In this episode we discuss:
Hidden Bank Accounts
Counting to ten before meals can lead to weight loss. Including, mindfulness and rituals like saying grace.
The concept of "parallel play" in relationships
The effectiveness of open-ended questions in negotiations
The therapeutic use of Dungeons and Dragons for anxiety.
The rising demand for wind turbine technicians.
The rising popularity of goats as pets,
For more information, and to sign up for our private coaching, visit tesh.com
Our Hosts:
John Tesh: Instagram: @johntesh_ifyl facebook.com/JohnTesh
Gib Gerard: Instagram: @GibGerard facebook.com/GibGerard X: @GibGerard
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
John, welcome to the podcast. John
(00:03):
Cheshire, Gib, Gerard, we gotgreat stuff for you. Today.
We're going to start off withsome relationship stuff. Gib,
because we can all userelationship stuff. Who can't?
Yeah, we all just need a littlebit of a boost. Yeah, it's
interesting how yourrelationship changes over every
10 years it does. So here's acrucial I don't think it's every
10th, every 10 years you look upand you realize it, it's
(00:24):
changing. It's constantly influx. So this is stuff you're
gonna be able to use, folks,here's a crucial piece of Intel.
If Do you have a bank account,yes, or a credit card or two,
you keep secret from yoursignificant other? Oh,
absolutely not. Okay, absolutelyno. According to a report from
credit cards.com One out of fourpeople who are either married or
(00:45):
living with a partner admit tohaving this a secret account. In
a recent survey, 31% of peoplethink that hiding accounts is a
form of infidelity, as bad ascheating physically and
therapists agree so. FamilyTherapist Kate Levinson, has
weighed in on this, as it's fineto keep your account separate,
as long as both of you know howmuch money is coming in, where
(01:06):
it's kept and how it's beingspent. Sure, having a secret
account that your partner knowsnothing about it can signal that
you're not fully committed tothe relationship. That's the
message that you're sending,says the therapist, many people
say they have secret accountsbecause they don't see eye to
eye about financial issues andabout spending. Okay, okay,
okay. Maybe you don't, and youdon't have to always see eye to
(01:26):
eye on every situation, but yougot, you have to communicate
about it. You have to have theconversation about where your
values are and where yourpartner's values are otherwise,
otherwise it's going to be adifferent level of conflict
later on. So absolutely not, nota good excuse to not to not be
transparent about it. Now I willgo and say that I definitely buy
things, and really hope thatthat nobody looks at the account
(01:50):
to see what, how expensive whatI just bought was, but I, but I,
but she has access. She can seeit all right. And I think that's
I think that's, I think that'simportant. I think there's a
difference you want to be Ialso, I also like, so they, I
referee some soccer games, like,most of the time I'm
volunteering, but there's ahandful of games where they pay
me and they pay me in cash. AndI also, when we go on the road,
(02:12):
I get, I get per diem and stuffwhen we're on the road that
comes in in the form of cash.
And I will say that I do not, Ido not abide by any form of
accountability now I spend thatcash that's good, yeah? So,
like, they call that fun moneyor something, like, I'm getting
extra guacamole on my Chipotlethis week because I wrapped a
(02:33):
couple extra soccer games. Ifeel okay about that, but no,
the secret accounts that we youcan't do, yeah, we actually,
when we we went through whenCOVID, I went through premarital
counseling, we came up with anumber that one one person could
spend and and didn't even haveto talk to the other person,
right? And so I've blown throughthat one synthesizer, one
(02:57):
synthesizer, yeah, exactly. But,but what happens, though, is
that with one of them, with oneof my credit cards,
she gets an alert every time,yeah, oh, I have that, yeah,
yeah. And there's actuallyanother part to this too, right?
Isnow that you can't go well, now
that most of us will will shoponline, right, you know, and
(03:18):
have the Amazon boxes come tothe house
is, you know, it's like, Okay,what's this box? Right? Or you
try to time the box, you know,you have a funny look on your
face. I mean, I literally didthis yesterday. So I coach my
son's baseball team, andI may have bought some baseball
equipment, and baseballequipment for those of you that
(03:39):
don't have kids to play baseballor play baseball yourself,
it gets expensive, yeah? Sorry,because everybody wants it,
yeah. So I may have ordered acouple of things, including a
portable pitching mound. Andthankfully, I got home last
night before she did, so I wasable to, like, okay, I can just
put this with the baseball stuffand she won't notice the one or
(03:59):
two things that I've added tothe pile that won't get through.
So I definitely did thatliterally, unless that's for
your kid, though, that's fine,yeah, I'm gonna prove that
you're gonna approve it. Ithought your approval that I'm
worried about,and she doesn't listen to
podcasts. Yeah, I'll just sendher the link. Nope, nope. No, we
have to protect each other.
There we go. All right, sothat's that don't, don't have a
(04:21):
secret card, unless you want toruin your relationship. So this
is the this right here is thelatest from Harvard University
research on aan unusual way to lose weight.
So the researchers, aftertesting all kinds of weird
stuff, they found something veryweird. They found that people
who closed their eyes andcounted to 10 before they
started a meal, consumedsignificantly fewer calories,
(04:45):
less fat and less sugar at yourhouse. That would be because one
of the kids stole your food orit spilled something, and I had
to go clean it up. And so Ididn't really get to count to
10. I was just forced to waitright as a result, these people
lost two pounds on.
Month without changing anythingelse. It turns out it's because
counting to 10 became a pre mealritual. And rituals tend to
(05:08):
stimulate the part of the brainresponsible for self discipline,
so it makes makes it easier tomuster your your willpower to to
eat less. They say that thatsaying grace before the meal
will also help. So any ritualthat brings your mind into
whatever it is that you're doingis going to improve mindfulness
and is going to make you moreaware of what you're doing. We
(05:28):
have said this on every platformthat we have, over and over and
over again. One of the biggest,one of the biggest killers, in
terms of consuming too manycalories that we have going for
us lately in this part ofcivilization is the mindless
eating, right? And by the way, Isay this as a person who
absolutely engages in this,like, if I'm alone, I'm watching
television or a movie while I'meating dinner by myself, I am
(05:51):
watching I'm watching a show onmy phone when I'm eating lunch,
like I do this. We know it's badfor us, and we know that we end
up consuming, I think it'ssomething like 30 or 40% more
calories when we do when we dothis, what any kind of ritual,
whether it's grace, closing youreyes for 10 minutes, just
focusing on your breath beforeyou start to eat, even just
(06:11):
looking and taking a picture ofyour food, all that does is it
brings you in to a state ofawareness of what you are doing.
And when you're aware, you'remore in tune with your body,
your body telling you thatyou've had enough to eat and
you're gonna you're gonna eatfewer calories. Anything we can
do to improve mindfulness,anything we can do that improves
a presentness to what we'redoing is going to make us it's
(06:34):
gonna allow our naturalfunctions to work in our favor
instead of against us. I loveit. So whether you're driving or
or sitting down to a meal, orgetting ready to talk to your
spouse, or getting ready to talkto your kids, whatever that
thing is that you do, don't havea screen in your face, or don't
have anything going on that'sgoing to distract you from that
moment. So count to 10 beforethe meal begins, and you will
you'll lose weight. So we had,we had another study on this a
(06:56):
few years back, and one of therecommendations from one of the
experts, a different expert was,was to order a, you can order
them on Amazon. Order a heavyfork or heavy, heavy silverware,
right? So they actually makethis silverware that is, I don't
know, like, 10 times heavierthan your normal fork. Yes,
absolutely. So I ordered one,right? And, and, you know,
(07:20):
you're like, You got tendonitisfrom, you know, from eating
oatmeal, oatmeal elbow. Yeah, itbut, but what happened was, on
the on the order form on Amazon,you know, when it gets the
recommendation and choices youmight also like, it also offered
me a vibrating fork and, and Ithought, why not? It was just
(07:41):
another $3 and if I just orderedthe vibrating fork alone, it
would have been $12 oh my gosh,you lose money by not buying the
vibrator. 30 pound fork is whatit felt like, and the vibrating
fork, they came at the sametime. So when the heavy fork was
just too irritating, I justended up building larger muscles
and ate more congratulations onone side of my body,
(08:01):
something like Popeye on myright side, you know. But the
vibrating fork was interestingbecause you it's, it's, it's set
to, like, two minutes. So youpush the you push the button,
and then and you right, if you,if you take a bite right that
you push the button with yourthumb, and you have to wait
until the fork vibrate. That'scool. So it's almost like the
(08:21):
vibrating toothbrush, it showsyou which, which quadrant to
going, oh, yeah, I have one ofthose. Yeah,
yeah. It didn't work. I mean, Imean, it vibrated. But it was
like, people thought I wasbecause I took it into, I took
it to restaurants. Well, that'sI take a bite and I sit there,
and then it would always startleme, because it was a real big
vibration. Oh,so I looked like Kramer from
(08:43):
Seinfeld eating at a restaurant,you know? Okay, well, I mean,
there's all kinds of great stuffyou could do. You know, people.
Did you know that people havehad their mouths wired shut to
lose weight? Yes, back in theday, back in the 60s, people
would wire their mouths. Shouldthey go to the dentist? Said,
Can you wire my mouth shut so Ican all have a liquid die so I
can only leave room for a straw.
(09:06):
I mean, people look gastricbypass is an incredibly invasive
people are doing that make mystomach smaller so I can't
overeat. It is and gadgets andsurgeries aside, what the fork
is training you to do is to eat,is to eat more slowly and more
mindfully. So it's telling you,okay, wait this long between
(09:26):
bites. Give your your stomach achance to tell your brain that
you're full. Otherwise, you'regoing to keep eating, and you're
going to eat, you know, 20 or30% more than your body actually
needs, because the signal takesthat long. I love the idea that
somebody invented this, by theway, and I love the
innovativeness. I just think youcould also do, like a timer on
your phone or any number ofother options that would help
you with this. Oh, this isreally interesting, because I
(09:47):
just as you were just talking, Ijust put, because I haven't done
this in a while, I put heavyfork into Amazon, yeah, and so
it's and this is really, this isawesome. This is helpful. So
weighted utensils for people.
With tremors or Parkinson'sParkinson's patients, it makes
easier for them to eat. Yeah,there's a little more stability.
I've also seen one with like agyroscope that stabilizes it so
(10:11):
your, your the handle and theand the the tines of the fork
are separated by a gyroscopichinge. Wow, as you, as you shake
the actual fork, or the or thespoon will stay still because
the hinge will will stabilizefor your body movement. So
there's a lot of that's that's areally useful innovation. You're
(10:32):
vibrating forks. Just seemsthat's a joke. Seems a little
ridiculous. Yeah. So there's acompany called vincere
silverware. We believe instability and independence. So
independence for people andwell, with with disease, right?
But also people in senior homeswho have who, because they live
so long, you get a little, getthe shakes and you don't have
some nobody else has to feedyou. There you go. Wow, that's
(10:55):
really cool. We just discoveredthat together, didn't we? All
right, there we go. Okay, soback to more relationship stuff,
let me, let me get your opinionon this. There's something that
we're supposed to be practicing.
It's in our relationship. It'scalled parallel play. It's the
secret to a strong relationship,according to psychiatrist Dr
Amir Levine, now, parallel play,she says, is when couples
(11:18):
regularly have activities theydo separately, but in the same
room. Yeah, I have a feeling youand your wife do this. Yes,
yeah. So, for example, onepartner reads while the other
one watches TV or works on ahobby. It's like when he's a
good example, it's like when twodogs are both chewing on toys
side by side. Right? Now, youhave that picture in your head.
They're not interacting witheach other, but they're
(11:40):
comforted by each other'spresence. So Dr Levine says
parallel play is something wenormally encourage with kids,
because it's proven to helpToddlers Learn to become social
and to share. Dr Levine saystime spent in parallel play for
adults can signal our attachmentlevel that predicts how happy
and secure we feel in ourrelationship. That's parallel
play. So I watched thisdevelopmental stage in my kids,
(12:02):
and then when, when they movefrom parallel play into
interactive play. Is, is, is asign of maturity. So you watch
it in kids, and you see them gofrom, I have to take whatever
the other person has, because Ineed to. I need to build my own
right. I need to hoard my ownstuff to I can let you know I
can let little Billy play withhis toy while I'm next to him
(12:24):
playing with mine, and theneventually they find a way to
play together. These are thedevelopmental steps that the
preschool is looking for to getthem ready for kindergarten. But
it's also, like you said, it's asign of a really healthy
relationship. So if you can bewith your partner in the same
room, doing separate things,also a good friendship, like I,
you know, my best friends arepeople. We can sit there and
watch a ball game together andnot talk very much, yeah, or we
(12:45):
can, you know, one of us can beworking on something while the
other one's making coffee, andyou talk a little bit, but it's
really about it's the personthat you can sit in the room
with and be quiet and not feelthe need to fill the space, and
not feel the need to give them100% of your attention, that's
the person that you're probablythe closest to. So it's a really
good sign of intimacy. You know,you're absolutely right.
(13:08):
I'm smiling because have youever, like, been with somebody
who feels like they need to fillthat space? I do have
a lot of people in my life likethat. I have a friend, I mean,
and not just, not just fill thespace, but fill the space with
stuff that's just personal andrelevant to them. That's the
worst. Okay, yeah, I'm thinkingof a handful of people. It's not
just one. I know you're thinkingof one, yeah, I got many. That's
(13:31):
so what's the opposite ofparallel play? Uh, intrusive
play, I don't know,asymmetrical play, yeah,
something like that.
Perpendicular play. Gonna jumpinto your life and ruin it?
Yeah.
We give a lot on our radio show.
We give a lot of advice fromfrom hostage negotiate.
Negotiators. Oh, yeah. Nobodytalks people down like, right?
(13:53):
And what's happened is a lot ofthese men and women who are
expert hostage negotiators, andthey were just trained for years
with this, watching video ofhostage negotiations and going
to school for this and becomeexperts, and then they get
retired and they becomerelationship experts, because
it's the same thing,right? So there are Alexandra
(14:16):
Carter from Columbia. She becamea Columbia Law School professor,
right? And she says she teachesabout negotiating words. And she
says, whether you're negotiatinga raise or quote asking for more
help around the house, she says,Try starting every negotiation
next time with these two words,okay, tell me, oh yeah, as in,
(14:37):
tell me what you need to makethis happen. She says, the most
successful negotiations neverstart with closed questions that
require a simple yes or noanswer, because if you say, Can
I get a raise, and your bosssays, Nope, that's the end of
the conversation. But forexample, if you ask your boss,
tell me how I can earn apromotion, it gives your boss a
chance to.
(15:00):
Share their expectations, andyou'll come away with concrete
steps. This is good. So Cartersays the tactic works for any
type of negotiation. Could bewith your landlord or your
romantic partner. Research showsthat in 93% of negotiations,
when you ask questions thatstart with the words tell me
you'll get better results thanasking questions that trigger
one word, yes or no, answers,yes, what you're what you're
(15:21):
doing, anything open ended isalways going to be better for
your relationships. Yes or No,questions are they also give the
other person an opportunity toshut you out. They are
themselves restricting, but theyalso allow the other person to
be more restrictive, if you canask open ended questions and get
them thinking. This is the othertrick that's not in this, in the
story, but I know this from allof the hostage negotiators we've
(15:42):
talked about. You get peoplethinking about the positive
outcome, and when they thinkabout the positive outcome, they
already start to associate youwith the positive outcome. Tell
me how I can get the promotion,and then that person is forced
to visualize you with thepromotion. You've done half of
the neuro linguistic programmingalready where they're already
starting to imagine you in themore successful version of
(16:03):
yourself. That's good, andthey're going to expect to see
that. That's going to be true inyour relationships too. Tell me
how I can better meet your needsand help you feel more
comfortable around me. Thatconversation starts your partner
thinking about how their needswill be met by you, which is, in
and of itself, the you know,half the battle of of
relationship conflict, all of asudden they're seeing you as the
(16:23):
solution, not the problemanymore. Those kinds of open
ended questions are huge for forgetting this, not just open
ended questions, though. So makesure that you're asking the open
ended questions with a positivebent. The other person is forced
to talk about you actuallymeeting their needs. You know,
there's aIt's interesting being you know
a boss. I've been in situationsbefore where you know people,
(16:45):
where you're working for us andand when people come and ask for
for what I try to do is, is, is,is, if you can give people a
raise before they ask, right fortwo reasons. One is you're
showing appreciation. The otheris, you're probably gonna get
them less than whatever. Don'ttell anybody. No kidding, but,
no but, but I've had, I've hadsituations where people wanted
(17:09):
to ask for a raise, you know,years ago and they was something
like so you wouldn't be willingto give me a raise, would you
you're asking with the negative?
Yeah. Oh man, be careful withthat. Don't leave with the
negative. Yeah, it doesn't have,you don't have to be
overconfident about it, youknow. Be like, give me more
money, you know, Jerko, you butyou, you have, you have to put,
(17:31):
you have to frame yourself inthe positive light. I feel that
I've done a lot recently, in thelast quarter or two, to deserve,
at the very least, a cost ofliving, raise, and, I think, a
promotion. And it doesn't haveto be, you don't have to be full
of yourself. You can just sayand you can also frame it like
we just told you. Tell me if Ihaven't met those expectations,
tell me what additional things Icould be doing or how I could
(17:52):
additionally meet yourexpectations in order to justify
this. That's a huge again, youget some thinking about the
positive if you if you get tothink about the negative, you're
giving them the reason to say,No. Get them thinking about the
positive. About the positive, sothat they they now they want to
give you the right or come andor I like people who show up
with, like, presentations, like,even on your iPad. You know,
anybody can do that, like can,but now you love, I love that
(18:13):
stuff. It's so impressive to me.
Where, where you say, say, Hey,I've come up with three ways
that I think we can generatemore and more. Here the bullet
points in here's a video I'vehad on YouTube. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. It doesn't take much forme, just
a little YouTube video. And I'mlike, Wow, you're really, you
know how to work YouTube.
Anything. Here you go. Raisecity. Uh, we've talked about
(18:34):
Dungeons and Dragons before,right? I haven't, I haven't, uh,
ever played it, but, but it'sfrom the 1970s apparently,
right? Yeah, it's role playinggame. And where did you Where
did you play? Did you play it onPlayStation? I didn't know it's,
it's a board game. I don't theyhave some online versions that
you can do, but, but look, thereal value in it is the
(18:58):
storytelling. It's an openended, open world game, board
game that existed before we hadopen world games on video games.
Okay, this is why I bring it up,because therapists are now using
Dungeons and Dragons to treatthe game, to treat anxiety and
not real. Dungeons and Dragonsto teach, sounds bad, to teach
anxiety, to treat anxiety anddepression, and what makes it
(19:21):
effective at boosting mentalhealth is Anthony bean is a
therapist and founder of geektherapeutics. Interesting, says
the social aspect of D and D, Iguess, as it's known, yeah, can
only be played with otherpeople. Yep, that helps ease
depression by providing a senseof community, and therapists are
being trained to use dungeon anddungeons and dragons in group
(19:44):
therapy sessions. There's alsoso the problem solving aspect,
okay, yeah, so thinking aboutthe best way to fight a dragon,
for example, helps them considernew ways to overcome their own
mental health, like their fighttheir demons, their monsters.
Yeah.
Yes, so they are, they aremetaphorical demons that will
help you fight your metaphoricaldemons, or they are artificial
(20:07):
demons that'll help you fightyour metaphorical ones. The the
the thing about it is it'scoordinated play, and it's open
ended, right? So you have towork with your your partners,
with your teammates, to solve toget through the dungeon, to
defeat the monsters, to defeatthe demons, all of these things.
And in doing so, you you tell astory. So Jon Favreau, a
(20:30):
director that you and I havemet,
directed so many Iron Man. IronMan's a Thora, the new jungle
books, all of that stuff.
Wrote swingers with Wow, yeah.
So, I mean, he obviously, heunderstands stories that, but He
is quotedhis his youth spent playing
Dungeons and Dragons with hisunderstanding of story, his
(20:51):
understanding of storydevelopment and drama and
tension and all of those thingsand how they make him a better
storyteller. As a storytellingprofessional everything, whether
you're raising money for abusiness, or you're doing you're
in sales, or you are aprofessional storyteller in
film, television, radio,wherever, all of it is
storytelling and uses the samebasic dynamics. And practicing
(21:12):
with Dungeons and Dragons isgoing to make you more
successful, and even justtelling your own story in
therapy, all of that is useful.
Dungeon dragons has gotten a badrap for a couple of reasons. One
is there was a big move in the80s where they thought that
everything was satanic for alittle while, and Dungeons and
Dragons got dragged down bythat. And then there were a
couple of films that involvedlike Dungeons and Dragons coming
(21:34):
to life and pulling kids intothe game. So that combination
kind of gave it a stigmainteresting, but it really is a
fantastic way of learning aboutstorytelling, and a great way
for people to we talked earlierabout parallel play. It's a
great way to get intocoordinated play, because you're
playing against these people,you're playing with them and
trying to solve the questtogether. Wow, therapists using
(21:55):
Dungeons and Dragons for therapysessions. Question for you, are
you one of those people I don'tthink you are. Are you one of
those people who doesn't wantanybody doesn't want anybody to
touch the food on your plate?
Yeah, really I am. I had to getover it. I am one of those
people, but I no longer enforcethat part of myself, right? Is
it part of me? It's like myappendix. It's just sitting
there, kind of dead, but itmight, at the wrong point, get
inflamed, and then it'll explodeand kill me. So what was it?
(22:18):
Wow. So what was a scenariowhere somebody would take the
food off your plate, or I'llgive you the grossest one, I'll
give you the one that, if when Ithink about now still makes me
mad, but I again, I have kidsnow who do the same thing. I
have gotten over it after all ofthese years. I was dating my
wife at the time. I mean, at thetime she was I was dating her.
We got burritos, and she reachedover, put her fingers in and
(22:42):
grabbed a chunk of something outof my burrito to eat the chunk
of the thing, like it was apiece of chicken or something.
And I was like, that's, that's,I can't even finish this
burrito. So disgusting, right?
So you think, of course, ohyeah. I was like,
stop. Did she find that what?
She was like, what? What's thebig deal. I was like, Don't do
that. And then, and so, like,she didn't really stop. I got
(23:04):
over it. And then when we hadkids, I had to really
because, I mean, I got, I have akid, my kids will just come up,
grab out of my arms, sneeze inmy face while I'm in the middle
of eating. I have to just livewith this nice job. Well, there
isn't. The reason I bring it upis this, there's this new thing
called not new thing. It'scalled courtship feeding. It's
(23:25):
about sharing food andcloseness. There's a study in
the Journal of frontiers inpsychology. These guys study
everything. Sharing foodincreases our interpersonal
closeness, they say. And if youphysically share the food by
offering a slice of pizza toyour partner or putting half the
sushi roll on their plate, nottaking it over your it makes the
giver of the food like the likethe recipient more other way
(23:47):
around too. So the whole thinggoes back to human infancy,
apparently. So this will be goodfor you, basically offering a
baby food through breast feedingor bottle feeding. It's one of
the earliest behavioral andbiological interactions between
a parent or child, and we neverforget that, even if we don't
consciously think about it. Sowhen somebody offers you food,
shares their food, or makes youfood, you feel loved and
(24:09):
nurtured in a very basic andprimal sense. Absolutely, that's
sharing food. That's not takingfood off. Yeah. So again, if
we're choosing to share food,and again, at this point, I like
that, like I said, it is avestigial organ within myself
that I have had to push down,like a lot of emotional needs
that will eventually blow up andkill me. But for now, I just
(24:31):
live with it.
Offering like so last night, wehad a school event, and there
was pizza, and I had a bite ofpizza. My 10 year old daughter
was near me, and I gave her abite, and then I took a bite,
and then vice versa, when shehad a slice of pizza. This is
the same with me. That was finethe fingers in my food while I'm
eating it, yeah, still gives me,makes me uncomfortable, and also
still happens to this day, andthat's the part that's gonna
(24:53):
explode on me. Eventually.
You've made progress. I have.
It's what is it called immersiontherapy, but I've lived in a.
Version therapy with three kids.
Okay, two more pieces that youguys will be able to use for
conversation starters. The firstone is that the most in demand
job right now is not a nurse ora teacher. It's wind turbine
service technician. This is fromBusiness Week job job postings
(25:16):
for wind farm technicians havegrown six times six fold in the
last few years, faster than anyother occupation, and jobs are
predicted to grow by 45% everyyear. Coming in second are nurse
practitioner jobs, which is anurse who's qualified to treat
patients without the directsupervision of a doctor. That's
actually great. Yes, they canprescribe medication, but let me
(25:38):
go back to the wind turbines. Awind turbine technician, can
make $80,000 a year without acollege degree. If you have a
fear ofif you're heights, it's not the
job for you. If you have a fearof heights or vertigo, it's not
the job for you. Understatement,training can we're ready.
Training can include rappellingoff a water tower or lugging 50
(25:59):
pounds of gear 300 feet in theair, because the job entails
climbing wind towers to install,inspect or repair equipment.
It's the, again, it's thefastest growing occupation,
sure. I mean, look,there's a certain danger and
adventure element, and it is,you know, the as as wind
infrastructure, it becomes moreprevalent, and some of the older
(26:20):
stuff ages, ages out that has tobe maintained and inspected, and
people have to climb up and dothis stuff. There are tons of
videos of people online where itgoes well, and they show you the
amazing views that they have andhow they are able to maintain
these, these, you know, thewindmills. And then there are
the videos of them going bad,that are equally terrible, that
(26:41):
are as positive as the one is.
They are terrifying when they gobad. But, and there's also,
like, there's these radio towersthat have that have the lights
on the top for airplanes, andthey're so high up that they the
people make, you know, 510, even$15,000, just to change the
(27:02):
light bulb one time, wow, everysix months. Wow. So they just
that one climb. But you see, youwatch, you watch it. It takes,
like, a day, all day, and theweather has to be right. And,
and you see, when they're upthere, like, oh yeah, there's
only a handful of people to bewilling, yeah, and lost goes and
don't, don't use an LED light.
You know,your last like five months. All
(27:22):
right, okay, so last thing, ifyou are not a dog, but let's say
you're allergic, right? You'renot a dog person or a cat
person, you're allergic to both.
Really, I'm mildly allergic todogs I live with. I deal with
that. I'm extremely allergic tocats, like I can't be in the
room. Of course, you have, youhave Leroy that goes over the
house, okay, but you might be agoat person. This is becoming
(27:44):
veryYeah, I've seen people with pet
goats. They're awesome, really.
They're relatively clean. Theythey if you have your if you
have enough land, they actuallyhelp you maintain your yard.
You know, more than this than Ido. A study from Queen Mary
University in London said, if wejust gave goats a chance they
could be man's other bestfriend. The researchers say
goats have the same capacity tobond with humans the way puppies
(28:06):
do by looking into humans eyes.
I don't think I'd like that whenthere's there's there not is non
threatening eye contact, thebonding hormone oxytocin is
released in both the animal andthe human. The behavior is
called directed gazing, anddomesticated horses do it, as
well as Leroy the dog and otherdogs. This study is the first to
observe the same behavior ingoat. They'll they'll gaze into
(28:26):
your eyes. Oh, so Okay, so thisreminds me of a couple of
things. So one is, I've seenpeople with pet goats, and they
seem extremely happy. Just keepin mind that they get to a
certain size, which is probablybig, like Leroy, is way smaller
than a goat. So you have tounderstand that they're not
going to eat. You can't go to,can't go to Petco and get goat
kibble. You gotta have, youknow, you gotta have the regular
(28:50):
grass to give your goat. That'sone two. So you gotta, you gotta
know what you're gettingyourself into. So that's one
two. If, if eye contact with agoat bothers you well, and you
like horror and, or you likehorror movies and, or you
actually want to get a goat, donot watch the horror movie which
W, it's like, V, V, I, T, C, Hfoods, which just don't do that.
(29:12):
What is it? Well, it's a storyof like a family in the woods in
Massachusetts, and they'rehaunted by something. This
movie's like, you know, 1015,years old. Who's gonna give it
away? It's the goat. The goatis, the goat is demon, yeah,
yeah. So don't, if you don'twatch that movie and get a pet
goat or or do watch that movieand just stick with your dog or
(29:35):
cat. Wow, the goat after thatmovie is gonna make you really
uncomfortable. Well, isn't ittrue, though, that if you give
like, you know, it's if you givea family a goat, it can take
care of the whole family withfood. And yeah. So this is not
like in suburban Ohio. You haveto give the goat to like,
somebody who has land, and thatjust like a random suburb, you
(29:55):
have to have land, but yes, withthe milk. Yeah.
And the and eventually, themeat, goat cheese too. Yes, very
healthy. You can't you thereare, like any kind of livestock
animals, you have to look atthem. And, I mean, if you're if
you're doing this, so if youhave a goat based business,
(30:16):
you don't necessarily have tolook them in the eyes and bond
with them. Based businessselling the cheese and the milk,
although don't they also usethem for brush clearance. They
do. Yeah. So again, you mightmake your job easier, but it's
not as important. That's verydifferent from column B, which
is the pets, which is what we'vebeen talking about up until now.
So if you're if you're lookingto earn money with animal
(30:38):
husbandry, with via the goat,look them in the eyes. Don't
look them in the eyes. Just makesure they're producing their
milk and eating the and eatingthe grass. But if you would just
like the family pet to be agoat, they can bond with you. A
lot of options with goats. Wegot, I'm gonna get you in a goat
by the end of the day. I gotoptions Well, and what if you
what if you order that? What ifyou order a mountain goat and
the darn thing keeps climbing uponto your house,
(31:01):
you're seeing those things,yeah? Do they have little
suction cups on their hooks? Isthat? Right? That's how they do
that, yeah? So they, it seems todefy physics, but they actually
have extra force that holdsthem. That's interesting. So why
aren't they more popular aspets?
Okay, somebody is, somebody's inthe market for a Bijon freeze, a
(31:22):
or a Y Moran is not going tocome home with a goat. Okay, so
I'm sorry, I'm asking too manyquestions, but who wins? Because
we have coyotes all over theplace, who wins between a goat
and a coyote? I mean, I'm prettysure, but in Jurassic Park, the
goat was eaten by the T Rex.
That's a T rex is not a coyote.
My guess is, if you got one lonegoat with the coyotes, yeah,
(31:43):
you're you're losing the goatfor trouble, yes, but if you
have a herd, the goats might beable to properly defend
themselves from the coyote.
Okay, we are really off therails. We're not really, because
I'm really interested in this.
How much does it cost to buy agoat? You guys can tune out
anytime you want, because I'mjust getting good information.
Here are you trying to buy agoat like Oxfam, to buy it for
(32:03):
somebody else, you try toactually have built a goat
business. Okay. Oh, okay. Sohere is livestock market.com
Yeah, you can get a purebredNigerian dwarf Goat, goat for
that's gonna be, that's gonnabe, stay small, that one's the
ones thatjust adorable. $600 for a goat,
yeah, or three, 352, yeah.
There's a full size one for six,for $700 Okay, so again, because
(32:26):
it's a livestock animal, it hasa certain amount of marketplace
intrinsic value that a that,say, like a Boston Terrier or
French Bulldog does not have.
I'm gonna have to get bone up onbut you got to get a couple of
goats, because you have thecoyotes in the mountain lions.
Eventually, you're just going tohave this service where you're
feeding mountain lions byaccident. Now I'm thinking of
Christmas presents for thestaff. Everybody gets goat Well,
(32:46):
look, I have to get, I have toget up on the on the
nomenclature here, becausethere's, this is a sweet two by
two Venus Fly Trap, purebredNigerian dwarf. I guess these
are used.
I don't want to know yourdefinition of a used goat is.
There's a winning streak oursugar maple purebred. Someone's
(33:10):
actually going to comment onthis, because I don't know if
some of those might be theirnames. It's hard to tell from
this website, okay, but isn't ita great website? It is a great
website. Maybe we should do alittle bit more of our how to
find the right goats.
Okay, well, we'll dig into this.
We'll dig in. Wow. Thank This isfantastic. Follow up episode
about how, like, you got to go.
You named it. You fell in lovewith it. Yeah, I want, I want to
(33:31):
go with the suction cup feet. Idon't know that you I think
there's a, there's a heart,like, they have the horns and
stuff like, that's like the bighorn sheep. They hit you. Oh,
you know, my, my, my nephew,Jimmy, right? He he has two. He
has two of something that run,run into each other and hit each
other. Romney, their name,Romulus and Remus. There's
(33:53):
goats, rams. What I'm not, I'mnot familiar with, with what
Jimmy's catalog of livestock isoff the top of my head. There's
shorter and they run at eachother. So those could be rams.
He might have a herd of sheepthat he has, and he needs the
males around to maintain hisherd. It might be too male lives
in this city. I don't I don'tknow the details. Why are we?
(34:15):
How did I become the goatexpert? All of a sudden, you are
I just own a couple of peoplewith goats. They seem nice. And
I saw the word Yeah, if you getan All Black Goat, I'm gonna
have a hard time. You do hearthat sound? It's people tuning
out, unsubscribing. Thank youfor joining us for the podcast.
I probably have more fun thanany of people. This is exciting.
(34:37):
I'll be back next time to talkabout which goat I decide on,
okay, you get a goat. What doyou mean if we're gonna post it
on social media? Oh, you're onyour goat. Okay? Forgive for
walk, forgive Gerard of JohnTesh. We'll see you next time
you.
John, welcome to the podcast. John
(00:03):
Cheshire, Gib, Gerard, we gotgreat stuff for you. Today.
We're going to start off withsome relationship stuff. Gib,
because we can all userelationship stuff. Who can't?
Yeah, we all just need a littlebit of a boost. Yeah, it's
interesting how yourrelationship changes over every
10 years it does. So here's acrucial I don't think it's every
10th, every 10 years you look upand you realize it, it's
(00:24):
changing. It's constantly influx. So this is stuff you're
gonna be able to use, folks,here's a crucial piece of Intel.
If Do you have a bank account,yes, or a credit card or two,
you keep secret from yoursignificant other? Oh,
absolutely not. Okay, absolutelyno. According to a report from
credit cards.com One out of fourpeople who are either married or
(00:45):
living with a partner admit tohaving this a secret account. In
a recent survey, 31% of peoplethink that hiding accounts is a
form of infidelity, as bad ascheating physically and
therapists agree so. FamilyTherapist Kate Levinson, has
weighed in on this, as it's fineto keep your account separate,
as long as both of you know howmuch money is coming in, where
(01:06):
it's kept and how it's beingspent. Sure, having a secret
account that your partner knowsnothing about it can signal that
you're not fully committed tothe relationship. That's the
message that you're sending,says the therapist, many people
say they have secret accountsbecause they don't see eye to
eye about financial issues andabout spending. Okay, okay,
okay. Maybe you don't, and youdon't have to always see eye to
(01:26):
eye on every situation, but yougot, you have to communicate
about it. You have to have theconversation about where your
values are and where yourpartner's values are otherwise,
otherwise it's going to be adifferent level of conflict
later on. So absolutely not, nota good excuse to not to not be
transparent about it. Now I willgo and say that I definitely buy
things, and really hope thatthat nobody looks at the account
(01:50):
to see what, how expensive whatI just bought was, but I, but I,
but she has access. She can seeit all right. And I think that's
I think that's, I think that'simportant. I think there's a
difference you want to be Ialso, I also like, so they, I
referee some soccer games, like,most of the time I'm
volunteering, but there's ahandful of games where they pay
me and they pay me in cash. AndI also, when we go on the road,
(02:12):
I get, I get per diem and stuffwhen we're on the road that
comes in in the form of cash.
And I will say that I do not, Ido not abide by any form of
accountability now I spend thatcash that's good, yeah? So,
like, they call that fun moneyor something, like, I'm getting
extra guacamole on my Chipotlethis week because I wrapped a
(02:33):
couple extra soccer games. Ifeel okay about that, but no,
the secret accounts that we youcan't do, yeah, we actually,
when we we went through whenCOVID, I went through premarital
counseling, we came up with anumber that one one person could
spend and and didn't even haveto talk to the other person,
right? And so I've blown throughthat one synthesizer, one
(02:57):
synthesizer, yeah, exactly. But,but what happens, though, is
that with one of them, with oneof my credit cards,
she gets an alert every time,yeah, oh, I have that, yeah,
yeah. And there's actuallyanother part to this too, right?
Isnow that you can't go well, now
that most of us will will shoponline, right, you know, and
(03:18):
have the Amazon boxes come tothe house
is, you know, it's like, Okay,what's this box? Right? Or you
try to time the box, you know,you have a funny look on your
face. I mean, I literally didthis yesterday. So I coach my
son's baseball team, andI may have bought some baseball
equipment, and baseballequipment for those of you that
(03:39):
don't have kids to play baseballor play baseball yourself,
it gets expensive, yeah? Sorry,because everybody wants it,
yeah. So I may have ordered acouple of things, including a
portable pitching mound. Andthankfully, I got home last
night before she did, so I wasable to, like, okay, I can just
put this with the baseball stuffand she won't notice the one or
(03:59):
two things that I've added tothe pile that won't get through.
So I definitely did thatliterally, unless that's for
your kid, though, that's fine,yeah, I'm gonna prove that
you're gonna approve it. Ithought your approval that I'm
worried about,and she doesn't listen to
podcasts. Yeah, I'll just sendher the link. Nope, nope. No, we
have to protect each other.
There we go. All right, sothat's that don't, don't have a
(04:21):
secret card, unless you want toruin your relationship. So this
is the this right here is thelatest from Harvard University
research on aan unusual way to lose weight.
So the researchers, aftertesting all kinds of weird
stuff, they found something veryweird. They found that people
who closed their eyes andcounted to 10 before they
started a meal, consumedsignificantly fewer calories,
(04:45):
less fat and less sugar at yourhouse. That would be because one
of the kids stole your food orit spilled something, and I had
to go clean it up. And so Ididn't really get to count to
10. I was just forced to waitright as a result, these people
lost two pounds on.
Month without changing anythingelse. It turns out it's because
counting to 10 became a pre mealritual. And rituals tend to
(05:08):
stimulate the part of the brainresponsible for self discipline,
so it makes makes it easier tomuster your your willpower to to
eat less. They say that thatsaying grace before the meal
will also help. So any ritualthat brings your mind into
whatever it is that you're doingis going to improve mindfulness
and is going to make you moreaware of what you're doing. We
(05:28):
have said this on every platformthat we have, over and over and
over again. One of the biggest,one of the biggest killers, in
terms of consuming too manycalories that we have going for
us lately in this part ofcivilization is the mindless
eating, right? And by the way, Isay this as a person who
absolutely engages in this,like, if I'm alone, I'm watching
television or a movie while I'meating dinner by myself, I am
(05:51):
watching I'm watching a show onmy phone when I'm eating lunch,
like I do this. We know it's badfor us, and we know that we end
up consuming, I think it'ssomething like 30 or 40% more
calories when we do when we dothis, what any kind of ritual,
whether it's grace, closing youreyes for 10 minutes, just
focusing on your breath beforeyou start to eat, even just
(06:11):
looking and taking a picture ofyour food, all that does is it
brings you in to a state ofawareness of what you are doing.
And when you're aware, you'remore in tune with your body,
your body telling you thatyou've had enough to eat and
you're gonna you're gonna eatfewer calories. Anything we can
do to improve mindfulness,anything we can do that improves
a presentness to what we'redoing is going to make us it's
(06:34):
gonna allow our naturalfunctions to work in our favor
instead of against us. I loveit. So whether you're driving or
or sitting down to a meal, orgetting ready to talk to your
spouse, or getting ready to talkto your kids, whatever that
thing is that you do, don't havea screen in your face, or don't
have anything going on that'sgoing to distract you from that
moment. So count to 10 beforethe meal begins, and you will
you'll lose weight. So we had,we had another study on this a
(06:56):
few years back, and one of therecommendations from one of the
experts, a different expert was,was to order a, you can order
them on Amazon. Order a heavyfork or heavy, heavy silverware,
right? So they actually makethis silverware that is, I don't
know, like, 10 times heavierthan your normal fork. Yes,
absolutely. So I ordered one,right? And, and, you know,
(07:20):
you're like, You got tendonitisfrom, you know, from eating
oatmeal, oatmeal elbow. Yeah, itbut, but what happened was, on
the on the order form on Amazon,you know, when it gets the
recommendation and choices youmight also like, it also offered
me a vibrating fork and, and Ithought, why not? It was just
(07:41):
another $3 and if I just orderedthe vibrating fork alone, it
would have been $12 oh my gosh,you lose money by not buying the
vibrator. 30 pound fork is whatit felt like, and the vibrating
fork, they came at the sametime. So when the heavy fork was
just too irritating, I justended up building larger muscles
and ate more congratulations onone side of my body,
(08:01):
something like Popeye on myright side, you know. But the
vibrating fork was interestingbecause you it's, it's, it's set
to, like, two minutes. So youpush the you push the button,
and then and you right, if you,if you take a bite right that
you push the button with yourthumb, and you have to wait
until the fork vibrate. That'scool. So it's almost like the
(08:21):
vibrating toothbrush, it showsyou which, which quadrant to
going, oh, yeah, I have one ofthose. Yeah,
yeah. It didn't work. I mean, Imean, it vibrated. But it was
like, people thought I wasbecause I took it into, I took
it to restaurants. Well, that'sI take a bite and I sit there,
and then it would always startleme, because it was a real big
vibration. Oh,so I looked like Kramer from
(08:43):
Seinfeld eating at a restaurant,you know? Okay, well, I mean,
there's all kinds of great stuffyou could do. You know, people.
Did you know that people havehad their mouths wired shut to
lose weight? Yes, back in theday, back in the 60s, people
would wire their mouths. Shouldthey go to the dentist? Said,
Can you wire my mouth shut so Ican all have a liquid die so I
can only leave room for a straw.
(09:06):
I mean, people look gastricbypass is an incredibly invasive
people are doing that make mystomach smaller so I can't
overeat. It is and gadgets andsurgeries aside, what the fork
is training you to do is to eat,is to eat more slowly and more
mindfully. So it's telling you,okay, wait this long between
(09:26):
bites. Give your your stomach achance to tell your brain that
you're full. Otherwise, you'regoing to keep eating, and you're
going to eat, you know, 20 or30% more than your body actually
needs, because the signal takesthat long. I love the idea that
somebody invented this, by theway, and I love the
innovativeness. I just think youcould also do, like a timer on
your phone or any number ofother options that would help
you with this. Oh, this isreally interesting, because I
(09:47):
just as you were just talking, Ijust put, because I haven't done
this in a while, I put heavyfork into Amazon, yeah, and so
it's and this is really, this isawesome. This is helpful. So
weighted utensils for people.
With tremors or Parkinson'sParkinson's patients, it makes
easier for them to eat. Yeah,there's a little more stability.
I've also seen one with like agyroscope that stabilizes it so
(10:11):
your, your the handle and theand the the tines of the fork
are separated by a gyroscopichinge. Wow, as you, as you shake
the actual fork, or the or thespoon will stay still because
the hinge will will stabilizefor your body movement. So
there's a lot of that's that's areally useful innovation. You're
(10:32):
vibrating forks. Just seemsthat's a joke. Seems a little
ridiculous. Yeah. So there's acompany called vincere
silverware. We believe instability and independence. So
independence for people andwell, with with disease, right?
But also people in senior homeswho have who, because they live
so long, you get a little, getthe shakes and you don't have
some nobody else has to feedyou. There you go. Wow, that's
(10:55):
really cool. We just discoveredthat together, didn't we? All
right, there we go. Okay, soback to more relationship stuff,
let me, let me get your opinionon this. There's something that
we're supposed to be practicing.
It's in our relationship. It'scalled parallel play. It's the
secret to a strong relationship,according to psychiatrist Dr
Amir Levine, now, parallel play,she says, is when couples
(11:18):
regularly have activities theydo separately, but in the same
room. Yeah, I have a feeling youand your wife do this. Yes,
yeah. So, for example, onepartner reads while the other
one watches TV or works on ahobby. It's like when he's a
good example, it's like when twodogs are both chewing on toys
side by side. Right? Now, youhave that picture in your head.
They're not interacting witheach other, but they're
(11:40):
comforted by each other'spresence. So Dr Levine says
parallel play is something wenormally encourage with kids,
because it's proven to helpToddlers Learn to become social
and to share. Dr Levine saystime spent in parallel play for
adults can signal our attachmentlevel that predicts how happy
and secure we feel in ourrelationship. That's parallel
play. So I watched thisdevelopmental stage in my kids,
(12:02):
and then when, when they movefrom parallel play into
interactive play. Is, is, is asign of maturity. So you watch
it in kids, and you see them gofrom, I have to take whatever
the other person has, because Ineed to. I need to build my own
right. I need to hoard my ownstuff to I can let you know I
can let little Billy play withhis toy while I'm next to him
(12:24):
playing with mine, and theneventually they find a way to
play together. These are thedevelopmental steps that the
preschool is looking for to getthem ready for kindergarten. But
it's also, like you said, it's asign of a really healthy
relationship. So if you can bewith your partner in the same
room, doing separate things,also a good friendship, like I,
you know, my best friends arepeople. We can sit there and
watch a ball game together andnot talk very much, yeah, or we
(12:45):
can, you know, one of us can beworking on something while the
other one's making coffee, andyou talk a little bit, but it's
really about it's the personthat you can sit in the room
with and be quiet and not feelthe need to fill the space, and
not feel the need to give them100% of your attention, that's
the person that you're probablythe closest to. So it's a really
good sign of intimacy. You know,you're absolutely right.
(13:08):
I'm smiling because have youever, like, been with somebody
who feels like they need to fillthat space? I do have
a lot of people in my life likethat. I have a friend, I mean,
and not just, not just fill thespace, but fill the space with
stuff that's just personal andrelevant to them. That's the
worst. Okay, yeah, I'm thinkingof a handful of people. It's not
just one. I know you're thinkingof one, yeah, I got many. That's
(13:31):
so what's the opposite ofparallel play? Uh, intrusive
play, I don't know,asymmetrical play, yeah,
something like that.
Perpendicular play. Gonna jumpinto your life and ruin it?
Yeah.
We give a lot on our radio show.
We give a lot of advice fromfrom hostage negotiate.
Negotiators. Oh, yeah. Nobodytalks people down like, right?
(13:53):
And what's happened is a lot ofthese men and women who are
expert hostage negotiators, andthey were just trained for years
with this, watching video ofhostage negotiations and going
to school for this and becomeexperts, and then they get
retired and they becomerelationship experts, because
it's the same thing,right? So there are Alexandra
(14:16):
Carter from Columbia. She becamea Columbia Law School professor,
right? And she says she teachesabout negotiating words. And she
says, whether you're negotiatinga raise or quote asking for more
help around the house, she says,Try starting every negotiation
next time with these two words,okay, tell me, oh yeah, as in,
(14:37):
tell me what you need to makethis happen. She says, the most
successful negotiations neverstart with closed questions that
require a simple yes or noanswer, because if you say, Can
I get a raise, and your bosssays, Nope, that's the end of
the conversation. But forexample, if you ask your boss,
tell me how I can earn apromotion, it gives your boss a
chance to.
(15:00):
Share their expectations, andyou'll come away with concrete
steps. This is good. So Cartersays the tactic works for any
type of negotiation. Could bewith your landlord or your
romantic partner. Research showsthat in 93% of negotiations,
when you ask questions thatstart with the words tell me
you'll get better results thanasking questions that trigger
one word, yes or no, answers,yes, what you're what you're
(15:21):
doing, anything open ended isalways going to be better for
your relationships. Yes or No,questions are they also give the
other person an opportunity toshut you out. They are
themselves restricting, but theyalso allow the other person to
be more restrictive, if you canask open ended questions and get
them thinking. This is the othertrick that's not in this, in the
story, but I know this from allof the hostage negotiators we've
(15:42):
talked about. You get peoplethinking about the positive
outcome, and when they thinkabout the positive outcome, they
already start to associate youwith the positive outcome. Tell
me how I can get the promotion,and then that person is forced
to visualize you with thepromotion. You've done half of
the neuro linguistic programmingalready where they're already
starting to imagine you in themore successful version of
(16:03):
yourself. That's good, andthey're going to expect to see
that. That's going to be true inyour relationships too. Tell me
how I can better meet your needsand help you feel more
comfortable around me. Thatconversation starts your partner
thinking about how their needswill be met by you, which is, in
and of itself, the you know,half the battle of of
relationship conflict, all of asudden they're seeing you as the
(16:23):
solution, not the problemanymore. Those kinds of open
ended questions are huge for forgetting this, not just open
ended questions, though. So makesure that you're asking the open
ended questions with a positivebent. The other person is forced
to talk about you actuallymeeting their needs. You know,
there's aIt's interesting being you know
a boss. I've been in situationsbefore where you know people,
(16:45):
where you're working for us andand when people come and ask for
for what I try to do is, is, is,is, if you can give people a
raise before they ask, right fortwo reasons. One is you're
showing appreciation. The otheris, you're probably gonna get
them less than whatever. Don'ttell anybody. No kidding, but,
no but, but I've had, I've hadsituations where people wanted
(17:09):
to ask for a raise, you know,years ago and they was something
like so you wouldn't be willingto give me a raise, would you
you're asking with the negative?
Yeah. Oh man, be careful withthat. Don't leave with the
negative. Yeah, it doesn't have,you don't have to be
overconfident about it, youknow. Be like, give me more
money, you know, Jerko, you butyou, you have, you have to put,
(17:31):
you have to frame yourself inthe positive light. I feel that
I've done a lot recently, in thelast quarter or two, to deserve,
at the very least, a cost ofliving, raise, and, I think, a
promotion. And it doesn't haveto be, you don't have to be full
of yourself. You can just sayand you can also frame it like
we just told you. Tell me if Ihaven't met those expectations,
tell me what additional things Icould be doing or how I could
(17:52):
additionally meet yourexpectations in order to justify
this. That's a huge again, youget some thinking about the
positive if you if you get tothink about the negative, you're
giving them the reason to say,No. Get them thinking about the
positive. About the positive, sothat they they now they want to
give you the right or come andor I like people who show up
with, like, presentations, like,even on your iPad. You know,
anybody can do that, like can,but now you love, I love that
(18:13):
stuff. It's so impressive to me.
Where, where you say, say, Hey,I've come up with three ways
that I think we can generatemore and more. Here the bullet
points in here's a video I'vehad on YouTube. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. It doesn't take much forme, just
a little YouTube video. And I'mlike, Wow, you're really, you
know how to work YouTube.
Anything. Here you go. Raisecity. Uh, we've talked about
(18:34):
Dungeons and Dragons before,right? I haven't, I haven't, uh,
ever played it, but, but it'sfrom the 1970s apparently,
right? Yeah, it's role playinggame. And where did you Where
did you play? Did you play it onPlayStation? I didn't know it's,
it's a board game. I don't theyhave some online versions that
you can do, but, but look, thereal value in it is the
(18:58):
storytelling. It's an openended, open world game, board
game that existed before we hadopen world games on video games.
Okay, this is why I bring it up,because therapists are now using
Dungeons and Dragons to treatthe game, to treat anxiety and
not real. Dungeons and Dragonsto teach, sounds bad, to teach
anxiety, to treat anxiety anddepression, and what makes it
(19:21):
effective at boosting mentalhealth is Anthony bean is a
therapist and founder of geektherapeutics. Interesting, says
the social aspect of D and D, Iguess, as it's known, yeah, can
only be played with otherpeople. Yep, that helps ease
depression by providing a senseof community, and therapists are
being trained to use dungeon anddungeons and dragons in group
(19:44):
therapy sessions. There's alsoso the problem solving aspect,
okay, yeah, so thinking aboutthe best way to fight a dragon,
for example, helps them considernew ways to overcome their own
mental health, like their fighttheir demons, their monsters.
Yeah.
Yes, so they are, they aremetaphorical demons that will
help you fight your metaphoricaldemons, or they are artificial
(20:07):
demons that'll help you fightyour metaphorical ones. The the
the thing about it is it'scoordinated play, and it's open
ended, right? So you have towork with your your partners,
with your teammates, to solve toget through the dungeon, to
defeat the monsters, to defeatthe demons, all of these things.
And in doing so, you you tell astory. So Jon Favreau, a
(20:30):
director that you and I havemet,
directed so many Iron Man. IronMan's a Thora, the new jungle
books, all of that stuff.
Wrote swingers with Wow, yeah.
So, I mean, he obviously, heunderstands stories that, but He
is quotedhis his youth spent playing
Dungeons and Dragons with hisunderstanding of story, his
(20:51):
understanding of storydevelopment and drama and
tension and all of those thingsand how they make him a better
storyteller. As a storytellingprofessional everything, whether
you're raising money for abusiness, or you're doing you're
in sales, or you are aprofessional storyteller in
film, television, radio,wherever, all of it is
storytelling and uses the samebasic dynamics. And practicing
(21:12):
with Dungeons and Dragons isgoing to make you more
successful, and even justtelling your own story in
therapy, all of that is useful.
Dungeon dragons has gotten a badrap for a couple of reasons. One
is there was a big move in the80s where they thought that
everything was satanic for alittle while, and Dungeons and
Dragons got dragged down bythat. And then there were a
couple of films that involvedlike Dungeons and Dragons coming
(21:34):
to life and pulling kids intothe game. So that combination
kind of gave it a stigmainteresting, but it really is a
fantastic way of learning aboutstorytelling, and a great way
for people to we talked earlierabout parallel play. It's a
great way to get intocoordinated play, because you're
playing against these people,you're playing with them and
trying to solve the questtogether. Wow, therapists using
(21:55):
Dungeons and Dragons for therapysessions. Question for you, are
you one of those people I don'tthink you are. Are you one of
those people who doesn't wantanybody doesn't want anybody to
touch the food on your plate?
Yeah, really I am. I had to getover it. I am one of those
people, but I no longer enforcethat part of myself, right? Is
it part of me? It's like myappendix. It's just sitting
there, kind of dead, but itmight, at the wrong point, get
inflamed, and then it'll explodeand kill me. So what was it?
(22:18):
Wow. So what was a scenariowhere somebody would take the
food off your plate, or I'llgive you the grossest one, I'll
give you the one that, if when Ithink about now still makes me
mad, but I again, I have kidsnow who do the same thing. I
have gotten over it after all ofthese years. I was dating my
wife at the time. I mean, at thetime she was I was dating her.
We got burritos, and she reachedover, put her fingers in and
(22:42):
grabbed a chunk of something outof my burrito to eat the chunk
of the thing, like it was apiece of chicken or something.
And I was like, that's, that's,I can't even finish this
burrito. So disgusting, right?
So you think, of course, ohyeah. I was like,
stop. Did she find that what?
She was like, what? What's thebig deal. I was like, Don't do
that. And then, and so, like,she didn't really stop. I got
(23:04):
over it. And then when we hadkids, I had to really
because, I mean, I got, I have akid, my kids will just come up,
grab out of my arms, sneeze inmy face while I'm in the middle
of eating. I have to just livewith this nice job. Well, there
isn't. The reason I bring it upis this, there's this new thing
called not new thing. It'scalled courtship feeding. It's
(23:25):
about sharing food andcloseness. There's a study in
the Journal of frontiers inpsychology. These guys study
everything. Sharing foodincreases our interpersonal
closeness, they say. And if youphysically share the food by
offering a slice of pizza toyour partner or putting half the
sushi roll on their plate, nottaking it over your it makes the
giver of the food like the likethe recipient more other way
(23:47):
around too. So the whole thinggoes back to human infancy,
apparently. So this will be goodfor you, basically offering a
baby food through breast feedingor bottle feeding. It's one of
the earliest behavioral andbiological interactions between
a parent or child, and we neverforget that, even if we don't
consciously think about it. Sowhen somebody offers you food,
shares their food, or makes youfood, you feel loved and
(24:09):
nurtured in a very basic andprimal sense. Absolutely, that's
sharing food. That's not takingfood off. Yeah. So again, if
we're choosing to share food,and again, at this point, I like
that, like I said, it is avestigial organ within myself
that I have had to push down,like a lot of emotional needs
that will eventually blow up andkill me. But for now, I just
(24:31):
live with it.
Offering like so last night, wehad a school event, and there
was pizza, and I had a bite ofpizza. My 10 year old daughter
was near me, and I gave her abite, and then I took a bite,
and then vice versa, when shehad a slice of pizza. This is
the same with me. That was finethe fingers in my food while I'm
eating it, yeah, still gives me,makes me uncomfortable, and also
still happens to this day, andthat's the part that's gonna
(24:53):
explode on me. Eventually.
You've made progress. I have.
It's what is it called immersiontherapy, but I've lived in a.
Version therapy with three kids.
Okay, two more pieces that youguys will be able to use for
conversation starters. The firstone is that the most in demand
job right now is not a nurse ora teacher. It's wind turbine
service technician. This is fromBusiness Week job job postings
(25:16):
for wind farm technicians havegrown six times six fold in the
last few years, faster than anyother occupation, and jobs are
predicted to grow by 45% everyyear. Coming in second are nurse
practitioner jobs, which is anurse who's qualified to treat
patients without the directsupervision of a doctor. That's
actually great. Yes, they canprescribe medication, but let me
(25:38):
go back to the wind turbines. Awind turbine technician, can
make $80,000 a year without acollege degree. If you have a
fear ofif you're heights, it's not the
job for you. If you have a fearof heights or vertigo, it's not
the job for you. Understatement,training can we're ready.
Training can include rappellingoff a water tower or lugging 50
(25:59):
pounds of gear 300 feet in theair, because the job entails
climbing wind towers to install,inspect or repair equipment.
It's the, again, it's thefastest growing occupation,
sure. I mean, look,there's a certain danger and
adventure element, and it is,you know, the as as wind
infrastructure, it becomes moreprevalent, and some of the older
(26:20):
stuff ages, ages out that has tobe maintained and inspected, and
people have to climb up and dothis stuff. There are tons of
videos of people online where itgoes well, and they show you the
amazing views that they have andhow they are able to maintain
these, these, you know, thewindmills. And then there are
the videos of them going bad,that are equally terrible, that
(26:41):
are as positive as the one is.
They are terrifying when they gobad. But, and there's also,
like, there's these radio towersthat have that have the lights
on the top for airplanes, andthey're so high up that they the
people make, you know, 510, even$15,000, just to change the
(27:02):
light bulb one time, wow, everysix months. Wow. So they just
that one climb. But you see, youwatch, you watch it. It takes,
like, a day, all day, and theweather has to be right. And,
and you see, when they're upthere, like, oh yeah, there's
only a handful of people to bewilling, yeah, and lost goes and
don't, don't use an LED light.
You know,your last like five months. All
(27:22):
right, okay, so last thing, ifyou are not a dog, but let's say
you're allergic, right? You'renot a dog person or a cat
person, you're allergic to both.
Really, I'm mildly allergic todogs I live with. I deal with
that. I'm extremely allergic tocats, like I can't be in the
room. Of course, you have, youhave Leroy that goes over the
house, okay, but you might be agoat person. This is becoming
(27:44):
veryYeah, I've seen people with pet
goats. They're awesome, really.
They're relatively clean. Theythey if you have your if you
have enough land, they actuallyhelp you maintain your yard.
You know, more than this than Ido. A study from Queen Mary
University in London said, if wejust gave goats a chance they
could be man's other bestfriend. The researchers say
goats have the same capacity tobond with humans the way puppies
(28:06):
do by looking into humans eyes.
I don't think I'd like that whenthere's there's there not is non
threatening eye contact, thebonding hormone oxytocin is
released in both the animal andthe human. The behavior is
called directed gazing, anddomesticated horses do it, as
well as Leroy the dog and otherdogs. This study is the first to
observe the same behavior ingoat. They'll they'll gaze into
(28:26):
your eyes. Oh, so Okay, so thisreminds me of a couple of
things. So one is, I've seenpeople with pet goats, and they
seem extremely happy. Just keepin mind that they get to a
certain size, which is probablybig, like Leroy, is way smaller
than a goat. So you have tounderstand that they're not
going to eat. You can't go to,can't go to Petco and get goat
kibble. You gotta have, youknow, you gotta have the regular
(28:50):
grass to give your goat. That'sone two. So you gotta, you gotta
know what you're gettingyourself into. So that's one
two. If, if eye contact with agoat bothers you well, and you
like horror and, or you likehorror movies and, or you
actually want to get a goat, donot watch the horror movie which
W, it's like, V, V, I, T, C, Hfoods, which just don't do that.
(29:12):
What is it? Well, it's a storyof like a family in the woods in
Massachusetts, and they'rehaunted by something. This
movie's like, you know, 1015,years old. Who's gonna give it
away? It's the goat. The goatis, the goat is demon, yeah,
yeah. So don't, if you don'twatch that movie and get a pet
goat or or do watch that movieand just stick with your dog or
(29:35):
cat. Wow, the goat after thatmovie is gonna make you really
uncomfortable. Well, isn't ittrue, though, that if you give
like, you know, it's if you givea family a goat, it can take
care of the whole family withfood. And yeah. So this is not
like in suburban Ohio. You haveto give the goat to like,
somebody who has land, and thatjust like a random suburb, you
(29:55):
have to have land, but yes, withthe milk. Yeah.
And the and eventually, themeat, goat cheese too. Yes, very
healthy. You can't you thereare, like any kind of livestock
animals, you have to look atthem. And, I mean, if you're if
you're doing this, so if youhave a goat based business,
(30:16):
you don't necessarily have tolook them in the eyes and bond
with them. Based businessselling the cheese and the milk,
although don't they also usethem for brush clearance. They
do. Yeah. So again, you mightmake your job easier, but it's
not as important. That's verydifferent from column B, which
is the pets, which is what we'vebeen talking about up until now.
So if you're if you're lookingto earn money with animal
(30:38):
husbandry, with via the goat,look them in the eyes. Don't
look them in the eyes. Just makesure they're producing their
milk and eating the and eatingthe grass. But if you would just
like the family pet to be agoat, they can bond with you. A
lot of options with goats. Wegot, I'm gonna get you in a goat
by the end of the day. I gotoptions Well, and what if you
what if you order that? What ifyou order a mountain goat and
the darn thing keeps climbing uponto your house,
(31:01):
you're seeing those things,yeah? Do they have little
suction cups on their hooks? Isthat? Right? That's how they do
that, yeah? So they, it seems todefy physics, but they actually
have extra force that holdsthem. That's interesting. So why
aren't they more popular aspets?
Okay, somebody is, somebody's inthe market for a Bijon freeze, a
(31:22):
or a Y Moran is not going tocome home with a goat. Okay, so
I'm sorry, I'm asking too manyquestions, but who wins? Because
we have coyotes all over theplace, who wins between a goat
and a coyote? I mean, I'm prettysure, but in Jurassic Park, the
goat was eaten by the T Rex.
That's a T rex is not a coyote.
My guess is, if you got one lonegoat with the coyotes, yeah,
(31:43):
you're you're losing the goatfor trouble, yes, but if you
have a herd, the goats might beable to properly defend
themselves from the coyote.
Okay, we are really off therails. We're not really, because
I'm really interested in this.
How much does it cost to buy agoat? You guys can tune out
anytime you want, because I'mjust getting good information.
Here are you trying to buy agoat like Oxfam, to buy it for
(32:03):
somebody else, you try toactually have built a goat
business. Okay. Oh, okay. Sohere is livestock market.com
Yeah, you can get a purebredNigerian dwarf Goat, goat for
that's gonna be, that's gonnabe, stay small, that one's the
ones thatjust adorable. $600 for a goat,
yeah, or three, 352, yeah.
There's a full size one for six,for $700 Okay, so again, because
(32:26):
it's a livestock animal, it hasa certain amount of marketplace
intrinsic value that a that,say, like a Boston Terrier or
French Bulldog does not have.
I'm gonna have to get bone up onbut you got to get a couple of
goats, because you have thecoyotes in the mountain lions.
Eventually, you're just going tohave this service where you're
feeding mountain lions byaccident. Now I'm thinking of
Christmas presents for thestaff. Everybody gets goat Well,
(32:46):
look, I have to get, I have toget up on the on the
nomenclature here, becausethere's, this is a sweet two by
two Venus Fly Trap, purebredNigerian dwarf. I guess these
are used.
I don't want to know yourdefinition of a used goat is.
There's a winning streak oursugar maple purebred. Someone's
(33:10):
actually going to comment onthis, because I don't know if
some of those might be theirnames. It's hard to tell from
this website, okay, but isn't ita great website? It is a great
website. Maybe we should do alittle bit more of our how to
find the right goats.
Okay, well, we'll dig into this.
We'll dig in. Wow. Thank This isfantastic. Follow up episode
about how, like, you got to go.
You named it. You fell in lovewith it. Yeah, I want, I want to
(33:31):
go with the suction cup feet. Idon't know that you I think
there's a, there's a heart,like, they have the horns and
stuff like, that's like the bighorn sheep. They hit you. Oh,
you know, my, my, my nephew,Jimmy, right? He he has two. He
has two of something that run,run into each other and hit each
other. Romney, their name,Romulus and Remus. There's
(33:53):
goats, rams. What I'm not, I'mnot familiar with, with what
Jimmy's catalog of livestock isoff the top of my head. There's
shorter and they run at eachother. So those could be rams.
He might have a herd of sheepthat he has, and he needs the
males around to maintain hisherd. It might be too male lives
in this city. I don't I don'tknow the details. Why are we?
(34:15):
How did I become the goatexpert? All of a sudden, you are
I just own a couple of peoplewith goats. They seem nice. And
I saw the word Yeah, if you getan All Black Goat, I'm gonna
have a hard time. You do hearthat sound? It's people tuning
out, unsubscribing. Thank youfor joining us for the podcast.
I probably have more fun thanany of people. This is exciting.
(34:37):
I'll be back next time to talkabout which goat I decide on,
okay, you get a goat. What doyou mean if we're gonna post it
on social media? Oh, you're onyour goat. Okay? Forgive for
walk, forgive Gerard of JohnTesh. We'll see you next time
you.
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