From Substance Abuse to Spiritual Enlightenment

Episode Transcript
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(00:05):
Welcome to the black sheep recovery warfare podcast where it is our mission
to debunk the lies of the enemy and announce freedom to those still lost in
the darkness and addiction,
welcome to another edition of black sheep
recovery warfare podcast we are
here in the the studio with my beautiful co-host dr

(00:27):
legit huh well stacy leggett
yeah well you can you can go with
legit you like dr legit i feel like it's accurate it is
yeah i mean it uh it is completely accurate because you are the legit one and
you are a doctor not exactly well you're going to well if you say it with a

(00:47):
question mark then it's totally legal doctor yeah anyway we're We're joined
today by our guest, Damian Donald.
He's from Biloxi, Mississippi. And he's going to share his story, his testimony with us.
But before we do that, I need to recognize my little buddy, Carter Bell.
Can you put that up there for me?

(01:07):
Oh, yeah. How exciting. Carter Bell is one of my best friends, Robert Bell, his son.
And he, let's see, let's recognize him. I'm going to wait for the picture.
Wait. Wait for it. Wait for the picture.
There we go. Now we can talk about it. I wasn't prepared. All right, so this is Carter Bell.
He was awarded for combined excellent behavior, citizenship,

(01:30):
and straight A's to earn a yard sign, certificate, and free swag bag by achieving Eagle Elite today.
He's really growing up, and we're very proud of this fine fellow of ours.
Congratulations, Carter Bell. Congratulations. On your achievements. We love you, buddy.
What comes in that swag? I don't know. You know, Robert told me,

(01:51):
and I forgot. You know, I'll have to ask him. I completely forgot.
So I guess I could call him. No, I'm just kidding.
Anyway, OK, so thank you for joining us. And here we are with Damien Donald.
Damien, introduce yourself. My name is Damien Donald.
Not a whole lot really to say other than, you know, I spent my whole life selling drugs, man.
The Lord found a way to live me up out of that, in and out of prison my whole life.

(02:15):
Came from absolutely nothing. Now I have an opportunity where I'm at now,
the place that I work at now.
I'm able to actually help people who are going through the same things that
I've been going through my whole life.
For the first time in my life, I had purpose. Amen. You know,
I mean, I always thought throughout my life that I was helping people.
You know, I always say, there's something I always say. John,
I think I mentioned this to you before, but, you know, who but Satan can sit

(02:37):
on the throne in the middle of hell?
I have. You know what I mean? I sold methamphetamines, man. And my life was
just one big day after day of sorcery that I would bring into people's lives.
And I would watch their lives be torn completely apart.
And somehow in my twisted mind, I thought I was helping them.

(02:58):
Yeah. Right. I would watch them lose their jobs. I would watch their families fall apart.
And there was always someone else to blame. So, I mean, I'm just so happy that
the Lord has lifted me up, picked
me up, man, and gave me a purpose in my life and a willingness, man.
To say, you know what, that's absolutely wrong. Stop blaming other people,
man. If you're blaming someone else.

(03:18):
Yeah. We're so thankful for that, Damien.
One thing I'd like to know to, you know, to kind of kick this off is where,
where did that all begin for you?
Like, uh, like what was the catalyst that drove you into that life?
Well, when I was a kid, man, we were extremely poor, right? My mom,
we had absolutely nothing.
Uh, we lived for like three years without even having water in our, in our home.

(03:40):
Like we would have to go to my grandmother's house just to get water to to flush
the toilets with, we would go down there to take a shower.
We would get, we would fill up milk gallons of milk, you know,
the milk jugs, you know, to drink out of and, and, and put in our refrigerator.
So I just, I decided at a very young age, man, that wasn't going to be me.
I wasn't going to live that life. But yeah, I realized that Harvard doesn't

(04:02):
accept drug addicted alcoholic dropouts that come from a long line of drug addicted alcoholic dropouts.
So while I knew that I was pretty smart.
I knew that I would never make it in that world, or at least I was convinced
that I would never make it in that world.
And so I had to find a world in which I would make it. Everyone around me was
high. Everyone around me was drunk.

(04:22):
And I saw a world in which I could thrive. And I knew that I could outsmart them.
Does that make any sense? I mean, I watched them all around me.
I thought, man, you know what I mean? This is easy.
And I found myself just so So submerged in it that it started with a little
weed here, a little weed there.
It just spiraled out of control, man. You know, I'm going to ask you this.

(04:45):
Was it the attraction to that lifestyle?
Was it more about the drugs and being able to escape from reality or the opportunity
to have the money? You didn't have.
I gotcha. Well, for me, honestly, it was more about.
It was about significance. Yeah. Right. See, I had been made fun of my whole entire life, man.
We were extremely poor. There was never a time when I would go somewhere with

(05:08):
the kids from school where I was looked at as even an equal.
I had absolutely nothing my whole entire life.
So I found significance in that whenever I was started bringing weed to school,
okay, man, they were everywhere.
People needed you. They needed me. yeah and and i mean seriously you make this
almost you become this almost godlike persona,

(05:29):
to those people you know what i mean and my uncle he sold drugs
you know my whole life and he told me he said he
said man he said never smoke with them don't get high on your own supply no
it wasn't even that yeah yeah but that's true too yes but what he told me that
whenever you go and you sit down with them in their homes and you partake with
them they lose that persona right right? You become one of them.

(05:52):
You never want to become one of them. And that was something that he really
pushed in my head. He wasn't my real uncle. He was a man named Rick.
But he was like an uncle to me and he taught me a lot, but he taught me all
the wrong things, if that makes any sense.
Well, and none of that is you being able to be your authentic self.
No, absolutely not. I never knew who I was, Stacey. And you found validation in all that.
Oh, of course I did. Of course I did. I mean, I could turn my phone off, man.

(06:17):
I think I have 5 million messages, You know what I mean?
Because I was, I was needed, you know, and I had never been needed before in my whole life.
I mean, how old were you when you, when you started?
Man, that's a good question, bro. Um.
My stepdad, man, he used to roll joints up, man. He would get ounces and he
would roll up joints, man. And he taught me how to roll them up.

(06:38):
And I guess I was probably, you know, 15, whenever, whenever we were doing that.
Even before then though, you know, it was little small things,
but it was at that time, my brother, Robert, man, we would go and he had this Arazi 28, man.
And we just thought we were so cool, you know, and he would bring me to school
and just give me a pack. Like bring that to school with you, man.
Bring the money back, bro. We'll go get some more. So, I mean,

(06:58):
I was taking very little to nothing and going to school and making all this money.
And it just, I dropped out of school in the ninth grade simply because if you
weren't calling me to get something, like if I wasn't going to bring you something,
I wasn't even going to go to school
because it was worthless to me at that point, if that makes any sense.
Yeah, it does. I want to go back to something that you said,

(07:19):
because I relate to it so much, but just feeling important, being needed,
you know, and just that reputation.
Because I know when I got sober the last time that I got sober,
it was crazy to me that it wasn't necessarily the drugs and the alcohol,
like the feeling from the drugs and alcohol that was the most difficult part for me.
It was letting go of the importance that I

(07:41):
felt like I had been able to gain with all these people out
here like you know i can get the good stuff and this and that third
and everybody's calling me and so you know in in this weird way
it was it was the one thing that made me better than
who i really was authentically because i thought that i was nothing right
your identity in it yeah you know the the popularity that comes along with it

(08:01):
is addictive in itself because i know that when when i when i left high school
i took a job at papa john's delivering pizza and but that's not I literally
had the Papa John's deal on top of my car.
This was back in those beeper days, too. Y'all got to know that I'm very old.
I remember the beepers. There were bag phones and there were beepers.

(08:23):
You had to read code on these pagers. I was there, too. I know you were.
I would get certain codes, and I would wait for my next delivery to go out.
I probably had about a couple ounces in the car ready to go,
and I would just literally walk up to the door, knock on it,
and I'd put it in a pizza box. You're giving somebody ideas right now.

(08:44):
Oh, yeah. Anyway, that's how I ran. But I'm telling you, my pager exploded every day.
And I got a high off of that. Yeah. Right.
It does. It becomes so overwhelming. It becomes this...
You know what people used to say, man, that drug dealing was the easy way out,
right? They would say, oh, that's easy money.

(09:05):
Well, I don't know where you find it to be easy. You might get shot. You might not.
You're on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week, man. There's never a time
whenever you're not at work ever.
That's true. Your whole life revolves around it. Here's the thing.
What it all boils down to is sorcery, right? So you're holding this mix of Formakia
is what it was called in the Old Testament.

(09:26):
It was a god that they would worship named Formakia. The same word from which
you get pharmacy and pharmaceutical, right?
So you're holding on to this sorcery, right?
And it becomes the idol of not only you, but everyone around you.
And as a drug dealer, you begin to think that you have some type of a power
over it. Yeah. Right? Like, it's not me. They're all calling me for it.
And you don't realize that, you know, some of those people are only calling

(09:50):
you on the weekends, man.
Your whole life revolves around it, man. Yeah. You know, you're trapped.
Yeah. There's no way out. It literally puts them under a spell.
It is. I think about the Paul, something he says in Philippians,
and it helped me so much. I want to say chapter three.
I could be wrong on that. But he talks about everything I once considered valuable.
I now see it all as garbage compared with the infinite knowledge of knowing

(10:14):
Christ. I'm not going to say what that word really means. Yeah.
But he was absolutely correct in that same passage. as he says,
not, not, uh, not looking back, but forgetting those things that you're behind
and moving forward toward the goal of, of, of life in Christ Jesus.
I mean, and that that's, that's the powerful thing about all of this,
man, is that what Christ has done for you, what Christ has done for me,

(10:36):
what Christ has done for everyone sitting in this room right now, John, Stacey,
you know, you guys, we are living proof that God changes lives that everyone
said was unchangeable. That's right. It's true.
Cause I used to be, and you know, it wasn't just a couple of short years ago
that I was a walking human piece of trash. Oh yeah. Me too.
You know, I mean, I was living in, you know, I was getting high in dumpsters

(10:58):
and, and, and, and, and, you know.
On a tour from trap house to motel room back
to a dumpster and and look at us now you know god
has literally plugged us out of the darkness and put us
on the forefront of his army yeah there was
a there was a lady that this was many many years ago who basically came up to
my stepmom one day and was like you just need to stop praying for her like she's

(11:20):
she's not one of god's chosen people she's not ever going to get it right and
i'm like you know absolutely and listen you know Let me say this real quick.
I've been really working.
Everybody should know that I lost a little sister a few years back,
but I do have an older sister that is still, I'm working on her very hard.

(11:43):
She reaches out from time to time wanting help and this, that,
and the third to get into a program to pull her out of the situation that she is in.
She's right there on the cusp of it, but she's just not ready.
And I'm really working hard on her for that because she's still trapped in that and you know.
A lot of people have given up on her. Some, and you know, family members too,

(12:06):
that's kind of written her off and I'm just not going to give up on her.
I'm never going to stop praying for her because I know that if it,
if it happened to me and it happened to Stacy and it happened to you and it
happened for Robbie Faircloth, shout out Robbie Faircloth, Steve and Tara, who else is watching?
All of my listeners and watchers, man. If it happened for us,

(12:27):
it can certainly happen for my sister, April. That's right.
I'll tell you something, man. And this is the reality of it, man.
The world around us has convinced everyone, especially young people today,
man, that, you know, the greatest resource is money, right?
They believe literally that the more you get money, the better off it's going
to be, you know? And for me, that was true too.

(12:49):
I thought the more I could accumulate, right, the better off I was going to be.
And I realized something though, man, with money, I can store money in shoe
boxes. I can put money in banks.
I can hide Hide it under my bed. I can hold it until a time when I need it.
You can't do that. Yeah, but isn't it going to be harder for a rich man to get
through the eye of a needle than it is to get into the gates of heaven?

(13:12):
Oh, absolutely, because he will not use his money for what's good.
But what I'm getting at, man, is that with time, man, it's an unrenewable resource.
See, I can't go back. I can't do 20 years in prison and go back and say,
now I'm going to teach my little girl how to tie her shoe because she's grown.
Own you see i can't i can't do that
it's impossible for me to do that and the world has

(13:33):
confused us and convinced us so often that it's
all about gaining what you can gain for yourself when in
fact man we need to be we need to be investing eternally man we need to be doing
something with our time that invests in the younger generation to keep them
from going the same way that we went man that's what this podcast is all about
man how many did we lead into darkness i'm sorry i know i I drug a bunch of

(13:56):
them into the darkness myself. Somebody's had some espresso.
So, Damien, okay, so you were the weed guy at school, okay? So how did we progress from there?
Well, from there, I started up, my brother, Robert had this,
this connection, like, and it was a chick.
She was really cool. And I got in with her real good. And, and she started,

(14:17):
she sold cocaine too. Right.
So she started asking me, Hey, you know, you know, anybody who does this,
does this? I said, well, you know, yeah, I'll give it a shot.
So I took it out there and sure enough, you know, the, the monster becomes the monster that it is.
You know, I, I was selling it, but I was doing it all day long too.
And it just became a point where I was doing crack. I was smoking crack.
Crack. I was selling crack.

(14:38):
I was selling weed. I was selling methamphetamines because look,
there's madness, right?
Every one of us is like a tuning fork and we attract those that are like-minded to us, man.
That's how all of us who are in this room together right now,
we're here because we're attracted
to one another because the Holy Spirit leads us to come together.
And the same thing is true for those who are the other way. That is so true.

(14:59):
I've got the weed and I've got the meth. Yeah. I swear it's phenomenal.
I can't tell you how many times I would go somewhere in my addiction and like
15 of my main folks were like, how did we all just end up here together?
It's like you keep running into the same people, different hotels,
different drug dealers. It's like we just magically appear there together.
And unplanned. Yeah, completely unplanned. Unplanned.

(15:19):
Because it just works that way. It's just how it is.
So anyway, dealing with her, I skyrocketed. Like I went from moving a little
bit here and a little bit there to, you know, I hate to say it this way,
but achieving potential.
Like seeing what my potential truly was because of the prices she was giving me, right?
I mean, the prices were astronomical and my clientele just skyrocketed, right?

(15:42):
I mean, I went from having absolutely nothing to three cars in the yard, you know what I mean?
And it was just, it was mind blowing to me because me, as I told you guys earlier,
I never had anything, man.
I didn't know what to do when I did have anything, right?
Like I was so stuck on this idea that I could never be anything that whenever I began to find.
That I was winning in that area, it was very hard for me to take my hands off

(16:05):
of it right i i just had to keep going well things fell out man uh heard the
feds were coming to my house burn my stuff in the backyard moved to houston
right moved houston to get away from drugs yeah good how did that go for you,
it's really funny how we think if we just change the location that that's gonna
just change you know everything you know it's like let me just get away from

(16:27):
these people all my problems are They're going to dissipate.
Yeah, they're just going to dissipate. And, you know, you can truly,
I mean, if you leave it all behind and you go to Christ, that's the way to do it. Yeah.
I have a question. So when you had all these things that you felt like you didn't
have growing up, did they make you happy?
No. No, I was absolutely visual. Good question. Good question.

(16:47):
Whenever, before I got my last trafficking charge, right, I remember sitting,
I don't know if you guys are familiar with Biloxi, but there's a road called Irish Hill Road.
And right off of Irish Hill, there's a little, it's a railroad track.
And there's a little road where you can pull down and sit beside the railroad track, right?
And I'm sitting there. I've got a suite at the Scarlet Pearl,
right? Scarlet Pearl is a gigantic casino on the coast, right?

(17:10):
So I've got a suite at the Scarlet Pearl.
I got like three girls at the casino, at the motel waiting for me over there.
My phone's blowing up I've got a big old bag
full of stuff and I've got over five grand in my pocket and I'm
sitting there and all I can think about man is is
this next train that comes I'm gonna I'm gonna drive in front of it man wow
because I'm reminded and I'll never forget when this really hit me I was in

(17:33):
Harrison County Jail and I was laying on that bed and I was reading Matthew
chapter 6 and Jesus said something he said is life not more than what shall
I eat and what shall I aware.
He said, do not the Gentiles seek after all these things, but seek ye first
the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
And I found myself sitting there on that bed, and I was sitting there in that

(17:55):
truck that night, and that's the exact question I was asking.
I mean, you've got to understand, I wasn't sitting there saying,
well, my life sucks because to the eyes of everyone around me,
I had everything that they wanted.
I couldn't go use the bathroom without someone knocking on the door asking if
I want, would you like a glass of water? It might be parched.
The simple fact of the matter is, is that I was was absolutely empty.

(18:15):
I was empty. And I was sitting in that truck that night. And all I could think
of is life, not more than this, everything I'm chasing after the things that
the Gentiles chase after I've got it.
It's all around me, but everyone I meet is, is either a police or trying to rob me in my mind. Yeah.
Everyone who I encounter day to day, I'm definitely afraid that they they're
plotting and planning on me in some way, everything I have, I've got to keep it with me.

(18:39):
I'm riding around with a half a pound of methamphetamines because I'm afraid
to to leave it anywhere because I feel like everyone's going to steal from me.
You know what I mean? I get in the vehicle. Every time I get in the vehicle,
I'm definitely afraid that those cars in front of me and the cars behind me, they're all police.
There is no happiness in that. It's pure misery, yet you convince yourself somehow

(18:59):
that this thing that makes you absolutely miserable has made you happy. It makes no sense.
It seems like a better alternative than where I came from or a better alternative
than what life would be like if I were sober.
And what you said, earlier when you were talking, I mean, you found your identity in it.
I was at a point in my life where I did not know who I would be without it.
I didn't know. I mean, that was my identity.

(19:21):
That's who I was. How could I drop who I was?
So every time I would get out of jail, I would get out of prison.
I would say, well, I'm going to do better.
I never did. I remember, man, I don't know if you guys are familiar with when
Jesus was tempted in the wilderness, right?
So Jesus is out there and Satan says to him, he says, you know,
make these stones into bread, right? Make these stones into bread.

(19:45):
And I remember I was I was at a big ministry that's down in Losedale.
I'm not going to I'm not going to drop any names.
But I was I was at another ministry where I was down there. I was I was handling
the marketing and outreach aspect of it.
And everything was going great. I mean, the Lord was really just putting things in my life.
I mean, and everything was just moving all around me. I was making connections all over the country.

(20:05):
It was great. And I was watching the Lord literally bless everything I laid my hands to.
And again even in my
christianity even as a born-again christian what crept
in my pride man yes me me me
me and me and i said you
know what i don't need this place i'll go i'll go do it

(20:25):
myself i'm gonna start my own ministry you know i'm gonna take off
and dude i got home and guess what they all
fell apart i had stepped out of the will of god bro what matters
is being in the will of god god bless what you're doing
if it is in his will that you are doing it amen
it's not when you turn and walk away so i found myself
i'll never forget man my fiance uh i don't want to go into that right now right

(20:50):
now exactly but anyway her and i were inside of it we were standing in this
little bitty shed right and she's begging me you know don't do this anymore
please don't go back to doing that you know and i'm just like you know what
we got to do it But, you know,
and it was the same – it was like –.
Why are you hungry? That's the question that literally, that's the question

(21:10):
he was asking Jesus in the wilderness.
Why are you hungry? If you are the son of God, why are you hungry?
Right? And for me, it was the same thing. Well, if you're truly a son,
if he loves you so much, if he's blessing everything you're doing, right?
Why then are you sleeping in this shack? Why is she out here in the cold?
Take those stones and make them into bread. You don't need God.
Go do it your own way. Amen.

(21:31):
Wow. And that's where I found myself. I found myself pinned down between this
rock and this hard spot where I didn't know where to turn.
And I knew that I needed to trust the Lord. But then I became angry because,
you know, I was supposed to go start this ministry that he didn't ordain.
Right. Because that was me. That was what Damien wanted to do.
Anything done outside of the spirit of God is sin, brother.

(21:53):
Ill-gotten gain. It doesn't matter how good it may look to the outside viewer.
Well, you know, and that brings up a question for me and just, I guess, for everybody.
Body like what is your definition of success you know
because i i thought that it had to look like this and sound like
that and and bless my life in these certain
ways for it to be considered successful but really like success in the eyes

(22:15):
of god sometimes is not so much about what's going on around me it's about what's
going on inside of me and the revelations that i'm making about him and and
being able to pass those revelations on to the next person in line you know
but we do we We get it twisted.
You know, I have to have increase externally when really sometimes it's just
internally. There's never enough.

(22:35):
Right. Your eyes are your eyes are full of full of deceit, man.
Your heart's full of greed and there's never enough.
You know, and that's just the reality of the whole thing is that whenever you're
seeking after things, I think Paul said it best.
Paul said, I know both how to be a base and how to abound wherever and in all things.
I have been instructed to be full and to be hungry, to abound and to suffer

(22:57):
me, for I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
And, you know, that's taken out of context so much.
The context of that is not that I can go lift a million pounds as Josh Watts.
I don't know if you're watching Josh Watts, but like you always say,
it does not mean that I can go lift a million pounds because I can do all things
through Christ who strengthens me.
It means that I can be content in whatever situation that I'm in.

(23:20):
It's not having everything that I want, but it's wanting everything that I had.
Yeah, I think, too, back to, I mean, just my very early days in recovery.
I mean, I had nothing, you know, I literally had nothing.
And I could not have felt more passion in my relationship with Jesus because
he was all I had, literally.
And so what I see people do is that they get some clean time.

(23:42):
They get a job. They got all these things. Job, money, needs.
You know, and it's like, OK, hey, God, I'll be back later.
Thanks. You know, thanks for everything. See you later. Thanks for saving my life.
Yeah, thanks for saving my life. We'll be back. I mean, when I came out of prison
this last time, a couple of years ago, I had literally not a dime in my pocket,
no vehicle, no job and nothing.
And except for the Lord, that's all I walked out of prison with.

(24:03):
And, you know, I've stayed, you know, on fire.
I've stayed obedient to him. I've stayed in his will. And he has provided for
me, you know, everything as far as my living, food, jobs, you know,
the podcast, everything.
I mean, but I know if I step out of it and I try to I try to get about like

(24:25):
me, me, me and prideful and things like that, I know it can all be taken away.
And is that fear of the Lord? Like just that having that fear of falling out from under his favor?
Is that, you know, is that about the same thing as, you know, having fear?
I mean, I was always I was think about like fear of the Lord,
more of like a reverence. It's like I'm in awe of, I'm acknowledging how powerful

(24:49):
and almighty that God is.
And because of that, I want to be in line with him. Not fear as in like I'm
scared of what God might do or how my life might fall apart.
Although that's important to know that it can fall apart.
But just like honor and respect and awe, like you said, Damien.
Yeah. Just knowing that. I was just thinking about this, man.

(25:09):
I see, I hear a lot of people today, especially Christians today,
they've got this naming and claiming thing going, this word of faith movement
that's going on out there, you know, and if you just believe strong enough,
God's going to give you all this manifestation.
Right. And here's the thing, man, if that was true, why then was Paul hungry?

(25:30):
Why, what about Peter? That was Peter's faith not strong enough whenever he
was out there planting churches?
What, you know, when Paul was was traveling on the three missionary journeys
and he was writing to Thessalonica and he was writing to all these people and
he was asking them to please help him, right?
When he was dealing with the Philippians and all them saying,
hey man, thank you for the gifts.
Why was he asking for those things if his faith was going to make him rich? Yeah. Right.

(25:55):
The whole point is, is being able to have a sense of comfort when there should not be. Yeah. I see.
Supernatural peace. Whenever it has absolutely nothing to do with what we have
physically, but what we have spiritually.
And I was telling you the other day, Stacey, and this is something that I think

(26:15):
most Christians in Christianity today do not understand.
They don't even think about it. It doesn't even cross their minds,
right, is what they have in Christ.
Right? They don't understand it. In in ephesians chapter 2 it says bless me
the lord of our bless me the father of our lord.
Jesus christ who Has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly

(26:36):
places again. I ask how many more can I get than every?
Can I get any more than every? If I have every one then I have every one.
What if you had every dollar in the people's bank?
That'd be a lot. Yeah, a whole lot. But that's only one bank, right?
That's not every dollar in every bank in the world. So you have every spiritual blessing in heaven.

(26:59):
Everyone, not just one little area, not one bank, but every bank of heaven's
blessings has been given to you at the moment of salvation.
And what does has blessed mean? It's already happened. It's already done.
So, so often, man, what we do is we try to revert to ourselves to take ourselves
through our situations.
We're looking to ourselves to handle it because we don't know what we have in Christ.

(27:22):
So how do we, how do you, in your opinion, how do you walk that out?
Like, how do I have that revelation of just how much I've been blessed in Christ?
How does that change my behavior or my orientation towards the world and others
and challenges? Can I ask you this?
When you step out of bed every morning, why do you put your feet on the floor?
So I can walk. But how do you know it's going to hold you?

(27:44):
Faith. Strength. In faith and trust. You know it, right?
You just know it. People use the word faith a lot. They use the word believe
a lot. But both of those words are interchanged with no.
Okay? Do you know that the Lord is real? Do you really believe that what you
believe is really real? Let me ask you that.
Do you truly believe that what you believe is really real?
Because if you do, our lives should be changing, right? Because if we believe

(28:08):
that we have received every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places,
If we know or a fact that no matter what whether I live or whether I die like
paul said whether I live Or whether I die.
I know that it is in god's will and that is my only goal in
life Whether I have everything in the world or whether I
have absolutely nothing as long as i'm within the will of god
And and you know taking care of what

(28:30):
he is leading me to take care of by his spirit Those are
the only things that matter and if those are the only things that matter then
I have absolutely nothing to worry about out right but
that's very hard thing to do right it is difficult that's hard
to do okay all right so where was
it for you i don't know if you weren't getting this part yet because this is this
kind of this conversation is going so well and i'm

(28:51):
learning i mean this is amazing something i mean we we
got off on a but i i gotta know like well
talk to me all right so i mean you did some prison time
oh man i did lots of lots of prison how much
prison time did you do total man i'd say
say about 20 years i guess all drug related well yeah
well not all i mean the first time i got locked up

(29:12):
i was 13 i stayed locked up from 13 to 15 i got
out then got locked up again and and then stayed locked up
pretty much continuously from 2010 to 2020 i got out for like four months at
a time you know i would get out four months later i'd be right back well where
were you at like the the first time that you had some type of experience with

(29:34):
the holy spirit and like Like, what woke you up to it? Yeah.
All my life, man, I read books, right? But they never really held me,
man. Well, one day I was in jail. Believe it or not, I was in jail.
And all I had was this Bible, man. It was a Gideon's Bible. It was all I had, man.
So I started reading it. And it didn't even have the Old Testament in it.

(29:55):
It just had the New Testament. So I started off reading these gospels.
And this Jesus, man. But God, man, this Jesus.
I mean, to me, I found myself, because I'm very analytical. Y'all know that
about me if you hang around me very much.
But I started to notice that in different gospels
I could fill in pieces from the other one the one that I had read already
oh this is the same place this is a parallel right so

(30:17):
this is what was going on there and and they got a hold of me intellectually
okay but intellectually means nothing right until it's here yeah none of that
matters man I mean you know it's funny you said that because like I have a couple
of friends that that have seen what's happened to me in my life and they'll
ask me questions about it.

(30:37):
And I'll ask them, well, have you ever read the Bible? And they're like,
yeah, I've read it from cover to cover.
And I'm like, that's just not how it works. Words on a page.
You can read it. He's like, yeah, I read it five years ago.
I'm like, that's not how it works. I mean, that's just not how it works.
Again, people start in the wrong place. Right. I mean, what it was for me, it's like.

(31:00):
After I was in prison and I'd been exposed to church and all of that at a young age up until that point,
but I never really, you know, really focused in into literally reading the Bible
until I was in that situation where I didn't have anything else to read.
And and then it came alive to me absolutely

(31:20):
it's it's like literal literally speaking
to me you know not just to the dead
prophet 300,000 years ago or to the gentiles
or anything i mean i felt like it was literally talking to me
and telling me how to live my life and this is how you
live your life and this is how you get into
the heaven and then i mean and then that's

(31:43):
when when my heart started to change and my behavior started
to change and the way I treated people started to
change and and then it's really
hard to really explain that to somebody that's dead set against
Christianity and Jesus it's like yeah I've read the Bible well and I think it's
the Holy Spirit working through the things that you're that you're reading you

(32:03):
know it and and to to understand spiritual things you have to be a spiritual
person yeah so the Holy Spirit is a a key component there. Absolutely.
In John chapter 14, he says, but he said, the things that I'll tell you right
now, you do not understand.
But when he comes, the comforter, who is the spirit of truth,
he shall lead you into all truth.
Damien, you know what I love about you more than anything so far,

(32:25):
man? I've only been talking to you about a couple of weeks. And I'm fat.
Well, yeah, you're fat. You can say it, John. You can say it. Yeah, you're fat.
No, no. That's it. I'm leaving. Let me make some positive affirmations for you to take home with you.
This fire that you have in you And you are so well versed of the Bible.
And I mean, you've got me sucked into this. Like, you know, I mean,

(32:48):
I'm just like hanging on every word.
And I got to know it's like, all right. So you found that you found that in
prison and and you obviously, I mean, it really lit a fire in your heart.
Like, where did you go from there with it? It's like I started doing these Bible studies, man.
Chaplain Tony Graham. I don't know if you're watching Tony Graham,
but Chaplain Tony. Tony, he had these Bible studies, right?

(33:11):
They were called the Good News Prison and Jail Ministry, right?
And I would do them and what it is, you'd have to read a short little bit and
then you'd have to go back and answer the questions, right?
Well, I became completely addicted to them. I got two free Bibles out of it.
But the more that I studied it, the more it was alive to me,
the more I could feel that.
That, you know, this change within me, man, this for the first time in my life,

(33:34):
I had a desire to do something different.
Now, did that play itself out? No, no. It took many years from that,
those seeds being planted, me going to the LLP program out in Harrison County
and completing that program and having to go to prison and all that stuff.
It took many, many years for those seeds to really start to grow within me because

(33:54):
I think the soil of my heart was so, it was so hard.
You know i didn't understand man i mean we're sitting
here doing a light-hearted you know rendition of
things man but believe me bro when i tell you i've been involved in some
very violent things i mean i can believe that i've been involved in in some
extremely violent things oh if i ran into you on the street outside of this

(34:16):
i'd be terrified of you i mean i'd be i wouldn't want to walk into you in a
dark corner dark alleyway you know and i mean the fact is is that the Holy Spirit,
I believe I was saved in LLP many, many years ago. What is LLP?
The Life Learning Program.
Chaplain Tony Graham runs it down. There used to be Chaplain Joe who had it before that.
But I mean, this is a great program, man. It's an excellent program.

(34:39):
I would recommend it to anyone.
I wish that, you know, there was a place where young people could go and do
that program where that's all they, when they wake up in the morning,
they come out of the zone, they go to classes all day long, right? Right.
And I mean, it orientates you with the word of God. Yeah.
But for me, I would get out and Tony Graham told me, so Damien,
you have all that biblical knowledge. Look at you.

(35:01):
Here you are again. Yeah. You know, here you are. I'm down there on the hall.
Hey, Mr. Chapman. So you weren't walking it out at that point? Oh, of course not. No.
No, absolutely. Because man, the simple fact, and you said it earlier, right?
But sanctification is the work of the Holy Spirit. It's not a work of me trying harder to do better.
Okay. I can try harder. I can take the Bible and I can open it up and I can

(35:22):
read do's and don'ts all day long.
And through those do's and don'ts, I can try to change my life.
But I cannot change my life, bro.
I knew what was right and what was wrong before I picked up the Bible.
Yeah. And how exhausting is
it? Because I heard when I very first got sober, flesh can't slay flesh.
Absolutely. And I, but I, that was, that was how I thought I was going to be

(35:43):
right. I was going to do all the things right.
Check that box, check that box, check that box. I didn't know that that's what
I was doing, but it would be 7.08 in the morning. I'm like, I'm tired.
I'm exhausted, you know, trying to do everything right. But,
you know, I really love what you're saying right now, because I think it's really
important for people to hear, you know, that, that this is a process.
And so it's kind of like, where are your expectations?
And are you, are you trying to shame yourself, guilt yourself into right behavior?

(36:08):
Because shame is a really poor motivator. But the word says that God sends his
word out and it accomplishes everything he wants it to. And sometimes that doesn't mean overnight.
It doesn't mean in the first rehab you go to. But it does mean that God is always
working and always using his word. So it's not in vain. It's never in vain.
Very well said. I mean, you know what? And that comes back to what was the only

(36:31):
enablement that the Israelites had to keep the Ten Commandments?
There was only one enablement they had. What was it? Stoning.
If me and John got caught, if me and John were doing something together and
he got caught and I watched them beat him with rocks, there's a good chance
I'm not going to do it. Yeah. Fear.
The fear is going to keep you in line. So it was an external forces.

(36:53):
Okay. I can take the Bible right now. I can read the do's and don'ts in it.
And I can try to use that as an external force to make me change my internal behaviors.
Right. So what happens with an egg? Man, if I take an egg and I crush it,
what happens to the chicken inside of it? It dies.
It dies because the law brings death. Yeah. Right. Now, what happens to that same egg?

(37:15):
If it's broken from the inside life, a baby chicken, look at this,
you see. So the external beatings that they give.
And when you tear yourself apart through guilt and shaming yourself,
and I can't believe I'm not doing better.
And I keep falling down. And, you know, the simple fact of the matter is when
you fall down, you got to get back up because you know that Christ died for you. It is a done deal.

(37:36):
That's what it says. It's like Jesus came to fulfill the law and profit. Amen. All of that.
He did this for you. There's no more guilt. It says, there is therefore now
no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, man.
The law of the spirit of life has set me free from the law of sin and death.
It's hard to walk that out sometimes, though. It is. Because the society that
we live in, I don't think we understand that.

(37:57):
Even a lot of churches that you go to, I mean, you still kind of get that style
of preaching and that style of, I don't know if you necessarily want to call
it discipleship or, but, you know, you better this or you better that or this is going to happen.
And so even like I can remember being in church at like eight,
nine, ten. And it was just like, oh, goodness. Oh, wow.
And I wasn't able to get the things right. So I was like, well, I'm already doomed.

(38:17):
You know, I'm nine years old and I'm sure I'm just going to go to hell and hand
over here because I can't get it right. Right. Absolutely.
Because whenever it's whenever your salvation is based on your performance.
You're never going to make it. That's so good. Never.
See, my salvation is not based on what I did before, what I'm doing now or what
I will do later. my salvation is based 100% completely on what Christ did on Calvary's cross.

(38:42):
Amen. I would add this too, that salvation is not a feeling. It's a fact.
There is no feeling. I mean, that's the whole thing. I mean,
it has absolutely nothing to do with your emotions. But we make it that way, though.
And also, it's not religion. It's a relationship.
That's right. I hate it when somebody says I'm religious. Yeah. Does that bother you?
Yes. I think it just depends on if that person understands the difference.

(39:05):
Well, I don't think that they do. It's like, because it's not at all about, you know, religion.
It is truly about a relationship with Christ.
Now, I will say this, though. Now, with all that being said,
OK, with all that being said, the fact of the matter is when the Holy Spirit
comes to live with, you know, he says that he will live with he will be with you forever.
Right. Forever. So the Holy Spirit comes to live within you forever.

(39:29):
Right. So it says in Peter, he talks about two natures. Right.
You have you have the sin nature, the endemic sin nature that we inherited from
Adam. But now we have a new nature that has been imputed to us through the righteousness
of the Holy Spirit that now lives within us.
That in and of himself, the Holy Spirit in and of himself will begin to change

(39:51):
your outward behaviors.
Right. Because the more that the more that you walk by the spirit,
the more you make the decision. You know what the word decision means?
Anybody make up your mind?
Well, well, yeah. But I mean, I'm just looking at it.
Etymologically, I'm sorry. Okay, so what does incision mean? To cut. Cut where?

(40:13):
Deep. Into. Into. To cut into, right? I was like, I'm going to let you in on that.
Y'all don't turn into freaks now. If you want scars, I'll show you scars.
But what does circumcision mean? Well. To cut around.
You got to look at it from a different perspective.
That's why you're here. We're listening. I feel like I'm in a theology class.

(40:34):
But decision means to cut away from.
Oh, that's good. Oh, that is good. That's good. I like makes sense.
It does. So whenever you look at it from that perspective, right?
The Holy Spirit is going to lead you.
You're going to come to crossroads a million times a day in your life.
You're going to come to a point where you got to make.
This way or this way. And the Holy Spirit is going to be leading you to one

(40:56):
of them. And your flesh is going to be leading you to another one.
The more you follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit, the more like Christ you will become.
It's impossible not to write. The more you pour into your mind the word of God,
the more the word of God will begin to saturate your heart.
The more he saturates your heart. He said of the abundance of the heart,
does the mouth speak? speak.
So the more I pour the word of God into my mind and it infiltrates into my heart,

(41:21):
the more the word of God will come out of me.
And I'm not just talking about when I speak, I'm talking about in my daily life.
I will have a love that surpasses understanding because I don't know why I have,
I don't know why I care about this person. I don't know why I care about that, but I do.
You know what I mean? And I mean, the Bible says that you will experience a
love that surpasses knowledge. How can you know something that passes knowledge, man?

(41:41):
That's pretty intense. sense. That is it. You know, I remember when I got back
from Teen Challenge, this lady told my mom one day that it looked like I had
the Jesus seeping out of my pores and I was just trying to buy eggs at Kroger.
You know what I mean? I don't know. I don't know what I was doing.
I was just kind of standing there.
But it was there's there's something obvious, even in a physical way,
about a person who is really passionate about their relationship and their love for Christ.

(42:05):
Stacey, when I saw you do your testimony last year, there was this light off
of you that is is indescribable yeah i mean it was incredible and i see that light on a lot of people,
and it's blinding sometimes and i gotta tell you when i saw yours
that day and i knew that you were eventually going to be on a
podcast if i ever had one that i mean it was just blinding yeah you know you're

(42:26):
so passionate about your story and getting it out there and you know i just
wanted to tell you that and now you know and i'm you know i've only been around
damien for a short period of time but every time i've gotten around damien it's
the same it's like he when he gets on the these theology lessons.
He is so passionate about that light. I love the Lord. I mean,
I don't know, you know, you can't see this from, you know, from YouTube or from

(42:48):
Facebook, but, you know, we got all kind of lights in here. And it's like.
You don't even notice the blue lights or red lights. It's all the other lights
right now. You're trying to make us look good.
Well, it's just that you know that the Holy Spirit is ever present here with us.
And I'm just loving this, man. I mean, I feel so full right now.
And the first time I met you was quite recently.

(43:09):
And this dude just came bebopping in full force. You know what I mean?
Full speed ahead. And just like he knew every one of us, you know? I don't know any.
And this is like going back. He jumped into a bag of ice. I did.
I did. He did, voluntarily, too. And you put it all over Facebook.
And I laughed about it. And this also goes back to what I said in previous episodes,

(43:29):
that God is waking people up to this, that we're in straight-up darkness that
are covered in tattoos and, you know, bald and fat. Wow.
Oh, my gosh.
No, it's like, I mean, he's literally plucking people out of the pit of hell,
and he's like turning turning those that that

(43:51):
serve satan in his army and using it literally using
it against them him and his minions like and
this just blows my mind welcome to the
black sheep you know what blows my mind bro is that so many people out there
sit in so many pews every week yeah and they sit there and they watch the guy
who walks in with the tattoos on his arms and they say man he shouldn't be oh

(44:13):
yeah he probably just walked out of a bar or a trap house He shouldn't be here.
The fact of the matter is, man, what's the greater testimony?
And look, I'm not throwing rocks at anybody, so please.
Don't come for us. Disclaimer, Facebook, YouTube, don't, don't.
You know what I mean? Disclaimer.
But the simple fact of the matter is, more of a testimony, someone who grew
up with parents who were Christians, who taught them the right way their entire

(44:35):
lives, is that more of a testimony or the one who was at the bottom of the pit of hell?
Yeah. Well, and I think, you know, because I have a precious,
precious family member, and we've had this conversation before because you're
going to have my testimony, you know, and then she's like, I don't have that.
And I was like, but hang on a second, though, because your testimony matters, too.

(44:55):
And it's not about necessarily which one is better, but which one can reach who?
Yeah. So it's like, you know, I might be able to reach a certain population
of people, but then she has this whole other population of people that listen
to my story and they're like, should I have my purse?
I don't know what to do right now, you know? So I think it all has merit and

(45:16):
it's all important for different people in different places.
See, Josh, Josh Watts, again, another shout out to my pastor, Pastor Josh, man.
I see he's up there. He's watching us. So, but anyway, Pastor Josh says all
the time, he'll say, you know, there'll be places where Damien can't go where
I can walk in there wearing my jacket and go up there and they will accept me in.

(45:37):
But there's also places where Damien can go that I can never go.
I mean, I'll tell you something and look, I'm just a little,
you know, just a quick throw out there, man.
But if you guys ever want to come in, come join us, man, at Simmons Memorial
Baptist Baptist Church, man, out there in Flora.
Man, we would love to have you guys, man. Come check it out, man.
Josh is an absolute beast with the Word of God. This man loves the Lord, man. Amen. Seriously.

(45:59):
But anyhow, but yeah. Let's get it back to your testimony.
I mean, I'm really loving where these conversations are going,
but I want people to know you, Damien. I want to know how all this came about.
So take us back to where you were, I guess back in that shack you were talking about.
Back in that shack you were talking about. we know you've been in prison and

(46:21):
all that so what happened after that?
All right. So the way it kind of went down was this, man, I'll never forget.
I came home. I was out looking for a job. I was walking around trying to find
a job and I've always got a job my whole life. If you guys know, I can talk.
Yeah, I can talk. I was going to say you have that gift of gagging. You don't say.
I don't say, but I mean, I've never seen a time where I would go try to get

(46:42):
a job that I didn't get it.
You know, just being real. I mean, all my life. Well, you're a people person. It's very obvious.
So I couldn't find a job anywhere. Again, I had stepped out of the will of God.
Like I was no longer doing what God had put for me to do. I had,
I had removed myself from that equation and put myself in a place where he wasn't
going to allow me to do what he did not want me to do. Does that make any sense?

(47:03):
So I can't find a job. I go home and I'll never forget Vanessa standing on this.
She's standing on this little table thing and she's trying to hang like a home
sweet home sign inside of this.
I mean, literally you can see through the walls. You know what I'm saying?
Like this place is freezing outside, man.
It's absolutely freezing freezing outside, and I looked at her,
and I was like, we're not doing this, man, you know, I've got to,

(47:23):
you know, and she cried, she begged me, you know, don't do this, don't do this, and.
Anyway, man, so I ended up scoring, man, you know, sure enough,
man, we're out of the shack in no time, I mean, you'd be amazed how fast it
lights back up, even when it's been years, right, so,
all that to say, everything seems to be going good again, this,
that, and the other, well, we get pulled over, she takes all my stuff and hides

(47:46):
it on her, she takes the charge, couch. All right. So she goes to jail.
I go to Harrison County and I bond her out immediately. Like she never,
she never sees a cell. Right. I'm there. I got her. Right.
Well, I bond her out. She gets out.
She's like, okay, we got to stop. This has got to stop. I won't listen.
Of course, because you know, I know everything, you know, I'm so much smarter than she is obviously.

(48:08):
So, you know, we're going to do it my way. Right. You know, and,
The harsh reality is this, the harshness of the reality of how untrue that statement
is, is soul shattering, right?
Because it's not long before we get pulled over again because I'm being watched.
I'm being followed, man. They're everywhere, right? They're all over the place.
Right? So we get pulled over again. She takes the charge again.

(48:33):
She's a rider. She's got two of them. I mean, back to back.
I mean, we're talking about good charges, too. We're not talking about a hay
ball, man. You know what I mean? We're talking about some charges,
man. Yeah. So I go down there to get her.
She's got a misdemeanor warrant and they won't let her out.
No matter what I do, I cannot get her out. So I have to wait for her to get

(48:54):
done with the misdemeanors before I can get her out.
Well, I'm talking to her on the phone. She's like, listen, you know,
they've got to be watching you stop.
You've got to stop. You've got to stop. You've got to stop. And I just keep on going.
Right. So not long after she goes to jail, I get hit by a narcotics task.
That's why he actually hit by the the Joint County Narcotics Task Force and
the Goldport Special Crime or Goldport Tactical Unit.

(49:17):
OK, the first time I got hit was the Joint County Narcotics Task Force and the
Biloxi Special Crimes Unit.
OK, so this time I get hit. I don't take them on a hot speed chase this time.
I took him on a long hot speed chase the last time. It was completely crazy, man.
I was all over the news forever. But but anyway, we're hit.
Shit anyhow i dump everything out of the window but

(49:38):
it's over right so i get hit i get thrown
into jail i bond her out from jail as soon as she
can make bond i bond her out well i realize
that i'm in a bad way at this point right you know what gave it
away i've got
like 20 years already over my head
now at this point with an eight-year sentence that's

(49:59):
attached to that with a five-year your sentence that's attached to that you
see what i mean so we're talking about a lot of years here man
that's not counting the new charge right they got me they got me i'm in
there for trafficking oh you know what i'm saying yeah i'm
not in there for no for no little you know nothing student
you know nothing small i'm in there i'm in trouble well come to find out and

(50:19):
we'll get to that in a minute i'm gonna tell you how the lord worked in that
situation yeah that's that's my favorite part anyway i've been in there for
a couple months man i go talk to chap and tony again right and And Captain Tony's
just like, you know, shaking his head. And anyway...
Doing my bible studies back to work there and i'm talking to
vanessa every day and i'm like baby you know i'm back studying my bible i'm
back with the lord you know and she's just like yeah and she's

(50:41):
telling me she's going to talk to the po well the po told vanessa that
with the amount of time that i
already had over my head coupled with the time i was
going to get on the new charge that uh i was never
coming home he told her you know look you gotta you just
gotta you know i know you love him
but you're gonna have to let him go so long story short he got

(51:01):
all that time and he broke out and now he's here broke
out he escaped but uh
anyway so i got accepted to a program by the name of friends of alcoholics um
i've heard that one at this time now covid covid's here and i'll never forget
vanessa saying to me wait a minute let's back up a little bit okay so you're
literally in prison and you're facing what sounds to be like 65 years nine years

(51:26):
nine years okay i wouldn't be close.
All right. We're facing 93 years and that's what you're looking at, but God.
All right. So how, how did that come? I want to hear the specifics on,
you know, what you did to get in, you know, for, for this miracle to take place in your life.
Well, let me, let me tell you this real quick, man, because I can't just leave
this part out of it at all.

(51:47):
So I'm talking to Vanessa on the phone one night. We've got like,
I don't know, I guess we've got maybe.
A dollar left, you know, when the phone calls over, we're talking about starting
a ministry again, you know, all this good stuff.
And I love you so much. And, but I remember her telling me before that,
she said, you know, it's, it's the end of the world out here and you're not here to protect me, man.
You've left me, you're gone. And I'm out here by myself. I can't even pump gas.

(52:08):
That was like a gut punch. Oh, it, it almost killed me, man.
So her and I were talking on the phone one night and, you know,
I've been accepted to friends of alcoholics, but they can't accept people the
normal way because of COVID. Right.
So people they're having to do, they're having to do quarantines well
they only want people to come on Sundays but Harrison
County will not transport on Sunday oh wow so

(52:29):
I'm stuck for like seven months waiting but anyway
I'm talking to Vanessa and you know we're talking about all this stuff and she's
just like well maybe you know when you come home and we're talking about all
that and then she was like are you gonna call me back and I said well why don't
we save that dollar till tomorrow she's like you know you can call me back if
you want to we can always get some more money and I was like no Let's save that dollar for tomorrow.

(52:51):
So the next day I wake up. I go to work.
I was buffing floors for the captain, right? So I go and I buff floors all day long.
And I come in. I go over there to the kiosk. And I open up my kiosk.
And I got a message from Vanessa, Venus Butterfly. It says, farewell.
No matter what, I loved you. Always know that.
Wow. And I'm like, what is she talking about? So I go to the phone and call, man. I call.

(53:16):
And I just call. And I call. and I call and I call and there's
just no answer there's no answer there's no answer there's
no answer so I'm calling her mom and her mom's not answering and
nobody's answering anywhere nobody will answer the phone so
finally I get in touch with the people where she was staying the roommate one
of the roommates that were staying in the house and and he answered the phone
his name was John believe it or not and John answers the phone and he says he's

(53:39):
crying I'm like I'm like where's Vanessa and he said listen Dan it's not good
man I'm like I'm like what do you mean he's like man man, she's gone. You know, she's gone.
And it hit me like a truck, man. You know, I mean, I'm just...
Anyway take your time so anyway after we got off the phone she went in there
and turned some music on made herself a breakfast take two bites out of it went

(54:04):
into the carport and hers oh my god.
So now there i am looking at 93 mandatory years i've just lost everything that
i owned again because see satan doesn't give you anything bro that's you gotta
understand about this whole thing Satan does not give you anything.
He loans it to you, and it's a very high interest rate loan. Yeah.
See, he doesn't only take back the things that he loans you.

(54:28):
He also takes your time away. He also takes your life away. He takes everything
that you love, and he takes the years that go with it in that penitentiary, bro.
It's not something that you can ever regain. There's no way you can turn around
and grab even one second back.
There's no way you can ever hold her again. There's no way you can ever touch her again.
It's gone. gone when it's gone it's gone okay that's

(54:51):
the reality of it that's the reality of where drugs bring
you that's the reality of where satan leads you is
emptiness punishment and misery
yeah because that's what he gives you and he gives you lots of it so i'm looking
at 93 mandatory years now all of my possessions are gone the love of my life
just killed herself and i'm in a place where i don't have any real reason to

(55:14):
live that's that's how i see it i have nothing left what's the point,
what's the point even if i get out for what where would i go who would i go to i have nothing,
so they finally one night i was out there doing the doing the hallways and the
sergeant said hey come here i need to talk to you i said what's up she said

(55:35):
pack your stuff up when you get to the zone you're you're leaving i'm like i'm
leaving what do you mean i'm leaving you know what i mean She was like,
you're going to Friends of Alcoholics, man.
You're going in the morning and night. So I'm like, wow. But God.
But God, man. So let me ask you real quick. How long was that after you found out about your.
About a month and a half. About a month, six weeks. About a month and a half.

(55:56):
Yep. After, after she passed away.
And God be doing stuff, man. Man, don't a man. Well, I get there.
And as soon as I get there, man, I'm just like, wow, man.
Cause the study there, I'm, I'm an avid studier, right? Like I know I joke around
a lot and stuff, but I mean, when it comes down to it, bro, I'm very highly
studious. I'm extremely studious.
So we get there and we're learning theology. You know, we're learning like,

(56:20):
and it's in a way that everyone can understand it. You know, if that makes any sense.
And we're going through the basic Bible doctrine course and I'm just like,
find myself engrossed in this. And I know that I'm looking at the rest of my life in prison.
There's no way to not understand that, right?
I mean, but I had made a decision that my dependence would only be on the Lord.
I could no longer depend on myself because look at where the depending on myself

(56:43):
got me, man. Depending on myself had cost me everything that I ever cared about.
And it was at a point in my life where I was so broken that I knew that I had
only to depend on him because without him, there was no way I was going to make it.
There was nothing else. And that's where I found my strength.
And then I knew what Paul said when he said, because when I am weak, that's when I am strong.
You know what I mean? And he gave me this strength. And as I walked through

(57:06):
that, I got really good friends with Aaron Bonner, who runs the ministry over there.
And I was teaching classes. I would teach classes on Thursday nights and every
Thursday night I was in there teaching classes.
And I would teach sometimes on Saturday nights because those are the two off nights.
And I was doing authentic manhood and I was doing true project and giving the
guys an opportunity to come in there and study with us.

(57:27):
You know, and it was it was like, you know, this ultimate change of heart, not just of mine.
It wasn't about me doing what I needed to do to get out so I could go back home.
That was over with it was about me
doing what God led
me to do you know I don't know what I'm about
to say it's going to come out right but you when I

(57:49):
when I look at people like us and I watch them in
church and I watch them tell their story and I watch them you know just just
just do life there's so much passion and there's so much gratitude and I think
about how deep that darkness was and And because the darkness was so incredibly deep.

(58:10):
The light is so bright, right?
We can find gratitude and just happiness and peace and just smallest little
things because we remember what it's like to literally be living in hell.
You know, Damien, I have a very similar story with what you just shared.
Now, I wasn't in prison, but I did lose the love of my life to suicide also.

(58:32):
And it's very difficult to explain what happens to a person after that happens.
Yeah, because you feel like there's all these mixed feelings with that, you know, just like,
I don't know. With them telling her, for years I was really mad at the NDOC,
you know, because I still, a lot of me says, you know, she heard them say I
was never coming home, you know, and that had a lot to do with it.

(58:55):
But, you know, when it boils down, what happened with the charges?
I was out there working in the pantry one day. I just threw my phone on the
ground because that's how I do it. No, no, no, John. That's how I do it.
That was intentional. John, I'm making it rain. Wow.
I don't have any money, but I've got some coins in my pocket. I can make it hail.

(59:15):
I literally made it rain with my cell phone. So that's kind of like,
actually, like, I don't know, what would that be? A rock slide?
That thing will take you out, bud. That thing is serious. But what happened
with the charges? You're facing 93 years. I'm in there.
I'm in the pantry and I'm working, putting up my groceries that are coming through
from the Kroger run that day.

(59:37):
And Dave Bailey who was the guy who worked
my job that I work now that at that time and
he said he said Damian Donald you need to come to the office it's very
important so I go in there and it's my it's my attorney she said are you sitting
down I said I said do I need to be she said I would if I were you and I sat
down she said you've been indicted and I was like oh here we go you know because

(01:00:01):
I took him on a small chase and not a big chase. A small chase.
It wasn't like an OJ. This wasn't like a...
I'm pretty sure you said a few minutes ago that it was crazy.
This isn't like the white Bronco OJ Simpson.
My first one was. Yeah, my first one was. The second one, not so much.
Let's get honest on air, Damien.
Yeah, that's the relatively... It was a smaller chase. It wasn't that bad.

(01:00:25):
You know, I turned around and threw all the airbags. But anyway, so...
They were not able to use any of the evidence. The evidence was corrupted.
Okay. Now I had two violations that would have, it would have made it to 33
years is what that would have been along with 60 times to a mandatory for my

(01:00:47):
new charges with the, what they were shooting at me with.
But anyway, so I had possession charges, a simple, not even possession with
intent, a simple possession from 2015, right?
That I had, I was supposed to be on probation for. Well, guess what?
I never started that probation.
This is what I'm telling you. I never started that probation. They stack charges.

(01:01:11):
So the 33 years that they were given to me here, I couldn't start those until
I completed the eight. Do you understand the implications?
They can't give me the 33 years. The only thing they can give me is the eight
from 2015 because that has to be completed before I can start the new cause number.
So we went from that high to that low. She said, they're offering you 10 years

(01:01:32):
right now. 10 years. I said, I'll take it.
So anyway, those got thrown out.
They were not able to use the vast majority of the drugs they found because
it was contaminated. It was all over the road. I had dumped it out. I didn't throw out a bag.
There was no, there were bags out there, but they were empty.

(01:01:53):
I dumped it out on the road. road.
So anyway, I go back, Judge Dotson. Thank you, Judge Dotson.
I don't know if you'll ever see this, but that woman has had so much faith in me, man. Judge Dotson.
Judge Dotson has literally given me 53 years total, and she has given me just
opportunity after opportunity, man.

(01:02:13):
But I know that it's the Lord truly that has the heart in his hands, right?
So I mean, she can't give me anything that the Lord does not ordain because
he is sovereign and it is in his will what will happen and
anyway so i went back and she gave
me my eight years back on my old charge she gave
me 20 years on my new charge suspended 18

(01:02:34):
for a total of 10 to serve so i had to go to prison you know i did i went to
prison and the whole time i was in prison i just preached the word of god man
i just brought them guys in and you'd be amazed how bright your light shines
in such a dark place i've seen it you know god did a little prison time it's
you know it's It's amazing.
It really is. It truly is. And there was no way I should have ever made parole

(01:02:56):
on my first time. How long was it, like a total?
Out of the 10 years? I did two years.
Wow. Right. And they counted the year I did it FOA. So really,
you just went back, did a year? Did a year.
That's all. So you went from penitentiary to the pantry, back to prison,
back to the penitentiary, and you did a year. And now you're back at?

(01:03:16):
Well, this is what happened, man. The whole time I was in prison,
man, I stayed on the phone. Kevin Conroy man Kevin I hope you're watching man
I love you so much man Kevin Conroy.
Was the only person that answered the phone when I was in prison.
He kept money on my phone, man.
He, he was the only one who was there for me, man. Kevin Conroy,
man, the entire time I was there, it was never a time when I make a phone call

(01:03:38):
unless he was a sleeper. So I'm not saying he never answered the phone. Don't know.
I don't want to overgeneralize, but I mean, he was always there the entire time from FOA.
And I talked to Aaron Bonner and Aaron Bonner said, you know what, man?
I said, Aaron, you know, I just, I just want to serve the Lord,
man. That's what I want to do. I want to serve the Lord.
He said, well, why don't you come serve with us, man? And we had already talked

(01:03:59):
about this before I had left. You know, he said, if you make it out,
you can come here. You'll go on staff.
We'll put you to work. So I came out of prison, man. I made parole.
FOA picked me up from the bus station, bro. I was, I was hired that day,
man. I've been there ever since.
That's so awesome. God. Yeah. Nothing but God, man.
It's like he puts us right back in the very thing we messed up so bad in a completely different role.

(01:04:23):
It's, it's amazing. It's crazy. He did the same thing to Brad Hancock, man.
It's like Brad was in prison, literally, you know, making the phone calls to
to get him to where he's at right now at Gateway.
And now he's accepting the phone calls from the guys in prison. Yeah.
You know, to, you know, get into Gateway. Yeah. And I mean, it's just I feel

(01:04:44):
like that every day at work. I'm like, wait, I'm the therapist.
OK. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, for sure. How's that happen? Yeah.
Man, this is amazing, son, man, so amazing.
I've literally watched the Lord put the pieces back together, you know?
I mean, he's put them back together, and I have to understand,
I think we all have to understand, man, that nothing that you have in this world

(01:05:05):
is yours. Right. Nothing.
It all belongs to the Lord, man. You're a steward of what he is giving.
And it's funny you put it like that because every time, you know,
you brought up the temptation story earlier in the desert, And every time I
read it and I think about it, I'm like, when they get to the point where they're
on the mountaintop and he's offering him all those kingdoms and stuff like that,
I'm like, how is he sitting there offering God his own stuff?

(01:05:26):
I just did a lesson on this the other day. What was the lesson?
Well, I went to talk to some of the some of the girls at Rankin County,
and it was just essentially how the devil takes us up to the very same mountaintop. Right.
And shows us all these things and makes it look so, so wonderful.
Right. Right. But but kind of exactly like what you're saying, you know, it does.

(01:05:48):
And it reminds me of something that God told me one day and just as clear as
it could be, because I was fighting God about something. Right.
Because I was like, are you sure, God, that you know what you're talking about?
But he said, if you have to fight me to get it, you'll never get to keep it. Right. And I was like.
Now, I haven't always remembered that. I haven't always remembered that,

(01:06:10):
but but it never left me, you know.
You know with that with that story man with the mountaintop, right?
He brings him up there what he was literally offering him was what was already
going to be christ to begin with Yeah, what was he going to skip?
The process see it was all going
to be christ anyway but the christ had to walk in
the will of the father before those things would take

(01:06:31):
place before these things would land that way he was offering
him all of those things by skipping the
process and very often we do that in our
own lives and that's very often we find ourselves
trying to skip the process and there's no there's
no skipping the process god yeah no it's not it's like
the other side like this whole thing with the podcast started two

(01:06:51):
two and a half years ago when i was in prison and you
know it's just been a process and and i bring
that up to bring something else up for everybody listening where we're where
we are at right now with damien it's like you know the lord has put this puzzle
together for the black sheep he did not us he put you know he put danny in my
life to provide the studio and and all this all this wonderful equipment.

(01:07:16):
He put Stacey in my life as a doctor, therapist, slash co-host. Brilliant.
It's not a doctor. It is if you say it in the form of a question. Doctor Stacey?
Guess what? Dr. Phil isn't a doctor. But you know what I'm saying.
Y'all don't know this now, but he's brought Damien into the Black Sheep family

(01:07:40):
as our editor and what do you call it?
The what else did you know what is
it you're doing for us we're not really sure he can
explain it better than i can and he he was
a like i literally was praying for about two weeks before he just called me
out of the blue i was praying for god to put somebody in my in my life to help

(01:08:04):
me with the editing process and to make these short clips for tiktok and for
youtube and because because I'm technologically stupid.
I don't understand it. Like, you know, I mean, this is like a big weakness for me, right?
Two weeks later, I'm about to speak at Church of the King, and Damien sends

(01:08:25):
me a message on Facebook interested in being a guest.
And at first, you know, I was just kind of scanning through it, and I had to do my thing.
But I finally got back to him after I really read the message,
and I looked at his profile, and I saw that he was at FOA.
I was like, okay, this guy's for real, because I've had to get to where I'm
screening, you know, who I add, you know, because spam and all that other stuff.
But so we got back in touch and like after one conversation,

(01:08:50):
it's like it was confirmed to me and revealed to me through him and the Holy
Spirit that, I mean, this dude is going to be a part of the Black Sheep family as your editor.
And I'm talking, it's been about, what, two and a half weeks now.
He's already done a couple of clips and, you know,
I mean, he is going to be a huge, very important role. And I'm just so proud

(01:09:12):
to have you in our family, dude. Amen.
Amen. But you can better explain what it is you do better than I can,
because I don't speak that language.
Uh-oh. Look at that.
Black Sheep family, baby. So, by the way, we have two events coming up.
I'll go ahead and plug them now. Next weekend, February 3rd,

(01:09:33):
we have Black Sheep Recovery Warfare Presents, presents dj win at the point
at the point five o'clock at 11 20 star road you know damien will be there if
you want to meet and talk to damien he'll talk to anybody dr legit she'll be
there we're gonna have to work we're gonna have to work doctor listen.

(01:09:54):
Before before i want i want to end on a note though um i don't i hope i didn't
cut you off on your announcements but there was well you did look i'm sorry
but damien i just want to know Because at the very beginning of what you were sharing,
you were sharing that you had all the things that the world could offer and
it didn't make you happy.
And so I want to know now where you're at right now.
What does it feel like to have the things that you have day in, day out?

(01:10:20):
Mood, peace. What does that look like for you? Well, I mean,
the guys at FOA drive me completely crazy. I don't know about you.
You weren't supposed to say that.
I'm only kidding. We'll edit that out.
Well, he'll edit that out. he will he
will edit it no i'm just joking around though seriously man um
for the first time in my life i actually had peace yeah for

(01:10:42):
the first time in my life i depend on the comforter to bring me comfort i was
always looking for comfort and i mean that that's the thing that you gotta really
kind of i guess come to terms with i mean if you believe what you believe is
really real right then why if you know that the comforter lives within you do
you look for comfort in a pill bottle,
white liver comfort in a booze bottle.

(01:11:02):
You see, the Lord will bring true comfort. I mean, I don't have a whole lot, man.
John, you've been over there, man. I've got a little room with a nice little office in it.
I've got a good little editing set up, lined up, but that's what I've got.
I mean, I'm extremely happy.
I wake up in the morning and I know that it's mine. Everything that I have is mine.

(01:11:23):
No one's going to take it away. The feds aren't going to come get it.
It all belongs to me and it's given to me by the Lord and by the Lord alone,
not by me, not by anything. I went out there and did.
It's been given to me just like all this has been laid out before me.
You know, these are blessings, man.
So everything that you were looking for and all the things the world had to
offer you, you found in a relationship with Jesus. Absolutely.

(01:11:47):
Every single time. Good job, Stacey.
Way to go. I'm glad you interrupted my announcements for that.
We'll talk about that off air. Yeah, we'll talk about that later.
Cut the announcements in time.
Yeah. I mean, I can make those later. I mean, we don't have to be done talking.
I'm really enjoying this. I think that's a beautiful note. Yeah,
that was great. I mean, that really drives it home. It really does.

(01:12:10):
Wow. I'll tell you one thing about FOA, man, is it's all family,
man. Everybody there, man, we're all family. We love each other.
Well, I can't just be so thankful myself for what the Lord has done in your
life, man, and brought you into the fold.
We're very grateful to have you. I'm glad to be here with you guys,
man, for real. Awesome. Except for Danny. Yeah.

(01:12:34):
I mean, they could just about. There's only one fat dog. Yeah,
I know. I was going to say, I mean, they could literally be brothers.
We're going to have a whole therapy session after this.
They could literally be brothers. This one's not big enough for the both of us.
That's great. I love it. All right, so real quick, February 3rd,
we have Black Sheep Recovery Presents, DJ Wynn at The Point,

(01:12:56):
and then the following week, on February 10th, we have Eddie Poole's Night of
Hope at Trinity Wesleyan Church over on Sidewell Road at 6 o'clock.
And I can't remember. I don't know. I can't remember who's speaking at the Night of Hope.
But if you can make both of those events, that would be amazing.
The chains will be broken. Yeah, you will leave change.

(01:13:17):
You will leave change from a night of hope. And this is Black Sheep Recovery's first sponsored event.
So we hope to see every one of y'all there. And I don't know,
I guess I have anything else. You got anything in your last thoughts, Mr. Donald?
Oh, man, just that I really appreciate the opportunity that you guys are giving me to come here, man.
Oh, this will not be your last visit. Kind of put it out there,

(01:13:38):
you know what I mean? And just kind of, you know, kind of tell the story,
man. You know what I mean?
It's amazing, man. I appreciate you guys. Any final thoughts?
I said my bit. I would just like to say again, I am not a doctor.
She's too legit to quit. That's what I am. Dr. J wasn't a doctor either.

(01:13:59):
Dr. Phil isn't a doctor. Dr.
Dre wasn't a doctor? Are you sure?
What? Let me fact check that real quick.
I feel like we should go off the air before we say something really stupid.
Oh, one more thing. One more thing. One more thing. If you're watching the YouTube
and you're watching the Facebook live, please go to the Black Sheep Recovery

(01:14:20):
Warfare podcast YouTube channel and throw us a subscribe and watch more content there.
We would really appreciate the support. And thank you. Thank you, guys.
Hit my music. We're out of there.
Music.

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