April 10, 2023 • 38 mins
You’re doing yourself a disservice by hiding all the time 😓
In episode 07 of I’m lost, so what? Cassandra brings back “Sassy Cassie” for some real talk about what it’s like to ‘hide’ from yourself and your greatness. No, this is not some ‘self-help’ and ‘empowerment’ talk (well maybe, it is a little)...
This is the episode for you if you’ve ever felt overlooked, resentful, and… well, hiding.
Cassandra covers:
- What hiding looks like and why we hide
- The 3 signs we are hiding from ourselves
- What to do if you’re ready to ‘stop hiding’
- And her favorite journaling prompts to work through this
So, be honest - are you hiding behind your work?
Connect with Cassandra elsewhere:
- Cassandra’s Personal Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cassandratle/
- The Quirky Pineapple Studio Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thequirkypineapplestudio/
- Subscribe to “Marketing Hot Takes”, a weekly email series for overlooked thought leaders who want to shift their perspective on branding & marketing for more industry opportunities - https://thequirkypineapple7935.ac-page.com/weekly-email-series
Additional resources mentioned in the episode:
- Ep. 02 - 3 existential questions to consider if you want to be more visible - https://imlostsowhat.podbean.com/e/3-existential-questions-to-consider-if-you-want-to-be-more-visible/
- Ep. 04 - RIP to the me I learned to love - https://imlostsowhat.podbean.com/e/rip-to-the-me-i-learned-to-love/
Additional resources and blogs from The Quirky Pineapple Studio:
- 5 Mindset Blocks Stopping BIPOC from Visibility - https://thequirkypineapple.com/blog/2020/07/08/5-mindset-blocks-stopping-poc-businesses-from-visibility/
- Shift your Imposter Syndrome to Confidence with 3 Mindset Hacks for Small Business Owners - https://thequirkypineapple.com/blog/2020/06/29/mindset-hacks-imposter-syndrome-confidence-small-business/
3 Mindset Shifts Every Small Business Owner Needs to be a CEO - https://thequirkypineapple.com/blog/2020/03/04/mindset-shifts-small-business-owner-needs-confident-ceo/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Waiting for the right moment.
An opportunity waiting for somebodyto give you permission is hiding.
It's hiding because nobody's coming.
Hello.
Hello everyone.
I'm Cassandra Le, and you'relistening to I'm lost, so what?
The podcast exploring betweenbelonging and carving your own path
for all the peeps out there who kindof know what you're doing, but still
(00:21):
question what the fuck is going on?
Yeah, I'm with you.
Hello.
Hello and welcome to the, I'm lost.
So what podcast?
This is your host, Cassandra, but todaySassy Cassie is coming back and we are
talking about hiding from ourselves.
So what does this actually mean?
This might sound like some, likea bunch of personal development
(00:45):
empowering mumbo jumbo, but bear withme because it is about to get real in
here, or maybe I am hyping this up forno reason, but stick with me y'all.
So, hiding from ourselves meansfearing our voice, fearing our
ideas and opinions, and it's alack of self-trust and confidence.
So in this episode, I'm gonna talka little bit about what hiding from
(01:08):
ourselves actually looks like, whyI think we hide from ourselves and
then go into some of the examplesfrom my life, some of the examples
from my client's lives, and then alsoexamples from just like Life, life.
And then of course, I love ending eachepisode with some hard-hitting questions
(01:30):
and maybe some journaling prompts.
So I'm gonna share three biggestsigns you're hiding from yourself,
what to do when you're ready toactually stop hiding from yourself.
And then two of my favorite journalingprompts that I share with my own
clients to kind of help them moveout of hiding from themselves.
So, come hang, Sassy Cassie'sback and let's get into it.
(01:54):
So I already mentioned what hidingfrom ourselves actually means.
And in my opinion, hiding fromourselves means that we fear our voice.
So actually using our voice, um,speaking up, saying something, sharing
our opinions, uh, for me this alwayslooks like being afraid to share how
I'm actually feeling emotions fearingour ideas and opinions, and it's a
(02:17):
lack of self-confidence and trust.
And how does this actually impactnot just us, but our communities?
So what happens, I personally think,is that when we are hiding from
ourselves, we end up resenting ourselvesbecause we're not saying something.
So if you listen to, I think it's episodetwo of this podcast where I'm talking
about three existential questions to askyourself before you get more visible.
(02:42):
Almost like this bodily feelingof holding back a cough.
And that's kind of how I think alsohiding looks like, so when we hide from
ourselves, we end up resenting ourselvesand that bleeds into our community
because we end up resenting the community.
We lack boundaries and confidence,and then we outsource a lot of our
(03:05):
validation and our responsibilitiesonto somebody else because we're like
waiting for somebody to like give usa permission or something like that.
And like that just ends up creating likethis very weird relationship dynamic,
I believe, where resentment comes in.
And then this is thefeeling of like being lost.
(03:25):
That we actually don't want this.
I know this podcast iscalled I'm Lost, so what?
But it's like an empower, not an- I hatethe word empowering, but it's like this
feeling of being lost and like findingpossibilities and opportunities in it.
And I feel like when we are hidingourselves, that's the feeling of loss
that we actually don't want becausethat's the feeling when you're like,
(03:46):
oh, life is just floating on by andI'm kind of just along for the ride
instead of deciding on your own.
So of course, before we dive into likehiding and examples and all of that, I
want to definitely acknowledge that thereis a lot of privilege in not hiding, for
example, like within the identities thatwe hold, the cultures that we live in.
(04:08):
Um, thinking about that sometimes it's.
Regarding our own safety when we hide,and I get it, that sometimes like
not hiding is just not safe for you.
Whether that is physically, emotionally,mentally, spiritually, whatever else.
If this is the case, if like hiding isactually safer for you than not hiding.
(04:34):
My recommendation is to look at thecommunities and networks that you're
actually part of and where can youstop hiding just a little bit more?
And this could be like within yourinner circle with your friends or
with like somebody that you feelreally safe with, uh, somebody
that you actually really trust.
That's where I would kind of pushyou to see if you can stop hiding
(04:55):
there just a little bit more.
And before we kind of like jump intonot hiding, I want to like definitely
recommend that you have a communityor network to support you when you
do or find like a therapist, coach,mentor, uh, to support you when you stop
hiding because I feel like it's such ashock, especially like, you know, when
(05:20):
we've been conditioned to hide or likeassimilate or, you know, just try and
fit in, especially in a world that likedoesn't want people who are, who have
like underrepresented um, identities orthings like that, the world basically
wants us to hide, and I always recommendhaving a community or network to support
you when you decide to kind of likestop hiding because it's important.
(05:44):
Okay, so I don't- before diving intothe rest of this stuff, I don't wanna
talk about this just from a personaldevelopment and empowering perspective.
Like I said before, Ireally hate that word.
Instead, I really wanna talk about itfrom the feeling of lack, of self-trust,
self-love and self-awareness becausewe're so afraid of ourselves and everyone
(06:06):
else that we choose to hide instead.
So we're going like deeper than Ithink what most people talk about
because like usually when I see.
Personal branding or likeinspiring quotes on Instagram.
A lot of the times they're kind of justtalking about like, don't give your
power away and like empower yourselfand like feel confident and all of that.
(06:27):
But I'm gonna flip it and I wanna talkabout like this very real feeling of.
Oh, this lack, I feel, um, and I'mtalking about this like from my personal
perspective, for me, when I was strugglingwith like hiding a lot, it was because
I had so much lack of self-trustand self-love and self-awareness
that I was so afraid of myself.
(06:50):
Like I was terrified of likethe things that I could do and.
That sounds funny tosay, but it, it's true.
I was so terrified of like my potentialthat I decided let me just coast on
by because it's way easier to coastthan to actually put in the work
(07:10):
and like, like out the potentialthat I have, and why do I actually
think that we hide from ourselves?
I think there are aboutthree reasons here.
The first one is because of culture, and Ifeel like it's because we live in a world
that favors dominant culture, of course.
Um, it favors white people.
(07:31):
It favors able-bodied people.
It favors people who are neurotypical,skinny bodies, rich people,
young people in their prime.
And for women that's ages 16to like 35 or maybe less if you
don't fall within that range.
And if you're not like a cisheterosexual white male most of the
time, the world does not favor you.
So I get it.
Like when we don't fit in, whatwe try to do is we assimilate and
(07:55):
coming from somebody who is a firstgeneration Vietnamese American
assimilating is like survival.
And we assimilate so we can getpraise, we can get recognized.
We can get chosen.
I think we assimilate.
So we fit in, we belong.
We feel like we wanna get invited to.
And assimilation, although yes,it is survival, it is also hiding
(08:19):
because what we've seen is the worldwill, will reward us when we're more
like X, Y, Z instead of A, B, C.
So that's like the culture aspectbecause people or our society
just favors dominant culture.
The systems favor dominant culture.
Everything favors dominant culture.
People who are not dominant culture arekind of like brushed to the side or.
(08:42):
What do we do?
We, we assimilate.
And then the, there's the conceptof identity and I feel like when we
hide ourselves, so this might geta little bit meta here, but I feel
like when we are hiding ourselveswe like hide behind our identities.
So lemme explain that.
I wrote down in my notes herelike why question who you are
(09:04):
when you're ever changing.
And this is something that I've actuallyrun into with a couple of my clients when
we talk about like their brand identity orthe message of their business, sometimes
they push back with this thought of,well, why do I have to define my message?
Why do I have to definelike what I am or who I am?
(09:26):
Because I am ever changing?
And this is the paradoxof identity I believe.
Because I believe identity.
Is helpful because one, it givesus language to kind of describe
like who we are, what we like, um,how we operate and all that stuff.
But then it becomes a hindrance to our owngreatness and possibilities because we've
(09:49):
actually boxed ourselves in, so we hide.
This is what I've seen.
We hide behind our identitieslike small business owner, sibling
parents, ceo, X, Y, Z, whatever it is.
Um, if you've listened to episodefour of the I'm lost, so what?
podcast, I actually go into this whereI was talking about rest in peace to
(10:09):
the me I learned to love, and I talkabout how I hid behind the identity
of being a small business owner fora really long time because I was
actually really scared to like openmyself up to deeper relationships
other than just business ones.
And so I feel like when we are sotied into our identity, we hide
(10:29):
behind titles, age, gender, et cetera.
And we also, if we don't define ourselvesas well, this is like a very nuanced
conversation, I feel like I can't fullycapture it in just like one episode.
This might have to be like a whole otherepisode itself, but I do feel like one,
if you over define yourself, then youare hiding behind this like identity
(10:56):
title that you've created for yourself.
And then if you don't understandmore about your identity than you
are hiding behind you know, the fearof actually knowing and like putting
a name or something to like who youare and understanding yourself more.
(11:17):
So there's like this littlegray area in between.
Of course the I'm lost, so what-ersmight know of like, this is it.
This is the Twilight Zone thatI always keep talking about.
So instead of hiding behind, Theseidentities, if you are leaning
really hard into like ceo, leader,manager, director, or even like
(11:38):
somebody who says, oh, I'm, I'm lazy.
Or, you know, I won't ever know.
Or, you know, I'm too late to the game.
Instead of hiding behind these identities,what if we actually opened it to
bring more fluidity to the question?
More gray space, more Twilight Zone.
So if you don't know what theTwilight Zone is, I talked about it
(11:59):
in episode four of the podcast Restand Peace to the Me I learned to love.
I define it as, This space whereinfinite possibilities, creativity,
and like opportunities exist becauseyou're like right in the middle.
And that's kind of what thiswhole podcast is about, right?
Like living in that twilight zoneand not living in the twilight
(12:20):
zone to let life pass you by.
But living in that twilightzone because you occupy a space.
Infinite creativityand possibility exists.
So that's like the identity piece.
The last one is the feeling ofacceptance, love and belonging.
And no one wants to feel likethey don't belong, right?
Like in, in my business, The QuirkyPineapple Studio and with our
(12:43):
clients, uh, we take them througha process to understand like, the
why of their brand and business.
And then we take it one stepfurther to get to the actual core
emotion of, uh, their brand messageand their business as a whole.
And this core emotion, Ithink, is deeper than the why.
It actually humanizes the brand andit brings a culturally competent
(13:06):
and liberatory lens to it.
It also allows us to think interms of real human interaction
instead of numbers and goals.
And the reason why I'm breaking this upis because I feel like this acceptance,
love, and belonging, um, is actuallyreally integral to what I do in my.
Our core emotion at The QuirkyPineapple Studio is love, and it's
(13:27):
not like we go around and say, we loveyou, you belong here, et cetera, et
cetera in our marketing or content.
You probably won't ever see the wordlove in our website copy, but instead
we use this as a grounding emotionfor everything we create, because I
believe when you feel love, you feelaccepted, and you feel like you belong.
And that's what I believe in both senses,both personally and within community.
(13:51):
If you have love for yourself, wouldwe actually need to seek out and search
for love or acceptance in others?
In my opinion, no.
If we had love for ourselves,would we be so afraid and hide
from our ideas, creativity and art?
In my opinion, no.
And if we had love from thecommunity, would we feel the need
(14:13):
to judge, criticize or exclude?
Again, in my opinion.
No, but I think the reason why we hidefrom ourselves and others is because it's
easier to blame and look for outside, lookfor outside acceptance, love and belonging
than it is to work on it for ourselves.
And those are like the three reasonswhy I think we hide from ourselves.
(14:34):
One, it's like culturally,again, the systems that we live
in favor dominant cultures.
So of course we hide and assimilatebecause we want to fit in.
We want to belong, we want.
Feel accepted and like getopportunities and get jobs and do stuff.
We don't wanna feel like excluded,hate in all of those other things.
I think the second thing is our identity,because either we over define ourselves
(14:59):
and kind of like hide behind thatidentity, or we don't define ourselves
and then are just like floating on by.
And then the third thing isacceptance, love and belonging.
Like we hide because wewant to feel accepted.
We hide because we want to feel love.
We hide because we want to feel likewe belong and like we're basically
(15:20):
waiting for somebody to give that to us.
When in actuality, I feel like ifwe gave it to ourselves, then it
would be more difficult to blameand look for it outside of ourselves
and we could give it to ourselves.
Like if we gave.
That acceptance, love and belonging.
(15:42):
What's really stopping us?
What, where are we actually hiding?
So when we actually hide from ourselves,I feel like a lot of the times, clearly
I've journaled on this like quite a bit.
Uh, I feel like when we hide fromourselves, a lot of people that
I've talked to, clients, friends,peers, colleagues, community
members, there's this fear ofisolation that always comes up.
(16:05):
You know, like, oh, I, I'm afraid thatI'll push people away, or I'm afraid that
nobody will want to be around me becauselike, I don't know, shine too bright.
I don't know.
Whatever it is.
And I actually believe that alot of people choose to hide
because this is what they tell me.
They're afraid of being rejected.
They are afraid of not belonging.
They don't wanna be judged or criticized,and they don't want to be alone.
(16:28):
And all of that actually manifestsitself into a fear of isolation
and those other things, rejection,not belonging, being judged, being
criticized, don't want to be alone.
Is a fear of isolation.
And some of the examples in mylife end up looking like, oh, I'm
afraid of being isolated, so letme consume a lot of content to
(16:50):
feel like I, I'm part of something.
I'm afraid of isolation, so let me waitfor someone to recognize and choose me,
because if I choose myself, I'm basicallylike isolating myself by positioning
myself as like, I'm better, or somebody'sgonna think like I'm trying to be the it
thing when that just ends up being toointense and then I hide for myself when
(17:17):
I procrastinate, I can't, this usuallylooks like I'm putting things off.
I'm waiting until the last minute, I'mrushing and I'm not being intentional.
And that can be isolating in its ownway because I really feel like, oh,
I end up kind of like victimizingmyself because I'm like, oh my gosh,
(17:40):
like I like, oh, this is so hard.
Like, oh my goodness, I can't believeI have to do this and blah, blah, blah.
When I could have taken thatcontrol from the beginning and.
You know, not actually hide.
So those are some examples inmy own life of like how I've
actually hidden from myself.
(18:01):
Uh, let me share some examples of whatit looks like in my client's lives.
So my clients at The QuirkyPineapple Studio, they are
thought leaders, personal brands.
They are the owners of small businesses.
They run uh, small tomedium sized businesses.
They want to really build moreof their community and position
(18:24):
them, uh, themselves as experts intheir field, in their industries.
So I've got three examples.
There are more, but these are likethe most common that I run into with
clients at The Quirky Pineapple Studio.
The first one is holding onto oldidentity stories and messages.
So they actually endup hiding behind that.
So when we work together, most ofthe time it is to kind of pivot their
(18:47):
current message and their current,like business services and whatever,
because they want to kind of move intoa new realm of their business or open
up a new, uh, branch to their business.
And what ends up happening is they cometo me, they have this idea of wanting
to change, but then they hold onto oldidentity stories and messages because
that's what's worked in the past.
(19:10):
They're in this middle of, oh,this has worked in the past,
so why would I let it go?
But they feel like they getheld back by again, this old
identity story and message.
So they're caught in the middle of,do I let go of something that has been
working for me and venture into unknownterritory, but I know this is working,
(19:31):
but then I'm also feeling held back by it.
It's that same sensation that I wastalking about in episode of the podcast,
like I, I had to let go of a certainidentity that I held onto for a really
long time and an identity that gotme to where I am today, but then was
hurting me in the end because it wasn'taligned to my values, it wasn't aligned
to like the person that I wanted to be.
(19:52):
It was actually causing meto feel burnt out and tired.
And that's kind of what our clientsalso go . When we work on personal
branding, they hold onto an old identitystory and message, and this could be
something that you might be going through.
Are you holding onto an old identity storyor message that no longer serves you?
You're holding onto it because that'swhat's been working in the past, but then
(20:12):
you also at the same time feel held backby it, but you're kind of deciding when
do I let go and what am I letting go?
So that's the first example.
The second one is that they actuallyfeel totally cringe when it comes
to sharing their story and messagebecause they don't want to be
a, an influencer, quote unquote,online that sells their lifestyle.
(20:35):
So I just wanna make it clear that thismight be another episode, but building a
personal brand is another business modeland influencing is another business model.
Like y'all.
These are two different things that canbring you economic and social capital, but
like influencing is not necessarily bad.
(20:58):
It's gotten a bad rap because of theway like internet, social media has run.
But if you wanna build a personalbrand that is like a different
business model than if you wantto build a service-based business,
you can have both at the same time.
Of course, like.
You have it.
I'm not saying you can't, but youdo have to differentiate because one
(21:19):
will sell a certain type of thing ina certain type of way to a specific
audience, and then the other, whicheverone you decide, that one has a different
business model, different audience, anddifferent marketing and sales tactics.
So I just wanna say that you are notcringe when it comes to sharing your
story or your message just becauseyou don't wanna be an influencer.
(21:40):
The way the internet is running,the way people consume content, the
way people consume social media.
We are not just buying from adsanymore, y'all like, it requires a
little bit more human connection.
And a lot of our clients run into thisidea of, oh gosh, I'm such like cringe.
(22:01):
I don't wanna be an influencer.
And it's really hurting you because whatends up happening is you hide behind your.
Um, and that takes me actually to thethird example, is that because they
feel totally cringe when it comesto sharing their story and message
and like more about themselves.
They hide behind their work, liketheir work will speak for them.
And that is not true.
(22:23):
In one of the newsletters that we sentout for The Quirky Pineapple studio, I
was talking about this actually, thatmost of the time we believe that our
work, if we work really hard and if you.
A black indigenous person of color,you might know this feeling where
somebody has told you work hard andyour work will speak for itself.
Work hard, do good work, and peoplewill notice you work hard, do good work,
(22:46):
and someone will like say, thank you.
Somebody will recognize you.
You will be chosen.
And that doesn't workreally because it's false.
It's false because we liveunder a capitalist, racist,
sexist, ableist society.
And when we believe these things.
(23:08):
It's only true if you are in dominantculture because that means you basically
have to hide a lot of yourself and thenthink that you're gonna get chosen because
you're just producing really good work.
And under capitalism,you're just producing.
And when you don't produce goodwork, then you won't get chosen.
(23:30):
Nobody will recognize you.
Nobody will say thank you.
Nobody will give you your praise,and as Miley Iris says, you
know, she buys her own flowers.
Nobody will give you your flowers.
You have to do it for yourselfbecause your work will not
necessarily speak for yourself.
Of course.
I'm not saying like, don't do good work.
Do good work.
You all like know your stuff, do thegood work, but your work will not
(23:53):
speak for you, uh, not in like thecurrent system that we live in and
not especially in the current socialmedia climate that we have and like the
content marketing climate or the personalbranding or just like world we live in.
If you want to build a personal brandor thought leadership or if you wanna
step out and just be a leader and nothide anymore, You have to take this
(24:14):
however way you want it, but in myopinion, I really believe like you
cannot hide behind your work because youhave to go out there and hype yourself
up because nobody will do it for you.
So I just wanna share like alot of these examples, Yeah,
they came from my own life.
They came from my client's lives.
But it doesn't just apply to people whowant to be creators or business owners
(24:35):
or thought leaders or whatever else.
It can apply to you.
If you work in a company,it can be applied to you.
If you are a community leader, itcan apply to you within your like
family life thinking about your story.
And your message isn't justfor somebody who is a thought.
A creator, a social media influencer, apodcaster, a YouTuber, whatever it is,
(24:58):
thinking that you're nothing special, andjust another one in a sea of millions.
True story.
Those are actually wordsthat one of our clients said.
Is hurting you, and it is hidingyou from the real connection and
community that you could be buildingbecause you are hiding from yourself.
Let me take a breather because I'mlike getting riled up over here.
(25:19):
Oh.
So now that we, we went throughall of that, let me just
share the, um, examples again.
So, in my own life, it looks likeI was consuming a lot of content.
I was waiting for someoneto recognize and choose me.
I was procrastinating in my client'slives, this looks like they are holding
onto old identity stories and messagesbecause that's what's worked in the
past, but then feeling held back bythem, it is feeling totally cringe
(25:42):
when it comes to sharing their storyand message because they don't want
to be an influencer and then becausethey don't wanna be an influencer.
They end up hiding behind their work.
Like their work will speak for themselves.
They end up trying to do like 500 timesput in, 500% just to get somebody else to
notice and recognize them instead of likegoing out there and, you know, claiming
(26:08):
all of these good things for themselves.
So those are the examples, but nowlet's talk about the three biggest
signs you are hiding from yourself.
These are a little bit different.
So the first one that I see very oftenin not just my clients, but in like.
Literally everyday people isyou're doing a lot of planning,
(26:29):
ideating and brainstorming.
So this looks like you're reading,educating, watching, learning,
without actually taking actionbecause you think it's already been
done and there's no reason to do it.
Or you think, oh, I need tolearn and like idiot brainstorm
plan more before I actually am.
(26:52):
That's number one.
Just wanna let you all know now, if you'rein this stage, you'll never be ready.
Take it in.
It's okay.
I had to learn it.
You'll never be ready and that's okay.
Okay.
Number two, waiting for theright moment and opportunity.
That's basically what I just saidto number one, but with a twist.
Like you're waiting for asign or something is going
to come and tell you that.
(27:14):
You know, everything is okay.
You can do it now.
You're waiting for permission.
Uh, you want all the cards to beperfect before you make your move.
You want to have everythingmapped out again.
Really, you'll never know.
And waiting for the right moment andopportunity, waiting for somebody
to give you permission is hiding.
It's hiding because nobody's coming.
(27:35):
It's kind of sad, but not reallybecause if you think about it,
when I, what I talked about in thebeginning of this episode about, you
know, how we outsource this feelingor how we outsource the need to feel
accepted, loved, and like we belong.
If we gave that to ourselves, we wouldn'thave to wait for anybody to give it to.
(27:58):
If we, sometimes, like when I repeatthis stuff, I'm like, damn, goosebumps.
But if we gave ourself the love,acceptance, and belonging that we crave
from others, we wouldn't have to wait.
We wouldn't have to have people choose us.
We could go out there andfucking choose ourselves.
(28:19):
That's pretty cool.
And when we choose ourselves, thatgives us the opportunity to show others
that they can choose themselves to,anyways, I'm gonna head it for myself.
So number two is waitingfor someone to choose you.
Praise you, give you thepermission, and it's basically
waiting for the right moment.
And opportunity number one wasthat you're just doing a lot of
planning, ideating, and brainstormingwithout actually taking action.
(28:42):
And number three, the biggest signyou are hiding from yourself is
that you feel a lot of resentment.
Because you also feelforgotten, overlooked, skipped
over, and underappreciated.
Liz kind of connects back to number twowhen you're like waiting for the right
moment and for somebody to choose you.
That third one I feel like is so intense.
(29:04):
You feel a lot of like resentment.
Let me just say that again.
Like you feel a lot ofresentment because you feel for.
Overlooked, skipped overand underappreciated.
You're basically waiting for peopleto recognize all that you do.
Waiting for someone to say, good job,waiting for an award, waiting for praise,
and you just feel really angry, upset.
(29:26):
I think resentment isjust like the best word.
You just feel a lot of resentment cuzyou're like, what the fuck people?
Why can't you see my brilliance?
Why can't you see my excellence?
But then you're so head down, doingwork, hiding behind your work, hiding
behind your titles, hiding behindwhatever else that you don't step out.
(29:47):
And then just give yourself that.
Ooh, I don't know if this is making sense.
Let me know.
Um, send me a message onInstagram @CassandraTLe and
let's talk about this last.
But for me, those arethe three biggest signs.
Let me repeat that one more time andthen I'm gonna get into, uh, what to do
when you're ready to actually stop whenyou are ready to actually stop hiding.
(30:09):
So the three biggest signs you'rehiding from yourself is, number
one, you're doing a lot of planning,ideating, and brainstorming.
Um, you're reading, educating yourself,watching, learning without taking
action because you feel like youhave to continue, continue, continue.
Continue.
Consum.
Number two is that you arewaiting for the right moment.
An opportunity like you'rewaiting for a sign, you're waiting
for somebody to choose you.
(30:30):
You're waiting for someoneto tell you it's okay.
You're waiting for permission.
If you need the permissionand you're listening to this.
Permission granted.
But also know that you really don't needmy permission cuz like I'm just a person
on the internet in your headphones.
Hello.
Uh, and the last one is you feel a lotof resentment because you also feel
forgotten, overlooked, skipped over, andunderappreciated because you're waiting
(30:52):
for someone to recognize all that you do.
You're waiting for someoneto say, good job, waiting for
an award, waiting for praise.
And I, of course, I wannagive you your flowers.
I wanna say I see thework that you're doing.
I know that you're putting inwork, but you don't need me.
You don't need me to say this to you.
You already know and you don'tneed anybody else to say it to you.
(31:15):
Now this goes back to like thepoint I said before, like, what
if we actually gave ourself thatacceptance, love, and belonging
that we are looking to outsource?
What if we did that?
Y'all.
We would be out there and doing all thethings that we want to be doing instead
of just waiting for somebody to say,it's okay, Cassandra, you can do it now.
Like, I see you.
(31:35):
Good job.
Yeah, it feels good.
Of course, like everybody wantsto be acknowledged and recognized,
but like what happens when weare waiting for that too much?
Like we're waiting too much for theacknowledgement and the recognition.
What do we just gave it to?
So those are the three biggestsigns you're hiding from yourself.
Now, if you are ready to stop hiding,um, I'm gonna share some tactical
things and then some mindset stuff.
(31:57):
There are three things.
One is mindset.
One is tactical and one is action.
The first one is mindset.
So, If you are ready to stop hidingfrom yourself, first thing that I
recommend is to make a list of allyour accomplishments and great things
you've done as proof that when youstop hiding, you can do amazing things.
Something that I always teach my clientsis, um, I create a Kind Words for Hard
(32:21):
Days folder on my laptop with justa whole bunch of screenshots of like
testimonials, kind messages, fun thingsthat like just make me feel good that
I've seen on the internet, but also frommy clients, from community members, from,
I don't know, peers messages that arejust like, oh you, this post inspired me.
(32:41):
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
And like I screenshot all of that, keep itin a Kind Words for Hard Day's folder when
I'm feeling sad, which was like literallythe other day, I open that folder and I
read all of it to just remind myself thatI've done some pretty awesome things.
So that's number one.
Make a list of all your accomplishmentsand great things, or you can make
a kind words for hard days folder.
Number two.
(33:02):
This is a little bit more tactical.
What I recommend is I love journaling,so I'm not gonna say journal because
I know everybody journals differently.
But something that I do recommend isdrawing a brain dump, brain dump mind map
of how you want each area of your lifeto feel like not look like, feel like.
How I like to do this is like,I don't know if you all did
(33:24):
like brainstorming cloud maps.
I don't remember what they're called.
I guess a brain dump, brain map.
I don't know.
I call it a mind map.
So I do a circle in the middleof the page, like a white page,
and I put my name in the middle.
Put a circle around it.
And then I, I draw five prongsthat go out for physical, mental,
(33:44):
emotional, spiritual, and financial.
And then I write a bunch of wordsto describe how it feels to me.
Um, I like to keep it broad.
Sometimes I'll write thingslike, I want my physical space to
feel joyful, spacious, colorful,but try not to go so specific.
I don't put, oh, I want five paintingsand, you know, fresh flowers every day.
(34:06):
I just, Feelings.
And from there that kind ofhelps me, like imagine and vision
what I want when I'm not hiding.
And that helps me move intoactually taking action.
Which takes us to the third step, I guess,is action, share, share it with the world.
(34:27):
You don't have to share your mind map,uh, brain dump with the world, but maybe
you can share the idea that you have.
Maybe you can share one of like, the,the accomplishments or achievements
that you've had, or maybe you can justshare, you know, what you feel great at.
Uh, something that I've actually talkedabout in a previous mastermind group that
(34:47):
we hosted was answering the question,what are you fucking fabulous at?
Share that, share that with the world.
You can publish it online.
You can tell someone, uh, youcan make it seen in other.
I just recommend taking all ofthat out of your head or journal
or the deepest crevices of yourdreams and show it to someone.
(35:08):
Show it to someone, while alsodetaching from their opinions,
their thoughts and their judgments.
That's what I recommend.
So let me read it again.
Three things to do to.
Stop hiding from yourself.
It's mindset, tactical in action.
The first one is making a list of allyour accomplishments and great things
that you've done as proof that when youstop hiding, you can do amazing things.
(35:31):
Number two, it's more tactical.
Draw a brain, dump mind map ofhow you want each area of your
life to feel like that would be.
Physical, mental, emotional,spiritual, and financial.
And then number three, action.
Share it with the world.
Publish it online.
Tell someone, make it seen.
Show it someone while also detachingfrom their own opinions and thoughts.
(35:52):
That was a lot.
Lemme just pause and just say, if you didthis, awesome, you did the damn thing.
Be your biggest hype person.
Now I'm gonna wrap up this podcastepisode by sharing not just three
steps, but actually two journalingprompts I like to share with my
clients and that I've used for myself.
When you need a little bitmore of a push to stop.
(36:16):
So the first one is, the firstjournaling prompt actually is why
are you so afraid of yourself?
Every time I say that, I,I always get goosebumps.
So number one is, why areyou so afraid of yourself?
Number two, what magic does yourcreativity or ideas bring into the world?.
(36:39):
And cuz I have an extra journalingprompt, I will share it with you all too.
What if you didn't need to beaccepted by others, but you
could accept and love yourself?
What would life look likethen and what would you do?
Let me read those all again andfeel free to journal on them.
If you wanna share what cameup for you, send me a message
(37:00):
on Instagram @CassandraTLe.
But the, uh, two plus extrajournaling prompts are, number one,
why are you so afraid of yourself?
Number two, what magic does yourcreativity or ideas bring into the world?
And the extra (37:17):
what if you didn't need to be accepted by others, but
you could accept and love yourself?
What would life look likethen and what would you.
That was like three in one,but we're gonna go with it.
And that's, that's all I've gotto Y'all- hiding from yourself.
Ooh.
Stop waiting.
No one's coming.
(37:38):
You don't need my permission.
Yeah.
What if you gave yourself thatacceptance, love, and belonging
that you are outsourcing right now?
What would happen then?
Let me know if you want to send me amessage on Instagram @CassandraTLe.
Or think about it.
If you feel comfortable, I wouldlove to chat about it with you
(37:59):
some more, and if not, then Iwill see you in the next episode.
All right, stay fierce fam.
If you're hearing this message, that meansyou made it to the end of this episode.
Yay.
Thanks for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode andthought to yourself, wove it to me,
I'd love if you could share thiswith others, post about it on social
(38:20):
media and or leave a rating and.
Don't forget to subscribeto, wanna hang out with me in
other areas of the internet?
You can follow me onInstagram @CassandraTLe.
For brand message and content marketingtips and resources, check out my
business @The QuirkyPineappleStudio.
Thanks again and seeyou in the next episode.
Safe your spam.
Waiting for the right moment.
An opportunity waiting for somebodyto give you permission is hiding.
It's hiding because nobody's coming.
Hello.
Hello everyone.
I'm Cassandra Le, and you'relistening to I'm lost, so what?
The podcast exploring betweenbelonging and carving your own path
for all the peeps out there who kindof know what you're doing, but still
(00:21):
question what the fuck is going on?
Yeah, I'm with you.
Hello.
Hello and welcome to the, I'm lost.
So what podcast?
This is your host, Cassandra, but todaySassy Cassie is coming back and we are
talking about hiding from ourselves.
So what does this actually mean?
This might sound like some, likea bunch of personal development
(00:45):
empowering mumbo jumbo, but bear withme because it is about to get real in
here, or maybe I am hyping this up forno reason, but stick with me y'all.
So, hiding from ourselves meansfearing our voice, fearing our
ideas and opinions, and it's alack of self-trust and confidence.
So in this episode, I'm gonna talka little bit about what hiding from
(01:08):
ourselves actually looks like, whyI think we hide from ourselves and
then go into some of the examplesfrom my life, some of the examples
from my client's lives, and then alsoexamples from just like Life, life.
And then of course, I love ending eachepisode with some hard-hitting questions
(01:30):
and maybe some journaling prompts.
So I'm gonna share three biggestsigns you're hiding from yourself,
what to do when you're ready toactually stop hiding from yourself.
And then two of my favorite journalingprompts that I share with my own
clients to kind of help them moveout of hiding from themselves.
So, come hang, Sassy Cassie'sback and let's get into it.
(01:54):
So I already mentioned what hidingfrom ourselves actually means.
And in my opinion, hiding fromourselves means that we fear our voice.
So actually using our voice, um,speaking up, saying something, sharing
our opinions, uh, for me this alwayslooks like being afraid to share how
I'm actually feeling emotions fearingour ideas and opinions, and it's a
(02:17):
lack of self-confidence and trust.
And how does this actually impactnot just us, but our communities?
So what happens, I personally think,is that when we are hiding from
ourselves, we end up resenting ourselvesbecause we're not saying something.
So if you listen to, I think it's episodetwo of this podcast where I'm talking
about three existential questions to askyourself before you get more visible.
(02:42):
Almost like this bodily feelingof holding back a cough.
And that's kind of how I think alsohiding looks like, so when we hide from
ourselves, we end up resenting ourselvesand that bleeds into our community
because we end up resenting the community.
We lack boundaries and confidence,and then we outsource a lot of our
(03:05):
validation and our responsibilitiesonto somebody else because we're like
waiting for somebody to like give usa permission or something like that.
And like that just ends up creating likethis very weird relationship dynamic,
I believe, where resentment comes in.
And then this is thefeeling of like being lost.
(03:25):
That we actually don't want this.
I know this podcast iscalled I'm Lost, so what?
But it's like an empower, not an- I hatethe word empowering, but it's like this
feeling of being lost and like findingpossibilities and opportunities in it.
And I feel like when we are hidingourselves, that's the feeling of loss
that we actually don't want becausethat's the feeling when you're like,
(03:46):
oh, life is just floating on by andI'm kind of just along for the ride
instead of deciding on your own.
So of course, before we dive into likehiding and examples and all of that, I
want to definitely acknowledge that thereis a lot of privilege in not hiding, for
example, like within the identities thatwe hold, the cultures that we live in.
(04:08):
Um, thinking about that sometimes it's.
Regarding our own safety when we hide,and I get it, that sometimes like
not hiding is just not safe for you.
Whether that is physically, emotionally,mentally, spiritually, whatever else.
If this is the case, if like hiding isactually safer for you than not hiding.
(04:34):
My recommendation is to look at thecommunities and networks that you're
actually part of and where can youstop hiding just a little bit more?
And this could be like within yourinner circle with your friends or
with like somebody that you feelreally safe with, uh, somebody
that you actually really trust.
That's where I would kind of pushyou to see if you can stop hiding
(04:55):
there just a little bit more.
And before we kind of like jump intonot hiding, I want to like definitely
recommend that you have a communityor network to support you when you
do or find like a therapist, coach,mentor, uh, to support you when you stop
hiding because I feel like it's such ashock, especially like, you know, when
(05:20):
we've been conditioned to hide or likeassimilate or, you know, just try and
fit in, especially in a world that likedoesn't want people who are, who have
like underrepresented um, identities orthings like that, the world basically
wants us to hide, and I always recommendhaving a community or network to support
you when you decide to kind of likestop hiding because it's important.
(05:44):
Okay, so I don't- before diving intothe rest of this stuff, I don't wanna
talk about this just from a personaldevelopment and empowering perspective.
Like I said before, Ireally hate that word.
Instead, I really wanna talk about itfrom the feeling of lack, of self-trust,
self-love and self-awareness becausewe're so afraid of ourselves and everyone
(06:06):
else that we choose to hide instead.
So we're going like deeper than Ithink what most people talk about
because like usually when I see.
Personal branding or likeinspiring quotes on Instagram.
A lot of the times they're kind of justtalking about like, don't give your
power away and like empower yourselfand like feel confident and all of that.
(06:27):
But I'm gonna flip it and I wanna talkabout like this very real feeling of.
Oh, this lack, I feel, um, and I'mtalking about this like from my personal
perspective, for me, when I was strugglingwith like hiding a lot, it was because
I had so much lack of self-trustand self-love and self-awareness
that I was so afraid of myself.
(06:50):
Like I was terrified of likethe things that I could do and.
That sounds funny tosay, but it, it's true.
I was so terrified of like my potentialthat I decided let me just coast on
by because it's way easier to coastthan to actually put in the work
(07:10):
and like, like out the potentialthat I have, and why do I actually
think that we hide from ourselves?
I think there are aboutthree reasons here.
The first one is because of culture, and Ifeel like it's because we live in a world
that favors dominant culture, of course.
Um, it favors white people.
(07:31):
It favors able-bodied people.
It favors people who are neurotypical,skinny bodies, rich people,
young people in their prime.
And for women that's ages 16to like 35 or maybe less if you
don't fall within that range.
And if you're not like a cisheterosexual white male most of the
time, the world does not favor you.
So I get it.
Like when we don't fit in, whatwe try to do is we assimilate and
(07:55):
coming from somebody who is a firstgeneration Vietnamese American
assimilating is like survival.
And we assimilate so we can getpraise, we can get recognized.
We can get chosen.
I think we assimilate.
So we fit in, we belong.
We feel like we wanna get invited to.
And assimilation, although yes,it is survival, it is also hiding
(08:19):
because what we've seen is the worldwill, will reward us when we're more
like X, Y, Z instead of A, B, C.
So that's like the culture aspectbecause people or our society
just favors dominant culture.
The systems favor dominant culture.
Everything favors dominant culture.
People who are not dominant culture arekind of like brushed to the side or.
(08:42):
What do we do?
We, we assimilate.
And then the, there's the conceptof identity and I feel like when we
hide ourselves, so this might geta little bit meta here, but I feel
like when we are hiding ourselveswe like hide behind our identities.
So lemme explain that.
I wrote down in my notes herelike why question who you are
(09:04):
when you're ever changing.
And this is something that I've actuallyrun into with a couple of my clients when
we talk about like their brand identity orthe message of their business, sometimes
they push back with this thought of,well, why do I have to define my message?
Why do I have to definelike what I am or who I am?
(09:26):
Because I am ever changing?
And this is the paradoxof identity I believe.
Because I believe identity.
Is helpful because one, it givesus language to kind of describe
like who we are, what we like, um,how we operate and all that stuff.
But then it becomes a hindrance to our owngreatness and possibilities because we've
(09:49):
actually boxed ourselves in, so we hide.
This is what I've seen.
We hide behind our identitieslike small business owner, sibling
parents, ceo, X, Y, Z, whatever it is.
Um, if you've listened to episodefour of the I'm lost, so what?
podcast, I actually go into this whereI was talking about rest in peace to
(10:09):
the me I learned to love, and I talkabout how I hid behind the identity
of being a small business owner fora really long time because I was
actually really scared to like openmyself up to deeper relationships
other than just business ones.
And so I feel like when we are sotied into our identity, we hide
(10:29):
behind titles, age, gender, et cetera.
And we also, if we don't define ourselvesas well, this is like a very nuanced
conversation, I feel like I can't fullycapture it in just like one episode.
This might have to be like a whole otherepisode itself, but I do feel like one,
if you over define yourself, then youare hiding behind this like identity
(10:56):
title that you've created for yourself.
And then if you don't understandmore about your identity than you
are hiding behind you know, the fearof actually knowing and like putting
a name or something to like who youare and understanding yourself more.
(11:17):
So there's like this littlegray area in between.
Of course the I'm lost, so what-ersmight know of like, this is it.
This is the Twilight Zone thatI always keep talking about.
So instead of hiding behind, Theseidentities, if you are leaning
really hard into like ceo, leader,manager, director, or even like
(11:38):
somebody who says, oh, I'm, I'm lazy.
Or, you know, I won't ever know.
Or, you know, I'm too late to the game.
Instead of hiding behind these identities,what if we actually opened it to
bring more fluidity to the question?
More gray space, more Twilight Zone.
So if you don't know what theTwilight Zone is, I talked about it
(11:59):
in episode four of the podcast Restand Peace to the Me I learned to love.
I define it as, This space whereinfinite possibilities, creativity,
and like opportunities exist becauseyou're like right in the middle.
And that's kind of what thiswhole podcast is about, right?
Like living in that twilight zoneand not living in the twilight
(12:20):
zone to let life pass you by.
But living in that twilightzone because you occupy a space.
Infinite creativityand possibility exists.
So that's like the identity piece.
The last one is the feeling ofacceptance, love and belonging.
And no one wants to feel likethey don't belong, right?
Like in, in my business, The QuirkyPineapple Studio and with our
(12:43):
clients, uh, we take them througha process to understand like, the
why of their brand and business.
And then we take it one stepfurther to get to the actual core
emotion of, uh, their brand messageand their business as a whole.
And this core emotion, Ithink, is deeper than the why.
It actually humanizes the brand andit brings a culturally competent
(13:06):
and liberatory lens to it.
It also allows us to think interms of real human interaction
instead of numbers and goals.
And the reason why I'm breaking this upis because I feel like this acceptance,
love, and belonging, um, is actuallyreally integral to what I do in my.
Our core emotion at The QuirkyPineapple Studio is love, and it's
(13:27):
not like we go around and say, we loveyou, you belong here, et cetera, et
cetera in our marketing or content.
You probably won't ever see the wordlove in our website copy, but instead
we use this as a grounding emotionfor everything we create, because I
believe when you feel love, you feelaccepted, and you feel like you belong.
And that's what I believe in both senses,both personally and within community.
(13:51):
If you have love for yourself, wouldwe actually need to seek out and search
for love or acceptance in others?
In my opinion, no.
If we had love for ourselves,would we be so afraid and hide
from our ideas, creativity and art?
In my opinion, no.
And if we had love from thecommunity, would we feel the need
(14:13):
to judge, criticize or exclude?
Again, in my opinion.
No, but I think the reason why we hidefrom ourselves and others is because it's
easier to blame and look for outside, lookfor outside acceptance, love and belonging
than it is to work on it for ourselves.
And those are like the three reasonswhy I think we hide from ourselves.
(14:34):
One, it's like culturally,again, the systems that we live
in favor dominant cultures.
So of course we hide and assimilatebecause we want to fit in.
We want to belong, we want.
Feel accepted and like getopportunities and get jobs and do stuff.
We don't wanna feel like excluded,hate in all of those other things.
I think the second thing is our identity,because either we over define ourselves
(14:59):
and kind of like hide behind thatidentity, or we don't define ourselves
and then are just like floating on by.
And then the third thing isacceptance, love and belonging.
Like we hide because wewant to feel accepted.
We hide because we want to feel love.
We hide because we want to feel likewe belong and like we're basically
(15:20):
waiting for somebody to give that to us.
When in actuality, I feel like ifwe gave it to ourselves, then it
would be more difficult to blameand look for it outside of ourselves
and we could give it to ourselves.
Like if we gave.
That acceptance, love and belonging.
(15:42):
What's really stopping us?
What, where are we actually hiding?
So when we actually hide from ourselves,I feel like a lot of the times, clearly
I've journaled on this like quite a bit.
Uh, I feel like when we hide fromourselves, a lot of people that
I've talked to, clients, friends,peers, colleagues, community
members, there's this fear ofisolation that always comes up.
(16:05):
You know, like, oh, I, I'm afraid thatI'll push people away, or I'm afraid that
nobody will want to be around me becauselike, I don't know, shine too bright.
I don't know.
Whatever it is.
And I actually believe that alot of people choose to hide
because this is what they tell me.
They're afraid of being rejected.
They are afraid of not belonging.
They don't wanna be judged or criticized,and they don't want to be alone.
(16:28):
And all of that actually manifestsitself into a fear of isolation
and those other things, rejection,not belonging, being judged, being
criticized, don't want to be alone.
Is a fear of isolation.
And some of the examples in mylife end up looking like, oh, I'm
afraid of being isolated, so letme consume a lot of content to
(16:50):
feel like I, I'm part of something.
I'm afraid of isolation, so let me waitfor someone to recognize and choose me,
because if I choose myself, I'm basicallylike isolating myself by positioning
myself as like, I'm better, or somebody'sgonna think like I'm trying to be the it
thing when that just ends up being toointense and then I hide for myself when
(17:17):
I procrastinate, I can't, this usuallylooks like I'm putting things off.
I'm waiting until the last minute, I'mrushing and I'm not being intentional.
And that can be isolating in its ownway because I really feel like, oh,
I end up kind of like victimizingmyself because I'm like, oh my gosh,
(17:40):
like I like, oh, this is so hard.
Like, oh my goodness, I can't believeI have to do this and blah, blah, blah.
When I could have taken thatcontrol from the beginning and.
You know, not actually hide.
So those are some examples inmy own life of like how I've
actually hidden from myself.
(18:01):
Uh, let me share some examples of whatit looks like in my client's lives.
So my clients at The QuirkyPineapple Studio, they are
thought leaders, personal brands.
They are the owners of small businesses.
They run uh, small tomedium sized businesses.
They want to really build moreof their community and position
(18:24):
them, uh, themselves as experts intheir field, in their industries.
So I've got three examples.
There are more, but these are likethe most common that I run into with
clients at The Quirky Pineapple Studio.
The first one is holding onto oldidentity stories and messages.
So they actually endup hiding behind that.
So when we work together, most ofthe time it is to kind of pivot their
(18:47):
current message and their current,like business services and whatever,
because they want to kind of move intoa new realm of their business or open
up a new, uh, branch to their business.
And what ends up happening is they cometo me, they have this idea of wanting
to change, but then they hold onto oldidentity stories and messages because
that's what's worked in the past.
(19:10):
They're in this middle of, oh,this has worked in the past,
so why would I let it go?
But they feel like they getheld back by again, this old
identity story and message.
So they're caught in the middle of,do I let go of something that has been
working for me and venture into unknownterritory, but I know this is working,
(19:31):
but then I'm also feeling held back by it.
It's that same sensation that I wastalking about in episode of the podcast,
like I, I had to let go of a certainidentity that I held onto for a really
long time and an identity that gotme to where I am today, but then was
hurting me in the end because it wasn'taligned to my values, it wasn't aligned
to like the person that I wanted to be.
(19:52):
It was actually causing meto feel burnt out and tired.
And that's kind of what our clientsalso go . When we work on personal
branding, they hold onto an old identitystory and message, and this could be
something that you might be going through.
Are you holding onto an old identity storyor message that no longer serves you?
You're holding onto it because that'swhat's been working in the past, but then
(20:12):
you also at the same time feel held backby it, but you're kind of deciding when
do I let go and what am I letting go?
So that's the first example.
The second one is that they actuallyfeel totally cringe when it comes
to sharing their story and messagebecause they don't want to be
a, an influencer, quote unquote,online that sells their lifestyle.
(20:35):
So I just wanna make it clear that thismight be another episode, but building a
personal brand is another business modeland influencing is another business model.
Like y'all.
These are two different things that canbring you economic and social capital, but
like influencing is not necessarily bad.
(20:58):
It's gotten a bad rap because of theway like internet, social media has run.
But if you wanna build a personalbrand that is like a different
business model than if you wantto build a service-based business,
you can have both at the same time.
Of course, like.
You have it.
I'm not saying you can't, but youdo have to differentiate because one
(21:19):
will sell a certain type of thing ina certain type of way to a specific
audience, and then the other, whicheverone you decide, that one has a different
business model, different audience, anddifferent marketing and sales tactics.
So I just wanna say that you are notcringe when it comes to sharing your
story or your message just becauseyou don't wanna be an influencer.
(21:40):
The way the internet is running,the way people consume content, the
way people consume social media.
We are not just buying from adsanymore, y'all like, it requires a
little bit more human connection.
And a lot of our clients run into thisidea of, oh gosh, I'm such like cringe.
(22:01):
I don't wanna be an influencer.
And it's really hurting you because whatends up happening is you hide behind your.
Um, and that takes me actually to thethird example, is that because they
feel totally cringe when it comesto sharing their story and message
and like more about themselves.
They hide behind their work, liketheir work will speak for them.
And that is not true.
(22:23):
In one of the newsletters that we sentout for The Quirky Pineapple studio, I
was talking about this actually, thatmost of the time we believe that our
work, if we work really hard and if you.
A black indigenous person of color,you might know this feeling where
somebody has told you work hard andyour work will speak for itself.
Work hard, do good work, and peoplewill notice you work hard, do good work,
(22:46):
and someone will like say, thank you.
Somebody will recognize you.
You will be chosen.
And that doesn't workreally because it's false.
It's false because we liveunder a capitalist, racist,
sexist, ableist society.
And when we believe these things.
(23:08):
It's only true if you are in dominantculture because that means you basically
have to hide a lot of yourself and thenthink that you're gonna get chosen because
you're just producing really good work.
And under capitalism,you're just producing.
And when you don't produce goodwork, then you won't get chosen.
(23:30):
Nobody will recognize you.
Nobody will say thank you.
Nobody will give you your praise,and as Miley Iris says, you
know, she buys her own flowers.
Nobody will give you your flowers.
You have to do it for yourselfbecause your work will not
necessarily speak for yourself.
Of course.
I'm not saying like, don't do good work.
Do good work.
You all like know your stuff, do thegood work, but your work will not
(23:53):
speak for you, uh, not in like thecurrent system that we live in and
not especially in the current socialmedia climate that we have and like the
content marketing climate or the personalbranding or just like world we live in.
If you want to build a personal brandor thought leadership or if you wanna
step out and just be a leader and nothide anymore, You have to take this
(24:14):
however way you want it, but in myopinion, I really believe like you
cannot hide behind your work because youhave to go out there and hype yourself
up because nobody will do it for you.
So I just wanna share like alot of these examples, Yeah,
they came from my own life.
They came from my client's lives.
But it doesn't just apply to people whowant to be creators or business owners
(24:35):
or thought leaders or whatever else.
It can apply to you.
If you work in a company,it can be applied to you.
If you are a community leader, itcan apply to you within your like
family life thinking about your story.
And your message isn't justfor somebody who is a thought.
A creator, a social media influencer, apodcaster, a YouTuber, whatever it is,
(24:58):
thinking that you're nothing special, andjust another one in a sea of millions.
True story.
Those are actually wordsthat one of our clients said.
Is hurting you, and it is hidingyou from the real connection and
community that you could be buildingbecause you are hiding from yourself.
Let me take a breather because I'mlike getting riled up over here.
(25:19):
Oh.
So now that we, we went throughall of that, let me just
share the, um, examples again.
So, in my own life, it looks likeI was consuming a lot of content.
I was waiting for someoneto recognize and choose me.
I was procrastinating in my client'slives, this looks like they are holding
onto old identity stories and messagesbecause that's what's worked in the
past, but then feeling held back bythem, it is feeling totally cringe
(25:42):
when it comes to sharing their storyand message because they don't want
to be an influencer and then becausethey don't wanna be an influencer.
They end up hiding behind their work.
Like their work will speak for themselves.
They end up trying to do like 500 timesput in, 500% just to get somebody else to
notice and recognize them instead of likegoing out there and, you know, claiming
(26:08):
all of these good things for themselves.
So those are the examples, but nowlet's talk about the three biggest
signs you are hiding from yourself.
These are a little bit different.
So the first one that I see very oftenin not just my clients, but in like.
Literally everyday people isyou're doing a lot of planning,
(26:29):
ideating and brainstorming.
So this looks like you're reading,educating, watching, learning,
without actually taking actionbecause you think it's already been
done and there's no reason to do it.
Or you think, oh, I need tolearn and like idiot brainstorm
plan more before I actually am.
(26:52):
That's number one.
Just wanna let you all know now, if you'rein this stage, you'll never be ready.
Take it in.
It's okay.
I had to learn it.
You'll never be ready and that's okay.
Okay.
Number two, waiting for theright moment and opportunity.
That's basically what I just saidto number one, but with a twist.
Like you're waiting for asign or something is going
to come and tell you that.
(27:14):
You know, everything is okay.
You can do it now.
You're waiting for permission.
Uh, you want all the cards to beperfect before you make your move.
You want to have everythingmapped out again.
Really, you'll never know.
And waiting for the right moment andopportunity, waiting for somebody
to give you permission is hiding.
It's hiding because nobody's coming.
(27:35):
It's kind of sad, but not reallybecause if you think about it,
when I, what I talked about in thebeginning of this episode about, you
know, how we outsource this feelingor how we outsource the need to feel
accepted, loved, and like we belong.
If we gave that to ourselves, we wouldn'thave to wait for anybody to give it to.
(27:58):
If we, sometimes, like when I repeatthis stuff, I'm like, damn, goosebumps.
But if we gave ourself the love,acceptance, and belonging that we crave
from others, we wouldn't have to wait.
We wouldn't have to have people choose us.
We could go out there andfucking choose ourselves.
(28:19):
That's pretty cool.
And when we choose ourselves, thatgives us the opportunity to show others
that they can choose themselves to,anyways, I'm gonna head it for myself.
So number two is waitingfor someone to choose you.
Praise you, give you thepermission, and it's basically
waiting for the right moment.
And opportunity number one wasthat you're just doing a lot of
planning, ideating, and brainstormingwithout actually taking action.
(28:42):
And number three, the biggest signyou are hiding from yourself is
that you feel a lot of resentment.
Because you also feelforgotten, overlooked, skipped
over, and underappreciated.
Liz kind of connects back to number twowhen you're like waiting for the right
moment and for somebody to choose you.
That third one I feel like is so intense.
(29:04):
You feel a lot of like resentment.
Let me just say that again.
Like you feel a lot ofresentment because you feel for.
Overlooked, skipped overand underappreciated.
You're basically waiting for peopleto recognize all that you do.
Waiting for someone to say, good job,waiting for an award, waiting for praise,
and you just feel really angry, upset.
(29:26):
I think resentment isjust like the best word.
You just feel a lot of resentment cuzyou're like, what the fuck people?
Why can't you see my brilliance?
Why can't you see my excellence?
But then you're so head down, doingwork, hiding behind your work, hiding
behind your titles, hiding behindwhatever else that you don't step out.
(29:47):
And then just give yourself that.
Ooh, I don't know if this is making sense.
Let me know.
Um, send me a message onInstagram @CassandraTLe and
let's talk about this last.
But for me, those arethe three biggest signs.
Let me repeat that one more time andthen I'm gonna get into, uh, what to do
when you're ready to actually stop whenyou are ready to actually stop hiding.
(30:09):
So the three biggest signs you'rehiding from yourself is, number
one, you're doing a lot of planning,ideating, and brainstorming.
Um, you're reading, educating yourself,watching, learning without taking
action because you feel like youhave to continue, continue, continue.
Continue.
Consum.
Number two is that you arewaiting for the right moment.
An opportunity like you'rewaiting for a sign, you're waiting
for somebody to choose you.
(30:30):
You're waiting for someoneto tell you it's okay.
You're waiting for permission.
If you need the permissionand you're listening to this.
Permission granted.
But also know that you really don't needmy permission cuz like I'm just a person
on the internet in your headphones.
Hello.
Uh, and the last one is you feel a lotof resentment because you also feel
forgotten, overlooked, skipped over, andunderappreciated because you're waiting
(30:52):
for someone to recognize all that you do.
You're waiting for someoneto say, good job, waiting for
an award, waiting for praise.
And I, of course, I wannagive you your flowers.
I wanna say I see thework that you're doing.
I know that you're putting inwork, but you don't need me.
You don't need me to say this to you.
You already know and you don'tneed anybody else to say it to you.
(31:15):
Now this goes back to like thepoint I said before, like, what
if we actually gave ourself thatacceptance, love, and belonging
that we are looking to outsource?
What if we did that?
Y'all.
We would be out there and doing all thethings that we want to be doing instead
of just waiting for somebody to say,it's okay, Cassandra, you can do it now.
Like, I see you.
(31:35):
Good job.
Yeah, it feels good.
Of course, like everybody wantsto be acknowledged and recognized,
but like what happens when weare waiting for that too much?
Like we're waiting too much for theacknowledgement and the recognition.
What do we just gave it to?
So those are the three biggestsigns you're hiding from yourself.
Now, if you are ready to stop hiding,um, I'm gonna share some tactical
things and then some mindset stuff.
(31:57):
There are three things.
One is mindset.
One is tactical and one is action.
The first one is mindset.
So, If you are ready to stop hidingfrom yourself, first thing that I
recommend is to make a list of allyour accomplishments and great things
you've done as proof that when youstop hiding, you can do amazing things.
Something that I always teach my clientsis, um, I create a Kind Words for Hard
(32:21):
Days folder on my laptop with justa whole bunch of screenshots of like
testimonials, kind messages, fun thingsthat like just make me feel good that
I've seen on the internet, but also frommy clients, from community members, from,
I don't know, peers messages that arejust like, oh you, this post inspired me.
(32:41):
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
And like I screenshot all of that, keep itin a Kind Words for Hard Day's folder when
I'm feeling sad, which was like literallythe other day, I open that folder and I
read all of it to just remind myself thatI've done some pretty awesome things.
So that's number one.
Make a list of all your accomplishmentsand great things, or you can make
a kind words for hard days folder.
Number two.
(33:02):
This is a little bit more tactical.
What I recommend is I love journaling,so I'm not gonna say journal because
I know everybody journals differently.
But something that I do recommend isdrawing a brain dump, brain dump mind map
of how you want each area of your lifeto feel like not look like, feel like.
How I like to do this is like,I don't know if you all did
(33:24):
like brainstorming cloud maps.
I don't remember what they're called.
I guess a brain dump, brain map.
I don't know.
I call it a mind map.
So I do a circle in the middleof the page, like a white page,
and I put my name in the middle.
Put a circle around it.
And then I, I draw five prongsthat go out for physical, mental,
(33:44):
emotional, spiritual, and financial.
And then I write a bunch of wordsto describe how it feels to me.
Um, I like to keep it broad.
Sometimes I'll write thingslike, I want my physical space to
feel joyful, spacious, colorful,but try not to go so specific.
I don't put, oh, I want five paintingsand, you know, fresh flowers every day.
(34:06):
I just, Feelings.
And from there that kind ofhelps me, like imagine and vision
what I want when I'm not hiding.
And that helps me move intoactually taking action.
Which takes us to the third step, I guess,is action, share, share it with the world.
(34:27):
You don't have to share your mind map,uh, brain dump with the world, but maybe
you can share the idea that you have.
Maybe you can share one of like, the,the accomplishments or achievements
that you've had, or maybe you can justshare, you know, what you feel great at.
Uh, something that I've actually talkedabout in a previous mastermind group that
(34:47):
we hosted was answering the question,what are you fucking fabulous at?
Share that, share that with the world.
You can publish it online.
You can tell someone, uh, youcan make it seen in other.
I just recommend taking all ofthat out of your head or journal
or the deepest crevices of yourdreams and show it to someone.
(35:08):
Show it to someone, while alsodetaching from their opinions,
their thoughts and their judgments.
That's what I recommend.
So let me read it again.
Three things to do to.
Stop hiding from yourself.
It's mindset, tactical in action.
The first one is making a list of allyour accomplishments and great things
that you've done as proof that when youstop hiding, you can do amazing things.
(35:31):
Number two, it's more tactical.
Draw a brain, dump mind map ofhow you want each area of your
life to feel like that would be.
Physical, mental, emotional,spiritual, and financial.
And then number three, action.
Share it with the world.
Publish it online.
Tell someone, make it seen.
Show it someone while also detachingfrom their own opinions and thoughts.
(35:52):
That was a lot.
Lemme just pause and just say, if you didthis, awesome, you did the damn thing.
Be your biggest hype person.
Now I'm gonna wrap up this podcastepisode by sharing not just three
steps, but actually two journalingprompts I like to share with my
clients and that I've used for myself.
When you need a little bitmore of a push to stop.
(36:16):
So the first one is, the firstjournaling prompt actually is why
are you so afraid of yourself?
Every time I say that, I,I always get goosebumps.
So number one is, why areyou so afraid of yourself?
Number two, what magic does yourcreativity or ideas bring into the world?.
(36:39):
And cuz I have an extra journalingprompt, I will share it with you all too.
What if you didn't need to beaccepted by others, but you
could accept and love yourself?
What would life look likethen and what would you do?
Let me read those all again andfeel free to journal on them.
If you wanna share what cameup for you, send me a message
(37:00):
on Instagram @CassandraTLe.
But the, uh, two plus extrajournaling prompts are, number one,
why are you so afraid of yourself?
Number two, what magic does yourcreativity or ideas bring into the world?
And the extra (37:17):
what if you didn't need to be accepted by others, but
you could accept and love yourself?
What would life look likethen and what would you.
That was like three in one,but we're gonna go with it.
And that's, that's all I've gotto Y'all- hiding from yourself.
Ooh.
Stop waiting.
No one's coming.
(37:38):
You don't need my permission.
Yeah.
What if you gave yourself thatacceptance, love, and belonging
that you are outsourcing right now?
What would happen then?
Let me know if you want to send me amessage on Instagram @CassandraTLe.
Or think about it.
If you feel comfortable, I wouldlove to chat about it with you
(37:59):
some more, and if not, then Iwill see you in the next episode.
All right, stay fierce fam.
If you're hearing this message, that meansyou made it to the end of this episode.
Yay.
Thanks for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode andthought to yourself, wove it to me,
I'd love if you could share thiswith others, post about it on social
(38:20):
media and or leave a rating and.
Don't forget to subscribeto, wanna hang out with me in
other areas of the internet?
You can follow me onInstagram @CassandraTLe.
For brand message and content marketingtips and resources, check out my
business @The QuirkyPineappleStudio.
Thanks again and seeyou in the next episode.
Safe your spam.
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