven one Stuff Online services by m Nick dot com.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Have you missed any of The Big Show this morning
and you're here it all?
Speaker 2 (32:42):
The John Boy Billy Late Risings podcast up next, Mabe.
Wherever you get your podcast, make it easy, subscribe to us.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Will the Free a hard way to go out? See
you tomorrow.
Speaker 5 (32:53):
We love you.
Speaker 8 (32:54):
We made it
Good morning to make sure us on the radio. Are
you ready?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Yo?
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Girls?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Ready? Okay, come y're Jame car Wills, It's time to.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Quiz.
Speaker 5 (00:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Let's go to Robert out of Smith's, Alabama. Good morning, Robert,
Good morning, John Boy, good morning.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
You doing all right today, sir? Yes, sir, alright, Dan,
listen to billing.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
You're gonna win.
Speaker 6 (00:51):
Robert William Bennett, the former Education secretary and the author
of the Book of Virtues, is a Las Vegas high
roller USA. Today's is Bennett's well known in the casinos
of Las Vegas and Atlantic City, with a line of
credit worth several hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 5 (01:07):
Now.
Speaker 6 (01:07):
Bennett doesn't deny his enjoyment of slot machines and video poker,
but he says he basically breaks even and compares it
to drinking. If you can't handle it, don't do it.
Bennett's wife, Evelyn, was annoyed by all the publicity. She
doesn't think her husband has a problem, but if she
has anything to say about it, she says he's made
his last trip to a casino. Response came swiftly from
(01:28):
a the president of Gambler's Anonymous, who said, I think
mister Bennett is in denial b liberal icon Norman Lear,
who says it's ironic that the champion of virtue has
a few vices.
Speaker 7 (01:41):
Or see John Boy who said his wife.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Huh, what's he got? Robert?
Speaker 8 (01:51):
Let's tell with see yay, Yeah, what are you going?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Robert? You the man hold on Jack can gets you information?
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Buddy. All right, thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Did, good money, y'all. Big Show is on your radio.
Speaker 9 (02:07):
Hello you perky early risers. Here's just the thing to
wake you up and get your blood pumping, The John
Boy and Billy Big Show. Why, before you know it,
you'll be bouncing off the walls just like me.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Ooh whah, ooh uh oh see what I mean?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one exports.
Speaker 7 (03:27):
Siri is the world's number one personal digital assistant. She
lives on your iPhone and she does it all. From
helping you plan your day.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Good morning, Dave, you have a ten o'clock meeting with
mister Krueger about the Penske file, to getting you there
on time in four hundred feet turn right.
Speaker 7 (03:44):
Even reading your text messages for you while you're on
the go.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
New message from mister Krueger Penske meeting moved to eleven
o'clock series.
Speaker 7 (03:51):
A big part of your workday, and now she could
be part of your after workday too. Introducing eye Chill,
the Bluetooth enabled app that lets Siri be part of
your happy hour. Next time you're sitting at the bar
after work, blow into the eye Chill receiver. Siri analyzes
your blood alcohol and joins the conversation at your own
(04:13):
current sobriety level.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
Dude, Lately, it seems like everybody's out to get me.
Take Microsoft, They've got this sire. Knock cough Cortana sounds
like something you take to get rid of, toenail fungus.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
Am I right with it?
Speaker 2 (04:33):
You?
Speaker 7 (04:34):
Siri matches you drink for drink.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
And don't even get me started on what's your name?
From Amazon Alexa?
Speaker 7 (04:44):
The results can be very revealing.
Speaker 4 (04:47):
And she listens in on everything you say, everything, all
the time.
Speaker 7 (04:55):
Really, how creepy is that?
Speaker 4 (04:58):
It's like you knows the steplove eye Chill.
Speaker 7 (05:05):
It turns your work buddy into your drinking buddy.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
I would never play head games like that. You deserve better.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
You're a great guy.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Do you think I'm.
Speaker 7 (05:18):
Pretty chill for Siri only on iPhone. Let's do some
shots only as director John William billy.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, I know you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable.
But this is grown up time and I'm the man.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Good morning radio, done right, Good morning, The Big Show
(06:07):
is on the radio.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
All right.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Here's the message from Dale's den.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
You can look at pictures of Dale's restaurant at the
Big Show dot com.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
We listen to his message.
Speaker 8 (06:22):
Dale's DNA talked, the spring has sprung upon us started
coming out.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
Everything look good, baby, watch out what I'm with now Mosquitos.
Speaker 8 (06:38):
Hey, the BacT thing gonna be right after a hard
wer head the dead. Damn it, everybody, come on down
to the day. I just want to get a few
things off my chest. Hey, you know how I am.
Every once in a while I have to lighten up. Yeah, boys,
let me tell you about the t bone. We got
(07:00):
some great t baux states, But every once in a
while we'll run into a different cutter who cuts the
stakes to charge a little bit more. So every once
in a while the t Baue stakes might be a
little bit more. We tried like hell to keep them
dying to our regular price the price because we have
(07:22):
on our menu, but every once in a while they'll
be just a little bit more. So check with us
on those T ball one with you all over one,
see what the prize is on them. Nine times out
of ten, they're gonna be the price that we advertised.
But every once in a while we still want you
to enjoy a good T ball and we know you
(07:43):
wasn't mind paying just a little bit more. Now, we
ain't gonna pour no water over your eyes, shoot you
some junks hey in the den, give us a little time.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
Call ahead.
Speaker 8 (07:57):
I wouldn't go out the telephone number, but I got
two many people still playing on the telephone. We don't
have a operator whatever you call it. Just sit down
and ask our calls to talk to you. So we
have to stop what were doing here to dead to
ask the telephone. Okay, at that stalls time for us
to be serving our customers. The best that we can
(08:19):
do for the people that are right here are the
people that are acted really up to the park and said,
if you've got some kind of problem with the telephone
that you just want to call somebody, don't call Denians,
call somebody else like your policemen are your congressmans are
(08:39):
your president. You know, people who are paid to listen
to you and your little thing. Don't call the deians.
But if you want some good eat, there's a good directions,
so good happening. We'll be glad to tell you. But
we don't have anybody who sitn't here waiting on your
little bulls said, call over here, it's ya about you
(09:02):
in New York. You want throw and so delivered in
all over meth like that. Yo, it don't even make sense. Hey,
check your life out, get a life here in the den.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
If you want to.
Speaker 8 (09:16):
Take us for us being, everything that we do is
inside of theirs den and it's all so sweet. Listen,
it's fabulous.
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Maybe then fabulous we got the best of shrill. It's
so how can you do it?
Speaker 10 (09:36):
Then?
Speaker 8 (09:36):
How could you sell such a big ass shrill for
such a lever won christ that I say high and low.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
Bagage to get the best deals for you? Now, look,
I want to make a little money, that's the name
of the game.
Speaker 8 (09:50):
That I can stay in, Bessy, but I want you
to be satisfied, and all I will eat saying I
believe you'll be well satisfied, and we take our time.
We know how to cook. We know how food look
cook it high food. Look what it's volts to get
doe high fool spoke to taste when they.
Speaker 5 (10:07):
Get doing, We do all of that. You go to
these little fan food Johns. You got a hot stool
kid today. Don't see the stoves? Vote okay, don't you
look at the stove in the home. And then you
go in editor, puseouse this day? Right? They willner they
right check that out. Hot.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Good morning, the Big shows on the radio. More Big
Show right around the corner. This is buzz nutlaid with
a bulletin. Big Show Knows reporter alive on the scene
of a major disaster. I've never seen such carnage.
Speaker 11 (10:39):
And may I remind you that I was at the
Great Donna Pass Barbecue eating the buckle of nineteen ninety nine.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
This is much, much worse. It's a massacre of mammoth proportions.
Speaker 11 (10:49):
The tattered coccasses of other morning shows live in the battlefield.
You're listening to the victors in this morning radio war,
John Boy and Billy on the Big Show.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Now can turn in my expense receipt. Good morning, the
(11:34):
big show is on the radio. Going through some of
the mail.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Of course, I handled postal service, just postal service mail,
except for that brief anthrax scare when Jackie stepped up
to the pot.
Speaker 7 (11:45):
Had to bring in a specialist.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Yeah, alright, here's one. All good goober Joe.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Right now, Why let's find out whoa am. I relieved
to find out that noise this morning was an earthquake.
At first, I thought I had a problem. I thought
the house had blown a tire. I was sitting here
like Rayford, remember the good old days. I remember my
(12:13):
old friend Scott. I haven't seen him about fifteen years,
but he was a fun guy. Me and Bum called
him Phil because he wore a shirt with that name
on it. Old Scott had a poop problem.
Speaker 12 (12:24):
He just.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Random, He just plane refused to use a toilet. We
would wonder the streets at night, and when the mood
hit him, find a car, crawled in the front seat
and let her rip.
Speaker 10 (12:38):
Oh it was good in the world.
Speaker 7 (12:40):
They don't never know me. They'll think of some guy
named Phil.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
They couldn't do anything but clean it up and drive
around in a car knowing someone had pooped in there.
I guess they could call the cops, but what could
they do but write a report? You are fancy poop
all right? Car fifty four see the woman of out
a poop in her car. I bet the cop couldn't
keep a straight face. Yeah, man, this is the third
(13:08):
one this week. We think it's a gang of rednecks
for planning a steakhout. That wasn't the only place he
would go. We'd head over to the high rise apartments
and get in the elevator. M oh man, if Phil
please Timy cars Hey, but well.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Jackie, guess what Top in the morning to you? The
big show is on the radio.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
STUPI quiz time here it is one eight hundred big show,
you're told, free line b caller nine. Play him in fourth, fifth,
sixth grade level vacation material.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Reper ain't get a rever aut of this guy here,
Reverend I.
Speaker 7 (14:00):
Was close enough.
Speaker 13 (14:01):
Raver Hey, Jim, my major expert river, See that's how
you do it. And he didn't even know what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Major plants doing good. Jim's there got some original Caswell
County tobacca sticks one hundred and fifty years old for
our steaks.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
The tied plants up with and uh, I was noticing Billy.
Good job.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Billy's really really helped out. He noticed one of them's
like a whole lot bigger the other one.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
I was worried about it.
Speaker 6 (14:30):
They call him John Boy and Billy because I was
te the size of the other one.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Was worried about the Mexican's weed trimming it. But uh,
the sprinkler head comes right up beside the majer plants.
Worried of just getting beat to death.
Speaker 6 (14:43):
So the Billy plant is just getting beat in the
head every morning when it comes on. It's all he
can do to hold on that one little to mater, he's.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Good, that's right, Because Jim's got a guy making up
a sign said danger major plants growing. Gonna be in
Spanish so they can read it, and we'll we'll put
it up right there at the corner to stop. It'll
be blocking the sprinkler head. Start to see little mates
coming through. Don't be a major hater. All right, Well,
(15:09):
good news. Thanks are still looking good, all right, that's
why we're staying on top of it.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I'm still getting hit by the sprinkler.
Speaker 6 (15:15):
But other than athletes are great.
Speaker 14 (15:17):
I think the trick's going to be those Cattle County
bickle sticks you were talking about.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Yeah, because like it's like an early one hundred and
fifty year old tree food stick. Because it's got some
like drought cow duty on it. That's right what I
was trying to say, dried cow duty.
Speaker 14 (15:32):
Say that fast three times, dry cow duty, drag eye
duty now yeah, right, all right, let's say coming up
on Stupie Quiz, I'll play caller nine for Bala John
Moore be the original grilling sauce.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Now a little bitt Public's grocery stores. Give you a
chance to get your name in a half minutes.
Speaker 15 (16:02):
Good morning to make shows on the radio.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Have you seen junr is great? Here's a lovely Marcy
goober Joe. He asked me and said, hey to you.
Speaker 7 (16:29):
Um um, dater's gotta admire.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Catch raise im um.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Say Frank got a Ashville, North Carolina's oar contestant.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Hello, Frank, good morning, good morning, Good morning, sir.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Touch a number on your phone for me, Frank, that's
the way you're gonna chime in.
Speaker 5 (16:51):
I got the bail.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
First one to get three right wins a science class.
Speaker 5 (17:01):
I tried to say science, I got stuck in my throat.
Speaker 14 (17:04):
Class.
Speaker 12 (17:05):
It's multiple choice, all right, officially speaking? What class of
food is a tomato?
Speaker 16 (17:11):
Is it a lagin?
Speaker 12 (17:13):
Be a vegetable?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
See, yeah, I got it at first. That is well,
I mean somebody said vegetable.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Maybe we're talking about it fruit, So I'm going with
you officially officially, she said, official.
Speaker 5 (17:27):
Going on to fruit.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Fruits, right, fruit. I was just trying to help, you know,
officially fruit. All right, frack them up.
Speaker 5 (17:37):
One anohing on you, okay, us and.
Speaker 12 (17:40):
World Franks you a little hard, all right, and this
is multiple choice. Okay, what nationality was Karl Marx? Was
he a French? B? German? C? Frank Good saying you're right.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought. Question of rank went
for one to one Frank.
Speaker 12 (18:06):
Okay, alright, math class, what you said, how much is
two hundred squared?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Two hundred squared?
Speaker 5 (18:18):
Okay? I remember this, No you don't.
Speaker 6 (18:24):
Well, he don't remember how to do it, but he
remembers talking about it, or maybe that is, let's say.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Four thousand. No, no o, I'm no better than to
trouble him when he's sorry for you forgot to carry
them on?
Speaker 16 (18:40):
All right?
Speaker 5 (18:40):
Frank? Was that close?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
No, you were off quite a bit, and he's even working.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
You were closer than Frank. All right, so that'sen now
two hundred times two hundred. That's that's the way you square.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
A number, right right?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Well, no, no, no, right process, wrong answer.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Four hundred thousand.
Speaker 7 (19:01):
No, we're all around forty thousand, forty thousand.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
How many zeros are there?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
That's one, two, three, four?
Speaker 5 (19:09):
There you go, four and four?
Speaker 13 (19:11):
All right, Rank, this is way and heavy on you
ain't Yeah, Frank, you don't have the gun or anything
over there on this pressure.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
He don't need this pressure. Yeah, all right, one to one.
Speaker 12 (19:25):
We'll lighten up and go to arts and arts pleasure
on unhappy days. In what city do the Cunninghams live?
Was it a I have choices? Is it a Omaha
B Milwaukee C?
Speaker 5 (19:39):
Walker?
Speaker 7 (19:40):
Oh oh right, I say Milwaukee.
Speaker 5 (19:43):
Good choice?
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yeah right Walker.
Speaker 5 (19:47):
The first time you've uttered old Milwaukee.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Without another one? That's two to one. Frag up moment
science class.
Speaker 12 (19:59):
What our is formed with copper and ten? Is it
a cast iron, B, pewter, C bronze.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
I like the way pewter sounds, so I'm going to pewter.
Speaker 5 (20:09):
Pewter.
Speaker 7 (20:10):
It does have a fun sound.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
But that's com pewter is made from aluminum, aluminum and lead,
loving them and lead. All right.
Speaker 7 (20:21):
He could have told you anything.
Speaker 5 (20:24):
All right, Frank is up you man.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
I took one out for you. Got a fifty to
fifty shot at it.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Okay, I'd say bronze.
Speaker 7 (20:30):
You'd be right.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Yeah, that stud be glad.
Speaker 7 (20:38):
I've been forty three years.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
It turns around, all right, all right, hang on, Jackie
gets him vote. Good morning, everybody got a big show
right here on the radio. A letter from Benjamin V.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Cherry.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
He is Blackbeard's uh he's let me say, I've been
a fan of Big Show, good to a number of
years now. First covered your broadcast many years ago to Norfork,
Virginia AM station. I was trying to get iMOS in
the morning. I used to know him quite well when
I was a page at NBC, and said, I must
I heard this crazy, laughing NASCAR talking goofy bunch called
(21:13):
John Boy and Billy. Needless to say, I was not
a fan.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Change the station I did.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Some months later, friend was talking about all the fun
stuff on the Big Show. I started listening discovered that
not only am I a professional pirate, but also a
true North Carolina.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Redneck.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
I traveled throughout the South, speaking with schools, museums, et cetera.
Always look for your show and my dial black Beard
the Pirate. If the Black Beard, a new spirit one
man show comes to your town, I saiur Bud Benjamin,
new fan of the Big Show. And just in your honor, Benjamin,
(21:53):
We're gonna do our John Wore Billy Pirate Playhouse. Ah,
it's coming up next. Good morning, the big Shows on
(22:25):
the radio. Yeah, we were down nineteen ninety nine Universal
Studios getting ready for the days on of five hundred
once performed.
Speaker 6 (22:35):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode the
Pirate Joke. As our story opens, Ronald Robinson, the notorious
privateer known as Red Shirt Run, stands on the deck
of his vessel, the infamous Sea Snake Are.
Speaker 10 (22:55):
It's the thiggest fog I've seen in thirty years. Mister out,
keep a sharp eye out, hi, captain, I'll be doing this.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Excuse me, Captain, got a bit of a surprise for you, sir.
Speaker 10 (23:08):
Well, A fat redneck on the ship is about all
the surprise I can teache. I hate surprises, mister seed.
Speaker 13 (23:17):
Oh, he hates surprises.
Speaker 10 (23:22):
Where's me carrot? Who let his chicken on board the ship.
That's the worst player i've heard, Brady, No lucky practiced.
He's changed into a cat, not a dog. Oh, for
the love of God, quiet Brady, If I want any
crap out of you, I'll squeeze your head.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Oh squawk at you, stupid. So what's the surprise, mister smeed?
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Well, sir, when I went down to touch that bottle
of rum you wanted, I found a stow away in
the liquor.
Speaker 10 (24:00):
Do me a favor and try a little bit harder
than rain stow away in the liquor locker.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Captain. Young boy looks to be about sixteen years old.
Shall I have the men toss him overboard? Not so fast,
mister swee. I think i'll have a word with him first.
Bring the little sneak to me. Oh are ivy. He'll
have a word with him first, I said, quietly, stupid bird,
(24:32):
craddye quit milking you lies. I'm sorry, sir, that is
the worst gone churcher squad. I feel you're paid man.
Look at me, Brady, look at me. Do this ra
Say that's good and do him real quick.
Speaker 10 (24:54):
Rare Okay, christ that's all right, Chubb, it's your life.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Look at me, Johnny, look at me like this. Ah,
here's our little stowaway captain.
Speaker 10 (25:09):
Well, now you're right, mister smeeth. He's hardly dry behind
the ears. What's your name, Laddie Edward Hawkins?
Speaker 5 (25:16):
Sir?
Speaker 10 (25:16):
Well, tell me, young Edward Hawkins? What in the wide
world of sports are you doing hiding in me liquor locker?
I wanted to meet you, sir, Did you know? And
why is that?
Speaker 6 (25:26):
I am to join up with your crew and plunder
and pillage the high seas with you?
Speaker 11 (25:30):
Do you know?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
And what would your mom and dad be thinking about that?
Speaker 4 (25:33):
Me?
Speaker 5 (25:33):
Mom and dad?
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Are dad?
Speaker 3 (25:34):
Sir?
Speaker 1 (25:35):
I'm an orphan orphan?
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Are you?
Speaker 1 (25:37):
No?
Speaker 10 (25:38):
Well, Edward Hawkins would be ashamed to throw you overboard
when there's so much work to be done. You're aboard
the ship, I reckon. I could use a good cabin boy.
A cabin boy, I could use a good Parrotuia idiot,
Shut up, Brady, We'll come aboarder. Don't push it bird
(26:03):
rain cap'n ron. Yes, mister, lookout.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Well, there's a ship coming through the fog.
Speaker 11 (26:10):
Raw.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
It appears to be Admiral Benson and.
Speaker 5 (26:20):
The Royal Navy. Shi, that's all I need right now.
Speaker 13 (26:23):
Who's Admiral Benson?
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Who's the arch enemy sworn to destroy me? Mercifully?
Speaker 10 (26:28):
Soon, I might have, mister s a big tubb of guts,
go down in the cabin and bring up me red shirt.
Speaker 5 (26:36):
Hi, cap'n.
Speaker 10 (26:37):
Your red shirts are.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Hye, Laddy.
Speaker 10 (26:39):
I always put on my red shirt before a battle.
Then I stand up there right in front of the
bow during the attack. The red shirt makes it easy
for them and to see me. And as long as
they can see me standing there, they'll fight to the
last man. And most importantly, if I'm wounded, the red
shirt hides the blood. That way, they don't know that
I've been injured. Oh, I see, capt'n.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
We got another ship coming off the fog on the port.
Bell another ship, I sir.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
This could be serious.
Speaker 14 (27:08):
Oh uh.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, could be serious.
Speaker 5 (27:12):
Squat right.
Speaker 10 (27:14):
Oh shut up, Brady, mister Smee, hurry up with that
red shirt, capt'n.
Speaker 5 (27:20):
You're not gonna believe it.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Off the starboard bow. Two more ships, sir.
Speaker 10 (27:24):
Two more aye, sir, they're coming fast. Wait off the
stern three more ships. Oh, and they're closing even faster.
Three ships. That's a total of six ships.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
We're surrounded, cap'n mister smee.
Speaker 10 (27:38):
While you're down there getting me red shirt, bring up
me brown pants.
Speaker 5 (27:41):
Due.
Speaker 6 (27:49):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy in delay playhouse you
then again next time when we'll hear Admiral Benson of
the Royal Navy say.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar. Alright, man
(28:24):
tied up?
Speaker 11 (28:27):
What was that?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
She reached down and tickle the back of my foot
and scare.
Speaker 16 (28:31):
I didn't tickle the back of your foot.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
You foot through that big hole that's in your Yeah,
what is that deal? I thought it was an emblem
or something, but it's just oh man, I know how
to hold I don't look at the back of my sock.
Speaker 16 (28:41):
There, he said, Look all the money he made. I
don't even buy parasite. I'll have to go do that
today since Randy his funeral.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
But he starts letting his fingernail grow and wearing le
nex boxes on his feet as a quarter. I said,
you know, he's got to feel it.
Speaker 7 (28:56):
You don't need to know what's going on in his.
Speaker 10 (29:04):
You meat all.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
I ain't had the back of my feet up in
front of my face lately, and thank.
Speaker 17 (29:09):
Goodness for that since Jackie brought it up. I'm attending
a funeral today. My favorite aunt passed away over the weekends.
Alma Martin, and the funerals at two o'clock today. She
and my uncle have been together since they were twelve
years old.
Speaker 5 (29:23):
Wow, man, it.
Speaker 17 (29:25):
Was telling me last night he remembers their first kiss.
They were twelve and she had to stand on a stool.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
And oh, kid, do.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Y'all remember y'all's first kiss, first time ever kiss the girl?
Speaker 5 (29:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 16 (29:34):
I do?
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Yeah, How old were you?
Speaker 7 (29:36):
I start with you, billy, let's probably about ten years old?
And you remember her name? I do not remember her name?
That was hammered at the time. It was spring break.
Speaker 5 (29:49):
What about you?
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Faillers twenty five, Cheryl Poster twenty five cheryld teags post
her she'll.
Speaker 5 (29:59):
Put I was the fourth grade. How old you were then?
Speaker 17 (30:05):
And the girl's name was Sandra Wistna and I was
walking her home from school, caring her books.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
She invited me into the garage to work.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
On a car.
Speaker 7 (30:14):
Yeah, well, did you fix this cup holder for me?
Speaker 4 (30:17):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Don't even start those dark Randy four hours trying to
put a cup holder in my g Yeah.
Speaker 7 (30:23):
And you didn't even kiss him.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Car What about your first kiss?
Speaker 6 (30:31):
Remember?
Speaker 5 (30:32):
Oh your shoooo? Yes you do.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
How old were you Marsha?
Speaker 5 (30:36):
Fifteen?
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Fifteen? Yeah, so you already had breasts?
Speaker 5 (30:39):
Is its? Bey?
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Came FedEx Jacqueline? What about you, Jackie?
Speaker 14 (30:49):
Don't you know?
Speaker 1 (30:50):
I don't remember? Do you remember the last?
Speaker 5 (30:55):
How about?
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Anybody want to know? My kids? I tell you I win?
Speaker 5 (31:04):
Oh really?
Speaker 8 (31:07):
Now?
Speaker 2 (31:08):
I was like in the second grade. I was riding
my bicycle home from school and it was two.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Girls at one time.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
It was injuries and he killed over Marsha, never trying
to resuscitate it. Marshall Whorley and Sharon King. I stopped
in the corner and both of them kissed me on
the cheek at the same time.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
So I've been down here ever since then.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
A little early with no that was pretty cool. My
first true love, I was like ten years old holding
beach Melanie. Remember I tried to find her before in
the air when we first started syndicating in Raleigh.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
I tried to ride my bicycle to Durham one time.
That was like thirty five miles from my house.
Speaker 5 (31:50):
Oh that's right.
Speaker 7 (31:50):
That's when he passed out those stories.
Speaker 16 (31:54):
You know, as a young girl, who my first true
love really was, who I really thought I loved and
was gonna grow up to marry with Rickly?
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Just love him, moll.
Speaker 16 (32:02):
Tell you us to stare at him thinking that's who
my husband's gonna be.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Come out. I'm still working on it. Jackie locked the
white boys, I like the black girls. And here we
are together, here Jackie, that's you mean to kiss him
on the cheeks? He's there, Salt and pepper, All right,
come all with the Big Box.
Speaker 6 (32:24):
Is here all your favorites from four decades of The
Big Show ninety nine since each fifteen for nine ninety nine.
Speaker 7 (32:29):
Buy him once, play him anywhere.
Speaker 6 (32:30):
You can shop the Big Bots online right now at
the Big Show dot com or a Big Show stuff
I phone. The number is eight hundred and four to
seven one Stuff Online services by m Nick dot com.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Have you missed any of The Big Show this morning
and you're here it all?
Speaker 2 (32:42):
The John Boy Billy Late Risings podcast up next, Mabe.
Wherever you get your podcast, make it easy, subscribe to us.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Will the Free a hard way to go out? See
you tomorrow.
Speaker 5 (32:53):
We love you.
Speaker 8 (32:54):
We made it
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