April 26, 2024 • 19 mins
Immerse yourself in an empowering episode of Embracing Vulnerability, hosted by Ennelih. This transformative narrative focuses on life's challenges and the power of positivity, urging its audience to embrace every day with the same exuberance as a Friday. Ennelih speaks candidly about her journey from fear to resilience, sharing personal experiences and the practice of meditation in coping with life’s ups and downs. Tune in to learn how to navigate through trauma and begin a journey of personal growth while taking tangible steps toward eradicating the fear of failure.
Join Ennelih as she narrates her own metamorphosis from player to coach in matters of self-appreciation, improvement, and removal of harmful elements from our lives. Discover the compelling story of Ennelih's journey from dependence to independence, as she highlights their audacious steps against societal & familial pressures. She emphasizes creating our own narrative and principles inspired by a deeper understanding of relationship dynamics and family roles.
This episode is a remarkable culmination of Ennelih's personal experiences, introspective insights, and how to transform generational ideas. It serves as an affirmation of the need for personal conviction in leading an authentic life and balance within your emotional states. Round off your week with a journey that encourages self-love and emphasizes the impact you have on others. Available every Wednesday and Friday on Spotify, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio, Player FM, Listen Notes, Samsung Podcasts, Podchaser, Boomplay, Deezer, and Podcast Addict.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
Good morning and welcome to Embracing Vulnerability. I'm your host, NLE.
I hope everyone is doing well.
I hope everyone is having a good Friday.
If you're a person who loves Friday because you're thinking that the weekend
is going to be late because you're not working, Ma'am, every day should be lit.
(00:31):
Every day should be a good day for you if you have the right mindset,
if you train your brain, if you reroute your brain to think that a Monday feels
like a Friday, that a Tuesday feels like a Friday, that a Sunday feels like a Friday.
Why should Friday be the best day of the week?
Why should Friday and Saturday have all the fun?
Why do Friday and Saturday have all the good energy?
(00:55):
Energy bring that good energy and that good vibe
to the rest of the week it's not that difficult
baby i promise you it's not stop letting
the hater haters make you believe and sometimes you're a hater to yourself as
well so you're included in this hate speech sometimes you make yourself believe
(01:15):
some days are better than other days they are a tiny little thing you can be
grateful for every single day.
You just got to get in your brain and look for it. Meditate a little bit. Be still.
Be still, my love. Be still, beloved.
I know it's difficult to be still when everything in life is so fast,
(01:38):
when everything is so expressed.
Be still. I think one of my favorite things that I love about DR is things are a little bit slower.
People are not fast pacing to get to the bag, to get to this, to get to that.
People tend to be a little more chill, vibing with nature, taking the sun in.
(02:01):
I understand there's a lot of things going on around the world,
but I feel like the fact that the electricity goes away from time to time over
there, it helps me personally.
I can't speak for others.
I know other people have power plants and stuff like that. I didn't grow up with a power plant.
So I was constantly disconnecting from social media, from my phone,
(02:24):
from the drama, from the news, from all things online.
And I lived a great childhood. I lived a great childhood despite of being touched at seven years old.
I'm not going to get tired of repeating to you that yes, a family member of
mine, a male touched me in my private area when I was seven years old.
(02:49):
And I have lived with anger.
I have lived with regret, resentment, negativity for way too long.
And I have done many disservices to myself because I allowed myself to make
trauma the center of myself.
Trauma is not my nuclear. Trauma is not me. I am not trauma.
(03:10):
Anxiety, depression, anything that you're dealing with with mental health does
not belong to you. It was placed on you, and it is your job to do the 1% every
day of work to uplift yourself.
You have to coach yourself. You have to be a cheerleader to yourself because
others may root for you, but it is not somebody else's responsibility 100% of
(03:35):
the time to cheer for you.
Those people have baggage and stuff going on too. Those people have a rooted issue as well.
So today, the topic I want to get into is failure.
When I was learning how to ride skates and bikes, my mama told me,
you're going to fall a hundred times before you get the hang of it.
Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it's fake.
(03:58):
I know you've heard a lot of these quotes over and over and over,
possibly by loved ones, but sometimes you need to hear some of these affirmations
by a stranger so you You can understand that I'm not telling you this because
I know you and I'm not telling you this to be biased and lie to you.
I'm telling you this because I've lived it and these things have transformed
(04:20):
my life and I am no longer the person I used to be five years ago, 10 years ago.
Every single day I'm putting in my 1% to improve my life for myself.
I need and I want and I yearn to be whole and heal and authentic as possible.
I believe my parents did a great job teaching me failure is a part of life.
(04:43):
They taught me that falling is normal in life. You can't control the wind,
but you can adjust your sail.
As human beings, we are programmed to calculate risk. So sometimes we are too
afraid to take the first step.
Sometimes we are afraid so we don't do anything about what we want.
(05:03):
Sometimes we are afraid we do not have the budget or the intelligence to embark on a new journey.
How does one overcome fear? How long do we let fear take lead role in our life?
How can we find the strength to do it even while trembling with fear?
You think getting online for me, exposing my dirty little secrets online is easy for me? It's not.
(05:27):
I didn't even like the sound of my voice when I first started recording.
I was very insecure, very, very scared and asking myself time and time again, why am I doing this?
This is a waste of time. Who's even going to listen?
Too many negative thoughts. Too many negative thoughts were at the center of
my being and I had to do something about it.
(05:49):
I didn't want to continue living like that.
I'm not saying negative thoughts don't come in. Yes, they do come in.
But I have a giant security guard at the door of my brain. and it's going to
check if they're on the VIP list or not.
It's going to fact check them and say if this aligns with who I am as a person.
If it doesn't align, it cannot come in.
(06:11):
I have made my mind strong. Thank you, brain.
Once again, thank you, brain, because you're working really hard to get me going
through my emotions and to continue to keep me living and not surviving.
Thank you, brain. You're doing a good job. Thank you, brain.
You're going to hear me from time to time thanking myself, talking to myself, loving on myself.
(06:34):
You need to be doing the same thing. How does one overcome fear?
How long do we let fear take the lead role in our life?
How can we find the strength to do it even while we're trembling in fear?
Get into the habit of asking yourself, does this support the life I am trying to create?
(06:55):
Turn that into a habit if you are a friend of everybody you're an enemy of yourself
many people around you are not good for you you need to slowly trim them out of your life,
Like a plant. When plants start growing in crevices and cracks and places that
you can't reach, you prune them, right?
(07:16):
And do they grow back? Yes, they do. They continue to grow and you prune them
to keep them in a sort of line that flows in your home.
Because you're not trying to create a jungle in your house, right?
You need to walk on the floor. You need to be able to see where you're going.
There's wires and things inside of
the the flooring or the or the roof so you
(07:39):
can't just let your plant enter the cracks and start growing inside cracks of
your home no so you prune the plants right prune those friends out of your life
prune them out you know which friends i'm talking about be grateful that you
can't figure out why you're so awesome you can't figure it out right now.
But even if I don't know you, I can tell that you are going to figure out the
(08:04):
reasons why you're so awesome.
The reason why you're so awesome. I know you're going to get it.
It's a transition, baby.
You're going to get it. I know you will see what I see when I look at you.
Metaphorically speaking, I know I can't see you and you can't see me.
You're only hearing me, but I'm saying, listen to what I'm saying.
(08:25):
I know you're going to get there.
Some people were not put here to evolve. They are here to remind you what it
looks like if you don't evolve.
I will not get tired of telling you that you need to do better for yourself
and work on those areas of your life that you know do not benefit you.
When I wake up in the morning, no matter where I am, I don't need nothing.
(08:47):
Whatever I need is right around me and whatever I don't have is it's because I don't want it.
It's not because I can't get it. All I got to do is want it and it belongs to me.
A great example of this is living in my mother-in-law's house.
I know in my mind that, okay, I'm 25.
(09:08):
At 25, I thought I was going to be at a certain place and I'm not.
What are the things that I need to do to change, to improve my life so that
life starts looking the way I want it to look?
I don't want to live in my mother-in-law's house when I'm 30 years old.
That is not what I'm picturing for myself.
I don't want it. I don't like it. I don't need it. Something needs to change.
(09:28):
And I started taking the steps and I started creating an exit strategy and exit plan.
It's always good to plan how you're going to get out of a certain situation.
Just talking it out with someone is not going to get you anywhere. You need to plan it out.
Even if it's a relationship that you need to break up with someone,
that you need to move out of their house,
all of that takes careful planning and consideration after you have your exit
(09:53):
strategy then you speak to the person you let them know this is not working
now and sometimes it's not because you don't love them it's because,
you guys no longer have the same morals or
ideas or goals or plans you cannot stay even if you loved the person the past
20 years if you see that person is not growing at the speed that you're going
(10:15):
and i'm not saying don't invest in people i'm saying invest in them but i'm
saying you need to be able to see the fruits of your benefit.
You need to be able to see it. You need to be able to see that person taking
into consideration what you tell them and putting into practice what advice you give them.
The reason I am with my person is because he's ambitious.
(10:36):
He is ambitious and he wants to keep growing and he wants to keep making himself
better and he likes a challenge and he overcomes his challenges.
That man is an inspiration to me. He's hardworking.
He is so hardworking. He's a provider. He's a great leader, provider, and father in this home.
(10:56):
Thankful and grateful to be working every single day to choose to love him because
marriage doesn't start at the altar. It starts with the everyday.
Even when you look at them and you're thinking, I want to kill him.
This person is driving me crazy. And you choose to love them anyway.
Any person who is your loved ones, we all have flaws, but it's our decision
(11:20):
ultimately every day to decide we want to be with this person.
We want to keep working with this person. We want to keep growing with this
person. This person has the same core values as I do.
This person thinks of these ideas the same way that's similar to me.
We disagree, but we make sure we don't go to bed angry.
(11:41):
It's a lot of areas that we need to work on. And I was extremely proud of myself
for moving out of my mother-in-law's house before I turned 30.
I am proud and happy for the fact.
That I lived in her home from the ages of 23 to 28.
It took me five years to get the type of mindset and resources to get out of her house.
(12:07):
And it's not because she was hateful and it's not because she was disrespectful.
We didn't agree on certain things.
She raised her children differently than how my parents raised me.
Not a hundred percent, but I would say we had some things that were similar,
some things that I didn't agree on.
My husband was raised in a home that it was mostly parties every weekend and
(12:30):
children were not necessarily watched in a responsible way.
I know his family members might think that they were watched in a responsible
way, but the reality is they know my brothers and my husband.
My husband is the one that tells me this. my child is
at an age where I feel like I can trust her to
(12:51):
leave her home two three hours while I
go run an errand he doesn't want to leave her home
alone he tells me and I tell him all the time your mom left you alone with your
siblings he will tell me yes and I don't want to be my mom for my children I
don't want to be that I didn't want my mom to leave me with the responsibilities
that she left me if you're a firstborn child you know what I'm talking about because I also had to
(13:16):
partially raise my sister and my step-sibling.
I had to cook for them. I had to pick them up from school. I had to take them to school.
You understand me? So if you're not a firstborn child or if you're not coming
from an immigrant home, you might not understand the responsibilities that were
placed on you as a young child.
My daughter doesn't have the responsibility of taking care of her little brother.
(13:41):
My daughter doesn't have the responsibility of ensuring that my son eats.
While my husband and I relived those similar experiences, we are trying to be
better than what our parents did.
My dad and his mom failed in a lot of areas, but they did what they could,
(14:01):
and we have no resentment towards our parents.
He cannot speak on his dad because his dad passed away when he was younger,
but he can only speak on the parent that had been present his whole life.
And little things that you tell your children stick because my mother-in-law
used to tell my husband and me, if you guys move out of my house,
(14:22):
you're not going to make it.
Those are the literal negative words that were placed in his heart.
He didn't believe that he could be independent outside of his mother's life,
outside of his mother's home.
He didn't believe it, but I did because I was already on my own since I was 18.
I was already moving from place to place, crashing in a friend's house,
(14:43):
in a cousin's house, in an uncle's house.
I was already doing that since I was 18. So I was already surviving without my mom and my dad.
He left his mother's skirts when he was 29 years old because I made him see
that if I've been outside for 18 years struggling on my own and I still am surviving
(15:06):
and I'm trying to look for a home and I'm trying to learn how to live, he can do it too.
That I didn't want to be in survival mode all my life, that I needed to find my own path. half.
My father was wrong for many things, but my father was not wrong about children
needing to find their independence and learning how to get their own skills
(15:27):
to find their own grounds.
I believe those words from my father. So we have what we have because he trusted my word.
We went forward and here we are three years in our apartment and not once has
anybody from his family said, and I could be petty and I could be like,
oh, I thought you said we couldn't make it without you.
(15:50):
Here we are three years later making it. I'm not saying every day don't have
struggle. I'm not saying that we don't run into walls and barriers. We do.
We're adults. Everyone in this world, children, adults, teenagers, we all run into things.
We all do. We just have to find a way to overcome it.
Not petty. So I never told my mother-in-law, these are the words that you told
(16:11):
us that didn't make us believe certain things, but we still made it anyways.
So you have to be really careful who is in your inner circle.
I love her. I love her to death, but there are certain ideas that my mother-in-law
believes in that I limit myself from listening to because I know she comes from
all beliefs and all teachings. I don't come from those generations.
(16:34):
The generations Generations of 50s and up don't think the same the way 30 and
under do. It's just a fact.
Don't come at me because you know that if you're a millennial,
you know what I'm talking about.
Certain yap, yappy, yapping, yappity, yap, yak, yak, that our parents be saying
don't be making no sense.
And it's not factual. And there's no evidence to support the stuff that they
(16:57):
be trying to feed down our tooth, down our brain, down our throat.
We have to believe that when we were younger.
But after a certain age, you have to start questioning things.
You have to start looking for your own information.
You have to. You can't just go by what I tell you, what she tells you,
what they tell you. Get your own information.
Get your own facts. Believe what you want to believe.
(17:20):
There are some ideas that we can take from others, from anyone in our inner
circle, from our loved ones.
There are many ideas we can take from them, but we are not their copy.
Even twins are not identical in personality. They may be identical on the outside,
but they are not identical on the inside.
So please, let's try to do better.
(17:40):
Let's complete our outlets. Go get some sun. Go touch grass.
Go watch some series on any platforms. Not sponsored. I'm not sponsored by Netflix,
Hulu, or any of these places that I'm suggesting.
Go listen to your favorite podcast. Go watch your favorite content creators on YouTube.
There are many people out there who are working really hard to change their
(18:03):
life and to help the community grow and change for the better.
People are looking up to you. If you have smaller siblings or nieces or nephews, they look up to you.
So you have to be really careful with the things that you say and the things
that you do. I'm really glad that I told my daughter to have her own voice and
to check me when I'm saying crazy stuff that's not aligning with our home.
(18:23):
My daughter is allowed to have an input with how things happen.
You think this is a hippie home? I don't care if you think this is a hippie
home. I used to think hippie people were crazy to be happy every single day.
Now I embrace their ideas and now I'm like, why can't I be happy every day?
Why can't I go through my emotions every day? Why can't I be angry,
(18:44):
then mad, angry and mad, same thing.
Why can't I be angry, then sad, then happy? I can work through all of those emotions.
I can't just let happiness take over my whole entire day.
And if I feel one tiny negative thought, think to myself, I'm a failure.
That's not how that works. It doesn't work like that.
All our emotions deserve to have a place in our life.
(19:07):
If how vulnerable I have been today with you has helped in any way,
Please download the episode and follow me for more.
I put out new episodes every Wednesday and Friday.
My podcast is now available on Spotify, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio,
Player FM, Listen Notes, Samsung Podcasts, Podchaser, Boomplay,
Deezer, and Podcast Addict.
(19:27):
I am growing through every experience.
I hope that you are too.
Good morning and welcome to Embracing Vulnerability. I'm your host, NLE.
I hope everyone is doing well.
I hope everyone is having a good Friday.
If you're a person who loves Friday because you're thinking that the weekend
is going to be late because you're not working, Ma'am, every day should be lit.
(00:31):
Every day should be a good day for you if you have the right mindset,
if you train your brain, if you reroute your brain to think that a Monday feels
like a Friday, that a Tuesday feels like a Friday, that a Sunday feels like a Friday.
Why should Friday be the best day of the week?
Why should Friday and Saturday have all the fun?
Why do Friday and Saturday have all the good energy?
(00:55):
Energy bring that good energy and that good vibe
to the rest of the week it's not that difficult
baby i promise you it's not stop letting
the hater haters make you believe and sometimes you're a hater to yourself as
well so you're included in this hate speech sometimes you make yourself believe
(01:15):
some days are better than other days they are a tiny little thing you can be
grateful for every single day.
You just got to get in your brain and look for it. Meditate a little bit. Be still.
Be still, my love. Be still, beloved.
I know it's difficult to be still when everything in life is so fast,
(01:38):
when everything is so expressed.
Be still. I think one of my favorite things that I love about DR is things are a little bit slower.
People are not fast pacing to get to the bag, to get to this, to get to that.
People tend to be a little more chill, vibing with nature, taking the sun in.
(02:01):
I understand there's a lot of things going on around the world,
but I feel like the fact that the electricity goes away from time to time over
there, it helps me personally.
I can't speak for others.
I know other people have power plants and stuff like that. I didn't grow up with a power plant.
So I was constantly disconnecting from social media, from my phone,
(02:24):
from the drama, from the news, from all things online.
And I lived a great childhood. I lived a great childhood despite of being touched at seven years old.
I'm not going to get tired of repeating to you that yes, a family member of
mine, a male touched me in my private area when I was seven years old.
(02:49):
And I have lived with anger.
I have lived with regret, resentment, negativity for way too long.
And I have done many disservices to myself because I allowed myself to make
trauma the center of myself.
Trauma is not my nuclear. Trauma is not me. I am not trauma.
(03:10):
Anxiety, depression, anything that you're dealing with with mental health does
not belong to you. It was placed on you, and it is your job to do the 1% every
day of work to uplift yourself.
You have to coach yourself. You have to be a cheerleader to yourself because
others may root for you, but it is not somebody else's responsibility 100% of
(03:35):
the time to cheer for you.
Those people have baggage and stuff going on too. Those people have a rooted issue as well.
So today, the topic I want to get into is failure.
When I was learning how to ride skates and bikes, my mama told me,
you're going to fall a hundred times before you get the hang of it.
Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it's fake.
(03:58):
I know you've heard a lot of these quotes over and over and over,
possibly by loved ones, but sometimes you need to hear some of these affirmations
by a stranger so you You can understand that I'm not telling you this because
I know you and I'm not telling you this to be biased and lie to you.
I'm telling you this because I've lived it and these things have transformed
(04:20):
my life and I am no longer the person I used to be five years ago, 10 years ago.
Every single day I'm putting in my 1% to improve my life for myself.
I need and I want and I yearn to be whole and heal and authentic as possible.
I believe my parents did a great job teaching me failure is a part of life.
(04:43):
They taught me that falling is normal in life. You can't control the wind,
but you can adjust your sail.
As human beings, we are programmed to calculate risk. So sometimes we are too
afraid to take the first step.
Sometimes we are afraid so we don't do anything about what we want.
(05:03):
Sometimes we are afraid we do not have the budget or the intelligence to embark on a new journey.
How does one overcome fear? How long do we let fear take lead role in our life?
How can we find the strength to do it even while trembling with fear?
You think getting online for me, exposing my dirty little secrets online is easy for me? It's not.
(05:27):
I didn't even like the sound of my voice when I first started recording.
I was very insecure, very, very scared and asking myself time and time again, why am I doing this?
This is a waste of time. Who's even going to listen?
Too many negative thoughts. Too many negative thoughts were at the center of
my being and I had to do something about it.
(05:49):
I didn't want to continue living like that.
I'm not saying negative thoughts don't come in. Yes, they do come in.
But I have a giant security guard at the door of my brain. and it's going to
check if they're on the VIP list or not.
It's going to fact check them and say if this aligns with who I am as a person.
If it doesn't align, it cannot come in.
(06:11):
I have made my mind strong. Thank you, brain.
Once again, thank you, brain, because you're working really hard to get me going
through my emotions and to continue to keep me living and not surviving.
Thank you, brain. You're doing a good job. Thank you, brain.
You're going to hear me from time to time thanking myself, talking to myself, loving on myself.
(06:34):
You need to be doing the same thing. How does one overcome fear?
How long do we let fear take the lead role in our life?
How can we find the strength to do it even while we're trembling in fear?
Get into the habit of asking yourself, does this support the life I am trying to create?
(06:55):
Turn that into a habit if you are a friend of everybody you're an enemy of yourself
many people around you are not good for you you need to slowly trim them out of your life,
Like a plant. When plants start growing in crevices and cracks and places that
you can't reach, you prune them, right?
(07:16):
And do they grow back? Yes, they do. They continue to grow and you prune them
to keep them in a sort of line that flows in your home.
Because you're not trying to create a jungle in your house, right?
You need to walk on the floor. You need to be able to see where you're going.
There's wires and things inside of
the the flooring or the or the roof so you
(07:39):
can't just let your plant enter the cracks and start growing inside cracks of
your home no so you prune the plants right prune those friends out of your life
prune them out you know which friends i'm talking about be grateful that you
can't figure out why you're so awesome you can't figure it out right now.
But even if I don't know you, I can tell that you are going to figure out the
(08:04):
reasons why you're so awesome.
The reason why you're so awesome. I know you're going to get it.
It's a transition, baby.
You're going to get it. I know you will see what I see when I look at you.
Metaphorically speaking, I know I can't see you and you can't see me.
You're only hearing me, but I'm saying, listen to what I'm saying.
(08:25):
I know you're going to get there.
Some people were not put here to evolve. They are here to remind you what it
looks like if you don't evolve.
I will not get tired of telling you that you need to do better for yourself
and work on those areas of your life that you know do not benefit you.
When I wake up in the morning, no matter where I am, I don't need nothing.
(08:47):
Whatever I need is right around me and whatever I don't have is it's because I don't want it.
It's not because I can't get it. All I got to do is want it and it belongs to me.
A great example of this is living in my mother-in-law's house.
I know in my mind that, okay, I'm 25.
(09:08):
At 25, I thought I was going to be at a certain place and I'm not.
What are the things that I need to do to change, to improve my life so that
life starts looking the way I want it to look?
I don't want to live in my mother-in-law's house when I'm 30 years old.
That is not what I'm picturing for myself.
I don't want it. I don't like it. I don't need it. Something needs to change.
(09:28):
And I started taking the steps and I started creating an exit strategy and exit plan.
It's always good to plan how you're going to get out of a certain situation.
Just talking it out with someone is not going to get you anywhere. You need to plan it out.
Even if it's a relationship that you need to break up with someone,
that you need to move out of their house,
all of that takes careful planning and consideration after you have your exit
(09:53):
strategy then you speak to the person you let them know this is not working
now and sometimes it's not because you don't love them it's because,
you guys no longer have the same morals or
ideas or goals or plans you cannot stay even if you loved the person the past
20 years if you see that person is not growing at the speed that you're going
(10:15):
and i'm not saying don't invest in people i'm saying invest in them but i'm
saying you need to be able to see the fruits of your benefit.
You need to be able to see it. You need to be able to see that person taking
into consideration what you tell them and putting into practice what advice you give them.
The reason I am with my person is because he's ambitious.
(10:36):
He is ambitious and he wants to keep growing and he wants to keep making himself
better and he likes a challenge and he overcomes his challenges.
That man is an inspiration to me. He's hardworking.
He is so hardworking. He's a provider. He's a great leader, provider, and father in this home.
(10:56):
Thankful and grateful to be working every single day to choose to love him because
marriage doesn't start at the altar. It starts with the everyday.
Even when you look at them and you're thinking, I want to kill him.
This person is driving me crazy. And you choose to love them anyway.
Any person who is your loved ones, we all have flaws, but it's our decision
(11:20):
ultimately every day to decide we want to be with this person.
We want to keep working with this person. We want to keep growing with this
person. This person has the same core values as I do.
This person thinks of these ideas the same way that's similar to me.
We disagree, but we make sure we don't go to bed angry.
(11:41):
It's a lot of areas that we need to work on. And I was extremely proud of myself
for moving out of my mother-in-law's house before I turned 30.
I am proud and happy for the fact.
That I lived in her home from the ages of 23 to 28.
It took me five years to get the type of mindset and resources to get out of her house.
(12:07):
And it's not because she was hateful and it's not because she was disrespectful.
We didn't agree on certain things.
She raised her children differently than how my parents raised me.
Not a hundred percent, but I would say we had some things that were similar,
some things that I didn't agree on.
My husband was raised in a home that it was mostly parties every weekend and
(12:30):
children were not necessarily watched in a responsible way.
I know his family members might think that they were watched in a responsible
way, but the reality is they know my brothers and my husband.
My husband is the one that tells me this. my child is
at an age where I feel like I can trust her to
(12:51):
leave her home two three hours while I
go run an errand he doesn't want to leave her home
alone he tells me and I tell him all the time your mom left you alone with your
siblings he will tell me yes and I don't want to be my mom for my children I
don't want to be that I didn't want my mom to leave me with the responsibilities
that she left me if you're a firstborn child you know what I'm talking about because I also had to
(13:16):
partially raise my sister and my step-sibling.
I had to cook for them. I had to pick them up from school. I had to take them to school.
You understand me? So if you're not a firstborn child or if you're not coming
from an immigrant home, you might not understand the responsibilities that were
placed on you as a young child.
My daughter doesn't have the responsibility of taking care of her little brother.
(13:41):
My daughter doesn't have the responsibility of ensuring that my son eats.
While my husband and I relived those similar experiences, we are trying to be
better than what our parents did.
My dad and his mom failed in a lot of areas, but they did what they could,
(14:01):
and we have no resentment towards our parents.
He cannot speak on his dad because his dad passed away when he was younger,
but he can only speak on the parent that had been present his whole life.
And little things that you tell your children stick because my mother-in-law
used to tell my husband and me, if you guys move out of my house,
(14:22):
you're not going to make it.
Those are the literal negative words that were placed in his heart.
He didn't believe that he could be independent outside of his mother's life,
outside of his mother's home.
He didn't believe it, but I did because I was already on my own since I was 18.
I was already moving from place to place, crashing in a friend's house,
(14:43):
in a cousin's house, in an uncle's house.
I was already doing that since I was 18. So I was already surviving without my mom and my dad.
He left his mother's skirts when he was 29 years old because I made him see
that if I've been outside for 18 years struggling on my own and I still am surviving
(15:06):
and I'm trying to look for a home and I'm trying to learn how to live, he can do it too.
That I didn't want to be in survival mode all my life, that I needed to find my own path. half.
My father was wrong for many things, but my father was not wrong about children
needing to find their independence and learning how to get their own skills
(15:27):
to find their own grounds.
I believe those words from my father. So we have what we have because he trusted my word.
We went forward and here we are three years in our apartment and not once has
anybody from his family said, and I could be petty and I could be like,
oh, I thought you said we couldn't make it without you.
(15:50):
Here we are three years later making it. I'm not saying every day don't have
struggle. I'm not saying that we don't run into walls and barriers. We do.
We're adults. Everyone in this world, children, adults, teenagers, we all run into things.
We all do. We just have to find a way to overcome it.
Not petty. So I never told my mother-in-law, these are the words that you told
(16:11):
us that didn't make us believe certain things, but we still made it anyways.
So you have to be really careful who is in your inner circle.
I love her. I love her to death, but there are certain ideas that my mother-in-law
believes in that I limit myself from listening to because I know she comes from
all beliefs and all teachings. I don't come from those generations.
(16:34):
The generations Generations of 50s and up don't think the same the way 30 and
under do. It's just a fact.
Don't come at me because you know that if you're a millennial,
you know what I'm talking about.
Certain yap, yappy, yapping, yappity, yap, yak, yak, that our parents be saying
don't be making no sense.
And it's not factual. And there's no evidence to support the stuff that they
(16:57):
be trying to feed down our tooth, down our brain, down our throat.
We have to believe that when we were younger.
But after a certain age, you have to start questioning things.
You have to start looking for your own information.
You have to. You can't just go by what I tell you, what she tells you,
what they tell you. Get your own information.
Get your own facts. Believe what you want to believe.
(17:20):
There are some ideas that we can take from others, from anyone in our inner
circle, from our loved ones.
There are many ideas we can take from them, but we are not their copy.
Even twins are not identical in personality. They may be identical on the outside,
but they are not identical on the inside.
So please, let's try to do better.
(17:40):
Let's complete our outlets. Go get some sun. Go touch grass.
Go watch some series on any platforms. Not sponsored. I'm not sponsored by Netflix,
Hulu, or any of these places that I'm suggesting.
Go listen to your favorite podcast. Go watch your favorite content creators on YouTube.
There are many people out there who are working really hard to change their
(18:03):
life and to help the community grow and change for the better.
People are looking up to you. If you have smaller siblings or nieces or nephews, they look up to you.
So you have to be really careful with the things that you say and the things
that you do. I'm really glad that I told my daughter to have her own voice and
to check me when I'm saying crazy stuff that's not aligning with our home.
(18:23):
My daughter is allowed to have an input with how things happen.
You think this is a hippie home? I don't care if you think this is a hippie
home. I used to think hippie people were crazy to be happy every single day.
Now I embrace their ideas and now I'm like, why can't I be happy every day?
Why can't I go through my emotions every day? Why can't I be angry,
(18:44):
then mad, angry and mad, same thing.
Why can't I be angry, then sad, then happy? I can work through all of those emotions.
I can't just let happiness take over my whole entire day.
And if I feel one tiny negative thought, think to myself, I'm a failure.
That's not how that works. It doesn't work like that.
All our emotions deserve to have a place in our life.
(19:07):
If how vulnerable I have been today with you has helped in any way,
Please download the episode and follow me for more.
I put out new episodes every Wednesday and Friday.
My podcast is now available on Spotify, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio,
Player FM, Listen Notes, Samsung Podcasts, Podchaser, Boomplay,
Deezer, and Podcast Addict.
(19:27):
I am growing through every experience.
I hope that you are too.
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