Marriage

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey y'all, this podcast contains potentially disturbing content.
Our show includes graphic references to topics such as sexual abuse,
self-harm, violence, eating disorders, explicit language, and sexual acts.
Listener discretion is advised.
This show is for mature audiences only.
Good morning and slay, slay bitch, slay all day because you're listening to the Queer LBC Podcast.

(00:25):
Podcast i'm nino local construction daddy
and podcast fatty my pronouns are he him
thank you for asking i have with me here my
fabulous cohort yo what's up y'all this is christophe your city top liaison
my pronouns are he him and that motherfucker dr mikey here your professional
cheese muscle tell me all your secrets my pronouns are he she all of them ah

(00:49):
so what do we have for for us today, Nino. All right, now we'll draw a song.
Quick T and Queer Events. Quick T and Queer Events. Quick T and Queer Events.
Quick T and Queer Events. Queer, queer, queer.
Take a sip. Take a sip, you big stupid bitch.
All right, so this is the Quick T and the Queer Events. This is where we get

(01:09):
into the L, G, B, and the T of it all.
Sometimes we get a little Q, a two. If you know what I mean.
I know what you mean, girl. So what are these queens talking about today or
this week? Today, this week.
Today in gay. Washington makes school curriculum more inclusive by adding LGBTQ plus history.

(01:33):
Today in homophobia don't say gay settlement has
changes today in trans the lgbtq plus community gathers to march for next benedict
at the state capital in oklahoma city planet fitness is standing behind its
decision to ban a member who photographed a transgender woman in a locker room,

(01:54):
today in transphobia next benedict died by suicide says oklahoma medical examiner,
today in what the fuck paris union high school district eliminates dei department,
any of you queens know about any of these things i don't know a lot about any of those things.

(02:16):
But i have so happened to see that tiktok going around or like that video of
that lady at planet fitness oh my god because i think it just started circulating
what like yesterday or like the day before yesterday yeah it's pretty it's pretty freaking new,
So as it turns out, Planet Fitness
has better trans inclusion locker room policies than most red states.

(02:37):
The gym chain recently decision, I mean, defending this decision to revoke the
membership of a woman who photographed another woman in a changing room.
Patricia Silva was banned after she shared a video on Facebook featuring the
other woman who is transgender while complaining about her presence in the woman's locker room.
Sylvia constantly misgendered the other woman in the video saying that she loves
her in Christ and that she is a spiritual being having a human experience,

(03:01):
but that she wasn't comfortable with the woman shaving in my bathroom.
Sylvia asserted that the woman doesn't like her gender at birth,
so she wants to be a woman. Hmm.
Excuse me. Sylvia also pearl clutched over the woman being near a 12-year-old
girl in the locker room, despite no incident nor interaction taking place.

(03:24):
She then said that after verbally berating the woman, she reported her to the
staff at the front desk, who did not take action.
The two men standing at the desk put their heads down and their tails between
their legs, Sylvia claimed.
She just going after everybody. Karen. And Planet Fitness nondiscrimination
policy states that employees cannot discriminate against transgender people

(03:46):
unless a serious concern or significant doubt about their identity arises.
It explains if it is confirmed that a member is acting in bad faith and improperly
asserting a gender identity, they may be asked to leave and their membership may be terminated.
After the video gained traction online, Planet Fitness revoked Sylvia membership.
The inevitable right-wing backlash followed with Sylvia video being repromoted

(04:09):
by conservative extremist accounts, libs of TikTok and Twitter ex-owner Elon Musk.
A spokesperson for the jail recently defended the decision to the Daily Mail,
maintaining that not only did Sylvia violate Planet Fitness policy on mobile
devices in locker rooms, but the discomfort is not a reason to deny access.
As the home of the judgment-free zone, which Planned Parenthood strives on no

(04:33):
judgment zone, which is good, is committed to creating an inclusive environment,
they said, our gender identity non-discrimination policy states that a member
and guest may use the gym facilities that best align with their sincere,
self-reported gender identity.
The member who posted on social media violated our mobile device policy that
prohibits taking photos of individuals in the locker room, which resulted in

(04:57):
their membership being terminated.
Sylvia, this pleased with the outcome, vowed in another Facebook post to report
the incident to the police despite no crime being committed.
Bitch, what you going to report?
But also, you, I mean, you signed the contract.
Right. All those things are in your contract. So you have no case.

(05:17):
Mind your fucking business.
Also like taking video of someone
in the locker room like it's one thing if what do
you need to take the video for you want to know what's up then if that little girl is
in the video i hope her parents sue her for right minor like
because you could flip it like yeah you
you was videotaping us i was

(05:39):
shocked that planet fitness was like on like that though because
i go to planet fitness myself and i'm like it almost
seems like weird there but i don't know i mean
oh you planet fitness i think it's probably like any gym right like
i don't think people think i think yes people like
see like a link between gyms and gay people but like i think i think like people

(06:00):
also see like it's a very masculine space so i may not feel safe for people
but it's great that like planet fitness is stepping in doing that i know i was
shocked but one thing that i just try to realize out to try to see which state that's happening in.
And it really don't state in the article.
Let me see if I can find that. But yeah, that, but I also was reading the comments

(06:23):
and whatnot, and everybody was like, kudos for Planet Fitness,
because one, she violated the policy. I mean, she signed the contract.
Boom. And then I heard somebody else, they were like, you know what?
It was, see, sometimes people just won't clap.
Sounds like a carrot. No, it was another transgender. Well, this is at least
what they said in one of the comments.

(06:43):
Like, I'm transgender and I'm with Sylvia. Like, you shouldn't have been shaving
your legs in the locker room.
I don't even fucking use the locker room. I go to the gym, work out,
take my ass home and use my own shit.
But I'm like, I'm quite sure people shave. Yeah, they do. In locker rooms,
male and female. I see guys doing that all the time.
You know what I'm saying? But I'm not taking videos of them.

(07:04):
Right, exactly. Like, that was fucking stupid.
Sylvia said that she just wanted everybody to know how she felt and she felt
things to yourself right i don't give a fuck sylvia sometimes you just need
to do that i'm just kidding right like no one gives a fuck sylvia just shut the fuck up.
Damn, they don't really state in any of these articles what freaking state it was.

(07:29):
That's cool. I mean, all the gays need to go support Planet Fitness now.
Go Planet Fitness for being trans-friendly. Thank you. That part.
This is another one from The Advocate. The Office of the Chief Medical Examiner
in Oklahoma has concluded that Nix Benedict,
a 16-year-old trans non-binary student of indigenous heritage from Owasso High

(07:51):
School, whose death has sparked widespread concern and debate, died by suicide.
The medical examiner's one-page summary report identifies the cause of death
as combined toxicity from diphenahydramine and fluoxetine?
I don't know. A full report will be released on March 27th, according to the department.

(08:16):
Diphenahydramine, commonly known by its brand name Benadryl,
is an antihistamine typically used to
treat allergy symptoms fluoxetine i don't know
if i'm saying that right but widely recognized as prozac is
a medication prescribed for depression and anxiety disorders on
february 7th benedict who used he they pronouns was
assaulted in a school bathroom later benedict's grandmother took him

(08:38):
to a hospital where body worn where
body worn video from an owasso police officer revealed
that the teenager had been bullied relentlessly for their gender expression
before the assault the following day benedict was in distress at home and taken
to the hospital where they were later pronounced dead benedict's death was has
highlighted the critical need for increased awareness and resources dedicated

(09:01):
to the mental health and well-being of lgbtq plus youth,
i don't understand how that motherfucker got his license if you're a medical examiner and.
How you come up with that like who fucking paid you
to say that stupid shit right it says sarah kate ellis the president and ceo
of glad issued a statement to the advocate challenging the adequacy of the investigation

(09:22):
and calling for greater accountability yeah ellis highlighted the critical need
for persistent inquiry and transparency from oklahoma's law enforcement and government entities,
particularly in cases involving the safety and well-being of vulnerable students like Benedict.
Ellis expressed skepticism regarding the sparse details provided by the medical
examiner's report on Benedict's death.

(09:44):
There is nothing in the one-page document to explain why the medical examiner
checked a box, Ellis noted.
Medina must have learned by now that they need something to continue to question
what they get from law enforcement and government
entities in Oklahoma that have so far failed to protect vulnerable students

(10:04):
and responsibly provide any information that is critical for student safety.
She further emphasized the broader implications of Benedict's case,
emphasizing the dire need for
a social shift towards the protection and acceptance of LGBTQ plus youth.
Next, Benedict and all LGBTQ and two-spirit, transgender and gender non-conforming
youth deserve a world that fights for them and themselves to be be free from

(10:28):
state-sponsored bullying and discrimination, Ellis remarked.
She also called on the media and public officials to remain vigilant in holding
state leaders accountable for safeguarding all youth from harming and ceasing harmful policy.
Like, the interesting thing is, like, okay, was it just in their system or was
it at, like, a toxic level?

(10:49):
It doesn't really say. See, and that's the issue, because you think about it,
like, Like, Nex was literally just, like, assaulted and had, like, major injuries.
You know, Benadryl helps people sleep, right? Right.
And, you know, but even if it's not that, you're talking about Prozac,
which is the depression medication.

(11:10):
People who have depression tend to have trouble sleeping, falling asleep, staying asleep.
So, Benadryl may be, and that's actually a common practice that some people
get from, like, doctors, is to take Benadryl to sleep better.
When they have trouble sleeping related to their mental health.
Well, because she does say there is nothing in this one-page document to explain
why the medical examiner checked these box. So basically, like...

(11:32):
Obviously they're probably depressed so they probably have prozac and
then two i mean they could be allergic to cats and just taking
it normally right yeah so it doesn't say yeah like you're saying it's
not like excess levels like they od'd on prozac and
benadryl exactly but they're using this as the suicide like evidence exactly
like and this is not suspect as fuck yeah how was that a suicide you'd suicided

(11:56):
yourself on prozac and benadryl yeah and it's It's like, why are you on Prozac, right?
Oh, because you get bullied and there's transphobia in your school?
My school don't fucking want me here. You're that young and you're on Prozac?
You can't get that without a fucking prescription. Like, hello?
Yeah. And then if they're going to say that shit, I would like,
if I'm the parent, if y'all care so much about these children and you want the

(12:20):
safety of these children to be so much on your top priority,
so now you're responsible for my child's death if it was suicide.
Yeah. Because you should have been protecting them. Yeah.
So what the fuck now? We call for accountability on Oklahoma.
No, exactly. Like, it's just protecting their transphobia, just protecting,
you know, what happened and trying to, like, sweep it under the rug.

(12:43):
And that's really not okay.
But I do like the community members is going to, they're going to gather to
march for next at the state capitol in Oklahoma City.
Yeah. So students from class and SAS marched to the state capitol to participate
in a march for next Benedict in Oklahoma City Thursday, March 14,
2024, according to the Oklahoman.

(13:04):
Andrew Johnson makes a sign before a march for next Benedict met the state capitol
in Oklahoma City Thursday, March 14, 2000 and 2004.
Benedict was pronounced dead February 8th, one day after being injured in an
altercation, injured inside of a Wausau high school bathroom.
Through yeah but it's great to show out exactly that's great that these marches

(13:26):
are happening and I think people need to continue to like press.
The school press you know congress people
their congress people to call for
you know justice to call for like
these people to do their jobs rightfully and to protect everyone
not just a select few people everyone we

(13:47):
ain't talked about florida in a while but fucking but
uh there was a 52 year old john walter
lay a proud gay man was shot and killed at a dog park in tampa florida oh yeah
his did you see that excuse me his killer has been charged with murder john
had been harassed the last two years by this neighbor because of his sexuality

(14:10):
his close friend said he never.
Instigated anything at all he always walked away he
would say leave me alone he was just that type of person another friend
said the neighbor would scream and holler at him and call
him a faggot every time he gets to the dog park he'll sit
there and say i like to punch him right in the the fucking mouth the
hillsborough county sheriff chad christopher said

(14:33):
in a statement after analyzing the evidence it was clear that
the man acted from hatred within his heart john
was shot and killed while walking his dog roxy john's sister said that there
is no sentence that's going to restore my brother's life but if the person has
that type of hatred and can act on it keeping him in jail will hopefully save
someone else's life john dog roxy has been rehomed with with friends in the

(14:56):
area and still regularly visit the dog park.
If you're a person reading this, whoever thought for a second that the world,
the words of a hatred and bills that circulate our world in regards to diminishing
our humanity are not a threat to our livelihood.
I sadly inform you that here is yet another example of your response to support
those around you being too late yet again, John.

(15:19):
Hey brother. Hey angel. I love you. We love you.
We'll never forget you. and that's from the yeez dropper
on instagram but it's also noted that
the arrest didn't even fucking take place until they got
so much kickback from community members and
you know people calling and saying like what the fuck like this and
the other so when he made that statement talking about oh

(15:40):
like yeah like all the evidence show but you didn't you took forever to do that
yeah like what the fuck is that so you just let murderers run rampant people
can kill whoever they want and then that's fucking crazy because when people
go to the police and tell about harassment they don't.
Technically oh we can't do nothing until something happened then it's too fucking

(16:02):
late like y'all should have did shit then right but then they can pull over
a fucking black people who did nothing wrong of course florida loves that shit
so it's like how can you not do anything before something happens you have all
the fucking right to do whatever the fuck you want you're a fucking cop.
That's so fucking sad that fucks that's fucked up and sad and that like it is

(16:24):
rest in peace like what an unnecessary death so unnecessary rest in peace sir
did y'all hear about the florida's don't say gay bill settlement changes i heard
something but i don't really know what yeah,
so students and teachers in florida can now discuss sexual

(16:45):
orientation and gender identity in classrooms as long
as it's not part of formal instruction it's an
important change after a new settlement between state
education officials and civil rights attorneys who challenge
the so-called don't say gay bill law
education reporter oh they've

(17:06):
discussed let's see so essentially they the
don't say gay bill they changed it up so it's not as restrictive as it was originally
because before you weren't able to kind of like mention like anything about
being gay or it was very worded very loosely to be interpreted that way so like
even teachers couldn't be like out.

(17:28):
Or or talk to their.
Kids about like gay things things like that but now that's.
Not the case they can be normal people they mean normal people we
acknowledge your existence barely clearly
because they forced us to yeah we'll go
florida before being forced yeah but

(17:51):
i think like this is important like like this
is related to the one that you brought up because that that shooting happened
in florida and like can you imagine like we hear
all the vile rhetoric here in california
can you imagine like how intense it is in florida and
like how much more rampant it is isn't like common maybe
it is kind of experience so like of course

(18:14):
like things like that are going to happen especially when
the rhetoric is already anti-gay right yeah because if we're already
saying that next benedict is a direct like
cause of the homo or the transphobia in oklahoma
like how is this obviously not a direct
cause of the hatred that they're spewing in fucking florida no
exactly but it's like i feel like people aren't making that same they're not

(18:36):
like taking this home like they're taking next benedict home with oklahoma
they're not doing that with this i guess they just see like
a gay man getting murdered as like normal or or
no one oh because i feel like this this isn't being picked up right like nobody
is talking about this one like they're talking about i mean that's true like

(18:56):
bent next next was like you know like i'm quite i don't even watch So.
But I'm quite sure it was worldwide.
Like, you know, breaking story.
I'm sure, I hope so. Yeah, but I think what happened, I think.
I feel like movements, because there's so much happening, like,
movements kind of have to, like, pick.

(19:19):
And choose your marker. You know, because there's only so much they can do, right?
Like, I'm sure, you know, like, hopefully, like, at these rallies or things
like that, like, people bring in this person or, like, kind of acknowledge them.
That's what typically happens.
But I think, like, in terms of, like, movements, there tends to be kind of, like, this focal point.

(19:40):
And I think Next just happens to be that. that what do
we because i feel like
in the black lives matter movement like every
every next like black person who's killed by a cop like this the say their name
mentality and it's like let's not forget the victim and like we are going to

(20:05):
kind of turn almost every person to a martyr right Right.
And it's kind of like, and I've heard like also things about like,
the families don't really want that sometimes.
Like the families are not, they're the ones, they're not the ones doing that.
Yeah. And it's like the group, you know what I mean? Cause they,
I mean, you have to realize that those individuals, one of them,
they are in mourning. Yeah.

(20:26):
So like they lost a loved one. Yeah. They're not focused on.
Being at the forefront of a movement of a
movement when i just lost my son yeah yeah
so it's kind of like do we
like is that like a thing that i
don't know is that like a thing that we should be doing or not

(20:47):
doing you know what i mean i mean we should most definitely
we should be using our voices individuals that are
able to use their voice and utilize their voice for the good of
the community regardless of whatever community it is that are
equal to all in a sense should
most definitely be using their voice because all of us have
our particular purpose in life right and i

(21:08):
can i can say this that like if it was us three
if something happened and we all had to go and try to be on the forefront i
know that i could you have certain good things that
you are able to do and i'm not the loudest
but i know that i could go and
make sure that permits is signed and ready and good to go
and i know that you could probably do you know something nothing but no you

(21:34):
know what i'm saying like you'll probably do like the electronics or like you
know setting up the the platform and shit like everybody have their place you
know i'm saying but we also have to utilize it and do it
we when we get caught sometimes we don't get called up to do it we just got to go and do it.
I guess i'm just asking the question is of if

(21:55):
this like martyrdom thing is like ultimately good
or bad or should i mean i guess
we should be marching against you know obviously what how
they're not dealing with the injustices yeah
you gotta put we gotta put our feet on these motherfuckers
yeah i mean i think
like if the family's willing and open to do that

(22:16):
i think i think that makes sense to do that because
i think that also humanizes and encounters
the rhetoric that's out there you know but i
also think that like because i guess my concern is like for like black trans
women right like we know like you know like can you imagine the amount of names

(22:37):
of black trans women that are need to be acknowledged yeah during these things
and And I guess it's like,
I don't want to martyr those women and not like give back in some way, you know?
And I think that is kind of, because like, that's the history of the gay community is, you know, like,
we rely on and our rights on the back of black trans women, and they don't get

(23:02):
their due recognition and props for that.
So like, I don't want the movement to do that again without at least giving
back to that community, if that makes sense.
Because I think that is the potential issue with you know I kind of feel like,
when it comes to the issue of like the black trans women I feel like all their

(23:23):
names are not said and they are all forgotten and it's kind of like.
Then it should they become martyrs should
we be remembering their names every single one of them individually and
then i mean i mean that sounds like a probably a better way of
going about things than forgetting them i don't know
it's weird yeah yeah but

(23:46):
i think if they do they do get used like i think
there should be some sort of reciprocity giving back to like
the black trans community you know like giving
them a voice in this not not just holding
up a sign of of the black trans women who have passed like there are living
black trans women so give them the space as well in this that's also true have

(24:08):
them at the forefront yeah we don't have to wait until they they are killed
to give them a space or a table a seat at the table and some local news.
Paris Union High School District eliminates DEI department,
let's see in a surprise move that shocked some parents

(24:29):
and community members obviously not all of them the Paris
Union High School District became possibly the first in the region to cut diversity
equity and inclusion department the director's job as well as behavioral support
specialists social workers and substance interventions but intervention specialists
were eliminated in the district last week.

(24:50):
In all, 18 jobs were cut from the 2024-2025 school year by Board of Trustees
during a special meeting on March 5th at 3 p.m.
Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Programs, also known as DEI,
are created to address decades of discrimination aimed at people of color and

(25:11):
LGBTQ plus staff and students.
Parents, educators, students, and concerned community members filled the boardroom
and overflowed outside to voice their concerns about the proposed cuts in student support services,
which they say will have devastating consequences on the students who need them.
If they get rid of this program and if they get rid of this division,

(25:34):
there's not going to be proper teachings to the students and their families
and administration staff and faculty, including teachers, to understand how
to work with students of color and work with students who are part of the LGBTQ community.
Rocco Nelms, 15, a student at Paris Union School, I said, according to the IE voice.

(25:56):
Let's see. Oh, so Paris is in the... yeah it's
close they're they're coming for everyone now right they
are the board voted four to
one to eliminate the positions let's see
during the paris union meeting trustee elizabeth vallejo asked
her fellow trustees to consider budget cuts

(26:17):
in different areas put students first and listen
to support staff and educators who said the positions are
necessary vallejo was was the
only no vote well i
guess they do not want that in paris why i don't know they don't think it's

(26:37):
necessary i guess so that's happening in california no more diversity and inclusion
for paris union high school why is that out here didn't,
Didn't these fucking schools know when Gabby Newsome was like, no.
Bitch, we're not doing that. Like, don't they know? They don't care.
They're gonna keep pushing it.

(26:59):
They trying to get him to come down here. He'll pull up on the motherfucker. He better open fire.
Not open fire. Pop, pop, pop. But, like, in Riverside, didn't they try to do
something with the schools, too?
Like, it's conservative out there it is the
fucking rural paris dirt yeah paris

(27:21):
is pretty good yeah because to be honest it's like it's only
la san diego and like up north san francisco that's like the the more like liberal
you know leftist sections that keep this state that way so and more positive news y'all,

(27:42):
Washington makes school curriculum more inclusive by adding LGBTQ plus history.
They passed a bill that puts LGBT curriculum in schools.
The bill recently approved by the House of Representatives and Senate and now
heads to the Democratic Governor Jay Inslee for his signature.

(28:04):
It requires the State Education Agency, the Office of the Superintendent of
Public Instructions, to update learning standards to include lessons on the
LGBTQ plus history and contributions.
The bill also creates curricula for other underrepresented groups,
including racial and ethnic groups, those with disabilities,

(28:24):
and varying socioeconomic backgrounds.
It encourages diversity in all topics, even sciences and math.
For example, fictional people and practice problems are suggested to be diverse
in race and gender instead of being solely white men.
Yes! The updated standard aims to make queer students feel included and secure

(28:48):
while also encouraging all students' interest in contemporary topics.
Let's see. More than 550 anti-LGBT bills were included across the U.S.
In 2003 and 80 were passed into law.
That's three months. In 2004, 479 anti-LGBT bills have been introduced,
many which restrict or outright public and prohibit LGBTQ plus curriculum in public schools.

(29:14):
But we got one. We're protected in Washington. Dang.
Washington State, right? 52 modica. mm-hmm one by one what's on what's up with
washington i thought they were like,
racist washington state i mean like i don't know because i feel like they on
this coast and i think a lot of people from cali and you know liberal states yeah,

(29:40):
washington seattle right it's seattle i think seattle is what's making it happen
yeah yeah well that's great yes can't wait for those educated children to go
out into the world right they're diverse right gay agenda just confused,
well is that it for these quick teas i'm not thirsty anymore i don't think i'm

(30:06):
thirsty either but you know,
What do I know? You got one? I guess we're going to go ahead and take a break.
I lost my train of thought. So. Okay. All right. Let's take a break. Break time. Break. Hey.
Y'all. Christoph here. And we at the Queer LBC just want to say thank you again

(30:26):
for all your love and support.
But we also wanted to let you know that you can hit that like button, boo.
But we really really really do
appreciate a five-star review on apple
and spotify podcast or wherever you listen to the podcast at you can also follow
us on instagram at queer lbc to get updates on the shows and more also shit

(30:48):
tell a friend about us get the word out you know we your favorite lgbtq plus podcast in lbc baby.
And we're back so today
i wanted to talk about marriage well
specifically gay marriage what is it why is

(31:10):
it do you want one do you have one what's the
history on gay marriage and is it destroying the
sanctity of heterosexuality what do
you think dr mikey do you know anything about the history of gay
marriage yes actually i do so in
the 70s is actually when the activism
for marriage equality started to kick

(31:32):
off in fact two gay men james mcconnell and
richard baker applied for a marriage license but the kirk she pulled a kim davis
and she was like no sis we don't do that here so they sued and they took it
to the state and federal court the state ruled against the couple and the federal
court was like we don't know her we don't want to hear this case,

(31:54):
so also side story to that is the that couple actually applied for a marriage
license at another county and they got it and they were actually technically
the first gay couple to ever get married so they just like did it just to like
just to do it and they just got it yeah yeah because that other county.
Didn't prohibit sex to different sexes, different genders.

(32:18):
But they didn't know that happened or that it was valid because the other counter
ruled against them, right? So they kind of were like, well, what's happening?
But anyway, so yeah. But anyway, this starts kind of a lot of other organizations
demanding marriage equality.
And the establishment got really worried in like 1974 and Maryland was the first

(32:40):
state to ban same-sex marriage.
By the late 70s washington virginia
florida california wyoming had banned
same-sex marriages and for the next decade the
straights and holy people they're in shambles about the potential of
gays getting married and that is
when bam clinton signs the defense of marriage act which

(33:02):
states that the federal government will not recognize same-sex marriages
and defines marriage between a man and
a woman really hillary why right so
this so this obviously allows states
to not recognize same-sex unions and this led to things
like domestic partnerships and civil unions because people are not able to get

(33:26):
married but in around 2008 states start to kind of shift and start recognizing
same-sex marriages and that's here in california if you remember that was when
when Prop 8 was happening for us. So...
Prop 8 was passed, so same-sex marriage was supposed to happen in California,
but then the court overturned it.

(33:47):
And then around that time, also Bush and Obama were saying that marriage was
between a man and a woman.
So kind of things were kind of
just kept that way in law. But people kept putting pressure on the system.
They kept trying to get marriage license. They kept suing states in order to
get recognition. And this led to the Auber, Giefau, and Hodges case that was

(34:09):
seen by the Supreme Court.
And actually, this case is actually a culmination of a bunch of cases,
not just one case. And that was when?
That was in... So, the culmination of these cases happened when they were originally
filed, like in 2007, 2008,
when people were trying to get married and they're getting denied licenses or

(34:32):
they're not being recognized.
But the case was heard in front of the Supreme Court around like 2015.
Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And then what happened?
And then the Supreme Court ruled in favor to Auberger Fowl and said that they

(34:52):
ruled that the fundamental right to marry extends to same-sex couples.
Same-sex marriages bans are unconstitutional to the 14th Amendment.
And Obergefell is the gay person?
So yeah, so he's one... So that whole case that was seen by the Supreme Court

(35:12):
was like a bunch of cases put together.
It was like a bunch of people essentially pushing for different angles for same-sex
marriage to be recognized.
And Obergefell was one. And I think with that one...
He him and his partner had been together for like decades
and his partner died i

(35:34):
believe and he wasn't able to get
like okay the medical his insurance
yeah so but even
though they had been together for years and would have been considered married
but they didn't have the opportunity to obviously but i think they had like
a civil union a domestic partnership but something like that so like part of

(35:54):
that case was hearing that but there are other ones around like kids not being
adopted by like adopted by like both parents or something like that,
so yeah so that was her best Supreme Court and they ruled in
favor to have same-sex
marriages recognized i see yeah
so yeah i think that was around 2015 okay and

(36:17):
then so that's why we have same-sex marriage
now but there are some concerns because when
roe v wade was overturned i
mean that was what in 2022 all right
so let me go back so then when that overfilled thing
happened that's when we officially got the right to get married yes federally

(36:38):
nationwide yes okay and 20 yeah with over 15 yeah i'm like what was i doing
in 2015 not getting married oh that was like i was single in LA fucking around.
You weren't ready for marriage. I remember because I had friends in Cleveland
who were about to get married after that got approved.

(37:05):
Where were you, doctor, when that was happening? 2015.
Because it was a couple of years before. I was in Massachusetts.
I was finishing up my internship there.
It was June 2015. 2015 they released that
the ruling on june 26 2015 which
is like the first day of the stonewall riots how very

(37:26):
ceremonious like say that how do
they have the how do they have that
where they can just like plan it on things yeah right
make it cute but then it's like bitch you say
you can't do shit when you don't want right the fuck but it's
also bitch is my rights what i could have have gotten that earlier right
i don't need it to be cute yeah i don't need it

(37:46):
to be on the anniversary give my fucking rights give it
to me now yeah anyways so yeah so that is
when we got same-sex marriage okay yeah so
it's been a long journey like there's a lot of back
and forth so and it was so
interesting to kind of researching it to
find like all the different places that were were like trying
to fight back or resist like we got

(38:09):
doma because hawaii was hearing cases about
recognizing same-sex marriages so before i went through clinton threw down doma
to define marriage as between a man and a woman yeah because i thought hawaii
and gay marriage it's like a thought for some reason you can get married in hawaii right.

(38:31):
Or did I just make that up? That you used to be able to get the gay married in Hawaii?
I think the first state that, well, a lot of them were.
But I think in our modern time, like probably in our recollection,
I think the first one was like Massachusetts that started to recognize same-sex marriages.
Oh, yeah. I remember that. Yeah. I think.
I think I remember that. I remember when we had first got the right.

(38:55):
What was it? What year was that? The first time before they repealed it?
2008. 2008. Top eight? Yeah. yeah i
remember when that first happened that my first boyfriend was like excited and
happy about it but then i was like it's gonna get repealed and then he got mad
at me because he was like we should be happy and get married and i was like

(39:18):
oh my god thank god i didn't get married to him.
But also it did get repealed and i was like yeah told
you yeah but even it got repealed those marriages were still valid
that was the one caveat they gave them like
oh if you got married during in this time is still valid because our bad
you got rights on accident
like how does that make sense because how

(39:38):
could you confirm i mean you can't really a marriage license is
just that like i've got grandfather yeah they have the
paper filed so it's just like it is really literally
no just recognition i can't take it back yeah yeah exactly
like i have more rights than my my grandson what the
fuck i got grandfathered
in this marriage license yeah they want

(40:02):
to repeal it now again well the this is
a thing so it's more of like concerns
and worries and future-oriented thinking so during when they repealed roe versus
wade right i think that was in 2022 that was two two years ago right or it was
recent you know when the supreme court repealed it i think there was.

(40:26):
A comment from clarence thomas in which he was saying that certain cases should be,
reheard in front of the supreme court now and he
specifically named the obliger fell case
which is the same the same-sex couple case so
he wants to rehear it and we have a much more conservative conservative

(40:47):
supreme court so how the
fuck you're gonna rehear something that's already been settled so what they'll
do is they'll probably get a new case now i don't know if you remember like we
did a quick tea on a case in another state that
was trying to not let same-sex unit unit unions go through i don't remember
that i forgot what state it was kentucky was it kentucky maybe i think so the

(41:11):
one who like she denied them because of her religion yeah right so since that's
That's a new piece of that law.
They could rehear it on that bias per se.
Yeah i mean i don't know how because i'm not i don't
know how like y'all make a decision and then you go out tixie paxies
that makes no sense to me right and then

(41:34):
they say and then they go with this gun shit and they're like oh
these you can't go back on these laws and it's
like yeah but you can though but really well
those are the commandments because because i guess i just wonder
what is that line you know like because like
what keeps like them from taking back like rights from like african-american

(41:54):
people right you know i mean they already took it back from women so like right
all of us ain't fucking safe at this point yeah but like what's that cusp you
know like what like what makes that determination what they can get away with
i guess because it's like.
Women also encompasses white women and if
they're down to take away their own white women's rights they

(42:16):
don't why would they give a fuck about anybody else it's all about that
mighty dollar yeah yeah i'm all like
yeah so that's interesting
yeah i don't know why they would want to rehear that and it's
kind of like so you think that like there
could be a chance that it's just not correct
anymore that this person doesn't need the health insurance money or they don't

(42:39):
need to visit you in the hospital like as a family member or make help you make
medical decisions like i guess that doesn't matter anymore we should rehear
that because times have changed and we hate you now.
Right so it basically is what it is right but but yeah that's our journey to marriage equality.

(43:03):
So as a married person doctor the
dr mikey here is the only married person dr mikey
is the only married person here that i know unless christoph
are you married i am not married i'm also not
not married i'm single how does this make you feel dr
mikey knowing that you're a married person does it what
does it do in terms of what like talking about

(43:26):
marriage or like no in terms of like you thinking like
could it get overturned or like
how does that how would that affect let's say it did get overturned
how would that actually affect you like what do you think would make things
different i don't know like to be honest like i feel
like when i got married like it didn't feel like
much different it's not like i got like this welcome package like

(43:48):
here's your benefits like you know i think it's
written law that i get like these special perks and benefits but like
i don't know what they are you know i haven't got you don't have to get my welcome
package i know so i don't know so like for me like like i think the only thing
way it'll impact is this this legally right you know because like i think like

(44:09):
personally emotionally like spiritually like Like,
whether my marriage is recognized by the law or not,
like, that doesn't matter to me. Like...
Because I think, like, my marriage and my love, like, transcends what,
like, this country has to say or their validation for it.
And, like, to be honest, like, I never saw myself getting married.

(44:33):
And me and my husband, like, when it happened, they were together for,
like, probably seven years already.
Six years, maybe. And, you know, we bought a house together.
And we were just, and we got, like, we had our big jobs, our first big boy jobs.
And it just felt right. You know, it's like, okay, like, we're doing things
and, you know, and we did it.

(44:56):
But, yeah, I don't know. Oh, well, from a love aspect, I understand.
But from a severely financial aspect, do you think it would affect you now that you're married?
Is there any, let's look it up. What are the benefits that married couples receive?
Because I know they receive tax benefits. Yeah, there's some tax benefits to it.

(45:20):
But, like, maybe that, but, because I know even before we were married,
I did, like, life insurance, and I put my partner as a recipient of my life insurance.
Excuse me. Even though we weren't, like, even in, like, domestic partnership
at that point. Oh, okay. Or anything.

(45:40):
This is from getlegal.com. Persons who are legally married have long enjoyed
a wide range of benefits in the United States, including Employment benefits, health insurance,
family leave, bereavement leave, family benefits,
adoption rights, and joint foster care rights, the right to a portion of jointly

(46:03):
owned property upon separation of divorce.
Government benefits include Social Security benefits.
You may receive your spouse's Social Security benefits if you are at least 62
or if you are caring for a child under the age of 16.
Medicare, disability benefits, VA benefits, and public assistance.
Tax and estate planning benefits include the marital tax deduction if you are

(46:28):
allowed to transfer any asset to your spouse at any time without paying taxes
is on that asset, the option to file joint tax returns,
which especially beneficial if one spouse earns significantly more than the
other, the right to inherit your spouse's estate without paying an estate tax,
medical and death benefits include the right to visit your spouse in the hospital,

(46:49):
which is one thing I mentioned, the right to make medical decisions for an impact.
The right to make medical decisions for an impacitated spouse,
the right to participate in burial and funeral arrangements,
consumer benefits, discounts to families or couples.
Yep. So those are a lot of benefits that straight couples receive that if you

(47:13):
do not have the right to, you are not receiving, right? Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
Like. But they also don't seem appealing. Like, ooh. Right. They seem very adult.
Right. I mean, while they are not. They already running out of SSI money.
So that ain't gonna motherfucking matter.
Like. But let's say like, I mean, gay people, we are humans and we do end up

(47:37):
with sometimes one spouse, not like multiple sex partners our whole lives.
And I mean, if you're going to dedicate your if you're the kind of person who's
going to dedicate yourself to one person your whole life.
And I mean, straight people do this.
They get married and they receive all these benefits. benefits
and if you're just gonna be with
that one person your whole life and you don't get those benefits for no

(48:00):
fucking reason why is that like if i'm with my man my
whole life and then his family decides because they're fucking
homophobic that i have no say in what his
funeral arrangements are or i get none
of the money that i helped him get by being
like his housewife you know what i mean like that's
a that's a big deal or i can't even visit

(48:21):
him in the hospital what if his family i don't know this person because
they're homophobic right i mean it has happened it's happened and
it does happen sure so i mean those are big that's
it i feel like that is a big deal like it like just the option of
having those rights just for the for your
partner for your the way that your normal life
is like and you know

(48:42):
i think like i take that for granted and privilege
because like me and my partner have been together for like it's gonna
it's a decade this year so like we've been
operating functionally as like a married couple for a
very long time so like those are things like to even like second guess like
even we when even before we were married like we were like just assume do all
these things i'm like try to stop me you know but like no one ever tried did

(49:05):
because i had the privilege of also living here in this state yeah that's true
but imagine right like imagine.
Imagine they said no your marriage is now annulled yeah and
you don't have that anymore and then let's say your partner did die randomly
and then now their family is saying fuck you
you're assed out of everything like even that
could even yeah because if you're not even if

(49:28):
you have kids together too that can end up really fucked
up yeah because what if if you can adopt they can't
have both of you right and now you're just some random
nobody who has like legally no no yeah no
impact so yeah i
mean it's it's a big deal to have the the right
to be married yeah because it all comes with it's all boils down

(49:49):
to love yeah yeah that's the
end game i mean i feel like a lot of gays take it
for granted like they don't even like really give
a fuck i think what you mean like in the like in the terms of like we don't
we're not really paying attention to like the fact that like our future spouse
like we could not have like that right yeah yeah like how people i was i've

(50:11):
seen a video of what's the guy that run tmz.
Micro no what's his name he looks like
micro what is his name levin it's something like levin or something yeah yeah
i know you're talking about yeah i can't remember his name but he was talking
about how his partner passed away back in the early days with aids and it was

(50:36):
just like that that battle of trying to, you know.
Maneuver to get him the help and pay for things, but they wasn't classified
as married and shit. It was even visiting them in the hospital.
Yeah. I think he said he used to go up. They used to be up in North Hollywood at this one hospital.
I can't remember, but yeah, I was like, damn this, but we take that for granted.

(50:59):
But like this literally what motherfuckers who still remember those days.
Yeah. yeah because i think about that too like i'm not even married to my boyfriend but,
like i think about it in the terms of love the whole like if marriage is like like no more
like i only think of it like oh well we still love each other so it doesn't

(51:20):
really matter if it's not on paper but then the reality is is like well the
implications are actually further than that i guess that's also true but i feel
like you could still work the system like yeah when you you signed up for like stuff.
You're like, I don't have to put you down as my husband. Unfortunately,
now we about to be brothers.
Like, you know what I'm saying? Like how they gonna fucking say, I can't give you this.

(51:40):
Like, I don't know how that process works and whatnot, but you know what I'm saying?
Like, even when you have to get your person as your life, receive your life
benefits and things when you at work, you know, you ain't got to do how they gonna know.
Yeah. You know what I'm saying? If, if that comes down to it,
unfortunately, unfortunately,
Yeah, that sucks to think about. But so far, we still have it.

(52:04):
So far. It's true, it's true.
So, how was getting married for you? How was marriage for you?
I feel like it, like I said, it really didn't shift anything.
Like, it doesn't feel any different, you know, that we're married. You know, like...
There's no extra something that, like, makes it different.

(52:27):
No, not for me. because like if i was ready like since i married my partner
like obviously i'm ready for like this life commitment so like i was already
prepared and i already made that choice and decision so like,
for me like the marriage was a legality type of thing you know because like
i already made a choice and decision that i'm gonna be with this person forever.

(52:51):
And that's you know who i want to be with so like
and we still operate the same way i feel like yeah nice
so tell us your proposal story
i don't know if you have a proposal story
actually how did you come to the conclusion to get
to start the process of fish eating

(53:13):
the man or the well we we bought our house together okay
so we were and that
was before you guys were married yeah before we were married so like
our backstory maybe we should start with my little backstory so we met in 2015
i was two months away from moving to massachusetts to wrap up my doctorate i

(53:35):
had an internship out there that was going to be out there for a year working full-time,
doing therapy and i happened
to meet my partner by coincidence like i
happened to spend the night at my mom's house in woodier and i was living in lauren at
the time near my university city i probably shouldn't name city so whatever

(53:56):
and i just happen to spend my mom's house the night at my mom's house go on
grinder in the morning and the gays instagram right.
And my partner messages me and we
were just chatting and whatever and so

(54:19):
it was kind of of like a very like universe bringing
you together because like i normally don't stay there and we
just happen to kind of cross paths and you know we
agreed to meet up later
that day we meet up at a club and it was a drag show and you know he's two hours
late oh my what yeah classic right and you know my partner so he double booked

(54:45):
himself you were still there it was a drag show so i was like Like, whatever.
I'm like, if y'all come, like, at least I'm here. Because, like I said...
I was at Hamburger Mary's Long Beach and I lived in Laverne.
So I'm like, I'm here. Like, fuck, I'm going to stay here. I'm going to do whatever.
Like, I'm driving back now.
So, yeah, so I did it. And then, like, he comes and, like, he walks in.

(55:07):
I always describe this moment because, like, literally, like,
everything kind of just, like, slows down when I turn around and see him.
And, like, it's, like, literally walking, like, slow motion. and
it's like it's just like this feeling of
like like familiarity just like
hits me and it's just like it was just like a very

(55:27):
intense like intimate like new feeling for me yeah so it was kind of like you
know i don't know maybe it was love at first sight i don't know if that's what
you call it but it was definitely a different like connection okay that was
felt it was like Like, we've done this before.
Did you have a thought? It was like, damn, this might be the motherfucker I'll marry.

(55:49):
Because it seemed like that's the feeling that you had. Yeah.
It was something. Kind of like, okay.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay, nice. So, yeah. So, we did our thing.
And then it was like, well, I'm leaving in, like, two months.
So, like, I don't want anything serious.
So, we're just going to play this out and see what happens.
So, we did. And then I left.

(56:11):
And I drove across country. and it did like a
road trip and we were kept
in contact and i think like maybe like three
days into the road trip like we were like okay like
we'll date each other so like we made things official i
think he asked me to go steady and then we
did long distance we saw each other for we see each other

(56:34):
for like five months and then he came
and visited me for his birthday birthday and i think we made
were we official by then if we
were if we weren't official by then we made it official then and
then like we hung out for his birthday then i
came back and then we got an apartment together moved in and then
yeah so we're we're there for two years and

(56:56):
then we bought a house and then that's when we're like okay like wait how long
before how long were you together before you moved in a year okay oh yeah then
that was long distance so we did long distance for a year and i came back at
the end of that year when i was doing an internship and then we moved in with each other okay.
So y'all actually just like grew with each other in a sense.

(57:19):
Yeah. Like, because even that first year that y'all was together,
y'all really didn't have that much closeness with each other because it was long distance.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, actually we, we, um, we were on the phone all the time.
I mean, you probably like, right. Right.
But you know, being on the phone is different than, you know,

(57:39):
being in person and, you know, seeing their mannerisms or like things that may rub you the wrong way.
Yeah. the longest stretch that we didn't see each other was for five
months but like after his birthday i
think i was home consisting like maybe like every month
because i came down october then i
went down for thanksgiving i went down for christmas and

(58:00):
then i had to do stuff for dissertation so i was i was
home every now and then sprinkles a lot often
so like we made it work yeah nice
no wonder or you have that phone connection uh-huh
it's cute like i earbud was
always in my ear oh yeah that's cute

(58:21):
so then wait so then how did we start talking about okay we're actually gonna
have a ceremony and yeah so at that time we're like we got the house and then
like kind of had had extra money because of like things, the savings were like, oh no,
we should just like get married and like make it official.

(58:43):
So that's when we decided to do it. And we were gonna get married,
well, we did keep the date. We were gonna have like a big wedding.
On the same date when we had our first date.
So like we got married, we still got married, but we got married during the pandemic.
So like we didn't have like the big wedding that we wanted. Which pandemic?

(59:08):
Which pandemic? COVID. Oh. Yeah. 2020. We got married in 2020.
Okay, y'all just been together for over 10.
Yeah, over 10, yeah. You started planning in- i
think 2019 we were
planning okay because we were about to send out
invitations i think were we no

(59:29):
we already sent out invitations okay so then
yeah so you sent out invitations yeah the wedding
was planned yeah because we had deposits on things i had deposits
on the cake i had deposit on a taco truck on
the ice cream place which i think we still have
money there credit so then
when the pandemic hit then it was like fuck

(59:50):
or like what happened like you're like yeah so pandemic
so our original plan was we wanted
to get married at the lighthouse in long beach because that was where
we ended our first date oh and we were
getting married on the same day as
that date as that date okay so we want to have at the lighthouse to kind of
like be full circle but that location was booked already so we were we had to

(01:00:16):
book another venue but since the pandemic hit everything was canceled so you
were able to go out to the lighthouse.
And so we were like well let's do it now we can have
the wedding we wanted and yeah it's not gonna be a big party
we're not gonna have everyone here but but the motherfuckers that's here go
exactly and the date is what was really important
for us so we we

(01:00:39):
go out there and our one of our good friends gets
officiated and and marries us
right there out in by the lighthouse nice and
the other interesting part is because it was a pandemic all
the city clerk things were shut down so no one was issuing like licenses so
that was another reason we're like oh we don't know what's going gonna happen

(01:01:01):
and just like a few weeks before we were planning getting married santa anna opened up their clerk.
To hand out wedding licenses so we
had to go down and like get and
get the paperwork fill it out and then churning it in and kind
of like this weird dystopian thing because it set up like a covid testing center

(01:01:24):
oh my god it was like tents outside and you just churning paperwork and then
you just like hand things oh my it was so interesting it was it was definitely
very interesting welcome Welcome to the least romantic way to get married. Fuck.
So, yeah. That's what we did. I mean, that's very historical.

(01:01:44):
Yes. Yeah, yeah. I was at this wedding, everybody. I was there. It was cute.
At the lighthouse? Yeah. Yes. We all had to wear masks and be with each other. Yeah, flower girl.
I was not the flower girl. Oh. But I was there.
You witnessed. I witnessed. Yeah. And then we had a friend who played the violin.
He played two songs for us. oh

(01:02:04):
awesome yeah yeah it's very cute it was cute for a pandemic wedding and then
we like gave out the saved a lot of money the zoom we did a zoom so people can
see us get married oh okay passed out a bunch of like zoom links that's what's
up yeah pandemic wedding.
So y'all did you guys ever have y'all a honeymoon yeah uh we did we did we did

(01:02:30):
we did a one like like, a year after, I believe.
Okay. But midway, we got sick.
We got COVID. Yeah, we got COVID. Still need another redo. We got COVID on our
planned honeymoon. So we need a redo of our redo.
COVID just fucking us up all these years. Still got to choke hold.

(01:02:52):
She biting. Yeah. So we still have one to do, in my opinion. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
But yeah, marriage is all about love. But I also know that marriage is very
hard in a sense, because I know I hear a lot of people like,
you know, like you got to always be working towards it. Like it's always work. Yeah.

(01:03:15):
How do you feel about that statement? Because it seemed like in that y'all love is pure.
So don't feel like you.
I don't want to assume, but like it looked like y'all shit.
Easy peasy. But I know marriage is work.
So it is important to remind our listeners that if you are planning on making

(01:03:35):
this happen, that you have to be open-minded and ready to put in the work. Yeah. Oh, definitely.
Yeah. And I think relationships are just work. I mean, that's also true.
I don't think it's just marriage.
I think that whatever effort you want to put towards a marriage is the same
energy you need to put towards a relationship.

(01:03:55):
Because you need to nurture it from then. because you're
not going to get married and things are magically going to be
different or feel different or there's going to be the different level
of intensity you're going to have the same shit it's going to feel the same
way so you still have to put in the same work and effort whether you are married
or not that's true just like how you got to put in the work when you're in a
relationship when you first start dating no exactly seems like hey let's just

(01:04:19):
go get some mcdonald's in chill at the park like nah yeah take me to carlos jr.
So you'd get married again yeah i mean yeah i'll do it again nice nice nice would you,
get married get married first i think so i think i'm down for the idea of getting

(01:04:42):
married i'm not against it i used to be into the idea of getting married in like,
Like a more like intense way. Like I had like the idea that I wanted to get
married. Just because of society.
Yeah. Because it's just kind of like, I don't know. I was just like obsessed
with like finding a husband.
And like getting, I don't know, like doing everything as fast as I could, I guess. Oh, okay.

(01:05:04):
Just like get it out of the way and like have like kids and get married. Yeah.
Like do all that shit. But then like as time has like rolled on.
It's funny because like the partner that
i'm with now is i feel like i am the most secure
with him mentally than any of
my other partners but i'm like the least pressed to

(01:05:25):
get married at this point and like back then like
i felt way more pressed to get married with these fools that were like not like
like marriage material right so i don't know i mean that kind of resonates with
me like well personally i never felt the urge or need to get married like that wasn't pushed on me,

(01:05:47):
and like i said i never saw myself getting married until i met my partner but
like yeah i resonate with you it's kind of like i don't feel this urge because
i think there's just like.
There's there's no need to like i
don't need the extra level of security like i know you're here to stick
yeah like i don't feel like he's going anywhere yeah exactly exactly

(01:06:07):
i don't need to tie you down with this uh-huh like my
last boyfriend he for some
reason kept like pushing the idea not pushing but
like talking out loud about the idea that his
friend who had gotten with his boyfriend at
the same time that we had gotten together that they
were together for like a month and they immediately got married

(01:06:31):
in a month and then he was like would that be weird if we got
married like that quickly and i'm like yeah it
would be like i don't want to get married
that quickly like yeah in my mind
like i have to know the person at least three years before i'm gonna marry them
and live with them and yeah you have to know how someone lives like that's that's

(01:06:54):
true that's a whole different ball game because people change like not only
do people people change,
like people immediately change within like one year of knowing them.
Like the whole first year, you know, somebody I feel like is obviously the puppy
love stage and you make a million excuses for any little red flag that'll come up.
So you're immediately like blind to this person.

(01:07:16):
And then it's kind of like after the first year, like the real them kind of
starts showing up, not like in a bad way, but like.
You're probably less, I feel like, blind. So you'll never do love is blind and
all that. Fuck no. Whatever the fuck.
Hell no. Like married from overseas. Because I feel like you got to know a person

(01:07:39):
for a while to actually really know them. I mean, that's true. Yeah.
Because I remember I was going to say, oh, hell yeah, I want to marry my,
especially if you're younger.
You make a lot of dumb ass friends. I mean, because a lot of people grew,
we grew up with our grandparents and our parents married at a very fucking young
age, like at 17 and 18 and being together forever.

(01:07:59):
So we just assumed like, oh my God, it's doable.
It's possible. It was always confusing to me because I feel like straight people,
like they meet one person who I guess they kind of like, and then they just end up marrying them.
And I'm like, what the fuck? Do you not like vet anybody?
Buddy and they have like these horrible shitty marriages and they're like married

(01:08:20):
to these like bastard people that they all hate each other and it's like yeah
what but i feel i feel like,
straight marriage gets painted as like you hate
your partner like look at like married like
their media representation like marry with children you know
like it's all rosanne like i feel there's
like this like weird tension and like straight relationships

(01:08:41):
i don't know maybe it's because of that like they settle i
feel like at my their partners the straight people
at my job i feel like they the whole the whole shtick
is that they hate their partner and it's like
there's one guy in my work and he like answers the phone and
he's like tells his wife like what the fuck bitch like
why are you fucking calling me at work and i'm like damn like that's how you fucking

(01:09:02):
talk to her that's right that's ridiculous i'm like
i could never imagine talking to my boyfriend like that like what
the fuck and i'm like but y'all are the ones who
this is the sanctity of marriage you're straight marriage she's like what the
fuck yeah I don't know I feel like straight marriage is like they they have
that push like how I had to feel like I needed to be married so they they feed

(01:09:25):
into it and they get married and they just marry whoever the fuck.
Because the idea of getting married is more important than the person who you're
marrying yeah I don't know.
Yeah I'm just staring at the straights Rami that's also I'm sure but I'm not
quite sure it's mostly factual.
Shit but I don't think marriage don't really appeal to me but also like I'm

(01:09:50):
single so what advice can you give gays about getting married doctor or making
your marriage last or some shit like that yeah I mean I think y'all need,
I think you're gonna get what you put into your marriage is what you're gonna
get out of it you know like y'all need to invest in each other like invest in each other,

(01:10:12):
you need to invest in yourself and your partner needs to invest in themselves
but you also need to invest into each other as a whole you know because like
you're two different people and I think it's important to be mindful that.
You can, you know, do your own thing and then be together.
But, like, it also requires communication and work, like Christophe was saying, to make it work.

(01:10:36):
And, I don't know, like I said, for me, like, marriage is just,
like, a commitment that you're going to be with this person.
And you can't take that lightly. So know who the person you want to be with
is and find a way to work each other and find compromise in things.

(01:10:56):
Come on, work each other. Work each other. Work each other. Nice. Okay. Yeah.
Fuck, you just lost me. I was going to say something.
But I definitely do want to renew my vows and
have a- because you said it's gonna be three years this

(01:11:18):
year four years four years yeah four years this
year okay does it feel like four years no no
well because collectively now 10 years oh shit so
like that's where my mind is you know it's like we've been together for 10 years
yeah does it feel like 10 years uh no not really lots of happen lots has happened

(01:11:43):
in 10 years but but it feels accurate.
It feels like it is the proper amount of time. Yeah.
What happened? I think she... Oh, she put the bubble down. I'm trying to think
of anything else. What else about marriage?
Love and marriage.
Has anybody ever told you that your marriage is ruining their straight marriage?

(01:12:08):
No, but I had my aunt tell me she wasn't going to come to my gay wedding because
it was against her religion.
Yeah. Do you still talk to her? No. I stopped talking to her. Yeah.
Was that the last time you spoke to her? no because
i see her at family events i say hi
to be civil oh yeah i was gonna say

(01:12:29):
how that cold shoulder doing right was anyone
on your side about that no damn they
were one person no well maybe my gay uncle
but his perspective was like you're not going to change them so
why why put up a fight and so i
was like it's uncomfortable exactly exactly they're making
making me uncomfortable so they get to feel uncomfortable too yeah right yeah

(01:12:51):
tip the tag yeah exactly be like
i'm a petty bitch so yeah so actually when she
told me that like we stopped talking for a few months and then
i called her one day because we were
going to meet each other for see each other for the first time
and like since i stopped talking to her and i was
getting really anxious about it and i was like what am i

(01:13:11):
going to do like i was so anxious like i felt out like i had
like not a thing i can say that no like i felt like i
was legit like coming down with something oh my god and
i acknowledged it and then i was like fuck and so i like
was figuring out what i was going to tell her and like i called my mom and was
like i feel like anxious about seeing her because of what she said and they're
like well you know there's just some things we just got to respect people's

(01:13:34):
opinions and i'm like you like yes but like this is not one that that you respect.
So there's that whole thing. And then I called her, I'm like,
I called my aunt and I told, I called her, I was like, I know we're gonna see
each other in a few hours, but like.
I'm hurt by what you said and I'm not ready to talk to you. Like I'll share

(01:13:54):
space with you, but like I don't want to sit down and have a conversation.
And I'll say hi to you, but that's the only interaction I want.
And until you like go and like educate yourself on like what you think,
like go talk to gay Christians, go talk to your church, like go talk to gay
people, like go educate yourself because like you're wrong.

(01:14:17):
And when you do that then we can have a conversation
have a relationship but till then no and i see she has not done this she has
none done there yeah but it's in your court bitch exactly and i was like that's
exactly that's you i told you we need to do right and it's not unreasonable
to not want to talk to someone who doesn't like believe my marriage is valid,

(01:14:39):
have you moved away from saying hello and just doing a head nod this
time a little bit yeah like like i'm not
even wasting my breath on you auntie i make i make them initiate it
like i don't initiate i walked in i saw them they saw
me and then like they're the ones that said hello yeah yeah
i mean it's like a bullshit it's like
bullshit yeah like you you can't

(01:15:03):
just cop out and be like but my religion exactly
what about it yeah and what yeah and i said that and she was was like and what
you just wanted me to be there and like knowing what you believe i'm like yes
because that's at least you're showing me that you're trying to like change
right you're trying to challenge what you believe but like you're not even trying

(01:15:23):
and that's the most shitty part.
Because it's like, we could just throw the fact in your face that there's, like, gay churches.
Exactly. And it's like, what are you going to say? Oh, well, they're wrong.
And I'm right about not liking you. Yeah.
Like, you went to your fucking, you went to the wedding of the bitch who got
pregnant before she was married. Isn't that a sin?

(01:15:43):
She was pregnant at her wedding. Okay.
No, not the kettle.
So, you know, that's how it works.
That is how it works so here in
america so yeah so yeah and that's
the thing like my family struggled with it

(01:16:05):
and i think they should do but i just think that they don't want
to fight and argue so like they just let it be i mean
i hate the other the i hate the argument where
it's like you have to let them have their
opinion yeah and it's like opinion it's
their opinion that that they think i'm a lesser human being that
doesn't deserve respect exactly because the truth

(01:16:28):
is when you're in a family you have to
go to everybody's wedding even if you don't even like them
because it's just mandatory family goes to
the wedding right so it's like for you to all of a sudden say oh well my religion
says that your wedding is like not valid or disgusting or or xyz like you can't

(01:16:48):
get around the fact that you're stating that i am negative or lesser or.
Disgusting yeah so how do i have
to respect that i don't get that like that doesn't make
sense you have to respect the fact
that they are an asshole and you
have to be the good one and you don't

(01:17:11):
have to be the you don't have to be the big person yeah exactly and
like i don't we over there yeah we beyond that we ain't
being nice no more we gotta make motherfuckers and we gotta
make all the motherfuckers uncomfortable like you
get a spit in my face and i have to grit and bear it and then smile at you and
i still pretend like you made like you right exactly like you didn't make me

(01:17:32):
feel shitty right sorry i'm about honesty i'm on this person i can't but yeah
Yeah, I think in terms of,
like, this accusation that we're, like, defiling, like, the sanctity of marriage.
I'm like, bitch, go on Netflix. Tell me about Love is Blind.
Tell me about Joe Miller. Tell me about all your, like, shitty dating sites

(01:17:53):
that you've had for years.
Like, and you're telling me that we're desecrating marriage?
Like, you're having people marry each other's site on scene.
Right. Get out of here. Get married children. Yeah. Yeah.
Like, there's people that I've seen that have been, like, married the Empire
State Building. Yeah. I can't fucking...

(01:18:14):
But it's like, y'all, that's a creature of your own marriages.
You guys have made divorce legal.
Yeah. And what? Half of y'all are getting divorced. Right? So what the fuck?
Let me marry a dog, too.
That's what you think is going to fucking happen. Yeah. I mean,
man, there's a dog best for you.
But I have had a lot of straight people try to play devil's advocate and argue

(01:18:38):
with me why I should be happy to not get married.
And that it's better for me not to get married because it's just a life of unhappiness in marriage.
And that this is their argument to me for why gay marriage should be not legal.
Because marriage is unhappy.
Because you chose the wrong motherfucker.

(01:19:00):
I've had multiple straight people that had this quote unquote argument with
me. That's so interesting. That's alarming.
My cousin told me this and I was like, do you think that your wife would be
happy to hear you say that? Is that what the fuck you think?
Oh wow the streets aren't okay but that's what it is is like these guys they
get married and they're unhappy yeah they just think that's what it is it's
like clockwork like in my family it's like that's what you do you just find

(01:19:22):
somebody you get married to them and it's yeah you hate the bitch but that's
it because you're supposed to get married to that person yeah like dang.
Yeah no because when i told my one co-worker who
talks to his wife like shit i said why don't you just get a divorce you hate this
bitch so much he then he laughed at the idea and
i'm like what like you hate the person i'm confused

(01:19:43):
anyway they can't destroy the sanctity of
marriage i guess not they're working through it
by not doing anything about oh my god yeah that's
how we have so many fucking families killing each other and shit right fucking
stupid or kids with trauma and like inability to
have romantic relationships or relationships in general in
the future like come on like that's the

(01:20:04):
thing is like we learn how to be in relationship with in
relationships with people by observing our parents relationships or grandparents
relationships or like all these relationship dynamics and if you're shitting
in them like we're only gonna learn shitty things right marriage is a son of
a gun anyway what's wrong with the world today.

(01:20:31):
So any other thoughts on marriage oh i
have one little cute story so our
our neighbors they just got engaged and the story goes like this the guy he
told us i'm gonna propose to her and we're gonna go to ireland on our trip to

(01:20:52):
ireland and i'm gonna propose and then we said Oh, how cute.
Well, let us know how it goes. They go to Ireland.
They come back. They are engaged.
So then they tell us the story. But the story was, is that the girl,
she had the original intent to propose to him because she something about a leap year.

(01:21:12):
And on a leap year, the girl can propose to the guy.
And so I guess she's figured, well, we're going to go to Ireland and might as well.
The one time I can break gender norms, I suppose. Oh, my God.
I never heard that before. I never heard that either. so i guess yeah they could
the girl can propose to the guy it doesn't count and it doesn't count,

(01:21:36):
it's not weird i guess the date doesn't exist
so so they were going right
and so that was her plan she was going to propose to him and so
i guess they really want to love each other because they're both
deciding to propose at the same fucking time you though that
is cute right but so he ended up proposing first
because he proposed in the morning so she never even had to

(01:21:57):
the chance be awkward or you know
do anything weird or have the slight awkwardness of
maybe he won't say yes oh okay because i feel like that's
like a big thing where guys also are very into the idea
of like don't let a girl propose because that's desperate so i was gonna say
like did she propose at the end yeah my thing what happened was is that she
did her i think she did her own version in the end okay good and i thought that

(01:22:19):
was cute like that's so cute you both actually liked each other that much so
you proposed at the same fucking time good job can you imagine getting said no to.
I've been watching marriage proposal fails where
it's like the guy fucking proposed like you know they
do it at like a baseball game oh yeah like i think that's set up
like i don't think that's real i think that's

(01:22:41):
just for a show and but like don't
you think that you that would be a a conversation that you will have before like
we're ready for marriage right yeah before you be
like oh okay you want to marry me yeah right oh
it shouldn't be a surprise no because straight people they just think that's
the next step rates aren't okay they're not okay they're just like yeah we'll

(01:23:01):
get married she'll say yes because i'm awesome they're really so pressed on
these gender norms aren't they right like she legit couldn't propose unless
i was an imaginary day that are here for years. The fuck?
I mean, those straight men. I think that's why they struggle with the idea of like...
Us desecrating it because it's like we're crashing those gender

(01:23:21):
norms those gender roles right because we are
changing what marriage is fucks with their mind i
mean it's not the harshest but because i mean i feel
like i feel like i know even in dating a lot
of girls won't cross that line of like being the first one
to message because like the guy is set
on like if a girl messages you first then she is like a thirsty hoe and it's

(01:23:44):
like or they're desperate like they won't let that girl cross the line but then
that that's hard right because like the guy wants the hoe when he wants it but
but when she's the hoe she's nasty it's so stupid yeah,
because like i hear straight guys talk all the time about like
this like hoe mentality of like she's a

(01:24:05):
hoe because she fucks more than one
dude and it's like they have
no they can't they can't have their own autonomy or else it's like they are
now not a potential love match that's true dang that's patriarchy that's religion
it's all the things by it so you gotta wait for a leap here for more years thank

(01:24:29):
god for the patriarchy that he proposed first,
congratulations to them yeah congrats they're very cute i feel like they will
be very happy to be together for the rest of their lives.
Amen to that. Or should I say, luck to the Irish.
You're very good at these accents. I love it. Thank you. I just thought about

(01:24:51):
that married couple that was on, that gay married couple that was at the airport.
And he was like, think of the girls. Think of the girls. Shelby.
Shelby. Wait, what was that? I don't know. I think it was like on American, American flight.
It was this gay couple and they had like, I don't know. I think he must have
been drunk or something, but he was like, think of the girls.

(01:25:13):
We got to go home to the girls.
He was like, think of Shelby. And I think it was like their dogs.
Like, I don't even think. Well, then again, I don't know if they had real daughters.
That sounds real though. Right.
Y'all ain't never seen that? No. I think I remember that gay couple in an airport,
but I don't remember. And it was just in front of everybody.
Oh, and then, so it was the lady in the wheelchair and she had a service dog.

(01:25:34):
And he was like, oh, like that dog is so cute. is she like she's like fuck you
bitch i was like oh my god yeah he's wasted he's done did you see some gay city
council member peed on precinct on the door of a precinct precinct in downtown la uh-huh,
no him and his boyfriend i guess so like there was oh yes yes i did see the

(01:25:56):
video yes yes yes yes yes i'm like why because they're just drunk why he doesn't
go to the bathroom because that's what gay people do well they were being yeah
legit though like i peed on like.
Well because i think i saw this story so
i think they were they were obviously drinking at precinct right

(01:26:17):
and they were really drunk and i think
security started to follow them around so
i think they left because they were that intoxicated oh and then but they went
somewhere where it was was still precinct property and it was like this little
thing and like a glass door and like there was a camera and they didn't see

(01:26:39):
it because they were fucked up and they just started peeing right there. Fucking idiot. Yeah.
Oh my God. I didn't know it was a council person though. Yeah, that's funny.
Is it a council person or is it like a city council member? I don't know.
I don't know. It's somewhat important though. But yeah, I saw that.
But I saw in precinct like they...
Put them on blast. Precinct is good for that. They get your old camera. I was like, fuck.

(01:27:03):
I need behavior precinct. Anyway. Fucking funny.
But yeah, if gays want to get married, get married.
And also, one thing that's interesting is the gays really latched on to gay
marriage as a activist way to fight for our rights. And there's so many other things.

(01:27:26):
Like housing oh yeah like employment
guarantee discrimination free you
know but it's like nah we're going for gay marriage that is true
huh it does seem like it's like the the golden law
but i guess it kind of sort
of is because it's like about our our love

(01:27:47):
and we're proving that gayness is about love and marriage
oh yeah because we gotta fight that we're perverts yeah
as opposed to like homosexuals deviants
who are only sexual beings but that's
saying it but that's funny right because it's like we're only sexual beings
then it's like why are you discriminating against homosexuals like why won't

(01:28:08):
you discriminate against like bdsm players who are straight or like also like
furries they like make a law against furries only if that's a sexual right Right?
Like, it doesn't really make sense to discriminate against one specific sexual identity. Right.
Well, it's because straights can be into BDSM and furries. That'd be taking

(01:28:28):
away their rights. Yeah. Fuck straight people. Anyways.
Anything else on marriage, y'all? Put a ring on it. If you like it.
Then you should put a ring on it.
If you like it, then you should put a ring on it. Alright, that's the cue.
You any other gay thoughts no
no not that i can think of go get

(01:28:51):
married if you want but know the person make good
choices know them only get
married after three years of knowledge of this person don't get
married what if it's three years from a distance how distant
i would at least live with them for a good bit oh no yeah i'm truly that motherfucker

(01:29:12):
yeah don't just get carried Married away with like a whirlwind love and like
get married in a weekend of knowing them. Please don't ever do that.
Yeah, it's not pretty women, y'all.
You have time. That's true. Unless you don't. Unless you don't.
Unless you need to get that bag.
I mean. Marry that old man.

(01:29:33):
Time's running out for him. All right. From all of us here at the Queer LBC,
I'd like to thank myself, Nino, Dr.
Mikey, and And Christoph, all of us here at The Creole We See,
you're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you. Good night.
Night, night. Sleep tight. Night, night. Bye.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Dateline NBC

Stuff You Should Know

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Marriage

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Dateline NBC

Stuff You Should Know

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

All Episodes

Marriage

Dateline NBC