Bullies impact us in long lasting ways - how does bullying follow you as an adult

In this episode we meet Ross L, Ross is a powerlifting coach, life coach, podcaster, content creator, father, partner, and aspiring public speaker to name a few things.  After having lived a life of limits and circumstances, Ross now seeks life-expanding challenges on a regular base.  Especially challenges that allow him to connect with and support others in their journeys to break free from self-limiting beliefs.  If we can pause for a moment to recognize the learning opportunities in all of life's events, we can move forward empowered to create the experiences we most desire.  Cultivating an internal sense of belonging to move forward with.  The journey of life is full of great joy when one has a sense of belonging!   

We revisit his experiences in school, where he was the target of bullying. He internalized the statements that others made about him as his self-talk for most of his life. 

The phrase we tell young children “Stick and Stones may break your bones, but names will never hurt you,” was something he heard, but instead of helping it invalidated his experiences and what was going on for him because it did hurt. 

The impact was in many areas of his life including relationships, at 28 he realized the patterns and started therapy and working on himself to have a better relationship with himself.

Our peers really impact our self-talk but how do we challenge that self-talk? At the young ages of elementary school, we should be focusing more on identity and validating who each individual person is, and teaching compassion and kindness. 

We talk a little about school and Dana Martin's book, Radical Unschooling, and the idea of connection over correction which removes that authoritarian paradigm and puts us all on the same level playing field. In the classroom, teachers are afraid to accept responsibility or apologize. Ross noted that in the classes where the teacher allowed flexibility, there was more connection and collaboration. 

We discussed how many of our responses come from a place of our own experiences and hurt. I asked Ross to give some advice to teachers about bullying. He believes the foundation answer to that question of why our kids continue to get bullied is because, as adults, we set the example and we continue to bully.  All behaviors are learned. We teach them how to behave by how we lead. He reminds us there's no such thing as a bad kid or a misbehaved kid, only a kid who's lacking belonging and significance. Paying attention to behavior and understanding that the kid is trying to express something through this behavior. He also says we should see the bullies, see the bad behavior, and see them for the actions and the communication that they are trying to share with us.

Connect with Ross here:

Instagram: @ross.leppala

Facebook: Ross Leppala

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