After a relapse that included complete stalling and avoidance due to perfectionism, I am back to share the markers of Emotional Abuse. Remember, abuse is not one red flag or one harmful event. It is a pattern over time that aims to control and coerce.
If you're like me, maybe you didn't even know. Nothing made sense until I was ready to learn but then once I did, I just couldn't unsee it. Check out this article on the Wilderness to Wild website where Coach Sarah McDougal talks about her own journey of not knowing. She says, "I honestly didn't know it was abuse." Same, girl.
Emotional Abuse IS abuse, and includes the following:
-Invalidating your perception of reality (also Gaslighting, which we talked about in the Psychological Abuse episode.)
-Insults, then says, "I'm joking, can't you take a joke, calm down!" etc.
-Denies affection, goes silent (Some call this Stonewalling or the Silent Treatment)
-Manipulates with false guilt
"Well if I was important enough, you would have done ____"
"If you really loved me you would ______"
-Flips arguments back on the victim
-Acts possessive, calling it "protective"
"What were you so busy doing that you couldn't answer my call?"
"Why are you ignoring my texts? (after three seconds of being unopened)
-Vacillates - creates relationship roller-coaster ("Maybe we should just get a divorce," followed by apologies and love bombs and promises of forever romance)
For clarifying definitions of emotional abuse, signs, and symptoms, check out Psych Central's article here, which gives a great rundown as well.
I referenced it in the last episode, but I'm linking Mother Gothel's quintessential portrayal of Gaslighting in Disney's 'Tangled.' Check out this YouTube video that breaks it down perfectly.
Thanks for listening and remember, you're not crazy, you deserve healthy love, and you're safe here.
Here’s the power and control wheel and red flags charts that I reference in this and other episodes. If you or a loved one are experiencing abuse, or even questioning if what you are experiencing is normal, I encourage you to check out these resources.
I Didn't Know It Was Abuse
Are You Experiencing Emotional Abuse and Not Aware of It?
You Might Be In An Abusive Relationship If...*
Have you ever wondered if it's abuse or just... "Marriage is hard, right? Mine is Exhibit A!"
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
The Nikki Glaser Podcast
Every week comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced, and brutally honest look into current pop-culture and her own personal life.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.