A Man Who Behaves Like A Panda - January 24th 2024

January 24th 2024

Yuriy describes an encounter hitchhiking with a driver who shares his criminal past and explains the phenomenon of people justifying themselves to soldiers.

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TRANSCRIPT: (Podbean app users can enjoy closed captions)

  It's January 24. 

Recently I was given a ride by an unfamiliar driver. It happens sometimes -people give lifts to soldiers if they're heading in the same direction, and I occasionally take advantage of that. But this ride was entirely different from all the others. I had not even closed the car door. When the driver started a very strange monologue, he began telling me that he had spent almost half his life in prison engaged in robberies and had almost killed someone once. That he was convicted of whole bunch of serious crimes. 

You know, such conversations make sense to intimidate someone who seems dangerous. Just like a red panda stands on its hind legs or a cat arcs its back to appear larger and scarier. People sometimes, in danger, start presenting themself as real monsters, but for the driver, there was no danger at all. He was a huge guy, almost twice my size with hands that barely fit on the steering wheel. So, scaring me for self-defense purposes made no sense. I could not do anything to him. 

And here we are driving and I'm listening to his stories about his criminal adventures, trying to understand why he's sharing all this with a stranger. Honestly, I never understood it until the driver revealed all the cards himself.  

"I wanted to join the military right after the full scale invasion began just like you, but they did not take me. They said, with such a criminal past, the army won't accept me." The driver told me, of course, he lied a bit. In the first days of the invasion they took everyone into the military, only releasing those prohibited from serving later, including criminals. But that's not the point. The real phenomenon is the relationship between people in uniform and those without. I constantly encounter this- men who did not go to the army start explaining to soldiers why we stayed behind. No one asks them, no one condemns them. But anyway, they need to justify themselves to those in uniform. 

This phenomenon is widespread. I've heard from many military personal, but strangers on the street or in transportation would start telling them why they didn't join the army. Describing where illnesses, talking about small children, elderly relatives, and so on. Once I encountered a very strange reaction to my uniform.  A year ago after some very tough weeks in Bakhmut, I came to Kyiv and took the metro to the headquarters without changing out the clothes I wore on the front. And then a man of my approximate age attacked me in the metro. Telling me that my dirty clothes were disrespectful to people around me and that I could not ride public transport in such a state. I almost immediately understood that it was his defense reaction. By degrading me for my appearance, he simply wanted to justify his existence in a peaceful city. As if being a soldier meant being dirty and scary. 

But, that was a singular incident. No one else has ever tried to berate me. However, I heard a lot of real and imagined story about why someone did not join the Army, and I think I'll hear more.