February 26, 2024 • 53 mins
In this episode, Kofi aka Mr Chezzze , our special guest, is not only a Children/ Young Peoples Practitioner, but also an old friend and he brings a gripping tale of transformation from his Ghanaian roots, through tumultuous teenage years to becoming an inspiring mentor. Join us as we listen to Kofi's incredible journey of resilience, redemption, and exploring his passion for working with young individuals. We also delve into weekly reflections and stories shared by our hosts, including powerful accounts on overcoming anxiety and reasserting faith, amusing tales from the nursery, and an intimate recount of a cherished love note from a vacationing son.
Our conversation takes a holistic view of personal growth, focusing on genuinely acknowledging our shortcomings and understanding the importance of therapy in various forms. From professional guidance to heartfelt talks with loved ones, we stress the importance of honing constructive criticism and authentic dialogue. We also discuss Kofi's unique approach to discipline that leverages the interests of young individuals to inculcate good behaviour, underscoring the significance of relating to and understanding younger generations.
From cultural diversity in parenting and its impact on child growth to exploring the compatibility of various cultures, our guests recount their childhood experiences and discuss the generational knowledge carried down within families. These introspective narratives bring to light the implications of cultural diversity and acceptance in parenting today.
Finally, we move towards understanding the essence of education on children's psychological and emotional development. Reflecting on changing teaching attitudes, the episode provides a comprehensive narrative to navigate the complexities of raising children in a diverse world.
Join us as the discussion narrows down to Ghanaian fatherhood topics. Our guest shares the experiences, cultural expectations, and traditions shaping his role as a father. Not shying away from tricky topics like co-parenting and cultural differences, the conversation exemplifies a journey of embracing roots and understanding identity in a multicultural context. This episode presents an insightful representation of fatherhood and culture.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Me aka the only one here without any kids just yet just you put that in there
okay we put that in there apparently you know so what they've been getting on
to you they have been getting on to me man i've been asking oh we didn't know
you had kids i don't have kids i told you on the first episode some people miss
that so now disclaimer every time we start the episode disclaimer,
(00:20):
there we go and today we have a special special special guest a long time old
school friend yeah He's come to bless the pods and I'll let him do his own introduction.
Yeah. One and only Mr. Cheese. Cheese! Cheese!
We're here, we're here, we're here, we're here, we're here. Come on.
(00:41):
Thank you for having me, boys. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Coffee, man. Love it.
How you doing? You all right? Not too bad. Not too bad. Not too bad. Good.
Now, usually on every episode, we do like a section before we get into it.
Weekly reflections where all the
dads basically reflect on something that's happened in the daddy's
world just a little brief something interesting that you
(01:02):
know has happened that you want to discuss I'll let them go
first yeah so give you some time to figure it out should I go first or go first
because I've got a big one of course you do let's hear it the king is here I
got your word innit we clap early because a new daddy I'm a new dad son though
dad of dad of yeah second time dad now,
(01:23):
a missus gave birth to a healthy young boy.
The procedure though, the procedure itself was a bit, it wasn't so smooth.
Had me praying in that, in that, in that, in that labor room.
Yeah, but it was peak bruv, for real fam. The one time, I don't want to go into
too much, but there was one moment where they told me, go and put on the scrubs,
(01:44):
we might have to go to the fair.
And I was like, alright, cause baby's heartbeat was dropping.
Mum's blood pressure was dropping.
So it was a bit mad. fam believe you I was in that I was in that toilet about
to put the scrubs on in my boxers nothing else from the way I was praying fam
I was like vampire vampire vampire
bro I was praying I was praying praying praying praying I come out now,
(02:09):
And it was like, you know what? Baby's heartbeat is raising again.
Amen. And mum's blood pressure is settling again as well.
That is good. So she had to do the push, push, push. And she's a soldier,
bro. She went through it. But yeah, baby's here, healthy.
And I said to myself, from then going on, I even done the fast the next day
to give thanks, fam. I said, I'm going to try and get religious.
I need to try and get back with faith. I went to fast.
(02:31):
I went to fast real tall. I had to show gratitude, fam. Are you mad?
I had to show gratitude, fam. so I went to fast and trying to and trying to
you know it's them life experiences yeah yeah.
Real talk not saying I'm going to be off you I'm going to try to be the best
version I can let's not if you catch me I thought you was I'm trying isn't it
(02:52):
everyone's trying yeah we're all trying yeah we're all trying but that opened
my eyes for real so yeah that's my that's my thing for the week congrats man congrats my bro my,
my one for the week my little one starting nursery okay So we had a day where
we had to do like a trial run, basically
how she will cope, like doing the nursery without us being there.
(03:15):
That was crazy for me, it was a fun experience in it because she had been in
an environment like that.
So I wanted to see obviously how she would get on in it. So we took her there that year.
Everything was all smooth. I was like, oh, this place looks nice and whatnot.
Then she started mixing. I think the kids went out somewhere.
Cause with the nursery, they ain't got a garden.
So what they do now Instead of That Not having that
(03:38):
They take them more outside Okay yeah That could do Yeah like explore more innit
So When I took her there No one was around So it was just me The play area The
teachers Everyone's caught Then the kids came In the nick So I clocked I watched
her I see how she's gonna react So she started clocking the kids And what not,
Then she was fine with it innit Then bro I know it I see one little black boy
(04:01):
This one This one made me laugh Through the whole thing innit I see my little black boy.
He come through, I took the trip, I was like yeah, this guy's- He's going to
be a little bit challenging.
This class bro, I need to look out for this boy innit.
So cool now yeah, we're there. And they were doing like a little like class.
Like, I don't know if you, obviously you've probably experienced a Riola one,
(04:22):
innit? But they get them to like sit down and go from like- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Blow bubbles and whatnot, going through that. And out of nowhere like.
The teacher had a bubble. Like, she blew it.
The kid wanted a bubble, innit? So they was like, no, you have to pop the bubble. He was like, no!
I said, yo, where have I brought my kid to, bro?
(04:43):
This is what I got to do with. Bro, they had to take him to a classroom.
Two teachers on him, bro.
And he's in there. Ah! He's just screaming off his head. I was like,
yo, is this the one I'm coming to bring my kid to?
And they was like, no, he's just the only troubled one in here. What, they warned you?
That's the only person. I was like, you know what, here's where it is, innit?
But yeah we left my little one in there she was there for like four hours came
(05:03):
back as i came back again i see the kids sitting down the teachers i look left
i see my kid just playing by herself she said she's not dealing with this so
well she had a good time at nursery anyway so
that was my little week weekly reflection and again they're used to that so
yeah that was me that's big stuff it's proper different isn't it yeah it's different
well yeah Relieve man He's there You got a little Reflection there Who me Yeah
(05:29):
you That's the coffee You know Yeah,
Put man on the spot I actually Have not got What weekly reflection Yeah It has
to be Direct with kids It could be something,
Positive that happened Like something that Was hanging out For the future Kind of thing Or.
It's good Life's good right now man Yeah Complain I've
(05:51):
got no Weekly reflection I'll be honest I guess the work's just been busy brother
we've had Sky News outside work every day I guess that's the weekly reflection
it's just been a hectic what happened so basically I worked for the post office
inquiry I don't know if you've heard,
they've been scamming apparently it's been all over the news but they released
(06:14):
a series which is why it's now been all over the news the series went viral
this inquiry's been going on for years, nobody cared,
so we've had the BBC outside like every day you get me at work man operate the
cameras and that so we've just been sending a stream to Sky and the BBC all
week you get me so that's big stuff,
(06:37):
that's alright man but definitely needed a drink.
That's every week bro that's my that's my week to refresh he said cold man what
about you my week to refresh don't want to sound soft but it was it was nice
Obviously my son's on holiday with his mum. Yeah, nice.
So it was nice to hear, like, I was having a rough day.
(07:00):
I was just like, man, this is a long day at work. And then got a random voice
note and my son popped up saying,
i love you daddy miss you and then i was just like and you know like i was going
to walk past the jib and go home a minute i just said yeah yeah let me go jimmy that new four sessions.
Or something else obviously my friend enough for
(07:23):
a session but it's actually chest day in it
so yeah but yeah it was good man it was good no but that is off the order that
that stuff makes your day I'm like it's made my day I was just like yeah you
could be having a down day and then when you get that kind of message and he's
starting to dance like me so I'm like oh is it I just got to dance I got to
so I'm like yeah man need to dance,
(07:47):
nah that's lit though I was going to say obviously you're a new guest to the show,
I wanted you to just kind of speak tell us a bit about yourself so obviously
you said your name explain what you do kind of thing many kids yeah kids obviously I'm a,
young people and children's practitioner.
That's what I do for work. Okay. Nice. So to go in a nutshell,
(08:09):
mentoring in schools, colleges, prisons, and the community basically in London.
And yeah, got one son. Yeah.
Ghanian. Yeah. We can see you show them, show them, show them.
Not doing too well at the moment, but you still have to shine it.
(08:32):
Still have to shine yeah man how did you get into that though your job experiences,
just experiences i guess your experiences build you in it obviously you might
know me you're growing up with each other yeah growing up was what was growing up like,
challenging yeah growing up was nice at first yeah then it got to a point where,
(08:57):
now you have it's like you have the opportunity to express yourself and go outside
didn't it fall in love with football you fall in love with your community and stuff,
then your community turns into a dark place as you get older I think it yeah eight times,
that's when it starts and then every man took a sip of the drink cheers yeah man.
(09:21):
Those times there yeah eight times and then a lot of relationships changed like
friendships friends I would have from different parts of the borough,
are now enemies because of the postcode and then after that yeah guy in places was a no-go zone,
you stopped falling out with those kind of things yeah you stopped falling out
(09:44):
you start falling out yeah and then it's like you're two different people in
it come from a a ghanaian background,
where like obviously every family's has their problems in that but everything's
rosy at home And when you step out, it's like you're, I felt like Mr.
Untouchable in it back then. And then, yeah, I was, what do the kids call it now? Tat. Yeah.
(10:09):
Yeah. I say that. And then, yeah, then it just got to a point where,
to wrap up in a nutshell, being involved in such negativity,
parents said, hey, boy, I'm in Pesa, right? I've got Ghana.
Oh, did you actually go? Yeah, man, I got sent back. I got sent back in 08. 08.
(10:31):
I thought you were still about. I got my GCSEs. Yeah. Oh, that was a good time.
I didn't even know. I know. But this is the thing, because obviously after the
madness, which if you guys know, mum and dad were just like.
Kofi, we'll be gone in two weeks. Yeah. All right.
Got on the plane with my uncle. I was gone with my uncle. My uncle's looking
me dead in the face. Kofi, two weeks.
(10:55):
Don't laugh. Au revoir. He's been caught for two years.
And then he said, oh, my boy. I was like, oh, cool.
It's six weeks. I was like, that's my whole summer holidays.
What are you talking about? Cool.
Turned into five weeks. These times, Ghana, Africa's not developed. Ghana in general.
I'm buying, so every day I would at least spend 200 pounds to get phone cards,
(11:19):
which you have to connect to your laptop for internet to work. Stress.
Every time a phone card went, I was pissed off because the internet would go
off. Yeah, everything. Or even if you're charging it, the lights go off.
Oh yeah. And it's not like the phone card stops. It's still running and the
lights are off. And I'm like, oh my God.
I'm communicating with people saying, bro, tell my, tell my parents that you get me.
(11:42):
I've got a man. I'm going to my mom's house. I said, why are you sending,
why are you sending, I'm going to bring it back.
Nothing they can do in it. And then it just got to a point, obviously,
because my father's very, or a lot of African fathers are very strong when it comes to education.
I want to say I was the brightest, but I done all right. And Pope says that
if you come back, are you going to promise me?
(12:03):
Cause my older bro put in a good word for me that you're not going to do anything. Cool.
Didn't do anything. I'm on the plane back. I'm on the plane back.
I felt different. These times I've put on weight because my diet changed.
You're eating Ghana food every day.
I was eating Fufu, all of that. Now I know where that slogan came from.
Yeah, yeah. No, no, I'll get to that. It didn't even come from Ghana. I'll say no more.
(12:24):
And obviously, like, it just got to a point where I was just like,
what can I do to distract myself? Yeah.
Then I started, obviously, where we're from in London is very diverse, innit? Mm.
I started jamming with the Asian love because I went to a predominantly Asian school. Mm.
Come gym bro I was like what nah man I don't need gym bro I'm big as it is then
(12:47):
I thought yeah I need to go to gym because I couldn't run that was the thing innit then,
went gym and I was like rah this pain is different but I like it so then it
became a consistent thing then I'm like rah this is actually taking my time,
but it's product like it's something do something good I'm like cool and then
I'm looking in the mirror I'm like wow I'm wearing shirts and stuff they're
(13:09):
fitted I'm like oh yeah Yeah, tracksuits, meh shit shit, man.
And then, yeah, it just got to a point where I just started separating myself
from people in it because I felt like I'm not perfect, but I don't want to be
in that limelight anymore.
Then when you start going into like society, you're seeing that people are judging
(13:31):
you in it. And I didn't know how to deal with that in it.
At first I'll be like, then I'll come with an old school mentality.
I'm not proud to say it, but I'll get into fights with them.
I'll get punched up. They'll get punched up or whatever.
So then it got to a point as I matured and I was just like, oh,
this is what happens if you're doing something good, come in it.
And then that's when I started like falling in love with like going out and stuff like that.
(13:59):
Even though your pocket is stretching in it when you go out yeah
alcohol could be 20 pounds and
all of that and then yeah next minute
i was just like i like this man i can enjoy enjoying my
life different crowds and all that but obviously people had personal
vendettas because of the past and but certain
people clocked on certain things obviously
(14:21):
one particular person i'll tell you off off camera situation happened
and it was
basically like i was me and a couple other man were just standing there
all the guy had to say was that's them and then
it would have been ask bbc news on the shirt
but he literally just said no they're not involved saw
him the next day i was like bro i know you went garner and
(14:43):
all of that like and i see you doing your thing like and and
you teach my niece oh look at that foot look at
that so i was just like wow and then
we're not nice a family member i said and um
and i was like oh cool so just kept to move and then
went other places obviously because mine was kicking ball and that name got
(15:04):
known hanging around with different people but you don't know that your name
has stretched from your area to different areas due to link ups and stuff like
that and then yeah but apart from that was lit and i just thought I thought
I need to separate myself.
As soon as I started separating myself, it just became a thing where I was just
getting involved in that coaching, mentoring, different type of things.
(15:25):
And then I thought, yeah, yeah, man, I wanna go down the school route.
Decided to do that. Then I saw how messed up education is, especially for colored
people, black people especially.
Then I just thought, might wanna make a difference, but I don't wanna be in the school sector.
That's the way it led me to becoming a practitioner and mentoring and shit, yeah, yeah.
So is that like You're working What's the thing When they used to get kicked
(15:47):
out There was one in Leighton You go Yeah yeah I know what you're talking about
Yeah yeah I used to It used to be like They call it Prue It's a Prue Prue They
used to call it Pre-proferral units But they don't call it that anymore Due to Like,
because it will because kids are smart of today in it kids are
really like intelligent of today in it so it's like
they can when they hear prude they
(16:10):
automatically think they're not a normal child or something like that so they
call it like they'll just call it by the school's name or they just call it
scns okay just to make it sound cliche yeah so yeah that's about it yeah but
those schools are those schools are either preparing you for the worst or something
because That's how it was back in the day, innit?
Because like some people that was borderline, when they go in there,
(16:32):
they're fully involved now because of the people they meet in there. Yeah.
And it was like, I've never went there, but it sounded like there was lack of,
it's like it was more left to do your own thing. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Security, basically.
Because I would hear about it, because I was like, yeah, there's no way I'm going to them schools.
In school, I'll be a goody two-shoes. Outside, I'll be sat in our seat.
But when I went in there, because I used to work at one in Stratford.
(16:57):
Jesus. It's crazy. Kids are spitting in your face.
Kids are punching you up. So that's where like, like if you're not mentally
prepared for these things, don't work in school. If you haven't got patience,
basically you can't work in these places, isn't it?
So like, it's bad to say that me and my brethrens, couple of men,
I won't say, I will say the area there for, I'll say Hackney. Yeah.
(17:18):
We used to put money down and be like, you know, she's going to be out in that
15 minutes, 20 minutes, an hour and thing.
And then they'll just keep it moving in it.
Literally kids will just say, what is that your brethren? If the,
if we say no, the kids are going to be on them.
So more time will be like, nah, she's cool. Yes. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, cool.
(17:40):
You're cool with Mr. And then you call the, so you're my people.
Anyone chat to you. Wait, the kids are asking the teacher.
Kids. That's how tough they are. I had a kid who I walked in.
At one time, he didn't, he didn't care for no one in it.
He's the biggest out all the staff
ever. You name it that even if you're taller than him, that he's big.
I walked in fitted shirt, muscle showing a bit, then he's gone to me and.
(18:06):
You think you're bigger than me, eh? Bruh. Because he does boxing.
I've never been punched up like that before in my life. Like,
punched me up like I'm a punching bag.
You lot had a fight or you were fighting? No, he punched me,
innit? Obviously, if I touch him, I'm done. You're done.
So he punched me up completely.
I'm fuming. I'm just looking up to the ceiling already.
(18:28):
Wait, on a serious thing? Yeah, like, he's literally, I'm
here trying to open up
and comfortable with my surroundings especially with the use as well and then
later on i just they gave me time to chill and relax in there and then my bridges
come up to me he's like oh if you know they they're saying that you can go home
i was like no it's not really a good impression if i go yeah oh cool stayed
(18:50):
now then it got to a point where they used to come up to me.
With a note saying man i don't
like it when people are bigger than me or whatnot so i had to punch
you up in my head i'm like the funny means
like this is quite funny but because i'm
quite emotional right now i'm thinking oh god if
(19:10):
i catch this you on road like yeah my medicine was
like that yeah yeah man but then me
and him got to know each other and then as time went
along he's now like me
and like mentoring him and like because they assign you to
your unit and then boom like now he's doing what is
it he's in late in sixth form okay doing
(19:32):
a plumbing course in it right you know the asian them in
a pattern if they go into sign you may not see it but they've
got like family members who are just going
to put them on straight and like he's living
and all that so yeah man it's all right man like you said that i can see it
in it it might be calmer for me because of what i've done in my past is where
it isn't i feel like that's why it's important coming from your background or
(19:56):
switching over in it because you can understand it yeah i wanted to ask that.
What's that what's your view as a as a black father
as well when you experience stuff like that i didn't
even ask this was that he was talking about is he because he i don't know you
said he was in asia but what's it that have you come across any that black children
(20:17):
or yeah there's a lot of black kids that for me you know when a lot of women
would say you need that the the father is important, isn't it?
Father always important, yeah? I'm not gonna lie to you, I didn't understand it.
Because to an extent, I didn't see it. Do you understand? I only saw,
I don't know if you man can relate, but I only saw, Kosiyawa hadya,
(20:38):
Kosiyawa hadya, Kosiyawa hadya, Kosiyawa hadya.
To the audience that I don't understand that means, go and learn,
go and learn. Go and learn, yeah, you get it.
When I'm having that in my head, that's all I know, innit? So I don't know how
to, like, it's only, I think I started communicating properly.
Obviously I can communicate if I'm comfortable, if I've known you for a long
time, but having like general serious conversations, I wouldn't know how to
(20:58):
go about, even sometimes speak to women, innit?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was a bit like, or opening up in other words,
I would say. So 29 was the time when thing, innit?
Cause I even, what was it? I think like three to four years ago, like therapy, innit?
I invested into that, innit? oh so try and help me out in it to see okay where
can where am i going wrong because you know like again ask my parents what do
(21:24):
you think of me going to therapy.
Dad was just like hey i won't buy it away
i was like
man then i started speaking to my cousins and they
recommended me to some people and then yeah man done that
it was quite overwhelming but then i thought raw raw
(21:47):
so yeah man i've always said like oh god
i was literally gonna say what what actually made you go therapy
what made me go into forever like just
like you know like when you get a disappointing like obviously
let's keep it real with football yeah yeah i love football
obviously you man can tell you might have kicked
the woman so it's like and when
(22:09):
you put in the work because i've gone abroad to actually go places
and i've seen stars in it yeah and when
you're when you're getting hit back with because you
haven't got that experience or somebody isn't
at a back you're just coming off your own back in it yeah right and they just
knock you back with oh we'll get back to you so in my head i'm thinking let
(22:30):
me go back to london and then then then age is coming on right there you go
getting older brother it's not always going to be like this so So,
and then I just thought to myself that,
rah, then I don't want to be one of them people that.
Paying bills yeah you're just working and paying bills that's your life i would
(22:52):
actually want to enjoy my life so that's when i thought to myself,
i might have to do something like what you might not doing in
it i might like i'll talk to you later but i'm even trying to cook up a little
tune as well like just something like that yeah give me the freestyle even back
in the day i used to spit and that you know yeah i used to i was all right in
(23:12):
it so in my head i'm just thinking you can enjoy this life man
Like, you don't necessarily have to be serious or that, like you can do them things, isn't it?
So I just thought to myself, I need to speak to someone because if I speak to
a Ghanaian, they might not get, like, it's just going to be thrown back in my
face, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.
So as I spoke to the individual, and it helps because the person was also black.
(23:35):
So like, they understood. So I was just like, rah, like, okay.
I learned so much about women. I learned so much about like being a father.
I learned so much about, what's it called?
What can i say yeah just being a how to
conduct yourself in society and not take things to heart all
the time in it so yeah because i've
(23:55):
got this model where i'm very selective with my energy
and obviously i'm seeing i'm sure i'm sure that you guys
see me on snap where i'm doing crazy things i don't if i show that to people
yeah but it's a thing where like i'm selective if i know you like i know you
guys i'm gonna i'm gonna be the mature coach the mature me me yeah she gets
(24:15):
so it's that to people, I don't know strangers if I'm out,
I call it, gracias Sam.
You're going to get all of that in it.
So you're going to get all of that in it.
If like, can I swear on this? Yeah, if I fuck with you, if I fuck with you,
so then it's going to be the real me, innit? Do you get it?
(24:37):
And a lot of people are now gravitating towards that, innit?
So yeah, I'm just selected with your energy, innit? That's what I was going to say.
It seems like listening to your story, it seems like your life experiences shaped
you in this way and then even led you to go and do therapy.
Like a lot of people think about it, but never go around to doing it.
Therapy could even be like you chatting to your brethren. or
(25:00):
chatting to your girl or whatnot it
just needs to be like from an honest place and you need to
be willing to take that harsh that harsh that constructive criticism so yeah
that's about it I know yeah I was gonna that was gonna lead me on to ask you
as well so it seems like you're a calmer person now innit and you're working
with these young kids that sometimes misbehave I wanted to ask is there a technique that you use.
(25:25):
To I don't want to say punish but kind of
keep the kids controlled if they do step out of line
obviously for me for well previously
like well now same similar thing like when i
was working in a certain place like every kid wants to be the
next it's not like our day everybody wants to be the
next theory on reading now everybody wants to be the next stormzy yeah
(25:46):
low skill something yeah so i just
take away your studio time okay there's kids
that have been offered that i've given them opportunity saying that yeah i've
got a studio for you to go to because you're doing so well i'll take you there
if i've heard that you've done something mad it's scrapped off and you know
that you can't do me nothing because i'm even though i'm of age and older yeah
(26:06):
you're i still we still have the same similar interest in it so it's like.
As long as you can relate to them, you're calm, innit?
It's so interesting that you say that because even from a dad's point of view,
I don't hit my daughter, I don't hit my children, but I do the same kind of tactics.
So if she's not listening, for example, if she's on a tablet and she's not listening,
(26:29):
I'll take away the tablet.
You'll cry a bit, you'll do what I asked you to do, and then you'll get the tablet back in it.
So that concept is similar in a way. Yeah, with my son, my son is quite different.
I'll just, I'll just like tease him with food.
I might be eating fufu. My son's done something wrong. He's messing around.
(26:51):
I'll just be eating in his face. Yeah.
Are you going to apologise? Oh, a journey with him at that? My son is like, did I have some, daddy?
Coming up from my stomach.
Know the stuff that your parents just cut it's installed in you innit so yeah
(27:12):
man yeah man you definitely picked that up innit them things that your parents
used to say you start you start lacing it now your parent yourself,
when you say it back to your parents oh it's a disrespect it's a disrespect for it so I'm just like,
what that even leads me on to ask like
did you have any have you ever dealt with any like difficult parents oh
(27:33):
yeah even till now yeah it's like you have
to that's why i'm saying you have to be patient within certain industries
and especially like working with kids in it because you're gonna
see certain things you don't like like there's
some fathers like there's a lot of fathers that are teaching me it's important
to be in your son's life in it yeah because i'm not saying i was the greatest
father yeah there's once for the time where i'll be doing what i really want
(27:56):
to want rather than seeing my son in it yeah and a lot of man can't open up
and say anything yeah shame didn't it at the time you you know you're,
you're, you're ashamed,
but what you're doing is it doesn't, it's like, yeah, okay, cool.
It is what it is, isn't it? But.
As time got along, then I thought, nah, I don't want my son to grow and then
be- You're only hurting yourself in the end. You're only hurting yourself.
(28:17):
That's it. Because it's going to come down to you. So I just thought,
maybe pattern. That's why people see my son on socials and all that.
Like people, like people, obviously I've got mad a few times with people's judgment with that.
Why are you always posting your son? You know, there's creeps out here.
And I was just like, if you knew me, you know, no one's going to play.
(28:38):
So like, and these are memories, isn't it? like because i'm not gonna look like
this forever soon this beer is gonna be white.
So it's like okay cool my son's gonna be bigger
than me soon like i'll be probably looking up to him so yeah man just keep memories
and and just enjoy 100 you see um like what you're doing for now yeah i've i've
(29:01):
just deep what you're saying you're like in terms of dealing with the kids it's
going to be a bit more higher in terms of like emotion.
So like, how do you lot deal with like, for instance, if someone's like getting
bullied where you are, is it something that is a bit crazy?
What do you mean? You know how like in school there's always like kids.
(29:22):
Yeah. Picking on, picking on kids and whatnot.
But I'm thinking from what you're doing, it's going to be a bit more extreme.
You know what people coming from different, you'll be surprised now,
yeah, especially improves the last period that I was working in.
The kids were encouraging each other serious to
like do better so if they see
a man bullying more time they're ever gonna say don't do that they're
(29:44):
giving you free chances or you're getting you know what's coming next in
it so and it was surprising to see
because in our day if you see a man bullying your friend
it's like it's world war three isn't it every man's doing the
thing in it but i guess as time goes on these are maturing and
realizing to get to the bag i gotta
get a better education because at the
(30:05):
end of the day you're always learning in it education's key in
it yeah it's not only school you're always learning it's like
me i could be learning from you lot in it especially this guy this guy's been
a brain out for years bro but i'm telling you another person says henry bernie
i went primary school with this guy bro oh you might say primary school first
first ever brethren's in this in this yeah yeah oh are you my same year yeah oh Oh, so that,
(30:28):
yeah, so music would, yeah, man, so I feel like.
With that, it's just about, for me, I would deal with it in a way where I'm
blessed. I'll sit down, have a conversation with them.
What's the problem? Why are you picking on him? I would tease both of them,
get to a point where I would say that.
Well, how would you like it if he said you're fat? How would you like it if
(30:50):
he said your head's like a peanut? And then I gave an example.
Me, back in the day, the amount of people I punched in the face for calling
me blick, I couldn't take that.
But look, blick is popping now, isn't it? They say cask is popping now.
Now, now, now everybody wants melanin.
Everybody wants melanin. So, and I don't understand because the same people
(31:12):
that want melanin are the ones that you're casting in school.
And those are the ones that are looking. This is it. It's trends,
isn't it? It's trends. People are sheep. So they just follow, follow, follow.
Even though before they might've looked at it and thought, yeah,
that's right. Because everyone else is casting it. They jump on the back. That's what I'm saying.
Everybody's just following a trend. Yeah. Just like, rah, it's crazy.
What's going on, Art? You see how he was in, he worked in schools for a bit.
(31:33):
And you said it was it was just tragic yeah
what would you what what was the
difference you'd say between that education when we
was in school compared to that now teachers that actually cared was back in
our day there was actually things going on like there was yeah but i would say
it's worse now but yeah i would say you know like you would have teachers who
(31:58):
they understand understand the type of community you're coming from, you understand?
And they know what, what there was one particular teacher.
I always say the other guy's name, obviously I'll just say he's Jamaican.
You probably know what I'm talking about. Yeah.
He was on me and him in it because we're both coming from similar same area different,
(32:21):
different ethnicities but it's like he was just that focus and he would be on
us if something bad happened because there will be a fight back then i love
to fight playtime fighting i'm involved.
Yeah i was like i was like
everyone that if there was people that i didn't even know
(32:41):
that wanted me so that's how bad it was yeah so and
then it just got to a point where as you
got old as we got older it was just like raw man
can do something different but in terms of education like they don't
care about if you're not reaching a certain grade you're getting left behind
do you understand now i understand when you see when your parents are like you
(33:02):
that's probably why they're saying it you got left behind you're getting left
behind in it because in certain subjects i wasn't doing doing that, doing well,
like science, I done, yeah, I was, whew, yeah.
So I unmatched a bit, but it was just like, you're getting left behind.
And if you're not trying, then it's like the teacher, you'll feel like a ghost in school.
(33:25):
You're just going to school just to, just to attend.
So are you saying is better now, they care more now or they care less now?
They care less now. Oh, is it? I guess there's a way to say it.
Look how much, look how much murder's there, even though it was happening back in the day.
The kids don't care now. The kids are like, yeah, school ain't helping.
What am I doing in school? Kids are honest. I've had a kid say to me, what am I doing here?
(33:47):
Would you say it's more society, the way society, that's the teacher's fault
and more because of what society is now and that everything is now.
I think it's a bit of both. It's a bit of both. I would say like, it starts from home.
Like, it doesn't matter what ethnicity you are. Kids need love.
That comfort in it, to know that if they're going back home,
it's not going to be arguments or some uncomfortability.
(34:08):
And it also, also another thing where
when they go to school they're not feeling left out they're
not always getting picked on they're not always saying because sometimes you know
when the teacher may not mean to pick on them like that he's just
picking on them because he wants you to do better or something he sees
potential in you he or she sees potential in you that's literally it but sometimes
obviously you're a kid you're full of emotions and all of that so you don't
(34:32):
know what's going on but yeah i'll say now because even when i was like even
with my job like i've confiscated weapons I swear,
I'm not saying I'm perfect because once upon a time I was doing holding such
things but weapons that are bigger than my bicep and I'm thinking what are you
going to do with this kids will reply got to get the ops in it sir,
(34:56):
it's crazy yeah did you not see the video of that kid in the chicken shop.
I was going to say this is some people's argument exactly so he was oh was it
the one standing outside last year times No,
he was inside the chicken shop with his girlfriend and basically two youths
have come outside the chicken shop. They were zombie knives, both of them.
(35:18):
And he's basically taken out his zombie knife in the chicken shop and dashed.
Basically, if he didn't have his knife, he would have been brown bread, didn't he?
And that's, you probably get told that some, some kids carry the protection and stuff like that.
So it's just, it's crazy. It's like, it's like a part of life now.
It's a way of life. what else are we supposed to do because us growing up,
(35:40):
Even though there was madness happening, everybody was playing football or doing something, you know?
That's why, that's why, like, I'm thankful iPhones weren't about back then.
Do you understand that? Because everybody will be on their phone.
Every man was crazy back then. You would have purchased weapons like the kids.
You would have done it. Back in our days as well, it was mainly like,
(36:02):
what was going on, mainly like Wolf and Forest.
You might hear, knew them a bit sometimes.
Mainly for us, lot was like wolf and forest knew him yeah maybe not really but
now you can hear what's going on northwestern and then it's making people think
oh what they're doing like that we're like that as well we're doing this that
yeah that's like london now you go out to manchester oh yeah,
(36:25):
london in a way yeah yeah trying to be what london and some of them are worse
no i think i think outside london's worse man way worse way way worse way yeah
way worse yeah i even see a video some some guy, there's some TikTok video,
some guy went to, where was it?
Somewhere, like, somewhere where you wouldn't think there's these kind of people in it.
(36:48):
Interviewing some little white girl. Have you got ops?
She's like, yeah, I've got ops. I've got beef with Alicia from down there.
If I see her, I'm going to punch her face.
And there's another little kid interviewing her and he's saying,
all right, so what she does is, what are you going to do?
And then she's hyping up again. I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that.
And I'm thinking, a lot of, a lot of this, a lot of these people they feel like it's cool,
(37:11):
so with the social media going around sending it around to so and so so and
so it's just promoting it more so I definitely think social media is a big big
part happy slaps happy slaps yeah that one that one that was pink slaps,
nothing that one was mad that was crazy that was nice because back then I used
to get that big Garnet and trim that I would tell you a Garnet Henry still gets it bro,
(37:37):
we're not gonna lie I had to draw you up, like, you still get it.
Skin fading. I used to get slapped differently. That was why I had my first fight in school.
This is a Guardian culture thing though, isn't it? It's like,
they made sure with their kids, we're going, you're doing this?
Like, I remember one time, do you remember? I got a box, I never knew- Your
(37:59):
box wasn't- No, but I never knew there was two different boxes. I got a box, yeah?
I wanted like the straight up, you remember like, like someone like Tempe T, that straight up box.
I got that, yeah, my barber's going there as well, Kofi, he was like,
are you sure your dad would like this one?
So I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, do it, yeah, yeah, come on, come on, do it.
I went home, my dad brought me back here, he said, no, cut it, do you know what he done?
(38:21):
You know the guy in the box, it goes up, it comes like a flat cap,
and it goes down like that.
They take the front down a bit. He made me shave, shave it off.
So that's what I'm saying, like back in the day, like you even had people that
was not your real uncle, like they would put you in check, because when I was
trimming it, Baba's like, he knows Ghanian culture, he's like,
are you sure you want that?
But nowadays, I don't feel like we've got a lot of that. So I was going to ask
(38:44):
you, working in the schools, do you see like a lot of different,
and even yourself, the mother of your kids, is she Ghanian? No, no, she's not Ghanian.
So it's different culture, isn't it? Do you see any like kind of culture clash or?
Yeah, growing up, obviously my son's got dreads, innit? Oh yeah?
I love that At first Hey Goofy.
Literally you know what's coming At first I was a bit like but as time got on
(39:09):
I was like bruv it suits him and obviously now our culture's taking that on
isn't it so it's like rah come run obviously they're old school innit which
is understandable innit so it's a bit like.
Now they're kind of getting it. They're kind of getting it. Obviously they're
understanding, like a lot of, a lot of the Ghanaians are understanding that
it's not, my child may not get with a Ghanaian girl, but as long as she respects, she can cook,
(39:35):
so it, and she has God, good.
Those are the three things, the key things, isn't it? If you can't cook,
of me, I'm improving my cooking skills.
As a woman, in our culture, yeah, if you can't cook and your mum sees you looking
skinny and that, it's a mad thing.
Yeah, that's the problem. When they see you looking, you're looking different. That's the problem.
(39:57):
But you know what? Just because I've had a, like I said, my son was born like
last week. So I'm going through stuff like this now.
I was going to ask you, yeah, when your son was born, did you,
because we've got a culture.
Yeah. Our parents, like my mum, she wanted to, she wants to bath the child,
innit? Yeah. They do that massage where they pull their limbs and stretch them out.
I used to know about this in the H's. Yeah, I know about it.
(40:19):
I was going to say, did your mum do it? My mum done it. When I brought my son,
mum was like, I need to bath him.
Yeah, yeah. Like this was going on until we hit about one, two, then yeah, she stopped.
But she was doing the most. I was like, oh, is this a traditional thing?
That's a traditional thing, yeah. And then it made sense.
Yeah, because I couldn't picture it. Imagine your girl's not on that.
Because my girl is from Caribbean as well.
But my girl, she's, my girl's a bit cultured. Haddad
(40:42):
even Haddad Jamaican But he's even got Land in
Ghana He had Land in Ghana Rest in peace He had Land
in Ghana When he was here He still has it now anyway Passed it on to the kids
But he's a rasta as well So he's proper in love With Africa innit Yeah So he
passed that On to his kids and that But there's Sometimes you might get With
someone from A different culture That don't understand that So I wanted to find
out From you Did you go through that And what if your girl Wasn't really on
(41:05):
certain Traditions that you Wanted to bring in What would you do.
Put a disclaimer out there I'm single Oh sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, the mother,
I said the mother, the mother of his child, the mother of his child,
my child, yeah, that's a disclaimer,
yeah, so, but it's a, I feel like there was a, mentally, I wasn't good, like, I would say,
(41:26):
because they, you can imagine, once you have a kid, Africans,
Ghanaians, they, they make it look like your whole world's upside down,
especially if you're not with the individual, yeah, so,
just like, hey, coffee, want to share a condom?
When I told my dad, me and my dad had a one, I was a bit of a pussy innit,
(41:47):
I didn't tell my dad innit. Bro is it? I called my brothers first innit.
I told my brother, my brother said, you know like when I'm taking long to answer,
I was just calling, I was like bro, you're done a madness, how you doing,
hey, brahmi's funeral, brahmi's funeral.
He already knew, got to his house, so, you enjoying yo?
(42:08):
I was like, bruv, I'm here opening up to you and you're just,
let me enjoy it. Cause I like seeing you like this. You're not, you're not correct.
We got to the house, bruv, the house, family, us, speaking. Go here. Go and bath.
(42:29):
Wait, who said that? Your brother? Yeah, go and bath. Okay. Go and bath.
Go out. Because I've looked at my parents, heads down like this.
Oh, oh, mum's stamping her feet.
Like this. Yeah. Then I'm like, I've texted my sister.
On a scale of one to 10, how mad are they? Hey, 20. 20? Mad. 20.
(42:53):
But sitting down, having a conversation with my father, because it was like,
I've done the stuff he wanted in it, in terms of education, innit.
So he's looked at it like, okay, now it's about the money.
It's a cap. You're going to provide for this child. And then he saw the hard
graft in me doing my thing as time got along. I wouldn't say I was the best at start.
(43:13):
No, I wasn't the best. But as time progressed, then I realised that,
yeah, man, this kid's going to look up to me innit.
I want to change my morals. I was still going to do Garcia Sama I don't care
but he's going to see a different side to me innit so yeah I just thought yeah
man and it changed me in a way innit so,
wow right man fatherhood so it sounds like your dad's quite in your life like
(43:37):
do you take on anything from him I would say when it comes to being emotional
no because he wasn't like emotionally I feel like we all had that innit yeah
yeah yeah I feel like he wasn't there Because if he was there,
I don't think I would have been involved in that street life growing up.
Okay. Did you live with him? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(43:57):
That's another thing is, I'm sorry to cut you off, sometimes you can live with
them, but they're not really there because they're either always working or... But I give it to him.
Like there'll be times where I remember when I was chilling on the block with
like 30 men. My dad's coming, pulling my ear into the car.
And I understood it. I remember when there was an incident where another area has come.
(44:19):
My mom and dad have pulled up in the middle of a fight. I've just jumped in
and my brethren's jumped in because they know him.
Go on. Do you understand that? Giving me the talk and all that.
And obviously now you look at it, you appreciate it, isn't it?
Like you're like, maybe they don't know how to speak like that.
Because Garnier men are very stern, isn't it?
(44:40):
Yeah. So it's like, they can show it through their actions, isn't it?
So I was a bit like, I'm going to do both.
I'm going to do both. with, because even sitting down having conversations with
my older brothers, they find it difficult to express themselves and all of that sometimes innit.
So now, obviously I'm, now that I've got nephews and nieces,
I got two nephews, one's 17, one's 14.
(45:03):
Okay, that age, that critical age. And nine, then I've got two, the same in Ghana innit.
So it's like, I'm speaking to them innit.
I feel like they're my, they're my kids innit. More time,
they're coming to me for advice and i'm just like hey but then
i can give my then when i think about their questions like
(45:25):
yeah i can talk to them and all that yeah and then it just goes forward
from there so yeah man but it's teaching you a lot in it the hundred percent
time goes on it's probably about balance yeah man 100 man no sick sick sick
you don't got any more any more questions no yeah i think you you covered it
most, I was going to ask about the discipline,
(45:47):
but you already said you don't, you kind of mix it up a little bit.
No, I don't. I used to believe in it.
I used to, but then it got to an extent where I'm just like,
kids of today, kids of today can turn around and say, cause I've seen it and
say, I'm going to call social services. Yeah.
I've even had family relatives do it to uncles and aunties. And so in my head,
(46:08):
I don't want to be in that predicament.
I'd rather discipline you in an old school way. like I don't know if you back
in the day when your mum would say slap yourself.
Hold your ear one foot up like you're doing karate and if you drop,
it's long innit so you start again or do a squat on the wall,
(46:28):
or the worst one I used to get I love my mum to bits but this one I hated she
took my dirty clothes out of the washing machine and bearing in mind I've just
come from football so I've got mud on me she's put them my socks on my head,
my pant on my ear, it was like squat.
(46:49):
You know that one's there, you're thinking why? He's doing it looking like a child.
And then I knew why. My mum gave me the letter. Read this letter.
Kofi was disrupted in the club and bear in mind I'm squatting as well. I dropped,
a day you will see it and so yeah
(47:11):
man right you know something just came
to my mind you was talking about that when you told
your mom that your partner at the time was pregnant yeah she's stomping and
whatnot i was thinking about different cultures as well i read the story on
the on twitter the other day one guy he got five girls pregnant at the same
(47:31):
time and he planned to have their baby shower at the same time i was thinking
if that was the guardian mom,
shut down they've been locked off yeah you're done you're done bro even one
you and you was at decent age in it because what was it 20 my son's four now so 27.
See you've done your thing in life already yeah you're still getting in trouble
(47:51):
imagine about you remember if it was younger because the way i look at it when
i'm looking at seeing men who have 16 year olds,
certain men who are Ghanaian who have 16 years I'm like shall they have how
did you do it how are you like certain men when I'm in the gym shall they yeah alright.
And I'll be like it's been a long road yeah yeah it's been a long road so you
(48:14):
were enjoying from early from early everyone was enjoying though but some men were more careful,
oh yeah some men some men would just rag up careful
but yeah it happens man it's good to have these kind of chats
in there with men because you see guys on the roads you're just passing yeah
cool cool what you're saying yeah yeah but me personally i
deliberately want to walk past you i'm gone long time
(48:37):
oh you know what man's in a rush you know yeah well
why is that though it's because it's it's like
that for a reason yeah you've progressed in life
that's it you want to speak i'm not saying i'm i'm great
in it yeah there's always room for improvement yeah but i
want i want to be around good energy in it
like you know more time you you see people's that
(48:57):
bro a long time I ain't seen you since this and that so why
are you talking about that bro so now it's just like it takes you back to something
so I'm just like yeah man that's dead that's one thing about Enz boy when you
bump into him people always bring it you've even forgot you've blocked it out
but you forgot it but yeah just wrapping up I wanted to say I wanted to ask
unless anyone had any other questions.
(49:19):
Did I wrap up all the questions yeah you wrapped it out well though man,
I wanted to I wanted to ask you yeah cool this is all recorded this is on camera,
you've got a son, so could you give one message to your future son,
if he was to watch this in the future, one message that you would want him to keep? Kind of thing.
(49:39):
There's a few, but one message. If you've got three. Remain patient, love yourself.
Remain patient, love yourself, stay focused and enjoy life. I hear me there.
I'm telling you, I hear me there, that's the reason why I'm saying that yeah.
(49:59):
Bruv, being black is beautiful.
Especially your Ghanaian yeah. Bruv, when you put the Shea Bough or whatever
you use on your skin and the sun hits it, then I was like,
everybody, I even said one time I was in the mirror and I was creaming myself
that everybody that cussed me and said I was bleak thank you thank you yeah
(50:23):
because bruv when the sun hits you it's different and you're seeing this glistening
and then you might be approached by nice individuals.
No Ruchu that was serious though love yourself you have to love yourself love
yourself love yourself it's true we've come from a long place imagine remember
back in the day how it was it wasn't trendy it was not trendy being African was a madness,
(50:48):
and the worst thing about it till this day I won't draw out any names I only
found out certain men were Africans yeah,
recently yeah a lot of men a lot get me Portuguese,
and all of that and say yeah man's Jamaican and that and then I'll be bussing
their parents have a bussing conversation with my parents and Sri is like what
(51:11):
since when hold on wait a minute because I'm hearing I'm out here Like he used to, bruv.
You remember, but you were calm though, innit? Yeah. Yeah.
School they used to say man's full government name they're not missing nothing
and i ain't got no english name yeah they're butchering your name he's all right it starts with henry.
(51:35):
Especially if it's a african parent they're pronouncing it the correct way isn't
it or if it's an english woman she'll be like coffee coffee so and then it starts
a whole another thing so it makes you back then it's like okay proud now it's
different experiences isn't it a lot of kids are,
they're proud and all of that. My nephew's experienced it.
(51:57):
His name's Kwabna, but we call him Kobi for short.
They try to pronounce it and I'm hearing that he's punching man up.
This is why I said love yourself because if you love yourself you know where
you are or whatever. Not saying that he don't love himself. But he's young innit,
14 innit. So I'm like, it's going to happen.
I'm not going to lie to you, like it's going to happen. You're going to experience it. Cause
(52:19):
I was telling him my full name and then he was like he
said sign it kind of made me feel that way he was like that makes me feel
better yeah so it's understandable
in it it's understandable so that's sick
so message love yourself remain remain focused love yourself enjoy loving enjoy
(52:39):
what was it patience no yeah patience love yourself love yourself remain patient
and enjoy life yeah man and it's from Mr.
Yemidex jeez you man are doing good things man this is big this is big this is big man,
(53:02):
it's been a pleasure coming through yeah man it's been a good episode man you
see what I mean but guys we've come to the end of our segment.
Music.
Me aka the only one here without any kids just yet just you put that in there
okay we put that in there apparently you know so what they've been getting on
to you they have been getting on to me man i've been asking oh we didn't know
you had kids i don't have kids i told you on the first episode some people miss
that so now disclaimer every time we start the episode disclaimer,
(00:20):
there we go and today we have a special special special guest a long time old
school friend yeah He's come to bless the pods and I'll let him do his own introduction.
Yeah. One and only Mr. Cheese. Cheese! Cheese!
We're here, we're here, we're here, we're here, we're here. Come on.
(00:41):
Thank you for having me, boys. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Coffee, man. Love it.
How you doing? You all right? Not too bad. Not too bad. Not too bad. Good.
Now, usually on every episode, we do like a section before we get into it.
Weekly reflections where all the
dads basically reflect on something that's happened in the daddy's
world just a little brief something interesting that you
(01:02):
know has happened that you want to discuss I'll let them go
first yeah so give you some time to figure it out should I go first or go first
because I've got a big one of course you do let's hear it the king is here I
got your word innit we clap early because a new daddy I'm a new dad son though
dad of dad of yeah second time dad now,
(01:23):
a missus gave birth to a healthy young boy.
The procedure though, the procedure itself was a bit, it wasn't so smooth.
Had me praying in that, in that, in that, in that labor room.
Yeah, but it was peak bruv, for real fam. The one time, I don't want to go into
too much, but there was one moment where they told me, go and put on the scrubs,
(01:44):
we might have to go to the fair.
And I was like, alright, cause baby's heartbeat was dropping.
Mum's blood pressure was dropping.
So it was a bit mad. fam believe you I was in that I was in that toilet about
to put the scrubs on in my boxers nothing else from the way I was praying fam
I was like vampire vampire vampire
bro I was praying I was praying praying praying praying I come out now,
(02:09):
And it was like, you know what? Baby's heartbeat is raising again.
Amen. And mum's blood pressure is settling again as well.
That is good. So she had to do the push, push, push. And she's a soldier,
bro. She went through it. But yeah, baby's here, healthy.
And I said to myself, from then going on, I even done the fast the next day
to give thanks, fam. I said, I'm going to try and get religious.
I need to try and get back with faith. I went to fast.
(02:31):
I went to fast real tall. I had to show gratitude, fam. Are you mad?
I had to show gratitude, fam. so I went to fast and trying to and trying to
you know it's them life experiences yeah yeah.
Real talk not saying I'm going to be off you I'm going to try to be the best
version I can let's not if you catch me I thought you was I'm trying isn't it
(02:52):
everyone's trying yeah we're all trying yeah we're all trying but that opened
my eyes for real so yeah that's my that's my thing for the week congrats man congrats my bro my,
my one for the week my little one starting nursery okay So we had a day where
we had to do like a trial run, basically
how she will cope, like doing the nursery without us being there.
(03:15):
That was crazy for me, it was a fun experience in it because she had been in
an environment like that.
So I wanted to see obviously how she would get on in it. So we took her there that year.
Everything was all smooth. I was like, oh, this place looks nice and whatnot.
Then she started mixing. I think the kids went out somewhere.
Cause with the nursery, they ain't got a garden.
So what they do now Instead of That Not having that
(03:38):
They take them more outside Okay yeah That could do Yeah like explore more innit
So When I took her there No one was around So it was just me The play area The
teachers Everyone's caught Then the kids came In the nick So I clocked I watched
her I see how she's gonna react So she started clocking the kids And what not,
Then she was fine with it innit Then bro I know it I see one little black boy
(04:01):
This one This one made me laugh Through the whole thing innit I see my little black boy.
He come through, I took the trip, I was like yeah, this guy's- He's going to
be a little bit challenging.
This class bro, I need to look out for this boy innit.
So cool now yeah, we're there. And they were doing like a little like class.
Like, I don't know if you, obviously you've probably experienced a Riola one,
(04:22):
innit? But they get them to like sit down and go from like- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Blow bubbles and whatnot, going through that. And out of nowhere like.
The teacher had a bubble. Like, she blew it.
The kid wanted a bubble, innit? So they was like, no, you have to pop the bubble. He was like, no!
I said, yo, where have I brought my kid to, bro?
(04:43):
This is what I got to do with. Bro, they had to take him to a classroom.
Two teachers on him, bro.
And he's in there. Ah! He's just screaming off his head. I was like,
yo, is this the one I'm coming to bring my kid to?
And they was like, no, he's just the only troubled one in here. What, they warned you?
That's the only person. I was like, you know what, here's where it is, innit?
But yeah we left my little one in there she was there for like four hours came
(05:03):
back as i came back again i see the kids sitting down the teachers i look left
i see my kid just playing by herself she said she's not dealing with this so
well she had a good time at nursery anyway so
that was my little week weekly reflection and again they're used to that so
yeah that was me that's big stuff it's proper different isn't it yeah it's different
well yeah Relieve man He's there You got a little Reflection there Who me Yeah
(05:29):
you That's the coffee You know Yeah,
Put man on the spot I actually Have not got What weekly reflection Yeah It has
to be Direct with kids It could be something,
Positive that happened Like something that Was hanging out For the future Kind of thing Or.
It's good Life's good right now man Yeah Complain I've
(05:51):
got no Weekly reflection I'll be honest I guess the work's just been busy brother
we've had Sky News outside work every day I guess that's the weekly reflection
it's just been a hectic what happened so basically I worked for the post office
inquiry I don't know if you've heard,
they've been scamming apparently it's been all over the news but they released
(06:14):
a series which is why it's now been all over the news the series went viral
this inquiry's been going on for years, nobody cared,
so we've had the BBC outside like every day you get me at work man operate the
cameras and that so we've just been sending a stream to Sky and the BBC all
week you get me so that's big stuff,
(06:37):
that's alright man but definitely needed a drink.
That's every week bro that's my that's my week to refresh he said cold man what
about you my week to refresh don't want to sound soft but it was it was nice
Obviously my son's on holiday with his mum. Yeah, nice.
So it was nice to hear, like, I was having a rough day.
(07:00):
I was just like, man, this is a long day at work. And then got a random voice
note and my son popped up saying,
i love you daddy miss you and then i was just like and you know like i was going
to walk past the jib and go home a minute i just said yeah yeah let me go jimmy that new four sessions.
Or something else obviously my friend enough for
(07:23):
a session but it's actually chest day in it
so yeah but yeah it was good man it was good no but that is off the order that
that stuff makes your day I'm like it's made my day I was just like yeah you
could be having a down day and then when you get that kind of message and he's
starting to dance like me so I'm like oh is it I just got to dance I got to
so I'm like yeah man need to dance,
(07:47):
nah that's lit though I was going to say obviously you're a new guest to the show,
I wanted you to just kind of speak tell us a bit about yourself so obviously
you said your name explain what you do kind of thing many kids yeah kids obviously I'm a,
young people and children's practitioner.
That's what I do for work. Okay. Nice. So to go in a nutshell,
(08:09):
mentoring in schools, colleges, prisons, and the community basically in London.
And yeah, got one son. Yeah.
Ghanian. Yeah. We can see you show them, show them, show them.
Not doing too well at the moment, but you still have to shine it.
(08:32):
Still have to shine yeah man how did you get into that though your job experiences,
just experiences i guess your experiences build you in it obviously you might
know me you're growing up with each other yeah growing up was what was growing up like,
challenging yeah growing up was nice at first yeah then it got to a point where,
(08:57):
now you have it's like you have the opportunity to express yourself and go outside
didn't it fall in love with football you fall in love with your community and stuff,
then your community turns into a dark place as you get older I think it yeah eight times,
that's when it starts and then every man took a sip of the drink cheers yeah man.
(09:21):
Those times there yeah eight times and then a lot of relationships changed like
friendships friends I would have from different parts of the borough,
are now enemies because of the postcode and then after that yeah guy in places was a no-go zone,
you stopped falling out with those kind of things yeah you stopped falling out
(09:44):
you start falling out yeah and then it's like you're two different people in
it come from a a ghanaian background,
where like obviously every family's has their problems in that but everything's
rosy at home And when you step out, it's like you're, I felt like Mr.
Untouchable in it back then. And then, yeah, I was, what do the kids call it now? Tat. Yeah.
(10:09):
Yeah. I say that. And then, yeah, then it just got to a point where,
to wrap up in a nutshell, being involved in such negativity,
parents said, hey, boy, I'm in Pesa, right? I've got Ghana.
Oh, did you actually go? Yeah, man, I got sent back. I got sent back in 08. 08.
(10:31):
I thought you were still about. I got my GCSEs. Yeah. Oh, that was a good time.
I didn't even know. I know. But this is the thing, because obviously after the
madness, which if you guys know, mum and dad were just like.
Kofi, we'll be gone in two weeks. Yeah. All right.
Got on the plane with my uncle. I was gone with my uncle. My uncle's looking
me dead in the face. Kofi, two weeks.
(10:55):
Don't laugh. Au revoir. He's been caught for two years.
And then he said, oh, my boy. I was like, oh, cool.
It's six weeks. I was like, that's my whole summer holidays.
What are you talking about? Cool.
Turned into five weeks. These times, Ghana, Africa's not developed. Ghana in general.
I'm buying, so every day I would at least spend 200 pounds to get phone cards,
(11:19):
which you have to connect to your laptop for internet to work. Stress.
Every time a phone card went, I was pissed off because the internet would go
off. Yeah, everything. Or even if you're charging it, the lights go off.
Oh yeah. And it's not like the phone card stops. It's still running and the
lights are off. And I'm like, oh my God.
I'm communicating with people saying, bro, tell my, tell my parents that you get me.
(11:42):
I've got a man. I'm going to my mom's house. I said, why are you sending,
why are you sending, I'm going to bring it back.
Nothing they can do in it. And then it just got to a point, obviously,
because my father's very, or a lot of African fathers are very strong when it comes to education.
I want to say I was the brightest, but I done all right. And Pope says that
if you come back, are you going to promise me?
(12:03):
Cause my older bro put in a good word for me that you're not going to do anything. Cool.
Didn't do anything. I'm on the plane back. I'm on the plane back.
I felt different. These times I've put on weight because my diet changed.
You're eating Ghana food every day.
I was eating Fufu, all of that. Now I know where that slogan came from.
Yeah, yeah. No, no, I'll get to that. It didn't even come from Ghana. I'll say no more.
(12:24):
And obviously, like, it just got to a point where I was just like,
what can I do to distract myself? Yeah.
Then I started, obviously, where we're from in London is very diverse, innit? Mm.
I started jamming with the Asian love because I went to a predominantly Asian school. Mm.
Come gym bro I was like what nah man I don't need gym bro I'm big as it is then
(12:47):
I thought yeah I need to go to gym because I couldn't run that was the thing innit then,
went gym and I was like rah this pain is different but I like it so then it
became a consistent thing then I'm like rah this is actually taking my time,
but it's product like it's something do something good I'm like cool and then
I'm looking in the mirror I'm like wow I'm wearing shirts and stuff they're
(13:09):
fitted I'm like oh yeah Yeah, tracksuits, meh shit shit, man.
And then, yeah, it just got to a point where I just started separating myself
from people in it because I felt like I'm not perfect, but I don't want to be
in that limelight anymore.
Then when you start going into like society, you're seeing that people are judging
(13:31):
you in it. And I didn't know how to deal with that in it.
At first I'll be like, then I'll come with an old school mentality.
I'm not proud to say it, but I'll get into fights with them.
I'll get punched up. They'll get punched up or whatever.
So then it got to a point as I matured and I was just like, oh,
this is what happens if you're doing something good, come in it.
And then that's when I started like falling in love with like going out and stuff like that.
(13:59):
Even though your pocket is stretching in it when you go out yeah
alcohol could be 20 pounds and
all of that and then yeah next minute
i was just like i like this man i can enjoy enjoying my
life different crowds and all that but obviously people had personal
vendettas because of the past and but certain
people clocked on certain things obviously
(14:21):
one particular person i'll tell you off off camera situation happened
and it was
basically like i was me and a couple other man were just standing there
all the guy had to say was that's them and then
it would have been ask bbc news on the shirt
but he literally just said no they're not involved saw
him the next day i was like bro i know you went garner and
(14:43):
all of that like and i see you doing your thing like and and
you teach my niece oh look at that foot look at
that so i was just like wow and then
we're not nice a family member i said and um
and i was like oh cool so just kept to move and then
went other places obviously because mine was kicking ball and that name got
(15:04):
known hanging around with different people but you don't know that your name
has stretched from your area to different areas due to link ups and stuff like
that and then yeah but apart from that was lit and i just thought I thought
I need to separate myself.
As soon as I started separating myself, it just became a thing where I was just
getting involved in that coaching, mentoring, different type of things.
(15:25):
And then I thought, yeah, yeah, man, I wanna go down the school route.
Decided to do that. Then I saw how messed up education is, especially for colored
people, black people especially.
Then I just thought, might wanna make a difference, but I don't wanna be in the school sector.
That's the way it led me to becoming a practitioner and mentoring and shit, yeah, yeah.
So is that like You're working What's the thing When they used to get kicked
(15:47):
out There was one in Leighton You go Yeah yeah I know what you're talking about
Yeah yeah I used to It used to be like They call it Prue It's a Prue Prue They
used to call it Pre-proferral units But they don't call it that anymore Due to Like,
because it will because kids are smart of today in it kids are
really like intelligent of today in it so it's like
they can when they hear prude they
(16:10):
automatically think they're not a normal child or something like that so they
call it like they'll just call it by the school's name or they just call it
scns okay just to make it sound cliche yeah so yeah that's about it yeah but
those schools are those schools are either preparing you for the worst or something
because That's how it was back in the day, innit?
Because like some people that was borderline, when they go in there,
(16:32):
they're fully involved now because of the people they meet in there. Yeah.
And it was like, I've never went there, but it sounded like there was lack of,
it's like it was more left to do your own thing. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Security, basically.
Because I would hear about it, because I was like, yeah, there's no way I'm going to them schools.
In school, I'll be a goody two-shoes. Outside, I'll be sat in our seat.
But when I went in there, because I used to work at one in Stratford.
(16:57):
Jesus. It's crazy. Kids are spitting in your face.
Kids are punching you up. So that's where like, like if you're not mentally
prepared for these things, don't work in school. If you haven't got patience,
basically you can't work in these places, isn't it?
So like, it's bad to say that me and my brethrens, couple of men,
I won't say, I will say the area there for, I'll say Hackney. Yeah.
(17:18):
We used to put money down and be like, you know, she's going to be out in that
15 minutes, 20 minutes, an hour and thing.
And then they'll just keep it moving in it.
Literally kids will just say, what is that your brethren? If the,
if we say no, the kids are going to be on them.
So more time will be like, nah, she's cool. Yes. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, cool.
(17:40):
You're cool with Mr. And then you call the, so you're my people.
Anyone chat to you. Wait, the kids are asking the teacher.
Kids. That's how tough they are. I had a kid who I walked in.
At one time, he didn't, he didn't care for no one in it.
He's the biggest out all the staff
ever. You name it that even if you're taller than him, that he's big.
I walked in fitted shirt, muscle showing a bit, then he's gone to me and.
(18:06):
You think you're bigger than me, eh? Bruh. Because he does boxing.
I've never been punched up like that before in my life. Like,
punched me up like I'm a punching bag.
You lot had a fight or you were fighting? No, he punched me,
innit? Obviously, if I touch him, I'm done. You're done.
So he punched me up completely.
I'm fuming. I'm just looking up to the ceiling already.
(18:28):
Wait, on a serious thing? Yeah, like, he's literally, I'm
here trying to open up
and comfortable with my surroundings especially with the use as well and then
later on i just they gave me time to chill and relax in there and then my bridges
come up to me he's like oh if you know they they're saying that you can go home
i was like no it's not really a good impression if i go yeah oh cool stayed
(18:50):
now then it got to a point where they used to come up to me.
With a note saying man i don't
like it when people are bigger than me or whatnot so i had to punch
you up in my head i'm like the funny means
like this is quite funny but because i'm
quite emotional right now i'm thinking oh god if
(19:10):
i catch this you on road like yeah my medicine was
like that yeah yeah man but then me
and him got to know each other and then as time went
along he's now like me
and like mentoring him and like because they assign you to
your unit and then boom like now he's doing what is
it he's in late in sixth form okay doing
(19:32):
a plumbing course in it right you know the asian them in
a pattern if they go into sign you may not see it but they've
got like family members who are just going
to put them on straight and like he's living
and all that so yeah man it's all right man like you said that i can see it
in it it might be calmer for me because of what i've done in my past is where
it isn't i feel like that's why it's important coming from your background or
(19:56):
switching over in it because you can understand it yeah i wanted to ask that.
What's that what's your view as a as a black father
as well when you experience stuff like that i didn't
even ask this was that he was talking about is he because he i don't know you
said he was in asia but what's it that have you come across any that black children
(20:17):
or yeah there's a lot of black kids that for me you know when a lot of women
would say you need that the the father is important, isn't it?
Father always important, yeah? I'm not gonna lie to you, I didn't understand it.
Because to an extent, I didn't see it. Do you understand? I only saw,
I don't know if you man can relate, but I only saw, Kosiyawa hadya,
(20:38):
Kosiyawa hadya, Kosiyawa hadya, Kosiyawa hadya.
To the audience that I don't understand that means, go and learn,
go and learn. Go and learn, yeah, you get it.
When I'm having that in my head, that's all I know, innit? So I don't know how
to, like, it's only, I think I started communicating properly.
Obviously I can communicate if I'm comfortable, if I've known you for a long
time, but having like general serious conversations, I wouldn't know how to
(20:58):
go about, even sometimes speak to women, innit?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was a bit like, or opening up in other words,
I would say. So 29 was the time when thing, innit?
Cause I even, what was it? I think like three to four years ago, like therapy, innit?
I invested into that, innit? oh so try and help me out in it to see okay where
can where am i going wrong because you know like again ask my parents what do
(21:24):
you think of me going to therapy.
Dad was just like hey i won't buy it away
i was like
man then i started speaking to my cousins and they
recommended me to some people and then yeah man done that
it was quite overwhelming but then i thought raw raw
(21:47):
so yeah man i've always said like oh god
i was literally gonna say what what actually made you go therapy
what made me go into forever like just
like you know like when you get a disappointing like obviously
let's keep it real with football yeah yeah i love football
obviously you man can tell you might have kicked
the woman so it's like and when
(22:09):
you put in the work because i've gone abroad to actually go places
and i've seen stars in it yeah and when
you're when you're getting hit back with because you
haven't got that experience or somebody isn't
at a back you're just coming off your own back in it yeah right and they just
knock you back with oh we'll get back to you so in my head i'm thinking let
(22:30):
me go back to london and then then then age is coming on right there you go
getting older brother it's not always going to be like this so So,
and then I just thought to myself that,
rah, then I don't want to be one of them people that.
Paying bills yeah you're just working and paying bills that's your life i would
(22:52):
actually want to enjoy my life so that's when i thought to myself,
i might have to do something like what you might not doing in
it i might like i'll talk to you later but i'm even trying to cook up a little
tune as well like just something like that yeah give me the freestyle even back
in the day i used to spit and that you know yeah i used to i was all right in
(23:12):
it so in my head i'm just thinking you can enjoy this life man
Like, you don't necessarily have to be serious or that, like you can do them things, isn't it?
So I just thought to myself, I need to speak to someone because if I speak to
a Ghanaian, they might not get, like, it's just going to be thrown back in my
face, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.
So as I spoke to the individual, and it helps because the person was also black.
(23:35):
So like, they understood. So I was just like, rah, like, okay.
I learned so much about women. I learned so much about like being a father.
I learned so much about, what's it called?
What can i say yeah just being a how to
conduct yourself in society and not take things to heart all
the time in it so yeah because i've
(23:55):
got this model where i'm very selective with my energy
and obviously i'm seeing i'm sure i'm sure that you guys
see me on snap where i'm doing crazy things i don't if i show that to people
yeah but it's a thing where like i'm selective if i know you like i know you
guys i'm gonna i'm gonna be the mature coach the mature me me yeah she gets
(24:15):
so it's that to people, I don't know strangers if I'm out,
I call it, gracias Sam.
You're going to get all of that in it.
So you're going to get all of that in it.
If like, can I swear on this? Yeah, if I fuck with you, if I fuck with you,
so then it's going to be the real me, innit? Do you get it?
(24:37):
And a lot of people are now gravitating towards that, innit?
So yeah, I'm just selected with your energy, innit? That's what I was going to say.
It seems like listening to your story, it seems like your life experiences shaped
you in this way and then even led you to go and do therapy.
Like a lot of people think about it, but never go around to doing it.
Therapy could even be like you chatting to your brethren. or
(25:00):
chatting to your girl or whatnot it
just needs to be like from an honest place and you need to
be willing to take that harsh that harsh that constructive criticism so yeah
that's about it I know yeah I was gonna that was gonna lead me on to ask you
as well so it seems like you're a calmer person now innit and you're working
with these young kids that sometimes misbehave I wanted to ask is there a technique that you use.
(25:25):
To I don't want to say punish but kind of
keep the kids controlled if they do step out of line
obviously for me for well previously
like well now same similar thing like when i
was working in a certain place like every kid wants to be the
next it's not like our day everybody wants to be the
next theory on reading now everybody wants to be the next stormzy yeah
(25:46):
low skill something yeah so i just
take away your studio time okay there's kids
that have been offered that i've given them opportunity saying that yeah i've
got a studio for you to go to because you're doing so well i'll take you there
if i've heard that you've done something mad it's scrapped off and you know
that you can't do me nothing because i'm even though i'm of age and older yeah
(26:06):
you're i still we still have the same similar interest in it so it's like.
As long as you can relate to them, you're calm, innit?
It's so interesting that you say that because even from a dad's point of view,
I don't hit my daughter, I don't hit my children, but I do the same kind of tactics.
So if she's not listening, for example, if she's on a tablet and she's not listening,
(26:29):
I'll take away the tablet.
You'll cry a bit, you'll do what I asked you to do, and then you'll get the tablet back in it.
So that concept is similar in a way. Yeah, with my son, my son is quite different.
I'll just, I'll just like tease him with food.
I might be eating fufu. My son's done something wrong. He's messing around.
(26:51):
I'll just be eating in his face. Yeah.
Are you going to apologise? Oh, a journey with him at that? My son is like, did I have some, daddy?
Coming up from my stomach.
Know the stuff that your parents just cut it's installed in you innit so yeah
(27:12):
man yeah man you definitely picked that up innit them things that your parents
used to say you start you start lacing it now your parent yourself,
when you say it back to your parents oh it's a disrespect it's a disrespect for it so I'm just like,
what that even leads me on to ask like
did you have any have you ever dealt with any like difficult parents oh
(27:33):
yeah even till now yeah it's like you have
to that's why i'm saying you have to be patient within certain industries
and especially like working with kids in it because you're gonna
see certain things you don't like like there's
some fathers like there's a lot of fathers that are teaching me it's important
to be in your son's life in it yeah because i'm not saying i was the greatest
father yeah there's once for the time where i'll be doing what i really want
(27:56):
to want rather than seeing my son in it yeah and a lot of man can't open up
and say anything yeah shame didn't it at the time you you know you're,
you're, you're ashamed,
but what you're doing is it doesn't, it's like, yeah, okay, cool.
It is what it is, isn't it? But.
As time got along, then I thought, nah, I don't want my son to grow and then
be- You're only hurting yourself in the end. You're only hurting yourself.
(28:17):
That's it. Because it's going to come down to you. So I just thought,
maybe pattern. That's why people see my son on socials and all that.
Like people, like people, obviously I've got mad a few times with people's judgment with that.
Why are you always posting your son? You know, there's creeps out here.
And I was just like, if you knew me, you know, no one's going to play.
(28:38):
So like, and these are memories, isn't it? like because i'm not gonna look like
this forever soon this beer is gonna be white.
So it's like okay cool my son's gonna be bigger
than me soon like i'll be probably looking up to him so yeah man just keep memories
and and just enjoy 100 you see um like what you're doing for now yeah i've i've
(29:01):
just deep what you're saying you're like in terms of dealing with the kids it's
going to be a bit more higher in terms of like emotion.
So like, how do you lot deal with like, for instance, if someone's like getting
bullied where you are, is it something that is a bit crazy?
What do you mean? You know how like in school there's always like kids.
(29:22):
Yeah. Picking on, picking on kids and whatnot.
But I'm thinking from what you're doing, it's going to be a bit more extreme.
You know what people coming from different, you'll be surprised now,
yeah, especially improves the last period that I was working in.
The kids were encouraging each other serious to
like do better so if they see
a man bullying more time they're ever gonna say don't do that they're
(29:44):
giving you free chances or you're getting you know what's coming next in
it so and it was surprising to see
because in our day if you see a man bullying your friend
it's like it's world war three isn't it every man's doing the
thing in it but i guess as time goes on these are maturing and
realizing to get to the bag i gotta
get a better education because at the
(30:05):
end of the day you're always learning in it education's key in
it yeah it's not only school you're always learning it's like
me i could be learning from you lot in it especially this guy this guy's been
a brain out for years bro but i'm telling you another person says henry bernie
i went primary school with this guy bro oh you might say primary school first
first ever brethren's in this in this yeah yeah oh are you my same year yeah oh Oh, so that,
(30:28):
yeah, so music would, yeah, man, so I feel like.
With that, it's just about, for me, I would deal with it in a way where I'm
blessed. I'll sit down, have a conversation with them.
What's the problem? Why are you picking on him? I would tease both of them,
get to a point where I would say that.
Well, how would you like it if he said you're fat? How would you like it if
(30:50):
he said your head's like a peanut? And then I gave an example.
Me, back in the day, the amount of people I punched in the face for calling
me blick, I couldn't take that.
But look, blick is popping now, isn't it? They say cask is popping now.
Now, now, now everybody wants melanin.
Everybody wants melanin. So, and I don't understand because the same people
(31:12):
that want melanin are the ones that you're casting in school.
And those are the ones that are looking. This is it. It's trends,
isn't it? It's trends. People are sheep. So they just follow, follow, follow.
Even though before they might've looked at it and thought, yeah,
that's right. Because everyone else is casting it. They jump on the back. That's what I'm saying.
Everybody's just following a trend. Yeah. Just like, rah, it's crazy.
What's going on, Art? You see how he was in, he worked in schools for a bit.
(31:33):
And you said it was it was just tragic yeah
what would you what what was the
difference you'd say between that education when we
was in school compared to that now teachers that actually cared was back in
our day there was actually things going on like there was yeah but i would say
it's worse now but yeah i would say you know like you would have teachers who
(31:58):
they understand understand the type of community you're coming from, you understand?
And they know what, what there was one particular teacher.
I always say the other guy's name, obviously I'll just say he's Jamaican.
You probably know what I'm talking about. Yeah.
He was on me and him in it because we're both coming from similar same area different,
(32:21):
different ethnicities but it's like he was just that focus and he would be on
us if something bad happened because there will be a fight back then i love
to fight playtime fighting i'm involved.
Yeah i was like i was like
everyone that if there was people that i didn't even know
(32:41):
that wanted me so that's how bad it was yeah so and
then it just got to a point where as you
got old as we got older it was just like raw man
can do something different but in terms of education like they don't
care about if you're not reaching a certain grade you're getting left behind
do you understand now i understand when you see when your parents are like you
(33:02):
that's probably why they're saying it you got left behind you're getting left
behind in it because in certain subjects i wasn't doing doing that, doing well,
like science, I done, yeah, I was, whew, yeah.
So I unmatched a bit, but it was just like, you're getting left behind.
And if you're not trying, then it's like the teacher, you'll feel like a ghost in school.
(33:25):
You're just going to school just to, just to attend.
So are you saying is better now, they care more now or they care less now?
They care less now. Oh, is it? I guess there's a way to say it.
Look how much, look how much murder's there, even though it was happening back in the day.
The kids don't care now. The kids are like, yeah, school ain't helping.
What am I doing in school? Kids are honest. I've had a kid say to me, what am I doing here?
(33:47):
Would you say it's more society, the way society, that's the teacher's fault
and more because of what society is now and that everything is now.
I think it's a bit of both. It's a bit of both. I would say like, it starts from home.
Like, it doesn't matter what ethnicity you are. Kids need love.
That comfort in it, to know that if they're going back home,
it's not going to be arguments or some uncomfortability.
(34:08):
And it also, also another thing where
when they go to school they're not feeling left out they're
not always getting picked on they're not always saying because sometimes you know
when the teacher may not mean to pick on them like that he's just
picking on them because he wants you to do better or something he sees
potential in you he or she sees potential in you that's literally it but sometimes
obviously you're a kid you're full of emotions and all of that so you don't
(34:32):
know what's going on but yeah i'll say now because even when i was like even
with my job like i've confiscated weapons I swear,
I'm not saying I'm perfect because once upon a time I was doing holding such
things but weapons that are bigger than my bicep and I'm thinking what are you
going to do with this kids will reply got to get the ops in it sir,
(34:56):
it's crazy yeah did you not see the video of that kid in the chicken shop.
I was going to say this is some people's argument exactly so he was oh was it
the one standing outside last year times No,
he was inside the chicken shop with his girlfriend and basically two youths
have come outside the chicken shop. They were zombie knives, both of them.
(35:18):
And he's basically taken out his zombie knife in the chicken shop and dashed.
Basically, if he didn't have his knife, he would have been brown bread, didn't he?
And that's, you probably get told that some, some kids carry the protection and stuff like that.
So it's just, it's crazy. It's like, it's like a part of life now.
It's a way of life. what else are we supposed to do because us growing up,
(35:40):
Even though there was madness happening, everybody was playing football or doing something, you know?
That's why, that's why, like, I'm thankful iPhones weren't about back then.
Do you understand that? Because everybody will be on their phone.
Every man was crazy back then. You would have purchased weapons like the kids.
You would have done it. Back in our days as well, it was mainly like,
(36:02):
what was going on, mainly like Wolf and Forest.
You might hear, knew them a bit sometimes.
Mainly for us, lot was like wolf and forest knew him yeah maybe not really but
now you can hear what's going on northwestern and then it's making people think
oh what they're doing like that we're like that as well we're doing this that
yeah that's like london now you go out to manchester oh yeah,
(36:25):
london in a way yeah yeah trying to be what london and some of them are worse
no i think i think outside london's worse man way worse way way worse way yeah
way worse yeah i even see a video some some guy, there's some TikTok video,
some guy went to, where was it?
Somewhere, like, somewhere where you wouldn't think there's these kind of people in it.
(36:48):
Interviewing some little white girl. Have you got ops?
She's like, yeah, I've got ops. I've got beef with Alicia from down there.
If I see her, I'm going to punch her face.
And there's another little kid interviewing her and he's saying,
all right, so what she does is, what are you going to do?
And then she's hyping up again. I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that.
And I'm thinking, a lot of, a lot of this, a lot of these people they feel like it's cool,
(37:11):
so with the social media going around sending it around to so and so so and
so it's just promoting it more so I definitely think social media is a big big
part happy slaps happy slaps yeah that one that one that was pink slaps,
nothing that one was mad that was crazy that was nice because back then I used
to get that big Garnet and trim that I would tell you a Garnet Henry still gets it bro,
(37:37):
we're not gonna lie I had to draw you up, like, you still get it.
Skin fading. I used to get slapped differently. That was why I had my first fight in school.
This is a Guardian culture thing though, isn't it? It's like,
they made sure with their kids, we're going, you're doing this?
Like, I remember one time, do you remember? I got a box, I never knew- Your
(37:59):
box wasn't- No, but I never knew there was two different boxes. I got a box, yeah?
I wanted like the straight up, you remember like, like someone like Tempe T, that straight up box.
I got that, yeah, my barber's going there as well, Kofi, he was like,
are you sure your dad would like this one?
So I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, do it, yeah, yeah, come on, come on, do it.
I went home, my dad brought me back here, he said, no, cut it, do you know what he done?
(38:21):
You know the guy in the box, it goes up, it comes like a flat cap,
and it goes down like that.
They take the front down a bit. He made me shave, shave it off.
So that's what I'm saying, like back in the day, like you even had people that
was not your real uncle, like they would put you in check, because when I was
trimming it, Baba's like, he knows Ghanian culture, he's like,
are you sure you want that?
But nowadays, I don't feel like we've got a lot of that. So I was going to ask
(38:44):
you, working in the schools, do you see like a lot of different,
and even yourself, the mother of your kids, is she Ghanian? No, no, she's not Ghanian.
So it's different culture, isn't it? Do you see any like kind of culture clash or?
Yeah, growing up, obviously my son's got dreads, innit? Oh yeah?
I love that At first Hey Goofy.
Literally you know what's coming At first I was a bit like but as time got on
(39:09):
I was like bruv it suits him and obviously now our culture's taking that on
isn't it so it's like rah come run obviously they're old school innit which
is understandable innit so it's a bit like.
Now they're kind of getting it. They're kind of getting it. Obviously they're
understanding, like a lot of, a lot of the Ghanaians are understanding that
it's not, my child may not get with a Ghanaian girl, but as long as she respects, she can cook,
(39:35):
so it, and she has God, good.
Those are the three things, the key things, isn't it? If you can't cook,
of me, I'm improving my cooking skills.
As a woman, in our culture, yeah, if you can't cook and your mum sees you looking
skinny and that, it's a mad thing.
Yeah, that's the problem. When they see you looking, you're looking different. That's the problem.
(39:57):
But you know what? Just because I've had a, like I said, my son was born like
last week. So I'm going through stuff like this now.
I was going to ask you, yeah, when your son was born, did you,
because we've got a culture.
Yeah. Our parents, like my mum, she wanted to, she wants to bath the child,
innit? Yeah. They do that massage where they pull their limbs and stretch them out.
I used to know about this in the H's. Yeah, I know about it.
(40:19):
I was going to say, did your mum do it? My mum done it. When I brought my son,
mum was like, I need to bath him.
Yeah, yeah. Like this was going on until we hit about one, two, then yeah, she stopped.
But she was doing the most. I was like, oh, is this a traditional thing?
That's a traditional thing, yeah. And then it made sense.
Yeah, because I couldn't picture it. Imagine your girl's not on that.
Because my girl is from Caribbean as well.
But my girl, she's, my girl's a bit cultured. Haddad
(40:42):
even Haddad Jamaican But he's even got Land in
Ghana He had Land in Ghana Rest in peace He had Land
in Ghana When he was here He still has it now anyway Passed it on to the kids
But he's a rasta as well So he's proper in love With Africa innit Yeah So he
passed that On to his kids and that But there's Sometimes you might get With
someone from A different culture That don't understand that So I wanted to find
out From you Did you go through that And what if your girl Wasn't really on
(41:05):
certain Traditions that you Wanted to bring in What would you do.
Put a disclaimer out there I'm single Oh sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, the mother,
I said the mother, the mother of his child, the mother of his child,
my child, yeah, that's a disclaimer,
yeah, so, but it's a, I feel like there was a, mentally, I wasn't good, like, I would say,
(41:26):
because they, you can imagine, once you have a kid, Africans,
Ghanaians, they, they make it look like your whole world's upside down,
especially if you're not with the individual, yeah, so,
just like, hey, coffee, want to share a condom?
When I told my dad, me and my dad had a one, I was a bit of a pussy innit,
(41:47):
I didn't tell my dad innit. Bro is it? I called my brothers first innit.
I told my brother, my brother said, you know like when I'm taking long to answer,
I was just calling, I was like bro, you're done a madness, how you doing,
hey, brahmi's funeral, brahmi's funeral.
He already knew, got to his house, so, you enjoying yo?
(42:08):
I was like, bruv, I'm here opening up to you and you're just,
let me enjoy it. Cause I like seeing you like this. You're not, you're not correct.
We got to the house, bruv, the house, family, us, speaking. Go here. Go and bath.
(42:29):
Wait, who said that? Your brother? Yeah, go and bath. Okay. Go and bath.
Go out. Because I've looked at my parents, heads down like this.
Oh, oh, mum's stamping her feet.
Like this. Yeah. Then I'm like, I've texted my sister.
On a scale of one to 10, how mad are they? Hey, 20. 20? Mad. 20.
(42:53):
But sitting down, having a conversation with my father, because it was like,
I've done the stuff he wanted in it, in terms of education, innit.
So he's looked at it like, okay, now it's about the money.
It's a cap. You're going to provide for this child. And then he saw the hard
graft in me doing my thing as time got along. I wouldn't say I was the best at start.
(43:13):
No, I wasn't the best. But as time progressed, then I realised that,
yeah, man, this kid's going to look up to me innit.
I want to change my morals. I was still going to do Garcia Sama I don't care
but he's going to see a different side to me innit so yeah I just thought yeah
man and it changed me in a way innit so,
wow right man fatherhood so it sounds like your dad's quite in your life like
(43:37):
do you take on anything from him I would say when it comes to being emotional
no because he wasn't like emotionally I feel like we all had that innit yeah
yeah yeah I feel like he wasn't there Because if he was there,
I don't think I would have been involved in that street life growing up.
Okay. Did you live with him? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(43:57):
That's another thing is, I'm sorry to cut you off, sometimes you can live with
them, but they're not really there because they're either always working or... But I give it to him.
Like there'll be times where I remember when I was chilling on the block with
like 30 men. My dad's coming, pulling my ear into the car.
And I understood it. I remember when there was an incident where another area has come.
(44:19):
My mom and dad have pulled up in the middle of a fight. I've just jumped in
and my brethren's jumped in because they know him.
Go on. Do you understand that? Giving me the talk and all that.
And obviously now you look at it, you appreciate it, isn't it?
Like you're like, maybe they don't know how to speak like that.
Because Garnier men are very stern, isn't it?
(44:40):
Yeah. So it's like, they can show it through their actions, isn't it?
So I was a bit like, I'm going to do both.
I'm going to do both. with, because even sitting down having conversations with
my older brothers, they find it difficult to express themselves and all of that sometimes innit.
So now, obviously I'm, now that I've got nephews and nieces,
I got two nephews, one's 17, one's 14.
(45:03):
Okay, that age, that critical age. And nine, then I've got two, the same in Ghana innit.
So it's like, I'm speaking to them innit.
I feel like they're my, they're my kids innit. More time,
they're coming to me for advice and i'm just like hey but then
i can give my then when i think about their questions like
(45:25):
yeah i can talk to them and all that yeah and then it just goes forward
from there so yeah man but it's teaching you a lot in it the hundred percent
time goes on it's probably about balance yeah man 100 man no sick sick sick
you don't got any more any more questions no yeah i think you you covered it
most, I was going to ask about the discipline,
(45:47):
but you already said you don't, you kind of mix it up a little bit.
No, I don't. I used to believe in it.
I used to, but then it got to an extent where I'm just like,
kids of today, kids of today can turn around and say, cause I've seen it and
say, I'm going to call social services. Yeah.
I've even had family relatives do it to uncles and aunties. And so in my head,
(46:08):
I don't want to be in that predicament.
I'd rather discipline you in an old school way. like I don't know if you back
in the day when your mum would say slap yourself.
Hold your ear one foot up like you're doing karate and if you drop,
it's long innit so you start again or do a squat on the wall,
(46:28):
or the worst one I used to get I love my mum to bits but this one I hated she
took my dirty clothes out of the washing machine and bearing in mind I've just
come from football so I've got mud on me she's put them my socks on my head,
my pant on my ear, it was like squat.
(46:49):
You know that one's there, you're thinking why? He's doing it looking like a child.
And then I knew why. My mum gave me the letter. Read this letter.
Kofi was disrupted in the club and bear in mind I'm squatting as well. I dropped,
a day you will see it and so yeah
(47:11):
man right you know something just came
to my mind you was talking about that when you told
your mom that your partner at the time was pregnant yeah she's stomping and
whatnot i was thinking about different cultures as well i read the story on
the on twitter the other day one guy he got five girls pregnant at the same
(47:31):
time and he planned to have their baby shower at the same time i was thinking
if that was the guardian mom,
shut down they've been locked off yeah you're done you're done bro even one
you and you was at decent age in it because what was it 20 my son's four now so 27.
See you've done your thing in life already yeah you're still getting in trouble
(47:51):
imagine about you remember if it was younger because the way i look at it when
i'm looking at seeing men who have 16 year olds,
certain men who are Ghanaian who have 16 years I'm like shall they have how
did you do it how are you like certain men when I'm in the gym shall they yeah alright.
And I'll be like it's been a long road yeah yeah it's been a long road so you
(48:14):
were enjoying from early from early everyone was enjoying though but some men were more careful,
oh yeah some men some men would just rag up careful
but yeah it happens man it's good to have these kind of chats
in there with men because you see guys on the roads you're just passing yeah
cool cool what you're saying yeah yeah but me personally i
deliberately want to walk past you i'm gone long time
(48:37):
oh you know what man's in a rush you know yeah well
why is that though it's because it's it's like
that for a reason yeah you've progressed in life
that's it you want to speak i'm not saying i'm i'm great
in it yeah there's always room for improvement yeah but i
want i want to be around good energy in it
like you know more time you you see people's that
(48:57):
bro a long time I ain't seen you since this and that so why
are you talking about that bro so now it's just like it takes you back to something
so I'm just like yeah man that's dead that's one thing about Enz boy when you
bump into him people always bring it you've even forgot you've blocked it out
but you forgot it but yeah just wrapping up I wanted to say I wanted to ask
unless anyone had any other questions.
(49:19):
Did I wrap up all the questions yeah you wrapped it out well though man,
I wanted to I wanted to ask you yeah cool this is all recorded this is on camera,
you've got a son, so could you give one message to your future son,
if he was to watch this in the future, one message that you would want him to keep? Kind of thing.
(49:39):
There's a few, but one message. If you've got three. Remain patient, love yourself.
Remain patient, love yourself, stay focused and enjoy life. I hear me there.
I'm telling you, I hear me there, that's the reason why I'm saying that yeah.
(49:59):
Bruv, being black is beautiful.
Especially your Ghanaian yeah. Bruv, when you put the Shea Bough or whatever
you use on your skin and the sun hits it, then I was like,
everybody, I even said one time I was in the mirror and I was creaming myself
that everybody that cussed me and said I was bleak thank you thank you yeah
(50:23):
because bruv when the sun hits you it's different and you're seeing this glistening
and then you might be approached by nice individuals.
No Ruchu that was serious though love yourself you have to love yourself love
yourself love yourself it's true we've come from a long place imagine remember
back in the day how it was it wasn't trendy it was not trendy being African was a madness,
(50:48):
and the worst thing about it till this day I won't draw out any names I only
found out certain men were Africans yeah,
recently yeah a lot of men a lot get me Portuguese,
and all of that and say yeah man's Jamaican and that and then I'll be bussing
their parents have a bussing conversation with my parents and Sri is like what
(51:11):
since when hold on wait a minute because I'm hearing I'm out here Like he used to, bruv.
You remember, but you were calm though, innit? Yeah. Yeah.
School they used to say man's full government name they're not missing nothing
and i ain't got no english name yeah they're butchering your name he's all right it starts with henry.
(51:35):
Especially if it's a african parent they're pronouncing it the correct way isn't
it or if it's an english woman she'll be like coffee coffee so and then it starts
a whole another thing so it makes you back then it's like okay proud now it's
different experiences isn't it a lot of kids are,
they're proud and all of that. My nephew's experienced it.
(51:57):
His name's Kwabna, but we call him Kobi for short.
They try to pronounce it and I'm hearing that he's punching man up.
This is why I said love yourself because if you love yourself you know where
you are or whatever. Not saying that he don't love himself. But he's young innit,
14 innit. So I'm like, it's going to happen.
I'm not going to lie to you, like it's going to happen. You're going to experience it. Cause
(52:19):
I was telling him my full name and then he was like he
said sign it kind of made me feel that way he was like that makes me feel
better yeah so it's understandable
in it it's understandable so that's sick
so message love yourself remain remain focused love yourself enjoy loving enjoy
(52:39):
what was it patience no yeah patience love yourself love yourself remain patient
and enjoy life yeah man and it's from Mr.
Yemidex jeez you man are doing good things man this is big this is big this is big man,
(53:02):
it's been a pleasure coming through yeah man it's been a good episode man you
see what I mean but guys we've come to the end of our segment.
Music.
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