The Road to Hell is Paved with Self-Esteem

In this episode we discuss the Biblical alternative to self-esteem along with eternal implications of self-esteem. 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You

(00:21):
All right, welcome to another podcasthere from Faith Baptist Church in Visalia.
My name is Eric Northook andtoday we have Dan Castaneda.
Check.
One.
Check.
He's on the other line.
All right.
We can hear you loud and clear.
And we are going to continueour discussion on self esteem.

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I was thinking after last last time we,we left off, we just laid laid out self
esteem and what more is there to say.
And then as I was looking at, j.
J.
Adams in his the biblicalview of self esteem.
And he says there, he says it's not enoughto burn down a house, it's also necessary

(01:08):
to erect another one in its place.
And you know, it's, it's, it's fineto, to tear down an argument, right?
In every high thing that exaltsitself against the knowledge of
God, but we also have to build up.
How are we to live
Yeah, that's a good question here.
You know if we're tearingdown the idea of self love.

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Then what do we put in its place?
Right.
And that's the question.
What, what should we put in its place?
What does the Bible teach on self love?
The Bible has a lot tosay about a view of self.
We've talked about that.
There is a biblical alternativeto self worth and it does
begin with the word self.

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Right?
Yes, it does.
But it's got a very different ending.
Yes, it does.
It's called self denial.
Yes.
So that's, you know, in anutshell what we're called to.
Yes, it is.
Which is the polar oppositeof self esteem and self love.
You can't get any clearer than the waythat Jesus speaks about this actually,

(02:16):
I think a good place to start is whatPaul says in 2 Timothy 3 verse 2, 2
Timothy 3 verse 2 he says, for men willbe lovers of self, lovers of money,
boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedientto parents, ungrateful, unholy.
And he's describing, inverse 1, difficult times.

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And at the very front of that list, howdo you know you're in difficult times?
Well, when men become lovers of self.
Boy, if that's not the epitome of today.
Right.
That is exactly what what we'reseeing, and it explains so much,
you know, the narcissism of ourculture the men are lovers of

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self.
And the rest of that passage really goeson to describe what are the outcomes of
being lovers of yourself, doesn't it?
You're lovers of money, you're proud,you're arrogant, you're abusive,
disobedient to their parents,ungrateful, unholy, heartless.
Unappeasable, slanderous, withoutself control, brutal, not loving

(03:32):
good, treacherous, reckless,swollen with conceit, lovers of
pleasure rather than lovers of God.
Yeah.
The companion of Lovers of Selfin that list, like all the things
that come with it is is terrifying.

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Yes.
It begins with Lovers of Selfand then you have all of this.
Every single one of theseare self centered, right?
Everything in this listis a self centered person.
Yes, absolutely.
Or people.
It reminded me of James 3.
It seems like I always end upcoming back to James 3 and James 4.

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James 3 verse 13 says who among you iswise understand and let him show by his
good behavior his deeds is gentleness ofwisdom But if you have bitter jealousy
and selfish ambition in your heart do notbe so arrogant So lie against the truth
that kind of wisdom or that has led tothat kind of behavior Doesn't come from
above That's earthly, natural, demonic.

(04:41):
So selfish ambition is demonic in its end.
Like the kind of wisdomthat that stems from.
That, exaltation of self.
And then he says for , where jealousyand selfish ambition exists, you
have disorder in every evil thing.
And that's exactly whatPaul was telling Timothy.
Yes.
Every evil thing.
Right.
Every evil thing, whichultimately centers around self.

(05:05):
And ultimately, every evil thing,if you carry that on in James, leads
to quarrels, fights, conflicts..
Because you're what?
Living for your passions.
. Your passions are at war within you.
Right.
And so yeah, this list is, man, it'sso descriptive of our culture today.
And everything that's going onin our culture has just, has

(05:28):
come out of this love of self.
And, and people have been, you know, forso long, people have been living this
lie that that self is the ultimate andthat is a lie that started with Satan.
And, and so we're living in the, reallythe outcome of that in our culture is

(05:49):
all this stuff that's going on todayfrom, you know, every facet of it right
now, the way people address authority,the way, you know, the way people
are dealing with biblical realities.
They're just arrogant.
Yeah.
And abusive.
And you can't tell them no.
Right.
Because if you tell themno, then, then you incur

(06:11):
their wrath.
Oh man.
Boy, has that not been true?
Have we not experienced that?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
They never told me when I was inseminary that you're going to incur
the wrath of people that you tell no.
I should have known because,that's the natural human behavior.
But, what's interesting about, you know,James 3 and James 4 in this list here

(06:32):
is that you can pretty much say thatif you have chaos, disorder you know,
fights going on in your life and aroundyou, it's because Of a self centered
somewhere, somebody wants what they want,how they want it, when they want it.
Yes.
And, you know, it's selfish,it's self centeredness, it's

(06:53):
self esteem that is driving it.
And that's just amazing.
And 2 Timothy 3, 2, that where itsays men will be lovers of self.
That's the word philatoi whichit's got phileo, the the word for,
for brotherly love in their love.
And then autos, you know wherewe get the word autonomy.

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So love a brotherly, brotherlylove for yourself, for yourself.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's the only time that word is used.
In the Bible and Paul usesit very, very specifically,
And it's seen in a negative light.
You have love for yourself.
Well, then this is what's going
to happen, right?
You never see the only time that this wordor this idea of love for self is used.

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It is extremely negative You'renot gonna find a case of that
used where that needs to mark youas a as a disciple Yes, right.
I was thinking of John 15 19 whereJesus says if you were of the world
the world would love You, becausethe world loves its own, they, they
are, they naturally love themselves.

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That's what marks theworldly kind of living.
That's right.
And so you, you would expectthen that self esteem would be a
massive push in such a a mindset.
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, if you love yourself, thenyou're going to do, you're going to

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stand for that which only benefits you.
Or what you think benefits youthat way that which you want your
desires and no one else's matters,
But then you see the contrast in Matthew16 Where was it Matthew 16 verse 24?

(08:41):
He says 25 24 and 25 He says ifanyone wishes to come after me
He must deny himself and takeup his cross and follow me.
For whoever wishes to save his lifewill lose it, but whoever loses
his life for my sake will find it.

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That's a, that's a very extreme statement.
It is.
That he
makes.
And the word deny is quite extreme.
So you talk about theopposite of self love.
Yeah.
It literally has a sense ofdisavowing, repudiating, utterly deny.
You say no, no, no to oneself.

(09:21):
Yeah,
it's to disown yourself.
It's to refuse to recognize yourself.
It's the exact opposite of philateloi?
Yes.
It's the exact opposite of that.
And, and so Jesus commands, he says,this is just a fascinating verse.
He says, if anyone desires, and thereare many people who will say, , I

(09:44):
want to be a follower of Jesus.
You see that in John 6.
Well, beginning in John 6, youhave all these disciples that
are following after Jesus.
At the end of John 6, they endup leaving and Jesus turns to his
disciples and say, well, you go too.
And then Peter speaking for thedisciples says, well, where would we go?
You have the words of life, youknow, that marks the disciple.

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But there are many who will desireto come after him or to follow him.
But the the call is.
Self denial.
Unless you're denying yourself,you are not a follower of Jesus.
That is extreme.
And then, and then he says you musttake up your cross and follow him.

(10:29):
Yeah, that was my next question.
I was gonna say, well, how does thatlook if you're denying yourself?
What does that look like?
Well, I think, you know, that next, thenext phrase, you take up your cross.
And follow Him.
You know, a lot of people lookat that and go, well, hey, you
know, my cross is my burden.
Right.
Like, my spouse is my burden.

(10:50):
Is that what you mean?
You mean by that?
Like, I'm taking up my cross every day.
I live with a bad boss.
I work with a bad boss.
That's my cross.
But that's not what Jesus is saying.
He's saying yourself.
Yes.
is your burden.
Your cross is to deny yourself.
Yes.
And what do you do with the cross?

(11:11):
You die on it.
You die on it.
Yeah.
Yeah, you are crucified.
You know what?
It's funny, I think JayAdams brings that out.
And he goes, you know, the peoplein that day wouldn't have looked
at, heard the word cross andgo, well, that's just, you know.
Right.
Me having to work with my bad boss.
Right.
No, your problem is not your bossor your spouse or your children.

(11:35):
Your number one problem is yourrefusal to die to yourself.
And and this is, this is, this,this passage of scripture.
And he says, by the way, inverse 26 right after that.
He says, for what will it profita man if he gains the whole
world and forfeits his soul?
Or what will a man givein exchange for his soul?
So we're talking abouteternal implications here.

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Yes.
This is a stunning passage of scripturethat basically Jesus is saying, unless
you practice or live out self denial anddie to yourself, you are not a Christian.
Is that not what he's saying?
Yes.

(12:17):
Yeah.
And in order to follow me, if you'regoing to follow me, You take a back
seat to me, is what Jesus is saying.
You kill yourself, you go on thecross, if you're going to follow me.
You're, you're dying to self for me.

(12:38):
That's, that's exactly right.
And that's the polar oppositeof, you know, you come into the
world, the world loves its own,the world are self lover, the world
is a, you know, born self loving.
And when Jesus changes The heartregenerates when the spirit regenerates
someone what happens is as we go fromloving ourselves to loving Christ There

(13:03):
is a miracle that happens, you knowin the greatest miracle of all is our
hearts are changed We begin to love thethings that God loves and hate the things
that God hates and we grow in grace andknowledge it's not like immediately we
Reached the you know, the the end of thatcontinuum there You know, we're growing

(13:25):
in it, but there is a fundamental changein us, and we recognize that Jesus is
number one in our life, and we love him.
Yeah, you see that also in Luke 14,in verses 25 through 27 in Luke 14,
Jesus says essentially the same thing.
He says it a little differently.

(13:46):
He says, If, in verse 26, he says,if anyone comes to me and does not
hate his own father, mother, wife,and children, and brothers and
sisters, but he didn't stop there.
Yes, even his own life,he cannot be my disciple.
Whoever does not bear his own cross andcome after me cannot be my disciple.

(14:11):
Man, those are just powerful words.
I mean, it just blasts anything.
Put on the same plane as Christ and,you know, whether it's yourself or,
or, you know, these relationshipsin your life even good things, Jesus

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Christ is, you are, you are willingto follow him no matter what it costs.
Yes.
And the first thing it costs is your own.
Sense of you know, it'sall about what I'm worth.
That's right.
And that's, that's the first thing.
It's, , it's not about my self esteem.
It's about Christ's esteem.

(14:55):
Yes.
And so you take up your crossand follow him because he took
up the cross that we deserved.
I think of that, that whole pictureof the cross and what it means,
you know, our self, our sinfulways, our priorities, our desires.
We're to treat those things likea criminal that must be crucified.

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And every single day, we needto be putting that to death,
and sometimes moment by moment.
And that's the call, which is the polaropposite of self esteem, and self worth,
and self love that the world is pushing.

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The other thing
too, if you think about it, when, whenyou're living in the world of self
love, everyone else is your servant.
Yeah.
Everyone else serves you.
You're here to serve me and meet my needs.
Right.
And, and Christ says, no,no, no, you serve me and you

(16:01):
kill yourself in the process.
Yeah.
You die to self.
Yeah.
You kill yourself.
But you die to self.
You know what I mean?
You, you, you're going to crucify yourwants, desires, and you are going to
live for me and my desires and my,you're, you become my slave, just like
we did in Roman six, you know, we'reno longer slaves of unrighteousness,

(16:23):
but we are slaves of Christ's right?
Slaves don't have rights.
That's right.
They do what their masterdesires for them to do.
That's right.
Yeah.
And there's this paradox here that the onewho focuses on self will lose everything.
Including the preservation of himself.
Yes.

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But the one who focuses on Christwill gain everything, including
the preservation of self.
You know, that's, that'sthe, the paradox of it all.
We come and we die sothat we might gain life.
You know, we are, we, we areburied with Christ, and we are
resurrected with Christ, and soChrist becomes our all in all.
He is our life.

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He is our source of life.
We die to self that wemight find life in him.
That's the gospel.
Yes.
And there's no room for self esteem.
Like John 1225, he wholoves his life loses it.
He who hates his life in thisworld will keep it to life eternal.
There's that paradox.
Hmm.

(17:25):
You, you can't be a loverof yourself in gain life.
You're gonna lose.
Yes.
Yeah.
If you're looking out just for yourown selfish interests and your own
gain, you're looking out just for,you know, if I'm just looking out for
Dan, for Dan's sake, then I'm going tolose because I'm not gonna be willing.
To give myself for Christ, because allI'm going to be thinking of is what I

(17:45):
can get out of this life here and now.
And so yeah, I really like, that'ssuch a great verse too, you know,
if you think you're going to gainthis world, and you're going to gain
everything you can, you can findin this life, you're going to lose.
And that loss is eternal.
It's eternal in nature.

(18:06):
That's right.
It's not just that you, like, lost a game.
You lose like eternity.
You lose
everything.
Yeah.
Yeah, including self.
Yes.
I mean there is no Sense ofI've arrived when you're in
hell you you lose everything.

(18:29):
This is this is such a a Important topicwhen we talk about self esteem self worth
and self love because it has eternalimplications the kind of hatred of self,
like in Luke 14, 26 John 12, 25 where,where Jesus uses these extreme statements.

(18:50):
They strike at the core of selfworth, self esteem, and self love.
They, they, they strike it downand, and Jesus is saying that, that,
that has nothing to do with me.
And anyone who is pushing that andpromoting that and living in that kind
of thinking has nothing to do with me.

(19:11):
That's extreme.
That
is.
Yeah, absolutely.
If you think of Matthew 6,no one can serve two masters.
Yeah.
You're either going to serve God,or you're going to serve yourself.
You can't serve them both.
You can't do that.
It's an impossibility.
Right.
There's only one God.
Right.
And you can't put your self love onthe same plane as your love for Christ.

(19:34):
There's only one Lord, there'sonly one master, and it isn't you.
I was thinking of 1 Corinthians 6, downat the end of the chapter, it says,
do you not know that your body is thetemple of the Holy Spirit whom you
have with, with whom you have from God?
You are not your own.
Now, if, if you belong toChrist, you belong to him.

(19:57):
It says, you were bought with aprice, so glorify God in your body.
So that becomes my objective.
Yeah.
My objective is, how can Iglorify God in this body?
Not, not how can I live for myself, notwhat, not what can I gain personally.
Out of life, but how can Iglorify God in this body?

(20:20):
Yeah, and that becomes the newobjective of the of the believer who
has really given his life to Christ
Yeah, and that's all encompassing,that verse tells us that it
goes to your whole being.
It goes all the way to your body, toyour flesh, to every, to your actions.
It goes from the thoughts internallyto the actions, you know, externally.

(20:44):
You have been bought and paid for.
If you are a child of.
God, therefore your missionis not your duty is not to
glorify self, but to glorify God.
And, and that, you know,that, that's with everything.
First Peter one he saysyou've been bought.

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With the precious blood ofChrist, you've been born again,
not of perishable seed, but ofimperishable through the living word.
Yeah.
And just how you've beenbought with the precious blood.
It's not, it's not any blood.
It's the blood of Christ, and youbelong to Him, and that's just so,
it's so, it's so easy sometimes to getsidetracked from that, and when we do,

(21:32):
that's when we find ourselves in trouble.
Yeah,
yeah, that's, that is true, and, and whenyou actually compare, the world And the
goal of the man is to to esteem himselfor to have love, self love or self worth.

(21:53):
And your, your problems are allbecause of low self esteem, lack
of self love or low self worth.
What you find is thatwhat they're teaching,
jesus says it is the thingthat's going to condemn you.
And what the world condemns, whichis the denial of self, Jesus says,

(22:13):
that's the key to eternal life.
Yes.
I mean, they're, they're polar opposites.
They are.
They're antithetical.
They're completely antithetical.
Yes.
2 which I've, you know, I've, I'vegone to several times, even in this
podcast, and it talks exactly about that.
It says that and he died, he goes,for the love of Christ controls us.

(22:38):
Well, that's pretty, that'spretty blatant right there.
It's the love of Christthat's controlling me.
That's what's motivating me to dothe things I do, the love of Christ.
Not the love of self, but thelove of Christ controls me.
Because you have concluded this, that onehas died for all, therefore all have died.
And Christ dying for me andshedding his blood for me.

(23:03):
is what moves me to do thethings that I'm, I'm doing.
And he died for all, so thatthose who live might no longer
live for themselves, but for him.
Who for their sake diedand was raised to life.
And there's no, there'sno room for self in there.

(23:24):
Yeah.
There really
isn't.
I mean that, that is literallythe picture of baptism, isn't it?
We are, we are demonstratinghow we die to ourself.
Yes.
And we are risen with Christ.
That's, that's what we'redoing when we become baptized.
That's what we're proclaiming tothe entire church, that I am going
to choose to live for Christ.

(23:45):
I'm going to choose to love Christand and, and love the church
because you can't love Christand not love the body of Christ
so yeah we are literallycommanded not to live for selves.
And so our, our, our mantrais for me to live is Christ.
Christ.

(24:06):
Yes.
Right.
And, and if we live like that,then when we die, we gain.
And unless, unless you can say forme to live as Christ, death is not
gain, it's only, it's only misery.
And, and there has to be this, thiscomplete change this paradigm that
shifts in us that recognizes thatlike you said, we are, we are slaves

(24:32):
to Christ and our life is aboutHim, not about ourselves, our goals,
our dreams, our visions, you know?
I remember like the Americandream was a big expression when
I was, you know, first married.
And you know, the American dream, you'down your own house and all of that.
that was the primary focus ofso many people in the church,

(24:52):
but that was never the command.
Christ to his disciples.
He didn't say, well, you know I savedyou so you can go and, and and live,
become self sufficient, independent, and,and buy your dream home and build your
dream home and have a family and amazingChristmases and, and all this stuff.

(25:12):
And I'm not saying those are badthings, but if they are why you are
living, they are, they become idolatry.
That's right.
And you become very self focused.
God, you know, does allow us to be ableto own houses and things like that.
But those things can't be center focus.

(25:32):
And that can't be what we're lookingto for contentment, satisfaction,
fulfillment, completeness in life.
That can only
come from Christ.
Right.
For me to live is Christ.
And that just needs to be etched inour In our thinking and, we need to
wake up in the morning and say, oh yes,for me to live is Christ, not, not me.

(25:54):
Mm-Hmm.
, you know I was talking to my wife Iwas just kind of asking what, what,
what is, what would you describebeing married and being a mom?
And she said it's, it'sconstant self denial.
Hmm.
It is the hardest thing because allthe time you have to die to self.
Yes.
Constantly.

(26:15):
And that's hard.
Yeah, that's so true.
I mean, you think, yeah, I think ofall the things that my mom did growing
up and I just saw someone who Youknow, denied self for children, and
family, you know, and that's, but thereality is that God has called all
of his people to live a life of selfdenial and in every facet of life,

(26:39):
regardless of whether you're married,single, you know, what, where you work.
Yeah.
You, you're, you, you know, Matthew22, 37 through 39, you love the Lord,
your God with all your heart, withall your soul and with all your mind.
And then the second commandment is likeunto it, love your neighbor as yourself.

(27:00):
That's right.
Yeah.
You already love yourself, right?
But you love your neighbor,but those are elevated, you
know, and it starts with God.
If you don't love God, you'llnever love your neighbor.
As yourself, right?
Because if you don't loveGod, you love yourself,
When, when we talk about self denial,we're not saying that you don't, you
know, you just need to refuse to eatfood and don't take care of your body.

(27:21):
Don't take showers andwhatever, please, please.
That's loving of us when you do that,actually, of all the people around you.
But.
The problem is, is our love of self popsup everywhere and we have to keep, it's
like that the game whack a mole, right?
You have to keep beating that thing down.
Yes.
Constantly.

(27:42):
We are literally commandednot to live for ourselves.
Romans 14, 7.
For none of us lives for himselfand no one dies for himself.
Verse 8.
For if we live, we live for the Lord.
Or if we die, we die for the Lord.
Therefore, whether we liveor die, we are the Lord's.

(28:03):
Hmm.
So Christ takes the place of self.
Yes.
And he's on the throne.
He's on the throne.
Yes.
Yeah.
It was Jay Adams who saidthis, love itself by definition
is the denial of self.
Love is the cessation of self directed,self concerned, self centered living.

(28:25):
Those are Completely incompatible.
Yes.
Love in self.
Yeah, that's great.
I mean, I, I think that just kind ofnails it on the head, you know, and
the, the idea that, you know, this,in this whole idea of self esteem
that it's number one, it's antibiblical and it's, it's anti God.

(28:47):
Yeah.
Because you either loveGod or you love yourself.
You can't do both.
Yeah.
And, and, and God in Christ, if we belongto Christ, he has called us to love him
more than anything, especially ourselves.
Yeah.
Because we're to be actually crucifyingourselves and, and killing self,

(29:09):
putting it on the cross daily.
Take up your cross daily and follow me.
It is daily.
Yeah.
Amen.
Amen.
It is daily.
So what do we do when
we fail?
Well, you know, if we, if, ifwe confess our sins faithful and
just forgive us and to cleanseus, and we will fail all the time.
Yes, , there's no doubt about that.
Yes,
absolutely.

(29:30):
There's only one who has livedperfect, selfless living and submitted
perfectly to the will of the father.
And that was Jesus, of course.
And because he lived that perfectlife, we find in him our perfection.
Not in ourselves.
Yes.
And so there again is a call to dieto self because you won't find the

(29:53):
grace or the gospel or the perfectrighteousness that you need in yourself.
It's only in Christ.
So when we fail, run to Jesus.
Yes, right.
Yes.
Yes run to him because that'swhere that's where forgiveness
is That's where grace is.

(30:13):
That's where mercy is for every day andnever in ourselves, but only in him.
It's only
in him.
I was thinking just how emphatic Thisis that we understand that when we
are living for self, we are denyingeverything that Christ calls us to.

(30:35):
This is not a minor thing.
This is major and it haseternal implications.
And so I would just say that ifif you find yourself prone towards
selfishness, like we all are, Mmhmm, that you got to kill that thing.

(30:55):
Mm hmm, because It is dragging you tothe very brink of hell, and it is denying
everything that God has called you to.
Yes.
And and if you, you want to know ifyou are self centered, maybe you don't
know it, maybe you're so selfish youcan't even tell if you're selfish or

(31:15):
not, honestly ask people around you.
Yes.
Because I'll bet they'll tell you
, you know, you know, Hey, try asking someone, you know, where
do you see selfishness in me?
Yeah.
Try, try asking that . Yeah.
You know, and, and
listen.
Yes.
One of the things I've seen when, whenI come across extreme self-centeredness

(31:37):
is just, it's like trying to breakthrough a solid steel wall, you know?
Mm-Hmm.
It's, it is almost impenetrable.
And when I see that.
That extreme self centeredness, evenwhen someone professes that they're
a Christian man, I started to getreally concerned, really concerned.

(32:01):
And then when I think, when Isee it in myself too, I go, man,
what are you doing, Eric?
So,
all right.
All right.
Well, hey, this is this hasbeen a great conversation.
I mean, you take all these,you know, three or four now
that we've done on this topic.

(32:21):
And it's, I think it's beena good conversation to have.
And I hope people find itencouraging to think through and
even challenging for their own livesto think through and https: otter.
ai You know, Hey, where am I, how am I,you know, how am I living for Christ?
Where do I need to growin, in my love for Christ?
And what do I need to bekilling in my own life?
And then, you know, if, ifsomeone's listening to this

(32:44):
and they're not a believer tothink, Hey, what am I living for?
Yeah.
Who am I living for?
Am I living for me and me and myself only?
And where's that going to get me?
Yeah.
You know, in the end, Christ saysthat you will lose your life.
If you're trying to save it in this world.
You will lose it.
That's definitive.

(33:05):
That's a definitive declarationthat that's what will happen.
That's right.
So, you're playing with fire.
Yes.
God help us all.
Yes, amen.
Alright, and on that note,
That's a good note to end on.
It's a serious conversation,serious implications.
It's been a ministry of FaithBaptist Church in Visalia.

(33:29):
And you are welcome to come to church.
We have services at 10.
30 on Sunday morning.
We do Sunday school at 9.
30.
So and then 6 o'clock in the evening.
And kids programs on Wednesdays.
But come on by.
Until next time.