April 4, 2019 • 23 mins
Exorcising some demons in Ron’s man cave.
Credits:Ron Burgundy: Host, Writer, Executive Producer
Carolina Barlow: Co-Host, Writer, and Producer.
Producers: Whitney Hodack, Jack O’Brien, Miles Gray, and Nick Stumpf
Executive Producer: Mike Farah
Consulting Producer: Andrew Steele
Associate Producer: Anna Hossnieh
Writer: Jake Fogelnest
Production Supervisor: Colin MacDougall
This episode was Engineered, Mixed and Edited by: Nick Stumpf
Music Clearance by Suzanne Coffman
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, roberguny podcast. This is Ron Burgundy and you are
listening to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Today's topic is a
lightning rod for so many people, and I have wanted
(00:20):
to have a discussion on it for years, so I'm
very excited. Today we will have an enlightening and spirited
debate on the subject of guys in the military. But
before we dive in, I want to alert our audience
to a technical situation we are dealing with today. For
(00:44):
the past few weeks or so, the podcast studio has
been under construction. In fact, it has been turned into
a crime scene. While repairing, some insulation workers discovered a
human skull inside one of the walls. And as I
know from experience, any time you discover human remains, you
(01:08):
must call the authorities, no exceptions. No matter how tempted
you may be to collect human bones, whether they be
found in an antique trunk or storage unit, tour out
on a hike, you have to call the police or
at least the rangers station. Do not, under any circumstances
(01:33):
hold on to a skull that you've found because you
think you would make a cool paper weight in your study.
I mean, think about it, that was someone's head for
Cripe's sake. Anyway, since the studio has been closed, we
have been recording the podcast from my living room, which
(01:55):
has been fine outside the fact that the crew eats
every thing in my fridge and never, I repeat never
flushes the damn toilet. It's disgusting. Well, today we are
having to record this show for my garage because my
(02:16):
living room flooded last night. Ah yes, I forgot to
turn off the bathtub again. So I just want to
alert you the listener that we have a location change. However,
this will not affect the quality of the broadcast in
(02:38):
any way. Thank you for indulging me with that extensive explanation,
But I I feel I owe it to you to
display the utmost integrity about every facet of the broadcast run.
Why are you whispering? Well, I'm not whispering. I'm using
what's referred to in the theater as a stage whisper.
(03:02):
It is a more projected whisper. Whatever. Why are you
doing it? We're why are you stage whispering? I'm just
trying to protect my my vocal cords since they are
they're currently inflamed. Yes, yes, I haven't flamed vocal cords.
You haven't flamed vocal cords. Yes, I haven't flamed vocal cords.
(03:23):
They are they are fully inflamed. I had had too
much verde sauce on my carnitas burrito last night and
it burned my my vocal cords, and it gave me
laryen genitus. Okay, I don't believe you wrong. We spoke
this morning and your voice was fine. No, trust me,
it's bad laryn genitus. I think your voice is fine.
(03:45):
M m hm. Oh okay, fine, you got me, You
got me. No, I don't. I don't have laryon jenitis. Um. Okay. Well,
the reason why I was whispering is because my garage
where we are broadcasting from right now is haunted. My
(04:09):
garage is haunted, and I was whispering because I'm afraid
of waking ghosts. There, I said it, what a relief
is really haunted? Absolutely haunted. I have I have seen
things that will make your head spin. And why we
had to do today's show at midnight is beyond me. Well,
(04:32):
we moved the show till later because you said you
couldn't sleep last night and didn't get up until three pm.
I didn't sleep because I was worried, sick about the
fact that we were going to record the show in
my haunted garage. Why didn't you just say you didn't
want to record in the garage because no one would
believe me if I told them that the garage was haunted. Okay,
(04:54):
well you could have just left that out and said
the garage was too messy or something. Hold on, hold
on one second garroline. Right, of course, on my street,
my trash removal is midnight. I really can't think of
a worse place or time to We've lobbied the city
and I don't know how many petitions we've put in
front of their fat faces. They won't listen to the taxpayer.
(05:21):
So many trash cans on it's just cruel to the garbage.
And of course our street we still have old metal
trash cans. We don't have the plastic one, so they
make That's why it's so. It's making so much noise.
It's so much and the diesel smell it comes right
through that door. I'm just gonna breathe. Yeah, okay, Nick,
(05:47):
are we good now? Are you still hearing the trash? Uh? No,
I think we're anything and we would have recorded somewhere else.
I wasn't thinking. Let's just do the show and I'm
sure it'll be fine. Okay, fine, Yeah, as long as
the ice jackal doesn't show, we'll be fine. Never mind, okay,
all right. When we think of the military, there is
(06:10):
one issue that I feel is a non issue. You
guessed it. I'm talking guys in the military. Why it
comes up year after year is exhausted. Pay no attention, Caroline,
Let's just keep doing the show. You didn't hear that
(06:33):
I'm going to spank your fanny and make your girlfriend watch.
You will do no such thing. You leave us alone.
Did you not hear that I'm not hearing anything? Is
Are you hearing a ghost? Yes? And frankly, it's chilling.
I'm glad you can't hear what the spirit is saying.
Oh my god. All we can do is continue um
(06:57):
as I was saying. The military is one of are
more evolved institution. And when it comes to race and
gender accord, my baby, the military is working for the
first baby with putting women in combat rules. My baby. No,
I'm not my baby. I am not what's going on?
(07:22):
Yes you are, you're my baby. I am not your baby. Stop.
It is the ghost saying that you're its baby. Yes,
and it's chilling. I'm going to put a diaper on
you and you're in a suck on my nipple. No,
I won't long. I won't do it, especially not all
night long. I'm going to push you around in a
(07:44):
stroller and everyone's going to compliment you on how big
and plump you are. No, I won't cooperate. I won't
ride in a stroller. Okay. Is the ghost going to
push you around a stroller? Now? Yes, but I won't
do it. You're my baby boy. I'm going to take
you on a slide, and you're going to go we never.
I won't enjoy the slide. Run. If we just ignore it,
(08:08):
maybe it'll just go away. Caroline, you have no idea.
He's telling me that he's going to push me around
in a stroller and then I guess take me to
a park because he's going to he's going to take
me on a slide. Well, these all sound like really
nice things to do, and I'm gonna go we Maybe
(08:28):
that's a fun activity. But I'm not a baby. Well,
of course not. But I mean, I don't know. Chill
is it wants to put me on a slide and
let me Is that the worst thing that could happen.
It's not like he's trying to kill you or anything.
Maybe he just wants to have a fun day at
the park. That keeps asking me if I'm his baby
over and over again. It's hard. I mean, I've never
(08:52):
dealt with a situation like this before. And you can't
hear him honestly, No, I need the creepiest high pitch voice.
Why did we do this at midnight? Well? I wish
you had woken up earlier than three pm, I know,
because I couldn't. I didn't get enough sleep. I slept
until three. We just shouldn't have done it today. It's
(09:15):
also just shag carpet and mostly pictures of you and
my laverning Shirley pinball machine corner, Yeah, which is priceless.
It's intense. Everyone in the crew keeps asking me how
much I want for it. I'm like, there's no price.
You can't name a price. They don't make those things anymore. Yeah,
(09:37):
Penny Marshall and the other lady. Yeah, alright, so if
we just ignore it, it don't just go away. Yeah,
just sort of like ignoring a bully at cool you
know sticks and stones? All right, let's ignore it. Are
you my baby? Why do you keep asking me if
(09:59):
i'm your bay be? Do you like trucks? Of course
I like trucks. Does baby like trucks? I like trucks.
But I'm not your baby. No, baby did not go
poo poo? So you are my baby? Stop it? Do
I need to change your pants in public? You will
(10:20):
not change my pants in public. I'm so proud of you, baby,
I'm not your baby. What does baby want to be
when he grows up? Baby wants to be a fireman?
Won't you say that you're my baby? No? Just say
that you're my baby, and I promise I won't send
the ice jackle. Please don't send the ice jackal. Is
he sending an ice jackole? Not if he says that
(10:42):
he's my baby, just say her on. Wait wait, you
can hear the ghosts now. I honestly could hear it
the whole time. I just wanted to see how it
would play out. Here comes the ice jam No, no, no, no, okay, okay, okay,
I'm your baby. There I said it. I knew you're
my baby. No, no, the ice JACKO. Look over there
(11:03):
by my Laverne and Shirley bit ball machine. You said
you wouldn't send him run the guys, JACKO step and nothing.
There's no talis but to defeat this green jack. Don't
look into his eyes. The ice jackle everyone out. Never
went out quick. Let's take a break. Now, let's take
a break out, take a break. Hey guys, Um, we're
(11:29):
back for the Ron Burgundy podcast. It's just me and
um Nick and Miles of the crew. Ron ran out
of the room, so we're just looking through um the
house for him. Right now, we're in his reck room.
Of just to describe, it's a poster of ferret faucet
(11:52):
and ryal ties on the wall. It's Harry Games set up,
mostly a lot of animal hides. Um, some knives thrown
into the wall. Uh. Sign that says no girls allowed,
which is really mature. Um yeah, Maxim top one list
ripped out with X's next some names. Ron. I just
(12:16):
this is a really unprofessional episode, and I apologize for that. Okay,
let's go to this bedroom. This is a place I
promised my therapist I would never go. Um Hi backster Um. Okay,
we're looking at a four poster bed mostly fors some
(12:37):
erotic Japanese art on the wall, a mirror on the ceiling.
Um inexplicably, there's a leather horse saddle on the floor
of his room. Let's just walk past that. We don't
really need to investigate. Um ron, m is that backster ron?
(13:02):
So okay, I think we got him. Run Hey, buddy
hates everyone? Ah, just you look pretty in it right now? Yes,
(13:27):
your house is beautiful. Did you did you captured in
the with the golden net of invincibility? Yes? Thank god
I kept that. Oh, we'll have to h We'll have
to have some of the guys run down to the
market and buy a couple of pounds of garlic. We'll
have to boil that to the sunrise. Is fill be
(13:50):
our only protective tellisman, Okay, we can do that. We can.
We'll send up. Sorry, I'm in my underwear. That's okay.
Well this has happened, and this happens to many people.
Maybe we just get dressed. I'm gonna pull some clothes.
Oh no, we have we have some the whole cruise here. Okay,
(14:14):
all right, okay, um, you know what, let's just go. Um,
let's leave him he's taking a shower now, so let's
go to the bedroom to record the rest of the episode.
Let's just take another break and welcome back to the
Ron Burgundy Podcast. To those of you that are still
listening and haven't completely turn this off because it was
(14:39):
so frightening. This is This is Ron Burgundy, and approximately
one hour ago, myself, Carolina, and our crew barely escaped
from my garage to the guest room in our haste
to save ourselves from the ice jackal. I received a
gash above my right eye, but that is nothing compared
(15:01):
to what could have happened if we had stayed in
that forsaken room. I mean, we just walked out of
the room. You're the one who ran to the side
of the door. You people foolishly strolled out of the room.
We had equipment and stuff. Well, don't worry, because we
(15:21):
don't have to worry about that room ever again. Tomorrow morning,
I will commence having my garage permanently sealed off from
the outside world. I will have its cemented end, because
no one should have to live through that again. You're
just going to fill the garage of fillingful of cement,
So no one, no one, can go in there again
and experience that awful, awful demon. It'll be I don't
(15:46):
know how long before I will be rid of the
images of that crazy jackal caked in blood and ice.
Yet some of us will be burdened for a lifetime.
I mean not some of us. I never saw it
or heard it. No one saw anything. No, it was
just a weird girl. But you felt it. No, you
(16:07):
felt a cool presence. No, it's actually warm in there,
because there's no it was an eight foot ice jackal. Okay, Ron,
I mean, no one saw anything. Denial is a much
easier path to take when you've witness something beyond recognition,
something your soul will never process. All right, Well, maybe
(16:34):
let's go to the fact check. Eight foot ice jackal.
Maybe no one saw it. We can't really address that
in the fact check, but um, okay, So for our
fact check today, we did pretty well. Um, you had
you had laryngitis, by the way, under the circumstances, I
(16:54):
don't see why you're putting me through a fact check.
I just like to keep the podcast on track as
we can. There's been still shaking. Legal is really on us,
all right, Um, laryngitis, you said, we had laryen laryng genitis.
(17:14):
It's laryngitis, which you didn't have, which we talked about. No,
I didn't have it right, But when you do, you'll
know it's laryngitis if you do. I'm pretty sure there
is another condition called laryng genitis, though, and that may
be more of a like a psiriasis. Okay, I don't
(17:35):
think the psoriasis of the vocal cords laryng genitius. I
don't even know what that would look like. But no,
you'd have to do a probe inside your throat. I
don't okay to do that. A jackal is usually from
a dry climate. Well, I know what I saw. It
was a jackal. It was an ice jackal. It was
(17:56):
caked in ice and blood. And it wasn't a bobcat.
It wasn't a big game cat, wasn't a bear, it
wasn't a hyaena. It was a jackal. Um. Cindy Williams
is the other is surely correct. She's wonderful. She was
my favorite. Yeah. Well, I'm glad you have that pinball machine.
(18:18):
How much did that run you? Well? I bought it retail. Okay,
good to know. I hope you'd get that out of
the garage. Well, it's gonna be sealed off, so that'll
be that will be just a tomb I'm sealing my
car in there as well. You should just take all this.
(18:39):
I don't want to go back in there. I'll give
you the keys. Would you mind backing it out? No problem,
thank you. Oh and then you wanted to keep our
subject today was supposed to be guys, guys in the military,
in the military, which is once it's kind of a
stupefying why it'sn't even an issue. I mean, you know,
(18:59):
guys have been in the military since the beginning, and
why people get so up in arms? Did you is
this the type of was this supposed to be gays
in the military? Yeah, that's the confusion. Okay, in the
military for a really long time. Yes, And that's why
I was just like, okay, well I'm happy to talk
(19:20):
about it, you know me, I want to tackle you
hard hitting topics. Yeah, you've always been I don't shy
away from any of that stuff. And okay, so gays
in the middle, bays in the military, maybe for another
episode maybe. Well, Yeah, we're a little emotionally depleted over
here for now because guys in the military no big deal. Yeah,
they're already in the military, but gays in the military
(19:41):
is still a big issue. Well yeah, I mean don't ask,
don't tell. That was repealed by the Obama administration, so
now you can say it. Yeah, great, Is this in
dated topic a little bit? It sounds like it's a
dated topic. We should take let's take that off the
big dry erase board. Okay, and maybe the episode where
(20:04):
you encourage women to vote for the first time, that
can go off too, because we've had that, right, because
we've had okay, yeah, no, I know that. Okay, great,
of course I know that. Yeah, no modern human being.
Here are my final thoughts. Whether you've seen a ghost
or I had to admit to a ghost that you
(20:26):
are the ghost. Baby, There's only one thing that matters
in life, and that's that no one is going to
stop to wipe your act. You're just going to have
to wipe your own with a smile. This is Ron
Burgundy saying, no one, and I repeat no one puts
(20:47):
ice Jackal in the corner. Thank you for listening. I'm
Ron Burgundy, Ron Burgundy Podcast. Someone must have seen that.
(21:07):
Stay tuned for scenes from the next episode of the
Ron Burgundy Podcast. On the Next Ron Burgundy Podcast, the
note you're handing me says, today's topic is poetry. No no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope,
(21:28):
nope nope. This is actually exciting. You got Mr Peter Dinklage. Yes,
he's showing some personal poetry actually, So okay, Ron, let's
just leave, let's hear the rest of the poem, and
let's just leave the sound machine a sound machine. Okay, Yeah,
I thought with the hello, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, you
know what, I just imagine what the poetry of it all,
(21:52):
it was more NPR than yeah, no exactly, you know anything.
That was the vibe that we're going to go for today.
So I think we're just gonna unplug the machine for
a second. It's totally unplugged. I've taken it off, put it,
put it away. The wild be reels from bow to
bow with his furry coat and his goody wing, now
(22:12):
in the lily cup and now betting it's just sin Carolina.
I am not gonna say I told you so, but
this poetry episode was never Gonna work out. The Ron
Burgundy Podcast is a production of I Heart Radio podcast
Network and Funnier Die. I'm Ron Burgundy. I'm the host,
(22:34):
writer and executive producer. Carolina Barlow is my co host,
writer and producer. The show was also produced by Whitney Hodeck,
Jack O'Brien, Miles Gray, and Nick step Our executive producer
is Mike Farren. Our consulting producer is Andrew Steve. Our
associate producer is Anna Hosnier. Our writer is Jake Fogos.
Our production supervisor is Colin McDougall. This episode was engineered, mixed,
(22:58):
and edited by Nick Stump. See you next Thursday on
The Ron Burgundy Podcast
Oh, roberguny podcast. This is Ron Burgundy and you are
listening to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Today's topic is a
lightning rod for so many people, and I have wanted
(00:20):
to have a discussion on it for years, so I'm
very excited. Today we will have an enlightening and spirited
debate on the subject of guys in the military. But
before we dive in, I want to alert our audience
to a technical situation we are dealing with today. For
(00:44):
the past few weeks or so, the podcast studio has
been under construction. In fact, it has been turned into
a crime scene. While repairing, some insulation workers discovered a
human skull inside one of the walls. And as I
know from experience, any time you discover human remains, you
(01:08):
must call the authorities, no exceptions. No matter how tempted
you may be to collect human bones, whether they be
found in an antique trunk or storage unit, tour out
on a hike, you have to call the police or
at least the rangers station. Do not, under any circumstances
(01:33):
hold on to a skull that you've found because you
think you would make a cool paper weight in your study.
I mean, think about it, that was someone's head for
Cripe's sake. Anyway, since the studio has been closed, we
have been recording the podcast from my living room, which
(01:55):
has been fine outside the fact that the crew eats
every thing in my fridge and never, I repeat never
flushes the damn toilet. It's disgusting. Well, today we are
having to record this show for my garage because my
(02:16):
living room flooded last night. Ah yes, I forgot to
turn off the bathtub again. So I just want to
alert you the listener that we have a location change. However,
this will not affect the quality of the broadcast in
(02:38):
any way. Thank you for indulging me with that extensive explanation,
But I I feel I owe it to you to
display the utmost integrity about every facet of the broadcast run.
Why are you whispering? Well, I'm not whispering. I'm using
what's referred to in the theater as a stage whisper.
(03:02):
It is a more projected whisper. Whatever. Why are you
doing it? We're why are you stage whispering? I'm just
trying to protect my my vocal cords since they are
they're currently inflamed. Yes, yes, I haven't flamed vocal cords.
You haven't flamed vocal cords. Yes, I haven't flamed vocal cords.
(03:23):
They are they are fully inflamed. I had had too
much verde sauce on my carnitas burrito last night and
it burned my my vocal cords, and it gave me
laryen genitus. Okay, I don't believe you wrong. We spoke
this morning and your voice was fine. No, trust me,
it's bad laryn genitus. I think your voice is fine.
(03:45):
M m hm. Oh okay, fine, you got me, You
got me. No, I don't. I don't have laryon jenitis. Um. Okay. Well,
the reason why I was whispering is because my garage
where we are broadcasting from right now is haunted. My
(04:09):
garage is haunted, and I was whispering because I'm afraid
of waking ghosts. There, I said it, what a relief
is really haunted? Absolutely haunted. I have I have seen
things that will make your head spin. And why we
had to do today's show at midnight is beyond me. Well,
(04:32):
we moved the show till later because you said you
couldn't sleep last night and didn't get up until three pm.
I didn't sleep because I was worried, sick about the
fact that we were going to record the show in
my haunted garage. Why didn't you just say you didn't
want to record in the garage because no one would
believe me if I told them that the garage was haunted. Okay,
(04:54):
well you could have just left that out and said
the garage was too messy or something. Hold on, hold
on one second garroline. Right, of course, on my street,
my trash removal is midnight. I really can't think of
a worse place or time to We've lobbied the city
and I don't know how many petitions we've put in
front of their fat faces. They won't listen to the taxpayer.
(05:21):
So many trash cans on it's just cruel to the garbage.
And of course our street we still have old metal
trash cans. We don't have the plastic one, so they
make That's why it's so. It's making so much noise.
It's so much and the diesel smell it comes right
through that door. I'm just gonna breathe. Yeah, okay, Nick,
(05:47):
are we good now? Are you still hearing the trash? Uh? No,
I think we're anything and we would have recorded somewhere else.
I wasn't thinking. Let's just do the show and I'm
sure it'll be fine. Okay, fine, Yeah, as long as
the ice jackal doesn't show, we'll be fine. Never mind, okay,
all right. When we think of the military, there is
(06:10):
one issue that I feel is a non issue. You
guessed it. I'm talking guys in the military. Why it
comes up year after year is exhausted. Pay no attention, Caroline,
Let's just keep doing the show. You didn't hear that
(06:33):
I'm going to spank your fanny and make your girlfriend watch.
You will do no such thing. You leave us alone.
Did you not hear that I'm not hearing anything? Is
Are you hearing a ghost? Yes? And frankly, it's chilling.
I'm glad you can't hear what the spirit is saying.
Oh my god. All we can do is continue um
(06:57):
as I was saying. The military is one of are
more evolved institution. And when it comes to race and
gender accord, my baby, the military is working for the
first baby with putting women in combat rules. My baby. No,
I'm not my baby. I am not what's going on?
(07:22):
Yes you are, you're my baby. I am not your baby. Stop.
It is the ghost saying that you're its baby. Yes,
and it's chilling. I'm going to put a diaper on
you and you're in a suck on my nipple. No,
I won't long. I won't do it, especially not all
night long. I'm going to push you around in a
(07:44):
stroller and everyone's going to compliment you on how big
and plump you are. No, I won't cooperate. I won't
ride in a stroller. Okay. Is the ghost going to
push you around a stroller? Now? Yes, but I won't
do it. You're my baby boy. I'm going to take
you on a slide, and you're going to go we never.
I won't enjoy the slide. Run. If we just ignore it,
(08:08):
maybe it'll just go away. Caroline, you have no idea.
He's telling me that he's going to push me around
in a stroller and then I guess take me to
a park because he's going to he's going to take
me on a slide. Well, these all sound like really
nice things to do, and I'm gonna go we Maybe
(08:28):
that's a fun activity. But I'm not a baby. Well,
of course not. But I mean, I don't know. Chill
is it wants to put me on a slide and
let me Is that the worst thing that could happen.
It's not like he's trying to kill you or anything.
Maybe he just wants to have a fun day at
the park. That keeps asking me if I'm his baby
over and over again. It's hard. I mean, I've never
(08:52):
dealt with a situation like this before. And you can't
hear him honestly, No, I need the creepiest high pitch voice.
Why did we do this at midnight? Well? I wish
you had woken up earlier than three pm, I know,
because I couldn't. I didn't get enough sleep. I slept
until three. We just shouldn't have done it today. It's
(09:15):
also just shag carpet and mostly pictures of you and
my laverning Shirley pinball machine corner, Yeah, which is priceless.
It's intense. Everyone in the crew keeps asking me how
much I want for it. I'm like, there's no price.
You can't name a price. They don't make those things anymore. Yeah,
(09:37):
Penny Marshall and the other lady. Yeah, alright, so if
we just ignore it, it don't just go away. Yeah,
just sort of like ignoring a bully at cool you
know sticks and stones? All right, let's ignore it. Are
you my baby? Why do you keep asking me if
(09:59):
i'm your bay be? Do you like trucks? Of course
I like trucks. Does baby like trucks? I like trucks.
But I'm not your baby. No, baby did not go
poo poo? So you are my baby? Stop it? Do
I need to change your pants in public? You will
(10:20):
not change my pants in public. I'm so proud of you, baby,
I'm not your baby. What does baby want to be
when he grows up? Baby wants to be a fireman?
Won't you say that you're my baby? No? Just say
that you're my baby, and I promise I won't send
the ice jackle. Please don't send the ice jackal. Is
he sending an ice jackole? Not if he says that
(10:42):
he's my baby, just say her on. Wait wait, you
can hear the ghosts now. I honestly could hear it
the whole time. I just wanted to see how it
would play out. Here comes the ice jam No, no, no, no, okay, okay, okay,
I'm your baby. There I said it. I knew you're
my baby. No, no, the ice JACKO. Look over there
(11:03):
by my Laverne and Shirley bit ball machine. You said
you wouldn't send him run the guys, JACKO step and nothing.
There's no talis but to defeat this green jack. Don't
look into his eyes. The ice jackle everyone out. Never
went out quick. Let's take a break. Now, let's take
a break out, take a break. Hey guys, Um, we're
(11:29):
back for the Ron Burgundy podcast. It's just me and
um Nick and Miles of the crew. Ron ran out
of the room, so we're just looking through um the
house for him. Right now, we're in his reck room.
Of just to describe, it's a poster of ferret faucet
(11:52):
and ryal ties on the wall. It's Harry Games set up,
mostly a lot of animal hides. Um, some knives thrown
into the wall. Uh. Sign that says no girls allowed,
which is really mature. Um yeah, Maxim top one list
ripped out with X's next some names. Ron. I just
(12:16):
this is a really unprofessional episode, and I apologize for that. Okay,
let's go to this bedroom. This is a place I
promised my therapist I would never go. Um Hi backster Um. Okay,
we're looking at a four poster bed mostly fors some
(12:37):
erotic Japanese art on the wall, a mirror on the ceiling.
Um inexplicably, there's a leather horse saddle on the floor
of his room. Let's just walk past that. We don't
really need to investigate. Um ron, m is that backster ron?
(13:02):
So okay, I think we got him. Run Hey, buddy
hates everyone? Ah, just you look pretty in it right now? Yes,
(13:27):
your house is beautiful. Did you did you captured in
the with the golden net of invincibility? Yes? Thank god
I kept that. Oh, we'll have to h We'll have
to have some of the guys run down to the
market and buy a couple of pounds of garlic. We'll
have to boil that to the sunrise. Is fill be
(13:50):
our only protective tellisman, Okay, we can do that. We can.
We'll send up. Sorry, I'm in my underwear. That's okay.
Well this has happened, and this happens to many people.
Maybe we just get dressed. I'm gonna pull some clothes.
Oh no, we have we have some the whole cruise here. Okay,
(14:14):
all right, okay, um, you know what, let's just go. Um,
let's leave him he's taking a shower now, so let's
go to the bedroom to record the rest of the episode.
Let's just take another break and welcome back to the
Ron Burgundy Podcast. To those of you that are still
listening and haven't completely turn this off because it was
(14:39):
so frightening. This is This is Ron Burgundy, and approximately
one hour ago, myself, Carolina, and our crew barely escaped
from my garage to the guest room in our haste
to save ourselves from the ice jackal. I received a
gash above my right eye, but that is nothing compared
(15:01):
to what could have happened if we had stayed in
that forsaken room. I mean, we just walked out of
the room. You're the one who ran to the side
of the door. You people foolishly strolled out of the room.
We had equipment and stuff. Well, don't worry, because we
(15:21):
don't have to worry about that room ever again. Tomorrow morning,
I will commence having my garage permanently sealed off from
the outside world. I will have its cemented end, because
no one should have to live through that again. You're
just going to fill the garage of fillingful of cement,
So no one, no one, can go in there again
and experience that awful, awful demon. It'll be I don't
(15:46):
know how long before I will be rid of the
images of that crazy jackal caked in blood and ice.
Yet some of us will be burdened for a lifetime.
I mean not some of us. I never saw it
or heard it. No one saw anything. No, it was
just a weird girl. But you felt it. No, you
(16:07):
felt a cool presence. No, it's actually warm in there,
because there's no it was an eight foot ice jackal. Okay, Ron,
I mean, no one saw anything. Denial is a much
easier path to take when you've witness something beyond recognition,
something your soul will never process. All right, Well, maybe
(16:34):
let's go to the fact check. Eight foot ice jackal.
Maybe no one saw it. We can't really address that
in the fact check, but um, okay, So for our
fact check today, we did pretty well. Um, you had
you had laryngitis, by the way, under the circumstances, I
(16:54):
don't see why you're putting me through a fact check.
I just like to keep the podcast on track as
we can. There's been still shaking. Legal is really on us,
all right, Um, laryngitis, you said, we had laryen laryng genitis.
(17:14):
It's laryngitis, which you didn't have, which we talked about. No,
I didn't have it right, But when you do, you'll
know it's laryngitis if you do. I'm pretty sure there
is another condition called laryng genitis, though, and that may
be more of a like a psiriasis. Okay, I don't
(17:35):
think the psoriasis of the vocal cords laryng genitius. I
don't even know what that would look like. But no,
you'd have to do a probe inside your throat. I
don't okay to do that. A jackal is usually from
a dry climate. Well, I know what I saw. It
was a jackal. It was an ice jackal. It was
(17:56):
caked in ice and blood. And it wasn't a bobcat.
It wasn't a big game cat, wasn't a bear, it
wasn't a hyaena. It was a jackal. Um. Cindy Williams
is the other is surely correct. She's wonderful. She was
my favorite. Yeah. Well, I'm glad you have that pinball machine.
(18:18):
How much did that run you? Well? I bought it retail. Okay,
good to know. I hope you'd get that out of
the garage. Well, it's gonna be sealed off, so that'll
be that will be just a tomb I'm sealing my
car in there as well. You should just take all this.
(18:39):
I don't want to go back in there. I'll give
you the keys. Would you mind backing it out? No problem,
thank you. Oh and then you wanted to keep our
subject today was supposed to be guys, guys in the military,
in the military, which is once it's kind of a
stupefying why it'sn't even an issue. I mean, you know,
(18:59):
guys have been in the military since the beginning, and
why people get so up in arms? Did you is
this the type of was this supposed to be gays
in the military? Yeah, that's the confusion. Okay, in the
military for a really long time. Yes, And that's why
I was just like, okay, well I'm happy to talk
(19:20):
about it, you know me, I want to tackle you
hard hitting topics. Yeah, you've always been I don't shy
away from any of that stuff. And okay, so gays
in the middle, bays in the military, maybe for another
episode maybe. Well, Yeah, we're a little emotionally depleted over
here for now because guys in the military no big deal. Yeah,
they're already in the military, but gays in the military
(19:41):
is still a big issue. Well yeah, I mean don't ask,
don't tell. That was repealed by the Obama administration, so
now you can say it. Yeah, great, Is this in
dated topic a little bit? It sounds like it's a
dated topic. We should take let's take that off the
big dry erase board. Okay, and maybe the episode where
(20:04):
you encourage women to vote for the first time, that
can go off too, because we've had that, right, because
we've had okay, yeah, no, I know that. Okay, great,
of course I know that. Yeah, no modern human being.
Here are my final thoughts. Whether you've seen a ghost
or I had to admit to a ghost that you
(20:26):
are the ghost. Baby, There's only one thing that matters
in life, and that's that no one is going to
stop to wipe your act. You're just going to have
to wipe your own with a smile. This is Ron
Burgundy saying, no one, and I repeat no one puts
(20:47):
ice Jackal in the corner. Thank you for listening. I'm
Ron Burgundy, Ron Burgundy Podcast. Someone must have seen that.
(21:07):
Stay tuned for scenes from the next episode of the
Ron Burgundy Podcast. On the Next Ron Burgundy Podcast, the
note you're handing me says, today's topic is poetry. No no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope,
(21:28):
nope nope. This is actually exciting. You got Mr Peter Dinklage. Yes,
he's showing some personal poetry actually, So okay, Ron, let's
just leave, let's hear the rest of the poem, and
let's just leave the sound machine a sound machine. Okay, Yeah,
I thought with the hello, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, you
know what, I just imagine what the poetry of it all,
(21:52):
it was more NPR than yeah, no exactly, you know anything.
That was the vibe that we're going to go for today.
So I think we're just gonna unplug the machine for
a second. It's totally unplugged. I've taken it off, put it,
put it away. The wild be reels from bow to
bow with his furry coat and his goody wing, now
(22:12):
in the lily cup and now betting it's just sin Carolina.
I am not gonna say I told you so, but
this poetry episode was never Gonna work out. The Ron
Burgundy Podcast is a production of I Heart Radio podcast
Network and Funnier Die. I'm Ron Burgundy. I'm the host,
(22:34):
writer and executive producer. Carolina Barlow is my co host,
writer and producer. The show was also produced by Whitney Hodeck,
Jack O'Brien, Miles Gray, and Nick step Our executive producer
is Mike Farren. Our consulting producer is Andrew Steve. Our
associate producer is Anna Hosnier. Our writer is Jake Fogos.
Our production supervisor is Colin McDougall. This episode was engineered, mixed,
(22:58):
and edited by Nick Stump. See you next Thursday on
The Ron Burgundy Podcast
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