April 1, 2024 • 19 mins
Hey there! In this episode of the Stress-Less Living Podcast, I'll be sharing with you one of the most important mindfulness/mindset principles that (I believe) you can ever internalise.
This principle is helps with one of the major causes of unhappiness, and has personally helped me manage the chaos of modern life, overcome major adversity, and move past challenging circumstances.
Join me for an exploration into this game-changing mindfulness/mindset principle and start living an easier and more enjoyable life.
SHOW LINKS:
– Free Online Training on Meditation (IMPORTANT NOTE: Enter the code: SLLOFFER at checkout to enrol for free): https://mind-school.newzenler.com/courses/chaos-to-calm-finding-inner-peace-in-your-working-life-through-meditation?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Fairly recently I experienced a major household disaster.
So I came home from visiting my son in the Netherlands and as soon as I walked
into my porch I knew something big was wrong.
So the first sign was this large gushing sound of water. It kind of sounded like a waterfall.
So I rushed downstairs. So I live in a split level house so you go downstairs
(00:23):
to the bedrooms And what I was met with can only be described as a scene of
destruction and devastation.
So one of my pipes had burst in my kitchen upstairs and the water had been pouring
through down through into the bedroom downstairs for at least a few days.
So my bedroom, my bathroom, my kitchen had all been completely destroyed.
(00:47):
The roof had fallen down and there was a river are practically flowing through my hallway downstairs.
So at the time, I started to totally freak out. I didn't know what I was going
to do. Where am I going to live?
All kinds of thoughts were going through my head. So what I did was I FaceTimed my parents.
They're usually very good in these situations. They're very calm.
(01:08):
And I talked the whole situation through with them. And at the end of the conversation,
they said something that was quite profound.
They said, said, you know what, this is nowhere near as bad as it seems.
And this sets us up nicely for the principle that we're going to be discussing
in this episode of the Stress Less Living podcast.
We're going to be talking about the number one mindfulness principle that you
(01:32):
absolutely need in your life.
Because here's the thing, the bad experiences of our life, the setbacks,
the struggles, the disappointments, whatever they are for you,
are almost always always nowhere near as bad as they seem.
But in order to appreciate that, we have to first embrace this principle that
we're going to be talking about in this episode.
Hey there and welcome to the Stress Less Living Podcast.
(01:55):
My name is Stephen Burns and I've been a practicing coach, trainer and hypnotherapist for 25 years.
Each week I'll share easily digestible bite-sized ideas that you can immediately
put into practice so that you can live a more more harmonious and balanced life.
On this podcast, you can expect mindset advice, strategies for dealing with
big modern day problems like stress, overwhelm, burnout, perfectionism and procrastination,
(02:19):
and also insights into tools like meditation and mindfulness.
So if you're looking for the perfect antidote for the chaos of modern life,
my friend, you are absolutely in the right place.
So let's get going, shall we? So in this episode, we're We're going to be taking
a look at the number one mindfulness principle that you absolutely need in your life.
(02:41):
When you internalize this principle, your stress levels will reduce.
You'll be a lot less likely to be anxious. A lot of your worry and angst about
the future either disappears or it lessens significantly.
It will help you be more in the moment and it helps you tap into the natural
form of happiness that life has to offer.
(03:01):
Big claims, I know, but I genuinely do believe in this principle so strongly.
So what is this principle that is so life changing? Well, before I reveal what
it is, and I know I'm teasing you a little bit here, I want to share a story
that the spiritual guru Eckhart Tolle likes to tell.
So if you've never heard of Eckhart Tolle before, I'd recommend you check out
(03:22):
his book, The Power of Now. It's fantastic.
I'll include a link to it in the show notes. But he tells a story about a time
when his neighbor appeared on his door in a panicked frenzy.
She was totally going off on one because her electricity had just been cut off.
So she was like oh this is terrible my electricity's just
being cut off and they say they won't be able to send anyone out
(03:43):
until you know next week so I'm going to have to sit in
the dark all night for the next couple of days as well I
won't be able to cook dinner and this is such a terrible thing and as she was
ranting and raving Eckhart Tolle he just stood there and looked at her he didn't
say a thing he was just present and she continued with this big monologue and
(04:04):
then again Eckhart Tolle Paul just stood there,
he just was present and he said nothing.
Then after about 15 minutes, she suddenly stopped and said, you know what?
None of this really matters, does it?
And Eckhart Tolle just looked at her, smiled and again didn't say a word.
So then the next day she came round to his house again and said,
(04:25):
look, I just wanted to thank you for yesterday.
I was in such a tizz and you really helped. I just wanted to ask,
what was it you said that made the difference?
And he said, I didn't say anything. I just listened with presence.
You're the one that made the discovery. And that leads us on nicely to this
number one principle that can make such a difference to our lives in so many different ways.
(04:49):
And the principle is this, that what we think is going on is never actually what is really going on.
That we do not respond to reality as human beings, we respond to our inner perception of reality.
And our inner perceptions aren't real, they're just ideas. years,
they are at very best approximations.
(05:10):
With the neighbour in Eckhart Tolle's story, she wasn't responding to the reality
of the situation, she was responding to her thoughts.
Look, if you lose your electricity for a couple of days, it's not particularly
nice, but there are ways around it, it's not a cataclysmic event.
But she wasn't responding to the reality, she was responding to the destructive
(05:31):
ideas inside her mind, and those Those were the things that were seriously affecting her well-being.
And the conversation that she had with Eckhart Tolle or the non-conversation
made her see the fallibility of her thinking.
It allowed her to see the illusionary nature of the ideas that she was running inside her mind.
And this for me is one of the most important learnings that we can make as human beings.
(05:55):
And you don't want to just get this intellectually either.
You want to fully internalize it. You want to feel it.
You want to recognize this as a fundamental truth
because when you do all of the nonsense in
life suddenly loses so much of its intensity you realize that when you experience
failures or you're going through a hard time or maybe you've had an argument
(06:20):
with your partner or your boss or you've maybe split up with your partner because
of an argument or you've had a bad day at work or whatever,
that the event itself, and this links back to those profound words that my parents
said, the event itself is almost always never as bad as it seems.
Underline the word seems. Now here's the thing I'm not suggesting that there
(06:44):
aren't real world problems and consequences.
Of course there are and some people's life situations are heartbreakingly difficult
but almost always we're making the situation way worse inside our minds through
a whole variety of different mechanisms.
That whenever something happens in life we tend to go through two different phases.
(07:05):
Phase number one is where we have the experience itself.
We're in it. We're not reacting to it. We're not responding.
We're simply just having the experience. We're in the present moment.
But phase number two is the reaction to the experience, what happens afterwards.
And so much of the pain that people experience, the stress, anxiety.
(07:28):
Worry, overwhelm, guilt, you name it, comes from this second bit, the reaction.
I remember reading somewhere about how animals deal with trauma.
So apparently what they do is, after some kind of bad event,
they go off to a secluded place in a forest or a wood or something like that,
and they just physically shake off the bad experience. They actually literally shake.
(07:52):
And then once they've done that, it's gone. They just then go about their business,
which sounds like a super cool way to deal with bad experiences.
But the thing is, with humans, we have the ability to keep this going,
potentially for a tremendously long time, years, sometimes even decades.
And the reason why is because we keep the reaction going through our thinking.
(08:14):
We keep on holding on to it.
So when you fully internalize the idea that you're just responding to perception,
it's just an idea, and that perception isn't real, it's just a bunch of ideas
about something, then the intensity of this reaction either lessens.
Or completely disappears because we see it for the illusion that it is.
(08:35):
So you're a busy person, you have a demanding job or a hectic lifestyle and
you've heard that meditation is a great way to reduce stress and create calm
within the chaos that is your life.
But you've tried meditation a few times maybe with an app or from a book or
a YouTube video and it's just not really worked for you and you've maybe jumped
(08:55):
to the conclusion that meditation meditation isn't for you.
Well, if that's the case, I just want to say that it's most likely not your fault.
A lot of the time when meditation doesn't really work that well,
it's because you're missing a couple of key steps.
And if you want to learn what those key steps are and some of the fundamentals
of meditation, then I have a free video training that you can enroll on.
(09:17):
If you want to check that out, I've included a link to it in the show notes
and all the information that you need.
So to give you a funny example of this I do like sharing funny examples so one
of the things I love to do is to dance so I do various different forms of Latin
dancing and one of them is Cuban style salsa.
So I started dancing Cuban style salsa about 13 years ago and I'd only been
(09:43):
dancing for around about six months but I already had a dance partner and I
thought I was way way way better than what I actually was.
I was definitely responding to perception and not reality.
And my dance partner phoned me up. So we're going back 13 years here.
And she said, Steve, Steve, you know, on Saturday, there's the Scottish beginners
salsa dancing competition in Edinburgh.
(10:05):
I think we should enter. I reckon we've got a really good chance to win.
So of course, I was grossly overestimating my dance ability at that time.
So I said, sure, let's go for it. I I think we've got a really good chance.
So then the Saturday came, we competed in this event and we came second. Round of applause.
(10:26):
Out of three. So technically we came second last, but I'm taking that runner's up silver medal.
But then the funny thing happened a few days later. So we went to the regular
dance class and by the way, one of the judges was also my dance teacher.
So maybe that result was a little bit tainted.
And then in the middle of the dance class, there was about 50 people in this lesson.
(10:48):
Our dance teacher, Chris, decided to make this big, huge announcement.
He was very good at promoting his dance business and he
said we're very lucky today to have the runners-up
of the Scottish salsa dancing competition Stephen and
Amy and we got this big round of applause we walked
into the middle of the circle and it was super super embarrassing but then about
(11:11):
two hours later I was at a dance social in the center of Glasgow and I walked
up and asked this lady to dance and all of a sudden I saw her complete state
shift and change and not for the better.
She suddenly got really nervous and began to
stumble and she looked at me and said I don't know if I can dance with you because
(11:33):
you're a champion and I found this hilarious but at the same time a little bit
disturbing because number one I wasn't very good at dancing at the time and
number two I didn't win I came second and I also came technically second last.
But here's the thing. This lady wasn't responding to reality at all, was she?
(11:53):
She was responding to her inner perception.
And that's the thing. Our inner perceptions are fallible.
They are at very best approximations and often very poor approximations at that.
So this is a light hearted example, but it's happening all the time,
every single second, every minute of every day.
And it often goes into overdrive whenever we have a bad experience.
(12:18):
So I'll just give you another example of this. So this is to do with the emotion of fear.
So fear is one of these emotions that we all experience as human beings,
but I think most people struggle with it from time to time.
So when I was 18, I was lucky enough to get
a job in the oil and gas industry it was a modern apprenticeship
and one of the things they did straight away i
(12:40):
think it was one of the best things i ever did with that company
was they took us up to the north of scotland as a group and we went on an outward
bound expedition so what that consisted of was we did lots of things we would
do hill walking we would climb trees we would jump in cold freezing rivers in
the middle of november and other things that that were actually quite fun.
(13:03):
And one of the things we did was something called a trapeze jump.
So a trapeze jump is where you had to climb up.
Big tall pole and you had
to stand on the top of this small platform you were
maybe around about 20 or 30 meters high so it's about 50 60 feet i'm not sure
of the conversion you were all harnessed in so you were completely safe but
(13:26):
you then had to jump off this platform and grab onto a trapeze so when i came
to do it so everybody else in the group had already done it and they had been successful.
So I had the disadvantage of potentially being the first person who was going to fail.
Now, also at that time, I had a pretty solid fear of heights.
(13:48):
So I was super nervous. In fact, nervous isn't the word. There was a few expletives
going on in my internal dialogue.
So as I was climbing up this pole, my legs were shaking.
They were all over the place. So the pole was literally moving back and forward.
I was so nervous. It was just a horrible experience.
(14:09):
But I was determined to do it. So I eventually made my way all the way up to
the top of the pole and I tentatively stepped onto the platform.
So I braced myself, I took a few deep breaths and I jumped off the platform
to try and grab onto the trapeze.
And I don't know if you can guess what happened. I completely missed the trapeze.
(14:31):
I was the first person to fail and all of my fellow colleagues were having a
right good laugh down below.
Your friends maybe are there to support your personal growth and development.
Mines were not. They're just a bunch of gits. But anyway, let's not go into that.
So because I failed to grab onto
the trapeze, the harness kicked in and I ended up suspended in midair.
(14:53):
And a really weird thing happened in that moment. All of a sudden,
I started to appreciate that the fear I was experiencing wasn't real because
I had a concrete example of going right through to the other side.
So afterwards, the instructor said, do you want a second go?
And of course, I wanted to redeem myself.
I wanted to make sure I was also successful at this. So I made my way up the pole the second time.
(15:17):
And you know what? The fear had completely gone.
It hadn't even just reduced. it wasn't even there anymore.
I wasn't afraid of heights, I wasn't afraid of failing in front of my friends
and I think the reason why was because I'd gone through the other side.
I had a concrete experience and I knew that was going to be okay.
(15:37):
That I saw the fear for the illusion that it was.
It was just a perception, it was just an idea inside my mind and I'm sure you've
heard the famous acronym that fear stands for false evidence appearing real.
I think that's absolutely true and most circumstances, but it's also true for
all of our other perceptions.
So how does this work in reality? Well, if you think about, for example,
(16:00):
your work environment, say you have a bad day at the office,
what we often do is we replay that bad day over and over again inside our minds
and it stresses us out and makes us feel bad.
But if you were to just stop for a moment and realise that you're not responding
to the bad events of the day anymore, they're gone, they're in the past.
(16:20):
You're responding to the pictures and movies inside your
mind all of a sudden it starts to weaken things it's
kind of like you've gone to see a really bad movie you've
hated it and then you've decided to see it several times again just to annoy
yourself and believe that what you're seeing is real it doesn't really make
sense but we kind of do it anyway but when we see the absurdity of this whole
(16:42):
thing then all of a sudden we start to see our perceptions for the illusions that they are.
Also if you experience worry. So worry tends to be when we feel anxious about something in the.
But what we're essentially doing is we're imagining bad things happening in
our future and then connecting with them and feeling bad ahead of time.
(17:05):
But again, when you think about it, how do you really know that those things
are true? You don't. It's just a perception.
It's just an idea of what could happen. Usually things like worry,
they're there for warnings, just to make you aware that something bad could happen.
So you should take action so that you move in the opposite direction.
Direction. Another example is with something like imposter syndrome.
(17:28):
I don't know if you know, by the way, but the person who created the term imposter
syndrome now absolutely hates the label.
And the reason why is because she says it's not a syndrome, it's just a way
of perceiving the world. And perceptions aren't accurate.
They can shift and they can change. I could go on and on with more examples,
but ultimately it affects everything that we do.
(17:49):
And when we fully embrace and and internalize this idea that we're responding
to perception, and those perceptions are at best approximations,
then all of a sudden it just takes the sting out of the bad experiences that we have.
So I want to finish off this podcast episode by sharing with you a quote from
the aforementioned Eckhart Tolle, and he said that the primary cause of unhappiness
(18:14):
is never the situation, but your thoughts about it. A great quote.
Of course, Eckhart Tolle also
said that he's lived with several Zen masters and all of them are cats.
But the less said about that quote, the better. So there you have it,
the number one mindfulness principle that you absolutely need in your life.
And if you want to check out Eckhart Tolle's excellent book,
(18:36):
The Power of Doubt, I'd strongly recommend you do.
I'll include details of it in the show notes.
So thank you so much for listening to this week's episode. if you enjoyed the
content I would love it if you could take the time to review it really does
help get the word out so thank you so much for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.
Fairly recently I experienced a major household disaster.
So I came home from visiting my son in the Netherlands and as soon as I walked
into my porch I knew something big was wrong.
So the first sign was this large gushing sound of water. It kind of sounded like a waterfall.
So I rushed downstairs. So I live in a split level house so you go downstairs
(00:23):
to the bedrooms And what I was met with can only be described as a scene of
destruction and devastation.
So one of my pipes had burst in my kitchen upstairs and the water had been pouring
through down through into the bedroom downstairs for at least a few days.
So my bedroom, my bathroom, my kitchen had all been completely destroyed.
(00:47):
The roof had fallen down and there was a river are practically flowing through my hallway downstairs.
So at the time, I started to totally freak out. I didn't know what I was going
to do. Where am I going to live?
All kinds of thoughts were going through my head. So what I did was I FaceTimed my parents.
They're usually very good in these situations. They're very calm.
(01:08):
And I talked the whole situation through with them. And at the end of the conversation,
they said something that was quite profound.
They said, said, you know what, this is nowhere near as bad as it seems.
And this sets us up nicely for the principle that we're going to be discussing
in this episode of the Stress Less Living podcast.
We're going to be talking about the number one mindfulness principle that you
(01:32):
absolutely need in your life.
Because here's the thing, the bad experiences of our life, the setbacks,
the struggles, the disappointments, whatever they are for you,
are almost always always nowhere near as bad as they seem.
But in order to appreciate that, we have to first embrace this principle that
we're going to be talking about in this episode.
Hey there and welcome to the Stress Less Living Podcast.
(01:55):
My name is Stephen Burns and I've been a practicing coach, trainer and hypnotherapist for 25 years.
Each week I'll share easily digestible bite-sized ideas that you can immediately
put into practice so that you can live a more more harmonious and balanced life.
On this podcast, you can expect mindset advice, strategies for dealing with
big modern day problems like stress, overwhelm, burnout, perfectionism and procrastination,
(02:19):
and also insights into tools like meditation and mindfulness.
So if you're looking for the perfect antidote for the chaos of modern life,
my friend, you are absolutely in the right place.
So let's get going, shall we? So in this episode, we're We're going to be taking
a look at the number one mindfulness principle that you absolutely need in your life.
(02:41):
When you internalize this principle, your stress levels will reduce.
You'll be a lot less likely to be anxious. A lot of your worry and angst about
the future either disappears or it lessens significantly.
It will help you be more in the moment and it helps you tap into the natural
form of happiness that life has to offer.
(03:01):
Big claims, I know, but I genuinely do believe in this principle so strongly.
So what is this principle that is so life changing? Well, before I reveal what
it is, and I know I'm teasing you a little bit here, I want to share a story
that the spiritual guru Eckhart Tolle likes to tell.
So if you've never heard of Eckhart Tolle before, I'd recommend you check out
(03:22):
his book, The Power of Now. It's fantastic.
I'll include a link to it in the show notes. But he tells a story about a time
when his neighbor appeared on his door in a panicked frenzy.
She was totally going off on one because her electricity had just been cut off.
So she was like oh this is terrible my electricity's just
being cut off and they say they won't be able to send anyone out
(03:43):
until you know next week so I'm going to have to sit in
the dark all night for the next couple of days as well I
won't be able to cook dinner and this is such a terrible thing and as she was
ranting and raving Eckhart Tolle he just stood there and looked at her he didn't
say a thing he was just present and she continued with this big monologue and
(04:04):
then again Eckhart Tolle Paul just stood there,
he just was present and he said nothing.
Then after about 15 minutes, she suddenly stopped and said, you know what?
None of this really matters, does it?
And Eckhart Tolle just looked at her, smiled and again didn't say a word.
So then the next day she came round to his house again and said,
(04:25):
look, I just wanted to thank you for yesterday.
I was in such a tizz and you really helped. I just wanted to ask,
what was it you said that made the difference?
And he said, I didn't say anything. I just listened with presence.
You're the one that made the discovery. And that leads us on nicely to this
number one principle that can make such a difference to our lives in so many different ways.
(04:49):
And the principle is this, that what we think is going on is never actually what is really going on.
That we do not respond to reality as human beings, we respond to our inner perception of reality.
And our inner perceptions aren't real, they're just ideas. years,
they are at very best approximations.
(05:10):
With the neighbour in Eckhart Tolle's story, she wasn't responding to the reality
of the situation, she was responding to her thoughts.
Look, if you lose your electricity for a couple of days, it's not particularly
nice, but there are ways around it, it's not a cataclysmic event.
But she wasn't responding to the reality, she was responding to the destructive
(05:31):
ideas inside her mind, and those Those were the things that were seriously affecting her well-being.
And the conversation that she had with Eckhart Tolle or the non-conversation
made her see the fallibility of her thinking.
It allowed her to see the illusionary nature of the ideas that she was running inside her mind.
And this for me is one of the most important learnings that we can make as human beings.
(05:55):
And you don't want to just get this intellectually either.
You want to fully internalize it. You want to feel it.
You want to recognize this as a fundamental truth
because when you do all of the nonsense in
life suddenly loses so much of its intensity you realize that when you experience
failures or you're going through a hard time or maybe you've had an argument
(06:20):
with your partner or your boss or you've maybe split up with your partner because
of an argument or you've had a bad day at work or whatever,
that the event itself, and this links back to those profound words that my parents
said, the event itself is almost always never as bad as it seems.
Underline the word seems. Now here's the thing I'm not suggesting that there
(06:44):
aren't real world problems and consequences.
Of course there are and some people's life situations are heartbreakingly difficult
but almost always we're making the situation way worse inside our minds through
a whole variety of different mechanisms.
That whenever something happens in life we tend to go through two different phases.
(07:05):
Phase number one is where we have the experience itself.
We're in it. We're not reacting to it. We're not responding.
We're simply just having the experience. We're in the present moment.
But phase number two is the reaction to the experience, what happens afterwards.
And so much of the pain that people experience, the stress, anxiety.
(07:28):
Worry, overwhelm, guilt, you name it, comes from this second bit, the reaction.
I remember reading somewhere about how animals deal with trauma.
So apparently what they do is, after some kind of bad event,
they go off to a secluded place in a forest or a wood or something like that,
and they just physically shake off the bad experience. They actually literally shake.
(07:52):
And then once they've done that, it's gone. They just then go about their business,
which sounds like a super cool way to deal with bad experiences.
But the thing is, with humans, we have the ability to keep this going,
potentially for a tremendously long time, years, sometimes even decades.
And the reason why is because we keep the reaction going through our thinking.
(08:14):
We keep on holding on to it.
So when you fully internalize the idea that you're just responding to perception,
it's just an idea, and that perception isn't real, it's just a bunch of ideas
about something, then the intensity of this reaction either lessens.
Or completely disappears because we see it for the illusion that it is.
(08:35):
So you're a busy person, you have a demanding job or a hectic lifestyle and
you've heard that meditation is a great way to reduce stress and create calm
within the chaos that is your life.
But you've tried meditation a few times maybe with an app or from a book or
a YouTube video and it's just not really worked for you and you've maybe jumped
(08:55):
to the conclusion that meditation meditation isn't for you.
Well, if that's the case, I just want to say that it's most likely not your fault.
A lot of the time when meditation doesn't really work that well,
it's because you're missing a couple of key steps.
And if you want to learn what those key steps are and some of the fundamentals
of meditation, then I have a free video training that you can enroll on.
(09:17):
If you want to check that out, I've included a link to it in the show notes
and all the information that you need.
So to give you a funny example of this I do like sharing funny examples so one
of the things I love to do is to dance so I do various different forms of Latin
dancing and one of them is Cuban style salsa.
So I started dancing Cuban style salsa about 13 years ago and I'd only been
(09:43):
dancing for around about six months but I already had a dance partner and I
thought I was way way way better than what I actually was.
I was definitely responding to perception and not reality.
And my dance partner phoned me up. So we're going back 13 years here.
And she said, Steve, Steve, you know, on Saturday, there's the Scottish beginners
salsa dancing competition in Edinburgh.
(10:05):
I think we should enter. I reckon we've got a really good chance to win.
So of course, I was grossly overestimating my dance ability at that time.
So I said, sure, let's go for it. I I think we've got a really good chance.
So then the Saturday came, we competed in this event and we came second. Round of applause.
(10:26):
Out of three. So technically we came second last, but I'm taking that runner's up silver medal.
But then the funny thing happened a few days later. So we went to the regular
dance class and by the way, one of the judges was also my dance teacher.
So maybe that result was a little bit tainted.
And then in the middle of the dance class, there was about 50 people in this lesson.
(10:48):
Our dance teacher, Chris, decided to make this big, huge announcement.
He was very good at promoting his dance business and he
said we're very lucky today to have the runners-up
of the Scottish salsa dancing competition Stephen and
Amy and we got this big round of applause we walked
into the middle of the circle and it was super super embarrassing but then about
(11:11):
two hours later I was at a dance social in the center of Glasgow and I walked
up and asked this lady to dance and all of a sudden I saw her complete state
shift and change and not for the better.
She suddenly got really nervous and began to
stumble and she looked at me and said I don't know if I can dance with you because
(11:33):
you're a champion and I found this hilarious but at the same time a little bit
disturbing because number one I wasn't very good at dancing at the time and
number two I didn't win I came second and I also came technically second last.
But here's the thing. This lady wasn't responding to reality at all, was she?
(11:53):
She was responding to her inner perception.
And that's the thing. Our inner perceptions are fallible.
They are at very best approximations and often very poor approximations at that.
So this is a light hearted example, but it's happening all the time,
every single second, every minute of every day.
And it often goes into overdrive whenever we have a bad experience.
(12:18):
So I'll just give you another example of this. So this is to do with the emotion of fear.
So fear is one of these emotions that we all experience as human beings,
but I think most people struggle with it from time to time.
So when I was 18, I was lucky enough to get
a job in the oil and gas industry it was a modern apprenticeship
and one of the things they did straight away i
(12:40):
think it was one of the best things i ever did with that company
was they took us up to the north of scotland as a group and we went on an outward
bound expedition so what that consisted of was we did lots of things we would
do hill walking we would climb trees we would jump in cold freezing rivers in
the middle of november and other things that that were actually quite fun.
(13:03):
And one of the things we did was something called a trapeze jump.
So a trapeze jump is where you had to climb up.
Big tall pole and you had
to stand on the top of this small platform you were
maybe around about 20 or 30 meters high so it's about 50 60 feet i'm not sure
of the conversion you were all harnessed in so you were completely safe but
(13:26):
you then had to jump off this platform and grab onto a trapeze so when i came
to do it so everybody else in the group had already done it and they had been successful.
So I had the disadvantage of potentially being the first person who was going to fail.
Now, also at that time, I had a pretty solid fear of heights.
(13:48):
So I was super nervous. In fact, nervous isn't the word. There was a few expletives
going on in my internal dialogue.
So as I was climbing up this pole, my legs were shaking.
They were all over the place. So the pole was literally moving back and forward.
I was so nervous. It was just a horrible experience.
(14:09):
But I was determined to do it. So I eventually made my way all the way up to
the top of the pole and I tentatively stepped onto the platform.
So I braced myself, I took a few deep breaths and I jumped off the platform
to try and grab onto the trapeze.
And I don't know if you can guess what happened. I completely missed the trapeze.
(14:31):
I was the first person to fail and all of my fellow colleagues were having a
right good laugh down below.
Your friends maybe are there to support your personal growth and development.
Mines were not. They're just a bunch of gits. But anyway, let's not go into that.
So because I failed to grab onto
the trapeze, the harness kicked in and I ended up suspended in midair.
(14:53):
And a really weird thing happened in that moment. All of a sudden,
I started to appreciate that the fear I was experiencing wasn't real because
I had a concrete example of going right through to the other side.
So afterwards, the instructor said, do you want a second go?
And of course, I wanted to redeem myself.
I wanted to make sure I was also successful at this. So I made my way up the pole the second time.
(15:17):
And you know what? The fear had completely gone.
It hadn't even just reduced. it wasn't even there anymore.
I wasn't afraid of heights, I wasn't afraid of failing in front of my friends
and I think the reason why was because I'd gone through the other side.
I had a concrete experience and I knew that was going to be okay.
(15:37):
That I saw the fear for the illusion that it was.
It was just a perception, it was just an idea inside my mind and I'm sure you've
heard the famous acronym that fear stands for false evidence appearing real.
I think that's absolutely true and most circumstances, but it's also true for
all of our other perceptions.
So how does this work in reality? Well, if you think about, for example,
(16:00):
your work environment, say you have a bad day at the office,
what we often do is we replay that bad day over and over again inside our minds
and it stresses us out and makes us feel bad.
But if you were to just stop for a moment and realise that you're not responding
to the bad events of the day anymore, they're gone, they're in the past.
(16:20):
You're responding to the pictures and movies inside your
mind all of a sudden it starts to weaken things it's
kind of like you've gone to see a really bad movie you've
hated it and then you've decided to see it several times again just to annoy
yourself and believe that what you're seeing is real it doesn't really make
sense but we kind of do it anyway but when we see the absurdity of this whole
(16:42):
thing then all of a sudden we start to see our perceptions for the illusions that they are.
Also if you experience worry. So worry tends to be when we feel anxious about something in the.
But what we're essentially doing is we're imagining bad things happening in
our future and then connecting with them and feeling bad ahead of time.
(17:05):
But again, when you think about it, how do you really know that those things
are true? You don't. It's just a perception.
It's just an idea of what could happen. Usually things like worry,
they're there for warnings, just to make you aware that something bad could happen.
So you should take action so that you move in the opposite direction.
Direction. Another example is with something like imposter syndrome.
(17:28):
I don't know if you know, by the way, but the person who created the term imposter
syndrome now absolutely hates the label.
And the reason why is because she says it's not a syndrome, it's just a way
of perceiving the world. And perceptions aren't accurate.
They can shift and they can change. I could go on and on with more examples,
but ultimately it affects everything that we do.
(17:49):
And when we fully embrace and and internalize this idea that we're responding
to perception, and those perceptions are at best approximations,
then all of a sudden it just takes the sting out of the bad experiences that we have.
So I want to finish off this podcast episode by sharing with you a quote from
the aforementioned Eckhart Tolle, and he said that the primary cause of unhappiness
(18:14):
is never the situation, but your thoughts about it. A great quote.
Of course, Eckhart Tolle also
said that he's lived with several Zen masters and all of them are cats.
But the less said about that quote, the better. So there you have it,
the number one mindfulness principle that you absolutely need in your life.
And if you want to check out Eckhart Tolle's excellent book,
(18:36):
The Power of Doubt, I'd strongly recommend you do.
I'll include details of it in the show notes.
So thank you so much for listening to this week's episode. if you enjoyed the
content I would love it if you could take the time to review it really does
help get the word out so thank you so much for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.
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