February 9, 2024 • 31 mins
Hey friend,
Have you ever been in a situation where your child is struggling to understand a certain subject or topic? It feels like no matter how much you both try, it just isn't clicking, leading to frustration for you and your child!
In this episode, we talk about '9 Tips'—simple yet effective strategies to help navigate these challenging moments. Not only will these support your child through their struggles, but they'll help you keep your cool too. There's hope, and you and your child can overcome this hurdle with the right approach. Tune in to find out how.
And remember, I am here cheering you on every step of the way, with a prayer in my heart and a smile on my lips.
Your Homeschool Coach,
Inga
Join the Conversation: After you listen to this episode, I'd love for you to jump into our Facebook Community. For February, we're chatting about what we love most about homeschooling. Join the conversation.
Personalized Guidance: Feeling overwhelmed with how to start homeschooling or is the struggle stressing out? I can help. Book a Discovery Call to love your homeschooling journey.
Spread the Love: If this episode made you smile and think of a friend who could use a little boost of love, share it with her. Let's help each other find joy and love in our homeschooling journey. It's amazing how a simple act of sharing can spread so much positivity.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Have you ever been in a situation where your child is struggling to understand
a certain subject or a topic or a concept and frustration starts to kick in
both on their end and your end and it feels like no matter how much you both
try, it just isn't clicking.
Seeking it might even seem like giving up is
the next step because you're starting to doubt yourself you're starting
(00:21):
to doubt your decision and your child may even
be doubting their capability to do it
but what if i told you that that's completely normal that that's just a part
of the homeschool process that it's a part of learning well today we're going
to talk about the nine t's and these are tried and true simple yet very effective
(00:42):
strategies that can help navigate these challenging moments.
These tips are here to support your child through their struggles and most importantly,
to help you keep your cool.
So before you even think about throwing in this towel, let's do these strategies
together because there truly is hope and with the right approach,
you and your child can overcome this hurdle.
So I know that you probably are washing dishes or doing some other thing while
(01:06):
you're listening, but I want to invite you to grab Grab your rose and mint herbal
tea, and let's do this together. Let's do it.
Just like the safety instructions on an airplane, we must secure our own oxygen
mask before helping others.
Well, this is your reminder to put your oxygen mask on.
Music.
(01:28):
Hi, I'm Inga, a certified life coach and educator with over 30 years of experience
in curriculum and instruction. So homeschooling mom of four,
I understand the challenges and the overwhelm that can come from trying to juggle it all.
In this podcast, we'll explore practical tips to prioritize our holistic well-being
and simple steps to make homeschooling a little bit easier so you can stress less and enjoy more.
(01:54):
Sometimes we just need a reminder to take a pause, prepare and recover from
the demands of homeschooling and life.
To be still and remember that he is God and that we can do all things and that
includes homeschooling our children through Christ who strengthens us.
And so friend, I pray that you will take this moment to catch your breath.
(02:17):
Welcome to another episode of the Catch Your Breath podcast.
As always, I'm excited that you have joined me today and if this is your first time.
I'm Inga, and this is the place where we can really make sure that you're putting
your oxygen mask on first, that you're taking care of yourself,
that you're giving yourself what you need.
And so we talk about the subjects that.
(02:39):
Cause us the most stress and we need practical strategies and we want to know
how to manage that stress and manage our time, all of those things.
That's what we talk about here.
But before we dive into our topic, we always do a check-in.
So I want to take a moment and check in with you and see how you're doing.
It is time for us to think about our challenges that we've been doing and I
(03:01):
really hope that you've been doing it.
And if you have been doing it, I want to hear about how it has impacted your
stress level, your emotions, your child, your homeschool, the academics, because it really does.
It affects it. It is a beautiful thing. And so let me know. Send me an email.
Come to the homeschool community that we have and let's dive in.
(03:25):
Before we actually get into the topic, I have one more thing that I want to
encourage you with. for those of you that are wondering about coaching.
I still do coaching and I would love to help you to work through some of these
trials and the things that are stressing you out.
The process that we go through is really to work on our mindset and make sure
(03:51):
that your mindset is in the right place.
And then we talk about what are some of the specific things that we can do troubleshooting.
I just wanna let you know that I am here to ensure that this homeschool journey
is one that you can truly enjoy.
And so the coaching is all about that. If you are curious about what homeschool
(04:12):
coaching can look like, you can set up a discovery call and we just talk about
what are those things that you're struggling with?
What are those specific strategies that we need? And whether it's one major
big thing or as we start to peel the layers and we figure out there's some other things,
We work together for three months or six months and really go laser focused on those things.
(04:36):
And what I think is the best part of that time together is seeing the smiles, seeing you.
Start to realize that you truly are equipped to do this thing and that those
challenges and those things that have been stealing the joy,
I think a lot of times the devil makes us stay in that place so we don't know
(04:59):
that we can get to the other side.
And so when I see those smiles, when I get that feedback that it's transformative
and that you're enjoying homeschooling and that you're confident that you can
do it, it blesses my heart.
And you can have a discovery call and let's talk talk about it.
Let's see if this is a good match and if homeschool coaching can help you.
We usually get through the end of the, even just the first discovery call,
(05:22):
but most definitely through the first coaching call.
And people are just surprised by how much it helps.
And that's just because this is one of those things where we're just like,
I can do this all by myself and I shouldn't have to have help.
But the reality is we want the help because we're spending hours on in Facebook
groups, asking people for advice on what we should do and how we should do it.
(05:45):
And we're spending even more hours on Google searching for the best this and the best that.
And those are all great resources because you know, I truly believe in Professor
Google as the assistant teacher, but sometimes you need some really personalized assistance and help.
You need somebody to be able to work with you, to walk through,
to hear you, and then to tell you back what you're saying so you could could hear yourself.
(06:08):
And truthfully, you know, some of those things we've had in our head for so
long, we've never told anybody.
And then we start to say it and we hear ourselves and we say,
wait a minute, is that right? You need somebody to question on that.
So I would love to do that with you. Listen, I'm not shy. I don't shy away from tears.
I have several people crying and it's okay. Tears are good.
I'll cry with you. I'll celebrate with you. I'll cry with you.
(06:30):
The Bible said that's what we do.
So we can do it. So if you're interested, definitely reach out for a a discovery
call, it's usually always at the link.
And so you can definitely do that. And.
No topics are off when it comes to homeschooling because we wanna make sure
that you are getting the support that you need.
So I wanted to say that because I know that when I see those emails and questions,
(06:52):
more of us are probably thinking that.
So I can't wait to see you in my Zoom calendar.
Let's do this. Let's make this the best ever, right?
All right, this topic is one that I get so often.
And I realized as I was looking at topics and writing about it that I had not
(07:14):
realized how often it was coming up, just in different ways,
just in different language.
But I also realized that I have it too.
I have learners that struggle. We all do. It's just a part of the journey.
It is very normal. And that's really the first thing that I want to say,
that if you have a child that is struggling, the struggle is a normal part of the process.
(07:38):
That's just how most things we get to the other side is we sometimes have to
struggle through some of those things.
And so I want to encourage you because
the reality is when your child can't get a concept that you have been teaching
over and over again or starts to shut down because they are just frustrated
(08:01):
that they're not learning the thing or starts to cry or however they show that level of frustration.
Frustration, for us a lot of times, it's very triggering.
So it can make us irritated. It can make us frustrated. It can cause despair.
It can cause exhaustion. It can cause insecurities. It can cause self-doubt.
(08:22):
There are just a plethora of emotions that can happen when your child is struggling.
And it really just depends on where you are, which is why I say that one of
the most important things in preparation for the struggle is making sure that
you're taking care of yourself.
Because your reaction really is going to depend on where you are in that place.
(08:44):
And it doesn't mean that if you've done all the things, taking care of yourself
and all that, you might not that you might not be still frustrated or irritated or angry.
But most definitely, if you haven't been taking care of yourself,
then it is going to affect you even more.
So you have to come ready, knowing that this could happen, making sure that
you've eaten, making sure that you've slept, making sure that you've prioritized
(09:05):
some self-time in the word of God and prayer.
Prayer, just whatever those things are that you need to do, that you spent that
time doing that because when their emotions are out of whack,
they need you to be the emotional stability.
And if you are not able to do that, then both of you are in that place.
No guilt, no condemnation if you're not, but there are things that we can do
(09:27):
to ensure that we are able to deal with it.
Understand that if you have any of these emotions when they're struggling,
depending on the level of struggle. That's normal as well.
And so we wanna talk about how to deal with it because the reality is we are
the teaching parent, but we're also mom.
So we've got both of those that we're trying to deal with.
(09:50):
And as I said, sometimes it kind of pricks us in certain areas and then we go
back to whatever the thing we were feeling. And so now we've got to bring ourself back.
So I pray that as we're talking about it, that you will hear me say that your
child is not the only one struggling and there's nothing wrong with you.
(10:12):
There's nothing wrong with your child. A lot of times it might not be that there's
something wrong with the curriculum.
It might not be that there's something wrong with your teaching.
It might not be that there's something wrong with your homes.
It's just a part of the learning process that there is a struggle sometimes.
Remember that every child reacts differently to the struggle.
So within your family, you may not even realize that it's the struggle of the
(10:35):
concept or the skill because one child, you're like, absolutely,
I know that they just cry.
And so you're expecting crying from all of the children. And another child,
they might rage. They might throw things.
And you want to definitely correct that and pull that in.
We don't want to allow that as behavior, but we want to recognize where it's
(10:55):
coming from, what that is.
Some Some children get really hyper and just want to move and play.
Some children shut down. They won't do any more talking. They're just quiet.
Some pout and have, you know, something like a tantrum. Some act out.
It just really depends. And so the first thing is, is to recognize what your
(11:17):
child's sign is, to know when they're struggling, to know that,
okay, when they do that, that means they're struggling.
And understanding that then can help you to be able to know the next thing to do.
And here's one that I think is a little controversial and it's probably very
contrary to popular belief.
(11:37):
But when you have a child that is struggling, I believe the first thing that
you need to do is take care of yourself to make sure you are,
for lack of a better way of saying it, checking yourself and where you're coming
and where you are in the process so that you can then help your child.
Because if you are not okay, if you have not taken care of yourself,
(11:59):
if you're emotional, if you're angry, if you're irritated, frustrated.
You know, whatever those things it and then you try to deal with the child in
the midst of that emotion, a lot of times it can end up really being in a place
and there's always I say that and knowing that we all do it.
We all have reacted in a way that we wish we wouldn't have. So there's grace for that.
(12:25):
But we also know that we can do something about it before.
We can be preemptive in saying, okay, I know that this is what happens.
When I see them exhibiting this behavior that lets me know, okay, they're struggling.
Now it's my prompt to take care of myself, to check myself, to make sure I'm okay.
And then there are some options that we can do.
(12:45):
So what can we do? How can we respond to this? I call these the T responses.
And of course, you know that they have to be in alliteration because as I was
writing them down, thinking about some of the things that I've taught and some
of the things that I've done.
Tea just lend itself, it lent itself very nicely to tea. So what are some things
(13:07):
that we want to do? And this one, you might want to have a pen.
I also remember to send it in the newsletter, in the email for this.
So here are some things that you want to do. And these, you do not have to do all of them.
You're going to know your child. You're going to know your frame of mind. Where are you?
What are the things that you can do in that moment after you've taken care of
(13:29):
of yourself. So first things is talk.
You can communicate with your child to make sure that they understand what is happening.
And so we talk about really helping them to understand their emotions,
saying things like, I know that you are frustrated right now.
I know that this feels hard.
(13:50):
I understand how it feels for it to be hard because I've experienced hard before,
for, depending on the age of saying that and say, and so it's okay for it to be hard.
Just talking to them about what they're feeling, what you see happening, or even naming.
I see that you're crying right now. Can you tell me why you're crying?
(14:11):
Which then leads us to tune in.
So once you talk to them, the next thing you want to do is tune in.
And if they're talking, if they're verbal with their frustration,
you may not even have to do any talking. You can go.
Actively listen. We want to pay attention to what they're saying,
(14:33):
to what they're frustrated about, to what is causing them to struggle,
and to make sure that they understand that we're listening.
We're not really judging what they're saying. We're just listening.
We're listening and we're observing.
So even as you're talking, and when we talk about talking, going back to talking,
(14:53):
If we can change our voice, if we can get calmer, if we can lower our voice
so that we're bringing them down to that.
If that is something that we can do in that moment, that's what we want to do.
And I know when you have younger kids, if they're having tantrums,
if they are kind of really just out of control,
(15:15):
that a lot of times we want to raise our voice to get them to kind of jolt them
back into doing what we need to do.
But sometimes just by lowering that voice and talking slower and saying,
okay, so right now I need you to be calm so that I can understand you.
So I'm going to give you an opportunity to become, I'm going to give myself
(15:38):
an opportunity to become.
And we're talking about that talking, but really one of the things that I also do is just not talk.
So you can talk or not talk, just be quiet, just to sit, just to tune in and observe.
As I said, you can do, you don't have to do all of them. You likely won't do
all of them because there are nine of them, but you get to pick and choose.
(15:59):
So you might just start with tuning in to just observe what's happening.
Just give them a second. And sometimes that is actually really all they need
is for you to just stop for them to see that there is you're not you're not losing it.
There's not anything that's happening except that you're just you're just waiting.
You're just calmly giving them an opportunity to really have the feel the feelings
(16:21):
because I try to tell my children it's OK to feel the emotions.
Babble said we can be angry and sin not. So you can definitely have the feelings
and emotions. And I want to give them space and time to do that.
The next thing we want to do, and I keep saying next thing, these are linear. They are nonlinear.
So we do not have to do them in order. We get to choose when we do them, how we do them.
(16:44):
But the next one I'm talking about, number three, is tenderness,
giving them some tenderness.
And that's just the emotional support and the affection that they need when
we're having this conversation, when we're having the observation.
Observation, when I think of this tenderness piece, this for me is to ensure
that I'm choosing relationship over rigor, that I recognize that I, as the teaching parent,
(17:08):
I'm still mom, that I can really make sure that I'm focusing on whatever we
need academically, but that I'm not putting aside this nurturing sense that
I have for them. So I want to give them that tenderness.
And then then sometimes depending on the child, depending on the situation,
depending on you, touch.
You may just have to give them a hug. Just put your hands on their legs.
(17:31):
Sometimes I'll just put my hand on my child's leg and depending on where they
are, they may not want it, but you know, they wouldn't knock it off,
but they just kind of sit there or anything.
I may have to hug them depending on the age of my child.
I still, I love that with my youngest, I can still take him on my lap and I
can kind of hold him if he's having a meltdown and just do what I just talked
(17:54):
about, where I'm talking to him, where I'm tuning in and listening,
but I'm doing it with tenderness while he's in my lap. So he can just feel the warmth of my body.
Sometimes I'll touch their face and say, it's okay.
It's okay to be frustrated in this moment. It's totally all right.
And so that touch sometimes can really start to bring them down.
This fifth one is probably one of the hardest ones because it's not something
(18:18):
that might feel intuitive to us, but it's tolerating.
And tolerating can have a negative connotation, but in this way,
I'm just thinking of accepting their emotions for what they are,
helping them to name their emotions.
A lot of times when, depending on the age of children, they don't know the breadth
(18:40):
of emotions. They don't know the depth of emotions.
They don't understand all of the different emotions. And I was just talking
to our teens a few weeks ago about Pluchek's Wheel of Emotions and just talking
about look at all of the ways that we move away from happy and anger and joy and frustration.
(19:02):
And just there are so many pieces and being able to understand the nuances in
those and them not really might not your child might not be able to understand
what that is that they're feeling.
And so putting words to that and saying you're frustrated, are you frustrated?
(19:23):
Or do you feel irritated that we keep having to go over it again?
Or just putting words, naming those emotions so that they now have the language
to be able to explain what they feel.
I know sometimes they'll say things like, I'm just so dumb.
And then we can talk about that and say, well, stop for a second.
What is one of the things I think my children hate when would hate when they
(19:44):
would say that out and say, let's look at what the definition of that word is
and see if that's what that means, because I don't think that is what it means.
And then reframe that, which is what we're going to talk about.
Transforming, which is the sixth one, transforming their negative thoughts or
their negative words into positive words and talk about, so no, you are not dumb.
(20:04):
You are not stupid. You are frustrated because this concept is a little more difficult.
It's a little more challenging. challenging or even if they
say like this is too hard to get this is very challenging and
so it's going to require that we stretch ourself that
we pull ourself that we really tap into something else it
might require us to repeat it over and over again we
might have to do it again we might have to look at the video again but we now
(20:27):
transform what they're saying to understand that this is a process one of the
best things that I love when they are in that struggle place when we're able
to have a conversation to say this is what is going to help learning to stick
because Because that struggle that you're having, that back and forth between,
that's right in between the place of
not knowing to really knowing and understanding and being able to apply,
(20:51):
that's the process that you go through to get over there.
But the thing is, when you get over there, when you know it,
when you're able to apply it, when it is, when you've mastered it,
or when you get to that other place, then you've mastered it.
Then you're able to say like, I know this, that I know this.
And then a lot of times I say, and then you'll be able to teach it to me or
(21:11):
you'll be able to teach it to somebody else.
So really helping them to shift this idea of what it is that they believe about
it and understand that there's nothing wrong with the struggle,
that it feels hard and we want to honor that, which is why we...
Want to talk about their emotions. We want to tolerate them if they're appropriate.
(21:31):
We don't obviously want them throwing anything, hitting us or yelling or something
like that, but recognizing that we can put words to this and we can understand
that this can be a part of learning,
especially when it's something hard and definitely teaching them how to then
celebrate on the other side of that because they've gone through that journey
of learning. And then we want to go back to teach.
(21:53):
So after we've really looked at that emotional and supportive piece, and we have now,
helped them to work through the thoughts they're thinking about,
all of that, now we can go back to teaching, to focusing,
to guiding them, to educating them on the thing that we were talking about,
and also using that as a part of the teaching, like I was just talking about,
(22:17):
helping them to understand.
One of the helpful things if you have older children is really showing them
that wheel of how we gain knowledge and say, okay, this is where you are.
This is not the wheel, but the graph that shows like how we go from not knowing
to knowing and helping them to say like, okay, this is where you are right now.
And this is the hardest part.
Like it takes a long time helping them to see it as a roller coaster maybe and saying like, listen,
(22:42):
you got to get all the the way up there and when you
get it takes longer and it's harder and you
feel kind of like that struggle but then you get here and
then you go down and it's it's easy from there but that
process is hard which is why I say that it's key that as you are learning with
them if you are learning something new or if you knew it before and I know this
(23:04):
seems like it's I don't remember it that you are verbally narrating the learning
process that you are going through so that they understand and And that even if you're frustrated,
even if you're struggling, that you name that, that you say,
oh, my, I'm really struggling.
This is frustrating because I don't remember this or I didn't remember this.
So they can see like, oh, OK, so you can be frustrated, but they also understand,
(23:27):
OK, this is how we do this.
And then timeout is number eight, but that can happen at any time that you need
to. Take a break. Take care of yourself.
Give them a break so that they can manage their emotions and so that you can
manage your emotions and that you're able to regain some sort of perspective around this.
And it can look many different ways. So if the weather is okay,
(23:51):
sometimes I'll tell my child to go out and get fresh air.
I'll tell them to go out and count down from 10 to 1.
I might tell them to walk around the house a couple of times just to let that
energy and let their brain work a little more.
I might come into my favorite place,
my closet, and get me a piece of chocolate. Or I may go sit outside.
Or Because I don't want them to feel like I'm, you know, that I don't want to be with them.
(24:14):
But sometimes I'd let them know, like, we might just need a break.
And then we or we might take the break together. Like, you know,
let's go walk around the house together.
Let's just go outside. And then we talk about something else or we take a separate break.
Whatever we need, we give ourself that timeout. I think timeout has a negative
connotation because it was used as punishment, which is, you know,
(24:35):
it's okay. That's what it was used as.
But I just think I do like the timeout sign.
I'm having a blank at what sport that is. But you know, with your hands,
you do that timeout T and I'll say, okay, timeout, we need a timeout.
Go do this. And so I don't really, I don't think my children see it as a negative
because sometimes I'll even say, do you think you need a timeout?
(24:57):
Like maybe two minutes? All right, let's do two minutes.
Or do you think you need four minutes or whatever it is? And let's come back to it.
And then we come back to it. and then the
ninth one which is not like I said something
that has to be done last because it's kind of this whole process
that you're doing is that what we're trying to do as our child is struggling
(25:18):
is continue to build trust with them and the reason why that is so key as the
teaching parent is because they already trust us they love us they know that there is nothing that's.
We would withhold from them. They know that we're going to nurture them.
We're going to care for them. But in that place, when they're struggling with
(25:39):
learning, sometimes it can feel, especially because they have all those negative
thoughts in their head, they need the reminder.
They need to know that you are okay with them struggling.
That needs to be something that they are not trying to prevent you from seeing.
And I have children sometimes where they're just like, no, I'm good.
I don't, and I see them crying and I see them, but they just do not want to
(26:02):
have me as a part of the process with them because of embarrassment or whatever it is.
And so I have to help them to build that trust with me.
I've got to continue to do these things to help them to see like,
this is normal and I want to be here.
And this is a supportive and understanding relationship.
And listen, nobody wants this for you more than I do.
(26:23):
I'm your mother. I tell my kids all the it's on me you came out my tummy so
we are connected I feel what you feel and I want to
help you and there's no amount of
struggle or stress that's gonna make me
stop loving you working with you trying this and when I mess up when I'm frustrated
because I've said it for the 700th and 82nd time you know how that is where
(26:46):
you're just like what are they not getting I have to take a break go get myself
together and say please forgive me I was getting frustrated frustrated, but I'm ready.
And I'm sorry if that made you feel like I don't want to help you or that I'm
upset with you because you need me to explain it again.
But I've thought about it and now we can address it this way.
And then I want to give you two little practical strategies that can help.
(27:11):
I joke about Professor Google and Alexa. Those are supportive resources as well.
So if you need to, if you're trying to teach something and they're really struggling
and you're like, I'm just not, it's not clicking.
See if there's a video or something that you can watch with them that might impact.
And if you find that that thing is not working,
(27:35):
you're just saying they're not getting it, then it may be necessary to look
into some other options and say, okay, is it that the curriculum is not teaching it well?
Are there some other things that are going on?
It's okay to explore, to look, to find, to try to get an answer with that.
(27:56):
But the first place we wanna start with is making sure that we're paying attention to their needs.
I pray that when your child is struggling, notice I said when.
Because they will struggle at some point because it's a part of the process,
that you will remember to talk to them.
You will remember to tune in. You will remember tenderness. You will remember touch.
(28:21):
You will remember to tolerate the emotions and acceptance of it. it.
You will remember to think about how you can choose transformative talk.
You will teach them about what is going on. You will take a timeout and give
them a timeout and that you will continue to build trust.
If you do that, and these are not, these are the things you do overall.
(28:42):
If you're thinking, okay, they're struggling in reading, what's the specific
thing I need to do in reading, then that's different.
And I can't give you a blanket statement for that, which is why you'd have to
set up a call with me because we need to talk about what part of reading are
they struggling And then be able to give strategies specifically for that.
And so if you're like, well, they're struggling with writing,
then we need to do the specific thing that they're struggling with and talk about that.
(29:05):
But I just mean in the concept of at the point that they're struggling,
what are the things that we need to do so that we are okay to be able to help them in the next place?
And if you're recognizing that, let's say they're struggling with math concept,
like over and over again, like multiplication or something, then yes,
it's okay to say, okay, you know what?
(29:26):
We need additional help. We need to outsource that in some way. That's okay.
It's okay to say, I need some additional help in being able to support them.
But just in the place where they're struggling, I hope that you will remember
that you are not powerless.
There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with them.
There are things that you can do, and then you'll tune in and do those things.
(29:50):
I pray this was helpful. You know, I would love to hear if it was.
So send me an email, ask your questions in the group, and I'll see you next time.
Thank you for tuning in i hope that this episode empowered
equipped and most of all encouraged you don't
forget to share your thoughts on today's topics because i'd love to
hear how you're implementing these strategies and you
(30:12):
can do that in the free community where you can connect with me
and other like-minded moms you'll get some practical
tips for homeschooling and teaching your child managing your
stress and prioritizing your self-care you can also ask questions there you
can participate in the fun challenges and of course you can celebrate your wins
because we like to party over there also if this was helpful and you know that
(30:34):
it can be helpful to someone else leave a review or share this with another
homeschooling mom who needs to catch her,
that's my cue but before i go i want to leave you with these words from philippians
4 6 through 7 i pray that you won't be anxious about anything but that in every
situation by prayer and petition with Thanksgiving,
(30:55):
you would present your request to God and that you will experience the kind
of peace that surpasses understanding as you navigate the stresses of life and homeschooling.
Until next time, remember to take a moment to catch your breath.
Music.
Have you ever been in a situation where your child is struggling to understand
a certain subject or a topic or a concept and frustration starts to kick in
both on their end and your end and it feels like no matter how much you both
try, it just isn't clicking.
Seeking it might even seem like giving up is
the next step because you're starting to doubt yourself you're starting
(00:21):
to doubt your decision and your child may even
be doubting their capability to do it
but what if i told you that that's completely normal that that's just a part
of the homeschool process that it's a part of learning well today we're going
to talk about the nine t's and these are tried and true simple yet very effective
(00:42):
strategies that can help navigate these challenging moments.
These tips are here to support your child through their struggles and most importantly,
to help you keep your cool.
So before you even think about throwing in this towel, let's do these strategies
together because there truly is hope and with the right approach,
you and your child can overcome this hurdle.
So I know that you probably are washing dishes or doing some other thing while
(01:06):
you're listening, but I want to invite you to grab Grab your rose and mint herbal
tea, and let's do this together. Let's do it.
Just like the safety instructions on an airplane, we must secure our own oxygen
mask before helping others.
Well, this is your reminder to put your oxygen mask on.
Music.
(01:28):
Hi, I'm Inga, a certified life coach and educator with over 30 years of experience
in curriculum and instruction. So homeschooling mom of four,
I understand the challenges and the overwhelm that can come from trying to juggle it all.
In this podcast, we'll explore practical tips to prioritize our holistic well-being
and simple steps to make homeschooling a little bit easier so you can stress less and enjoy more.
(01:54):
Sometimes we just need a reminder to take a pause, prepare and recover from
the demands of homeschooling and life.
To be still and remember that he is God and that we can do all things and that
includes homeschooling our children through Christ who strengthens us.
And so friend, I pray that you will take this moment to catch your breath.
(02:17):
Welcome to another episode of the Catch Your Breath podcast.
As always, I'm excited that you have joined me today and if this is your first time.
I'm Inga, and this is the place where we can really make sure that you're putting
your oxygen mask on first, that you're taking care of yourself,
that you're giving yourself what you need.
And so we talk about the subjects that.
(02:39):
Cause us the most stress and we need practical strategies and we want to know
how to manage that stress and manage our time, all of those things.
That's what we talk about here.
But before we dive into our topic, we always do a check-in.
So I want to take a moment and check in with you and see how you're doing.
It is time for us to think about our challenges that we've been doing and I
(03:01):
really hope that you've been doing it.
And if you have been doing it, I want to hear about how it has impacted your
stress level, your emotions, your child, your homeschool, the academics, because it really does.
It affects it. It is a beautiful thing. And so let me know. Send me an email.
Come to the homeschool community that we have and let's dive in.
(03:25):
Before we actually get into the topic, I have one more thing that I want to
encourage you with. for those of you that are wondering about coaching.
I still do coaching and I would love to help you to work through some of these
trials and the things that are stressing you out.
The process that we go through is really to work on our mindset and make sure
(03:51):
that your mindset is in the right place.
And then we talk about what are some of the specific things that we can do troubleshooting.
I just wanna let you know that I am here to ensure that this homeschool journey
is one that you can truly enjoy.
And so the coaching is all about that. If you are curious about what homeschool
(04:12):
coaching can look like, you can set up a discovery call and we just talk about
what are those things that you're struggling with?
What are those specific strategies that we need? And whether it's one major
big thing or as we start to peel the layers and we figure out there's some other things,
We work together for three months or six months and really go laser focused on those things.
(04:36):
And what I think is the best part of that time together is seeing the smiles, seeing you.
Start to realize that you truly are equipped to do this thing and that those
challenges and those things that have been stealing the joy,
I think a lot of times the devil makes us stay in that place so we don't know
(04:59):
that we can get to the other side.
And so when I see those smiles, when I get that feedback that it's transformative
and that you're enjoying homeschooling and that you're confident that you can
do it, it blesses my heart.
And you can have a discovery call and let's talk talk about it.
Let's see if this is a good match and if homeschool coaching can help you.
We usually get through the end of the, even just the first discovery call,
(05:22):
but most definitely through the first coaching call.
And people are just surprised by how much it helps.
And that's just because this is one of those things where we're just like,
I can do this all by myself and I shouldn't have to have help.
But the reality is we want the help because we're spending hours on in Facebook
groups, asking people for advice on what we should do and how we should do it.
(05:45):
And we're spending even more hours on Google searching for the best this and the best that.
And those are all great resources because you know, I truly believe in Professor
Google as the assistant teacher, but sometimes you need some really personalized assistance and help.
You need somebody to be able to work with you, to walk through,
to hear you, and then to tell you back what you're saying so you could could hear yourself.
(06:08):
And truthfully, you know, some of those things we've had in our head for so
long, we've never told anybody.
And then we start to say it and we hear ourselves and we say,
wait a minute, is that right? You need somebody to question on that.
So I would love to do that with you. Listen, I'm not shy. I don't shy away from tears.
I have several people crying and it's okay. Tears are good.
I'll cry with you. I'll celebrate with you. I'll cry with you.
(06:30):
The Bible said that's what we do.
So we can do it. So if you're interested, definitely reach out for a a discovery
call, it's usually always at the link.
And so you can definitely do that. And.
No topics are off when it comes to homeschooling because we wanna make sure
that you are getting the support that you need.
So I wanted to say that because I know that when I see those emails and questions,
(06:52):
more of us are probably thinking that.
So I can't wait to see you in my Zoom calendar.
Let's do this. Let's make this the best ever, right?
All right, this topic is one that I get so often.
And I realized as I was looking at topics and writing about it that I had not
(07:14):
realized how often it was coming up, just in different ways,
just in different language.
But I also realized that I have it too.
I have learners that struggle. We all do. It's just a part of the journey.
It is very normal. And that's really the first thing that I want to say,
that if you have a child that is struggling, the struggle is a normal part of the process.
(07:38):
That's just how most things we get to the other side is we sometimes have to
struggle through some of those things.
And so I want to encourage you because
the reality is when your child can't get a concept that you have been teaching
over and over again or starts to shut down because they are just frustrated
(08:01):
that they're not learning the thing or starts to cry or however they show that level of frustration.
Frustration, for us a lot of times, it's very triggering.
So it can make us irritated. It can make us frustrated. It can cause despair.
It can cause exhaustion. It can cause insecurities. It can cause self-doubt.
(08:22):
There are just a plethora of emotions that can happen when your child is struggling.
And it really just depends on where you are, which is why I say that one of
the most important things in preparation for the struggle is making sure that
you're taking care of yourself.
Because your reaction really is going to depend on where you are in that place.
(08:44):
And it doesn't mean that if you've done all the things, taking care of yourself
and all that, you might not that you might not be still frustrated or irritated or angry.
But most definitely, if you haven't been taking care of yourself,
then it is going to affect you even more.
So you have to come ready, knowing that this could happen, making sure that
you've eaten, making sure that you've slept, making sure that you've prioritized
(09:05):
some self-time in the word of God and prayer.
Prayer, just whatever those things are that you need to do, that you spent that
time doing that because when their emotions are out of whack,
they need you to be the emotional stability.
And if you are not able to do that, then both of you are in that place.
No guilt, no condemnation if you're not, but there are things that we can do
(09:27):
to ensure that we are able to deal with it.
Understand that if you have any of these emotions when they're struggling,
depending on the level of struggle. That's normal as well.
And so we wanna talk about how to deal with it because the reality is we are
the teaching parent, but we're also mom.
So we've got both of those that we're trying to deal with.
(09:50):
And as I said, sometimes it kind of pricks us in certain areas and then we go
back to whatever the thing we were feeling. And so now we've got to bring ourself back.
So I pray that as we're talking about it, that you will hear me say that your
child is not the only one struggling and there's nothing wrong with you.
(10:12):
There's nothing wrong with your child. A lot of times it might not be that there's
something wrong with the curriculum.
It might not be that there's something wrong with your teaching.
It might not be that there's something wrong with your homes.
It's just a part of the learning process that there is a struggle sometimes.
Remember that every child reacts differently to the struggle.
So within your family, you may not even realize that it's the struggle of the
(10:35):
concept or the skill because one child, you're like, absolutely,
I know that they just cry.
And so you're expecting crying from all of the children. And another child,
they might rage. They might throw things.
And you want to definitely correct that and pull that in.
We don't want to allow that as behavior, but we want to recognize where it's
(10:55):
coming from, what that is.
Some Some children get really hyper and just want to move and play.
Some children shut down. They won't do any more talking. They're just quiet.
Some pout and have, you know, something like a tantrum. Some act out.
It just really depends. And so the first thing is, is to recognize what your
(11:17):
child's sign is, to know when they're struggling, to know that,
okay, when they do that, that means they're struggling.
And understanding that then can help you to be able to know the next thing to do.
And here's one that I think is a little controversial and it's probably very
contrary to popular belief.
(11:37):
But when you have a child that is struggling, I believe the first thing that
you need to do is take care of yourself to make sure you are,
for lack of a better way of saying it, checking yourself and where you're coming
and where you are in the process so that you can then help your child.
Because if you are not okay, if you have not taken care of yourself,
(11:59):
if you're emotional, if you're angry, if you're irritated, frustrated.
You know, whatever those things it and then you try to deal with the child in
the midst of that emotion, a lot of times it can end up really being in a place
and there's always I say that and knowing that we all do it.
We all have reacted in a way that we wish we wouldn't have. So there's grace for that.
(12:25):
But we also know that we can do something about it before.
We can be preemptive in saying, okay, I know that this is what happens.
When I see them exhibiting this behavior that lets me know, okay, they're struggling.
Now it's my prompt to take care of myself, to check myself, to make sure I'm okay.
And then there are some options that we can do.
(12:45):
So what can we do? How can we respond to this? I call these the T responses.
And of course, you know that they have to be in alliteration because as I was
writing them down, thinking about some of the things that I've taught and some
of the things that I've done.
Tea just lend itself, it lent itself very nicely to tea. So what are some things
(13:07):
that we want to do? And this one, you might want to have a pen.
I also remember to send it in the newsletter, in the email for this.
So here are some things that you want to do. And these, you do not have to do all of them.
You're going to know your child. You're going to know your frame of mind. Where are you?
What are the things that you can do in that moment after you've taken care of
(13:29):
of yourself. So first things is talk.
You can communicate with your child to make sure that they understand what is happening.
And so we talk about really helping them to understand their emotions,
saying things like, I know that you are frustrated right now.
I know that this feels hard.
(13:50):
I understand how it feels for it to be hard because I've experienced hard before,
for, depending on the age of saying that and say, and so it's okay for it to be hard.
Just talking to them about what they're feeling, what you see happening, or even naming.
I see that you're crying right now. Can you tell me why you're crying?
(14:11):
Which then leads us to tune in.
So once you talk to them, the next thing you want to do is tune in.
And if they're talking, if they're verbal with their frustration,
you may not even have to do any talking. You can go.
Actively listen. We want to pay attention to what they're saying,
(14:33):
to what they're frustrated about, to what is causing them to struggle,
and to make sure that they understand that we're listening.
We're not really judging what they're saying. We're just listening.
We're listening and we're observing.
So even as you're talking, and when we talk about talking, going back to talking,
(14:53):
If we can change our voice, if we can get calmer, if we can lower our voice
so that we're bringing them down to that.
If that is something that we can do in that moment, that's what we want to do.
And I know when you have younger kids, if they're having tantrums,
if they are kind of really just out of control,
(15:15):
that a lot of times we want to raise our voice to get them to kind of jolt them
back into doing what we need to do.
But sometimes just by lowering that voice and talking slower and saying,
okay, so right now I need you to be calm so that I can understand you.
So I'm going to give you an opportunity to become, I'm going to give myself
(15:38):
an opportunity to become.
And we're talking about that talking, but really one of the things that I also do is just not talk.
So you can talk or not talk, just be quiet, just to sit, just to tune in and observe.
As I said, you can do, you don't have to do all of them. You likely won't do
all of them because there are nine of them, but you get to pick and choose.
(15:59):
So you might just start with tuning in to just observe what's happening.
Just give them a second. And sometimes that is actually really all they need
is for you to just stop for them to see that there is you're not you're not losing it.
There's not anything that's happening except that you're just you're just waiting.
You're just calmly giving them an opportunity to really have the feel the feelings
(16:21):
because I try to tell my children it's OK to feel the emotions.
Babble said we can be angry and sin not. So you can definitely have the feelings
and emotions. And I want to give them space and time to do that.
The next thing we want to do, and I keep saying next thing, these are linear. They are nonlinear.
So we do not have to do them in order. We get to choose when we do them, how we do them.
(16:44):
But the next one I'm talking about, number three, is tenderness,
giving them some tenderness.
And that's just the emotional support and the affection that they need when
we're having this conversation, when we're having the observation.
Observation, when I think of this tenderness piece, this for me is to ensure
that I'm choosing relationship over rigor, that I recognize that I, as the teaching parent,
(17:08):
I'm still mom, that I can really make sure that I'm focusing on whatever we
need academically, but that I'm not putting aside this nurturing sense that
I have for them. So I want to give them that tenderness.
And then then sometimes depending on the child, depending on the situation,
depending on you, touch.
You may just have to give them a hug. Just put your hands on their legs.
(17:31):
Sometimes I'll just put my hand on my child's leg and depending on where they
are, they may not want it, but you know, they wouldn't knock it off,
but they just kind of sit there or anything.
I may have to hug them depending on the age of my child.
I still, I love that with my youngest, I can still take him on my lap and I
can kind of hold him if he's having a meltdown and just do what I just talked
(17:54):
about, where I'm talking to him, where I'm tuning in and listening,
but I'm doing it with tenderness while he's in my lap. So he can just feel the warmth of my body.
Sometimes I'll touch their face and say, it's okay.
It's okay to be frustrated in this moment. It's totally all right.
And so that touch sometimes can really start to bring them down.
This fifth one is probably one of the hardest ones because it's not something
(18:18):
that might feel intuitive to us, but it's tolerating.
And tolerating can have a negative connotation, but in this way,
I'm just thinking of accepting their emotions for what they are,
helping them to name their emotions.
A lot of times when, depending on the age of children, they don't know the breadth
(18:40):
of emotions. They don't know the depth of emotions.
They don't understand all of the different emotions. And I was just talking
to our teens a few weeks ago about Pluchek's Wheel of Emotions and just talking
about look at all of the ways that we move away from happy and anger and joy and frustration.
(19:02):
And just there are so many pieces and being able to understand the nuances in
those and them not really might not your child might not be able to understand
what that is that they're feeling.
And so putting words to that and saying you're frustrated, are you frustrated?
(19:23):
Or do you feel irritated that we keep having to go over it again?
Or just putting words, naming those emotions so that they now have the language
to be able to explain what they feel.
I know sometimes they'll say things like, I'm just so dumb.
And then we can talk about that and say, well, stop for a second.
What is one of the things I think my children hate when would hate when they
(19:44):
would say that out and say, let's look at what the definition of that word is
and see if that's what that means, because I don't think that is what it means.
And then reframe that, which is what we're going to talk about.
Transforming, which is the sixth one, transforming their negative thoughts or
their negative words into positive words and talk about, so no, you are not dumb.
(20:04):
You are not stupid. You are frustrated because this concept is a little more difficult.
It's a little more challenging. challenging or even if they
say like this is too hard to get this is very challenging and
so it's going to require that we stretch ourself that
we pull ourself that we really tap into something else it
might require us to repeat it over and over again we
might have to do it again we might have to look at the video again but we now
(20:27):
transform what they're saying to understand that this is a process one of the
best things that I love when they are in that struggle place when we're able
to have a conversation to say this is what is going to help learning to stick
because Because that struggle that you're having, that back and forth between,
that's right in between the place of
not knowing to really knowing and understanding and being able to apply,
(20:51):
that's the process that you go through to get over there.
But the thing is, when you get over there, when you know it,
when you're able to apply it, when it is, when you've mastered it,
or when you get to that other place, then you've mastered it.
Then you're able to say like, I know this, that I know this.
And then a lot of times I say, and then you'll be able to teach it to me or
(21:11):
you'll be able to teach it to somebody else.
So really helping them to shift this idea of what it is that they believe about
it and understand that there's nothing wrong with the struggle,
that it feels hard and we want to honor that, which is why we...
Want to talk about their emotions. We want to tolerate them if they're appropriate.
(21:31):
We don't obviously want them throwing anything, hitting us or yelling or something
like that, but recognizing that we can put words to this and we can understand
that this can be a part of learning,
especially when it's something hard and definitely teaching them how to then
celebrate on the other side of that because they've gone through that journey
of learning. And then we want to go back to teach.
(21:53):
So after we've really looked at that emotional and supportive piece, and we have now,
helped them to work through the thoughts they're thinking about,
all of that, now we can go back to teaching, to focusing,
to guiding them, to educating them on the thing that we were talking about,
and also using that as a part of the teaching, like I was just talking about,
(22:17):
helping them to understand.
One of the helpful things if you have older children is really showing them
that wheel of how we gain knowledge and say, okay, this is where you are.
This is not the wheel, but the graph that shows like how we go from not knowing
to knowing and helping them to say like, okay, this is where you are right now.
And this is the hardest part.
Like it takes a long time helping them to see it as a roller coaster maybe and saying like, listen,
(22:42):
you got to get all the the way up there and when you
get it takes longer and it's harder and you
feel kind of like that struggle but then you get here and
then you go down and it's it's easy from there but that
process is hard which is why I say that it's key that as you are learning with
them if you are learning something new or if you knew it before and I know this
(23:04):
seems like it's I don't remember it that you are verbally narrating the learning
process that you are going through so that they understand and And that even if you're frustrated,
even if you're struggling, that you name that, that you say,
oh, my, I'm really struggling.
This is frustrating because I don't remember this or I didn't remember this.
So they can see like, oh, OK, so you can be frustrated, but they also understand,
(23:27):
OK, this is how we do this.
And then timeout is number eight, but that can happen at any time that you need
to. Take a break. Take care of yourself.
Give them a break so that they can manage their emotions and so that you can
manage your emotions and that you're able to regain some sort of perspective around this.
And it can look many different ways. So if the weather is okay,
(23:51):
sometimes I'll tell my child to go out and get fresh air.
I'll tell them to go out and count down from 10 to 1.
I might tell them to walk around the house a couple of times just to let that
energy and let their brain work a little more.
I might come into my favorite place,
my closet, and get me a piece of chocolate. Or I may go sit outside.
Or Because I don't want them to feel like I'm, you know, that I don't want to be with them.
(24:14):
But sometimes I'd let them know, like, we might just need a break.
And then we or we might take the break together. Like, you know,
let's go walk around the house together.
Let's just go outside. And then we talk about something else or we take a separate break.
Whatever we need, we give ourself that timeout. I think timeout has a negative
connotation because it was used as punishment, which is, you know,
(24:35):
it's okay. That's what it was used as.
But I just think I do like the timeout sign.
I'm having a blank at what sport that is. But you know, with your hands,
you do that timeout T and I'll say, okay, timeout, we need a timeout.
Go do this. And so I don't really, I don't think my children see it as a negative
because sometimes I'll even say, do you think you need a timeout?
(24:57):
Like maybe two minutes? All right, let's do two minutes.
Or do you think you need four minutes or whatever it is? And let's come back to it.
And then we come back to it. and then the
ninth one which is not like I said something
that has to be done last because it's kind of this whole process
that you're doing is that what we're trying to do as our child is struggling
(25:18):
is continue to build trust with them and the reason why that is so key as the
teaching parent is because they already trust us they love us they know that there is nothing that's.
We would withhold from them. They know that we're going to nurture them.
We're going to care for them. But in that place, when they're struggling with
(25:39):
learning, sometimes it can feel, especially because they have all those negative
thoughts in their head, they need the reminder.
They need to know that you are okay with them struggling.
That needs to be something that they are not trying to prevent you from seeing.
And I have children sometimes where they're just like, no, I'm good.
I don't, and I see them crying and I see them, but they just do not want to
(26:02):
have me as a part of the process with them because of embarrassment or whatever it is.
And so I have to help them to build that trust with me.
I've got to continue to do these things to help them to see like,
this is normal and I want to be here.
And this is a supportive and understanding relationship.
And listen, nobody wants this for you more than I do.
(26:23):
I'm your mother. I tell my kids all the it's on me you came out my tummy so
we are connected I feel what you feel and I want to
help you and there's no amount of
struggle or stress that's gonna make me
stop loving you working with you trying this and when I mess up when I'm frustrated
because I've said it for the 700th and 82nd time you know how that is where
(26:46):
you're just like what are they not getting I have to take a break go get myself
together and say please forgive me I was getting frustrated frustrated, but I'm ready.
And I'm sorry if that made you feel like I don't want to help you or that I'm
upset with you because you need me to explain it again.
But I've thought about it and now we can address it this way.
And then I want to give you two little practical strategies that can help.
(27:11):
I joke about Professor Google and Alexa. Those are supportive resources as well.
So if you need to, if you're trying to teach something and they're really struggling
and you're like, I'm just not, it's not clicking.
See if there's a video or something that you can watch with them that might impact.
And if you find that that thing is not working,
(27:35):
you're just saying they're not getting it, then it may be necessary to look
into some other options and say, okay, is it that the curriculum is not teaching it well?
Are there some other things that are going on?
It's okay to explore, to look, to find, to try to get an answer with that.
(27:56):
But the first place we wanna start with is making sure that we're paying attention to their needs.
I pray that when your child is struggling, notice I said when.
Because they will struggle at some point because it's a part of the process,
that you will remember to talk to them.
You will remember to tune in. You will remember tenderness. You will remember touch.
(28:21):
You will remember to tolerate the emotions and acceptance of it. it.
You will remember to think about how you can choose transformative talk.
You will teach them about what is going on. You will take a timeout and give
them a timeout and that you will continue to build trust.
If you do that, and these are not, these are the things you do overall.
(28:42):
If you're thinking, okay, they're struggling in reading, what's the specific
thing I need to do in reading, then that's different.
And I can't give you a blanket statement for that, which is why you'd have to
set up a call with me because we need to talk about what part of reading are
they struggling And then be able to give strategies specifically for that.
And so if you're like, well, they're struggling with writing,
then we need to do the specific thing that they're struggling with and talk about that.
(29:05):
But I just mean in the concept of at the point that they're struggling,
what are the things that we need to do so that we are okay to be able to help them in the next place?
And if you're recognizing that, let's say they're struggling with math concept,
like over and over again, like multiplication or something, then yes,
it's okay to say, okay, you know what?
(29:26):
We need additional help. We need to outsource that in some way. That's okay.
It's okay to say, I need some additional help in being able to support them.
But just in the place where they're struggling, I hope that you will remember
that you are not powerless.
There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with them.
There are things that you can do, and then you'll tune in and do those things.
(29:50):
I pray this was helpful. You know, I would love to hear if it was.
So send me an email, ask your questions in the group, and I'll see you next time.
Thank you for tuning in i hope that this episode empowered
equipped and most of all encouraged you don't
forget to share your thoughts on today's topics because i'd love to
hear how you're implementing these strategies and you
(30:12):
can do that in the free community where you can connect with me
and other like-minded moms you'll get some practical
tips for homeschooling and teaching your child managing your
stress and prioritizing your self-care you can also ask questions there you
can participate in the fun challenges and of course you can celebrate your wins
because we like to party over there also if this was helpful and you know that
(30:34):
it can be helpful to someone else leave a review or share this with another
homeschooling mom who needs to catch her,
that's my cue but before i go i want to leave you with these words from philippians
4 6 through 7 i pray that you won't be anxious about anything but that in every
situation by prayer and petition with Thanksgiving,
(30:55):
you would present your request to God and that you will experience the kind
of peace that surpasses understanding as you navigate the stresses of life and homeschooling.
Until next time, remember to take a moment to catch your breath.
Music.
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