January 20, 2024 • 35 mins
Celebrating milestones is sweet, but hitting the 50th episode feels like we've just won the podcast lottery, baby Jokers! It's time to pop the confetti because we're diving—err, strutting—right into gratitude, hair nightmares turned lessons, and the secret ingredient to authentic connections that have kept you all hooked. Reflect with me on mini twists that taught me more about myself than any self-help book could, and why keeping it real trumps trying to be perfect when procrastination sneaks up on us.
Switch gears with me to the land of laugh-out-loud TV classics, personal celebrity reflections, and the jaw-dropping antics of the youth. If you've ever found yourself belly-laughing to "Living Single" or "The Bernie Mac Show," you're in good company. We'll chat about Halle Bailey's spotlight moments and the wild world of viral TikTok hits. And hold onto your wallets as we recount the tale of a kiddo's $8,000 makeup haul on mom's dime—sure to have you considering the merits of a time machine back to the days of old-school parenting.
Now, let's lace up our gloves for a ringside seat to the unbridled drama of "Baddies on Zeus" and "Central Baddies," because who knew swim caps could double as fight gear? I'm breaking down the raw energy that keeps us glued to our screens and the reasons why I'd rather keep my wigs secure than tussle with these fierce fighters. So, grab your headphones, and let's keep the chuckles coming—it's our golden episode, and we're making it one for the history books.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome back to another episode of my life is a
joke and I'm your host, fee.
What's going on, baby Joker's?
What's going on?
I hope everyone is well, it isepisode 50, bitch.
We made it, we fucking made it.
And let me tell you I reallydid Y'all.
I actually did sit down torecord episode last week but
(00:29):
that motherfucker will only 18minutes and I said I can't do
that to them.
I can't do them.
It's either it's always 25 orbetter Okay around here, because
I know I got a couple ofepisodes.
I feel like they're like the 22, 23 market, next childish.
I'm aware, yeah, but what thefuck I was going to say, yeah,
(00:51):
so episode 50 real, real,appreciative, real glad that
we're here, like if y'all havelistened from episode one, if
y'all have watched since episodeone.
I fought with you, even if youjust jumped in and just started
listening, I don't care, I fuckwith you because y'all, y'all,
y'all are the real ones.
You know what I'm saying.
I fuck with the baby Joebecause I love y'all.
(01:12):
I really do.
You know, I, sometimes I reallyI have to work on myself.
Real bad, because like I be sosad, I'm sorry.
You know, I'm saying like Iprocrastinated this episode this
whole week.
I'm like, damn, we're going tolike episode 50.
Yeah, real exciting.
But it's just like, damn,episode 50.
(01:32):
Like.
And then I put all of thesedifferent things that I wanted
to do.
Like sometimes I just be upsetbecause I don't be planning the
stuff out how I want to plan itout and so in return, y'all
suffer.
I hate that.
So I said you know what, we'renot going to do too much, we're
going to give the good, becauseI had one to do like a whole
whole lot of extra shit.
And it's just I like, babe,either you're going to do it or
(01:55):
you're going to do it or you'renot.
You're not, and it's okay.
So I said you know what, we'lljust go without all of that
extra bullshit and just give myregular episode, because this is
what y'all won't.
You know I'm saying this iswhat y'all want, this is what
y'all come here for.
You know what I'm saying.
But y'all shout out toeverybody that watches and
listens.
I really appreciate y'all.
I'm really proud of us.
I'm really proud of me.
It's been a long time coming.
(02:17):
It's been a long goddamn time.
I suppose it's been months ago.
But we're not going to talkabout it.
We're not going to talk aboutit.
You know I be gone, I be gone,y'all be gone sometime, but
y'all.
I appreciate everybody.
And to whoever, and to whoeveris listening to me over there in
(02:38):
Germany, I fuck with youBecause, first of all, people
listen to the podcast all overthe world.
Like I pay extra money on mylittle podcast distributor
website to know where mylisteners are and I don't know
who you are.
D&me, I want to put a face withit.
Who are you?
(02:58):
Like you, you loyal too.
Like it's a y'all.
You don't watch the couple ofepisodes like from the beginning
and it's and it's look and it'slook like it might be a gang of
y'all because it's like theylike for real for a little like
a fourth of it.
Like my listeners.
Like it's from Germany, like Ifuck with that.
Hello, okay, or maybe it's notGermany, maybe it's just like
(03:23):
Europe, but like y'all overthere.
If y'all over there like fuckwith me.
Like D&Me, I want to meet you,I want to meet all of y'all, I
want to see all of y'all.
That's no Tino Shae, but I'mjust like I, just I be.
Those numbers always get mebecause I'm like damn, who is
this?
And y'all consisting Notconsistent with me and I love
(03:44):
that.
Okay, so y'all, hair change,hair change, hair change.
I did a little mini twist, girl.
I did with some hair edit.
Everybody thinks it's, thinksit's my hair, and I just love
that.
They think that my hair isprobably about half of this
length.
Maybe it's about half of it forreal, it's my half of it, but
this is my.
You know, this is my new look.
(04:04):
They y'all.
I don't know why I don't fuckinglisten to myself, my body, like
I really just be out here doinglife like I, you know, like
free will and shit, like I cando the fuck I want to do.
No, no, I can't.
So y'all know, in the lastepisode I had a cute little
someone I love that someone,damn and I had a closure, y'all.
(04:27):
It was only two inches, it wasa two by six.
They'd be like this small, thissmaller Y'all.
I'm so allergic to legs glue atthis point, like even the little
bit amount of glue just breaksout my whole hair line.
I'm really putting the air linejeopardy.
I can't I got to stop for it begiven traction out of Pisa or
(04:50):
just be getting thin with, beblowing in the wind, like I got
to cut it out, like it be itchy,it be flaky.
I be like like I'm pretty surey'all could say like y'all could
see it's a little discolorationright there.
It's just a little, you know,I'm saying I'm like I don't know
why I keep doing this shit.
So it's giving like if I do asong, when, again, it's giving
(05:10):
leave out.
It's giving leave out.
And I'm also this close, likereal, real close.
My fingers are pressed, thatfucking gather, actually a
permanent, relaxing my edgesbecause, look, I sent a tick to
and the girl in, a black girl,said do what you want to do with
your own hair.
Don't let the natural haircommunity tell you that you
should do this, you should dothat, or you shouldn't do this,
(05:32):
or you shouldn't do all thatother shit.
If you want to do it, fuckingdo it.
If you want to like your hair,like it.
If you want to perm your edges,perm it.
If you're not, maybe you're nota curly natural, maybe you're
just a heat train where yourhair straight card in there.
You know what I'm saying.
No, it's, you know what I'msaying.
Just do what the best, dowhat's best for you.
And so it's giving.
(05:54):
I'm gonna relax the edges, youknow, just put a little bit on
there so they could just lay thefuck down.
Because I get, because I'm notone of the ones that's gonna try
to sit there and try to do babyhairs on that To her.
If you, if you have a certaintype of hair texture, you can do
that.
You get that off with a littlewater, little.
You go stop jail or some kindof loose water-based jail.
But I'm not that girl.
(06:15):
I Put a little is crawl on thisbitch.
It'll probably stay for aboutfive minutes.
Don't let the warmth, don't letthe room get a little warm,
because that shit ball in thefuck back up.
Like I put some shit down, likeI laid it down a little bit,
like to look a littlepresentable, a little more cute
Just now, but I'm pretty sureabout it into the episode
they're gonna be bought the fuckback up and I said I'm not
(06:37):
going out like that and if I'mgonna be a song and girly, uh-uh
that she got a last.
So I'm finna, you know, just dothe edges and I might do, you
know, cuz it's my motherfuckingbusiness wherever my party's
depending on.
If the herd straight, I mightjust my sister say let's just do
a tix leg, so it's just losingyour curl pattern, it's not like
a hole, like it won't bestraight.
(06:58):
I kind of fuck with that.
You know, I'm saying just caseI might want to do a little
twist out of something it mightstill be able to give.
It might be a little long and alittle stretched out, but it
should be fine.
It should be fine.
So y'all, I have been a workoutgirly.
Y'all know.
If y'all made it to episode 50,you know that I've had many,
(07:21):
many workout journeys and I'mfor real this time.
This is actually my last yearwith this big ass back.
Rabbit the fuck up.
I'm done, I'm fucking done withthis big back shit.
Like I'm done with the longtummy, like it's over with the
flabby thoughts.
I'm doing.
I'm done with this shit.
I'm working out and eating,trying to eat better.
(07:43):
You know we're not gonna talkabout it.
I Been trying to do better andyou know I've been going to the
gym, you know so, and that'ssomething new.
That I've been trying islistening to podcasts and
watching shows and stuff in thegym, and that's why I get it.
I get it now.
That's why I'm gonna really tryto aim for 30 plus minutes and
more, because now I get it.
(08:04):
You know, because I do.
I get on the treadmill and Istay on that bit for about an
hour and I listen to hour-longpodcast and I'm just like, okay,
no, okay.
That's why I be trying not todo it.
Little ones I get it now.
Podcasts in the gym go togetherreal bad, even though I've been
a TV connoisseur, been in TVshow, kind of sewer.
But before we get to that, I'mtelling y'all right here, right
(08:26):
now, I'm giving it to September,because I got shit playing
every month this year up untilSeptember.
Well, after September, if thatback is big, I'm gonna go get
weight loss.
I don't give a fuck.
Gastric sleeve me, gastricbypass me, I don't give a fuck.
I Will not be going into my27th year of life big.
(08:50):
Okay, 26 is the last way.
I'm trying to 60s.
You're Fucking crazy, yikes,I'm gonna be 30 in a mini.
I'm gonna be knocking 30 rightin the fucking mouth, bitch.
Yeah, I'll get that in a minutecuz I just been.
I've been watching a lot of TV.
So y'all, I've been watching alot of TV.
(09:10):
We're gonna talk about some ofit now and Some later.
I've been watching Livingsingle.
It is one of my favorite shows,like very.
It's like, as far as sitcoms,burning Mac comes, but the
burning Mac show comes numberone.
Nothing beats that shit.
Nothing, I'm nothing, nothing,not a damn thing.
(09:30):
But living single, that's myshit.
That's my fucking shit.
I've been eating it up Now.
I've been saying I took a littlebreak on them.
(09:51):
I'm gonna tell you in a minutewhy.
But we're gonna get into thetopics and then we're gonna get
into why I took a little break.
So Miss Halle Bailey had thatbaby.
This was slowly news from lastweek but we weren't here.
Shout out to her and DDGCongratulations on her and them
and him with baby Halo.
(10:11):
We love that.
I think that is a beautiful nameand the girls were really upset
with Halle because they werelike you were gaslighting guys
this.
This is now like we were sayingyou had pregnant nose and you
was trying to tell us that itwas just because you was a black
woman and we was like friend,we know you black and we know
that black people be having widenoses, but we also know that
(10:33):
when we get pregnant, that nosegets even wider.
That's why it's called pregnantblack people nose and Halle was
like no bitch.
It's Me being black and y'allwas really mad that she gasly
child.
But my thing is, your mother'sbeen doing it for years, babe.
Your family has beengaslighting your ass this whole
time.
Be cool.
(10:55):
This way you don't worry aboutother people and that's why you
mind your motherfucking business.
Don't be mad with that womanbecause she told you bitch to
mind your business.
Y'all too damn nosy.
That's why y'all need to shutthe fuck up and leave people the
fuck alone.
That's just that.
Talking about Sunya, gasly, shegasly child girl, yeah, that's
(11:17):
our favorite word.
Gasly noses, anxiety, I'm justplaying like I get it.
I get depression.
Is I these real like amotherfucker?
But that's our favorite shit.
I be having a little depression, a little excited too, but it's
our favorite shit, isn't it not?
(11:38):
Is it not?
Is it not I?
Everybody's coming out thewoodworks and the priest is so
sad.
I just be real anxious.
We get it, babe.
You're anxious babe, me too, metoo, I be anxious too, y'all, I
.
You know, I really do not betrying to down the girls, I
(11:59):
don't, because you know, I liketo say that I'm a girl's girl,
like I'm here for women, but Iespouse.
What the fuck is this song?
You're not even the far bitchKept that kept it.
You could keep it.
That song is annoying and thatmotherfucking song that y'all
been the job, been trying toblow the fuck well, not trying
(12:21):
to.
Y'all blew up on tiktok.
They got their money.
Long song twin.
Where have you been?
I'm sick of it.
I'm fucking tired of it.
Everybody cuz I didn'tunderstand the height, even when
the girl in the blue pajamasblew the shit up.
I'm watching the video.
When it first hit my 4u page Isaid why did they got so many?
(12:42):
You know, no, no, no, hey, nashyou, but I'm so like why the
fuck got so many views likey'all fuck with this or
something like I couldn'tunderstand it.
And now here I come.
Now here, here come, everybodymaking you know videos to this
song, trying to do the samedance that she did a shit with
blue, blue pajamas on, and youknow Hills and shit in the snow
and all kinds of stupid goofyshit.
No, I'm just like.
(13:05):
Somebody said it best on tiktok,y'all better rep this shit up
by the weekend.
Wrap it the fuck up.
Oh, it's so irritating.
That did not make me want to godownload the shit, I want to
delete tiktok.
Honestly, I don't fuck with it,no, and everybody like money,
(13:29):
money to put her in a video.
Shit, god damn it.
She do need to put in the musicvideo something.
Something need to happen.
She need a little money, some,something some need to be, some
need to have because she blewthat bitch out the water.
You would have thought it washer mother fucking son the way
she, you know, saying she needsto be compensated.
That's it.
That's just how I feel.
(13:49):
Yeah, I saw some dead, the kids,you know, and I think this is
just something that allgenerations just say and it's
just our time to say it now.
They kids are just gettingreckless, reckless and reckless.
You know, I'm saying like Ijust you know, I'm saying
motherfucking children thesedays are just doing what the
fuck they wanted it.
(14:10):
Somebody's child Stole theirmother's credit card and wrecked
up $8,000.
And Sephora I Don't know if itwas, it had to be online Got
that little card number, boughtall that shit, $8,000 worth of
makeup, fragrance, all kinds ofbullshit, whatever Sephora be
having all of it.
(14:30):
My good sister's face said itsaid it best bring back wooden
spoons.
Oh, I would have tapped herhands the fuck out because you
don't, you don't, you don'tsteal from mother.
What's going on with you?
$8,000.
She in the comments talkingabout something, what I'm
supposed to do.
(14:51):
Fribe itch rebuked thatmotherfucker.
You didn't, you didn't makethem choices.
You don't know nothing aboutthem.
Charges that's fraudulentactivity on your account.
You didn't, you ain't never didnothing like that.
You better report this shitlike I don't know what the fuck
going on and then when you getdone tight, a little
motherfuckers hands up.
(15:15):
You know I'm all for like thegentle, pretend you know talking
to kids, not because you don'twant to hit her, because it's a
certain extent I want to be agentle parent, but I also know
who I am.
I Also know who I am and alsoknow that I have Very low
patience and I'm not gonna keeptelling you.
(15:36):
I already don't like to repeatmyself to grown adults.
I Don't like to repeat myself,period.
Motherfucker asked me what Isaid too many times.
I'd be like shit, nothing, Iwouldn't even talk about shit
and motherfuckers be gettingthere when I do that.
But it's just I'm, it's noteven that I don't want you to
know, it's just I'm tired ofsaying it.
(15:57):
I'm tired of fucking saying itso I don't repeat myself.
That's why I said when the Lordblesses me with a child, more,
for I gotta be about 35.
I Gotta be in my 30s.
You know, I gotta been a calmdown.
I also gotta do some more inthe work on the council because
if I was that baby right nowthat motherfucker Spend $8,000
(16:18):
on that motherfucker probably bein the city more.
I'm just playing.
I'm just saying because youplay too many games.
You play too many motherfuckinggames that Motherfuckers need
(16:39):
start.
You know tapping the ad.
You know get your ass.
You know I ain't saying yougotta go get the switch.
You know pull that bitch offthe tree.
But you know motherfuckers needto learn you.
That is not okay.
You cannot be doing that kindof shit.
Think it ain't no motherfuckers,you or all this shit and issues
.
Just both come to the house andwe just gonna be like, okay,
girl, muffles getting back whenyou just order, like when
(17:05):
mothers be playing the games ontheir phones, and they'd be like
, get this for like $2.99.
And they'd be like, yeah, let'sget it.
Muffles, tap them hands rightthere to the nerve and then they
took their phone away and theytell yo ass, go later.
Fuck down, cuz you're doing toomuch.
You're doing way too much.
I'm saying bring bait Heatingyour child.
(17:27):
You ain't got to do it publicly.
What they ass, what theymotherfucking ass, muffins be
like.
You know what we turned out.
All right, not the fuck, we didit.
But we guess what you want toget you some trauma here or now.
Ok, it's going to be now orlater, what do you want it?
(17:49):
But I bet you want to do thatshit.
No, fucking more.
I might stand the shit, right.
That's just what I'm saying.
I'm just hey, hey, hey, don'tshoot the message.
I'm just saying motherfuckersneed to learn that you can't be
racking up hell of a shit, hellof money at the motherfuckers
before.
Like that's crazy work.
Another thing I've seen is agirl.
(18:10):
She was on TikTok and she wasall like at my funeral I don't
want nobody to be eating aftermy service.
You literally just seen my bodygoing to the ground.
Y'all better be fucked upbehind me, y'all better be sick.
Like how can you even eat?
And knowing that I'm notwalking the earth anymore and I
(18:34):
had thought about that and Isaid, well, that's fucked up.
You know, like now, when thetime comes for more and
hopefully ain't no time soon.
We're talking about many, many,many, many, many, many, many,
many, many years from now.
I'm talking about decades ontop of decades on top of decades
(18:56):
.
You know, put a century inthere if you like.
Not too many of them know,because you know, hey, now bitch
might be tired after 200.
But I'm just like no at my,because this is how I just had
it in my head.
I just feel like because by thetime that happens, I've
(19:19):
probably lived a long life andyou know I have changed the
comedy gang forever, and so Ikind of feel like my service
would be something like you knowhow, like NBA player, you know
how, when Kobe passed, theNipsey Hustle passed like it was
televised it was thousands andthousands of people there.
That's kind of how I feel likeit's going to be.
(19:40):
But the thing is I don't, youknow and I'm not going to say I
don't want you to cry, becauseyou know that's inevitable
You're going to cry, you'regoing to cry.
So, and it's not because I wantyou to, it's because you know a
bitch died Like you're going tobe sad.
So I'm not going to say I don'twant you to cry, but I would
(20:01):
prefer if y'all laughed.
And so by this point I feellike I would have like at least
10 plus specials under my beltNetflix specials, hbo specials,
stand-up specials, like you know, and we're talking about hour
plus lane specials, and I wanty'all to break up the funniest
parts of each special and putthat bitch on the slideshow and
(20:22):
play that, because I don't wanty'all to be, you know, sad.
I want y'all motherfuckers tolaugh.
And then what I want y'all to doafter is I want y'all to make
sure y'all eat, because I don'tmiss no meals and I don't want
you to miss one either becauseI'm gone.
What the fuck?
That was the most selfish thingever.
Talking about some shit.
I want to talking about someshit.
I want people to eat afterthey're in a witness hug, going
(20:44):
into the ground, like how canyou even eat after that?
Well, bitch, when you go to thefuneral, do you not eat after?
What the fuck?
I can see like a immediatefamily not eating because you
know they be real fucked up, butyou know like if you're not
immediate, you're going tofucking eat.
It might be a little sad, butyou're going to put that
(21:04):
muscatroly on that plate, thatbig chicken or that barbecue
chicken is going on the plate,that Hawaiian roller is going on
that motherfucking plate andyou're going to sit there and
you're going to eat that shit up.
You're going to eat this bestfood you've had in a while Good
meal.
You know what I'm saying?
(21:27):
I'm saying have Lee cater mywedding.
I'm just saying have her catermy wedding, but my funeral
She'll cater that too.
But it's just like I wouldn'tsay no shit like that.
I want you to have a good meal,I want you to have a good Kiki.
(21:49):
You know what I'm saying?
Because, bitch, I'm funny and Idon't want you to be like, oh
my god.
And you all watch the clips andyou all laugh and you all be
like, damn, look.
And then you all, because youknow the brain going to trick
you, and be like, oh my god,she's not going to ever make you
all laugh like this again.
Then that thought makes youeven more sad.
No, bitch, if I just had youlaughing at this fire, well,
(22:11):
however long this motherfuckingslide show is, I could keep
doing it.
Just watch the specials overand over and over again.
Y'all helping my legacy.
And so watch the podcast.
Is shit going to be still goingto be here.
It ain't going nowhere.
I'm gonna be on any episode8000 by then.
Shit, I don't fucking know.
(22:34):
I'm talking, but I'm just likeyou know, I don't want you to be
.
I won't try to eat.
Basically, y'all could dowhatever the fuck, but I want
you all to eat.
Don't, don't not eat.
Okay, don't not eat.
I want you to eat, okay.
So now, this is what I wastalking about when I said I've
been watching the hell TV.
(22:55):
I'm talking about all of the TVshows and it's really.
It's really just what what I'vewatched.
I watched Living Single.
I watched about six seasons ofthat.
I'm already on episode I meannot episode like season three
and I kind of feel like we'vegot to be on season four.
I watched all four seasons ofCentral Baddies on that STV.
(23:19):
Now let's talk about them hoes.
Now I love good baddies on Zeus, but Central Baddies on
motherfucking not-ass TV, thembitches is that's some little
technical difficulties.
What the fuck technicaldifficulties?
God damn it.
Shit, I forgot.
I said y'all, I've been settingalarms for like in the
(23:42):
afternoon and they be going offat the wrong time and I'd be
fucking up Like I set an alarmfor 2.30 and I thought I set it
for PM but it went off at 2.30am and I set another one for 3
PM but it really was for 3 AM.
It's 3 AM currently.
Go watch 3 AM in Miami, please.
(24:04):
Anyway, that's what I wassaying.
Central Baddies, them bitches israw, they don't give a fuck.
You know what I'm saying.
Like baddies on Zeus is verylike.
I feel like it's a lot more puttogether and like, but it's it
Because I watch baddies on Zeussince from the like the first
(24:24):
season.
So where is it now?
And they've definitely likeupgraded, like their production,
like all of that shit.
And so Central Baddies is kindof like the same thing, the same
way, but the way that theyfight on Central Baddies they
don't fight like that on baddies.
Like baddies, they'll let youfight a little bit and like,
well, they really don't let youfight that long you fight and
(24:47):
their security is breaking thatup.
On Central Baddies, they giveyou 13, 15 seconds.
They be on their motherfuckingtime.
I said give me my 15 seconds,give me my 15 seconds.
All my soul, all my soul on theday, homies, this bitch is
about to die.
That's how they talk.
And y'all no T, no shade theease are the roughest looking
women I've ever seen.
I've ever fucking seen like Idon't want no problems with none
(25:11):
of the Central Baddies.
This is all jokes, bitch, I'm acomedian, do not try to come
over there.
Come over here and fucking hitme Because I seen the way you
bitches fight.
I'm not saying no bitch couldwhip my ass, but what I'm saying
is them bitches don't fightfair and they saying no rules of
fighting.
I'm here for that.
I'm here for that, but I don'tthink if I was to ever get one
(25:33):
of them one of them fights withtheir ass, shit I wouldn't want
to fight no more after that.
You know, and not to say likebitch, we got to pull the
bullets out.
You know these bitches go atthe top.
You don't know what I'm sayingBecause that's how hard they
fight.
Picture Worldstar with a camera.
You know what I'm saying.
That's how season one was.
The motherfucking Camberman wasseason one of Central Baddies.
(25:56):
The motherfucking Camberman wastalking to their ass.
You can't talk to their ass.
You was production, you waspart of production.
You can't be talking toCamberman talking to shit and he
running with the camera.
It's giving Worldstar.
It was giving Worldstar.
But now, like season four, likethey, the upgraded Isaiah that's
the producer, that's the CEO ofthe show he didn't actually
(26:18):
like elevated his shit.
You know they got back drives.
You know that he had a.
He had a her stylist to come inthere because they will snatch
the fuck out of a wig.
They will snatch a these fuckout.
Of.
Now they be snatching wigs onbaddies, on zoos, but the way
that these bitches be snatchingwigs on this motherfucker, y'all
these bitches are starting tocatch on.
They don't even come with theirwigs on them.
(26:39):
All these bitches is comingdown with a braid down and a
motherfucking swimming cap.
I didn't get that shit.
At first season four Episode oneof bitches was sitting there
with the swimming cap song andone bitch was wet.
So I'm thinking they actuallywent, you know, went swimming.
I think that motherfucker wassweating Cause they, they, they
(27:01):
in South Central.
So you know California is a hotmotherfucking.
You know what I'm saying.
But you know they sitting therewith the motherfucking you know
swim caps on that shit tight ontheir head like a motherfucking
counter, I didn't know whatthat she was about.
You know what I'm sayingBecause, like I'm not no fighter
bitch and I'm not finna playlike I am, like I don't think no
bitch gonna, you know, whip myass, but I'm not no fighter
bitch, to know that bitches putswim caps on so they don't pull
(27:22):
your hair.
I didn't know it's smart, causethey will scalp your ass on
that motherfucker.
I didn't sing season three.
Oh shit, what's her name?
Season three, social Barbie boy.
They pull all her motherfuckinghair off her head.
That shit was thin, blonde andwinging.
(27:43):
I said, bitch, you need to takea motherfucking clip straight
to that shit so you can get withthat.
Yeah, you know, I'm saying cuzit wasn't even shit on her head
after that.
And Then don't let.
And then, like, like I said, thebitches be coming with braids
on, they be having a littlefeedings.
You know, like the littlefeeding, you have a little bun
in the back.
Oh, them bitches will grab ahold of that bun and rip that
(28:04):
shit on the baby.
They had no her in the back, itwas red, back there it was.
It was bald and patchy.
I said, shit, hey, you bitchesare rough.
I mean, these bitches is likejunk, your dogs, these bugs.
Look, don't you fuck they?
They don't give a fuck and Ilove it.
I just be eating it up.
(28:25):
I said, oh my god, oh mygoodness, like they're really
rumbling and tumbling.
You know I'm into it, I'm intoyou know, the only thing that
they be doing that I don'treally fuck with is they be
spitting on each other, andthat's one of the one thing I
don't fuck with.
It's the body, body, lotta leaffluids.
That really irritates me about.
That.
Like, I really hate that theybe spitting on each other like
this.
That's nasty as fuck, babe.
(28:46):
You need to stop doing thatshit.
But under the net, like I'm herefor like and the thing is on
Central baddies, like they getso fucking mad.
They get so mad when, like whenthey asses get jumped
Rightfully, so well, when theyadd, but they jump each other.
It's not like one bitch justget jumped, like they be jumping
each other.
They get mad when bitches jump.
(29:08):
Let me, let me see.
I wrote some motion.
Motherfuckin, what the fuck is amoat?
I'm talking about notes, girl,I can't talk.
Like I said, it's 3 am, gowatch 3 am At Miami.
Where is it?
Where is it?
Where is it?
No, that's what I'm saying.
They be they be spitting oneach other.
(29:29):
They will vandalize people.
Shit.
They will.
You know I'm saying they willpour juice on your shit, as they
don't throw suitcases in thetub, cut the shower.
Oh, they will talk about yourdead relative relative can't
fucking talk.
They will talk about your baby.
They do all kinds of shit.
These bitches is crazy.
(29:51):
These are some motherfuckingscoundrels and I love them.
I Love bitch on season 39cashmere.
That motherfuckin she couldfight a ass off season three.
She had no motherfucking teethin her mouth.
I promise you that.
And like I said these somehard-looking bitches, she had
not one tooth in her mouth.
That motherfucking check clear.
(30:11):
Season four she came back.
She came back with all teeth inher mouth and that's what I
said and that's what the fuckI'm talking about now.
I ain't fuck with her lastseason there season three,
because I feel like she was.
She was doing a little too muchon that motherfucker.
But season four, like she was alittle cool but she was getting
her ass beaten.
I ain't really not like them,cash, because she's one of them
heavy hitters on the show, likeshe'll be that bitch down.
(30:33):
But she came back.
Season four she had thatmotherfucking swim cap on and
that mouth guard.
She said no bitch, knocking mymotherfucking teeth out because
everybody's out like I want cash, she, I want cash, she.
That's crazy to say.
That is so crazy to say.
One girl said bitch, go back,go back on the streets and sell
that pussy.
Go back and sell pussy, that'swhat you need to be doing.
(30:54):
And bitch turn around and saybitch, I don't even sell pussy,
no more.
I don't even say a pussy, nomore.
I said damn, that's a hell of astatement to say back to
somebody that you don't say apussy, no more.
Shout out to all the sixworkers.
You know I'm saying cuz wedon't dip, we don't discriminate
over it.
You know you got to do what yougot to do.
You know I'm saying like I'mnot trying to shame nobody.
You know I'm saying if that'swhat you got to do, this, what
(31:17):
you got to do now, if you youforce into the shit, and that's
a little different.
You know I feel a bit, but youknow I Hate that you got to do
that, but we're not gonna shamethe sex workers.
Did you know?
You just got to do what you gotto do.
Hey, now I Said, damn, like I'mhaving a ball of motherfucking
not as TV, that shit, thesubscription only like 599.
(31:39):
Like I'm look, they need topromote, they need to have me
promote the shit because I fuckwith it, I fuck with it's ghetto
as hell.
And like bitches be fightingtitties, be Sorry, mikey, the
titties be everywhere.
And I'm like, yeah and not, andit's like sometimes on it's
sometimes they blur the shit out, it's sometimes they don't.
It's so inconsistent.
But I think that's what makesthe show great.
(32:01):
It gives a character.
Sometimes your titties aregonna be blurred out and
sometimes they're not.
That's what that's.
That's what that's.
That's what comes with being onthe show.
But I love it like I eat it upevery time.
I think it's the bestmotherfucking show ever.
Let me tell you, um, let me see,let me see, let me see, let me
see, let me see.
But that show, that show is infucking saying like I didn't
(32:25):
know that it was gonna be all ofwhat it was, like I Did not
know that that shit was gonna belike that.
I know that bitch gonna beturned like that, like the girl
that I said cashmere, when shehad a motherfucking Mouth guard
her mouth, that she got to thatfirst fight, the motherfucking
mouth guard went flying acrossthe goddamn room like a, like a
boomerang bitch.
I said that and it didn't comeback.
(32:47):
He didn't come back.
But yeah, that's my shit,though.
And now I'm watching this otherone.
It's called what's called youngand reckless.
Young Turned in, reckless, it'ssome other shit on her and I
think it's supposed to be justlike central baddies, but with
batter bitches.
These bitches is actually cuteand that's not to know.
(33:08):
Shit like dumb bitches, likesome of them on central baddies
was cute, but they, like I saida little like they went and
found the roughest or theroughest of the roughest looking
bitches in South Central.
I'm just like Jesus, likefather, bless them.
What's going on?
But you know, I ain't gonnatalk too much.
I ain't gonna talk too muchshit about them, cuz I don't
(33:29):
want they asked to come overhere and try to beat my ass.
And look, I'm not finna, fightyou like no dog is beach.
I'm not finna be doing all ofthat.
I don't want to fight Will bethe big ass.
Please don't, please don't tryme.
I don't want, I don't want totry you.
Let's, everybody respecteverybody.
Everybody respect everybody.
That's the one, all right, allright, I think that was solid.
See, then that's a solidepisode right there.
(33:51):
That's a solid, motherfuckingepisode.
This shit was 18 minutes.
I was so pissed.
But that's what I'm talkingabout.
Episode 50.
Y'all, thank y'all.
Okay, I ain't even finishing.
I didn't even finish it.
Y'all Was my wise words,sighing, okay.
So the song of the week,basically it's daylight by David
Kushner.
(34:11):
Y'all know I'd be on my wifeymachine.
You know I got stood, I gots totune in, I gots to tap in with
them.
Sometimes they should just betoo good like not to listen.
You know sense.
So daylight by David Kushner,it is a great fucking song.
I'm not finishing it because,god damn it, y'all just go
listen.
Y'all gots to listen.
But all right, y'all.
(34:32):
I want to thank y'all forautumn.
If y'all are listening, makesure that y'all like if, what
the hell are you saying?
If y'all are on listeningplatforms or if you are
listening, please make sure thatyou rate the podcast and leave
a review.
There we go.
If you are watching on YouTube,please like, comment and
subscribe.
Click the notification bill.
(34:54):
Lets you know every time Iupload.
Love that, oh.
And plus, we got some newsubscribers.
Y'all, y'all fuck with me.
I came from the dick the cat isking episode and I love y'all.
Hey, new baby jokers, hope youstay around.
Stick around.
I hope you like what you see,okay.
So yeah, thank you guys forlistening, thank you guys for
watching.
(35:14):
I'm just trying to change theworld one joke at a time.
Salute, peace out.
Welcome back to another episode of my life is a
joke and I'm your host, fee.
What's going on, baby Joker's?
What's going on?
I hope everyone is well, it isepisode 50, bitch.
We made it, we fucking made it.
And let me tell you I reallydid Y'all.
I actually did sit down torecord episode last week but
(00:29):
that motherfucker will only 18minutes and I said I can't do
that to them.
I can't do them.
It's either it's always 25 orbetter Okay around here, because
I know I got a couple ofepisodes.
I feel like they're like the 22, 23 market, next childish.
I'm aware, yeah, but what thefuck I was going to say, yeah,
(00:51):
so episode 50 real, real,appreciative, real glad that
we're here, like if y'all havelistened from episode one, if
y'all have watched since episodeone.
I fought with you, even if youjust jumped in and just started
listening, I don't care, I fuckwith you because y'all, y'all,
y'all are the real ones.
You know what I'm saying.
I fuck with the baby Joebecause I love y'all.
(01:12):
I really do.
You know, I, sometimes I reallyI have to work on myself.
Real bad, because like I be sosad, I'm sorry.
You know, I'm saying like Iprocrastinated this episode this
whole week.
I'm like, damn, we're going tolike episode 50.
Yeah, real exciting.
But it's just like, damn,episode 50.
(01:32):
Like.
And then I put all of thesedifferent things that I wanted
to do.
Like sometimes I just be upsetbecause I don't be planning the
stuff out how I want to plan itout and so in return, y'all
suffer.
I hate that.
So I said you know what, we'renot going to do too much, we're
going to give the good, becauseI had one to do like a whole
whole lot of extra shit.
And it's just I like, babe,either you're going to do it or
(01:55):
you're going to do it or you'renot.
You're not, and it's okay.
So I said you know what, we'lljust go without all of that
extra bullshit and just give myregular episode, because this is
what y'all won't.
You know I'm saying this iswhat y'all want, this is what
y'all come here for.
You know what I'm saying.
But y'all shout out toeverybody that watches and
listens.
I really appreciate y'all.
I'm really proud of us.
I'm really proud of me.
It's been a long time coming.
(02:17):
It's been a long goddamn time.
I suppose it's been months ago.
But we're not going to talkabout it.
We're not going to talk aboutit.
You know I be gone, I be gone,y'all be gone sometime, but
y'all.
I appreciate everybody.
And to whoever, and to whoeveris listening to me over there in
(02:38):
Germany, I fuck with youBecause, first of all, people
listen to the podcast all overthe world.
Like I pay extra money on mylittle podcast distributor
website to know where mylisteners are and I don't know
who you are.
D&me, I want to put a face withit.
Who are you?
(02:58):
Like you, you loyal too.
Like it's a y'all.
You don't watch the couple ofepisodes like from the beginning
and it's and it's look and it'slook like it might be a gang of
y'all because it's like theylike for real for a little like
a fourth of it.
Like my listeners.
Like it's from Germany, like Ifuck with that.
Hello, okay, or maybe it's notGermany, maybe it's just like
(03:23):
Europe, but like y'all overthere.
If y'all over there like fuckwith me.
Like D&Me, I want to meet you,I want to meet all of y'all, I
want to see all of y'all.
That's no Tino Shae, but I'mjust like I, just I be.
Those numbers always get mebecause I'm like damn, who is
this?
And y'all consisting Notconsistent with me and I love
(03:44):
that.
Okay, so y'all, hair change,hair change, hair change.
I did a little mini twist, girl.
I did with some hair edit.
Everybody thinks it's, thinksit's my hair, and I just love
that.
They think that my hair isprobably about half of this
length.
Maybe it's about half of it forreal, it's my half of it, but
this is my.
You know, this is my new look.
(04:04):
They y'all.
I don't know why I don't fuckinglisten to myself, my body, like
I really just be out here doinglife like I, you know, like
free will and shit, like I cando the fuck I want to do.
No, no, I can't.
So y'all know, in the lastepisode I had a cute little
someone I love that someone,damn and I had a closure, y'all.
(04:27):
It was only two inches, it wasa two by six.
They'd be like this small, thissmaller Y'all.
I'm so allergic to legs glue atthis point, like even the little
bit amount of glue just breaksout my whole hair line.
I'm really putting the air linejeopardy.
I can't I got to stop for it begiven traction out of Pisa or
(04:50):
just be getting thin with, beblowing in the wind, like I got
to cut it out, like it be itchy,it be flaky.
I be like like I'm pretty surey'all could say like y'all could
see it's a little discolorationright there.
It's just a little, you know,I'm saying I'm like I don't know
why I keep doing this shit.
So it's giving like if I do asong, when, again, it's giving
(05:10):
leave out.
It's giving leave out.
And I'm also this close, likereal, real close.
My fingers are pressed, thatfucking gather, actually a
permanent, relaxing my edgesbecause, look, I sent a tick to
and the girl in, a black girl,said do what you want to do with
your own hair.
Don't let the natural haircommunity tell you that you
should do this, you should dothat, or you shouldn't do this,
(05:32):
or you shouldn't do all thatother shit.
If you want to do it, fuckingdo it.
If you want to like your hair,like it.
If you want to perm your edges,perm it.
If you're not, maybe you're nota curly natural, maybe you're
just a heat train where yourhair straight card in there.
You know what I'm saying.
No, it's, you know what I'msaying.
Just do what the best, dowhat's best for you.
And so it's giving.
(05:54):
I'm gonna relax the edges, youknow, just put a little bit on
there so they could just lay thefuck down.
Because I get, because I'm notone of the ones that's gonna try
to sit there and try to do babyhairs on that To her.
If you, if you have a certaintype of hair texture, you can do
that.
You get that off with a littlewater, little.
You go stop jail or some kindof loose water-based jail.
But I'm not that girl.
(06:15):
I Put a little is crawl on thisbitch.
It'll probably stay for aboutfive minutes.
Don't let the warmth, don't letthe room get a little warm,
because that shit ball in thefuck back up.
Like I put some shit down, likeI laid it down a little bit,
like to look a littlepresentable, a little more cute
Just now, but I'm pretty sureabout it into the episode
they're gonna be bought the fuckback up and I said I'm not
(06:37):
going out like that and if I'mgonna be a song and girly, uh-uh
that she got a last.
So I'm finna, you know, just dothe edges and I might do, you
know, cuz it's my motherfuckingbusiness wherever my party's
depending on.
If the herd straight, I mightjust my sister say let's just do
a tix leg, so it's just losingyour curl pattern, it's not like
a hole, like it won't bestraight.
(06:58):
I kind of fuck with that.
You know, I'm saying just caseI might want to do a little
twist out of something it mightstill be able to give.
It might be a little long and alittle stretched out, but it
should be fine.
It should be fine.
So y'all, I have been a workoutgirly.
Y'all know.
If y'all made it to episode 50,you know that I've had many,
(07:21):
many workout journeys and I'mfor real this time.
This is actually my last yearwith this big ass back.
Rabbit the fuck up.
I'm done, I'm fucking done withthis big back shit.
Like I'm done with the longtummy, like it's over with the
flabby thoughts.
I'm doing.
I'm done with this shit.
I'm working out and eating,trying to eat better.
(07:43):
You know we're not gonna talkabout it.
I Been trying to do better andyou know I've been going to the
gym, you know so, and that'ssomething new.
That I've been trying islistening to podcasts and
watching shows and stuff in thegym, and that's why I get it.
I get it now.
That's why I'm gonna really tryto aim for 30 plus minutes and
more, because now I get it.
(08:04):
You know, because I do.
I get on the treadmill and Istay on that bit for about an
hour and I listen to hour-longpodcast and I'm just like, okay,
no, okay.
That's why I be trying not todo it.
Little ones I get it now.
Podcasts in the gym go togetherreal bad, even though I've been
a TV connoisseur, been in TVshow, kind of sewer.
But before we get to that, I'mtelling y'all right here, right
(08:26):
now, I'm giving it to September,because I got shit playing
every month this year up untilSeptember.
Well, after September, if thatback is big, I'm gonna go get
weight loss.
I don't give a fuck.
Gastric sleeve me, gastricbypass me, I don't give a fuck.
I Will not be going into my27th year of life big.
(08:50):
Okay, 26 is the last way.
I'm trying to 60s.
You're Fucking crazy, yikes,I'm gonna be 30 in a mini.
I'm gonna be knocking 30 rightin the fucking mouth, bitch.
Yeah, I'll get that in a minutecuz I just been.
I've been watching a lot of TV.
So y'all, I've been watching alot of TV.
(09:10):
We're gonna talk about some ofit now and Some later.
I've been watching Livingsingle.
It is one of my favorite shows,like very.
It's like, as far as sitcoms,burning Mac comes, but the
burning Mac show comes numberone.
Nothing beats that shit.
Nothing, I'm nothing, nothing,not a damn thing.
(09:30):
But living single, that's myshit.
That's my fucking shit.
I've been eating it up Now.
I've been saying I took a littlebreak on them.
(09:51):
I'm gonna tell you in a minutewhy.
But we're gonna get into thetopics and then we're gonna get
into why I took a little break.
So Miss Halle Bailey had thatbaby.
This was slowly news from lastweek but we weren't here.
Shout out to her and DDGCongratulations on her and them
and him with baby Halo.
(10:11):
We love that.
I think that is a beautiful nameand the girls were really upset
with Halle because they werelike you were gaslighting guys
this.
This is now like we were sayingyou had pregnant nose and you
was trying to tell us that itwas just because you was a black
woman and we was like friend,we know you black and we know
that black people be having widenoses, but we also know that
(10:33):
when we get pregnant, that nosegets even wider.
That's why it's called pregnantblack people nose and Halle was
like no bitch.
It's Me being black and y'allwas really mad that she gasly
child.
But my thing is, your mother'sbeen doing it for years, babe.
Your family has beengaslighting your ass this whole
time.
Be cool.
(10:55):
This way you don't worry aboutother people and that's why you
mind your motherfucking business.
Don't be mad with that womanbecause she told you bitch to
mind your business.
Y'all too damn nosy.
That's why y'all need to shutthe fuck up and leave people the
fuck alone.
That's just that.
Talking about Sunya, gasly, shegasly child girl, yeah, that's
(11:17):
our favorite word.
Gasly noses, anxiety, I'm justplaying like I get it.
I get depression.
Is I these real like amotherfucker?
But that's our favorite shit.
I be having a little depression, a little excited too, but it's
our favorite shit, isn't it not?
(11:38):
Is it not?
Is it not I?
Everybody's coming out thewoodworks and the priest is so
sad.
I just be real anxious.
We get it, babe.
You're anxious babe, me too, metoo, I be anxious too, y'all, I
.
You know, I really do not betrying to down the girls, I
(11:59):
don't, because you know, I liketo say that I'm a girl's girl,
like I'm here for women, but Iespouse.
What the fuck is this song?
You're not even the far bitchKept that kept it.
You could keep it.
That song is annoying and thatmotherfucking song that y'all
been the job, been trying toblow the fuck well, not trying
(12:21):
to.
Y'all blew up on tiktok.
They got their money.
Long song twin.
Where have you been?
I'm sick of it.
I'm fucking tired of it.
Everybody cuz I didn'tunderstand the height, even when
the girl in the blue pajamasblew the shit up.
I'm watching the video.
When it first hit my 4u page Isaid why did they got so many?
(12:42):
You know, no, no, no, hey, nashyou, but I'm so like why the
fuck got so many views likey'all fuck with this or
something like I couldn'tunderstand it.
And now here I come.
Now here, here come, everybodymaking you know videos to this
song, trying to do the samedance that she did a shit with
blue, blue pajamas on, and youknow Hills and shit in the snow
and all kinds of stupid goofyshit.
No, I'm just like.
(13:05):
Somebody said it best on tiktok,y'all better rep this shit up
by the weekend.
Wrap it the fuck up.
Oh, it's so irritating.
That did not make me want to godownload the shit, I want to
delete tiktok.
Honestly, I don't fuck with it,no, and everybody like money,
(13:29):
money to put her in a video.
Shit, god damn it.
She do need to put in the musicvideo something.
Something need to happen.
She need a little money, some,something some need to be, some
need to have because she blewthat bitch out the water.
You would have thought it washer mother fucking son the way
she, you know, saying she needsto be compensated.
That's it.
That's just how I feel.
(13:49):
Yeah, I saw some dead, the kids,you know, and I think this is
just something that allgenerations just say and it's
just our time to say it now.
They kids are just gettingreckless, reckless and reckless.
You know, I'm saying like Ijust you know, I'm saying
motherfucking children thesedays are just doing what the
fuck they wanted it.
(14:10):
Somebody's child Stole theirmother's credit card and wrecked
up $8,000.
And Sephora I Don't know if itwas, it had to be online Got
that little card number, boughtall that shit, $8,000 worth of
makeup, fragrance, all kinds ofbullshit, whatever Sephora be
having all of it.
(14:30):
My good sister's face said itsaid it best bring back wooden
spoons.
Oh, I would have tapped herhands the fuck out because you
don't, you don't, you don'tsteal from mother.
What's going on with you?
$8,000.
She in the comments talkingabout something, what I'm
supposed to do.
(14:51):
Fribe itch rebuked thatmotherfucker.
You didn't, you didn't makethem choices.
You don't know nothing aboutthem.
Charges that's fraudulentactivity on your account.
You didn't, you ain't never didnothing like that.
You better report this shitlike I don't know what the fuck
going on and then when you getdone tight, a little
motherfuckers hands up.
(15:15):
You know I'm all for like thegentle, pretend you know talking
to kids, not because you don'twant to hit her, because it's a
certain extent I want to be agentle parent, but I also know
who I am.
I Also know who I am and alsoknow that I have Very low
patience and I'm not gonna keeptelling you.
(15:36):
I already don't like to repeatmyself to grown adults.
I Don't like to repeat myself,period.
Motherfucker asked me what Isaid too many times.
I'd be like shit, nothing, Iwouldn't even talk about shit
and motherfuckers be gettingthere when I do that.
But it's just I'm, it's noteven that I don't want you to
know, it's just I'm tired ofsaying it.
(15:57):
I'm tired of fucking saying itso I don't repeat myself.
That's why I said when the Lordblesses me with a child, more,
for I gotta be about 35.
I Gotta be in my 30s.
You know, I gotta been a calmdown.
I also gotta do some more inthe work on the council because
if I was that baby right nowthat motherfucker Spend $8,000
(16:18):
on that motherfucker probably bein the city more.
I'm just playing.
I'm just saying because youplay too many games.
You play too many motherfuckinggames that Motherfuckers need
(16:39):
start.
You know tapping the ad.
You know get your ass.
You know I ain't saying yougotta go get the switch.
You know pull that bitch offthe tree.
But you know motherfuckers needto learn you.
That is not okay.
You cannot be doing that kindof shit.
Think it ain't no motherfuckers,you or all this shit and issues
.
Just both come to the house andwe just gonna be like, okay,
girl, muffles getting back whenyou just order, like when
(17:05):
mothers be playing the games ontheir phones, and they'd be like
, get this for like $2.99.
And they'd be like, yeah, let'sget it.
Muffles, tap them hands rightthere to the nerve and then they
took their phone away and theytell yo ass, go later.
Fuck down, cuz you're doing toomuch.
You're doing way too much.
I'm saying bring bait Heatingyour child.
(17:27):
You ain't got to do it publicly.
What they ass, what theymotherfucking ass, muffins be
like.
You know what we turned out.
All right, not the fuck, we didit.
But we guess what you want toget you some trauma here or now.
Ok, it's going to be now orlater, what do you want it?
(17:49):
But I bet you want to do thatshit.
No, fucking more.
I might stand the shit, right.
That's just what I'm saying.
I'm just hey, hey, hey, don'tshoot the message.
I'm just saying motherfuckersneed to learn that you can't be
racking up hell of a shit, hellof money at the motherfuckers
before.
Like that's crazy work.
Another thing I've seen is agirl.
(18:10):
She was on TikTok and she wasall like at my funeral I don't
want nobody to be eating aftermy service.
You literally just seen my bodygoing to the ground.
Y'all better be fucked upbehind me, y'all better be sick.
Like how can you even eat?
And knowing that I'm notwalking the earth anymore and I
(18:34):
had thought about that and Isaid, well, that's fucked up.
You know, like now, when thetime comes for more and
hopefully ain't no time soon.
We're talking about many, many,many, many, many, many, many,
many, many years from now.
I'm talking about decades ontop of decades on top of decades
(18:56):
.
You know, put a century inthere if you like.
Not too many of them know,because you know, hey, now bitch
might be tired after 200.
But I'm just like no at my,because this is how I just had
it in my head.
I just feel like because by thetime that happens, I've
(19:19):
probably lived a long life andyou know I have changed the
comedy gang forever, and so Ikind of feel like my service
would be something like you knowhow, like NBA player, you know
how, when Kobe passed, theNipsey Hustle passed like it was
televised it was thousands andthousands of people there.
That's kind of how I feel likeit's going to be.
(19:40):
But the thing is I don't, youknow and I'm not going to say I
don't want you to cry, becauseyou know that's inevitable
You're going to cry, you'regoing to cry.
So, and it's not because I wantyou to, it's because you know a
bitch died Like you're going tobe sad.
So I'm not going to say I don'twant you to cry, but I would
(20:01):
prefer if y'all laughed.
And so by this point I feellike I would have like at least
10 plus specials under my beltNetflix specials, hbo specials,
stand-up specials, like you know, and we're talking about hour
plus lane specials, and I wanty'all to break up the funniest
parts of each special and putthat bitch on the slideshow and
(20:22):
play that, because I don't wanty'all to be, you know, sad.
I want y'all motherfuckers tolaugh.
And then what I want y'all to doafter is I want y'all to make
sure y'all eat, because I don'tmiss no meals and I don't want
you to miss one either becauseI'm gone.
What the fuck?
That was the most selfish thingever.
Talking about some shit.
I want to talking about someshit.
I want people to eat afterthey're in a witness hug, going
(20:44):
into the ground, like how canyou even eat after that?
Well, bitch, when you go to thefuneral, do you not eat after?
What the fuck?
I can see like a immediatefamily not eating because you
know they be real fucked up, butyou know like if you're not
immediate, you're going tofucking eat.
It might be a little sad, butyou're going to put that
(21:04):
muscatroly on that plate, thatbig chicken or that barbecue
chicken is going on the plate,that Hawaiian roller is going on
that motherfucking plate andyou're going to sit there and
you're going to eat that shit up.
You're going to eat this bestfood you've had in a while Good
meal.
You know what I'm saying?
(21:27):
I'm saying have Lee cater mywedding.
I'm just saying have her catermy wedding, but my funeral
She'll cater that too.
But it's just like I wouldn'tsay no shit like that.
I want you to have a good meal,I want you to have a good Kiki.
(21:49):
You know what I'm saying?
Because, bitch, I'm funny and Idon't want you to be like, oh
my god.
And you all watch the clips andyou all laugh and you all be
like, damn, look.
And then you all, because youknow the brain going to trick
you, and be like, oh my god,she's not going to ever make you
all laugh like this again.
Then that thought makes youeven more sad.
No, bitch, if I just had youlaughing at this fire, well,
(22:11):
however long this motherfuckingslide show is, I could keep
doing it.
Just watch the specials overand over and over again.
Y'all helping my legacy.
And so watch the podcast.
Is shit going to be still goingto be here.
It ain't going nowhere.
I'm gonna be on any episode8000 by then.
Shit, I don't fucking know.
(22:34):
I'm talking, but I'm just likeyou know, I don't want you to be
.
I won't try to eat.
Basically, y'all could dowhatever the fuck, but I want
you all to eat.
Don't, don't not eat.
Okay, don't not eat.
I want you to eat, okay.
So now, this is what I wastalking about when I said I've
been watching the hell TV.
(22:55):
I'm talking about all of the TVshows and it's really.
It's really just what what I'vewatched.
I watched Living Single.
I watched about six seasons ofthat.
I'm already on episode I meannot episode like season three
and I kind of feel like we'vegot to be on season four.
I watched all four seasons ofCentral Baddies on that STV.
(23:19):
Now let's talk about them hoes.
Now I love good baddies on Zeus, but Central Baddies on
motherfucking not-ass TV, thembitches is that's some little
technical difficulties.
What the fuck technicaldifficulties?
God damn it.
Shit, I forgot.
I said y'all, I've been settingalarms for like in the
(23:42):
afternoon and they be going offat the wrong time and I'd be
fucking up Like I set an alarmfor 2.30 and I thought I set it
for PM but it went off at 2.30am and I set another one for 3
PM but it really was for 3 AM.
It's 3 AM currently.
Go watch 3 AM in Miami, please.
(24:04):
Anyway, that's what I wassaying.
Central Baddies, them bitches israw, they don't give a fuck.
You know what I'm saying.
Like baddies on Zeus is verylike.
I feel like it's a lot more puttogether and like, but it's it
Because I watch baddies on Zeussince from the like the first
(24:24):
season.
So where is it now?
And they've definitely likeupgraded, like their production,
like all of that shit.
And so Central Baddies is kindof like the same thing, the same
way, but the way that theyfight on Central Baddies they
don't fight like that on baddies.
Like baddies, they'll let youfight a little bit and like,
well, they really don't let youfight that long you fight and
(24:47):
their security is breaking thatup.
On Central Baddies, they giveyou 13, 15 seconds.
They be on their motherfuckingtime.
I said give me my 15 seconds,give me my 15 seconds.
All my soul, all my soul on theday, homies, this bitch is
about to die.
That's how they talk.
And y'all no T, no shade theease are the roughest looking
women I've ever seen.
I've ever fucking seen like Idon't want no problems with none
(25:11):
of the Central Baddies.
This is all jokes, bitch, I'm acomedian, do not try to come
over there.
Come over here and fucking hitme Because I seen the way you
bitches fight.
I'm not saying no bitch couldwhip my ass, but what I'm saying
is them bitches don't fightfair and they saying no rules of
fighting.
I'm here for that.
I'm here for that, but I don'tthink if I was to ever get one
(25:33):
of them one of them fights withtheir ass, shit I wouldn't want
to fight no more after that.
You know, and not to say likebitch, we got to pull the
bullets out.
You know these bitches go atthe top.
You don't know what I'm sayingBecause that's how hard they
fight.
Picture Worldstar with a camera.
You know what I'm saying.
That's how season one was.
The motherfucking Camberman wasseason one of Central Baddies.
(25:56):
The motherfucking Camberman wastalking to their ass.
You can't talk to their ass.
You was production, you waspart of production.
You can't be talking toCamberman talking to shit and he
running with the camera.
It's giving Worldstar.
It was giving Worldstar.
But now, like season four, likethey, the upgraded Isaiah that's
the producer, that's the CEO ofthe show he didn't actually
(26:18):
like elevated his shit.
You know they got back drives.
You know that he had a.
He had a her stylist to come inthere because they will snatch
the fuck out of a wig.
They will snatch a these fuckout.
Of.
Now they be snatching wigs onbaddies, on zoos, but the way
that these bitches be snatchingwigs on this motherfucker, y'all
these bitches are starting tocatch on.
They don't even come with theirwigs on them.
(26:39):
All these bitches is comingdown with a braid down and a
motherfucking swimming cap.
I didn't get that shit.
At first season four Episode oneof bitches was sitting there
with the swimming cap song andone bitch was wet.
So I'm thinking they actuallywent, you know, went swimming.
I think that motherfucker wassweating Cause they, they, they
(27:01):
in South Central.
So you know California is a hotmotherfucking.
You know what I'm saying.
But you know they sitting therewith the motherfucking you know
swim caps on that shit tight ontheir head like a motherfucking
counter, I didn't know whatthat she was about.
You know what I'm sayingBecause, like I'm not no fighter
bitch and I'm not finna playlike I am, like I don't think no
bitch gonna, you know, whip myass, but I'm not no fighter
bitch, to know that bitches putswim caps on so they don't pull
(27:22):
your hair.
I didn't know it's smart, causethey will scalp your ass on
that motherfucker.
I didn't sing season three.
Oh shit, what's her name?
Season three, social Barbie boy.
They pull all her motherfuckinghair off her head.
That shit was thin, blonde andwinging.
(27:43):
I said, bitch, you need to takea motherfucking clip straight
to that shit so you can get withthat.
Yeah, you know, I'm saying cuzit wasn't even shit on her head
after that.
And Then don't let.
And then, like, like I said, thebitches be coming with braids
on, they be having a littlefeedings.
You know, like the littlefeeding, you have a little bun
in the back.
Oh, them bitches will grab ahold of that bun and rip that
(28:04):
shit on the baby.
They had no her in the back, itwas red, back there it was.
It was bald and patchy.
I said, shit, hey, you bitchesare rough.
I mean, these bitches is likejunk, your dogs, these bugs.
Look, don't you fuck they?
They don't give a fuck and Ilove it.
I just be eating it up.
(28:25):
I said, oh my god, oh mygoodness, like they're really
rumbling and tumbling.
You know I'm into it, I'm intoyou know, the only thing that
they be doing that I don'treally fuck with is they be
spitting on each other, andthat's one of the one thing I
don't fuck with.
It's the body, body, lotta leaffluids.
That really irritates me about.
That.
Like, I really hate that theybe spitting on each other like
this.
That's nasty as fuck, babe.
(28:46):
You need to stop doing thatshit.
But under the net, like I'm herefor like and the thing is on
Central baddies, like they getso fucking mad.
They get so mad when, like whenthey asses get jumped
Rightfully, so well, when theyadd, but they jump each other.
It's not like one bitch justget jumped, like they be jumping
each other.
They get mad when bitches jump.
(29:08):
Let me, let me see.
I wrote some motion.
Motherfuckin, what the fuck is amoat?
I'm talking about notes, girl,I can't talk.
Like I said, it's 3 am, gowatch 3 am At Miami.
Where is it?
Where is it?
Where is it?
No, that's what I'm saying.
They be they be spitting oneach other.
(29:29):
They will vandalize people.
Shit.
They will.
You know I'm saying they willpour juice on your shit, as they
don't throw suitcases in thetub, cut the shower.
Oh, they will talk about yourdead relative relative can't
fucking talk.
They will talk about your baby.
They do all kinds of shit.
These bitches is crazy.
(29:51):
These are some motherfuckingscoundrels and I love them.
I Love bitch on season 39cashmere.
That motherfuckin she couldfight a ass off season three.
She had no motherfucking teethin her mouth.
I promise you that.
And like I said these somehard-looking bitches, she had
not one tooth in her mouth.
That motherfucking check clear.
(30:11):
Season four she came back.
She came back with all teeth inher mouth and that's what I
said and that's what the fuckI'm talking about now.
I ain't fuck with her lastseason there season three,
because I feel like she was.
She was doing a little too muchon that motherfucker.
But season four, like she was alittle cool but she was getting
her ass beaten.
I ain't really not like them,cash, because she's one of them
heavy hitters on the show, likeshe'll be that bitch down.
(30:33):
But she came back.
Season four she had thatmotherfucking swim cap on and
that mouth guard.
She said no bitch, knocking mymotherfucking teeth out because
everybody's out like I want cash, she, I want cash, she.
That's crazy to say.
That is so crazy to say.
One girl said bitch, go back,go back on the streets and sell
that pussy.
Go back and sell pussy, that'swhat you need to be doing.
(30:54):
And bitch turn around and saybitch, I don't even sell pussy,
no more.
I don't even say a pussy, nomore.
I said damn, that's a hell of astatement to say back to
somebody that you don't say apussy, no more.
Shout out to all the sixworkers.
You know I'm saying cuz wedon't dip, we don't discriminate
over it.
You know you got to do what yougot to do.
You know I'm saying like I'mnot trying to shame nobody.
You know I'm saying if that'swhat you got to do, this, what
(31:17):
you got to do now, if you youforce into the shit, and that's
a little different.
You know I feel a bit, but youknow I Hate that you got to do
that, but we're not gonna shamethe sex workers.
Did you know?
You just got to do what you gotto do.
Hey, now I Said, damn, like I'mhaving a ball of motherfucking
not as TV, that shit, thesubscription only like 599.
(31:39):
Like I'm look, they need topromote, they need to have me
promote the shit because I fuckwith it, I fuck with it's ghetto
as hell.
And like bitches be fightingtitties, be Sorry, mikey, the
titties be everywhere.
And I'm like, yeah and not, andit's like sometimes on it's
sometimes they blur the shit out, it's sometimes they don't.
It's so inconsistent.
But I think that's what makesthe show great.
(32:01):
It gives a character.
Sometimes your titties aregonna be blurred out and
sometimes they're not.
That's what that's.
That's what that's.
That's what comes with being onthe show.
But I love it like I eat it upevery time.
I think it's the bestmotherfucking show ever.
Let me tell you, um, let me see,let me see, let me see, let me
see, let me see.
But that show, that show is infucking saying like I didn't
(32:25):
know that it was gonna be all ofwhat it was, like I Did not
know that that shit was gonna belike that.
I know that bitch gonna beturned like that, like the girl
that I said cashmere, when shehad a motherfucking Mouth guard
her mouth, that she got to thatfirst fight, the motherfucking
mouth guard went flying acrossthe goddamn room like a, like a
boomerang bitch.
I said that and it didn't comeback.
(32:47):
He didn't come back.
But yeah, that's my shit,though.
And now I'm watching this otherone.
It's called what's called youngand reckless.
Young Turned in, reckless, it'ssome other shit on her and I
think it's supposed to be justlike central baddies, but with
batter bitches.
These bitches is actually cuteand that's not to know.
(33:08):
Shit like dumb bitches, likesome of them on central baddies
was cute, but they, like I saida little like they went and
found the roughest or theroughest of the roughest looking
bitches in South Central.
I'm just like Jesus, likefather, bless them.
What's going on?
But you know, I ain't gonnatalk too much.
I ain't gonna talk too muchshit about them, cuz I don't
(33:29):
want they asked to come overhere and try to beat my ass.
And look, I'm not finna, fightyou like no dog is beach.
I'm not finna be doing all ofthat.
I don't want to fight Will bethe big ass.
Please don't, please don't tryme.
I don't want, I don't want totry you.
Let's, everybody respecteverybody.
Everybody respect everybody.
That's the one, all right, allright, I think that was solid.
See, then that's a solidepisode right there.
(33:51):
That's a solid, motherfuckingepisode.
This shit was 18 minutes.
I was so pissed.
But that's what I'm talkingabout.
Episode 50.
Y'all, thank y'all.
Okay, I ain't even finishing.
I didn't even finish it.
Y'all Was my wise words,sighing, okay.
So the song of the week,basically it's daylight by David
Kushner.
(34:11):
Y'all know I'd be on my wifeymachine.
You know I got stood, I gots totune in, I gots to tap in with
them.
Sometimes they should just betoo good like not to listen.
You know sense.
So daylight by David Kushner,it is a great fucking song.
I'm not finishing it because,god damn it, y'all just go
listen.
Y'all gots to listen.
But all right, y'all.
(34:32):
I want to thank y'all forautumn.
If y'all are listening, makesure that y'all like if, what
the hell are you saying?
If y'all are on listeningplatforms or if you are
listening, please make sure thatyou rate the podcast and leave
a review.
There we go.
If you are watching on YouTube,please like, comment and
subscribe.
Click the notification bill.
(34:54):
Lets you know every time Iupload.
Love that, oh.
And plus, we got some newsubscribers.
Y'all, y'all fuck with me.
I came from the dick the cat isking episode and I love y'all.
Hey, new baby jokers, hope youstay around.
Stick around.
I hope you like what you see,okay.
So yeah, thank you guys forlistening, thank you guys for
watching.
(35:14):
I'm just trying to change theworld one joke at a time.
Salute, peace out.
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