March 13, 2024 • 30 mins
In this heartfelt episode of Embracing Vulnerability, our host takes listeners on a courageous journey of personal healing and transformation. Through vivid storytelling, she unveils her emotional struggles and shares her path towards self-improvement. Discover the importance of slow-healing, the role of daily routines and hobbies in maintaining emotional stability, and the pitfalls of seeking instant healing.
The episode further delves into the significance of mental health management, affirming the value of daily progress over perfection. Our host extends her own experiences to help others, illustrating the ways by which she provided emotional support and aided others in regaining their emotional stability. She emphasizes the significance of every individual's healing journey, urging listeners to be patient and compassionate in their own healing process.
This episode of Embracing Vulnerability also explores various therapeutic outlets such as journaling, coloring, and video gaming to induce relaxation and maintain tranquility. The host discusses the role of sleep for overall health and shares practical tips for self-care, like the use of sleep monitoring tools and YouTube's progressive muscle relaxation techniques.
Dive into an intriguing narrative of the host's newfound hobby in Aerogardening, a testament to the importance of nurturing all aspects of life. Learn about her aspiration to foster deeper connections with nature as a vehicle to harness her feminine energy. Whether you're searching for new ways to channel your energy, cope with stress, or seeking inspiration, this episode serves as a comforting companion in your pursuit of mindfulness and tranquility.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Buenos dias, bienvenidos a Embracing Vulnerability.
Today is Wednesday, March 13, 2024.
Another Wise Woman Wednesday. Let's start it off by reading 101 Promises from God to Women.
If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. Let me repeat that.
(00:21):
If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. Whoever dwells in the
shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Psalms 91.1 Your excuses just gave someone else a chance.
I was inspired by my brother and a friend to start a podcast a couple of years ago.
(00:46):
Sadly, they had that podcast and it ended abruptly.
Abruptly i was a faithful listener because
i truly believed in them my brother alexander and
my friend maika are some of the smartest men i know
shout out to them i was
scared filled myself with doubt and did not pick up the project i am not the
(01:09):
same woman i was in 2019 my mindset has grown so much my journals i are proof
of that there's things that i've written three years ago go five years ago,
10 years ago, that I tell myself,
wow, I can't believe I was going through that.
I can't believe I lived through that. I can't believe how strong I came out after that.
(01:32):
I can't believe everything I've learned because of what I went through.
I have written all of my dreams down and I've been checking them off one by
one as I accomplish them.
Please remember, Remember, practice makes you better, not perfect.
That is what I look forward to now.
Progress. I will be listening to progress makes you perfect.
(01:54):
Progress makes you perfect.
For every announcement on TV, every cartoon, every athlete commercial,
it was always practice makes you perfect.
So some humans, we're truly out here trying to be perfect.
And that is not a good thing because the reality is none of us are perfect and
we will never be perfect.
We all have flaws all of us every
(02:16):
single one of us me you everyone i no
longer drown in self-pity now
i'm not saying i'm the most healed person in the
planet i'm i i'm not saying i bounce back like rubber and i heal in five minutes
because i saw a tiktok of someone making fun of people who heal quickly but
(02:36):
it was a skit right it was comedy skit i didn't get offended by it I know that
the content creator was just trying to be funny,
explaining how some people are out there every day saying mantras and every
day saying, I've fallen, but I've gotten back up and I've gotten back up stronger.
It was a funny skit. That's the way that I took it.
(02:58):
She was continuing to say people who heal right away when they go through stuff,
they swear that they heal in 10 minutes when some people take years and years
and years to recover from one thing.
I understand that it was a joke. I didn't get offended.
I would be lying to you if I'd sit here and tell you that something that happened
(03:20):
to me a week ago or a year ago is not affecting me. Certain things are still
affecting me when I remember them or when certain behaviors trigger me.
Things that happened to me when I was seven years old, when I was touched by
a family member, still affect me to this day in my relationship with men.
There are certain days or certain hours that I'm really angry at men and I'm
(03:44):
really angry that they exist.
And I'm really disappointed by their behavior. And all of that stems from me
being touched by a man as a child. And I have to work through that every time
I get triggered to past experiences. I have to remind myself.
This person that I'm dealing with is not that guy. My husband is not that guy.
(04:05):
My brother is not that guy. My friends are not that guy.
I have to remind myself, people don't heal quickly.
We don't heal in a snap of a finger. That's not how it happens.
I'm not Amazon to be delivering next day my healing. That's not how it works.
I am working, managing my mental health by journaling every day,
(04:26):
by reading every day, by coloring every day, by watching anime,
by playing video games, by going outside to go grocery shopping.
I learned how to drive just so that I could take myself driving to a park to
sit down in a park with my journal or my book near a river to read and meditate
and do what I need to do to get through my emotions.
(04:49):
Not rush them and not bottle them down. I had to learn that.
I was not this person that I am today in 2020.
I was not the same person in 2022 even because again, like I said,
I started managing my mental health February of 2023.
I just made a year last month managing my mental health.
(05:10):
I just made a year committing to myself that I was going to work on my mental
health by completing my outlets every day. You think I don't have days that
I don't want to wake up and journal?
You think that I don't have days that I don't want to wake up and script an episode for my podcast?
I have those days where it's Monday, I haven't recorded.
(05:32):
It's Tuesday, I haven't recorded. It's Wednesday morning and I'm dragging my feet to record.
I have to do this because I made a commitment to myself that I was going to
improve day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, week by week, month by month.
I made a commitment to myself. I'm not doing this for others to see,
oh, she's the most healed person. That is not why I'm doing this.
(05:54):
I'm doing this because it's helping someone else. But at the same time, it helps me.
It helps me pour into myself because I don't have a lot of people that pour
into me. I'm constantly pouring into other people.
I understand that I'm a leader and I understand that the way that I see the
world and the way that I am an empathetic listener, a lot of people are drawn to that.
(06:17):
A lot of people are drawn to my energy, so they tell me their problems and they
look for me for advice or they look for me for shoulders to cry on, right?
I had to write down on my calendar recently. constantly
the list of people that I have to check on the list
of people that I need to pour on is increasing day by
day so I had to write certain people in my
(06:37):
calendar so that I wouldn't forget certain people to check on okay I have from
my dad's previous relationship his previous stepdaughter my previous stepsister
I have her on my list of people that I pour into she doesn't tell me her problems. We're not there yet.
We're not because I don't force anyone to tell me their problem.
(07:00):
But I always message her to let her know that I'm here, that I'm proud of her, that I love her.
Even though we haven't seen each other in years, even though the distance is
great between us, I live far away from her.
I always let her know I'm here. I know that you exist.
You are are smart, you are kind, you are important. I give her words of affirmation all the time.
(07:23):
And I've never thought that I've been hitting her up on days that she was having a hard day.
She would tell me, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this.
Those are the responses that I have gotten from her.
So when people tell me something like that, it makes me know that what I do
matters and that people are listening and that the seeds that I'm spreading.
(07:48):
And when words of kindness. The seeds that I'm spreading to people,
the words of kindness that I'm sharing, they're growing.
They're being watered. They're not being thrown into dry soil.
They're being thrown into fertile soil and they will grow.
I message her all the time, not on a day-to-day basis because I don't believe
(08:09):
in feeling entitled to people's time, but I message her once a week To say, hey, I'm here.
Hope you're doing well. Just one sentence.
On her birthday, though, I messaged her a paragraph because I want to let her
know that I love her and I care for her and that it's a very special day and
that I'm glad she's alive. All those things.
(08:30):
Because I understand many people struggle with depression and anxiety and many
other mental health diagnoses.
My cousin's wife, one of my cousin's wife, my cousin that lives in Boston,
let me specify because I've mentioned other cousins before. I have a cousin who lives in Boston.
His wife vents to me sometimes about just day-to-day mother struggles or day-to-day wife struggles.
(08:53):
She's another person I have to write down on my calendar because my spirit,
my soul, my energy was telling me something's going on with her because she's
messaging me at random hours.
And she's not like that. She would message me, hey, how you doing?
Like at three in the morning.
Or hey, how are you at nine in the morning? Hey, how are you three in the afternoon?
(09:13):
Just different random time. And when I would respond, she wouldn't say anything.
So immediately a bulb clicked, a bulb turned on on my brain and said,
you have to message her on WhatsApp privately and say, hey, I feel like something is going on.
If you don't want to talk about it, I understand, but I just want to let you
(09:35):
know that I see you and whenever you're ready, I am available whenever you want.
So one day she decided to be vulnerable and she messaged me and the floodgates opened.
She told me so many things that broke my heart.
So she is another person that I have in my calendar now that is new,
(09:55):
that is added to the people that I have to pour into.
To you know there are many people who depend on
the way that I listen that's what they depend on and I want to be there for
them so in order for me to be there for them I have to be there for myself first
so in order for me to be there for myself I have to continue my fast right I'm
(10:17):
on on day 43 of my 16-8 fast, right?
It is 9.38 in the morning. At 12, I have to eat.
I was not the type of person that was feeding myself regularly.
I wasn't taking care of my physical health for years and years and years and years.
I didn't enjoy eating breakfast. I'm not a breakfast person.
(10:40):
So I decided to look for things that were going to help me manage the way that I eat, right? Right.
So at noon, I'm going to make an oatmeal, strawberry and cream oatmeal.
That's my favorite flavor.
I'm going to eat strawberry and cream oatmeal at noon. And then at four o'clock,
I'm going to eat another meal.
(11:01):
It might be ham and tortillas and cheese.
Not sure yet. Not sure, because I've been trying to eat different stuff for
different days. I don't meal prep because if I eat the same thing every day, it bores me.
It starts to taste boring and bland and the flavor just...
(11:24):
It doesn't taste good. I don't know how to describe it. I need to eat different
things on different days.
I'm going to make chicken stew, rice, and beans, or maybe lentils today for the family.
Not sure if that's what I'm going to eat for me at four o'clock, but we'll see.
And then between six and eight, I have to decide what I'm going to eat for dinner.
(11:47):
I'm going to be real with you. it might be another oatmeal
because i usually like to eat toasted bread
with butter but they didn't have the kaiser
roll bread that i like from walmart they
didn't have them when i went to when i went grocery shopping
on wednesday they didn't have them so i'm gonna see if
today or tomorrow i will get them because i like
(12:09):
to eat toasted bread with butter with oatmeal it
was just my thing to go to when I was pregnant
with my son that's where I really I've eaten oatmeal my whole life but I got
hooked to oatmeal for real for real for real when I got pregnant with my son
when I got pregnant with my son I was going to college to get my associates
for medical assistant and there was a bakery under the sixth train that I used
(12:33):
to take to go to Manhattan.
To go to school so right before I would get on the train I would make sure I
left my house two two hours before class started so that I can go to the bakery,
get my little cup of oatmeal with the toasted bread with butter.
And then I would wait for the train peacefully.
The train ride was a wreck and it was terrible because I was always nauseous.
(12:55):
I was car sick my whole entire pregnancy.
So going to school was very difficult. It was not an easy journey for me.
But when I got pregnant with my son, I had to push through because I was finishing school.
I was not at the beginning of my my journey. I was finishing school,
so I couldn't just give up. I couldn't just.
(13:15):
I'm not a quitter, guys. It's really difficult and challenging for me to quit things that I start.
So, for example, I'm not talking about games.
If it's a game, because it's a console, it's not real life.
If it's a game, if I get upset, I will quit in a heartbeat. That's different. That's a game.
(13:36):
But real life goals, when I tell myself that I'm going to do something, I do it.
I do it. I don't quit halfway. That's different. Those are goals.
Now like i said
i am unable to say i
am healing at the speed of light but i'm healing faster than
i was back in 2022 why is that
(13:56):
you may ask well i am completing my outlets like
i said you need to have a hobby everyone needs to have a hobby you don't need
to have multiple hobbies but you need to have at least one hobby right my list
of hobbies have i would say about 10 or 11 11 things that are on my hobbies
right now I keep adding things to it here and there.
(14:20):
Not everyone has many hobbies
or outlets that's how I like to call them outlets so I journal
on on an app on my
phone or on paper I read 10 pages of a
book I color on an app or on a coloring book
I crochet I play video games I listen to podcasts
I listen to asmr on i am getting six
(14:41):
plus hours of sleep and i know that i'm getting six plus hours of sleep
because i turned on the sleep i
don't know what it's called on the um jesus help me i have a iphone right there
is a mode on the clock or something like that that lets you what is it jesus
(15:03):
why can't the words come into my brain.
It collects how many hours you sleep or something like that.
I'm getting six plus hours of sleep because my clock is telling me that I'm
getting six plus hours of sleep.
I am listening to progressive muscle realizations on YouTube when I feel like
my body is very, very, very tense and I can't sleep and I'm like my mind is speeding.
(15:24):
I put on those progressive muscle realizations on YouTube and I close my eyes. I lay down.
I make make sure my kids are sleeping and my husband is
sleeping the house is dark the the temperature in the room is warm I am a preacher
of habit and I prefer to be room temperature I don't like being cold or being
(15:47):
hot so the room temperature is great I'm laying down my eyes are closed I'm relaxed.
My legs, my limbs, everything is, you know, everything is in a relaxed state.
And I listen to what they tell me to do, and I do it.
And lots of times, my body just cracks.
Like, my shoulder blades, my knee, just a bunch of places are cracking.
(16:12):
Probably my age. It probably has nothing to do with progressive muscle relationship, but whatever.
I am attempting to do somatic tracking.
I have to look into that. How do I go about incorporating that into my outlets?
And, you know, the list goes on and on. That's what I'm doing for myself.
I'm not doing those 11 outlets in one day. I'm picking a few and I'm completing them.
(16:38):
The ones that are in my routine and I do it with my eyes closed is the journaling,
the reading and the coloring.
I'm doing those automatic, on automatic.
I'm doing those every day. sometimes I'll sprinkle video games sometimes I'll
sprinkle reading manga sometimes I'll sprinkle.
Any other thing for example ASMR I
(17:01):
used to listen to ASMR every night for years and years and years and years and
years but now that my eating habits have improved my sleeping habits have improved
I'm falling asleep quicker now I'm falling asleep with more ease now my my mind
is quieter at night now. Many things are falling into place.
Many things are flowing in a normal state now.
(17:23):
Update on my health. Let me see. I might skip.
Yes i wasn't i wasn't skipping step because i have the
script right here so i'm making sure that i'm not missing
any points my life update i have my
primary care physician appointment this friday
march 15th they're gonna
redo the labs to make sure that my iron levels are normal
(17:46):
or managed since they gave me since
they prescribed me iron 30 days ago 30 days
ago once when they removed the next one
on my left arm and seven days
ago i stopped bleeding and about three
days ago i stopped experiencing labor pains three days labor pain free right
(18:09):
i'm super stoked super relaxed super happy that it's been seven days since the
last time i bled i'm happy and i hope hope it stays that way.
Right now I'm ovulating. TMI.
TMI. I'm ovulating, so I'm making sure that I stay away from my partner because
I do not want to have more children.
(18:30):
Now, I started an aero garden.
I'm doing, I'm growing mini cherry tomatoes. Walk with me. Disclaimer.
Y'all are my friends, right? And because y'all are my friends,
y'all signed a contract stating that you
will listen to my random updates at all times right so
(18:50):
the arrow garden i'm growing many cherry
tomatoes i named them with t-names
walk with me okay call me psycho call me what you want i won't get offended
i named my plants and my oldest seed his name is tommy my middle child his name
(19:11):
is tangiro and my third child, her name is Tabitha.
Let me tell you a background story about the Triple T's.
So right their seeds they're growing they have 15 hours of light and the light
turns off when they no longer need light they have their plant food and they have their water,
(19:38):
if you're interested in this you can go to aerogarden.com it's
spelled a-e-r-o-g-a-r-d-e-n.com not a sponsor now i named my oldest seed tommy
because my husband before we knew,
(20:01):
what to name our children he said he would name
his son if it was a boy tommy or oliver so
we already have my son his name.
Is oliver and i said
let me name my plant my oldest seed seed
Tommy Tanjiro my middle child
we named I named him after a character from
(20:22):
Demon Slayer it's an anime if you haven't
watched Demon Slayer what are you doing with your life go and
watch that anime it will change your life I promise my daughter.
Named the baby which is my third seed
she named her Tabata I told her
can you please think of a name with the
letter T she first thought of um Tammy.
(20:43):
She said Tammy because her brother name
is Tommy and I said no it's not original it's
it feels a little bit lazy to me personally my
opinion I'm not saying people who name their children
with names that sound like are lazy but to
me I would never I could
never name my son Carlos and my
(21:05):
daughter Carla I'm not doing it I'm not
doing it I don't care what nobody says not doing it it doesn't
sound good to me so my daughter switched
to Tabitha so sometimes when
I'm talking to them I'll be like oh hey you know for Tommy
I'll be like Tom Tom or I'll be like Tom I'm doing this blah
blah or for Tanjiro I'll be like oh hey Tan
(21:26):
Tan I'm doing this and that and for Tabitha sometimes
I'll be like hey Tabs or Tabby Tabs
or whatever I don't know how I got those nicknames it just
flowed through me and I said them I know
that plants listen because.
When I tell you that I was telling them something and
I started crying I was like all
(21:48):
right guys what are y'all doing to me y'all are
such good listeners like what I started
tearing I was telling my seeds something my
offsprings I'm a mother now green thumb green thumb Nita over here I started
crying and it felt really great it felt really healing and it felt really good
(22:11):
to get that out you know that's what I've been doing that's what I've been doing recently.
That's my story about my mini cherry tomatoes, my new babies called Tommy, Tangelo, and Tabitha.
Now, this week, I would like to recommend for you guys to touch grass.
(22:32):
Spring is eight days away.
March 19th is the first day of spring. The only reason I know when this season
starts is because that's my grandma's birthday.
One of my favorite people on this entire planet, she's turning 73 on March 19th.
She's still in the Dominican Republic on vacation she left in December she's
(22:55):
coming back in May I miss her so much I can't wait to see her she did offer
to return faster if I needed to get surgery.
For my reproductive system but I told her no there was
no need for her to do that I needed her to stay over there and vacation
and relax because she has taken care of me for a
very long time and it's her time now to be
(23:15):
there for herself and self-care and do
the things that she wants to do you know so go
touch grass go outside go find the
first flowers that are sprouting i saw the
most beautiful blue bird the other day i.
Was staring at the window waiting for my daughter's bus
and i saw her
(23:38):
get on the bus and i'm i'm hearing
these bird sounds that i've never
heard before they sound different and they sound
i don't know how how to say like a rhyme like
a song almost don't ask
me what that bird is called because i don't know bird names but it
had the most beautiful baby blue feathers
(24:00):
i had ever seen and then another one appeared and
another one it was a family of those beautiful
blue looking birds and then i keep watching and
there's this other bird he it was one bird he
had red feathers and he was also also
tweeting his life away and i was like where have
(24:21):
have i never noticed that there were beautiful
birds around here i mean i've always seen the crows and the just basic looking
birds that everyone's ever seen but i never seen those different color birds
ever this is how you know that i'm really i'm truly stopping to smell the flowers
and i'm truly stopping to live in the the moment, I'm truly,
(24:43):
truly being mindful.
And I'm not thinking about the past and I'm not worrying about the future.
In that moment, I said, wow.
How long have these birds been around? So now that I know that these birds have
nests in front of my house, now I'm going to be looking forward to seeing them,
to see when they leave in the wintertime, when they come back around spring.
(25:09):
When I go to the park with my son, I look and there's a bird nest in one of
the trees and another bird nest in the tree right next to it.
So I don't know. I feel like that's
another long-term goal I feel like I'm
gonna turn I truly want to
(25:29):
have a farm one day because I used to have chickens when
I was little and I loved my chicken I want to go back to having chickens one
day and this cherry tomato project is my way to start going back to to nature
I want to see how that goes because a long-term goal of mine is to have chickens again.
(25:52):
Preferably one male and
one female or maybe a few
females but for sure for sure just one male I can't
I don't want to have too much male energy around me
and not because I'm saying I hate men or I
hate the male species it's just I'm I'm
thriving in my femininity and I would like to continue i've
(26:14):
lived in masculinity for way too long i've lived
with my guard up for way too long i've lived
in my anger for way too long so i'm dipping into what it
is to be feminine i'm dipping into what it is to
be soft and i'm learning to be soft and i'm learning
to be um gentle i'm learning to be
feminine so one of my long-term projects is
(26:35):
perhaps one day having having a
large space where i can raise
chickens and have a garden whatever
it is that is going to be in the garden i'm not sure i'm not sure
what's going to be but i guess i'll get the idea when
the time comes so that's my recommendation you
(26:55):
know touch grass go outside sit on the grass if you have grass already where
you live i don't know where you're located but But I want to say my bestie inspired
me to start getting in the soil because she had plants.
She had plants before. I do not recall what the plants were called,
(27:19):
but she had a lot of plants.
And she, all of them looked different.
Their leaves were different.
She has succulents. I believe that's what they're called. She has succulents.
And they were all very different some of them were low maintenance plants and
some of them were high maintenance and I remember the plants because she had
(27:44):
a lot and then number two I went
to mag fest it's a convention in Maryland and they had the most cutest.
Plant pot of the cat from sailor moon he's black and it was super cute and i
gave her that to use for one of her plants and she has a green she has a green
(28:07):
thumb you know her energy is great,
she's great to be around she's my safety she's my
safe place i really love her so much and many of the things that she does inspire
me for example i would like to possibly start gaming on a pc see soon not sure
when that soon will be bear with me bear with me you know my audio is flawed.
(28:32):
Thank you for your patience if you
hear any thumps or i think
it's yeah i just moved the wire and it sounded really loudly i'm working on
the music i like to have music on the background so the microphone is really
close to the speaker so i have to put it on one it's so many things that i'm
learning i'm just you know tweaking here and there the things to improve the audio i ordered,
(28:59):
a new microphone supposedly it sounds good let's see according to the reviews
it's a good mic but it's not here yet so we will see um i hope you guys are
out there and you have people that you get inspired by and if you're not if
you don't have anyone i will sit here and be your inspiration.
That sounds so egomaniac that sounds so
(29:20):
shallow but i say
with good intentions i'm trying to be sincere and
vulnerable and say that if you don't have anyone who
inspires you let me be that source
of inspiration i hope that you're having
a wonderful wednesday i hope you have the day that you deserve and
i hope you're taking care of yourself if how vulnerable i have
(29:42):
been on this episode has helped
you in any way please download the episode and follow
me for more i put out new episodes every wednesday
i am growing through every experience hope you are too i got the outro this
week i did a great job i got the outro this week because last week i was messy
(30:03):
i was my emotions got the best of me and that's okay that's okay i don't need a perfect outro.
Music.
Buenos dias, bienvenidos a Embracing Vulnerability.
Today is Wednesday, March 13, 2024.
Another Wise Woman Wednesday. Let's start it off by reading 101 Promises from God to Women.
If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. Let me repeat that.
(00:21):
If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. Whoever dwells in the
shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Psalms 91.1 Your excuses just gave someone else a chance.
I was inspired by my brother and a friend to start a podcast a couple of years ago.
(00:46):
Sadly, they had that podcast and it ended abruptly.
Abruptly i was a faithful listener because
i truly believed in them my brother alexander and
my friend maika are some of the smartest men i know
shout out to them i was
scared filled myself with doubt and did not pick up the project i am not the
(01:09):
same woman i was in 2019 my mindset has grown so much my journals i are proof
of that there's things that i've written three years ago go five years ago,
10 years ago, that I tell myself,
wow, I can't believe I was going through that.
I can't believe I lived through that. I can't believe how strong I came out after that.
(01:32):
I can't believe everything I've learned because of what I went through.
I have written all of my dreams down and I've been checking them off one by
one as I accomplish them.
Please remember, Remember, practice makes you better, not perfect.
That is what I look forward to now.
Progress. I will be listening to progress makes you perfect.
(01:54):
Progress makes you perfect.
For every announcement on TV, every cartoon, every athlete commercial,
it was always practice makes you perfect.
So some humans, we're truly out here trying to be perfect.
And that is not a good thing because the reality is none of us are perfect and
we will never be perfect.
We all have flaws all of us every
(02:16):
single one of us me you everyone i no
longer drown in self-pity now
i'm not saying i'm the most healed person in the
planet i'm i i'm not saying i bounce back like rubber and i heal in five minutes
because i saw a tiktok of someone making fun of people who heal quickly but
(02:36):
it was a skit right it was comedy skit i didn't get offended by it I know that
the content creator was just trying to be funny,
explaining how some people are out there every day saying mantras and every
day saying, I've fallen, but I've gotten back up and I've gotten back up stronger.
It was a funny skit. That's the way that I took it.
(02:58):
She was continuing to say people who heal right away when they go through stuff,
they swear that they heal in 10 minutes when some people take years and years
and years to recover from one thing.
I understand that it was a joke. I didn't get offended.
I would be lying to you if I'd sit here and tell you that something that happened
(03:20):
to me a week ago or a year ago is not affecting me. Certain things are still
affecting me when I remember them or when certain behaviors trigger me.
Things that happened to me when I was seven years old, when I was touched by
a family member, still affect me to this day in my relationship with men.
There are certain days or certain hours that I'm really angry at men and I'm
(03:44):
really angry that they exist.
And I'm really disappointed by their behavior. And all of that stems from me
being touched by a man as a child. And I have to work through that every time
I get triggered to past experiences. I have to remind myself.
This person that I'm dealing with is not that guy. My husband is not that guy.
(04:05):
My brother is not that guy. My friends are not that guy.
I have to remind myself, people don't heal quickly.
We don't heal in a snap of a finger. That's not how it happens.
I'm not Amazon to be delivering next day my healing. That's not how it works.
I am working, managing my mental health by journaling every day,
(04:26):
by reading every day, by coloring every day, by watching anime,
by playing video games, by going outside to go grocery shopping.
I learned how to drive just so that I could take myself driving to a park to
sit down in a park with my journal or my book near a river to read and meditate
and do what I need to do to get through my emotions.
(04:49):
Not rush them and not bottle them down. I had to learn that.
I was not this person that I am today in 2020.
I was not the same person in 2022 even because again, like I said,
I started managing my mental health February of 2023.
I just made a year last month managing my mental health.
(05:10):
I just made a year committing to myself that I was going to work on my mental
health by completing my outlets every day. You think I don't have days that
I don't want to wake up and journal?
You think that I don't have days that I don't want to wake up and script an episode for my podcast?
I have those days where it's Monday, I haven't recorded.
(05:32):
It's Tuesday, I haven't recorded. It's Wednesday morning and I'm dragging my feet to record.
I have to do this because I made a commitment to myself that I was going to
improve day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, week by week, month by month.
I made a commitment to myself. I'm not doing this for others to see,
oh, she's the most healed person. That is not why I'm doing this.
(05:54):
I'm doing this because it's helping someone else. But at the same time, it helps me.
It helps me pour into myself because I don't have a lot of people that pour
into me. I'm constantly pouring into other people.
I understand that I'm a leader and I understand that the way that I see the
world and the way that I am an empathetic listener, a lot of people are drawn to that.
(06:17):
A lot of people are drawn to my energy, so they tell me their problems and they
look for me for advice or they look for me for shoulders to cry on, right?
I had to write down on my calendar recently. constantly
the list of people that I have to check on the list
of people that I need to pour on is increasing day by
day so I had to write certain people in my
(06:37):
calendar so that I wouldn't forget certain people to check on okay I have from
my dad's previous relationship his previous stepdaughter my previous stepsister
I have her on my list of people that I pour into she doesn't tell me her problems. We're not there yet.
We're not because I don't force anyone to tell me their problem.
(07:00):
But I always message her to let her know that I'm here, that I'm proud of her, that I love her.
Even though we haven't seen each other in years, even though the distance is
great between us, I live far away from her.
I always let her know I'm here. I know that you exist.
You are are smart, you are kind, you are important. I give her words of affirmation all the time.
(07:23):
And I've never thought that I've been hitting her up on days that she was having a hard day.
She would tell me, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this.
Those are the responses that I have gotten from her.
So when people tell me something like that, it makes me know that what I do
matters and that people are listening and that the seeds that I'm spreading.
(07:48):
And when words of kindness. The seeds that I'm spreading to people,
the words of kindness that I'm sharing, they're growing.
They're being watered. They're not being thrown into dry soil.
They're being thrown into fertile soil and they will grow.
I message her all the time, not on a day-to-day basis because I don't believe
(08:09):
in feeling entitled to people's time, but I message her once a week To say, hey, I'm here.
Hope you're doing well. Just one sentence.
On her birthday, though, I messaged her a paragraph because I want to let her
know that I love her and I care for her and that it's a very special day and
that I'm glad she's alive. All those things.
(08:30):
Because I understand many people struggle with depression and anxiety and many
other mental health diagnoses.
My cousin's wife, one of my cousin's wife, my cousin that lives in Boston,
let me specify because I've mentioned other cousins before. I have a cousin who lives in Boston.
His wife vents to me sometimes about just day-to-day mother struggles or day-to-day wife struggles.
(08:53):
She's another person I have to write down on my calendar because my spirit,
my soul, my energy was telling me something's going on with her because she's
messaging me at random hours.
And she's not like that. She would message me, hey, how you doing?
Like at three in the morning.
Or hey, how are you at nine in the morning? Hey, how are you three in the afternoon?
(09:13):
Just different random time. And when I would respond, she wouldn't say anything.
So immediately a bulb clicked, a bulb turned on on my brain and said,
you have to message her on WhatsApp privately and say, hey, I feel like something is going on.
If you don't want to talk about it, I understand, but I just want to let you
(09:35):
know that I see you and whenever you're ready, I am available whenever you want.
So one day she decided to be vulnerable and she messaged me and the floodgates opened.
She told me so many things that broke my heart.
So she is another person that I have in my calendar now that is new,
(09:55):
that is added to the people that I have to pour into.
To you know there are many people who depend on
the way that I listen that's what they depend on and I want to be there for
them so in order for me to be there for them I have to be there for myself first
so in order for me to be there for myself I have to continue my fast right I'm
(10:17):
on on day 43 of my 16-8 fast, right?
It is 9.38 in the morning. At 12, I have to eat.
I was not the type of person that was feeding myself regularly.
I wasn't taking care of my physical health for years and years and years and years.
I didn't enjoy eating breakfast. I'm not a breakfast person.
(10:40):
So I decided to look for things that were going to help me manage the way that I eat, right? Right.
So at noon, I'm going to make an oatmeal, strawberry and cream oatmeal.
That's my favorite flavor.
I'm going to eat strawberry and cream oatmeal at noon. And then at four o'clock,
I'm going to eat another meal.
(11:01):
It might be ham and tortillas and cheese.
Not sure yet. Not sure, because I've been trying to eat different stuff for
different days. I don't meal prep because if I eat the same thing every day, it bores me.
It starts to taste boring and bland and the flavor just...
(11:24):
It doesn't taste good. I don't know how to describe it. I need to eat different
things on different days.
I'm going to make chicken stew, rice, and beans, or maybe lentils today for the family.
Not sure if that's what I'm going to eat for me at four o'clock, but we'll see.
And then between six and eight, I have to decide what I'm going to eat for dinner.
(11:47):
I'm going to be real with you. it might be another oatmeal
because i usually like to eat toasted bread
with butter but they didn't have the kaiser
roll bread that i like from walmart they
didn't have them when i went to when i went grocery shopping
on wednesday they didn't have them so i'm gonna see if
today or tomorrow i will get them because i like
(12:09):
to eat toasted bread with butter with oatmeal it
was just my thing to go to when I was pregnant
with my son that's where I really I've eaten oatmeal my whole life but I got
hooked to oatmeal for real for real for real when I got pregnant with my son
when I got pregnant with my son I was going to college to get my associates
for medical assistant and there was a bakery under the sixth train that I used
(12:33):
to take to go to Manhattan.
To go to school so right before I would get on the train I would make sure I
left my house two two hours before class started so that I can go to the bakery,
get my little cup of oatmeal with the toasted bread with butter.
And then I would wait for the train peacefully.
The train ride was a wreck and it was terrible because I was always nauseous.
(12:55):
I was car sick my whole entire pregnancy.
So going to school was very difficult. It was not an easy journey for me.
But when I got pregnant with my son, I had to push through because I was finishing school.
I was not at the beginning of my my journey. I was finishing school,
so I couldn't just give up. I couldn't just.
(13:15):
I'm not a quitter, guys. It's really difficult and challenging for me to quit things that I start.
So, for example, I'm not talking about games.
If it's a game, because it's a console, it's not real life.
If it's a game, if I get upset, I will quit in a heartbeat. That's different. That's a game.
(13:36):
But real life goals, when I tell myself that I'm going to do something, I do it.
I do it. I don't quit halfway. That's different. Those are goals.
Now like i said
i am unable to say i
am healing at the speed of light but i'm healing faster than
i was back in 2022 why is that
(13:56):
you may ask well i am completing my outlets like
i said you need to have a hobby everyone needs to have a hobby you don't need
to have multiple hobbies but you need to have at least one hobby right my list
of hobbies have i would say about 10 or 11 11 things that are on my hobbies
right now I keep adding things to it here and there.
(14:20):
Not everyone has many hobbies
or outlets that's how I like to call them outlets so I journal
on on an app on my
phone or on paper I read 10 pages of a
book I color on an app or on a coloring book
I crochet I play video games I listen to podcasts
I listen to asmr on i am getting six
(14:41):
plus hours of sleep and i know that i'm getting six plus hours of sleep
because i turned on the sleep i
don't know what it's called on the um jesus help me i have a iphone right there
is a mode on the clock or something like that that lets you what is it jesus
(15:03):
why can't the words come into my brain.
It collects how many hours you sleep or something like that.
I'm getting six plus hours of sleep because my clock is telling me that I'm
getting six plus hours of sleep.
I am listening to progressive muscle realizations on YouTube when I feel like
my body is very, very, very tense and I can't sleep and I'm like my mind is speeding.
(15:24):
I put on those progressive muscle realizations on YouTube and I close my eyes. I lay down.
I make make sure my kids are sleeping and my husband is
sleeping the house is dark the the temperature in the room is warm I am a preacher
of habit and I prefer to be room temperature I don't like being cold or being
(15:47):
hot so the room temperature is great I'm laying down my eyes are closed I'm relaxed.
My legs, my limbs, everything is, you know, everything is in a relaxed state.
And I listen to what they tell me to do, and I do it.
And lots of times, my body just cracks.
Like, my shoulder blades, my knee, just a bunch of places are cracking.
(16:12):
Probably my age. It probably has nothing to do with progressive muscle relationship, but whatever.
I am attempting to do somatic tracking.
I have to look into that. How do I go about incorporating that into my outlets?
And, you know, the list goes on and on. That's what I'm doing for myself.
I'm not doing those 11 outlets in one day. I'm picking a few and I'm completing them.
(16:38):
The ones that are in my routine and I do it with my eyes closed is the journaling,
the reading and the coloring.
I'm doing those automatic, on automatic.
I'm doing those every day. sometimes I'll sprinkle video games sometimes I'll
sprinkle reading manga sometimes I'll sprinkle.
Any other thing for example ASMR I
(17:01):
used to listen to ASMR every night for years and years and years and years and
years but now that my eating habits have improved my sleeping habits have improved
I'm falling asleep quicker now I'm falling asleep with more ease now my my mind
is quieter at night now. Many things are falling into place.
Many things are flowing in a normal state now.
(17:23):
Update on my health. Let me see. I might skip.
Yes i wasn't i wasn't skipping step because i have the
script right here so i'm making sure that i'm not missing
any points my life update i have my
primary care physician appointment this friday
march 15th they're gonna
redo the labs to make sure that my iron levels are normal
(17:46):
or managed since they gave me since
they prescribed me iron 30 days ago 30 days
ago once when they removed the next one
on my left arm and seven days
ago i stopped bleeding and about three
days ago i stopped experiencing labor pains three days labor pain free right
(18:09):
i'm super stoked super relaxed super happy that it's been seven days since the
last time i bled i'm happy and i hope hope it stays that way.
Right now I'm ovulating. TMI.
TMI. I'm ovulating, so I'm making sure that I stay away from my partner because
I do not want to have more children.
(18:30):
Now, I started an aero garden.
I'm doing, I'm growing mini cherry tomatoes. Walk with me. Disclaimer.
Y'all are my friends, right? And because y'all are my friends,
y'all signed a contract stating that you
will listen to my random updates at all times right so
(18:50):
the arrow garden i'm growing many cherry
tomatoes i named them with t-names
walk with me okay call me psycho call me what you want i won't get offended
i named my plants and my oldest seed his name is tommy my middle child his name
(19:11):
is tangiro and my third child, her name is Tabitha.
Let me tell you a background story about the Triple T's.
So right their seeds they're growing they have 15 hours of light and the light
turns off when they no longer need light they have their plant food and they have their water,
(19:38):
if you're interested in this you can go to aerogarden.com it's
spelled a-e-r-o-g-a-r-d-e-n.com not a sponsor now i named my oldest seed tommy
because my husband before we knew,
(20:01):
what to name our children he said he would name
his son if it was a boy tommy or oliver so
we already have my son his name.
Is oliver and i said
let me name my plant my oldest seed seed
Tommy Tanjiro my middle child
we named I named him after a character from
(20:22):
Demon Slayer it's an anime if you haven't
watched Demon Slayer what are you doing with your life go and
watch that anime it will change your life I promise my daughter.
Named the baby which is my third seed
she named her Tabata I told her
can you please think of a name with the
letter T she first thought of um Tammy.
(20:43):
She said Tammy because her brother name
is Tommy and I said no it's not original it's
it feels a little bit lazy to me personally my
opinion I'm not saying people who name their children
with names that sound like are lazy but to
me I would never I could
never name my son Carlos and my
(21:05):
daughter Carla I'm not doing it I'm not
doing it I don't care what nobody says not doing it it doesn't
sound good to me so my daughter switched
to Tabitha so sometimes when
I'm talking to them I'll be like oh hey you know for Tommy
I'll be like Tom Tom or I'll be like Tom I'm doing this blah
blah or for Tanjiro I'll be like oh hey Tan
(21:26):
Tan I'm doing this and that and for Tabitha sometimes
I'll be like hey Tabs or Tabby Tabs
or whatever I don't know how I got those nicknames it just
flowed through me and I said them I know
that plants listen because.
When I tell you that I was telling them something and
I started crying I was like all
(21:48):
right guys what are y'all doing to me y'all are
such good listeners like what I started
tearing I was telling my seeds something my
offsprings I'm a mother now green thumb green thumb Nita over here I started
crying and it felt really great it felt really healing and it felt really good
(22:11):
to get that out you know that's what I've been doing that's what I've been doing recently.
That's my story about my mini cherry tomatoes, my new babies called Tommy, Tangelo, and Tabitha.
Now, this week, I would like to recommend for you guys to touch grass.
(22:32):
Spring is eight days away.
March 19th is the first day of spring. The only reason I know when this season
starts is because that's my grandma's birthday.
One of my favorite people on this entire planet, she's turning 73 on March 19th.
She's still in the Dominican Republic on vacation she left in December she's
(22:55):
coming back in May I miss her so much I can't wait to see her she did offer
to return faster if I needed to get surgery.
For my reproductive system but I told her no there was
no need for her to do that I needed her to stay over there and vacation
and relax because she has taken care of me for a
very long time and it's her time now to be
(23:15):
there for herself and self-care and do
the things that she wants to do you know so go
touch grass go outside go find the
first flowers that are sprouting i saw the
most beautiful blue bird the other day i.
Was staring at the window waiting for my daughter's bus
and i saw her
(23:38):
get on the bus and i'm i'm hearing
these bird sounds that i've never
heard before they sound different and they sound
i don't know how how to say like a rhyme like
a song almost don't ask
me what that bird is called because i don't know bird names but it
had the most beautiful baby blue feathers
(24:00):
i had ever seen and then another one appeared and
another one it was a family of those beautiful
blue looking birds and then i keep watching and
there's this other bird he it was one bird he
had red feathers and he was also also
tweeting his life away and i was like where have
(24:21):
have i never noticed that there were beautiful
birds around here i mean i've always seen the crows and the just basic looking
birds that everyone's ever seen but i never seen those different color birds
ever this is how you know that i'm really i'm truly stopping to smell the flowers
and i'm truly stopping to live in the the moment, I'm truly,
(24:43):
truly being mindful.
And I'm not thinking about the past and I'm not worrying about the future.
In that moment, I said, wow.
How long have these birds been around? So now that I know that these birds have
nests in front of my house, now I'm going to be looking forward to seeing them,
to see when they leave in the wintertime, when they come back around spring.
(25:09):
When I go to the park with my son, I look and there's a bird nest in one of
the trees and another bird nest in the tree right next to it.
So I don't know. I feel like that's
another long-term goal I feel like I'm
gonna turn I truly want to
(25:29):
have a farm one day because I used to have chickens when
I was little and I loved my chicken I want to go back to having chickens one
day and this cherry tomato project is my way to start going back to to nature
I want to see how that goes because a long-term goal of mine is to have chickens again.
(25:52):
Preferably one male and
one female or maybe a few
females but for sure for sure just one male I can't
I don't want to have too much male energy around me
and not because I'm saying I hate men or I
hate the male species it's just I'm I'm
thriving in my femininity and I would like to continue i've
(26:14):
lived in masculinity for way too long i've lived
with my guard up for way too long i've lived
in my anger for way too long so i'm dipping into what it
is to be feminine i'm dipping into what it is to
be soft and i'm learning to be soft and i'm learning
to be um gentle i'm learning to be
feminine so one of my long-term projects is
(26:35):
perhaps one day having having a
large space where i can raise
chickens and have a garden whatever
it is that is going to be in the garden i'm not sure i'm not sure
what's going to be but i guess i'll get the idea when
the time comes so that's my recommendation you
(26:55):
know touch grass go outside sit on the grass if you have grass already where
you live i don't know where you're located but But I want to say my bestie inspired
me to start getting in the soil because she had plants.
She had plants before. I do not recall what the plants were called,
(27:19):
but she had a lot of plants.
And she, all of them looked different.
Their leaves were different.
She has succulents. I believe that's what they're called. She has succulents.
And they were all very different some of them were low maintenance plants and
some of them were high maintenance and I remember the plants because she had
(27:44):
a lot and then number two I went
to mag fest it's a convention in Maryland and they had the most cutest.
Plant pot of the cat from sailor moon he's black and it was super cute and i
gave her that to use for one of her plants and she has a green she has a green
(28:07):
thumb you know her energy is great,
she's great to be around she's my safety she's my
safe place i really love her so much and many of the things that she does inspire
me for example i would like to possibly start gaming on a pc see soon not sure
when that soon will be bear with me bear with me you know my audio is flawed.
(28:32):
Thank you for your patience if you
hear any thumps or i think
it's yeah i just moved the wire and it sounded really loudly i'm working on
the music i like to have music on the background so the microphone is really
close to the speaker so i have to put it on one it's so many things that i'm
learning i'm just you know tweaking here and there the things to improve the audio i ordered,
(28:59):
a new microphone supposedly it sounds good let's see according to the reviews
it's a good mic but it's not here yet so we will see um i hope you guys are
out there and you have people that you get inspired by and if you're not if
you don't have anyone i will sit here and be your inspiration.
That sounds so egomaniac that sounds so
(29:20):
shallow but i say
with good intentions i'm trying to be sincere and
vulnerable and say that if you don't have anyone who
inspires you let me be that source
of inspiration i hope that you're having
a wonderful wednesday i hope you have the day that you deserve and
i hope you're taking care of yourself if how vulnerable i have
(29:42):
been on this episode has helped
you in any way please download the episode and follow
me for more i put out new episodes every wednesday
i am growing through every experience hope you are too i got the outro this
week i did a great job i got the outro this week because last week i was messy
(30:03):
i was my emotions got the best of me and that's okay that's okay i don't need a perfect outro.
Music.
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