April 30, 2024 • 16 mins
Often, Kyla encounters patients referred by their GPs who see weight loss as their ultimate solution to attaining happiness or health. She emphasises that contrary to popular belief, these aspects are not necessarily linked to the number on the scale. Listen in as Kyla unravels the real elements of happiness, health, attractiveness and love. She paints a vivid picture of an ideal life, one that is not intrinsically tied to weight.
Explore as Kyla delves deeper into the motives behind weight loss desires, attempting to understand what individuals feel this alteration will bring them. She also shares practical tips on how to be healthier, happier and more attractive without always focusing on the number on the scale. Learn about steps such as better thinking, eating, resting and movement habits for a non-restrictive approach to wellness.
Kyla Holley is the Director of the Australian Centre for Eating Behaviour www.acfeb.com
Take our 6 week Change your Relationship with Food online course
https://acfeb.thrivecart.com/change-your-relationship-with-food/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(00:13):
Food. The podcast hosted by me, Kyla Holly.
With many years experience as an eating disorder and bariatric therapist,
I know exactly what it takes to help you break free from your diet history and.
Music.
Develop a more healthy relationship with food.
Please follow this podcast to make sure you don't miss a thing.
People are often referred to me by their GP for weight loss,
(00:37):
weightloss which puts me in a difficult position because that's not what I do.
I never promise weight loss as an outcome for someone coming to see me.
Instead I try and dive into why they think weight loss is the solution and I'll
explain that a little bit more.
So often people come along and they say yes I'm here for weight loss let's start
(01:00):
you're going to put me on a diet you're going to tell me to exercise, what do I need to do?
And instead I say to them, well, let's look first at what's going to happen when you lose weight.
What is that actually going to look like for you?
And of course, the answers at this point are always very, very variable.
So they might say something like, well, I'm going to be healthier or I'm going
(01:24):
to be happier or I'm going to be more comfortable in my body or people are going to respect me more.
I'll feel more attractive. I might find love.
There's a whole lot of different things that people believe will happen in conjunction with weight loss.
My next question is always, at what weight will those things kick in?
(01:47):
And quite often what comes back is a weight that they've either been before
and they remember being, or perhaps a weight that they've been told they should be.
Perhaps they've never actually got any memory of being this weight,
but they've told they should weigh a certain amount.
So let's say, for example, they say, well, this will all kick in when I weigh 65 kilos.
(02:09):
Then I'll say, well, what, it won't happen at 67 or 68 kilos.
It's literally on the dot at 65 kilos, happiness kicks in. Is this the way that things worked?
And of course it isn't. There's no magic way at which you will be happy.
Likewise, you know, there's lots of very lean people with great attractive bodies
(02:34):
or what you consider to be attractive bodies who actually aren't very happy at all.
And likewise, there are many people in bigger bodies than you that are perfectly
contented with their life.
So weight and happiness, weight and health, weight and being attractive,
weight and finding love, they're not linked with each other.
(02:56):
So I want you to imagine a magic world for a moment.
Imagine a world where everything is perfect for you.
Imagine you wake up in the morning and you feel energized.
You've had a great night's sleep. You feel relaxed, but you feel energized for the day.
You look at your body in the mirror and you really like what you see.
(03:19):
You think you look great, fantastic, and you feel happy and you feel healthy.
You go to your wardrobe and you select some of your clothes to wear for that
day and you notice that all the labels say that they're a size small and these
clothes fit you like a glove.
You slip into them, you look in the mirror and you think, yeah, I look great.
(03:41):
Then you go into your kitchen and you grab a really good nutritious breakfast
to set yourself up well for the day.
And then off you go to a job that you absolutely love.
And not only that, it's a job where you're appreciated by your colleagues.
And at the end of a long day, but a really enjoyable, rewarding day,
(04:01):
you return home to your partner.
And it's a partner that loves you deeply. You spend a wonderful evening together
engaged in stimulating conversation over a delicious dinner,
which perhaps you've prepared together.
And then you decide you're going to retire to bed where the two of you look
at each other and the mood is right and you have the most amazing,
(04:24):
passionate sex together.
And then you both drift off into a blissful, beautiful, continuous sleep until
you wake up the next morning.
And then the next morning, the whole thing happens again. Again,
you're looking great. You're feeling great. And you think, you know what?
I think I'll step on those scales and see how much mass my amazing body actually has.
(04:51):
What does it weigh I wonder and by
some freak of nature perhaps you're one
of those rare people that does actually have the famous
big bones that weigh a lot more than anybody else's so imagine you have these
big bones and let's say your bones for some freak of nature reason weigh about
40 kilos and you jump on the scales and use the scales tell you you weigh a
(05:15):
hundred kilos so So imagine that scenario.
Life's perfect for you, but the scales are triple figures.
Now, how are you going to feel about that? And does that actually matter to you?
So remember, life's perfect. Does the number on the scales actually matter at all?
(05:36):
And the fact is your life and the number on the scales are completely unconnected.
Your health and that number are completely unconnected. Your love life and that
number are completely unconnected.
So what we need to do when people come saying, I want to lose weight,
(05:58):
we need to establish the true intention behind that claim.
Why? Why do they want to lose weight? What do they feel that weight loss will bring?
And that's what we need to establish first of all.
So let's go back and have a look at some of these reasons we mentioned earlier.
Well, the first one was healthier. And this is probably the most common reason that people come to me.
(06:24):
They say, I want to be healthier.
And the fact is, there are lots of ways that you can start to be healthier right
away without paying any attention to your weight whatsoever.
The first one is make sure that you eat really nutritious food.
You could decide you were going to move your body more. You could decide you
(06:46):
were going to get better sleep.
You could go to your GP and get some bloods done and check that you're not deficient
in any minerals or vitamins.
You could go to the dentist, get a dental check, make sure your teeth are healthy
because the oral health can affect other areas of your health as well.
You could make sure that every day you wear sunscreen so you're protecting your skin from the harsh sun.
(07:12):
You could reduce your alcohol intake. These are all things you could do immediately
that will make sure that you are healthier, regardless of what that number says on the scales.
Another thing, I want to be happier. So again, there are a number of things
you can do right now to be happier that have nothing to do with your weight.
(07:34):
You could decide to connect with friends, call an old friends,
send an email, send a text message.
Just say hello to people that you're missing and tell them that you love them
and that you're missing them.
You could put down your device and actually talk to your friends or talk to
your partner, talk to your parents, talk to your children.
You could join a social club. You could decide that you were going to do some
(07:59):
sort of self-help things to build your confidence.
Or if you believe you've got some sort of mental health issue that it needs
sorting out. You could start to address that.
And all this would cause you to be happier immediately, straight away,
without losing anything on the scales. It's completely unconnected.
(08:19):
Another example I'm going to give you, let's say you want to be more attractive.
Well, again, you can start that right away without worrying about your weight whatsoever.
You could start by taking better care of your skin, introducing a skincare routine
that's going to make your skin actually glow and have less outbreaks if that's
(08:41):
something you suffer from and look really good and feel really fresh.
You could start to wear clothes that actually
complement the body that you have the body
that you are in today there's certain
colors that you could wear that will lift your complexion make you look a lot
better rather than covering everything in black clothes you know wear some color
(09:03):
put something on you which looks and feels good and makes you feel good you
could decide to to take yourself off to the hairdresser, try a new hairstyle,
make sure your hair is clean, make sure it's cut well.
You know, all these things would make you more attractive immediately.
(09:23):
Regardless of how much you weigh.
So hopefully you can see a bit of a theme going on here.
So some people say, this is all very well, but I have lost weight in the past
and I actually did feel a lot better then.
And what I always say to them is, well, that wasn't actually a consequence of the weight loss.
That was a consequence of the behaviour changes they actually made that happened
(09:49):
also to achieve some weight loss.
So in other words, the reason they felt better is that they were eating more nutritious food.
They were moving their body more. They were paying more attention to the things
they ate and the things that they drank.
And when they started to feel a little bit better because of those changes,
(10:09):
they started to make further changes to the way they looked.
They invested in a new haircut.
They bought themselves some new clothes. And suddenly they're feeling better.
They're looking better.
And it's this kind of roller coaster effect where you start to do more because
you actually do feel better.
So the whole approach that I use is based on making yourself feel as good as
(10:34):
you can possibly feel right now, right here, at the body that you are in at this very moment.
Not waiting until weight loss occurs and then going, you know, I'll do that then.
I'll bother then. I'll make an effort then. If we make the effort now,
it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. It starts to take care of itself.
(10:58):
Four simple steps to consider to start to achieve this today,
not in the future, but today.
The first one is better thinking. Now, the fact that you're listening to this
podcast, and I encourage you to go back and listen to all the other episodes,
is what I'm talking about.
It's developing a different attitude to this it's developing
(11:22):
the attitude where you don't blame yourself you don't
shame yourself you don't tell yourself off for these little indiscretions with
food and drink you actually support yourself you encourage yourself you become
your own number one cheerleader so thinking better about this whole process
is the number one step that you can take.
(11:44):
Number two step, better eating. Now, when I say that, I don't mean eat less.
I don't mean deprive yourself.
I mean, eat better. So make sure that the food you're eating is nutritious.
Make sure it's got everything you need in your diet.
Make sure you get lots of variety in your diet, all different types of food,
(12:08):
all different colors of food.
Because if the nutritional quality is better, your body will thank you for it
and your body will start to function better, having been given the right fuel to run itself on.
The next category is better resting.
Rest and sleep is super, super, super important for our bodies to actually recover.
(12:33):
So whether it's sleeping overnight or whether it's just taking good rest during
the day, so allowing yourself time to switch off.
Your brain doesn't have to be churning around with ideas and being hyperproductive all the time.
Allow yourself times in the day where you go, you know what.
(12:54):
I'm going to switch off for 15 minutes.
I'm going to read a couple of chapters of a book.
I'm going to take time to go out for a walk because it's a lovely sunny day.
I'm going to take time to relax in a hammock in the garden or in a pool if you've got one.
So it's taking that little bit of time out to actually rest your body. It's so, so important.
(13:19):
And the better eating, the better thinking will actually lead to better sleep as well.
And generally, the better we sleep, the better we function the following day.
So again, it has this knock on effect.
So the last category is better movement. And again, I don't mean join a gym
and go every day and lift weights and push things and pull things and do classes.
(13:43):
I just mean moving your body in a way that feels pleasurable to you.
It could just be including stretching in your everyday routine.
Just getting out of bed and make sure everything's stretched and invigorated
before you move on with the day. It could mean going out for a walk every day.
(14:04):
It could mean going for a swim. It could mean doing that more structured exercise.
But actually moving your body consciously and taking time to consider physically
what your body needs as far as its strength and its flexibility is really, really important.
So things like yoga and Pilates, if you don't fancy breaking out a sweat and
(14:27):
going to the gym, all those things are just as valid as going to the gym for an hour a day.
So I'll recap on those things.
Better thinking, better eating, better resting, and better movement.
All these things combined may or may not result in the number changing on your set of scales.
(14:50):
But I go right back to where we were at the beginning. Does that actually matter?
Thank you so much for your company today. I would also love it if you could
follow this podcast. It really does mean a lot to me.
Also, we have a six-week online change your relationship with food course that you can take.
Just visit www.acfeb.com and click on the ACFEB and me courses link.
(15:18):
There's also a journal and a workbook available on Amazon, and you'll find that link in our bio.
I really hope you can join me again next week. Goodbye.
Music.
Music.
(00:13):
Food. The podcast hosted by me, Kyla Holly.
With many years experience as an eating disorder and bariatric therapist,
I know exactly what it takes to help you break free from your diet history and.
Music.
Develop a more healthy relationship with food.
Please follow this podcast to make sure you don't miss a thing.
People are often referred to me by their GP for weight loss,
(00:37):
weightloss which puts me in a difficult position because that's not what I do.
I never promise weight loss as an outcome for someone coming to see me.
Instead I try and dive into why they think weight loss is the solution and I'll
explain that a little bit more.
So often people come along and they say yes I'm here for weight loss let's start
(01:00):
you're going to put me on a diet you're going to tell me to exercise, what do I need to do?
And instead I say to them, well, let's look first at what's going to happen when you lose weight.
What is that actually going to look like for you?
And of course, the answers at this point are always very, very variable.
So they might say something like, well, I'm going to be healthier or I'm going
(01:24):
to be happier or I'm going to be more comfortable in my body or people are going to respect me more.
I'll feel more attractive. I might find love.
There's a whole lot of different things that people believe will happen in conjunction with weight loss.
My next question is always, at what weight will those things kick in?
(01:47):
And quite often what comes back is a weight that they've either been before
and they remember being, or perhaps a weight that they've been told they should be.
Perhaps they've never actually got any memory of being this weight,
but they've told they should weigh a certain amount.
So let's say, for example, they say, well, this will all kick in when I weigh 65 kilos.
(02:09):
Then I'll say, well, what, it won't happen at 67 or 68 kilos.
It's literally on the dot at 65 kilos, happiness kicks in. Is this the way that things worked?
And of course it isn't. There's no magic way at which you will be happy.
Likewise, you know, there's lots of very lean people with great attractive bodies
(02:34):
or what you consider to be attractive bodies who actually aren't very happy at all.
And likewise, there are many people in bigger bodies than you that are perfectly
contented with their life.
So weight and happiness, weight and health, weight and being attractive,
weight and finding love, they're not linked with each other.
(02:56):
So I want you to imagine a magic world for a moment.
Imagine a world where everything is perfect for you.
Imagine you wake up in the morning and you feel energized.
You've had a great night's sleep. You feel relaxed, but you feel energized for the day.
You look at your body in the mirror and you really like what you see.
(03:19):
You think you look great, fantastic, and you feel happy and you feel healthy.
You go to your wardrobe and you select some of your clothes to wear for that
day and you notice that all the labels say that they're a size small and these
clothes fit you like a glove.
You slip into them, you look in the mirror and you think, yeah, I look great.
(03:41):
Then you go into your kitchen and you grab a really good nutritious breakfast
to set yourself up well for the day.
And then off you go to a job that you absolutely love.
And not only that, it's a job where you're appreciated by your colleagues.
And at the end of a long day, but a really enjoyable, rewarding day,
(04:01):
you return home to your partner.
And it's a partner that loves you deeply. You spend a wonderful evening together
engaged in stimulating conversation over a delicious dinner,
which perhaps you've prepared together.
And then you decide you're going to retire to bed where the two of you look
at each other and the mood is right and you have the most amazing,
(04:24):
passionate sex together.
And then you both drift off into a blissful, beautiful, continuous sleep until
you wake up the next morning.
And then the next morning, the whole thing happens again. Again,
you're looking great. You're feeling great. And you think, you know what?
I think I'll step on those scales and see how much mass my amazing body actually has.
(04:51):
What does it weigh I wonder and by
some freak of nature perhaps you're one
of those rare people that does actually have the famous
big bones that weigh a lot more than anybody else's so imagine you have these
big bones and let's say your bones for some freak of nature reason weigh about
40 kilos and you jump on the scales and use the scales tell you you weigh a
(05:15):
hundred kilos so So imagine that scenario.
Life's perfect for you, but the scales are triple figures.
Now, how are you going to feel about that? And does that actually matter to you?
So remember, life's perfect. Does the number on the scales actually matter at all?
(05:36):
And the fact is your life and the number on the scales are completely unconnected.
Your health and that number are completely unconnected. Your love life and that
number are completely unconnected.
So what we need to do when people come saying, I want to lose weight,
(05:58):
we need to establish the true intention behind that claim.
Why? Why do they want to lose weight? What do they feel that weight loss will bring?
And that's what we need to establish first of all.
So let's go back and have a look at some of these reasons we mentioned earlier.
Well, the first one was healthier. And this is probably the most common reason that people come to me.
(06:24):
They say, I want to be healthier.
And the fact is, there are lots of ways that you can start to be healthier right
away without paying any attention to your weight whatsoever.
The first one is make sure that you eat really nutritious food.
You could decide you were going to move your body more. You could decide you
(06:46):
were going to get better sleep.
You could go to your GP and get some bloods done and check that you're not deficient
in any minerals or vitamins.
You could go to the dentist, get a dental check, make sure your teeth are healthy
because the oral health can affect other areas of your health as well.
You could make sure that every day you wear sunscreen so you're protecting your skin from the harsh sun.
(07:12):
You could reduce your alcohol intake. These are all things you could do immediately
that will make sure that you are healthier, regardless of what that number says on the scales.
Another thing, I want to be happier. So again, there are a number of things
you can do right now to be happier that have nothing to do with your weight.
(07:34):
You could decide to connect with friends, call an old friends,
send an email, send a text message.
Just say hello to people that you're missing and tell them that you love them
and that you're missing them.
You could put down your device and actually talk to your friends or talk to
your partner, talk to your parents, talk to your children.
You could join a social club. You could decide that you were going to do some
(07:59):
sort of self-help things to build your confidence.
Or if you believe you've got some sort of mental health issue that it needs
sorting out. You could start to address that.
And all this would cause you to be happier immediately, straight away,
without losing anything on the scales. It's completely unconnected.
(08:19):
Another example I'm going to give you, let's say you want to be more attractive.
Well, again, you can start that right away without worrying about your weight whatsoever.
You could start by taking better care of your skin, introducing a skincare routine
that's going to make your skin actually glow and have less outbreaks if that's
(08:41):
something you suffer from and look really good and feel really fresh.
You could start to wear clothes that actually
complement the body that you have the body
that you are in today there's certain
colors that you could wear that will lift your complexion make you look a lot
better rather than covering everything in black clothes you know wear some color
(09:03):
put something on you which looks and feels good and makes you feel good you
could decide to to take yourself off to the hairdresser, try a new hairstyle,
make sure your hair is clean, make sure it's cut well.
You know, all these things would make you more attractive immediately.
(09:23):
Regardless of how much you weigh.
So hopefully you can see a bit of a theme going on here.
So some people say, this is all very well, but I have lost weight in the past
and I actually did feel a lot better then.
And what I always say to them is, well, that wasn't actually a consequence of the weight loss.
That was a consequence of the behaviour changes they actually made that happened
(09:49):
also to achieve some weight loss.
So in other words, the reason they felt better is that they were eating more nutritious food.
They were moving their body more. They were paying more attention to the things
they ate and the things that they drank.
And when they started to feel a little bit better because of those changes,
(10:09):
they started to make further changes to the way they looked.
They invested in a new haircut.
They bought themselves some new clothes. And suddenly they're feeling better.
They're looking better.
And it's this kind of roller coaster effect where you start to do more because
you actually do feel better.
So the whole approach that I use is based on making yourself feel as good as
(10:34):
you can possibly feel right now, right here, at the body that you are in at this very moment.
Not waiting until weight loss occurs and then going, you know, I'll do that then.
I'll bother then. I'll make an effort then. If we make the effort now,
it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. It starts to take care of itself.
(10:58):
Four simple steps to consider to start to achieve this today,
not in the future, but today.
The first one is better thinking. Now, the fact that you're listening to this
podcast, and I encourage you to go back and listen to all the other episodes,
is what I'm talking about.
It's developing a different attitude to this it's developing
(11:22):
the attitude where you don't blame yourself you don't
shame yourself you don't tell yourself off for these little indiscretions with
food and drink you actually support yourself you encourage yourself you become
your own number one cheerleader so thinking better about this whole process
is the number one step that you can take.
(11:44):
Number two step, better eating. Now, when I say that, I don't mean eat less.
I don't mean deprive yourself.
I mean, eat better. So make sure that the food you're eating is nutritious.
Make sure it's got everything you need in your diet.
Make sure you get lots of variety in your diet, all different types of food,
(12:08):
all different colors of food.
Because if the nutritional quality is better, your body will thank you for it
and your body will start to function better, having been given the right fuel to run itself on.
The next category is better resting.
Rest and sleep is super, super, super important for our bodies to actually recover.
(12:33):
So whether it's sleeping overnight or whether it's just taking good rest during
the day, so allowing yourself time to switch off.
Your brain doesn't have to be churning around with ideas and being hyperproductive all the time.
Allow yourself times in the day where you go, you know what.
(12:54):
I'm going to switch off for 15 minutes.
I'm going to read a couple of chapters of a book.
I'm going to take time to go out for a walk because it's a lovely sunny day.
I'm going to take time to relax in a hammock in the garden or in a pool if you've got one.
So it's taking that little bit of time out to actually rest your body. It's so, so important.
(13:19):
And the better eating, the better thinking will actually lead to better sleep as well.
And generally, the better we sleep, the better we function the following day.
So again, it has this knock on effect.
So the last category is better movement. And again, I don't mean join a gym
and go every day and lift weights and push things and pull things and do classes.
(13:43):
I just mean moving your body in a way that feels pleasurable to you.
It could just be including stretching in your everyday routine.
Just getting out of bed and make sure everything's stretched and invigorated
before you move on with the day. It could mean going out for a walk every day.
(14:04):
It could mean going for a swim. It could mean doing that more structured exercise.
But actually moving your body consciously and taking time to consider physically
what your body needs as far as its strength and its flexibility is really, really important.
So things like yoga and Pilates, if you don't fancy breaking out a sweat and
(14:27):
going to the gym, all those things are just as valid as going to the gym for an hour a day.
So I'll recap on those things.
Better thinking, better eating, better resting, and better movement.
All these things combined may or may not result in the number changing on your set of scales.
(14:50):
But I go right back to where we were at the beginning. Does that actually matter?
Thank you so much for your company today. I would also love it if you could
follow this podcast. It really does mean a lot to me.
Also, we have a six-week online change your relationship with food course that you can take.
Just visit www.acfeb.com and click on the ACFEB and me courses link.
(15:18):
There's also a journal and a workbook available on Amazon, and you'll find that link in our bio.
I really hope you can join me again next week. Goodbye.
Music.
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