March 16, 2024 • 48 mins
In this transformative episode of The Midlife Makeover Show, we tackle a topic that's both personal and prevalent: the journey to an alcohol-free life. Our host, Wendy Valentine, is joined by the inspiring Teri Patterson, a functional nutritionist and a Senior Coach with This Naked Mind, who has turned her passion for sobriety into a thriving practice as the Sober Nutritionist.
Teri shares her own story of how alcohol, once a social lubricant, became a daily habit that clouded her life and relationships. She opens up about the whispers of the soul that signaled a need for change and her decision to fire alcohol from the many roles it had taken on in her life. Her tale is one of awakening, from recognizing the need to stop drinking to the profound impact sobriety has had on her personal and professional growth.
Dive into the four steps to changing your relationship with alcohol as Teri teaches us about commitment, courage, capability, and confidence. This episode is for anyone who has felt the nudge to live a bigger, bolder, and more authentic life without the influence of alcohol. Whether you've struggled with moderation or are simply curious about the benefits of an alcohol-free lifestyle, Teri's insights offer a fresh perspective on sobriety as an empowering choice.
Beyond her personal narrative, Teri also discusses the unique challenges and opportunities that arise in midlife, from navigating empty nests and changing careers to dealing with the physical and emotional shifts of menopause. Her message is clear: it's never too late to rediscover who you are and what truly brings you joy, without the haze of alcohol.
Join us as we explore the power of curiosity, the importance of listening to your inner voice, and the transformative potential of an alcohol-free life. It's time to step into true wellness, find your sober edge, and embrace the life you're meant to live.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Teri Patterson (00:00):
What if my marriage, this is what my partner and I do
together? My partner says, this is your journey. I'm not going to
stop drinking, or I don't like the fact that you're not drinking,
or my partner pressures me to drink. And
so we have to understand that
no matter what happens in this journey, the
person who's going to be with you at the end of that journey
(00:20):
is you.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:21):
Hey, midlifers. Welcome to the midlife makeover
show.
Go.
Are you ready to break free from your mundane
midlife? Are you feeling trapped in a vicious cycle
of rinse and repeat days? No matter if you're
experiencing a divorce, hangover job,
burnout, or you just have the midlife blues,
I got you. Hey, I'm Wendy,
(00:41):
your hostess of the midlife mostest. I, too,
was hit by midlife like a freight train. I, too,
felt stuck in the same dull chapter. I
wanted the clarity of how to create a new life beyond
divorce and the courage to leave an
unfulfilling career. But I kept telling myself
that I wasn't worthy, and it was just easier to stay
in my comfort zone until I found a little
(01:04):
secret. The freedom to live my life
my way. In this podcast, you will
learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife mind and
body, how to create solid relationships through
love and loss, and how to create an
awesome second half of life. Grab your
grande late pop in your earbuds and let's
get this midlife party started.
(01:28):
Are there sights, sounds, or smells that remind you
of a past traumatic event causing you to
fight, flight, or freeze? These physical
and emotional responses are called triggers, and
they happen to all of us. Triggers can be
tricky, but the key is to stop the trigger in its
tracks and turn the trigger into a
treasure. Just like Dr. Nicole Lapara
(01:51):
said, there's nothing negative about being triggered.
It's a calling to heal our wounds.
To help you heal those wounds, I created a
free download called the trigger to treasure
technique, where you will learn the four steps on how
to identify your triggers, how to control your
triggers, and how you can move past your past
so you can live peacefully in the present
(02:13):
moment. Please go to
forward slash trigger to receive your
free download, and you can begin to turn your
triggers into treasures.
Welcome back to the midlife Makeover show. I'm Wendy
Valentine, and today's episode will be quite
sobering. Literally.
(02:36):
Because today we are talking about
you living a big,
beautiful, bold, alcohol free
life. If you ever get those little
whispers from your soul that alcohol is affecting
your health, your relationship with others, the
relationship with yourself or that
very loud whisper that says
(02:58):
alcohol is getting in the way of you
living your best life, then you need to listen
up. And if you've tried to stop drinking in
the past and found it too difficult to make
the changes, then you definitely need to listen
up. Listen to those little whispers from
your soul, and listen to today's episode.
(03:19):
My hope is that this episode will help you
uncover the commitment, courage,
capability, and confidence that resides
deep within you. To start your journey to living
an alcohol free life, our guest
expert, Terry Patterson, is going to
teach you the four steps to change your relationship
(03:39):
with alcohol. Terry is a functional
nutritionist and a, This naked
mind. I like how that sounds.
Senior coach Terry blends her knowledge of
nutrition with her passion for living an
alcohol free life into a unique business
as the sober nutritionist. Since
(04:00):
becoming a sober, mindful drinking coach in
2019, Terry has helped thousands of
people take a break from drinking and create
true wellness. Terry is excited to
expand her mission of helping people discover true
wellness to include her signature program, the
self experience, exclusively for
(04:20):
women who have stopped drinking and are ready
to start living. Terry is also
the host of the popular podcast the Sober
Edge. I love that name. It's really good
inspiration for alcohol free living. And
Terry, by the way, won the Hula Hoop
championship of, Fisher Junior High School,
(04:40):
7th grade.
>> Teri Patterson (04:42):
Oh, my gosh, that's so fun. I'm so glad you have that
interesting fact that not very many people
know.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:49):
Yeah, it's so funny. I saw that on your Instagram right before we
started. I was like, oh, my gosh. I was like, I love hula
hooping. Love it.
Yeah.
Welcome to the show, my fellow.
>> Teri Patterson (05:00):
well, hula hooping looks very different now because back
when I did it, they didn't do, like, seven hula hoops at
a time. And they weren't weighted.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:08):
No, exactly. I know. They were like, the light ones
you'd find at Target.
Yes.
Or Kmart, I guess back then we didn't have target
yet.
>> Teri Patterson (05:16):
Not yet.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:17):
Yeah. So welcome to the show, and I'm
so glad you're bringing your wisdom to all of us
today. So many of us need it.
>> Teri Patterson (05:26):
Thank you. Yeah, it's really a passion for me to
talk about true wellness and
living without alcohol, you know,
too.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:34):
I was just thinking about this. I'm glad
that this whole topic has evolved
because it used to be such a dark subject
that nobody would talk about unless it was like, you
go to a little meeting by yourself and,
it's like a scary thing, and you were kind of like
left literally all on your own
(05:55):
sometimes. And now there's so much
light on this topic that it's not
so unusual anymore to
embark on the journey of sobriety. Right.
>> Teri Patterson (06:06):
Yeah. We've really brought it out of, like you said, the dark
ages. And there is another way
to approach this, and it looks very
different than a traditional.
What our culture sort of tells us that we hit
rock bottom. We have a problem. it's
a dark place, and for me, it
(06:26):
just wasn't like that.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:28):
Yes.
>> Teri Patterson (06:28):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:29):
Like as if you're broken or something.
>> Teri Patterson (06:31):
Yeah. There's nothing to fix. It's a choice.
It's an empowered choice.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:36):
Yeah.
So tell us about your story. tell us about
your breakdown. To breakthrough story.
>> Teri Patterson (06:43):
Yeah. So I love that. For me,
I didn't hit a rock bottom. I was like
most people in my life, drinking. I started out
drinking socially. it was a lot of fun. When my
husband and I were first married, we would go
wine tasting. My parents lived in the Napa
Valley. My dad became an amateur
winemaker. And it was all
(07:05):
fun and games, literally. and then
as I got older, and this is really
true with a lot of women, kind of that
place between
the, where things
are starting to get kind of intense. We've got
our kids, we've got teenagers
where our career might be going
(07:28):
in directions that are eating up a lot of time.
We've taken the eye off our relationship with
our spouse, perhaps, and so that feels a
little tenuous. And so there's so many
moving parts. And then alcohol
starts to show up in ways that are
more than just the social night out
(07:48):
or the girls book club. And for
me, it looked like starting to
drink every day, and it was a glass of wine with cooking
dinner, and then it was maybe a cocktail. And then
my husband and I moved to the country when
I was 40 and
I didn't work, and,
(08:09):
I was home with my kids and it felt like I was on vacation.
I was in a new place and drinking kind of
ramped up and we had new friends, so we were
throwing big.
You know, there was that exactly what you said in the intro,
Wendy. That still small voice in the back
of my head saying, like, why do you
(08:29):
have to drink every, like, you
should take a break. And so I started a long
road of moderating,
and that was like cutting back. Only
drinking wine during the week and cocktails on the
weekend, only drinking one glass, not
drinking. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
(08:49):
And that was very
tiring when you have a voice in
your head all the time that you're negotiating with.
Can I drink tonight? What did I drink last night? How much
did I drink? Did I drink too much? How does this
feel? It takes up a lot of space in
your head.
>> Wendy Valentine (09:09):
Like this voice that you're negotiating with. And, then
probably on the days that you weren't drinking, then you were probably
like, okay, you were negotiating even more on those days.
And like you said, it takes up energy, it takes
up space, in your mind, right. It's
exhausting.
Yes.
>> Teri Patterson (09:25):
And I had a coach friend that she
stated it, like, we give alcohol a lot of different
hats, so, like, I feel bored.
Oh, let's have a drink. I feel happy. Let's
have a drink. I'm going out. Let's have a drink.
I'm stressed. Let's have a drink. I'm m not around
to be able to sleep. Let's have a drink.
That's a lot of jobs we give to alcohol. And so I
(09:47):
decided that I needed to fire alcohol.
Needed to fire alcohol from all the jobs I had
given it. And for me, that looked like
getting to a place where that still, small
voice started tapping on my shoulder.
And then it started kind of parking on my shoulder.
Like, it just didn't go away. It sat there with its arms crossed and was
(10:08):
like, pay attention.
And I realized that I was
miserable. Drinking.
Just wasn't fun anymore. Even the times I drink for
fun weren't fun. And it was like, what are
you doing?
>> Wendy Valentine (10:24):
It just becomes like this mindless thing that you're
doing, and it's, unconscious. You're just like,
oh, okay.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (10:33):
And we forget that. It does have
such addictive properties. So
the part for me that was really eye opening was when I
tried to take a break and I couldn't.
And I wasn't one of those people who, well, I
shouldn't say that I was what I call a wellness
enthusiast. I wasn't a wellness professional, but I would
do all the things, and yet
(10:56):
I didn't remove alcohol. I would do these
30 day, cleanses and help people go
on kind of these, elimination diets for 30
days. And I wouldn't drink alcohol. But, boy,
day 31, I was like, couldn't
wait to get back to the races.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:12):
That was like, your goal, was that?
Yes.
>> Teri Patterson (11:15):
And I realized that I was planning, if I was going to take
30 days off or lead a group, I would look at my
calendar and be like, well, I can't do it. Then we have a wedding,
or I can't do it, then we're going on vacation. And
now it seems ludicrous, but at the time,
my life really revolved
around drinking.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:33):
Yeah. It controlled everything.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (11:37):
So I woke up one day and I told my husband,
I'm going to stop drinking and I might need
to go to meetings. And this was in 2015,
so at the time, there really wasn't
that I was aware of. There's not like the
online programs that there are now. There's not like the
support, there's not like the alternative
(11:57):
places. And so I was really kind of
terrified to think of walking into
a church basement, basically identifying as an
alcoholic and having to run my
life. As much as I was thinking about alcohol,
I didn't want to live a life, Wendy, where I was
thinking that much about not drinking.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:17):
Yes.
Right. And that you had that label placed
on.
>> Teri Patterson (12:22):
Yeah, yeah. Because for
just. So what I did was I stopped
drinking and I told people right away, I'm not
drinking anymore. And if people asked me, I
said it just wasn't serving me.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:35):
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (12:36):
And it was really true.
And so I never drank again. And that was in
October of 2015. And
I didn't go to any meetings. I didn't have a coach, I didn't
do anything around support.
But one thing that happened in my breakthrough
was that I took that
wellness enthusiast part and I decided to
(12:58):
become a wellness professional. So the
universe delivered, on January
1 of 2016,
an, invitation in the form of an article on the
front page of our local newspaper. I live in a small
town, and there was a woman, and she was opening
a little wellness business, and she was a
nutritionist. And I started reading about
(13:19):
her story, and I was really focused
on where she went to school. So I called her up.
This is 2016, right?
>> Wendy Valentine (13:27):
I called her up three months
after you stopped drinking.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (13:32):
And I said, tell me about this program that you went to,
this nutrition school, and it's called
nutritional therapy association. And she said,
you should absolutely do it. I'll be your mentor.
And so I did. And I didn't realize
at the time, but it was really powerful to have something
that I, was looking forward to. Something
(13:53):
to focus on, something to put my energy in, something
really positive was going to come out of this
place where I had felt lost.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:01):
Yeah. Something to replace that
and even better. Right.
It's amazing though, too, how things will line up. Like what a
synchronistic moment, though.
>> Teri Patterson (14:12):
Oh, yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:12):
What if that had not happened?
You probably still would have kept on your
pathway.
But it wouldn't be what it is today.
Where do you think you would be if you had not made that decision in
October of 2015?
>> Teri Patterson (14:28):
Oh, I think I would have struggled
for a while longer. I think I would
have become maybe a little bit more cynical
and bitter and negative, which
is not my natural personality. And I think I would
have eventually come out of it. I really do, because I
think I would have recognized this conversation that's
(14:48):
happening now.
And felt drawn into that.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:52):
Yeah. And probably those whispers
would have turned into screams.
Yeah, I guess that's the point. You
don't want it to get to that.
You're getting the whispers and you need to listen to
it.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (15:07):
If you can move when you're getting that sense
of
questioning, and we like to say it, you hear
it sometimes in these alcohol freedom circles
that the question is not,
am I drinking too much? The question is,
is alcohol adding anything to my life?
(15:28):
And that's a really powerful question to say because
you don't need to have a reason to stop drinking other
than you want to.
>> Wendy Valentine (15:37):
Yeah.
And I think that's also an old way of thinking, too, with
that is that you had to be, like, drinking
out of a paper bag and hanging out on the
sit in front of 711 or something. But that's not
the case.
No. Yeah.
I mean, really, it's like with anything in life, if it's not
serving you, then got to let it
(15:57):
go.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (16:01):
Most people were very supportive. I didn't really have people.
I looked at my group of friends and thought, I probably drink more than most
of them. They're going to be fine with me not
drinking. I didn't think I would be boring, and
I thought they would be boring.
drunk people are boring unless you're drinking
because they repeat the stories and they're, like,
(16:21):
sloppy, and you can't understand them, and they're loud,
and there was some of that. But the one
person that sort of surprised me was my mother. And
she told me, she said, I don't understand why you
stopped drinking. You didn't have a problem. And I
said, but it was a problem for me.
>> Wendy Valentine (16:38):
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (16:39):
And so I finally told her. She
just couldn't really wrap her brain around
it. What's that?
>> Wendy Valentine (16:48):
Go ahead.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (16:49):
So I didn't tell her what I told my husband, like, my brain is
thinking about drinking all the time. But what I did tell
her was my dad had been a smoker early in their marriage,
and she despised that
habit. So I said, mom, what if I was a
smoker and I told you I was going to stop smoking. She goes, oh,
I'd be so excited for you. Like, that'd be the best thing. I
(17:09):
said, okay, I want you to feel that way for
me about not drinking because that's how I
feel.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:16):
Right? Yeah. That's crazy.
It's amazing the perception that a lot of
us will have around that.
What was your greatest fear when
you decided to stop drinking?
>> Teri Patterson (17:31):
I'll answer that in two parts because, I had a fear, but
then something came up that was like,
uhoh. And that was sort of a secondary
thing. But the first thing was really, I think it was really
just that I would be miserable, not drinking. I was
miserable drinking and I thought, what am I, miserable not
drinking? M and so I didn't know. I think
the biggest fear was, I think about it as
(17:53):
a trust fall m or a
leap. So you've got to take this
leap and you don't know what life's going to
look like on the other side. And you can't really
describe it to someone. You can tell
them your experience, but our brain doesn't
know we know that. Our brain likes to prove
itself, right. It likes to take memories from the
(18:15):
past and make them meaning out of them.
And so when we ask our brain to go into the
future and imagine this amazing life
and we have no framework,
our brain just says, you're probably going to be
miserable.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:32):
And you're definitely not miserable.
>> Teri Patterson (18:35):
No, definitely not miserable. It's been amazing.
it's been absolutely amazing. My life looks so
different.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:41):
Yeah. What are some benefits that came
out of it? Whether it was in the very beginning or
if they revealed themselves later on.
>> Teri Patterson (18:50):
Yeah. So one is that I believe
that when we're drinking and over drinking,
we're dialing down that intuition.
Because we don't trust ourself. Our, no doesn't mean no. Our
yes doesn't mean yes. We wake up in the morning, I'm not going to
drink tonight, and then we drink
and then we turn down that intuition a little
bit. So for me, getting back in touch with
(19:12):
my intuition was a huge plus.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:16):
Yeah, it clouds your thinking.
>> Teri Patterson (19:18):
Yeah. And along with that comes trusting
myself more. So trusting myself to take
a big risk and go to nutrition school, start a
business, and then start
putting myself out there and offering nutrition
services and building a
business, going online, figuring all this out. I was
55 when I stopped drinking. Wow.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:41):
And look.
What?
Gosh, it's amazing. You're like the little guinea pig
that.
>> Teri Patterson (19:45):
Yeah, exactly.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:47):
Your own little experiment right.
>> Teri Patterson (19:51):
And I think of how I was playing small, but
I knew something, m the
inside was telling me, like, this is
not how you're meant to live your life. But I
didn't know that breaking free from
alcohol would be the beginning of this
transformation.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:08):
Yeah. And sometimes that can be an excuse for others
so that they can keep playing small.
If somebody got the invitation, like, here you go, you can
really shine your light into the world, would they actually
take that invitation? Would they go like,
no, I'll just stay small. Thank you.
>> Teri Patterson (20:25):
It's very scary for a lot of people. And for
me, so many things happened that
felt inspiring
and started connecting with people in
new ways. Relationships really shift
because when we change, the people
around us are going to have a new response.
And for me, it looked like being more authentic in
(20:47):
my relationship, better communication.
My spouse, my husband stopped drinking two years after
I stopped. And so the way that
connect. Yeah, the way that we connect is very different
than all those years when we were drinking.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:01):
And here he had a winery, too.
>> Teri Patterson (21:04):
No, my dad. And not a
winery. My dad and mom lived in the Napa valley,
and my dad was an amateur winemaker.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:12):
Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. But, yeah, that's.
Wow.
So fascinating.
So let's talk about, the four C's
there for changing your relationship with
alcohol.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (21:24):
So, this is a framework that comes from
a man named Dan Sullivan, who's also a coach.
but he talks about how
confidence comes last. And what I
realized is, know, we think
we have to have confidence in order to take this leap
or to do the trust fall. Right. But
actually, it's so empowering to think
(21:46):
that we do not need confidence.
So we have this framework that really, I
think is really helpful when it comes to changing our
relationship with alcohol. but it works in all areas of
life. we start with commitment.
And to me, the word that I choose to use
is intention. Like, what do
(22:07):
I want to have happen? What am I open to
creating what is possible here?
And when we make that commitment, to
explore, to get curious,
to suspend judgment, to
try to experiment, that's
a beautiful place to start. And out of
(22:27):
that commitment, the second thing that happens is we
have to have courage, because
as long as we're in our comfort zone, the next step
out of our comfort zone is courage. And so
we have to be willing to take that commitment
and act on it.
And so if you're in this place of, like,
(22:47):
I want to explore living without alcohol, I want to
explore true wellness as I would call it, I want to see
what it looks like. the courage step might
look like telling someone.
The courage step might look like
joining a group that is alcohol free.
The courage might look like getting
(23:07):
all the alcohol out of the house. It's going to look
different for each person, and
the next thing that happens is that capability, which
is really the practice. This is where we have to
build the reps. We don't
do one thing one time and
develop confidence. We do it again and we fail
or we try or we experiment or we explore and we
(23:30):
shift and we pivot and we keep going. We
practice, practice, practice, and with enough
reps, we become
confident.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:39):
Yeah. So
good. I love that.
>> Teri Patterson (23:44):
I know.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:44):
I was just thinking too, like, with courage, even when I started off
in my journey and taken off in the RV,
and it's like I was
scared. And even starting my
podcast, doing all of this stuff, and I still
get scared, but I'll leap. And then
once I take that leap, then I gain
even more courage. And I think it's just
(24:07):
like the saying is leap and the net will appear.
It's like you're the net. You're the one that will
catch yourself. You have to start trusting yourself that you can
do that. And I think
that a lot of times, myself included, for so many years,
I would look outside of myself for those
things, for that net.
But then when I started, like, wait a minute, maybe I'm the
(24:29):
one that can actually take care of me.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (24:33):
And that happens in the alcohol free journey, too, I think,
Wendy, is that a lot of people. So I work
predominantly with women who are really
feeling stuck. They've maybe, like me, had decades of
drinking, and they've been trying to break up with alcohol for
a while and things are getting in the way,
circumstances, thoughts. And
they're really, stuck in this place
(24:55):
where they're not
trusting that they
will be enough because people will say, well,
what if I lose all my friends? And it's like,
yes, no, you may. But friendships will
shift and change. Not every relationship
is going to last through this choice that
(25:15):
you're making, but it's not a foregone
conclusion that you're going to lose everybody.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:21):
Right?
>> Teri Patterson (25:22):
And so then the other thing is people say, well, what
if my marriage, this is what my partner and I do
together? My partner says, this is your journey. I'm not going to
stop drinking, or, I don't like the fact that you're not drinking,
or my partner pressures me to drink. And
so we have to understand that
no matter what happens in this journey, the
(25:42):
person who's going to be with you at the end of that journey
is you.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:46):
Yes.
>> Teri Patterson (25:48):
It's the only guarantee you have, because.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:50):
You can't control what other people are going to think or say or
do.
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(26:12):
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>> Teri Patterson (27:12):
And usually, it's not nearly as horrendous as we
imagine. We tend to go out and create
these monsters in the future.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:21):
It's just like you were saying with your mom, right?
And that, was her level of
thinking about it. Was anything against you
personally? Yeah, right?
>> Teri Patterson (27:34):
Ah, yeah, it was fascinating. And so I
tell that story to clients from time to time, if it's helpful,
because it's like
you can be you and authentically you
and allow people time to
accept and explore and be in relationship with
you and not assume it's all
going to fall apart or you're doing something wrong or you have
(27:56):
to change. Becoming
alcohol free, you will hear
across the board, like, I'm in a lot of free groups,
and if you go in and people are talking about, I just reached 60
days, or it's two years today,
and if they go into what has
changed for them, almost universally,
(28:17):
it is, I'm
more confident, I trust myself, my
relationships are better, I'm happier, I'm
more fulfilled. I have better
thinking. I'm not beating myself up all the time.
I like to remind people that if we could
shame and blame ourselves into change, we
(28:37):
wouldn't need Wendy and we wouldn't need Terry. But it
doesn't work that way. And so we have to let
go of beating ourselves up and come to a place
of compassion,
curiosity, grace, and just
explore. Like I said earlier,
what would life look like without alcohol?
Is it really adding something to my life as
(28:59):
opposed to the dark
story that culture wants to tell us that,
you have a disease and you're always going to be
fixated on being in
recovery. And it's my story and it's
not something that I see for my clients.
>> Wendy Valentine (29:16):
Yeah, exactly.
So I noticed you have tons of great
programs, by the way. I know you, but,
one of them is for women
over 50, which is great. stop
drinking in your fifty s and beyond, designed for
midlife women to rediscover who you are
without wine. And,
(29:38):
I had made some other notes on here from your website
because I was wondering, I was like, is it a lot
more challenging in your forty s and fifty s? And like,
you made the point earlier, there's a lot of things going
on at midlife.
Kids are leaving the nest, relationships are
changing, career might be changing. Right.
(29:59):
And then also you add in perimenopause,
menopause, you've got all of those health changes that
are happening in your body, whether you like it or not.
And so a lot of that, the chemistry in your
body is changing.
>> Teri Patterson (30:11):
Oh, yeah. And alcohol, as
we age, it's harder to metabolize
alcohol. And so it shows
up in new ways. And also we build a tolerance for
alcohol over time. So if we started drinking
in our 20s or 30s or in our teens, like many
of my clients, by the time you're in your late
40s, early 50s, it's had a lot of
(30:34):
impact.
>> Wendy Valentine (30:35):
Yeah.
Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
and then you had said on here, as I got older, I noticed it was harder
to bounce back from over drinking. I
noticed I was no longer drinking to have fun. In fact, I was
drinking more and enjoying it less. Drinking
became me time, and I found myself more
isolated because I was too exhausted to make the
(30:55):
effort. That's interesting, too, because
where before it was like, okay, you're drinking because you're
socializing, and then you end up becoming kind of
like antisocial.
>> Teri Patterson (31:06):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:08):
And then I started to worry about my drinking, so I
tried to moderate. It was scary when I realized how
hard it was to cut back.
And then no one thought I had a problem, but I knew I
was miserable. And I think it just like it goes back to
what's important to you.
What makes you happy? Like, anything.
Like what makes you happy. If it doesn't make you
(31:30):
happy, then you have to. I mean, I always
say we're usually the ones that are standing in our own
way. We have to get out of our way to actually live the
life that we want to live. We have to listen to those
whispers. Like those whispers are there for a reason.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (31:46):
And I find that alcohol
is really just the symptom. And
so when I work with people with
alcohol, my nephew was curious about,
we were talking this summer, and he's like, so do you
just get on a call and talk about
drinking? And I say, almost never. It's like
the drinking is like going on, maybe in the
(32:08):
background, or they've recently stopped drinking, but what we're
really focusing on is how do we create a
life we don't want to escape from?
>> Wendy Valentine (32:16):
Yes.
>> Teri Patterson (32:17):
And that is so interesting
because as we focus
on building this big, beautiful life,
the alcohol piece just gets smaller and
smaller and less important. And that
is the beauty of living alcohol
free.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:33):
Yeah. It's like the saying, where your attention goes
is where energy flows. Right.
>> Teri Patterson (32:38):
I say that all the time. I love that. Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:41):
If you're focusing on that, then that's getting all the
attention.
Yeah.
Focusing your mind, like for you. You
started that whole program in January and that
became your new focus.
Yeah.
So really it's like helping someone to
focus their energies on something else, something that
excites them.
>> Teri Patterson (33:02):
One of the things that I, ah, hear so often
is, well, I don't know what to do with all this
time. And it's like, yeah, because you've been
numbing out and you've been drinking. Just sort of
fills up a lot of time because things slow down and
you pitter patter around or
you sit on the couch and waste time and all
of a sudden it's the end of your day. You get more tired as you're
(33:25):
drinking. You, might get a little energy in the beginning, but
alcohol is both a depressant and a stimulant.
So you have this weird dynamic. And
so here we are. And that was my thing when
I stopped drinking. I had so much time and energy, I was like
bouncing off the walls. Thank goodness.
I remember my husband even saying kind of tongue in cheek,
(33:45):
but he said, you should just have a glass of wine and calm down.
And I was like, not going to do that. Got to figure out
something else.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:53):
Did you happen to have any health issues that were
resolved when you stopped drinking?
>> Teri Patterson (33:58):
my gut was the main thing that I really
noticed. So it was interesting when I went to nutrition school,
two things. First, I thought nobody there would be drinking
because they would know better.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:09):
Not true.
>> Teri Patterson (34:11):
They were just drinking low sulfite wine or tequila because
it had no sugar. And I was like,
okay. And then what
I noticed too, because it was an alternative school, it
wasn't like western medicine. It's,
really working on digestion and
other factors, lifestyle. And so what was
(34:32):
happening was almost every
other student had an authentic
healing story. Like, I came to this
nutrition work because had Lyme disease and no one could
help me. Or I came to this nutrition work because my
family has a history of.
High, ah, blood pressure, and I want to control that. Or I
(34:53):
healed my son from something through nutrition, but
that was not me. And so it was
really interesting. I noticed that my gut got much
better. Like, I stopped having, I used to think, oh, I just can't
eat rich food. But it was because I was drinking while
eating. And then alcohol
metabolizes before food. So the food
was hanging around in my gut, creating all kinds of
(35:16):
stuff. But when I became an
alcohol freedom coach, I thought, oh,
this is that full circle moment. This is my
authentic story of healing.
>> Wendy Valentine (35:27):
Yeah, how cool.
And really it's like applying all of that to that, the
nutrition and living a better life for
yourself.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (35:36):
And I really do think I find so many people
once we take alcohol
out and we're like, oh my gosh, I feel
good, I'm excited about life again. The next
thing most people look at is getting
healthier.
>> Wendy Valentine (35:51):
Yes.
>> Teri Patterson (35:52):
And it's a perfect time to do it.
>> Wendy Valentine (35:55):
Yeah, you're cutting that noise, the noise
of drinking.
>> Teri Patterson (35:59):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (35:59):
So once you can get quieter and get still, then
you're like, okay, now it's just taking that first
step.
Speaking, of the four c's, what did you struggle with the
most? And what do you feel like most people struggle
with the most?
>> Teri Patterson (36:17):
For me, I think
I made that commitment early.
Mean, it was hard in the like. Until I made that
commitment, I didn't have any wind in my
sails.
So I think for me, once I made that,
it made it so much easier. So
Gretchen Rubin has a framework, the
(36:39):
four tendencies that I love. And I have all my clients take that
quiz because we just need to know how
we internalize making changes.
And so I'm an upholder. And so for
me, I needed to,
have that absolute
say no forever because it was so much easier to say
(37:00):
no than to say, well, maybe because,
maybe was all the noise. And so once I made
the commitment, the rest followed much
easier.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:11):
Basically, before you had 1ft over here and
1ft over there where you needed to have both
feet on one side or the other.
>> Teri Patterson (37:19):
Yeah, it was so much easier because it just cut out all the noise.
Like, instead of being like, well, I'll
drink next month or I'll try taking 30 days off,
it was still so noisy in my head. But
once I said, I'm never drinking again,
all I had to focus on was, well, what will I do
instead?
>> Wendy Valentine (37:36):
Right?
>> Teri Patterson (37:37):
And it felt so much easier. So it was very
hard in the beginning, but it was so freeing when I made that. And then
I think courage for me happened really quickly because
I stepped out and started showing
everybody what I was doing with my alcohol free life.
And that gave me the opportunity
to practice telling people I wasn't drinking,
(37:57):
being at events, not drinking. I think it was
like ten days into being alcohol free, I went on
my first vacation with my husband and his
high school friends. And thank God there
was one guy, the weirdo of the group, who never
drank. Right? We were like, there he goes. Never
drank in his life. Like, never.
And at one point, when it was like they were day
(38:20):
drinking and they were reminiscing about all the high school stuff,
and it was those boring drunk people,
I looked at my friend and I'm like, we were in
Monterey, California, by the coast, and it
was beautiful. And I said, let's go for it. You want to go for a bike
ride? And so I realized early
on that distraction can play
(38:41):
a part. We don't want to distract forever, but
having something that you're going to do instead
of just wallowing in,
accepting this change, or feeling so heavy.
So that was really helpful, too.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:55):
Yeah.
I would think in the beginning it would be easier to kind of
avoid some of those situations, like
maybe not going to a bar or going to a party.
And if you just have to say no for a while, then
fine. You're saying yes to you, though.
>> Teri Patterson (39:09):
Yeah, absolutely. It's
so much. You're really learning what feels
right. And one thing that's interesting is sometimes
people will say, well, but I always go to the
parties. That's what I do. I love parties. But then
they realize without drinking, maybe not
so much like I was drinking to get through the party
(39:29):
I thought I was supposed to go to. And if I don't go to the
party, all problems are solved.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:35):
Yeah, exactly. Or some people will drink for the courage, but then
they find that they really don't have the courage after they've been
drinking because it just makes you more intimidated.
Yeah.
So interesting. So you've
got the programs. and what about you've got a
podcast, too, which I
love that name. And then
(39:56):
do you provide one on one coaching, too?
>> Teri Patterson (39:59):
Yes, I do take one on one clients. I used to do a
lot of group coaching in big groups
with this naked mind, and I don't coach for them
anymore. so I do my own
independent, they still have coaching programs, but I'm no
longer affiliated as a coach with them. So I
coach individually, and then I have my own programs that I
love because it gives me an opportunity to really,
(40:22):
like I was telling you, I think before we hit record,
I think the most amazing thing about this journey
for me has been that I get to
be that guide by your side, and I'm
just a little further along. And
so if I can take your hand and say, oh, guess what? I
found this path over here. Let's try this.
(40:42):
Let's talk about this. and that's been
my story, and it's a very authentic place to
meet women. That's what I want to do. I want to
build programs that
capitalize on what I've learned and be able to
teach. I mean, I love coaching, but I
started as a functional nutritionist, which is a lot of
(41:03):
teaching as well. And so I love to sort of
blend the two. So my group
programs are some of my favorite things I do.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:12):
Yes, me too.
>> Teri Patterson (41:15):
And I have a sober edge book club, because
I have see that.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:19):
And I loved how you said, byob, bring your
own book.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (41:24):
And we also say all of the fun
without the wine because lose the booze, keep the
party, because for most of us, I
loved book club, but it was a wine and wine
fest, so everybody whined and everybody
drank wine. And when I stopped drinking wine, I
stopped whining, and then I didn't want to be a part of it
anymore.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:45):
Yeah, exactly.
Did you find that? Did you lose friends?
Did you gain friends?
>> Teri Patterson (41:51):
Oh, my gosh, I've gained so many
friends. And here's the story for me, just a
little bit. I've had sort of a complicated relationship
with friendship. I've always
struggled to feel like I
had friends, or I was a good friend, or I showed
up as a friend, or I was the best
friend. All this, and it's a carryover from childhood.
(42:14):
My sister told me, you have no friends. And nobody
likes you. And so I held onto
that story for a really long time. And
so when I stopped
drinking, some of my friends did
shift and fall away a little bit. But with
this alcohol free business
that I have and the coaches that I've met and the
(42:36):
clients that I've met, I
feel like it's fascinating. I actually feel
like I'm actually a connector. I connect
people together, which was something that I
never saw, that, was always
there, but it was buried under these layers of
stories and self doubt. And so
(42:57):
I have so many friends. I go around the country
seeing my friends and my husband's like, are those real friends?
I'm like, yes, they're real people.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:06):
Yeah.
And I was connected to you through Dr. Brooke.
Yes.
So wild. It's fascinating. I know. I love
doing what I do now because you end up meeting so many.
>> Teri Patterson (43:19):
Know. And my book club venture started with a
friend. She was a client who became a friend, and
she was kind of looking for an alcohol free passion
project. And I said, would you be
interested? I've had this idea of starting a book club where
we haven't community for women, that
because sometimes a sober community for women or
an alcohol free women's, community
(43:41):
feels, like, heavy. Like, we're going to
go and we're going to talk about all our issues,
and it's a lot,
and those have a place, and they're very helpful and
important. But I also wanted there to be an opportunity.
Like, book club should be fun and delightful and
interesting, and so we've just sort of
(44:01):
blended that together.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:02):
What a great idea. You have the best
ideas and the best names. What was it? The
naked mind? Is that what it's called?
>> Teri Patterson (44:09):
So that's not my program. That comes from, Annie
Grace, and that is her big offer out there in the
alcohol free world. She's a big business called this naked
mind.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:19):
Yeah. It matches you, though.
>> Teri Patterson (44:21):
Well, yeah, I mean, really it is
about, stripping down
the stories we have and understanding that
we don't need, to numb
from what our life is. We don't need to buffer
between us and what's really happening in
our life. And when we stop
(44:42):
doing that and we get in touch with
new ways and we have new tools, and it's not
overnight. It takes work. You know, this is the work you do and the work
I do, we do it on ourselves. We help our clients do it.
And it's beautiful work. It's work worth doing, as Brooke
Castillo would say. Right?
>> Wendy Valentine (44:58):
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (44:58):
Ah, work worth doing but then we have
a place where we really are
enjoying and thriving and building
this life. And there's nothing better.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:09):
If you think about it, alcohol is like the
clothing that prevents you from being your
full, beautiful, naked self,
right?
>> Teri Patterson (45:18):
Yeah, I love the way. Yeah,
we armor up.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:22):
Yes.
So where can we find you?
>> Teri Patterson (45:27):
you say you like all my names, but I have too many
names. Best place to connect
with me is either at my website,
thesobernutritionist.com. I'm on
Instagram. Terry
thesobernutritionist. My podcast
does have a different name, the Soberedge.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:45):
I love it all. Or if anything, just go to the website and
you can.
>> Teri Patterson (45:49):
Yeah, then you can find things. Although I do have a few
hidden programs. because I do get excited
and then do a book study over here or do a
small little group over here. So, get on my
newsletter. and that's the easiest way to kind of
catch up with what I'm doing. It comes out once a week.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:06):
Nice.
And do you have any final words for someone out
there that's struggling to make that
first c happen? That first.
What is it? Commitment. Right. The first change
with their relationship with alcohol.
>> Teri Patterson (46:21):
Yeah. I think the very first place to start
is with curiosity.
That's my favorite thing to do. Because I
have found in my life that by
leading with curiosity, I suspend judgment.
And if I can ask myself,
how is this making me feel? As opposed
(46:43):
to telling myself, of course you feel awful again,
you drank. It's a different
energy. And so I invite people
to get curious
and just lean into that
curiosity and allow that to
unfold. And I think it almost always does.
>> Wendy Valentine (47:01):
Beautiful. I think I might have to make
the last words, the first words at the beginning of the
show. That's the
audio clip right there.
>> Teri Patterson (47:11):
I love it. Thank you.
>> Wendy Valentine (47:13):
Thank you, Terry. Everyone. Have a great day.
Did this podcast inspire you?
>> Teri Patterson (47:18):
Challenge you?
>> Wendy Valentine (47:19):
Trigger you to make a change?
Or spit out your coffee? Laughing. Good. Then
there are three ways you can thank me. Number one,
you can leave a written review of this podcast on Apple
iTunes. Number two, you can take a
screenshot of the episode and share it onto social
media and tag me Wendy Valentine.
Number three, share it with another midlifer that
(47:40):
needs a makeover. You know who I'm talking about.
Thank you so much for listening to the show. Get out
there and be bold.
Be free.
Be you.
Hm.
(48:05):
Close.
What if my marriage, this is what my partner and I do
together? My partner says, this is your journey. I'm not going to
stop drinking, or I don't like the fact that you're not drinking,
or my partner pressures me to drink. And
so we have to understand that
no matter what happens in this journey, the
person who's going to be with you at the end of that journey
(00:20):
is you.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:21):
Hey, midlifers. Welcome to the midlife makeover
show.
Go.
Are you ready to break free from your mundane
midlife? Are you feeling trapped in a vicious cycle
of rinse and repeat days? No matter if you're
experiencing a divorce, hangover job,
burnout, or you just have the midlife blues,
I got you. Hey, I'm Wendy,
(00:41):
your hostess of the midlife mostest. I, too,
was hit by midlife like a freight train. I, too,
felt stuck in the same dull chapter. I
wanted the clarity of how to create a new life beyond
divorce and the courage to leave an
unfulfilling career. But I kept telling myself
that I wasn't worthy, and it was just easier to stay
in my comfort zone until I found a little
(01:04):
secret. The freedom to live my life
my way. In this podcast, you will
learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife mind and
body, how to create solid relationships through
love and loss, and how to create an
awesome second half of life. Grab your
grande late pop in your earbuds and let's
get this midlife party started.
(01:28):
Are there sights, sounds, or smells that remind you
of a past traumatic event causing you to
fight, flight, or freeze? These physical
and emotional responses are called triggers, and
they happen to all of us. Triggers can be
tricky, but the key is to stop the trigger in its
tracks and turn the trigger into a
treasure. Just like Dr. Nicole Lapara
(01:51):
said, there's nothing negative about being triggered.
It's a calling to heal our wounds.
To help you heal those wounds, I created a
free download called the trigger to treasure
technique, where you will learn the four steps on how
to identify your triggers, how to control your
triggers, and how you can move past your past
so you can live peacefully in the present
(02:13):
moment. Please go to
forward slash trigger to receive your
free download, and you can begin to turn your
triggers into treasures.
Welcome back to the midlife Makeover show. I'm Wendy
Valentine, and today's episode will be quite
sobering. Literally.
(02:36):
Because today we are talking about
you living a big,
beautiful, bold, alcohol free
life. If you ever get those little
whispers from your soul that alcohol is affecting
your health, your relationship with others, the
relationship with yourself or that
very loud whisper that says
(02:58):
alcohol is getting in the way of you
living your best life, then you need to listen
up. And if you've tried to stop drinking in
the past and found it too difficult to make
the changes, then you definitely need to listen
up. Listen to those little whispers from
your soul, and listen to today's episode.
(03:19):
My hope is that this episode will help you
uncover the commitment, courage,
capability, and confidence that resides
deep within you. To start your journey to living
an alcohol free life, our guest
expert, Terry Patterson, is going to
teach you the four steps to change your relationship
(03:39):
with alcohol. Terry is a functional
nutritionist and a, This naked
mind. I like how that sounds.
Senior coach Terry blends her knowledge of
nutrition with her passion for living an
alcohol free life into a unique business
as the sober nutritionist. Since
(04:00):
becoming a sober, mindful drinking coach in
2019, Terry has helped thousands of
people take a break from drinking and create
true wellness. Terry is excited to
expand her mission of helping people discover true
wellness to include her signature program, the
self experience, exclusively for
(04:20):
women who have stopped drinking and are ready
to start living. Terry is also
the host of the popular podcast the Sober
Edge. I love that name. It's really good
inspiration for alcohol free living. And
Terry, by the way, won the Hula Hoop
championship of, Fisher Junior High School,
(04:40):
7th grade.
>> Teri Patterson (04:42):
Oh, my gosh, that's so fun. I'm so glad you have that
interesting fact that not very many people
know.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:49):
Yeah, it's so funny. I saw that on your Instagram right before we
started. I was like, oh, my gosh. I was like, I love hula
hooping. Love it.
Yeah.
Welcome to the show, my fellow.
>> Teri Patterson (05:00):
well, hula hooping looks very different now because back
when I did it, they didn't do, like, seven hula hoops at
a time. And they weren't weighted.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:08):
No, exactly. I know. They were like, the light ones
you'd find at Target.
Yes.
Or Kmart, I guess back then we didn't have target
yet.
>> Teri Patterson (05:16):
Not yet.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:17):
Yeah. So welcome to the show, and I'm
so glad you're bringing your wisdom to all of us
today. So many of us need it.
>> Teri Patterson (05:26):
Thank you. Yeah, it's really a passion for me to
talk about true wellness and
living without alcohol, you know,
too.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:34):
I was just thinking about this. I'm glad
that this whole topic has evolved
because it used to be such a dark subject
that nobody would talk about unless it was like, you
go to a little meeting by yourself and,
it's like a scary thing, and you were kind of like
left literally all on your own
(05:55):
sometimes. And now there's so much
light on this topic that it's not
so unusual anymore to
embark on the journey of sobriety. Right.
>> Teri Patterson (06:06):
Yeah. We've really brought it out of, like you said, the dark
ages. And there is another way
to approach this, and it looks very
different than a traditional.
What our culture sort of tells us that we hit
rock bottom. We have a problem. it's
a dark place, and for me, it
(06:26):
just wasn't like that.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:28):
Yes.
>> Teri Patterson (06:28):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:29):
Like as if you're broken or something.
>> Teri Patterson (06:31):
Yeah. There's nothing to fix. It's a choice.
It's an empowered choice.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:36):
Yeah.
So tell us about your story. tell us about
your breakdown. To breakthrough story.
>> Teri Patterson (06:43):
Yeah. So I love that. For me,
I didn't hit a rock bottom. I was like
most people in my life, drinking. I started out
drinking socially. it was a lot of fun. When my
husband and I were first married, we would go
wine tasting. My parents lived in the Napa
Valley. My dad became an amateur
winemaker. And it was all
(07:05):
fun and games, literally. and then
as I got older, and this is really
true with a lot of women, kind of that
place between
the, where things
are starting to get kind of intense. We've got
our kids, we've got teenagers
where our career might be going
(07:28):
in directions that are eating up a lot of time.
We've taken the eye off our relationship with
our spouse, perhaps, and so that feels a
little tenuous. And so there's so many
moving parts. And then alcohol
starts to show up in ways that are
more than just the social night out
(07:48):
or the girls book club. And for
me, it looked like starting to
drink every day, and it was a glass of wine with cooking
dinner, and then it was maybe a cocktail. And then
my husband and I moved to the country when
I was 40 and
I didn't work, and,
(08:09):
I was home with my kids and it felt like I was on vacation.
I was in a new place and drinking kind of
ramped up and we had new friends, so we were
throwing big.
You know, there was that exactly what you said in the intro,
Wendy. That still small voice in the back
of my head saying, like, why do you
(08:29):
have to drink every, like, you
should take a break. And so I started a long
road of moderating,
and that was like cutting back. Only
drinking wine during the week and cocktails on the
weekend, only drinking one glass, not
drinking. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
(08:49):
And that was very
tiring when you have a voice in
your head all the time that you're negotiating with.
Can I drink tonight? What did I drink last night? How much
did I drink? Did I drink too much? How does this
feel? It takes up a lot of space in
your head.
>> Wendy Valentine (09:09):
Like this voice that you're negotiating with. And, then
probably on the days that you weren't drinking, then you were probably
like, okay, you were negotiating even more on those days.
And like you said, it takes up energy, it takes
up space, in your mind, right. It's
exhausting.
Yes.
>> Teri Patterson (09:25):
And I had a coach friend that she
stated it, like, we give alcohol a lot of different
hats, so, like, I feel bored.
Oh, let's have a drink. I feel happy. Let's
have a drink. I'm going out. Let's have a drink.
I'm stressed. Let's have a drink. I'm m not around
to be able to sleep. Let's have a drink.
That's a lot of jobs we give to alcohol. And so I
(09:47):
decided that I needed to fire alcohol.
Needed to fire alcohol from all the jobs I had
given it. And for me, that looked like
getting to a place where that still, small
voice started tapping on my shoulder.
And then it started kind of parking on my shoulder.
Like, it just didn't go away. It sat there with its arms crossed and was
(10:08):
like, pay attention.
And I realized that I was
miserable. Drinking.
Just wasn't fun anymore. Even the times I drink for
fun weren't fun. And it was like, what are
you doing?
>> Wendy Valentine (10:24):
It just becomes like this mindless thing that you're
doing, and it's, unconscious. You're just like,
oh, okay.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (10:33):
And we forget that. It does have
such addictive properties. So
the part for me that was really eye opening was when I
tried to take a break and I couldn't.
And I wasn't one of those people who, well, I
shouldn't say that I was what I call a wellness
enthusiast. I wasn't a wellness professional, but I would
do all the things, and yet
(10:56):
I didn't remove alcohol. I would do these
30 day, cleanses and help people go
on kind of these, elimination diets for 30
days. And I wouldn't drink alcohol. But, boy,
day 31, I was like, couldn't
wait to get back to the races.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:12):
That was like, your goal, was that?
Yes.
>> Teri Patterson (11:15):
And I realized that I was planning, if I was going to take
30 days off or lead a group, I would look at my
calendar and be like, well, I can't do it. Then we have a wedding,
or I can't do it, then we're going on vacation. And
now it seems ludicrous, but at the time,
my life really revolved
around drinking.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:33):
Yeah. It controlled everything.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (11:37):
So I woke up one day and I told my husband,
I'm going to stop drinking and I might need
to go to meetings. And this was in 2015,
so at the time, there really wasn't
that I was aware of. There's not like the
online programs that there are now. There's not like the
support, there's not like the alternative
(11:57):
places. And so I was really kind of
terrified to think of walking into
a church basement, basically identifying as an
alcoholic and having to run my
life. As much as I was thinking about alcohol,
I didn't want to live a life, Wendy, where I was
thinking that much about not drinking.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:17):
Yes.
Right. And that you had that label placed
on.
>> Teri Patterson (12:22):
Yeah, yeah. Because for
just. So what I did was I stopped
drinking and I told people right away, I'm not
drinking anymore. And if people asked me, I
said it just wasn't serving me.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:35):
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (12:36):
And it was really true.
And so I never drank again. And that was in
October of 2015. And
I didn't go to any meetings. I didn't have a coach, I didn't
do anything around support.
But one thing that happened in my breakthrough
was that I took that
wellness enthusiast part and I decided to
(12:58):
become a wellness professional. So the
universe delivered, on January
1 of 2016,
an, invitation in the form of an article on the
front page of our local newspaper. I live in a small
town, and there was a woman, and she was opening
a little wellness business, and she was a
nutritionist. And I started reading about
(13:19):
her story, and I was really focused
on where she went to school. So I called her up.
This is 2016, right?
>> Wendy Valentine (13:27):
I called her up three months
after you stopped drinking.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (13:32):
And I said, tell me about this program that you went to,
this nutrition school, and it's called
nutritional therapy association. And she said,
you should absolutely do it. I'll be your mentor.
And so I did. And I didn't realize
at the time, but it was really powerful to have something
that I, was looking forward to. Something
(13:53):
to focus on, something to put my energy in, something
really positive was going to come out of this
place where I had felt lost.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:01):
Yeah. Something to replace that
and even better. Right.
It's amazing though, too, how things will line up. Like what a
synchronistic moment, though.
>> Teri Patterson (14:12):
Oh, yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:12):
What if that had not happened?
You probably still would have kept on your
pathway.
But it wouldn't be what it is today.
Where do you think you would be if you had not made that decision in
October of 2015?
>> Teri Patterson (14:28):
Oh, I think I would have struggled
for a while longer. I think I would
have become maybe a little bit more cynical
and bitter and negative, which
is not my natural personality. And I think I would
have eventually come out of it. I really do, because I
think I would have recognized this conversation that's
(14:48):
happening now.
And felt drawn into that.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:52):
Yeah. And probably those whispers
would have turned into screams.
Yeah, I guess that's the point. You
don't want it to get to that.
You're getting the whispers and you need to listen to
it.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (15:07):
If you can move when you're getting that sense
of
questioning, and we like to say it, you hear
it sometimes in these alcohol freedom circles
that the question is not,
am I drinking too much? The question is,
is alcohol adding anything to my life?
(15:28):
And that's a really powerful question to say because
you don't need to have a reason to stop drinking other
than you want to.
>> Wendy Valentine (15:37):
Yeah.
And I think that's also an old way of thinking, too, with
that is that you had to be, like, drinking
out of a paper bag and hanging out on the
sit in front of 711 or something. But that's not
the case.
No. Yeah.
I mean, really, it's like with anything in life, if it's not
serving you, then got to let it
(15:57):
go.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (16:01):
Most people were very supportive. I didn't really have people.
I looked at my group of friends and thought, I probably drink more than most
of them. They're going to be fine with me not
drinking. I didn't think I would be boring, and
I thought they would be boring.
drunk people are boring unless you're drinking
because they repeat the stories and they're, like,
(16:21):
sloppy, and you can't understand them, and they're loud,
and there was some of that. But the one
person that sort of surprised me was my mother. And
she told me, she said, I don't understand why you
stopped drinking. You didn't have a problem. And I
said, but it was a problem for me.
>> Wendy Valentine (16:38):
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (16:39):
And so I finally told her. She
just couldn't really wrap her brain around
it. What's that?
>> Wendy Valentine (16:48):
Go ahead.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (16:49):
So I didn't tell her what I told my husband, like, my brain is
thinking about drinking all the time. But what I did tell
her was my dad had been a smoker early in their marriage,
and she despised that
habit. So I said, mom, what if I was a
smoker and I told you I was going to stop smoking. She goes, oh,
I'd be so excited for you. Like, that'd be the best thing. I
(17:09):
said, okay, I want you to feel that way for
me about not drinking because that's how I
feel.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:16):
Right? Yeah. That's crazy.
It's amazing the perception that a lot of
us will have around that.
What was your greatest fear when
you decided to stop drinking?
>> Teri Patterson (17:31):
I'll answer that in two parts because, I had a fear, but
then something came up that was like,
uhoh. And that was sort of a secondary
thing. But the first thing was really, I think it was really
just that I would be miserable, not drinking. I was
miserable drinking and I thought, what am I, miserable not
drinking? M and so I didn't know. I think
the biggest fear was, I think about it as
(17:53):
a trust fall m or a
leap. So you've got to take this
leap and you don't know what life's going to
look like on the other side. And you can't really
describe it to someone. You can tell
them your experience, but our brain doesn't
know we know that. Our brain likes to prove
itself, right. It likes to take memories from the
(18:15):
past and make them meaning out of them.
And so when we ask our brain to go into the
future and imagine this amazing life
and we have no framework,
our brain just says, you're probably going to be
miserable.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:32):
And you're definitely not miserable.
>> Teri Patterson (18:35):
No, definitely not miserable. It's been amazing.
it's been absolutely amazing. My life looks so
different.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:41):
Yeah. What are some benefits that came
out of it? Whether it was in the very beginning or
if they revealed themselves later on.
>> Teri Patterson (18:50):
Yeah. So one is that I believe
that when we're drinking and over drinking,
we're dialing down that intuition.
Because we don't trust ourself. Our, no doesn't mean no. Our
yes doesn't mean yes. We wake up in the morning, I'm not going to
drink tonight, and then we drink
and then we turn down that intuition a little
bit. So for me, getting back in touch with
(19:12):
my intuition was a huge plus.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:16):
Yeah, it clouds your thinking.
>> Teri Patterson (19:18):
Yeah. And along with that comes trusting
myself more. So trusting myself to take
a big risk and go to nutrition school, start a
business, and then start
putting myself out there and offering nutrition
services and building a
business, going online, figuring all this out. I was
55 when I stopped drinking. Wow.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:41):
And look.
What?
Gosh, it's amazing. You're like the little guinea pig
that.
>> Teri Patterson (19:45):
Yeah, exactly.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:47):
Your own little experiment right.
>> Teri Patterson (19:51):
And I think of how I was playing small, but
I knew something, m the
inside was telling me, like, this is
not how you're meant to live your life. But I
didn't know that breaking free from
alcohol would be the beginning of this
transformation.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:08):
Yeah. And sometimes that can be an excuse for others
so that they can keep playing small.
If somebody got the invitation, like, here you go, you can
really shine your light into the world, would they actually
take that invitation? Would they go like,
no, I'll just stay small. Thank you.
>> Teri Patterson (20:25):
It's very scary for a lot of people. And for
me, so many things happened that
felt inspiring
and started connecting with people in
new ways. Relationships really shift
because when we change, the people
around us are going to have a new response.
And for me, it looked like being more authentic in
(20:47):
my relationship, better communication.
My spouse, my husband stopped drinking two years after
I stopped. And so the way that
connect. Yeah, the way that we connect is very different
than all those years when we were drinking.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:01):
And here he had a winery, too.
>> Teri Patterson (21:04):
No, my dad. And not a
winery. My dad and mom lived in the Napa valley,
and my dad was an amateur winemaker.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:12):
Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. But, yeah, that's.
Wow.
So fascinating.
So let's talk about, the four C's
there for changing your relationship with
alcohol.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (21:24):
So, this is a framework that comes from
a man named Dan Sullivan, who's also a coach.
but he talks about how
confidence comes last. And what I
realized is, know, we think
we have to have confidence in order to take this leap
or to do the trust fall. Right. But
actually, it's so empowering to think
(21:46):
that we do not need confidence.
So we have this framework that really, I
think is really helpful when it comes to changing our
relationship with alcohol. but it works in all areas of
life. we start with commitment.
And to me, the word that I choose to use
is intention. Like, what do
(22:07):
I want to have happen? What am I open to
creating what is possible here?
And when we make that commitment, to
explore, to get curious,
to suspend judgment, to
try to experiment, that's
a beautiful place to start. And out of
(22:27):
that commitment, the second thing that happens is we
have to have courage, because
as long as we're in our comfort zone, the next step
out of our comfort zone is courage. And so
we have to be willing to take that commitment
and act on it.
And so if you're in this place of, like,
(22:47):
I want to explore living without alcohol, I want to
explore true wellness as I would call it, I want to see
what it looks like. the courage step might
look like telling someone.
The courage step might look like
joining a group that is alcohol free.
The courage might look like getting
(23:07):
all the alcohol out of the house. It's going to look
different for each person, and
the next thing that happens is that capability, which
is really the practice. This is where we have to
build the reps. We don't
do one thing one time and
develop confidence. We do it again and we fail
or we try or we experiment or we explore and we
(23:30):
shift and we pivot and we keep going. We
practice, practice, practice, and with enough
reps, we become
confident.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:39):
Yeah. So
good. I love that.
>> Teri Patterson (23:44):
I know.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:44):
I was just thinking too, like, with courage, even when I started off
in my journey and taken off in the RV,
and it's like I was
scared. And even starting my
podcast, doing all of this stuff, and I still
get scared, but I'll leap. And then
once I take that leap, then I gain
even more courage. And I think it's just
(24:07):
like the saying is leap and the net will appear.
It's like you're the net. You're the one that will
catch yourself. You have to start trusting yourself that you can
do that. And I think
that a lot of times, myself included, for so many years,
I would look outside of myself for those
things, for that net.
But then when I started, like, wait a minute, maybe I'm the
(24:29):
one that can actually take care of me.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (24:33):
And that happens in the alcohol free journey, too, I think,
Wendy, is that a lot of people. So I work
predominantly with women who are really
feeling stuck. They've maybe, like me, had decades of
drinking, and they've been trying to break up with alcohol for
a while and things are getting in the way,
circumstances, thoughts. And
they're really, stuck in this place
(24:55):
where they're not
trusting that they
will be enough because people will say, well,
what if I lose all my friends? And it's like,
yes, no, you may. But friendships will
shift and change. Not every relationship
is going to last through this choice that
(25:15):
you're making, but it's not a foregone
conclusion that you're going to lose everybody.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:21):
Right?
>> Teri Patterson (25:22):
And so then the other thing is people say, well, what
if my marriage, this is what my partner and I do
together? My partner says, this is your journey. I'm not going to
stop drinking, or, I don't like the fact that you're not drinking,
or my partner pressures me to drink. And
so we have to understand that
no matter what happens in this journey, the
(25:42):
person who's going to be with you at the end of that journey
is you.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:46):
Yes.
>> Teri Patterson (25:48):
It's the only guarantee you have, because.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:50):
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>> Teri Patterson (27:12):
And usually, it's not nearly as horrendous as we
imagine. We tend to go out and create
these monsters in the future.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:21):
It's just like you were saying with your mom, right?
And that, was her level of
thinking about it. Was anything against you
personally? Yeah, right?
>> Teri Patterson (27:34):
Ah, yeah, it was fascinating. And so I
tell that story to clients from time to time, if it's helpful,
because it's like
you can be you and authentically you
and allow people time to
accept and explore and be in relationship with
you and not assume it's all
going to fall apart or you're doing something wrong or you have
(27:56):
to change. Becoming
alcohol free, you will hear
across the board, like, I'm in a lot of free groups,
and if you go in and people are talking about, I just reached 60
days, or it's two years today,
and if they go into what has
changed for them, almost universally,
(28:17):
it is, I'm
more confident, I trust myself, my
relationships are better, I'm happier, I'm
more fulfilled. I have better
thinking. I'm not beating myself up all the time.
I like to remind people that if we could
shame and blame ourselves into change, we
(28:37):
wouldn't need Wendy and we wouldn't need Terry. But it
doesn't work that way. And so we have to let
go of beating ourselves up and come to a place
of compassion,
curiosity, grace, and just
explore. Like I said earlier,
what would life look like without alcohol?
Is it really adding something to my life as
(28:59):
opposed to the dark
story that culture wants to tell us that,
you have a disease and you're always going to be
fixated on being in
recovery. And it's my story and it's
not something that I see for my clients.
>> Wendy Valentine (29:16):
Yeah, exactly.
So I noticed you have tons of great
programs, by the way. I know you, but,
one of them is for women
over 50, which is great. stop
drinking in your fifty s and beyond, designed for
midlife women to rediscover who you are
without wine. And,
(29:38):
I had made some other notes on here from your website
because I was wondering, I was like, is it a lot
more challenging in your forty s and fifty s? And like,
you made the point earlier, there's a lot of things going
on at midlife.
Kids are leaving the nest, relationships are
changing, career might be changing. Right.
(29:59):
And then also you add in perimenopause,
menopause, you've got all of those health changes that
are happening in your body, whether you like it or not.
And so a lot of that, the chemistry in your
body is changing.
>> Teri Patterson (30:11):
Oh, yeah. And alcohol, as
we age, it's harder to metabolize
alcohol. And so it shows
up in new ways. And also we build a tolerance for
alcohol over time. So if we started drinking
in our 20s or 30s or in our teens, like many
of my clients, by the time you're in your late
40s, early 50s, it's had a lot of
(30:34):
impact.
>> Wendy Valentine (30:35):
Yeah.
Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
and then you had said on here, as I got older, I noticed it was harder
to bounce back from over drinking. I
noticed I was no longer drinking to have fun. In fact, I was
drinking more and enjoying it less. Drinking
became me time, and I found myself more
isolated because I was too exhausted to make the
(30:55):
effort. That's interesting, too, because
where before it was like, okay, you're drinking because you're
socializing, and then you end up becoming kind of
like antisocial.
>> Teri Patterson (31:06):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:08):
And then I started to worry about my drinking, so I
tried to moderate. It was scary when I realized how
hard it was to cut back.
And then no one thought I had a problem, but I knew I
was miserable. And I think it just like it goes back to
what's important to you.
What makes you happy? Like, anything.
Like what makes you happy. If it doesn't make you
(31:30):
happy, then you have to. I mean, I always
say we're usually the ones that are standing in our own
way. We have to get out of our way to actually live the
life that we want to live. We have to listen to those
whispers. Like those whispers are there for a reason.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (31:46):
And I find that alcohol
is really just the symptom. And
so when I work with people with
alcohol, my nephew was curious about,
we were talking this summer, and he's like, so do you
just get on a call and talk about
drinking? And I say, almost never. It's like
the drinking is like going on, maybe in the
(32:08):
background, or they've recently stopped drinking, but what we're
really focusing on is how do we create a
life we don't want to escape from?
>> Wendy Valentine (32:16):
Yes.
>> Teri Patterson (32:17):
And that is so interesting
because as we focus
on building this big, beautiful life,
the alcohol piece just gets smaller and
smaller and less important. And that
is the beauty of living alcohol
free.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:33):
Yeah. It's like the saying, where your attention goes
is where energy flows. Right.
>> Teri Patterson (32:38):
I say that all the time. I love that. Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:41):
If you're focusing on that, then that's getting all the
attention.
Yeah.
Focusing your mind, like for you. You
started that whole program in January and that
became your new focus.
Yeah.
So really it's like helping someone to
focus their energies on something else, something that
excites them.
>> Teri Patterson (33:02):
One of the things that I, ah, hear so often
is, well, I don't know what to do with all this
time. And it's like, yeah, because you've been
numbing out and you've been drinking. Just sort of
fills up a lot of time because things slow down and
you pitter patter around or
you sit on the couch and waste time and all
of a sudden it's the end of your day. You get more tired as you're
(33:25):
drinking. You, might get a little energy in the beginning, but
alcohol is both a depressant and a stimulant.
So you have this weird dynamic. And
so here we are. And that was my thing when
I stopped drinking. I had so much time and energy, I was like
bouncing off the walls. Thank goodness.
I remember my husband even saying kind of tongue in cheek,
(33:45):
but he said, you should just have a glass of wine and calm down.
And I was like, not going to do that. Got to figure out
something else.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:53):
Did you happen to have any health issues that were
resolved when you stopped drinking?
>> Teri Patterson (33:58):
my gut was the main thing that I really
noticed. So it was interesting when I went to nutrition school,
two things. First, I thought nobody there would be drinking
because they would know better.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:09):
Not true.
>> Teri Patterson (34:11):
They were just drinking low sulfite wine or tequila because
it had no sugar. And I was like,
okay. And then what
I noticed too, because it was an alternative school, it
wasn't like western medicine. It's,
really working on digestion and
other factors, lifestyle. And so what was
(34:32):
happening was almost every
other student had an authentic
healing story. Like, I came to this
nutrition work because had Lyme disease and no one could
help me. Or I came to this nutrition work because my
family has a history of.
High, ah, blood pressure, and I want to control that. Or I
(34:53):
healed my son from something through nutrition, but
that was not me. And so it was
really interesting. I noticed that my gut got much
better. Like, I stopped having, I used to think, oh, I just can't
eat rich food. But it was because I was drinking while
eating. And then alcohol
metabolizes before food. So the food
was hanging around in my gut, creating all kinds of
(35:16):
stuff. But when I became an
alcohol freedom coach, I thought, oh,
this is that full circle moment. This is my
authentic story of healing.
>> Wendy Valentine (35:27):
Yeah, how cool.
And really it's like applying all of that to that, the
nutrition and living a better life for
yourself.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (35:36):
And I really do think I find so many people
once we take alcohol
out and we're like, oh my gosh, I feel
good, I'm excited about life again. The next
thing most people look at is getting
healthier.
>> Wendy Valentine (35:51):
Yes.
>> Teri Patterson (35:52):
And it's a perfect time to do it.
>> Wendy Valentine (35:55):
Yeah, you're cutting that noise, the noise
of drinking.
>> Teri Patterson (35:59):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (35:59):
So once you can get quieter and get still, then
you're like, okay, now it's just taking that first
step.
Speaking, of the four c's, what did you struggle with the
most? And what do you feel like most people struggle
with the most?
>> Teri Patterson (36:17):
For me, I think
I made that commitment early.
Mean, it was hard in the like. Until I made that
commitment, I didn't have any wind in my
sails.
So I think for me, once I made that,
it made it so much easier. So
Gretchen Rubin has a framework, the
(36:39):
four tendencies that I love. And I have all my clients take that
quiz because we just need to know how
we internalize making changes.
And so I'm an upholder. And so for
me, I needed to,
have that absolute
say no forever because it was so much easier to say
(37:00):
no than to say, well, maybe because,
maybe was all the noise. And so once I made
the commitment, the rest followed much
easier.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:11):
Basically, before you had 1ft over here and
1ft over there where you needed to have both
feet on one side or the other.
>> Teri Patterson (37:19):
Yeah, it was so much easier because it just cut out all the noise.
Like, instead of being like, well, I'll
drink next month or I'll try taking 30 days off,
it was still so noisy in my head. But
once I said, I'm never drinking again,
all I had to focus on was, well, what will I do
instead?
>> Wendy Valentine (37:36):
Right?
>> Teri Patterson (37:37):
And it felt so much easier. So it was very
hard in the beginning, but it was so freeing when I made that. And then
I think courage for me happened really quickly because
I stepped out and started showing
everybody what I was doing with my alcohol free life.
And that gave me the opportunity
to practice telling people I wasn't drinking,
(37:57):
being at events, not drinking. I think it was
like ten days into being alcohol free, I went on
my first vacation with my husband and his
high school friends. And thank God there
was one guy, the weirdo of the group, who never
drank. Right? We were like, there he goes. Never
drank in his life. Like, never.
And at one point, when it was like they were day
(38:20):
drinking and they were reminiscing about all the high school stuff,
and it was those boring drunk people,
I looked at my friend and I'm like, we were in
Monterey, California, by the coast, and it
was beautiful. And I said, let's go for it. You want to go for a bike
ride? And so I realized early
on that distraction can play
(38:41):
a part. We don't want to distract forever, but
having something that you're going to do instead
of just wallowing in,
accepting this change, or feeling so heavy.
So that was really helpful, too.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:55):
Yeah.
I would think in the beginning it would be easier to kind of
avoid some of those situations, like
maybe not going to a bar or going to a party.
And if you just have to say no for a while, then
fine. You're saying yes to you, though.
>> Teri Patterson (39:09):
Yeah, absolutely. It's
so much. You're really learning what feels
right. And one thing that's interesting is sometimes
people will say, well, but I always go to the
parties. That's what I do. I love parties. But then
they realize without drinking, maybe not
so much like I was drinking to get through the party
(39:29):
I thought I was supposed to go to. And if I don't go to the
party, all problems are solved.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:35):
Yeah, exactly. Or some people will drink for the courage, but then
they find that they really don't have the courage after they've been
drinking because it just makes you more intimidated.
Yeah.
So interesting. So you've
got the programs. and what about you've got a
podcast, too, which I
love that name. And then
(39:56):
do you provide one on one coaching, too?
>> Teri Patterson (39:59):
Yes, I do take one on one clients. I used to do a
lot of group coaching in big groups
with this naked mind, and I don't coach for them
anymore. so I do my own
independent, they still have coaching programs, but I'm no
longer affiliated as a coach with them. So I
coach individually, and then I have my own programs that I
love because it gives me an opportunity to really,
(40:22):
like I was telling you, I think before we hit record,
I think the most amazing thing about this journey
for me has been that I get to
be that guide by your side, and I'm
just a little further along. And
so if I can take your hand and say, oh, guess what? I
found this path over here. Let's try this.
(40:42):
Let's talk about this. and that's been
my story, and it's a very authentic place to
meet women. That's what I want to do. I want to
build programs that
capitalize on what I've learned and be able to
teach. I mean, I love coaching, but I
started as a functional nutritionist, which is a lot of
(41:03):
teaching as well. And so I love to sort of
blend the two. So my group
programs are some of my favorite things I do.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:12):
Yes, me too.
>> Teri Patterson (41:15):
And I have a sober edge book club, because
I have see that.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:19):
And I loved how you said, byob, bring your
own book.
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (41:24):
And we also say all of the fun
without the wine because lose the booze, keep the
party, because for most of us, I
loved book club, but it was a wine and wine
fest, so everybody whined and everybody
drank wine. And when I stopped drinking wine, I
stopped whining, and then I didn't want to be a part of it
anymore.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:45):
Yeah, exactly.
Did you find that? Did you lose friends?
Did you gain friends?
>> Teri Patterson (41:51):
Oh, my gosh, I've gained so many
friends. And here's the story for me, just a
little bit. I've had sort of a complicated relationship
with friendship. I've always
struggled to feel like I
had friends, or I was a good friend, or I showed
up as a friend, or I was the best
friend. All this, and it's a carryover from childhood.
(42:14):
My sister told me, you have no friends. And nobody
likes you. And so I held onto
that story for a really long time. And
so when I stopped
drinking, some of my friends did
shift and fall away a little bit. But with
this alcohol free business
that I have and the coaches that I've met and the
(42:36):
clients that I've met, I
feel like it's fascinating. I actually feel
like I'm actually a connector. I connect
people together, which was something that I
never saw, that, was always
there, but it was buried under these layers of
stories and self doubt. And so
(42:57):
I have so many friends. I go around the country
seeing my friends and my husband's like, are those real friends?
I'm like, yes, they're real people.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:06):
Yeah.
And I was connected to you through Dr. Brooke.
Yes.
So wild. It's fascinating. I know. I love
doing what I do now because you end up meeting so many.
>> Teri Patterson (43:19):
Know. And my book club venture started with a
friend. She was a client who became a friend, and
she was kind of looking for an alcohol free passion
project. And I said, would you be
interested? I've had this idea of starting a book club where
we haven't community for women, that
because sometimes a sober community for women or
an alcohol free women's, community
(43:41):
feels, like, heavy. Like, we're going to
go and we're going to talk about all our issues,
and it's a lot,
and those have a place, and they're very helpful and
important. But I also wanted there to be an opportunity.
Like, book club should be fun and delightful and
interesting, and so we've just sort of
(44:01):
blended that together.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:02):
What a great idea. You have the best
ideas and the best names. What was it? The
naked mind? Is that what it's called?
>> Teri Patterson (44:09):
So that's not my program. That comes from, Annie
Grace, and that is her big offer out there in the
alcohol free world. She's a big business called this naked
mind.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:19):
Yeah. It matches you, though.
>> Teri Patterson (44:21):
Well, yeah, I mean, really it is
about, stripping down
the stories we have and understanding that
we don't need, to numb
from what our life is. We don't need to buffer
between us and what's really happening in
our life. And when we stop
(44:42):
doing that and we get in touch with
new ways and we have new tools, and it's not
overnight. It takes work. You know, this is the work you do and the work
I do, we do it on ourselves. We help our clients do it.
And it's beautiful work. It's work worth doing, as Brooke
Castillo would say. Right?
>> Wendy Valentine (44:58):
Yeah.
>> Teri Patterson (44:58):
Ah, work worth doing but then we have
a place where we really are
enjoying and thriving and building
this life. And there's nothing better.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:09):
If you think about it, alcohol is like the
clothing that prevents you from being your
full, beautiful, naked self,
right?
>> Teri Patterson (45:18):
Yeah, I love the way. Yeah,
we armor up.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:22):
Yes.
So where can we find you?
>> Teri Patterson (45:27):
you say you like all my names, but I have too many
names. Best place to connect
with me is either at my website,
thesobernutritionist.com. I'm on
Instagram. Terry
thesobernutritionist. My podcast
does have a different name, the Soberedge.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:45):
I love it all. Or if anything, just go to the website and
you can.
>> Teri Patterson (45:49):
Yeah, then you can find things. Although I do have a few
hidden programs. because I do get excited
and then do a book study over here or do a
small little group over here. So, get on my
newsletter. and that's the easiest way to kind of
catch up with what I'm doing. It comes out once a week.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:06):
Nice.
And do you have any final words for someone out
there that's struggling to make that
first c happen? That first.
What is it? Commitment. Right. The first change
with their relationship with alcohol.
>> Teri Patterson (46:21):
Yeah. I think the very first place to start
is with curiosity.
That's my favorite thing to do. Because I
have found in my life that by
leading with curiosity, I suspend judgment.
And if I can ask myself,
how is this making me feel? As opposed
(46:43):
to telling myself, of course you feel awful again,
you drank. It's a different
energy. And so I invite people
to get curious
and just lean into that
curiosity and allow that to
unfold. And I think it almost always does.
>> Wendy Valentine (47:01):
Beautiful. I think I might have to make
the last words, the first words at the beginning of the
show. That's the
audio clip right there.
>> Teri Patterson (47:11):
I love it. Thank you.
>> Wendy Valentine (47:13):
Thank you, Terry. Everyone. Have a great day.
Did this podcast inspire you?
>> Teri Patterson (47:18):
Challenge you?
>> Wendy Valentine (47:19):
Trigger you to make a change?
Or spit out your coffee? Laughing. Good. Then
there are three ways you can thank me. Number one,
you can leave a written review of this podcast on Apple
iTunes. Number two, you can take a
screenshot of the episode and share it onto social
media and tag me Wendy Valentine.
Number three, share it with another midlifer that
(47:40):
needs a makeover. You know who I'm talking about.
Thank you so much for listening to the show. Get out
there and be bold.
Be free.
Be you.
Hm.
(48:05):
Close.
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