April 29, 2024 • 16 mins
Hello gorgeous lady!
Mother’s Day began more than 110 years ago.
Since that time women have shed tears on that day…tears of joy and tears of sadness.
Mother’s Day can be joyful or sad and sometimes just plain old stinky depending on what is going on for you as that holiday rolls around.
Regardless if you are single with or without children, or married with or without children, it can be a challenging day.
In this episode we talk about why it can be challenging and I tell you the truth about how I handled Mother’s Day last year. Lastly, I offer up two ways that you can choose from to make this May 12th less stinky.
Grab your diet coke, put in those earbuds and let’s talk friend to friend.
What’s next?
- Share this episode with all your single girlfriends.
- Email me at sharon@sharonlamarcoaching.com with questions/comments about today’s episode.
- Follow the show so you don’t miss an episode
- Become an Insider! Visit my website at www.sharonlamarcoaching.com scroll to the bottom and sign up to become an Insider!
- Let’s talk about Mother’s Day and how you can create a different experience next year. Book your FREE 45 minute 1:1 session at www.sharonlamarcoaching.com/freesession
- Join our Facebook community at The Single Christian Woman! https://www.facebook.com/groups/797710822384649
Hope this episode inspires you or makes you think.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi, my gorgeous friend. Mother's Day began more than 110 years ago,
and since that time, women have shed tears on that day, tears of joy and tears of sadness.
Mother's Day can be joyful or it can be sad, and sometimes it's just plain old
stinky, depending on what's going on for you when that day rolls around.
(00:23):
And regardless if you're single, with or without children, or you're married
with or without children, it can be a challenging day.
And in this episode, we talk about why it can be challenging.
And I tell you the truth about how I handled Mother's Day just last year.
And then lastly, I'm going to offer up two ways that you can choose from to
(00:45):
make this May 12th less stinky.
So grab your Diet Coke, put in those earbuds, and let's talk friend to friend.
Do you want to build solid self-confidence and to know your next step is the right one?
Do you find yourself feeling lonely and wondering if God has forgotten you in your singleness?
(01:09):
Hello and welcome to the Single Christian Woman Podcast.
I'm Sharon Lamar, Party of One expert until the age of 52. to.
Remaining single for what felt like a lifetime had me constantly questioning, am I good enough?
Music.
(01:41):
And I was happier. In this podcast, you will find practical strategies,
tips, and tools to help you strengthen two key relationships,
the one you have with God and the one you have with yourself.
So grab your Diet Coke, put in those earbuds, and let's chat friend to friend.
(02:02):
Sometimes I ditch church. I just don't go. On purpose.
Now, don't judge me, okay? Remember, I said sometimes.
Now, in my defense, I guess I could say I rarely miss church.
Anyway, on the rare occasion that I do ditch church, I do it on purpose.
(02:23):
I intentionally plan to ditch. It's not that I just wake up on some random Sunday
morning and say to myself, you know, I just don't like feel like going to church today.
I choose the Sunday I'm going to ditch on purpose.
And last Last year, that rare Sunday that I didn't go to church was Mother's Day.
You know, I really don't like going to church on Mother's Day. Never really have.
(02:48):
Now let me rant for just a moment and tell you why.
And perhaps you'll find yourself in me and you might understand my reasoning. And maybe not.
Anyway, at my church, I can be guaranteed on Mother's Day that during the talk
or sermon portion of the meeting,
there will be a teenage boy that has been assigned to give a talk and he will
(03:10):
stand up and talk all about how wonderful his mother is. He will gush over her.
He will tell a few touchy tidbits about her, maybe a little funny story about
her, and he'll tell her that he loves her.
Then there will be an adult woman from our congregation who will give her a
sign talk and she'll share how being a mother is hard and it's wonderful and
(03:34):
it's the best thing that ever happened to her.
And then to round out the meeting, another speaker, probably a man at this point,
will also talk about his mom or his wife.
And basically, the majority of the meeting will be all about these few mothers.
At the end of the meeting, the bishop or whoever is conducting the meeting will
(03:55):
ask all of the the women over age 18 to stand up.
Then the teenage boys are going to pass out a piece of chocolate or some kind
of edible treat or a flower to all of the women that are standing, be they a mother or not.
And then we're going to head off to Sunday school class.
Okay, two reasons why I don't like going to church on Mother's Day.
(04:19):
Reason number one, rather than feeling included when they recognize all of the
women with the treat, I really kind of feel pitiful and kind of almost patronized.
Plus, I think it waters down the whole point of recognizing the mothers.
That's reason number one. Reason number two is I come to church to worship,
(04:42):
to hear talks and messages and sermons, to sing hymns, to pray,
and I'll be focused on my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ.
Church and Sundays are set aside to testify, talk, and teach of Christ, not mothers.
Now, don't misunderstand me, okay? I have nothing against mothers. I love them. I love mine.
(05:07):
I just think that Mother's Day should be an at-home celebration with a family
honoring their mother and then let church be about God and our Lord Jesus Christ.
I don't quite understand, to be honest with you, even though I've read the story
of how Mother's Day got started, how it has continued to bleed into our worship
(05:28):
services, and it has stayed there.
That's it. That's my rant. So last year, I ditched church on Mother's Day,
and I might do it again this year.
You know, Mother's Day is coming up, and when this podcast airs,
it will be just two Sundays away.
So let's talk about Mother's Day and some ways that you can enjoy it as a single lady.
(05:51):
The truth for all of us, single with or without children, married with or without
children, Mother's Day can be wonderful and Mother's Day can be painful.
Tears either way, tears of joy or tears of sadness. And maybe it's a hard day for you.
You already know two reasons it's a hard day for me, but there's actually a third reason.
(06:15):
You see, I'm not a real mother. I'm a stepmom.
I don't have children of my own, so it's really not my day.
It's a day for all the mothers, not for women like me. And I'm okay with that. That's how I see it.
So are you like me? Or maybe for you, Mother's Day is not your favorite day
(06:39):
because you haven't been the mother you want to be.
Or your kids don't talk to each other.
Or maybe your kids don't talk to you. You and your mom don't talk.
Maybe it's because your kids are not happy and succeeding and you think it's your fault.
Or I would think, worst of all, you've lost a child.
(06:59):
The bottom line is, Mother's Day can be stinky. kinky.
Rather than a wonderful day for you, it's a painful reminder of how you screwed
up, your mom screwed up, or your kids have, or some other variation.
But the good news is, it doesn't have to stink.
You don't have to dread it or be sad about it. So I want to talk about two ways
(07:24):
that you can have a better Mother's Day.
And my hope is that you will get some help from this episode so that you can
experience Mother's Day differently, better, with less judgment and pain.
So last year, the day after Mother's Day, here's way number one.
Last year, the day after Mother's Day, I was feeling conflicted.
(07:46):
My faith, my church, and worshiping the Lord on Sunday is important to me.
And yet, I had not attended church on Mother's Day.
And it almost kind of felt like I had been just making an excuse not to go.
Well, on that Monday, the day after Mother's Day, I happened to have a scheduled
short session with my coach.
(08:08):
And so I chose to get coached on why I was feeling conflicted about my choice the prior day.
And it was so helpful.
After she listened to me and did what all good coaches do, ask a lot of questions
and then and listen again,
she helped me to see that, yes, my Sabbath day worship of the Lord is important
(08:30):
to me, and that the focus on Mother's Day on that Sunday was not in alignment with that.
So I had had a choice, and you do too.
I could go to church on Mother's Day and sit there closed off,
being judgmental, and even though
I was physically there, I would not be there. I had been checked out.
(08:53):
Or I could not go and worship differently, which actually made me more present
in my worship of the Lord.
I actually had thought of Him more that day and truly enjoyed the Sabbath day
than if I had actually gone to church.
So what I did by actually not going was the most loving thing that I could do
(09:14):
for myself on that particular Monday, or that particular Sunday, which was Mother's Day.
Now, you may be totally rolling your eyes right now, and that's okay.
I roll my eyes sometimes too. It's okay. Go ahead.
Silently judge me. Whatever. Okay? Now, while I am not suggesting that the way
(09:35):
to solve any circumstance or problem where you feel uncomfortable is to ditch it or avoid it, right?
You can think that that's what I did, and I'm not suggesting that that's what
you do, and I'm not suggesting that that's what I did.
I'm telling you that you know you. Be honest with yourself.
And choosing to go or not to go is totally up to you.
(09:57):
But be honest with yourself why you're actually not going.
And then don't make it a habit of skipping out on church or anything else because
you feel uncomfortable or you don't like what is being said or how the meeting is being run.
You go to worship. and for me that day, I didn't go in order to worship.
(10:19):
That is one way to handle Mother's Day.
Simply remove yourself from the events of the day that are too tender or emotional for you.
You don't have to do that day like you did the past times.
You can do it differently this year. You get to choose, okay? Way number two.
(10:40):
If you have been a listener for a while, you will remember episode number five,
which was my response to a listener question.
How do you enjoy the holidays with your family as the only single?
Now, her question can also apply to our discussion today.
How do you enjoy Mother's Day when, like me,
(11:00):
you don't consider yourself to be a real mom, or you are a mom but haven't been
the mother you want to be, or your kids don't talk to each other,
or your kids don't talk to you,
you and your mom don't talk, all those things that we listed before.
Your kids aren't happy and succeeding, and you feel it's your fault,
or you've lost a child. How do you do it then?
(11:24):
How do you enjoy Mother's Day?
Well, I invite you to consider what you want this Mother's Day, 13 days from now.
Choose it ahead of time. You have little less than two weeks to decide which one it will be. 13 days.
What do you want it to be like this year? How do you want to feel?
(11:46):
How do you want to show up when you go to any event you choose to go to?
Who do you want to be as you gather with your family and your friends at church
or simply staying home alone?
How do you want to feel on that Sunday?
You get to choose, and I invite you to choose with intention.
(12:06):
Rather than believing that the day is just happening to you and making you sad
or mad or lonely because it's Mother's Day and you're single and with or without
children or you're You're disappointed in how you mothered or was mothered,
or it's something about your kid.
You get to choose. It isn't just happening to you. You get to decide if you're sad, mad, or lonely.
(12:30):
Now, I know that this can sound like crazy talk, but it's true.
You get to decide ahead of time which Mother's Day this one will be. How do you want to feel?
Married, single, childless, or with a house full?
I think that most of us want to feel love.
(12:52):
The question then becomes, I choose to feel love this Mother's Day.
What are some ways that I can do that?
And then you let your brain go to work answering that very question.
I want you to think about it.
How can you feel and experience love this Sunday, May 12th?
(13:13):
Choose ahead of time.
Choose which Mother's Day this one will be.
It's just one of them. You will have lots ahead of you. But I don't want you
to wait to decide which one it was, thinking back on it.
Decide ahead which one it will be. Use in your prefrontal cortex.
Decide ahead of time. And here's some suggestions.
(13:35):
What if this year is the year you simply choose for yourself that this is the
Mother's Day where I skip church, I take a picnic and some flowers,
and I go visit my mother's grave?
Or this is the one where you decide on purpose to stay home and write what I
call I've been meaning to tell you letters to all the wonderful women in your life.
(13:55):
Or you could say, this is the one where I'm going to the movies all day and
eating at my favorite restaurant afterwards.
Or you could do opposite of that and invite a bunch of your friends,
your single friends over and host a brunch after church, celebrating your love
and appreciating one another.
There's the one where you could go on your favorite hike and pack a fun lunch
(14:17):
in your backpack, or it's the one where you choose to feel love.
Just simply that, I'm going to choose to feel love this Mother's Day.
This is the one, you could do this, this is the one where I'm choosing to see
God's handiwork in my life and expressing gratitude and worshiping Him all day long.
(14:38):
This is the one where I choose to enjoy every single thing about the day.
My point is, it's just one, just one Mother's Day, and you get to choose which one it will be.
Hey, my friend, thank you for listening to me to share my struggle with Mother's
Day and perhaps not judging me too much.
(14:59):
You know, I find it so fun continuing our conversation about you and all the
ways that you can choose to live life and experience all that it has to offer.
And remember, you get to choose which Mother's Day this one will be.
There's going to be many more of them to come.
But which one will this one be? I hope that you did hear something that can
(15:23):
help you experience Mother's Day differently this year.
Perhaps better, with less judgment and pain.
You, my friend, are amazing and I love you so much. And in advance,
Happy Mother's Day, whichever way you choose to celebrate it.
I'll see you next week. Bye.
(16:04):
The show. I love hearing how the show inspires you or makes you think.
Music.
Hi, my gorgeous friend. Mother's Day began more than 110 years ago,
and since that time, women have shed tears on that day, tears of joy and tears of sadness.
Mother's Day can be joyful or it can be sad, and sometimes it's just plain old
stinky, depending on what's going on for you when that day rolls around.
(00:23):
And regardless if you're single, with or without children, or you're married
with or without children, it can be a challenging day.
And in this episode, we talk about why it can be challenging.
And I tell you the truth about how I handled Mother's Day just last year.
And then lastly, I'm going to offer up two ways that you can choose from to
(00:45):
make this May 12th less stinky.
So grab your Diet Coke, put in those earbuds, and let's talk friend to friend.
Do you want to build solid self-confidence and to know your next step is the right one?
Do you find yourself feeling lonely and wondering if God has forgotten you in your singleness?
(01:09):
Hello and welcome to the Single Christian Woman Podcast.
I'm Sharon Lamar, Party of One expert until the age of 52. to.
Remaining single for what felt like a lifetime had me constantly questioning, am I good enough?
Music.
(01:41):
And I was happier. In this podcast, you will find practical strategies,
tips, and tools to help you strengthen two key relationships,
the one you have with God and the one you have with yourself.
So grab your Diet Coke, put in those earbuds, and let's chat friend to friend.
(02:02):
Sometimes I ditch church. I just don't go. On purpose.
Now, don't judge me, okay? Remember, I said sometimes.
Now, in my defense, I guess I could say I rarely miss church.
Anyway, on the rare occasion that I do ditch church, I do it on purpose.
(02:23):
I intentionally plan to ditch. It's not that I just wake up on some random Sunday
morning and say to myself, you know, I just don't like feel like going to church today.
I choose the Sunday I'm going to ditch on purpose.
And last Last year, that rare Sunday that I didn't go to church was Mother's Day.
You know, I really don't like going to church on Mother's Day. Never really have.
(02:48):
Now let me rant for just a moment and tell you why.
And perhaps you'll find yourself in me and you might understand my reasoning. And maybe not.
Anyway, at my church, I can be guaranteed on Mother's Day that during the talk
or sermon portion of the meeting,
there will be a teenage boy that has been assigned to give a talk and he will
(03:10):
stand up and talk all about how wonderful his mother is. He will gush over her.
He will tell a few touchy tidbits about her, maybe a little funny story about
her, and he'll tell her that he loves her.
Then there will be an adult woman from our congregation who will give her a
sign talk and she'll share how being a mother is hard and it's wonderful and
(03:34):
it's the best thing that ever happened to her.
And then to round out the meeting, another speaker, probably a man at this point,
will also talk about his mom or his wife.
And basically, the majority of the meeting will be all about these few mothers.
At the end of the meeting, the bishop or whoever is conducting the meeting will
(03:55):
ask all of the the women over age 18 to stand up.
Then the teenage boys are going to pass out a piece of chocolate or some kind
of edible treat or a flower to all of the women that are standing, be they a mother or not.
And then we're going to head off to Sunday school class.
Okay, two reasons why I don't like going to church on Mother's Day.
(04:19):
Reason number one, rather than feeling included when they recognize all of the
women with the treat, I really kind of feel pitiful and kind of almost patronized.
Plus, I think it waters down the whole point of recognizing the mothers.
That's reason number one. Reason number two is I come to church to worship,
(04:42):
to hear talks and messages and sermons, to sing hymns, to pray,
and I'll be focused on my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ.
Church and Sundays are set aside to testify, talk, and teach of Christ, not mothers.
Now, don't misunderstand me, okay? I have nothing against mothers. I love them. I love mine.
(05:07):
I just think that Mother's Day should be an at-home celebration with a family
honoring their mother and then let church be about God and our Lord Jesus Christ.
I don't quite understand, to be honest with you, even though I've read the story
of how Mother's Day got started, how it has continued to bleed into our worship
(05:28):
services, and it has stayed there.
That's it. That's my rant. So last year, I ditched church on Mother's Day,
and I might do it again this year.
You know, Mother's Day is coming up, and when this podcast airs,
it will be just two Sundays away.
So let's talk about Mother's Day and some ways that you can enjoy it as a single lady.
(05:51):
The truth for all of us, single with or without children, married with or without
children, Mother's Day can be wonderful and Mother's Day can be painful.
Tears either way, tears of joy or tears of sadness. And maybe it's a hard day for you.
You already know two reasons it's a hard day for me, but there's actually a third reason.
(06:15):
You see, I'm not a real mother. I'm a stepmom.
I don't have children of my own, so it's really not my day.
It's a day for all the mothers, not for women like me. And I'm okay with that. That's how I see it.
So are you like me? Or maybe for you, Mother's Day is not your favorite day
(06:39):
because you haven't been the mother you want to be.
Or your kids don't talk to each other.
Or maybe your kids don't talk to you. You and your mom don't talk.
Maybe it's because your kids are not happy and succeeding and you think it's your fault.
Or I would think, worst of all, you've lost a child.
(06:59):
The bottom line is, Mother's Day can be stinky. kinky.
Rather than a wonderful day for you, it's a painful reminder of how you screwed
up, your mom screwed up, or your kids have, or some other variation.
But the good news is, it doesn't have to stink.
You don't have to dread it or be sad about it. So I want to talk about two ways
(07:24):
that you can have a better Mother's Day.
And my hope is that you will get some help from this episode so that you can
experience Mother's Day differently, better, with less judgment and pain.
So last year, the day after Mother's Day, here's way number one.
Last year, the day after Mother's Day, I was feeling conflicted.
(07:46):
My faith, my church, and worshiping the Lord on Sunday is important to me.
And yet, I had not attended church on Mother's Day.
And it almost kind of felt like I had been just making an excuse not to go.
Well, on that Monday, the day after Mother's Day, I happened to have a scheduled
short session with my coach.
(08:08):
And so I chose to get coached on why I was feeling conflicted about my choice the prior day.
And it was so helpful.
After she listened to me and did what all good coaches do, ask a lot of questions
and then and listen again,
she helped me to see that, yes, my Sabbath day worship of the Lord is important
(08:30):
to me, and that the focus on Mother's Day on that Sunday was not in alignment with that.
So I had had a choice, and you do too.
I could go to church on Mother's Day and sit there closed off,
being judgmental, and even though
I was physically there, I would not be there. I had been checked out.
(08:53):
Or I could not go and worship differently, which actually made me more present
in my worship of the Lord.
I actually had thought of Him more that day and truly enjoyed the Sabbath day
than if I had actually gone to church.
So what I did by actually not going was the most loving thing that I could do
(09:14):
for myself on that particular Monday, or that particular Sunday, which was Mother's Day.
Now, you may be totally rolling your eyes right now, and that's okay.
I roll my eyes sometimes too. It's okay. Go ahead.
Silently judge me. Whatever. Okay? Now, while I am not suggesting that the way
(09:35):
to solve any circumstance or problem where you feel uncomfortable is to ditch it or avoid it, right?
You can think that that's what I did, and I'm not suggesting that that's what
you do, and I'm not suggesting that that's what I did.
I'm telling you that you know you. Be honest with yourself.
And choosing to go or not to go is totally up to you.
(09:57):
But be honest with yourself why you're actually not going.
And then don't make it a habit of skipping out on church or anything else because
you feel uncomfortable or you don't like what is being said or how the meeting is being run.
You go to worship. and for me that day, I didn't go in order to worship.
(10:19):
That is one way to handle Mother's Day.
Simply remove yourself from the events of the day that are too tender or emotional for you.
You don't have to do that day like you did the past times.
You can do it differently this year. You get to choose, okay? Way number two.
(10:40):
If you have been a listener for a while, you will remember episode number five,
which was my response to a listener question.
How do you enjoy the holidays with your family as the only single?
Now, her question can also apply to our discussion today.
How do you enjoy Mother's Day when, like me,
(11:00):
you don't consider yourself to be a real mom, or you are a mom but haven't been
the mother you want to be, or your kids don't talk to each other,
or your kids don't talk to you,
you and your mom don't talk, all those things that we listed before.
Your kids aren't happy and succeeding, and you feel it's your fault,
or you've lost a child. How do you do it then?
(11:24):
How do you enjoy Mother's Day?
Well, I invite you to consider what you want this Mother's Day, 13 days from now.
Choose it ahead of time. You have little less than two weeks to decide which one it will be. 13 days.
What do you want it to be like this year? How do you want to feel?
(11:46):
How do you want to show up when you go to any event you choose to go to?
Who do you want to be as you gather with your family and your friends at church
or simply staying home alone?
How do you want to feel on that Sunday?
You get to choose, and I invite you to choose with intention.
(12:06):
Rather than believing that the day is just happening to you and making you sad
or mad or lonely because it's Mother's Day and you're single and with or without
children or you're You're disappointed in how you mothered or was mothered,
or it's something about your kid.
You get to choose. It isn't just happening to you. You get to decide if you're sad, mad, or lonely.
(12:30):
Now, I know that this can sound like crazy talk, but it's true.
You get to decide ahead of time which Mother's Day this one will be. How do you want to feel?
Married, single, childless, or with a house full?
I think that most of us want to feel love.
(12:52):
The question then becomes, I choose to feel love this Mother's Day.
What are some ways that I can do that?
And then you let your brain go to work answering that very question.
I want you to think about it.
How can you feel and experience love this Sunday, May 12th?
(13:13):
Choose ahead of time.
Choose which Mother's Day this one will be.
It's just one of them. You will have lots ahead of you. But I don't want you
to wait to decide which one it was, thinking back on it.
Decide ahead which one it will be. Use in your prefrontal cortex.
Decide ahead of time. And here's some suggestions.
(13:35):
What if this year is the year you simply choose for yourself that this is the
Mother's Day where I skip church, I take a picnic and some flowers,
and I go visit my mother's grave?
Or this is the one where you decide on purpose to stay home and write what I
call I've been meaning to tell you letters to all the wonderful women in your life.
(13:55):
Or you could say, this is the one where I'm going to the movies all day and
eating at my favorite restaurant afterwards.
Or you could do opposite of that and invite a bunch of your friends,
your single friends over and host a brunch after church, celebrating your love
and appreciating one another.
There's the one where you could go on your favorite hike and pack a fun lunch
(14:17):
in your backpack, or it's the one where you choose to feel love.
Just simply that, I'm going to choose to feel love this Mother's Day.
This is the one, you could do this, this is the one where I'm choosing to see
God's handiwork in my life and expressing gratitude and worshiping Him all day long.
(14:38):
This is the one where I choose to enjoy every single thing about the day.
My point is, it's just one, just one Mother's Day, and you get to choose which one it will be.
Hey, my friend, thank you for listening to me to share my struggle with Mother's
Day and perhaps not judging me too much.
(14:59):
You know, I find it so fun continuing our conversation about you and all the
ways that you can choose to live life and experience all that it has to offer.
And remember, you get to choose which Mother's Day this one will be.
There's going to be many more of them to come.
But which one will this one be? I hope that you did hear something that can
(15:23):
help you experience Mother's Day differently this year.
Perhaps better, with less judgment and pain.
You, my friend, are amazing and I love you so much. And in advance,
Happy Mother's Day, whichever way you choose to celebrate it.
I'll see you next week. Bye.
(16:04):
The show. I love hearing how the show inspires you or makes you think.
Music.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Nikki Glaser Podcast
Every week comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced, and brutally honest look into current pop-culture and her own personal life.