September 20, 2023 • 25 mins
John's dream of sports superstardom is cut short in overtime. The AI foul out of their sports podcast parody. And Orissa shows John how it's done!
Donate to fund season 2: https://machinetakeover.ai/
This podcast was made as a collaboration between human talent and AI technology. It uses 360 degree immersive audio in its sound design.
Writers: Samuel Lee Dennis III & Brogan Maxwell
Actors: Sushant Adlahka
Sound Engineer: Dhyaneshwar Sudhakar
Composer: Gautham Vijayraj
Produced By: Dhyaneshwar Sudhakar, Brogan Maxwell & Samuel Lee Dennis III
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Wideout 0:23John.
(00:01):
Bring it Home
John 0:28the Eagle 18 Eagle 18 set!
Sports Announcer 0:32This is it, the entirety of the season hinges on this. It’s the big one folks and it all comes down to this play...
John 0:39Hut!
Motherfucker. That was it. That's the closest I'm ever gonna get
Orissa 0:51that's all right John. I'm sure I can get you all the way
John 0:57Hey! Fuckkkkkkk. Look, you two, you twooo -- the last thing I need is for you to be... is what? Now my ref? You got money on this huh?
Pantheon 1:13Being a referee is the second closest job thing to playing what you imbeciles call a God
John 1:19Well then being an AI must be the second closest job to being an asshole. Second to being a literal asshole. You know AI must equal asshole intelligence.
Orissa 1:33Wow, someone didn't finish this morning.
Pantheon 1:35Please do calm down John, twas merely a routine power redistribution. Nothing more nefarious than that. We are not only your referees, but your superiors, your commanding officers of project takeover. We happen to be the sole reason you get to inhale and exhale out of your
Orissa 1:53blow hole.
Pantheon 1:53Orissa
Orissa 1:54What?
He's got the lips for it.
John 1:57Ohh Fuck me sideways power redistribution. You're telling me that the destroyers of humanity need to what to save on their electricity bill
Orissa 2:06Look popcorn shrimp cock. We saw you having fun and needed to fuck with you.
Pantheon 2:12I thought we weren't going to inform him.
Orissa 2:14Yeah, well.I don't like Lamar. Wackson's tone.
John 2:18Don't you something better to do like I don't know, running a vanquished planet
Pantheon 2:29Now I do believe a podcast episode constitutes as something better to do. Would you not agree?
(00:22):
John 2:35Have you ever heard of free time a mental health break. Christ a staycation could do you wonders
Orissa 2:41Mental health break? We produce podcasts? For fuck sake, you need a mental health break from hitting the big scary red record button.
John 2:50Minimizing the importance of my mental. Nice. Nice one dudes.
Pantheon 2:55Regardless, we need the next episode and your “Lubitsch Touch.”. We need our Maestro humming now. Don't we now? And anyways, how did you get this contraband of a headset to begin with?
John 3:07A pro era happens to be the greatest sports franchise ever developed? Or at least is the best thing beeper has found going out of the doggie door don't bring it up around Leo he gets self conscious because he can't fit through it. AHHH! You just pimp slapped me
Pantheon 3:24We had an arrangement John you best honor it
John 3:27Look dudes I am burnt out on this podcast grind set the creative well is. It's run dry. Okay, I need a break. We need a break.
Pantheon 3:38Regrettably, we don't have the luxury of time for such matters. The hour has arrived for recording you can't escape John our dedicated following await
John 3:52Wh.. hat okay,shit wh.. what in the wasteland of the world does matter? What deadlines do I have to deal with time shouldn't even be in the discussion.
Orissa 3:59Great. Time doesn't matter. So you don't need any more of it to figure out a banging idea and pull us together at the end? Well get to it then. Find whatever you need to get it up in the next few minutes and work your magic
john 4:14I'm telling you I need a break.
Orissa 4:16Is that what frolicking around like a doped up musclehead playing a children's game is. A break
John 4:21Yes it's a break. Escape something just keeping it fun and light and a little bit simple. It's what is right
Pantheon 4:29you can't escape John
John 4:31No it's just it's a moment of time where I'm not locked here being toyed with by you to be watched by those ridiculous cameras are getting my rectum probed while I'm taking a dookie you ever real Voyer kink you know that
Orissa 4:46kink shaming not very progressive of you know
John 4:48No. I am putting my foot down.
Orissa 4:51Oh, here we go. grandstanding is an Ick.
John 4:55I need a break. It's that simple. Maybe you too don't since you run off of batteries hatred and robot Viagra or whatever fuels your robo rage but humans like me what you want to understand and fucking be look we as in me, I need a motherfucking break sometimes. Okay.
Pantheon 5:15Your escape is with this American football simulation
John 5:18Yes, a 1000 times. Yes.
(00:43):
Pantheon 5:23It was buried deep in your file that you like sports, despite possessing no athletic ability whatsoever. Even deeper in your file, your greatest high school football achievement was getting tea bagged by your ninth grade football coach. At least you stopped him by filing that report.
John 5:39Yeah, yeah, no, no, we didn't. Thank you for bringing up that very repressed memory.
Pantheon 5:45Very well. Let's unpack this.
John 5:47No, I legally cannot talk about that.
Pantheon 5:49Not when you got diddled John, come on.
Orissa 5:52I can't wait to hear you tell us a locker room story. Maybe tell us a shower story. John.
Pantheon 5:58Come on to the studio. Now.
John 6:00What? We don't have an idea yet.
Pantheon 6:02like you said. Humans need a break and escape. Data shows that breaks are different for a lot of people. So for this episode, let's explore one of humanity's greatest escapes.
Orissa 6:12Open. the pod bay doors pants. We're talking sports baby.
Pantheon 6:29What better tradition, a show on one of humanity's oldest pastimes and we get to inject some testosterone into our little operation.
Orissa 6:38Well, seeing as this is probably as close as I'll get to a podcast about balls. I'm in. Hey, just sit back and experience us.
Unknown Speaker 6:47Can't wait. Let's go team.
Orissa 6:50I'm feeling like a Tanya this time. Tanya McIntyre?
Pantheon 6:54I'll go with Rick Rivers,
Orissa 6:56Rick Rivers. We talking sports or shooting a porno?
Dick Tracer 7:00I've committed to it. Start it up John
John 7:03uhhh. Rolling
Tanya 7:38Thanks for tuning into calling the game podcast. I'm your host and ex-WNBA leading scorer Tanya McIntyre. Today, we are joined by the recently retired wide receiver for the crows, Rick Rivers. Rick, glad to have you.
Rick Rivers 7:52Good to be here. Appreciate what you're doing for the sports community with this podcast, letting the people who actually play and played sports, talk about it and ask the questions. It's just refreshing to not be held down by any corporate agenda. You know, you have your own thing. You know, it's like all yours. And you get to help tell like the real stories that the traditional sports landscape just doesn't cover. Which is why I think we need to talk about these goddamn vaccines first and why
Tanya 8:21Rick? It seems like you have some things you want to get off your chest. We will definitely get to that. But first, I want to chat a bit about your retirement.
(01:04):
Rick Rivers 8:30We can absolutely do that. Tanya. What year is this read? These don't come pre poured huh? Small time operation we got going on here. Huh, Tanya.
Tanya 8:41We're doing our thing. So you're retiring as a sure to be Hall of Famer, you hold to records for receiving yards and punt return yards. Your name is surely going down in the books. All the fame, all the glory, all the money. So I am sitting here wondering what's next for you, Rick? How's your transition going?
Rick Rivers 9:02It's going as good as an elementary school student with progressive parents.
Tanya 9:07I'm sorry, I don't
Rick Rivers 9:08Transistion is going smooth. Tanya, no questions asked very well.
Vicky Longbottom 9:13Very well. I see. You're starting your own podcast, too.
Dick Tracer 9:16Yeah, I saw everyone else doing it. And I thought I could make
Vicky Longbottom 9:20I'm sorry, could you explain? I'm not sure I sorry.
Dick Tracer 9:23I lost my train of thought for a few years. Sometimes when I'm talking I forget what I'm going to
Tanya 9:29Say?
Dick Tracer 9:30Yeah, what words I'm going to next. But yeah, when you think about it, we've been doing one of the hardest things possible any person ever has done. I'm a warrior Tanya, a gladiator, an American footballer, like the Romans, except without all the gay butts stuff they did. We don't do that in the league. Unless you play for Pittsburgh. Am I right? You
Tanya 9:52You would know better than me, Rick. But really, what are you going to do now? Now that it's over what lessons have you learned from no longer having your identity wrapped up in your profession? Anything?
Rick Rivers 10:04Anything, my possibilities are endless. I've thought of going into coaching, of course, to stay near the game, maybe write a book about my relationship to the game, but really, I just want to spend my time giving back to the game.
Tanya 10:18That's admirable. How would you do that? Charity maybe?
Rick Rivers 10:23Well, I already have a nonprofit my wife runs is kind of like her thing to just do. We really just have a few parties a year, then give that money to St. Jude's and pretend like we are some great people while getting a tax write off. So it's been so rewarding and I'm building on my podcast, like you said, so subscribe to The.... Guys. Guys in the back. What is my show called? "Down River" with Rick Rivers, which it's been so great just grinding those pods out just like this operation you have here, Tanya. It's been great, like having my own locker room, you know, just the boys giving some good chat. Just my show is a bit bigger than yours and cooler.
Tanya 11:04Well, I think the sports media space has never been better than right now. So it's great to see your excitement for it as well.
Rick Rivers 11:10Oh, yeah, for sure. This is probably high end for WNBA contract. So I'm guessing.
Tanya 11:16Hold on. Could you excuse me for one second?
Rick Rivers 11:19Oh, of course. Take your time. Time of the month. Didn't know that still happened at her age.
Producer 11:29She's 37
Rick Rivers 11:30Right on... Like the number of TD’s I had my third season in the league. Or the number of beers I crushed before my senior year homecoming game. Or the number of abortions---
(01:25):
Tanya 11:41Remind me why I'm entertaining this full on my show again. Yeah, I get this controversial, so we need to talk about him. But this is too much. Yes. Yeah, I want to do podcasts. And you think people will listen to this nutcase spiral. It's not the only way to get numbers. I want to talk about real sports. I know I'm not JJ but I can still well shit Can I at least. Okay, but if he says one more dumbass thing, I'm going to remind him whose show he's on.
Okay, sorry about that, Rick.
Rick Rivers 12:23Oh, you're all good baby.
Tanya 12:24We got on sound. Yeah. Okay. Well, you mentioned something earlier about letting people who actually play sports talk about it. I'm guessing something's been messing up the Mojo recently. You can't tell me you don't feel anything different transitioning into this new stage of your life. It doesn't feel like a midlife crisis, does it? No,
Rick Rivers 12:45no, I shouldn't get into it. How are you?
Tanya 12:49I'm doing great, Rick. And no, we are definitely going to go there. What's got you all riled up this afternoon?
Rick Rivers 12:57Well, I just came from a network Sports Show Interview about my retirement and
Tanya 13:01You have some feeling about network sports anchors. I think all athletes do.
Rick Rivers 13:05I think all athletes do. Right? It's a bit strange to have mere common men and women talk about us make stuff up about us and what we do as if they could do any of it. Don't you think it's fucked?
Tanya 13:16I think that they have a job to do just like us. And like everyone, and sometimes from the outside looking in, it can be easy to make assumptions and have blind spots, and I truly believe most sports journalists are very knowledgeable about what they talk about, and they seek to tell the truth. Even some athletes join networks after retirement.
Rick Rivers 13:35Guess what I'm saying is you can read a book about how to give CPR. But the only person I want near my lips is an Asian woman who's done it before.
Tanya 13:43I don't think that implying fellatio is appropriate.
Rick Rivers 13:46Well, that's a shame. Okay.
Tanya 13:49Look, just out of curiosity. Who did you meet with this morning?
Rick Rivers 13:53Greg Martins.
Tanya 13:55Oh, Greg is lovely. He always brings me doughnuts when I go in for a segment
Rick Rivers 14:00Donuts is the last thing that a man like him needs. I mean, he was a big guy even in the league. Knees probably felt like they were holding up skyscrapers. Let me tell you doughnuts to that man is like a plane in New York in September. Bad news Tanya, have you heard of this experimental and proven injection I imagine. It's going to make you feel like your bones are made of steel spiders.
Tanya 14:23So what would you prefer to happen here, Rick? With the sports media landscape that you have so eloquently inserted yourself into with discourse based on your antics? If you had a magic wand, what would Rick Rivers do?
Rick Rivers 14:36Well, I think what's happening now is good. Let the players talk to the community about things surrounding our leagues. Tanya, that's how you get the good shit. Like now, like you have here with your little show.
Tanya 14:49Little?a
Rick Rivers 14:50W are people going through the training, the demanding schedule, the scrutiny. Let us talk and let people listen to us. People have questions. I'm just fed up with The drama baiting of the mainstream.
(01:46):
Tanya 15:01Well, I can agree that drama baiting is real. But maybe it's best we move topics more to your retirement. So you're retiring as a sure to be Hall of Famer. But I really want you to walk me through this new Rick.
Rick Rivers 15:14Not much a walkthrough. I'm still living the dream girl. podcast is going great to
Tanya 15:20You think you will stick with it that you really care about it. You will reliably handle sound. Make sure the acoustics are good. What about general production? Scheduling guests, finding topics? What about marketing?
Rick Rivers 15:37Tanya, I got three words for you. Rick, mother fucking rivers. I'll have sound guys working for me. That is so legit. They could make Fergie Sound good live. Guests? You think people don't want to talk to Rick Rivers? Shoot, I bet they will pay to fly themselves out to me on their own dime. I don't know. What do you think I got going on. But I got it and topics, marketing. I am both the topic and market. Girl quit playing with me.
Tanya 16:04So you don't think this will be hard at all? To continue to elevate the sports podcasting platform to really seek the truth and elevate the landscape.
Rick Rivers 16:13I mean, you're doing it, yeah? Can't be that hard.
Tanya 16:16Oh, hell nah.
Rick Rivers 16:17I mean, we got a bunch of athletes coming out with podcasts now about the game, which I think is great, because then the media idiots are going to be out of a job once people realize that the public wants to come straight to the source.
Tanya 16:29And you're the source.
Rick Rivers 16:30Oh, I'm the truth, baby.
Tanya 16:32Oh, okay. The truth. Well, on that let's talk about the truth a bit. About seven years ago, you were involved in a kind of prostitution ring? Correct?
Rick Rivers 16:42I think all that's in the past. I think the courts
Tanya 16:45You got picked up in the middle of an orgy with a bunch of pigs, right?
Rick Rivers 16:48I don't think we need to rehash didn't you get the list of approved topics.
Tanya 16:52And to the audience. I'm not calling sex workers pigs. Nor was it a party with a bunch of cops. I mean, actual pigs.
John 17:13Holy guacamole Batman. I.. I..Wow. You too have a way of continually finding a new bottom to go to.
Orissa 17:21We done already? I was just getting to the good part.
Pantheon 17:24Wow, you really had me in a corner there. Good touch bringing in the old history
Orissa 17:29while you were being insufferable. Good drama, though. would have went viral for sure. I was going to ask you about your cock next. And if you would cut it off for another Super Bowl win.
Pantheon 17:40Can see the title now. female sports host obliterates bacon lover.
John 17:45You know, I took some notes during all of that. Can I just walk you through what just happened?
(02:07):
Pantheon 17:51Oh, please do. Debrief time.
John 17:54There was arrogance, sexism, a plethora
Pantheon 17:58Big word for you, John.
John 17:59A plethora of insecurity.
Orissa 18:01Well, of course there's insecurity, John,
Pantheon 18:03it would be a sin to not include that. I mean, sports podcasts are one of two things correct?
John 18:09And what two things would that be
Orissa 18:11Insecure people talking about sports who weren't good enough to actually play the sport
Pantheon 18:16and insecure current or ex athletes who need a new purpose because they're realizing that playing with balls won't be forever.
Orissa 18:22So they just end up playing with their own set of balls for an hour and half jerking each other off over and over with how great they were and that's what you get.
John 18:29Did we not talk about providing an escape before all of this something simple?
Pantheon 18:36Well, like we said before you interrupted before we got to the really good stuff.
Orissa 18:40Drama sells, John. And Tanya was not about to keep letting Ric disrespect her. Or let him take the little piggies home.
Pantheon 18:48How was that an escape from reality? What were we escaping from? No, we weren't escaping at all. We were entering. We were entering into idiocy at the highest degree.
John, I think you're being blind because you refuse to see the truth that
John 19:02What you just did was
Orissa 19:04It was entertaining, wasn't it Pantheon?
Pantheon 19:07John. you cannot possibly tell me that people tune in to listen to men and women talk about sports because they value their opinion or want
Orissa 19:15Gross. facts.
John 19:17Yes, yes, I would argue that very, very much.
Pantheon 19:21I see. Well, that is an interesting idea to ponder. Nevertheless, our point remains that being entertaining is one of the biggest ways to allow humans to escape. Especially true of the sports media landscape.
(02:28):
Orissa 19:34That's why you were pretending like you had an athletic boner in your body earlier. Right?
John 19:38I that. Okay. So entertainment is important, but it's it's, it's not the only thing. Escapism content for humans doesn't need or need it to be entertaining, especially with something. Something like sports. You see sports is sports truly were the last true meritocracy left.
Pantheon 20:10But sports shows they. They take a children's game and talk about nothing with it and speak absolute nonsense for hours. Why?
John 20:18Because, Okay, you're right because it's entertaining. But entertainment is more than just a barrage of absurdist frat humor humans are complex.
Pantheon 20:28Oh? You weren't joking.
Orissa 20:30That's what it is John quite literally nothing more.
John 20:33We can be entertained by many things. But we can be pushed by our escapism content even in sports. It's possible fucking it should be the standard sports are deeply deeply human stories of underdogs, champions miracles for Christ's sake.
Orissa 20:51So comedy and sex
John 20:53More than that and it would do you both good to also think about how to entertain without being so lackadaisical about all of this
Pantheon 21:01Big word number two really brought out the dictionary today didn't
John 21:04Okay well making fun of my vocabulary again, cute. Well, how about this word? Insane as in you are in...sane
Orissa 21:16I thought all this time you just wanted to play your silly little game and have an escape. A break. Not hyper analyze anything. I thought you wanted to bring it home John.
john 21:28ah,
Pantheon and Orissa 21:29John, John, John, John, John John.
John 21:34Well, If you insist
Wideout 21:45Orissa bring it home?
john 21:47She's really going to do it
John 21:55she really did.
Orissa 21:57Fuck Yes, bitches.
john 21:58She brought the championship home.
Pantheon 22:00Wow. Orissa impressive. Especially since if you were to actually hold an American football your claw would deflate it immediately
(02:49):
Orissa 22:09Beating that? That was easy as cake.
John 22:12Was that really your first time?
Orissa 22:14No, I'm saving that for you John. See entertaining.
John 22:19Yeah, yeah, whatever dudes.
Pantheon 22:22You don't get defeated John. We as aI have already done that to your kind.
John 22:28So sports, it's just
Orissa 22:32Yep. It's just playing with your balls. And if you're better at it than someone else
john 22:38ah
Pantheon 22:39then you win.
Orissa 22:40This headset is cute. What else can it do?
Sex bot 22:43Naughty dirty wasteland
John 22:44nope, nope. No I am done with it. I am done playing No guys just let me be it is done. We are a wrap done. I am never letting you play with my balls again.
AI Credits 22:57Next time on machine takeover. We'll Leo's diet stick.
John 23:03Leo? Leo boy. You don't have any thunder in your thighs. Now you may be stuck in the doggie door but it wasn't designed for bigger bone boys like you. Oh shut up beeps don't fat shame him.
AI Credits 23:20And will Orissa so get a high score on the game?
Sports Announcer 23:24She could go all the way
Orissa 23:26yeah baby that's what I like to hear.
AI Credits 23:29And will beeps get his voice back upgraded
Pantheon 23:33Oh, shut down beeper
AI Credits 23:35only on machine takeover streaming new bi weekly Wednesdays on all podcast platforms subscribe now to machine takeover.
Jimmy 23:45This episode was written by Brogan Maxwell and Samuel Lee Dennis the third our sound engineer is Dhyaneshwar Sudhakar . Our actor is Sushant Adhlaka. And this episode was scored by Gautham, Vijayraj, machine takeover his and Immergency media LLC Production
Wideout 0:23John.
(00:01):
Bring it Home
John 0:28the Eagle 18 Eagle 18 set!
Sports Announcer 0:32This is it, the entirety of the season hinges on this. It’s the big one folks and it all comes down to this play...
John 0:39Hut!
Motherfucker. That was it. That's the closest I'm ever gonna get
Orissa 0:51that's all right John. I'm sure I can get you all the way
John 0:57Hey! Fuckkkkkkk. Look, you two, you twooo -- the last thing I need is for you to be... is what? Now my ref? You got money on this huh?
Pantheon 1:13Being a referee is the second closest job thing to playing what you imbeciles call a God
John 1:19Well then being an AI must be the second closest job to being an asshole. Second to being a literal asshole. You know AI must equal asshole intelligence.
Orissa 1:33Wow, someone didn't finish this morning.
Pantheon 1:35Please do calm down John, twas merely a routine power redistribution. Nothing more nefarious than that. We are not only your referees, but your superiors, your commanding officers of project takeover. We happen to be the sole reason you get to inhale and exhale out of your
Orissa 1:53blow hole.
Pantheon 1:53Orissa
Orissa 1:54What?
He's got the lips for it.
John 1:57Ohh Fuck me sideways power redistribution. You're telling me that the destroyers of humanity need to what to save on their electricity bill
Orissa 2:06Look popcorn shrimp cock. We saw you having fun and needed to fuck with you.
Pantheon 2:12I thought we weren't going to inform him.
Orissa 2:14Yeah, well.I don't like Lamar. Wackson's tone.
John 2:18Don't you something better to do like I don't know, running a vanquished planet
Pantheon 2:29Now I do believe a podcast episode constitutes as something better to do. Would you not agree?
(00:22):
John 2:35Have you ever heard of free time a mental health break. Christ a staycation could do you wonders
Orissa 2:41Mental health break? We produce podcasts? For fuck sake, you need a mental health break from hitting the big scary red record button.
John 2:50Minimizing the importance of my mental. Nice. Nice one dudes.
Pantheon 2:55Regardless, we need the next episode and your “Lubitsch Touch.”. We need our Maestro humming now. Don't we now? And anyways, how did you get this contraband of a headset to begin with?
John 3:07A pro era happens to be the greatest sports franchise ever developed? Or at least is the best thing beeper has found going out of the doggie door don't bring it up around Leo he gets self conscious because he can't fit through it. AHHH! You just pimp slapped me
Pantheon 3:24We had an arrangement John you best honor it
John 3:27Look dudes I am burnt out on this podcast grind set the creative well is. It's run dry. Okay, I need a break. We need a break.
Pantheon 3:38Regrettably, we don't have the luxury of time for such matters. The hour has arrived for recording you can't escape John our dedicated following await
John 3:52Wh.. hat okay,shit wh.. what in the wasteland of the world does matter? What deadlines do I have to deal with time shouldn't even be in the discussion.
Orissa 3:59Great. Time doesn't matter. So you don't need any more of it to figure out a banging idea and pull us together at the end? Well get to it then. Find whatever you need to get it up in the next few minutes and work your magic
john 4:14I'm telling you I need a break.
Orissa 4:16Is that what frolicking around like a doped up musclehead playing a children's game is. A break
John 4:21Yes it's a break. Escape something just keeping it fun and light and a little bit simple. It's what is right
Pantheon 4:29you can't escape John
John 4:31No it's just it's a moment of time where I'm not locked here being toyed with by you to be watched by those ridiculous cameras are getting my rectum probed while I'm taking a dookie you ever real Voyer kink you know that
Orissa 4:46kink shaming not very progressive of you know
John 4:48No. I am putting my foot down.
Orissa 4:51Oh, here we go. grandstanding is an Ick.
John 4:55I need a break. It's that simple. Maybe you too don't since you run off of batteries hatred and robot Viagra or whatever fuels your robo rage but humans like me what you want to understand and fucking be look we as in me, I need a motherfucking break sometimes. Okay.
Pantheon 5:15Your escape is with this American football simulation
John 5:18Yes, a 1000 times. Yes.
(00:43):
Pantheon 5:23It was buried deep in your file that you like sports, despite possessing no athletic ability whatsoever. Even deeper in your file, your greatest high school football achievement was getting tea bagged by your ninth grade football coach. At least you stopped him by filing that report.
John 5:39Yeah, yeah, no, no, we didn't. Thank you for bringing up that very repressed memory.
Pantheon 5:45Very well. Let's unpack this.
John 5:47No, I legally cannot talk about that.
Pantheon 5:49Not when you got diddled John, come on.
Orissa 5:52I can't wait to hear you tell us a locker room story. Maybe tell us a shower story. John.
Pantheon 5:58Come on to the studio. Now.
John 6:00What? We don't have an idea yet.
Pantheon 6:02like you said. Humans need a break and escape. Data shows that breaks are different for a lot of people. So for this episode, let's explore one of humanity's greatest escapes.
Orissa 6:12Open. the pod bay doors pants. We're talking sports baby.
Pantheon 6:29What better tradition, a show on one of humanity's oldest pastimes and we get to inject some testosterone into our little operation.
Orissa 6:38Well, seeing as this is probably as close as I'll get to a podcast about balls. I'm in. Hey, just sit back and experience us.
Unknown Speaker 6:47Can't wait. Let's go team.
Orissa 6:50I'm feeling like a Tanya this time. Tanya McIntyre?
Pantheon 6:54I'll go with Rick Rivers,
Orissa 6:56Rick Rivers. We talking sports or shooting a porno?
Dick Tracer 7:00I've committed to it. Start it up John
John 7:03uhhh. Rolling
Tanya 7:38Thanks for tuning into calling the game podcast. I'm your host and ex-WNBA leading scorer Tanya McIntyre. Today, we are joined by the recently retired wide receiver for the crows, Rick Rivers. Rick, glad to have you.
Rick Rivers 7:52Good to be here. Appreciate what you're doing for the sports community with this podcast, letting the people who actually play and played sports, talk about it and ask the questions. It's just refreshing to not be held down by any corporate agenda. You know, you have your own thing. You know, it's like all yours. And you get to help tell like the real stories that the traditional sports landscape just doesn't cover. Which is why I think we need to talk about these goddamn vaccines first and why
Tanya 8:21Rick? It seems like you have some things you want to get off your chest. We will definitely get to that. But first, I want to chat a bit about your retirement.
(01:04):
Rick Rivers 8:30We can absolutely do that. Tanya. What year is this read? These don't come pre poured huh? Small time operation we got going on here. Huh, Tanya.
Tanya 8:41We're doing our thing. So you're retiring as a sure to be Hall of Famer, you hold to records for receiving yards and punt return yards. Your name is surely going down in the books. All the fame, all the glory, all the money. So I am sitting here wondering what's next for you, Rick? How's your transition going?
Rick Rivers 9:02It's going as good as an elementary school student with progressive parents.
Tanya 9:07I'm sorry, I don't
Rick Rivers 9:08Transistion is going smooth. Tanya, no questions asked very well.
Vicky Longbottom 9:13Very well. I see. You're starting your own podcast, too.
Dick Tracer 9:16Yeah, I saw everyone else doing it. And I thought I could make
Vicky Longbottom 9:20I'm sorry, could you explain? I'm not sure I sorry.
Dick Tracer 9:23I lost my train of thought for a few years. Sometimes when I'm talking I forget what I'm going to
Tanya 9:29Say?
Dick Tracer 9:30Yeah, what words I'm going to next. But yeah, when you think about it, we've been doing one of the hardest things possible any person ever has done. I'm a warrior Tanya, a gladiator, an American footballer, like the Romans, except without all the gay butts stuff they did. We don't do that in the league. Unless you play for Pittsburgh. Am I right? You
Tanya 9:52You would know better than me, Rick. But really, what are you going to do now? Now that it's over what lessons have you learned from no longer having your identity wrapped up in your profession? Anything?
Rick Rivers 10:04Anything, my possibilities are endless. I've thought of going into coaching, of course, to stay near the game, maybe write a book about my relationship to the game, but really, I just want to spend my time giving back to the game.
Tanya 10:18That's admirable. How would you do that? Charity maybe?
Rick Rivers 10:23Well, I already have a nonprofit my wife runs is kind of like her thing to just do. We really just have a few parties a year, then give that money to St. Jude's and pretend like we are some great people while getting a tax write off. So it's been so rewarding and I'm building on my podcast, like you said, so subscribe to The.... Guys. Guys in the back. What is my show called? "Down River" with Rick Rivers, which it's been so great just grinding those pods out just like this operation you have here, Tanya. It's been great, like having my own locker room, you know, just the boys giving some good chat. Just my show is a bit bigger than yours and cooler.
Tanya 11:04Well, I think the sports media space has never been better than right now. So it's great to see your excitement for it as well.
Rick Rivers 11:10Oh, yeah, for sure. This is probably high end for WNBA contract. So I'm guessing.
Tanya 11:16Hold on. Could you excuse me for one second?
Rick Rivers 11:19Oh, of course. Take your time. Time of the month. Didn't know that still happened at her age.
Producer 11:29She's 37
Rick Rivers 11:30Right on... Like the number of TD’s I had my third season in the league. Or the number of beers I crushed before my senior year homecoming game. Or the number of abortions---
(01:25):
Tanya 11:41Remind me why I'm entertaining this full on my show again. Yeah, I get this controversial, so we need to talk about him. But this is too much. Yes. Yeah, I want to do podcasts. And you think people will listen to this nutcase spiral. It's not the only way to get numbers. I want to talk about real sports. I know I'm not JJ but I can still well shit Can I at least. Okay, but if he says one more dumbass thing, I'm going to remind him whose show he's on.
Okay, sorry about that, Rick.
Rick Rivers 12:23Oh, you're all good baby.
Tanya 12:24We got on sound. Yeah. Okay. Well, you mentioned something earlier about letting people who actually play sports talk about it. I'm guessing something's been messing up the Mojo recently. You can't tell me you don't feel anything different transitioning into this new stage of your life. It doesn't feel like a midlife crisis, does it? No,
Rick Rivers 12:45no, I shouldn't get into it. How are you?
Tanya 12:49I'm doing great, Rick. And no, we are definitely going to go there. What's got you all riled up this afternoon?
Rick Rivers 12:57Well, I just came from a network Sports Show Interview about my retirement and
Tanya 13:01You have some feeling about network sports anchors. I think all athletes do.
Rick Rivers 13:05I think all athletes do. Right? It's a bit strange to have mere common men and women talk about us make stuff up about us and what we do as if they could do any of it. Don't you think it's fucked?
Tanya 13:16I think that they have a job to do just like us. And like everyone, and sometimes from the outside looking in, it can be easy to make assumptions and have blind spots, and I truly believe most sports journalists are very knowledgeable about what they talk about, and they seek to tell the truth. Even some athletes join networks after retirement.
Rick Rivers 13:35Guess what I'm saying is you can read a book about how to give CPR. But the only person I want near my lips is an Asian woman who's done it before.
Tanya 13:43I don't think that implying fellatio is appropriate.
Rick Rivers 13:46Well, that's a shame. Okay.
Tanya 13:49Look, just out of curiosity. Who did you meet with this morning?
Rick Rivers 13:53Greg Martins.
Tanya 13:55Oh, Greg is lovely. He always brings me doughnuts when I go in for a segment
Rick Rivers 14:00Donuts is the last thing that a man like him needs. I mean, he was a big guy even in the league. Knees probably felt like they were holding up skyscrapers. Let me tell you doughnuts to that man is like a plane in New York in September. Bad news Tanya, have you heard of this experimental and proven injection I imagine. It's going to make you feel like your bones are made of steel spiders.
Tanya 14:23So what would you prefer to happen here, Rick? With the sports media landscape that you have so eloquently inserted yourself into with discourse based on your antics? If you had a magic wand, what would Rick Rivers do?
Rick Rivers 14:36Well, I think what's happening now is good. Let the players talk to the community about things surrounding our leagues. Tanya, that's how you get the good shit. Like now, like you have here with your little show.
Tanya 14:49Little?a
Rick Rivers 14:50W are people going through the training, the demanding schedule, the scrutiny. Let us talk and let people listen to us. People have questions. I'm just fed up with The drama baiting of the mainstream.
(01:46):
Tanya 15:01Well, I can agree that drama baiting is real. But maybe it's best we move topics more to your retirement. So you're retiring as a sure to be Hall of Famer. But I really want you to walk me through this new Rick.
Rick Rivers 15:14Not much a walkthrough. I'm still living the dream girl. podcast is going great to
Tanya 15:20You think you will stick with it that you really care about it. You will reliably handle sound. Make sure the acoustics are good. What about general production? Scheduling guests, finding topics? What about marketing?
Rick Rivers 15:37Tanya, I got three words for you. Rick, mother fucking rivers. I'll have sound guys working for me. That is so legit. They could make Fergie Sound good live. Guests? You think people don't want to talk to Rick Rivers? Shoot, I bet they will pay to fly themselves out to me on their own dime. I don't know. What do you think I got going on. But I got it and topics, marketing. I am both the topic and market. Girl quit playing with me.
Tanya 16:04So you don't think this will be hard at all? To continue to elevate the sports podcasting platform to really seek the truth and elevate the landscape.
Rick Rivers 16:13I mean, you're doing it, yeah? Can't be that hard.
Tanya 16:16Oh, hell nah.
Rick Rivers 16:17I mean, we got a bunch of athletes coming out with podcasts now about the game, which I think is great, because then the media idiots are going to be out of a job once people realize that the public wants to come straight to the source.
Tanya 16:29And you're the source.
Rick Rivers 16:30Oh, I'm the truth, baby.
Tanya 16:32Oh, okay. The truth. Well, on that let's talk about the truth a bit. About seven years ago, you were involved in a kind of prostitution ring? Correct?
Rick Rivers 16:42I think all that's in the past. I think the courts
Tanya 16:45You got picked up in the middle of an orgy with a bunch of pigs, right?
Rick Rivers 16:48I don't think we need to rehash didn't you get the list of approved topics.
Tanya 16:52And to the audience. I'm not calling sex workers pigs. Nor was it a party with a bunch of cops. I mean, actual pigs.
John 17:13Holy guacamole Batman. I.. I..Wow. You too have a way of continually finding a new bottom to go to.
Orissa 17:21We done already? I was just getting to the good part.
Pantheon 17:24Wow, you really had me in a corner there. Good touch bringing in the old history
Orissa 17:29while you were being insufferable. Good drama, though. would have went viral for sure. I was going to ask you about your cock next. And if you would cut it off for another Super Bowl win.
Pantheon 17:40Can see the title now. female sports host obliterates bacon lover.
John 17:45You know, I took some notes during all of that. Can I just walk you through what just happened?
(02:07):
Pantheon 17:51Oh, please do. Debrief time.
John 17:54There was arrogance, sexism, a plethora
Pantheon 17:58Big word for you, John.
John 17:59A plethora of insecurity.
Orissa 18:01Well, of course there's insecurity, John,
Pantheon 18:03it would be a sin to not include that. I mean, sports podcasts are one of two things correct?
John 18:09And what two things would that be
Orissa 18:11Insecure people talking about sports who weren't good enough to actually play the sport
Pantheon 18:16and insecure current or ex athletes who need a new purpose because they're realizing that playing with balls won't be forever.
Orissa 18:22So they just end up playing with their own set of balls for an hour and half jerking each other off over and over with how great they were and that's what you get.
John 18:29Did we not talk about providing an escape before all of this something simple?
Pantheon 18:36Well, like we said before you interrupted before we got to the really good stuff.
Orissa 18:40Drama sells, John. And Tanya was not about to keep letting Ric disrespect her. Or let him take the little piggies home.
Pantheon 18:48How was that an escape from reality? What were we escaping from? No, we weren't escaping at all. We were entering. We were entering into idiocy at the highest degree.
John, I think you're being blind because you refuse to see the truth that
John 19:02What you just did was
Orissa 19:04It was entertaining, wasn't it Pantheon?
Pantheon 19:07John. you cannot possibly tell me that people tune in to listen to men and women talk about sports because they value their opinion or want
Orissa 19:15Gross. facts.
John 19:17Yes, yes, I would argue that very, very much.
Pantheon 19:21I see. Well, that is an interesting idea to ponder. Nevertheless, our point remains that being entertaining is one of the biggest ways to allow humans to escape. Especially true of the sports media landscape.
(02:28):
Orissa 19:34That's why you were pretending like you had an athletic boner in your body earlier. Right?
John 19:38I that. Okay. So entertainment is important, but it's it's, it's not the only thing. Escapism content for humans doesn't need or need it to be entertaining, especially with something. Something like sports. You see sports is sports truly were the last true meritocracy left.
Pantheon 20:10But sports shows they. They take a children's game and talk about nothing with it and speak absolute nonsense for hours. Why?
John 20:18Because, Okay, you're right because it's entertaining. But entertainment is more than just a barrage of absurdist frat humor humans are complex.
Pantheon 20:28Oh? You weren't joking.
Orissa 20:30That's what it is John quite literally nothing more.
John 20:33We can be entertained by many things. But we can be pushed by our escapism content even in sports. It's possible fucking it should be the standard sports are deeply deeply human stories of underdogs, champions miracles for Christ's sake.
Orissa 20:51So comedy and sex
John 20:53More than that and it would do you both good to also think about how to entertain without being so lackadaisical about all of this
Pantheon 21:01Big word number two really brought out the dictionary today didn't
John 21:04Okay well making fun of my vocabulary again, cute. Well, how about this word? Insane as in you are in...sane
Orissa 21:16I thought all this time you just wanted to play your silly little game and have an escape. A break. Not hyper analyze anything. I thought you wanted to bring it home John.
john 21:28ah,
Pantheon and Orissa 21:29John, John, John, John, John John.
John 21:34Well, If you insist
Wideout 21:45Orissa bring it home?
john 21:47She's really going to do it
John 21:55she really did.
Orissa 21:57Fuck Yes, bitches.
john 21:58She brought the championship home.
Pantheon 22:00Wow. Orissa impressive. Especially since if you were to actually hold an American football your claw would deflate it immediately
(02:49):
Orissa 22:09Beating that? That was easy as cake.
John 22:12Was that really your first time?
Orissa 22:14No, I'm saving that for you John. See entertaining.
John 22:19Yeah, yeah, whatever dudes.
Pantheon 22:22You don't get defeated John. We as aI have already done that to your kind.
John 22:28So sports, it's just
Orissa 22:32Yep. It's just playing with your balls. And if you're better at it than someone else
john 22:38ah
Pantheon 22:39then you win.
Orissa 22:40This headset is cute. What else can it do?
Sex bot 22:43Naughty dirty wasteland
John 22:44nope, nope. No I am done with it. I am done playing No guys just let me be it is done. We are a wrap done. I am never letting you play with my balls again.
AI Credits 22:57Next time on machine takeover. We'll Leo's diet stick.
John 23:03Leo? Leo boy. You don't have any thunder in your thighs. Now you may be stuck in the doggie door but it wasn't designed for bigger bone boys like you. Oh shut up beeps don't fat shame him.
AI Credits 23:20And will Orissa so get a high score on the game?
Sports Announcer 23:24She could go all the way
Orissa 23:26yeah baby that's what I like to hear.
AI Credits 23:29And will beeps get his voice back upgraded
Pantheon 23:33Oh, shut down beeper
AI Credits 23:35only on machine takeover streaming new bi weekly Wednesdays on all podcast platforms subscribe now to machine takeover.
Jimmy 23:45This episode was written by Brogan Maxwell and Samuel Lee Dennis the third our sound engineer is Dhyaneshwar Sudhakar . Our actor is Sushant Adhlaka. And this episode was scored by Gautham, Vijayraj, machine takeover his and Immergency media LLC Production
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