May 8, 2023 • 38 mins
So you want to share more of your story - WE’RE HERE FOR IT! 🎉
The next questions we usually get are…
- What stories should I share?
- How much of my story should I share?
- How do I get over imposter syndrome?
- Will people really care?
In episode 09 of the I’m lost, so what? Podcast, Cassandra dives into ALL the things around storytelling and sharing your message. She answers the questions and shares advice on:
- Why it’s important to share your stories
- Things to watch out for when you start to put yourself out there
- What and how much to share
- And different activities to dive deeper into your own story
If you’ve wanted to share more, share your experiences, and want to put yourself out there and become an active participant in the conversation - this episode is for you.
Work with Cassandra and The Quirky Pineapple Studio on your thought leadership strategy. Get the right words and storytelling structure so you know what to say, where to say it, and when to say it for more industry opportunities. Schedule a Clarity Call here: https://bookme.name/thequirkypineapplestudio/
Connect with Cassandra elsewhere:
- Cassandra’s Personal Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cassandratle/
- The Quirky Pineapple Studio Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thequirkypineapplestudio/
Additional resources mentioned in the episode:
- Ep. 07: “3 obvious signs you’re hiding from yourself” - https://imlostsowhat.podbean.com/e/3-obvious-signs-you-re-hiding-from-yourself/
- Ep. 03: “You’re the brand/niche is toxic AF” - https://imlostsowhat.podbean.com/e/you-re-the-brandniche-is-toxic-af/
- Ep. 02: “3 existential questions to consider if you want to be more visible” - https://imlostsowhat.podbean.com/e/3-existential-questions-to-consider-if-you-want-to-be-more-visible/
- Article “What Trauma Porn Is, and Why It Hurts Black People” - https://themighty.com/topic/mental-health/trauma-porn/
- Cassandra’s TEDx Talk, “How Current Work Culture Recreates Colonial Systems” - https://youtu.be/-QeYXHEf53c
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Sometimes all of us end up tryingto mine our lives for a profit.
(00:03):
It's kind of just the way social mediahas kind of like wired our brains,
like we want to find things to share.
Hello hello everyone.
I'm Cassandra Le and you'relistening to I'm Lost, So What?
The podcast exploring betweenbelonging and carving your own path
for all the peeps out there who kindof know what you're doing, but still
question what the fuck is going on?
(00:25):
Yeah, I'm with you.
Hello, hello and welcome backto the I'm Lost, so what?
Podcast.
This is your host, CassandraLe, and today's conversation,
let's switch it up a little bit.
I am currently recording this in myoffice, in my pajama set and this
(00:45):
conversation, I really want it to be andfeel like a heart to heart conversation.
I'm not trying to callyou out in this episode.
If I do end up calling you out, mybad kind of, I just wanna talk about.
What it's like to actually put yourselfout there and share your story.
So in this episode, we are going to betalking about how much of your story
(01:07):
should you actually share, and inthis episode I'm gonna be going into
why it's important to share things towatch out for as you embark on this
journey of sharing your story, whatto actually share, how much to share,
and some activities and of coursejournaling prompts at the end because
you know, I love sharing that stuff.
(01:28):
So for all the people who have actuallydecided that you want to share more
of your story, I congratulate you.
Whether you feel like you have amessage to share or you want to share
your experience to help others in asimilar situation, or you want to create
because why the fuck not, or even ifyou want to show more of who you are.
Whatever the reason is for wantingto share more of your story
(01:51):
and putting yourself out there.
Again, I congratulate youand I'm excited for you.
I feel like this is a huge step, evenlike admitting it to yourself, whether
you've admitted it to yourself in yourhead, in your journal, or even if you've
said it out loud, this is awesome.
This is like, an exciting journey.
(02:11):
So before we dive into this episode,I do want to share that this is an
ongoing process to figure out how muchof your story to share as we grow and
change and as we experience new things.
So what I'm really trying to sayis bookmark this podcast episode to
listen to in the future, because thisstuff applies at whatever stage of
your storytelling journey you are in.
Really, this is also applied to myclients at The Quirky Pineapple Studio.
(02:35):
This episode really covers the samequestions that people ask me at any
stage of their storytelling journey.
So why is sharing your story, so, hmm,how do I say this important and maybe
important isn't the word, like thereal word that I want to actually say
is, why sharing your story is reallyliberating from my personal experience.
(03:01):
So these are some of the reasonswhy I feel like me putting myself
out there, me sharing my message, mesharing my story is so liberating.
And again, I want to preface this,that I come from a level of privilege
that some people might not have.
And of course for me, this liberationis safe, and it's not so dependent on
(03:26):
like my physical, like I don't feelunsafe physically or anything like
that, maybe in certain situations, but,that's like for a whole other episode.
So why is sharing my storyso liberating for me?
Um, I felt like I was an activeparticipant in the world.
I felt like I had something toreally share and contribute.
(03:47):
I felt like I was finallystanding up for something instead
of just going with the flow.
I feel like this is a big one.
I felt like I had a lot of thingsto say and a lot of things that I
wanted to share, but I was really.
Always too afraid to, I was alwaysscared that I was gonna piss
somebody off, or I was alwaysworried that somebody would judge me.
And when I finally spoke up aboutsomething, when I finally shared my story,
(04:09):
I finally felt like I was standing upfor something because I took a stance.
I actually had an opinion.
It wasn't just, oh yeah, okay, whatever.
I was actually participatingin the conversation.
I also felt like I was seriouslybuilding up a lot of rage and
resentment as well as comparisonitis.
With what was happening in the world.
And when I say rage and resentment, it waslike I was watching things happen and in
(04:36):
my mind, I was forming opinions on themand I was thinking about certain things
critically, I just wouldn't share it, andthen I would feel really angry and a lot
of resentment because I wasn't sharing it.
And it just kind of festered in my body.
So I was looking for ways to share more.
(04:57):
I wanted to be part of the conversation.
I wanted to give my own perspective andexperience, and I really felt like there
was a piece of the conversation missingthat only I could give insight to based
on my personal experiences and knowledge.
Like I would actually get pissed offwhen people wouldn't share a specific
perspective or a specific lens tosomething, because I was like, y'all
(05:18):
are missing part of the conversation.
Like y'all aren't asking thequestions from the other side.
Y'all are missing all of theother potential questions that
you could be talking about.
And I was waiting for peopleto kind of bring those in.
And then I realized nobody's gonna bringthat stuff in because it is based off
of me and my experience, my identities,my stories that bring this opinion in.
(05:40):
And that was kind of likea realization for me.
Again, I also feel like sharing mystory is extremely liberating because
I feel like I'm not hiding anymore.
And what I mean by hiding islike if you've listened to past
episodes on the, I'm Lost, so what?
Podcast actually have an episode that wasreleased a couple weeks ago called Three
(06:01):
Obvious Signs You're Hiding From Yourself.
And that's kind of what I felt like.
I felt like I was always hiding.
I was always kind of likejust playing it safe.
I was.
Doing what I needed to do to get by.
And finally when I started sharingmy story, I felt even more liberated
because I wasn't hiding anymore.
I was actually showing people who Iwas, I was stepping into my values.
(06:24):
I was actually being ableto live out my values.
And that really changedlike my whole perception of.
Sharing my story or not sharing my story.
And then also, I didn't feel so alonein my thoughts and feelings anymore.
And I'm sure if you've consumedinspirational quotes on Instagram
or Pinterest, then you may know thatwhen you share, you feel less alone.
(06:49):
And that's kind of really what happened.
I didn't feel so alone in mythoughts or feelings anymore.
Sharing actually opened me up to buildintentional relationships with people or,
and this is a big, or it helped me buildintentional relationships with people, or
it helped me realize that it was time tolet those people go, which is okay too.
(07:09):
And I really feel like when Istarted sharing my story and
liberating myself from like hidingor expectations or anything else.
I wasn't living a lie.
And disclaimer here, uh, thereare lots of things that I'm still
working through and learning.
So this quote unquote, not givingor not living a lie is relative and
(07:33):
kind of changes with the ebbs andflows of my own understanding of
myself and my own beliefs and values.
But I feel like when I wasn'tsharing my story, I didn't realize
that I was like withholding.
A real part of myself back.
And that was almost like trulyliving a lie because nobody really
got to know the real me becauseI wouldn't share the real me.
(07:57):
I wouldn't share my, like, my opinions.
I wouldn't share my specific values.
I wouldn't contradict what other peoplewere saying because I was too terrified
and, if you think about it, that's livinga lie because you are not giving people
the chance to get to know the real you.
You're just living into what other peopleare expecting, and that's not fair.
(08:22):
That's not fair to them.
And that's not fair to you, mostly notfair to you because, I mean, come on.
Like you're the one living the, the life.
They're not living your life for you.
So that's why I think sharing yourstory is super liberating and very
important from a more like tactical,I guess, standpoint, and if you wanna
talk about marketing and personalbranding and opportunities, sharing
(08:45):
my story has also helped me havedeeper relationships with people.
I said this before, but it's true.
Sharing my story has helped me havedeeper relationships with my clients
at The Quirky Pineapple Studio.
My friends, my partner, my parents,and I wanna be honest that it's really
fucking scary, but really nice to nothold onto something or feel like that
(09:08):
tightness in my chest, like I'm holding mybreath because I'm not sharing my story.
I feel like when I do share my story,I actually get to breathe and I get to
also detach myself from what other peopleexpect because I am living into my values.
Another thing that sharingmy story has helped me to do
(09:31):
is get featured in podcasts.
Not this podcast, I mean this is mine,but get featured in other podcasts,
get featured in articles, asked to be aspeaker, a whole bunch of other different
like opportunities to make deeper impact.
So for example by sharing my story, I wasfeatured in a Forbes article on what it's
(09:52):
like to have a personal brand that helpsyou travel the world by sharing my story.
I was a TEDx speaker in Los Angeles.
I was a speaker at adigital nomad conference.
I was a speaker for other notabledigital marketing things, or what it
was like to be location independent.
None of that would've happened if Ione didn't take through my stories
(10:15):
and understand them and then alsohave the courage to actually share
them, and that's really amazing.
Other things that my story has helpedme to do or be was to grow a community
that feels safe for me, and I feellike that's really, really important.
Yeah cool, like getting featured inForbes, getting podcast interviews,
being a TEDx speaker is like amazing.
(10:37):
Yes.
I can put it on like myresume and my LinkedIn, but.
I think the one thing that is really,really important to me is that I was
able to grow a community that feelssafe for me, and that has allowed me
to connect with people from aroundthe world who share in my story, who
have similar experiences, and thatwe can connect on a way deeper level.
(10:57):
Another thing is that I've made some sortof impact in my community, and this might
sound like arrogant, uh, but it's true.
I do get messages of inspiration andencouragement from people on Instagram.
I've gotten emails from peoplewho have shared that my blog
post really helped them.
I've gotten emails from people whohave heard podcast episodes or you
(11:19):
know taken a class for me or heardmy, one of my speaking engagements
and they reached out afterwards.
And it's funny to think about because youknow, mentioning this, I'm like, that's
not why I decided to share my story.
But that's a really lovely likecause and effect because you really
(11:40):
don't know who relates to your story.
And by sharing it, you'veopened yourself up for that
connection and thinking about it.
Oh, am I gonna cry?
I don't know.
I'm getting teary-eyed over here.
But it's amazing becausethat's the power of stories.
That's the power of your story.
That's pretty cool.
(12:00):
And really, I think a like, theTEDx talk, the opportunities, the
community and all of this stuff.
On a more personal level, I thinksharing my story and getting really
clear on my message and my values,it's just allowed me to live with
more joy, creativity, peace and ease.
(12:22):
And thanks to therapy as well for likeopening up this lens for me to see that
at like in reality, but really like, ifI can live with more joy, creativity,
peace and ease for myself, and I can easemy anxiety, I can ease my overthinking
habits, I can ease, like the storytellingI used to do that was like detrimental
(12:44):
to my mental and emotional health.
That's a win for me.
Y'all like that is a win for me.
So, that's why I really wannatalk about how to share your story
and like what to actually share.
So the next thing that I wanna diveinto is what do you actually need
(13:07):
to watch out for as you start toshare more of your story and message?
And these are some of the things thatI've seen happen with my clients.
Some of the things that I see happenwith my friends, uh, some of the
things that I see happen just withlike community members in general.
So these are things to watchout for as you start to share
more of your story and message.
The first one is like a huge, huge, hugeone, and I call it vulnerability fatigue.
(13:30):
So this is something that myclients at The Quirky Pineapple
Studio go through very, very often.
They feel like they have a whole ass, awhole ass motherfucking story to share
with nuanced layers and all the things.
How can they share all of it?
Like they're wondering, oh mygosh, like my story is so layered.
I've lived like so many different lives.
I've had like different careers.
(13:51):
How am I gonna distill this storyuntil like something that is actually
consumable and relatable to my audience?
And this is when they getvulnerability fatigue.
Because what they've been doing usuallyin the past is they just share their
entire story in like one Instagrampost, or they share their entire story
(14:14):
in like one podcast episode as a guest.
And what usually happens is becausethey're sharing their entire story,
all of the layers, all of the littlethings that go into their story,
the many lives that they've lived,they get vulnerability fatigue.
So they feel like they're alwayschanging and whatever they share
(14:34):
will box them in and they won'tbe able to change in the future.
Or they feel like, oh, I need toshare the whole breadth of my story
because nobody's gonna understand.
And vulnerability fatigueis a very real thing.
For example, in one of our brandmessaging intensives that we offer at
The Quirky Pineapple Studio, we weredoing an exercise with our client and
(14:56):
they, like one of the questions thatwe asked them was, what is your story?
Who are you?
And what they did was they shared thewhole damn thing for about an hour and
at, and then after our session, theyactually took a nap because they were
so tired from rehashing and re-sharing.
All of the things.
So I don't want that for y'all.
I don't want anybody to get vulnrabilityfatigue when they're sharing their
(15:18):
story because that's not sustainableand that's not helpful for anybody.
It's actually quite harmful becausenow you just feel drained of like
literally all of your energy.
So my advice is to notshare your whole damn story.
It's really energetically tiringto do that because that's a lot to
encapsulate in a very short amount oftime, or even in like a short Instagram
(15:41):
caption or social media caption.
You just, you can't do it.
And also, I just wanna remind you thatlike you are a whole ass human with
layers, experiences and all the things youcan't share it all because it's, there's
just the way the communication platformswork, the way social media works, the
way things are created, don't allow us tofully have nuance in our conversations on
(16:07):
Instagram or on Facebook or on a LinkedInpost, or even in an email newsletter.
Well, maybe an email newsletter.
You might be able to get like a littledeeper, but just the way social media
runs, there is no space for nuance andI wouldn't want you to try and like
squeeze the breath of your story and thebreath of your message into something
(16:29):
that just wasn't made to, to hold it.
Like your story is so much bigger.
Why give it all to Instagram?
Why give it all to that 32 second reel?
It's not worth it.
So, I really do think, try andbreak it up into smaller pieces.
Uh, this is getting into more liketactical examples and things, so I'm
gonna say this for the end of theepisode, so when we get into the actual
(16:51):
activities to do, but again, when youget vulnerability fatigue, don't try
and share your whole damn story in onesitting or in one instagram posts or
whatever social media platform you'reusing, it will energetically drain you.
And on the flip side, it's alsoa lot for your community and your
audience to take in all at once.
(17:11):
Like you are a whole ass humanbeing with layers and experiences
and nuance and stories.
Like how can somebody else that, justlike somebody who just meets you,
somebody who's just scrolling on socialmedia and finds your post, how can you
expect them to take in the whole thing?
Like there's a lot going on ifwe try and share our whole story,
(17:34):
it can also confuse people.
It can distract them from yourmessage, or it just could be like,
oh my gosh, I like don't knowwhat to do with this information.
I'm not saying don't provide context.
But you also don't need to likelay out your entire story on them.
That's like when you're on a first dateand the person just tells you their whole
life story in between appetizers and themain cores, and now you're like, well,
(17:56):
what the fuck am I supposed to do now?
Like, remember?
It takes time for peopleto get to know you.
And just like in storytelling, ifyou wanna share your message and
you wanna share your story, ittakes time for your audience and
your community to get to know you.
So again, don't try and sharethe whole story at the same in
one sitting because it will giveyou whole vulnerability fatigue.
(18:17):
The next thing is kind of like theopposite of vulnerability fatigue.
This is what I call airing your dirtylaundry and airing your dirty laundry is
like when you put your business all overthe internet and hey, it happens sometimes
when we're going through something.
We want to talk about it becausewe're angry, sad, hurt, or we
(18:38):
want to get affirmation thatwe're right and they're wrong.
Whatever the case is, airing yourdirty laundry detracts from your story
and also detracts from your message.
Honestly, I would say save this fortherapy like seriously or to gossip
with your close friends group.
I'm not gonna tell you whatis considered dirty laundry or
not, or be the story police.
(18:59):
I really leave it up to you,to your discretion to consider.
But I have two questionsfor you to kind of consider.
If this is airing your dirty laundry.
The first one is, what is a point or goalof the story that you're trying to share?
And if it is to share a lesson,experience, or unique point of view, what
do you hope people can take away from it?
(19:21):
So that's the second one.
This is kind of what happenswhen we start to share a story.
We kind of get into vulnerability fatigue.
We get into airing your dirty laundry.
And the third one is goodold imposter syndrome.
So imposter syndrome is very normal.
And usually when we start sharing ourstory, our opinions, our values, or you
(19:42):
know, our message, it comes up strong.
Like so strong.
And we're actually becoming partof the conversation instead of
silently consuming and making ourown opinions that don't get shared.
But, uh beyond our brainor with our journal.
So imposter syndrome is very, very normal.
Like I get imposter syndrome all thetime, and I really think it's because
(20:06):
when you start actively participating ina conversation, sharing your opinions,
you know, trying to understand theother person, sharing a contradictory
thought or whatever, beyond, you know,your own thoughts and your journal then
of course imposter syndrome is going tocome up because we're actually putting
ourselves out there and it might startfeeling like people will question you.
(20:31):
And I used to think this all thetime because imposter syndrome made
me think, oh my gosh, if I share mythoughts or opinions or if I share
like how to do something, somebody'sgonna come back and question me.
And basically telling me, Idon't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
I'm a nobody.
And I wanna just remind you, whoeveryou are, if you're listening to this
(20:54):
and really to myself, that when Ido share my story, when I do share
my thoughts and my experiences, thisis my opinion and also what I lived.
So these are things based onmy experiences, knowledge and.
Identity stories, message and all ofthat, and I am entitled to my opinion and
(21:19):
people are also entitled to their opinionand they're also allowed to disagree.
Just like you don't agree witheverything everybody says, you also
have the right to disagree with them.
I do wanna point out that if youpush your opinion on someone,
that is what I call imposing.
And that is what we call asshole behavior.
So I also wanna share that it'sreally not your job to change
(21:41):
anyone's opinion, especially ifyou come from a marginalized group.
And also it's not your job totry and convince other people
to believe what you're sayingwhen we're sharing our stories.
What we really wanna dois just share the story.
We wanna share a differentperspective, and then we leave that
to somebody else to decide, okay,that perspective was interesting.
(22:04):
Let me look for more information.
That perspective was interesting.
I wanna follow this personbecause I want to learn more.
That perspective or that story helpedme understand X, Y, Z, and that's what I
feel like is the point of storytelling.
It's not to convince peopleof your opinion or try and
like have a debate online.
(22:24):
It's really because you wanna changethe perspective or bring in a different
perspective that wasn't presented before.
And I know that also impostersyndrome usually leads to not feeling
worthy or enough, and sometimes wefeel like our story isn't enough.
Like it's not a superhero story toshare, so why the fuck are we doing
(22:48):
it or it's not inspiring enough?
Or We didn't do anything fabulous in ourlife, like we just lived a very normal.
Whatever life and like you thinkthat you're just an average person,
what story could you have to share?
I just wanna remind you that you havea lot of stories, ideas, opinions, and
experiences that are worthy and unique.
(23:10):
And how I know that is if you dig intoyour own culture, your own identity,
and your own experiences, you'll startto see that you have a lot of stories
to share and that they're enough, whichbrings me to my next point actually,
about not having a story that is enoughor not having an interesting enough story.
(23:35):
Trauma porn.
So what is trauma porn?
This is a definition taken from areally great article on what trauma
porn is and why it hurts black people.
I've linked it in the show notes,but I'm just gonna read the
definition that they provided.
So, trauma porn is media that showcasesa group's pain and trauma in excessive
(23:55):
amounts for the sake of entertainment,trauma porn is created not for the
sake of the marginalized group.
But instead to console or entertainthe non marginalized group, it also
has the tendency to cater to the nonmarginalized person's ego versus actually
helping the marginalized person depictwhat life is really like for them.
Trauma porn at its core is exploitativeand emotionally provocative for
(24:19):
unethical reasons that lack compassionfor anything other than the society
ruled default, aka those who are white,straight, cisgender, able-bodied,
able minded, and neurotypical.
And I wanna bring in trauma form becauseI feel like this is super important.
Whether you are a person in amarginalized group or you belong
(24:41):
in dominant culture, we end up, Idon't know how to say this nicely.
Um.
I think because of the messages inmedia, we end up mining our lives for
trauma porn because we feel like ourstories aren't enough just as they are.
We feel like we need to have somefabulous underdog, you know, story
(25:01):
to get eyes on what we have tosay, and that's just not true.
For example, with black indigenouspeople of color, disabled people,
neurodivergent folks, fat people,et cetera, I really feel like we are
also guilty of trauma porn, and I'mnot saying that like to say this, to
guilt trip you or like to shame you.
(25:22):
Of course we are guilty of trauma pornbecause the media has actually taught
us that our stories are only importantand worthy of being heard when we tie
in our trauma pain, underdog story orinspiring slash motivational story.
So an example of this is likea disabled person overcoming a
difficulty in being seen as a champion.
(25:43):
And we usually see this inmovies that are about sports.
This totally disregards.
The other part of this person's storyand narrows it down to being disabled.
Like sometimes when we like what thedefinition said before, trauma porn kind
of reduces our entire breath and nuancedlayers of being a human and our story to
(26:06):
just one thing, because that's what youknow, dominant culture finds interesting.
That's what dominant culture findssellable, which is also, you know,
living under a capitalist society, youwanna sell more, you wanna get more
eyes on you, you wanna be more popular.
You want to get moreopportunities, of course.
And at the sake of what only sellinga part of your story or only sharing
(26:30):
a part of your story, or producingyour whole entire human experience
for a trauma porn story, a painstory, an underdog story, and you
have so many other stories to share.
It's not just that, and I just wannaremind you that our stories don't need
to have pain or trauma or an underdogstory or whatever to be enough.
(26:51):
Our stories, just as they are, are enough,like the breath of your human experience
is amazing and it's enough like when youdig into your culture and identity and
your experiences there, you can find somany stories that don't need to revolve
around trauma or pain or some likemotivational, inspirational, capitalist
bullshit to get people to notice you.
(27:13):
And that brings me to the next onethat is similar to trauma porn,
which is mining our lives for profit.
And I talked about thisin one of the episodes.
You're the branch slashniche is toxic as fuck.
Um, in general, sometimes all of usend up trying to mine our lives for.
Profit.
It's kind of just the way social mediahas kind of like wired our brains.
(27:36):
Like we want to find thingsto share on social media.
And I don't wanna get into thistoo much because I talked a lot
about it on a previous episode.
Again, if you wanna listen tothat one, the title is You Are
The Brand/ Niche is Toxic as Fuck.
But I just want to mention that wedon't need to mine our lives or recreate
things to be seen as worthy of beinglistened to or heard, and I think I'll
(27:58):
have to make another episode on lifestylemarketing versus liberatory marketing
because that goes into like that wholething about mining our lives for content.
Okay, anyways, continuingon about this list.
We talked about vulnerability fatigue.
We talked about imposter syndrome.
We talked about trauma, pornand mining our life for profit.
And the last one that I seehappening a lot is ego sharing.
(28:21):
And I feel like this oneis pretty self-explanatory.
This is really when you try andshare something or like share
your story to get attention.
And I can't really tell you when that'shappening because only you would know.
But I do like to ask myself what thepurpose of sharing this story or this
piece of content or this message is,and if it's to boost my ego, either
(28:41):
because I need some affirmation or wantto get a cookie for doing something,
then that's an ego boost post.
What's the goal of that story?
What's the purpose of this message?
If it's to boost my ego, then maybe Ineed to reconsider sharing it or not.
So now that we've gone through whatyou may run into when you start
to share more of your story slashmessage, what do you actually share?
(29:03):
And I am so sorry if you are waitingfor this section, and I feel like
this is a trick question becauseI cannot actually tell you what to
actually share, mainly because Idon't know how comfortable you feel.
I would never want to pushsomebody to share something
that they don't feel comfortablewith, but also, I don't know the.
The layers of your own privilege,because I can say share lots of
(29:25):
different things and then it couldactually put somebody in danger.
So what I can say is that some partsof your story will become irrelevant
to your current season of life andyour current season of your message,
your current season of where youwant to go and what you want to do.
And that's okay that this story,one particular story is irrelevant.
(29:48):
You don't need to share that story.
And then some parts of your story willcome back after you've healed or made your
own conclusions or opinions around them.
And if it's relevant, I say, sharethat part of your story again.
Bring that story back and anotherthing is some stories come back
after years of being forgottenand it makes sense to share them.
(30:10):
So if it makes sense to sharethem now, even though you
forgot about them, then why not?
I, I feel like because stories are not,well the way they're written currently,
like in novels and stuff, they're linear,but because we are humans and we have,
and also time is a social construct.
(30:31):
That could be another episode.
Um, because time is like a socialconstruct, because we are humans,
we have layers, and you know,we have different experiences.
Things come and go.
There are stories thatcome and go in your life.
There are stories and identitiesthat come back because you tap
into them or there are stories andidentities that are irrelevant.
(30:52):
Lean into that, explore that.
See.
What is coming up for you?
And just to share you, uh, an examplewith you all for my TEDx talk, I'll link
it in the show notes, I talked abouthow current work culture, recreates,
colonial systems and really that storythat I shared in my TEDx talk took four
(31:14):
years, four years of it brewing insideme, formulating my own opinions and
conclusions around what I wanted totalk about, and actually finding enough
courage to share it and that's okay.
Like stories are fluid andour story doesn't stop.
It just turns the page.
(31:36):
Anybody catch that pun?
Um, but really, like this currentstory of, or the story that I shared
in my TEDx talk is still relevant to metoday because, I'm exploring that more.
I'm leaning into it.
The story that I first shared when Imoved abroad to the United States about
how I was blogging at the age of 13.
(31:58):
That story, Yeah, it's part of mystory, but it's not as relevant anymore.
So I choose to share it when itmakes sense, but it's not like
the starting point of my story.
So how much do you actually share?
How much of your storydo you really share?
And again, I can't tellyou how much to share.
(32:18):
Well, except for don't share the wholedamn story in one sitting, uh, because
again, that's unsustainable and will causevulnerability fatigue, what I can say is,
or really the questions that I wanna sharewith you to consider around how much do
you share are what boundaries do you haveto keep a safe space if you do share,
(32:40):
because sharing is scary and sharingopens up doors to certain things and maybe
certain people and certain reactions.
What boundaries do you have tokeep a safe space for yourself?
Number two.
Do you have a community or network to fallback on for support If you share, do you
have people that will hold space for you?
(33:01):
Do you have people that willbe there if something happens?
Do you have people thatcan like cheer you on?
Think about that.
And if you do, who are they?
And the last one is, are you okay withthe consequences of sharing your story?
If you are, then okay, that's great.
If you aren't.
(33:21):
That's okay too.
But what small parts can you sharewith your closest network first?
If you aren't okay with theconsequences of sharing your story,
good or bad, then maybe it's nottime to share that story yet.
But if you are okay with theconsequences of sharing that story,
then, what are you waiting for?
If you're holding your breathand holding that story in,
(33:42):
it's gonna eat you up inside.
I know that feeling.
When you wanna share, when you wannasay something, you won't do it.
And in one of the previous episodes,three existential questions to ask
yourself before getting visible.
I shared about how, you know whenyou wanna share something and
you wanna share your story, yourmessage, and then you hold it in.
It's like holding a cough, and thenit's like super awkward because
(34:02):
now you're just uncomfortable.
The same thing happens.
Are you okay with the consequencesof sharing your story?
If you are, great, if youaren't, that's okay to.
So last thing I wanna share before I wrapthis episode up is different activities
you can do to start sharing your story.
The first one is somethingthat is actually.
Connectivity that we do with ourclients at The Quirky Pineapple Studio.
(34:24):
When we work with thought leadersand personal brands, I call it
the Story Connection timeline.
So there are seven parts to a story,which is the prologue, beginning,
middle, conflict resolution,transformation, and epilogue.
Now I want you to think aboutwhere are you in your story
and to write out each part.
Each part of your story, the prologue,beginning, middle, conflict resolution,
(34:48):
transformation, and epilogue.
And let me know y'all, if you think Ishould do a podcast episode, breaking
up this seven part story connectiontimeline, because honestly, I think
if I explain the whole thing here,this podcast would just be so long.
So if you do want anotherpodcast episode on the Story
connection timeline, let me know.
(35:09):
Send me a message onInstagram @CassandraTLe.
The second activity is what Ilike to call petite stories.
So once you've written out your overalllarger story in the story connection
timeline, I recommend creating a documentand then in a separate document creating,
um, another one called petite stories.
And petite stories are smaller storiesthat highlight situations within your
(35:31):
own story that people can relate to.
So these can be examples ofsomething, experiences you
had, small conflict, et cetera.
And you don't need torecount like the whole story.
Remember, it's a petite story.
So for example, a petite storyfor me is that I was holding onto
this podcast idea for a 1.5 plusyears before I decided to do it.
(35:52):
And why did I finally take theplunge and do this podcast.
I basically got tired of not havinga different perspective to the
conversation and I was getting pissedoff with myself for not doing anything.
So if you've ever felt so sick and tiredof your own shit that you just have to
take action, uh, that was me in thispodcast and that is, Aite story that
(36:13):
I'm sure some of you can relate to.
And the last activity is write out a listof your accomplishments and achievements.
So this doesn't necessarilyneed to be work related.
These can be things thatyou're just proud of.
And I recommend keeping this as a reminderthat you've got plenty of stories and
experiences to pull from because you havethings that you're proud of, and those
(36:35):
can all be broken into stories, petitestories, examples to share, because you
have a breadth of stories to pull fromlike a whole lifetime up until now.
Think about it.
All of the stories that you've had.
And yeah, if you are a rising thoughtleader or want to build your personal
(36:57):
brand and you want to work togetheron cultivating your thought leadership
strategy, you can send me a message tolearn how we can work together Through the
Quirky Pineapple Studio, we have a packagecalled the Brand Message Intensive, where
we work with thought leaders and personalbrands to map out your brand message and
also your content marketing strategy.
(37:18):
You can learn more at the link inthe bio and schedule a clarity call
to see how we can work together.
All right, y'all, honestly, I just wannaend this episode by saying that your
story is enough, just the way it is.
I don't think you need tolive some fabulous, glorious
(37:39):
light to share your story.
I honestly feel like the decisionsthat you make today to live a more
aligned life, share your opinion,live out your values, is is enough.
Like those are all stories worth sharing.
So let me know if you are taking thechallenge to share more of your story.
(38:00):
Send me a message on Instagramat @CassandraTLe and I will
see you in the next episode.
Stay fierce fam.
If you're hearing this message, that meansyou made it to the end of this episode.
Yay.
Thanks for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode andthought to yourself, wo it me, I'd
(38:21):
love if you could share this withothers, post about it on social media,
and or leave a rating and review.
Don't forget to subscribeto, wanna hang out with me in
other areas of the internet?
You can follow me onInstagram at Cassandra, t l e.
For brand message and content marketingtips and resources, check out my
business at the Quirky Pineapple Studio.
Thanks again and seeyou in the next episode.
(38:43):
Stay your spam.
Sometimes all of us end up tryingto mine our lives for a profit.
(00:03):
It's kind of just the way social mediahas kind of like wired our brains,
like we want to find things to share.
Hello hello everyone.
I'm Cassandra Le and you'relistening to I'm Lost, So What?
The podcast exploring betweenbelonging and carving your own path
for all the peeps out there who kindof know what you're doing, but still
question what the fuck is going on?
(00:25):
Yeah, I'm with you.
Hello, hello and welcome backto the I'm Lost, so what?
Podcast.
This is your host, CassandraLe, and today's conversation,
let's switch it up a little bit.
I am currently recording this in myoffice, in my pajama set and this
(00:45):
conversation, I really want it to be andfeel like a heart to heart conversation.
I'm not trying to callyou out in this episode.
If I do end up calling you out, mybad kind of, I just wanna talk about.
What it's like to actually put yourselfout there and share your story.
So in this episode, we are going to betalking about how much of your story
(01:07):
should you actually share, and inthis episode I'm gonna be going into
why it's important to share things towatch out for as you embark on this
journey of sharing your story, whatto actually share, how much to share,
and some activities and of coursejournaling prompts at the end because
you know, I love sharing that stuff.
(01:28):
So for all the people who have actuallydecided that you want to share more
of your story, I congratulate you.
Whether you feel like you have amessage to share or you want to share
your experience to help others in asimilar situation, or you want to create
because why the fuck not, or even ifyou want to show more of who you are.
Whatever the reason is for wantingto share more of your story
(01:51):
and putting yourself out there.
Again, I congratulate youand I'm excited for you.
I feel like this is a huge step, evenlike admitting it to yourself, whether
you've admitted it to yourself in yourhead, in your journal, or even if you've
said it out loud, this is awesome.
This is like, an exciting journey.
(02:11):
So before we dive into this episode,I do want to share that this is an
ongoing process to figure out how muchof your story to share as we grow and
change and as we experience new things.
So what I'm really trying to sayis bookmark this podcast episode to
listen to in the future, because thisstuff applies at whatever stage of
your storytelling journey you are in.
Really, this is also applied to myclients at The Quirky Pineapple Studio.
(02:35):
This episode really covers the samequestions that people ask me at any
stage of their storytelling journey.
So why is sharing your story, so, hmm,how do I say this important and maybe
important isn't the word, like thereal word that I want to actually say
is, why sharing your story is reallyliberating from my personal experience.
(03:01):
So these are some of the reasonswhy I feel like me putting myself
out there, me sharing my message, mesharing my story is so liberating.
And again, I want to preface this,that I come from a level of privilege
that some people might not have.
And of course for me, this liberationis safe, and it's not so dependent on
(03:26):
like my physical, like I don't feelunsafe physically or anything like
that, maybe in certain situations, but,that's like for a whole other episode.
So why is sharing my storyso liberating for me?
Um, I felt like I was an activeparticipant in the world.
I felt like I had something toreally share and contribute.
(03:47):
I felt like I was finallystanding up for something instead
of just going with the flow.
I feel like this is a big one.
I felt like I had a lot of thingsto say and a lot of things that I
wanted to share, but I was really.
Always too afraid to, I was alwaysscared that I was gonna piss
somebody off, or I was alwaysworried that somebody would judge me.
And when I finally spoke up aboutsomething, when I finally shared my story,
(04:09):
I finally felt like I was standing upfor something because I took a stance.
I actually had an opinion.
It wasn't just, oh yeah, okay, whatever.
I was actually participatingin the conversation.
I also felt like I was seriouslybuilding up a lot of rage and
resentment as well as comparisonitis.
With what was happening in the world.
And when I say rage and resentment, it waslike I was watching things happen and in
(04:36):
my mind, I was forming opinions on themand I was thinking about certain things
critically, I just wouldn't share it, andthen I would feel really angry and a lot
of resentment because I wasn't sharing it.
And it just kind of festered in my body.
So I was looking for ways to share more.
(04:57):
I wanted to be part of the conversation.
I wanted to give my own perspective andexperience, and I really felt like there
was a piece of the conversation missingthat only I could give insight to based
on my personal experiences and knowledge.
Like I would actually get pissed offwhen people wouldn't share a specific
perspective or a specific lens tosomething, because I was like, y'all
(05:18):
are missing part of the conversation.
Like y'all aren't asking thequestions from the other side.
Y'all are missing all of theother potential questions that
you could be talking about.
And I was waiting for peopleto kind of bring those in.
And then I realized nobody's gonna bringthat stuff in because it is based off
of me and my experience, my identities,my stories that bring this opinion in.
(05:40):
And that was kind of likea realization for me.
Again, I also feel like sharing mystory is extremely liberating because
I feel like I'm not hiding anymore.
And what I mean by hiding islike if you've listened to past
episodes on the, I'm Lost, so what?
Podcast actually have an episode that wasreleased a couple weeks ago called Three
(06:01):
Obvious Signs You're Hiding From Yourself.
And that's kind of what I felt like.
I felt like I was always hiding.
I was always kind of likejust playing it safe.
I was.
Doing what I needed to do to get by.
And finally when I started sharingmy story, I felt even more liberated
because I wasn't hiding anymore.
I was actually showing people who Iwas, I was stepping into my values.
(06:24):
I was actually being ableto live out my values.
And that really changedlike my whole perception of.
Sharing my story or not sharing my story.
And then also, I didn't feel so alonein my thoughts and feelings anymore.
And I'm sure if you've consumedinspirational quotes on Instagram
or Pinterest, then you may know thatwhen you share, you feel less alone.
(06:49):
And that's kind of really what happened.
I didn't feel so alone in mythoughts or feelings anymore.
Sharing actually opened me up to buildintentional relationships with people or,
and this is a big, or it helped me buildintentional relationships with people, or
it helped me realize that it was time tolet those people go, which is okay too.
(07:09):
And I really feel like when Istarted sharing my story and
liberating myself from like hidingor expectations or anything else.
I wasn't living a lie.
And disclaimer here, uh, thereare lots of things that I'm still
working through and learning.
So this quote unquote, not givingor not living a lie is relative and
(07:33):
kind of changes with the ebbs andflows of my own understanding of
myself and my own beliefs and values.
But I feel like when I wasn'tsharing my story, I didn't realize
that I was like withholding.
A real part of myself back.
And that was almost like trulyliving a lie because nobody really
got to know the real me becauseI wouldn't share the real me.
(07:57):
I wouldn't share my, like, my opinions.
I wouldn't share my specific values.
I wouldn't contradict what other peoplewere saying because I was too terrified
and, if you think about it, that's livinga lie because you are not giving people
the chance to get to know the real you.
You're just living into what other peopleare expecting, and that's not fair.
(08:22):
That's not fair to them.
And that's not fair to you, mostly notfair to you because, I mean, come on.
Like you're the one living the, the life.
They're not living your life for you.
So that's why I think sharing yourstory is super liberating and very
important from a more like tactical,I guess, standpoint, and if you wanna
talk about marketing and personalbranding and opportunities, sharing
(08:45):
my story has also helped me havedeeper relationships with people.
I said this before, but it's true.
Sharing my story has helped me havedeeper relationships with my clients
at The Quirky Pineapple Studio.
My friends, my partner, my parents,and I wanna be honest that it's really
fucking scary, but really nice to nothold onto something or feel like that
(09:08):
tightness in my chest, like I'm holding mybreath because I'm not sharing my story.
I feel like when I do share my story,I actually get to breathe and I get to
also detach myself from what other peopleexpect because I am living into my values.
Another thing that sharingmy story has helped me to do
(09:31):
is get featured in podcasts.
Not this podcast, I mean this is mine,but get featured in other podcasts,
get featured in articles, asked to be aspeaker, a whole bunch of other different
like opportunities to make deeper impact.
So for example by sharing my story, I wasfeatured in a Forbes article on what it's
(09:52):
like to have a personal brand that helpsyou travel the world by sharing my story.
I was a TEDx speaker in Los Angeles.
I was a speaker at adigital nomad conference.
I was a speaker for other notabledigital marketing things, or what it
was like to be location independent.
None of that would've happened if Ione didn't take through my stories
(10:15):
and understand them and then alsohave the courage to actually share
them, and that's really amazing.
Other things that my story has helpedme to do or be was to grow a community
that feels safe for me, and I feellike that's really, really important.
Yeah cool, like getting featured inForbes, getting podcast interviews,
being a TEDx speaker is like amazing.
(10:37):
Yes.
I can put it on like myresume and my LinkedIn, but.
I think the one thing that is really,really important to me is that I was
able to grow a community that feelssafe for me, and that has allowed me
to connect with people from aroundthe world who share in my story, who
have similar experiences, and thatwe can connect on a way deeper level.
(10:57):
Another thing is that I've made some sortof impact in my community, and this might
sound like arrogant, uh, but it's true.
I do get messages of inspiration andencouragement from people on Instagram.
I've gotten emails from peoplewho have shared that my blog
post really helped them.
I've gotten emails from people whohave heard podcast episodes or you
(11:19):
know taken a class for me or heardmy, one of my speaking engagements
and they reached out afterwards.
And it's funny to think about because youknow, mentioning this, I'm like, that's
not why I decided to share my story.
But that's a really lovely likecause and effect because you really
(11:40):
don't know who relates to your story.
And by sharing it, you'veopened yourself up for that
connection and thinking about it.
Oh, am I gonna cry?
I don't know.
I'm getting teary-eyed over here.
But it's amazing becausethat's the power of stories.
That's the power of your story.
That's pretty cool.
(12:00):
And really, I think a like, theTEDx talk, the opportunities, the
community and all of this stuff.
On a more personal level, I thinksharing my story and getting really
clear on my message and my values,it's just allowed me to live with
more joy, creativity, peace and ease.
(12:22):
And thanks to therapy as well for likeopening up this lens for me to see that
at like in reality, but really like, ifI can live with more joy, creativity,
peace and ease for myself, and I can easemy anxiety, I can ease my overthinking
habits, I can ease, like the storytellingI used to do that was like detrimental
(12:44):
to my mental and emotional health.
That's a win for me.
Y'all like that is a win for me.
So, that's why I really wannatalk about how to share your story
and like what to actually share.
So the next thing that I wanna diveinto is what do you actually need
(13:07):
to watch out for as you start toshare more of your story and message?
And these are some of the things thatI've seen happen with my clients.
Some of the things that I see happenwith my friends, uh, some of the
things that I see happen just withlike community members in general.
So these are things to watchout for as you start to share
more of your story and message.
The first one is like a huge, huge, hugeone, and I call it vulnerability fatigue.
(13:30):
So this is something that myclients at The Quirky Pineapple
Studio go through very, very often.
They feel like they have a whole ass, awhole ass motherfucking story to share
with nuanced layers and all the things.
How can they share all of it?
Like they're wondering, oh mygosh, like my story is so layered.
I've lived like so many different lives.
I've had like different careers.
(13:51):
How am I gonna distill this storyuntil like something that is actually
consumable and relatable to my audience?
And this is when they getvulnerability fatigue.
Because what they've been doing usuallyin the past is they just share their
entire story in like one Instagrampost, or they share their entire story
(14:14):
in like one podcast episode as a guest.
And what usually happens is becausethey're sharing their entire story,
all of the layers, all of the littlethings that go into their story,
the many lives that they've lived,they get vulnerability fatigue.
So they feel like they're alwayschanging and whatever they share
(14:34):
will box them in and they won'tbe able to change in the future.
Or they feel like, oh, I need toshare the whole breadth of my story
because nobody's gonna understand.
And vulnerability fatigueis a very real thing.
For example, in one of our brandmessaging intensives that we offer at
The Quirky Pineapple Studio, we weredoing an exercise with our client and
(14:56):
they, like one of the questions thatwe asked them was, what is your story?
Who are you?
And what they did was they shared thewhole damn thing for about an hour and
at, and then after our session, theyactually took a nap because they were
so tired from rehashing and re-sharing.
All of the things.
So I don't want that for y'all.
I don't want anybody to get vulnrabilityfatigue when they're sharing their
(15:18):
story because that's not sustainableand that's not helpful for anybody.
It's actually quite harmful becausenow you just feel drained of like
literally all of your energy.
So my advice is to notshare your whole damn story.
It's really energetically tiringto do that because that's a lot to
encapsulate in a very short amount oftime, or even in like a short Instagram
(15:41):
caption or social media caption.
You just, you can't do it.
And also, I just wanna remind you thatlike you are a whole ass human with
layers, experiences and all the things youcan't share it all because it's, there's
just the way the communication platformswork, the way social media works, the
way things are created, don't allow us tofully have nuance in our conversations on
(16:07):
Instagram or on Facebook or on a LinkedInpost, or even in an email newsletter.
Well, maybe an email newsletter.
You might be able to get like a littledeeper, but just the way social media
runs, there is no space for nuance andI wouldn't want you to try and like
squeeze the breath of your story and thebreath of your message into something
(16:29):
that just wasn't made to, to hold it.
Like your story is so much bigger.
Why give it all to Instagram?
Why give it all to that 32 second reel?
It's not worth it.
So, I really do think, try andbreak it up into smaller pieces.
Uh, this is getting into more liketactical examples and things, so I'm
gonna say this for the end of theepisode, so when we get into the actual
(16:51):
activities to do, but again, when youget vulnerability fatigue, don't try
and share your whole damn story in onesitting or in one instagram posts or
whatever social media platform you'reusing, it will energetically drain you.
And on the flip side, it's alsoa lot for your community and your
audience to take in all at once.
(17:11):
Like you are a whole ass humanbeing with layers and experiences
and nuance and stories.
Like how can somebody else that, justlike somebody who just meets you,
somebody who's just scrolling on socialmedia and finds your post, how can you
expect them to take in the whole thing?
Like there's a lot going on ifwe try and share our whole story,
(17:34):
it can also confuse people.
It can distract them from yourmessage, or it just could be like,
oh my gosh, I like don't knowwhat to do with this information.
I'm not saying don't provide context.
But you also don't need to likelay out your entire story on them.
That's like when you're on a first dateand the person just tells you their whole
life story in between appetizers and themain cores, and now you're like, well,
(17:56):
what the fuck am I supposed to do now?
Like, remember?
It takes time for peopleto get to know you.
And just like in storytelling, ifyou wanna share your message and
you wanna share your story, ittakes time for your audience and
your community to get to know you.
So again, don't try and sharethe whole story at the same in
one sitting because it will giveyou whole vulnerability fatigue.
(18:17):
The next thing is kind of like theopposite of vulnerability fatigue.
This is what I call airing your dirtylaundry and airing your dirty laundry is
like when you put your business all overthe internet and hey, it happens sometimes
when we're going through something.
We want to talk about it becausewe're angry, sad, hurt, or we
(18:38):
want to get affirmation thatwe're right and they're wrong.
Whatever the case is, airing yourdirty laundry detracts from your story
and also detracts from your message.
Honestly, I would say save this fortherapy like seriously or to gossip
with your close friends group.
I'm not gonna tell you whatis considered dirty laundry or
not, or be the story police.
(18:59):
I really leave it up to you,to your discretion to consider.
But I have two questionsfor you to kind of consider.
If this is airing your dirty laundry.
The first one is, what is a point or goalof the story that you're trying to share?
And if it is to share a lesson,experience, or unique point of view, what
do you hope people can take away from it?
(19:21):
So that's the second one.
This is kind of what happenswhen we start to share a story.
We kind of get into vulnerability fatigue.
We get into airing your dirty laundry.
And the third one is goodold imposter syndrome.
So imposter syndrome is very normal.
And usually when we start sharing ourstory, our opinions, our values, or you
(19:42):
know, our message, it comes up strong.
Like so strong.
And we're actually becoming partof the conversation instead of
silently consuming and making ourown opinions that don't get shared.
But, uh beyond our brainor with our journal.
So imposter syndrome is very, very normal.
Like I get imposter syndrome all thetime, and I really think it's because
(20:06):
when you start actively participating ina conversation, sharing your opinions,
you know, trying to understand theother person, sharing a contradictory
thought or whatever, beyond, you know,your own thoughts and your journal then
of course imposter syndrome is going tocome up because we're actually putting
ourselves out there and it might startfeeling like people will question you.
(20:31):
And I used to think this all thetime because imposter syndrome made
me think, oh my gosh, if I share mythoughts or opinions or if I share
like how to do something, somebody'sgonna come back and question me.
And basically telling me, Idon't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
I'm a nobody.
And I wanna just remind you, whoeveryou are, if you're listening to this
(20:54):
and really to myself, that when Ido share my story, when I do share
my thoughts and my experiences, thisis my opinion and also what I lived.
So these are things based onmy experiences, knowledge and.
Identity stories, message and all ofthat, and I am entitled to my opinion and
(21:19):
people are also entitled to their opinionand they're also allowed to disagree.
Just like you don't agree witheverything everybody says, you also
have the right to disagree with them.
I do wanna point out that if youpush your opinion on someone,
that is what I call imposing.
And that is what we call asshole behavior.
So I also wanna share that it'sreally not your job to change
(21:41):
anyone's opinion, especially ifyou come from a marginalized group.
And also it's not your job totry and convince other people
to believe what you're sayingwhen we're sharing our stories.
What we really wanna dois just share the story.
We wanna share a differentperspective, and then we leave that
to somebody else to decide, okay,that perspective was interesting.
(22:04):
Let me look for more information.
That perspective was interesting.
I wanna follow this personbecause I want to learn more.
That perspective or that story helpedme understand X, Y, Z, and that's what I
feel like is the point of storytelling.
It's not to convince peopleof your opinion or try and
like have a debate online.
(22:24):
It's really because you wanna changethe perspective or bring in a different
perspective that wasn't presented before.
And I know that also impostersyndrome usually leads to not feeling
worthy or enough, and sometimes wefeel like our story isn't enough.
Like it's not a superhero story toshare, so why the fuck are we doing
(22:48):
it or it's not inspiring enough?
Or We didn't do anything fabulous in ourlife, like we just lived a very normal.
Whatever life and like you thinkthat you're just an average person,
what story could you have to share?
I just wanna remind you that you havea lot of stories, ideas, opinions, and
experiences that are worthy and unique.
(23:10):
And how I know that is if you dig intoyour own culture, your own identity,
and your own experiences, you'll startto see that you have a lot of stories
to share and that they're enough, whichbrings me to my next point actually,
about not having a story that is enoughor not having an interesting enough story.
(23:35):
Trauma porn.
So what is trauma porn?
This is a definition taken from areally great article on what trauma
porn is and why it hurts black people.
I've linked it in the show notes,but I'm just gonna read the
definition that they provided.
So, trauma porn is media that showcasesa group's pain and trauma in excessive
(23:55):
amounts for the sake of entertainment,trauma porn is created not for the
sake of the marginalized group.
But instead to console or entertainthe non marginalized group, it also
has the tendency to cater to the nonmarginalized person's ego versus actually
helping the marginalized person depictwhat life is really like for them.
Trauma porn at its core is exploitativeand emotionally provocative for
(24:19):
unethical reasons that lack compassionfor anything other than the society
ruled default, aka those who are white,straight, cisgender, able-bodied,
able minded, and neurotypical.
And I wanna bring in trauma form becauseI feel like this is super important.
Whether you are a person in amarginalized group or you belong
(24:41):
in dominant culture, we end up, Idon't know how to say this nicely.
Um.
I think because of the messages inmedia, we end up mining our lives for
trauma porn because we feel like ourstories aren't enough just as they are.
We feel like we need to have somefabulous underdog, you know, story
(25:01):
to get eyes on what we have tosay, and that's just not true.
For example, with black indigenouspeople of color, disabled people,
neurodivergent folks, fat people,et cetera, I really feel like we are
also guilty of trauma porn, and I'mnot saying that like to say this, to
guilt trip you or like to shame you.
(25:22):
Of course we are guilty of trauma pornbecause the media has actually taught
us that our stories are only importantand worthy of being heard when we tie
in our trauma pain, underdog story orinspiring slash motivational story.
So an example of this is likea disabled person overcoming a
difficulty in being seen as a champion.
(25:43):
And we usually see this inmovies that are about sports.
This totally disregards.
The other part of this person's storyand narrows it down to being disabled.
Like sometimes when we like what thedefinition said before, trauma porn kind
of reduces our entire breath and nuancedlayers of being a human and our story to
(26:06):
just one thing, because that's what youknow, dominant culture finds interesting.
That's what dominant culture findssellable, which is also, you know,
living under a capitalist society, youwanna sell more, you wanna get more
eyes on you, you wanna be more popular.
You want to get moreopportunities, of course.
And at the sake of what only sellinga part of your story or only sharing
(26:30):
a part of your story, or producingyour whole entire human experience
for a trauma porn story, a painstory, an underdog story, and you
have so many other stories to share.
It's not just that, and I just wannaremind you that our stories don't need
to have pain or trauma or an underdogstory or whatever to be enough.
(26:51):
Our stories, just as they are, are enough,like the breath of your human experience
is amazing and it's enough like when youdig into your culture and identity and
your experiences there, you can find somany stories that don't need to revolve
around trauma or pain or some likemotivational, inspirational, capitalist
bullshit to get people to notice you.
(27:13):
And that brings me to the next onethat is similar to trauma porn,
which is mining our lives for profit.
And I talked about thisin one of the episodes.
You're the branch slashniche is toxic as fuck.
Um, in general, sometimes all of usend up trying to mine our lives for.
Profit.
It's kind of just the way social mediahas kind of like wired our brains.
(27:36):
Like we want to find thingsto share on social media.
And I don't wanna get into thistoo much because I talked a lot
about it on a previous episode.
Again, if you wanna listen tothat one, the title is You Are
The Brand/ Niche is Toxic as Fuck.
But I just want to mention that wedon't need to mine our lives or recreate
things to be seen as worthy of beinglistened to or heard, and I think I'll
(27:58):
have to make another episode on lifestylemarketing versus liberatory marketing
because that goes into like that wholething about mining our lives for content.
Okay, anyways, continuingon about this list.
We talked about vulnerability fatigue.
We talked about imposter syndrome.
We talked about trauma, pornand mining our life for profit.
And the last one that I seehappening a lot is ego sharing.
(28:21):
And I feel like this oneis pretty self-explanatory.
This is really when you try andshare something or like share
your story to get attention.
And I can't really tell you when that'shappening because only you would know.
But I do like to ask myself what thepurpose of sharing this story or this
piece of content or this message is,and if it's to boost my ego, either
(28:41):
because I need some affirmation or wantto get a cookie for doing something,
then that's an ego boost post.
What's the goal of that story?
What's the purpose of this message?
If it's to boost my ego, then maybe Ineed to reconsider sharing it or not.
So now that we've gone through whatyou may run into when you start
to share more of your story slashmessage, what do you actually share?
(29:03):
And I am so sorry if you are waitingfor this section, and I feel like
this is a trick question becauseI cannot actually tell you what to
actually share, mainly because Idon't know how comfortable you feel.
I would never want to pushsomebody to share something
that they don't feel comfortablewith, but also, I don't know the.
The layers of your own privilege,because I can say share lots of
(29:25):
different things and then it couldactually put somebody in danger.
So what I can say is that some partsof your story will become irrelevant
to your current season of life andyour current season of your message,
your current season of where youwant to go and what you want to do.
And that's okay that this story,one particular story is irrelevant.
(29:48):
You don't need to share that story.
And then some parts of your story willcome back after you've healed or made your
own conclusions or opinions around them.
And if it's relevant, I say, sharethat part of your story again.
Bring that story back and anotherthing is some stories come back
after years of being forgottenand it makes sense to share them.
(30:10):
So if it makes sense to sharethem now, even though you
forgot about them, then why not?
I, I feel like because stories are not,well the way they're written currently,
like in novels and stuff, they're linear,but because we are humans and we have,
and also time is a social construct.
(30:31):
That could be another episode.
Um, because time is like a socialconstruct, because we are humans,
we have layers, and you know,we have different experiences.
Things come and go.
There are stories thatcome and go in your life.
There are stories and identitiesthat come back because you tap
into them or there are stories andidentities that are irrelevant.
(30:52):
Lean into that, explore that.
See.
What is coming up for you?
And just to share you, uh, an examplewith you all for my TEDx talk, I'll link
it in the show notes, I talked abouthow current work culture, recreates,
colonial systems and really that storythat I shared in my TEDx talk took four
(31:14):
years, four years of it brewing insideme, formulating my own opinions and
conclusions around what I wanted totalk about, and actually finding enough
courage to share it and that's okay.
Like stories are fluid andour story doesn't stop.
It just turns the page.
(31:36):
Anybody catch that pun?
Um, but really, like this currentstory of, or the story that I shared
in my TEDx talk is still relevant to metoday because, I'm exploring that more.
I'm leaning into it.
The story that I first shared when Imoved abroad to the United States about
how I was blogging at the age of 13.
(31:58):
That story, Yeah, it's part of mystory, but it's not as relevant anymore.
So I choose to share it when itmakes sense, but it's not like
the starting point of my story.
So how much do you actually share?
How much of your storydo you really share?
And again, I can't tellyou how much to share.
(32:18):
Well, except for don't share the wholedamn story in one sitting, uh, because
again, that's unsustainable and will causevulnerability fatigue, what I can say is,
or really the questions that I wanna sharewith you to consider around how much do
you share are what boundaries do you haveto keep a safe space if you do share,
(32:40):
because sharing is scary and sharingopens up doors to certain things and maybe
certain people and certain reactions.
What boundaries do you have tokeep a safe space for yourself?
Number two.
Do you have a community or network to fallback on for support If you share, do you
have people that will hold space for you?
(33:01):
Do you have people that willbe there if something happens?
Do you have people thatcan like cheer you on?
Think about that.
And if you do, who are they?
And the last one is, are you okay withthe consequences of sharing your story?
If you are, then okay, that's great.
If you aren't.
(33:21):
That's okay too.
But what small parts can you sharewith your closest network first?
If you aren't okay with theconsequences of sharing your story,
good or bad, then maybe it's nottime to share that story yet.
But if you are okay with theconsequences of sharing that story,
then, what are you waiting for?
If you're holding your breathand holding that story in,
(33:42):
it's gonna eat you up inside.
I know that feeling.
When you wanna share, when you wannasay something, you won't do it.
And in one of the previous episodes,three existential questions to ask
yourself before getting visible.
I shared about how, you know whenyou wanna share something and
you wanna share your story, yourmessage, and then you hold it in.
It's like holding a cough, and thenit's like super awkward because
(34:02):
now you're just uncomfortable.
The same thing happens.
Are you okay with the consequencesof sharing your story?
If you are, great, if youaren't, that's okay to.
So last thing I wanna share before I wrapthis episode up is different activities
you can do to start sharing your story.
The first one is somethingthat is actually.
Connectivity that we do with ourclients at The Quirky Pineapple Studio.
(34:24):
When we work with thought leadersand personal brands, I call it
the Story Connection timeline.
So there are seven parts to a story,which is the prologue, beginning,
middle, conflict resolution,transformation, and epilogue.
Now I want you to think aboutwhere are you in your story
and to write out each part.
Each part of your story, the prologue,beginning, middle, conflict resolution,
(34:48):
transformation, and epilogue.
And let me know y'all, if you think Ishould do a podcast episode, breaking
up this seven part story connectiontimeline, because honestly, I think
if I explain the whole thing here,this podcast would just be so long.
So if you do want anotherpodcast episode on the Story
connection timeline, let me know.
(35:09):
Send me a message onInstagram @CassandraTLe.
The second activity is what Ilike to call petite stories.
So once you've written out your overalllarger story in the story connection
timeline, I recommend creating a documentand then in a separate document creating,
um, another one called petite stories.
And petite stories are smaller storiesthat highlight situations within your
(35:31):
own story that people can relate to.
So these can be examples ofsomething, experiences you
had, small conflict, et cetera.
And you don't need torecount like the whole story.
Remember, it's a petite story.
So for example, a petite storyfor me is that I was holding onto
this podcast idea for a 1.5 plusyears before I decided to do it.
(35:52):
And why did I finally take theplunge and do this podcast.
I basically got tired of not havinga different perspective to the
conversation and I was getting pissedoff with myself for not doing anything.
So if you've ever felt so sick and tiredof your own shit that you just have to
take action, uh, that was me in thispodcast and that is, Aite story that
(36:13):
I'm sure some of you can relate to.
And the last activity is write out a listof your accomplishments and achievements.
So this doesn't necessarilyneed to be work related.
These can be things thatyou're just proud of.
And I recommend keeping this as a reminderthat you've got plenty of stories and
experiences to pull from because you havethings that you're proud of, and those
(36:35):
can all be broken into stories, petitestories, examples to share, because you
have a breadth of stories to pull fromlike a whole lifetime up until now.
Think about it.
All of the stories that you've had.
And yeah, if you are a rising thoughtleader or want to build your personal
(36:57):
brand and you want to work togetheron cultivating your thought leadership
strategy, you can send me a message tolearn how we can work together Through the
Quirky Pineapple Studio, we have a packagecalled the Brand Message Intensive, where
we work with thought leaders and personalbrands to map out your brand message and
also your content marketing strategy.
(37:18):
You can learn more at the link inthe bio and schedule a clarity call
to see how we can work together.
All right, y'all, honestly, I just wannaend this episode by saying that your
story is enough, just the way it is.
I don't think you need tolive some fabulous, glorious
(37:39):
light to share your story.
I honestly feel like the decisionsthat you make today to live a more
aligned life, share your opinion,live out your values, is is enough.
Like those are all stories worth sharing.
So let me know if you are taking thechallenge to share more of your story.
(38:00):
Send me a message on Instagramat @CassandraTLe and I will
see you in the next episode.
Stay fierce fam.
If you're hearing this message, that meansyou made it to the end of this episode.
Yay.
Thanks for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode andthought to yourself, wo it me, I'd
(38:21):
love if you could share this withothers, post about it on social media,
and or leave a rating and review.
Don't forget to subscribeto, wanna hang out with me in
other areas of the internet?
You can follow me onInstagram at Cassandra, t l e.
For brand message and content marketingtips and resources, check out my
business at the Quirky Pineapple Studio.
Thanks again and seeyou in the next episode.
(38:43):
Stay your spam.
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