May 6, 2024 • 19 mins
Hello gorgeous lady!
Are you wondering why it is that you are still single?
Are you frustrated and getting a little desperate to change your marital status?
Have you given up and worry that you have become the stereotypical cranky spinster?
Are you open to considering something you may not have thought about before?
If you answer ‘Yes’ or even ‘Maybe’ to any of those questions, this is the episode for you!
I happen to know for sure one of the reasons you are stuck and we will talk about it, how it affects your life and two solutions to help you get unstuck. I invite you to be open and consider that what I share in this episode will help you.
Grab your diet coke, open your mind, put in those earbuds and let’s talk friend to friend.
What’s next?
- Share this episode with all your single girlfriends.
- Email me at sharon@sharonlamarcoaching.com with questions/comments about today’s episode.
- Follow the show so you don’t miss an episode
- Become an Insider! Visit my website at www.sharonlamarcoaching.com scroll to the bottom and sign up to become an Insider!
- Let’s talk about your happiness level and how you can create more of it. Book your FREE 45 minute 1:1 session at www.sharonlamarcoaching.com/freesession
- Join our Facebook community at The Single Christian Woman! https://www.facebook.com/groups/797710822384649
Hope this episode inspires you or makes you think.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello, my friend. Are you wondering why it is that you are still single?
And are you frustrated and maybe getting a little desperate to change your marital status?
Or have you given up and worry that you have become the stereotypical cranky spinster?
(00:20):
And last question, are you open to considering something you may have not thought about before.
If you answered yes or even maybe to any of those questions,
then this episode is for you.
I happen to know for sure one of the reasons that you are stuck,
and we will talk all about it in this episode, how it affects your life,
(00:43):
and I'm going to offer two solutions to help you get unstuck.
I also invite you to open up and consider that what I share in this episode will actually help you.
So grab your Diet Coke, open up your mind, put in those earbuds,
and let's talk friend to friend.
(01:03):
Do you want to build solid self-confidence and to know your next step is the right one?
Do you find yourself feeling lonely and wondering if God has forgotten you in
your singleness? Hello and welcome to the Single Christian Woman Podcast.
I'm Sharon Lamar, party of one expert until the age of 52.
(01:28):
Remaining single for what felt like a lifetime had me constantly questioning.
Music.
My self-confidence skyrocketed, and I was happier.
(01:51):
In this podcast, you will find practical strategies, tips, and tools to help
you strengthen two key relationships, the one you have with God and the one you have with yourself.
So grab your Diet Coke, put in those earbuds, and let's chat friend to friend.
Can you comfortably wear every single piece of clothing in your closet?
(02:16):
Does every pair of jeans fit you?
For me, I currently have two sizes of pants in my closet.
Now, my husband, on the other hand, has one pair of cargo shorts that he's had
since his daughters were teenagers.
We're talking like 20-ish years
ago. He has had the same waist size his entire adult life, 36 inches.
(02:41):
And I just think that's crazy. How is it possible that this man doesn't have
at least one more size of pants in his closet or belts? To me,
it's a complete mystery.
I don't understand how you can wear the same clothes all that long because they fit.
Anyway, now when I discover that my pants have shrunk somehow in the dryer,
(03:03):
right? That's how it happens. I'm disappointed.
I'm I'm frustrated. And really what I tend to do is I beat myself up about it.
The truth is I really do know why I'm disappointed, frustrated,
and beating myself up. It's because of my thinking.
I'm thinking that I'm a loser. I'm an out-of-control eater. I'm fat.
I'm lazy. You get the list, all the things.
(03:26):
But the real problem is that I have just simply been overeating.
I've been giving my body more fuel than it needs. And it's as simple as that.
Now, you can see the solution, right? I mean, the solution is,
for my pants to fit, has nothing to do with the dryer, is stop over-fueling
my body, and it will become smaller, right?
(03:47):
But here is what can happen. I can get desperate, and I can think that I have
to solve this problem right now.
How can I lose 10 pounds, I think to myself? And I got to do it right now.
Sometimes I even think like I could do it in a week, which is like insane.
So anyway, so I take drastic steps sometimes. I do unhealthy steps to make my
(04:11):
body get smaller faster.
I might even try to starve myself or fuel my body on, you know,
diet Coke and rice cakes or something.
I might join a high interval training class at the Y or something and just really
kind of starve myself and beat myself up in order to lose the pounds really
quickly because I'm desperate to do that.
(04:31):
And I'm desperate to do it because I don't like how I feel. I'm unhappy.
Now, I want you to stick with me for a minute. The title of this episode is
the number one reason you're stuck in singleness.
It's not the number one reason that your pants don't fit. Okay,
so hang with me for a minute.
But I want you to consider that one reason you're stuck in singleness is the
same reason I'm desperate to lose 10 pounds today. It's because you're unhappy.
(04:56):
Again, stick with me. Just listen in. And I want you to consider,
like I said in the intro, open up your mind to allow yourself to just even consider
that what I'm about to tell you is true and that hearing it and doing something
about it will help you get unstuck.
Now, if you've been listening in and doing the work that I suggested in episodes
(05:18):
26 and 27, you have already created a list of obstacles that are between you
being single and you being engaged.
Engaged and you've also listed correlating solutions to each of those obstacles.
And remember in episode 27, we talked about a couple of those obstacles and
I offered up correlating strategies, like the obstacle, maybe you're thinking,
(05:41):
I'm not even dating and or no one will want me.
Well, in this episode, we're going to talk about the obstacle of unhappiness and,
It is being unhappy. Well, not it is being unhappy is in your way,
but I want you to think about that.
Is it unhappiness in your way of you getting what you want, getting engaged and getting married?
(06:04):
And I'm going to say and suggest, and that you open up your heart and mind to, is the answer is yes.
Now, unhappy is a feeling.
It's a vibration in your body caused by a thought in your brain.
That's it. That's all that feelings are.
A vibration in your body caused by a thought in your brain.
So let's play around with this for a moment so that you can see how feeling
(06:27):
unhappy can affect your life.
Now I'm going to use myself as an example. I'm going to use myself from just yesterday.
Okay, see if you can relate to this. This is how the feeling of emotion or the
feeling of unhappiness or emotion, same thing, feeling emotion,
same thing, affects how I show up. I was super cranky yesterday.
(06:48):
I complained a lot. I vented to myself. And then to get confirmation,
I called my sister to vent.
So I kept replaying the unhappiness in my own head and out loud to others.
So I had this loop going.
I was also kind of not cold, but cooler and a little edgy when my husband came
(07:09):
home. And I'm normally not that way.
I was an unhappy person. And I made sure that not only did I know I was unhappy.
I wanted my sister to know and my husband to know too, okay?
So you can see how my unhappiness affected my day.
So the question is, are you unhappy?
Are you unhappy about being single? Now, if you are, I want you to consider
(07:32):
that your unhappiness is affecting you getting what you want.
To find love, get engaged, and married, okay?
Now, one way I see this showing up with the single women that I have talked
to and coached, is sometimes they become desperate to find love and get married.
Remember, like me, desperate to lose the 10 pounds?
(07:54):
You're basically desperate to get out of the pain of your own life.
And it happens that way. Sometimes you just get desperate. And what happens
when you get desperate is you take risks, you're willing to settle,
you do things that are unhealthy, you people-please, and you forget who you are and whose you are.
So let me be super specific.
(08:15):
In your unhappiness and desperation to get out of being single and into relationship,
you began taking risks that you know are risks, but you do them because you're desperate.
You compromise your values and your ethics.
You find yourself willing to settle and marry just about any man just to be married.
(08:36):
I actually had a friend that did that. You bend and mold yourself into who you
think a man wants. You say yes to things that in your heart,
in your head, you really want to say no to.
You people please and you put yourself in danger.
Now I want you to ask yourself a question. If you get yourself into a relationship
(08:57):
from a place of desperation,
I'll bet that you can already see the writing on the wall of what type of man
you will be in relationship with and what that relationship will look like.
And I promise you really don't want that. You don't want to get into a relationship
from a place of desperation.
Unhappiness can fuel that. The second way I see unhappiness showing up in single
(09:21):
women is how it showed up for me yesterday. I complained.
I spread my complaining around by venting to my sister. I was kind of cooler
and edgy with my husband.
Basically, I was a negative crank, and I was in total victimhood.
I was like a woe-is-me person, you know? Can you picture that?
The femme fatale with her hand on her, you know, the back of her hand on her
(09:44):
forehead and leaning back and, whoa, woe is me. Anyway, that was kind of where I was.
And again, let me be even more specific. I know that kind of sounds kind of dramatic,
but here's how unhappiness and kind of that woe is me attitude,
that in that how you actually show up as a stereotypical cranky spinster who
complains, is closed off,
(10:04):
is unwilling to enjoy life, and is simply not attractive.
You're probably more sarcastic in your tone about your singleness,
and you think you might be being funny in your jokes about being single,
but I'm going to tell you, it only puts the walls up higher.
You close yourself off from others. Now, you may think you're really doing a
good job of masking your crankiness, but I'm telling you the truth.
(10:27):
It shines through, my friend. It shines through.
People, men, pick up on your bristly, cranky vibe. They do.
Now, from this place of woe is me, it's really hard to get into the relationship that you want.
And if you did, I would guess that the man you're in relationship with is also
swimming in the pool and in the pit of woe is me.
(10:50):
Do you want that? I'm going to say you don't want that either.
Okay, so what do you do? You don't want to show up as desperate,
and you know you also don't want to show up from a woe-is-me posture.
Neither of those things are going to give you what you really want,
moving from single to engaged to married with a healthy relationship.
(11:12):
The best solution to being desperate and woe-is-me is to feel the emotion of
happiness when you're single.
Feel the emotion of happiness. Now think about it.
Showing up as happy is way more attractive and fun and safe than being desperate and woe is me.
(11:34):
And you get to experience your life from a place of happiness.
When I was single, I was happy. Now, of course, there were times when I was
not happy, where I was unhappy.
And sometimes I showed up in the desperate mode. I totally can see myself doing
that. And quite frankly, I'm horrified and embarrassed by it.
And sometimes the woe is me me mode. Same thing. I can see it.
(11:56):
Looking back. But those times were not the norm for me.
And they weren't because I intentionally chose to be happy.
They weren't normal for me because on the regular, I chose to be happy.
I wanted to be happy now.
I didn't want to wait, expecting someone else to make me happy. I wanted it now.
(12:18):
And I knew then what I know even more now as I work with clients.
That I am in charge of my own happiness, and you are too. You are in charge of your own happiness.
So I took action to be happy now in my singleness.
I intentionally sought out opportunities to be happy. I did work that was fulfilling and challenging.
(12:42):
I took care of myself financially and spiritually and physically.
Because I took charge of my happiness, I was never desperate I didn't need to get married.
I knew that I would be just fine on my own.
I did not need a man to save me financially, spiritually, or physically.
My life was good, and finding a good man would only make my good life better.
(13:08):
And that's how I want you to show up.
I want that for you because it is the most powerful way to show up and the most fun.
And your single life journey will be so much more powerful and fun than one
of desperation and woe is me.
It can be done. You can live happily single while you're looking for and finding
(13:32):
what you want next, engagement and marriage.
Now, you're probably wondering, okay, Sharon, I hear you. I don't want to be
desperate or woe is me, so how do I create happiness for myself?
Well, I want to offer up two ways that will help you.
Now, first is to do the very same work that we talked about in episodes 26 and 27.
(13:54):
Think about it this way. Your goal, what you want, is to be happy now.
Now you're going to make a list of all the obstacles, all the reasons you are not happy right now.
To prompt yourself, maybe consider different areas of your life,
like spiritual or physical or financial or work.
Are you happy about your spiritual life?
(14:16):
What about your physical, which means your health and your body?
What about your work? Are you happy there?
What is it that that you are unhappy about in any of those areas.
That's the obstacle. Okay, so you're going to make a list of your obstacles, why you're not happy.
Now, go ahead and listen to everything that your brain has to say as to why
(14:37):
you're not unhappy in your singleness.
But don't let it just ramble around in your brain. That gets really,
can feel much larger and insurmountable than it really is. So take it out and put it on paper.
I have talked about that not a hundred times. I don't have a hundred episodes
yet. But anyway, I've talked about it a lot. The power of pen to paper.
(14:57):
List the obstacles that are keeping you from being happy in your singleness.
Then just like I did before for each
obstacle list a correlating strategy
that you can overcome that you can take to
overcome that obstacle so we've done that work in episodes 26 and 27 and you're
going to do it again here why is it that you're unhappy you want to be happy
(15:20):
that's your goal and then go to work one by one implementing those strategies
to overcome each obstacle moving
ever closer to being happily single.
Now, I'm not saying you're going to stay there as single, but you're going to
come from a much better posture and have way more fun as, again,
you search for the ultimate goal.
(15:41):
Secondly, how to create happiness. Train and manage your brain.
Now, you're not unhappy. I hate to tell you this, but it's true.
You're not unhappy because you're single.
You're unhappy because of the thoughts you have about being single.
Now, the fact is you are single for whatever reason, whatever brought you to singlehood.
(16:02):
Now, what are you making that fact mean about you?
If you're unhappy, it's because of what you're making it mean about you being single.
Do you make it mean that there's something wrong with you? Do you make it mean
that God has forgotten you? Do you make it mean that time is even running out?
If you think something is wrong with you, you will feel the emotion of unhappiness.
(16:25):
Oh my goodness, and if you think God has forgotten about you,
same thing. You're going to feel unhappy.
If you think time is running out, unhappiness. And all of those also will lead to desperation.
So how do you train and manage your brain? Begin by thinking about what you think.
And then challenging that thought that there's something wrong with you.
(16:48):
Allow yourself to question that thought by allowing yourself to think about
all the things that are right with you.
Look for the evidence that you know exists, that God has not forgotten about you.
Just look for that and ask your brain to find it.
Say, and even talk to God, Heavenly Father, I need to see evidence that you
(17:08):
haven't forgotten about me.
Help me to see that throughout my day. And rather than seeing time from a scarcity
mindset, look to see it in abundance, how you have the perfect amount of time
to get exactly what you want.
So as you can see, creating happiness takes intention, effort, and practice.
It doesn't come quickly, but it comes.
(17:30):
So I really want you, my friend, to allow yourself the time needed to shift
from experience life as unhappy to experiencing it as happy.
And extend yourself grace and love as you make that shift.
There's nothing wrong with you, I promise.
Everything is solvable. Every obstacle can be overcome.
(17:51):
You can be happier, no matter your marital status. Your happiness matters. It affects your life.
And hey, my friend, I want to thank you for hanging in today as we talk about
how unhappiness affects your desire to date, get married, first get engaged, and then get married.
Also, I hope that this episode was helpful and hopeful and gave you something to think about.
(18:17):
You and your happiness. Think about those things, you and your happiness.
You, my friend, are amazing, and I love you so much.
I wish you a wonderful and happy week ahead. I'll see you next week. Bye.
(19:00):
You.
Music.
Hello, my friend. Are you wondering why it is that you are still single?
And are you frustrated and maybe getting a little desperate to change your marital status?
Or have you given up and worry that you have become the stereotypical cranky spinster?
(00:20):
And last question, are you open to considering something you may have not thought about before.
If you answered yes or even maybe to any of those questions,
then this episode is for you.
I happen to know for sure one of the reasons that you are stuck,
and we will talk all about it in this episode, how it affects your life,
(00:43):
and I'm going to offer two solutions to help you get unstuck.
I also invite you to open up and consider that what I share in this episode will actually help you.
So grab your Diet Coke, open up your mind, put in those earbuds,
and let's talk friend to friend.
(01:03):
Do you want to build solid self-confidence and to know your next step is the right one?
Do you find yourself feeling lonely and wondering if God has forgotten you in
your singleness? Hello and welcome to the Single Christian Woman Podcast.
I'm Sharon Lamar, party of one expert until the age of 52.
(01:28):
Remaining single for what felt like a lifetime had me constantly questioning.
Music.
My self-confidence skyrocketed, and I was happier.
(01:51):
In this podcast, you will find practical strategies, tips, and tools to help
you strengthen two key relationships, the one you have with God and the one you have with yourself.
So grab your Diet Coke, put in those earbuds, and let's chat friend to friend.
Can you comfortably wear every single piece of clothing in your closet?
(02:16):
Does every pair of jeans fit you?
For me, I currently have two sizes of pants in my closet.
Now, my husband, on the other hand, has one pair of cargo shorts that he's had
since his daughters were teenagers.
We're talking like 20-ish years
ago. He has had the same waist size his entire adult life, 36 inches.
(02:41):
And I just think that's crazy. How is it possible that this man doesn't have
at least one more size of pants in his closet or belts? To me,
it's a complete mystery.
I don't understand how you can wear the same clothes all that long because they fit.
Anyway, now when I discover that my pants have shrunk somehow in the dryer,
(03:03):
right? That's how it happens. I'm disappointed.
I'm I'm frustrated. And really what I tend to do is I beat myself up about it.
The truth is I really do know why I'm disappointed, frustrated,
and beating myself up. It's because of my thinking.
I'm thinking that I'm a loser. I'm an out-of-control eater. I'm fat.
I'm lazy. You get the list, all the things.
(03:26):
But the real problem is that I have just simply been overeating.
I've been giving my body more fuel than it needs. And it's as simple as that.
Now, you can see the solution, right? I mean, the solution is,
for my pants to fit, has nothing to do with the dryer, is stop over-fueling
my body, and it will become smaller, right?
(03:47):
But here is what can happen. I can get desperate, and I can think that I have
to solve this problem right now.
How can I lose 10 pounds, I think to myself? And I got to do it right now.
Sometimes I even think like I could do it in a week, which is like insane.
So anyway, so I take drastic steps sometimes. I do unhealthy steps to make my
(04:11):
body get smaller faster.
I might even try to starve myself or fuel my body on, you know,
diet Coke and rice cakes or something.
I might join a high interval training class at the Y or something and just really
kind of starve myself and beat myself up in order to lose the pounds really
quickly because I'm desperate to do that.
(04:31):
And I'm desperate to do it because I don't like how I feel. I'm unhappy.
Now, I want you to stick with me for a minute. The title of this episode is
the number one reason you're stuck in singleness.
It's not the number one reason that your pants don't fit. Okay,
so hang with me for a minute.
But I want you to consider that one reason you're stuck in singleness is the
same reason I'm desperate to lose 10 pounds today. It's because you're unhappy.
(04:56):
Again, stick with me. Just listen in. And I want you to consider,
like I said in the intro, open up your mind to allow yourself to just even consider
that what I'm about to tell you is true and that hearing it and doing something
about it will help you get unstuck.
Now, if you've been listening in and doing the work that I suggested in episodes
(05:18):
26 and 27, you have already created a list of obstacles that are between you
being single and you being engaged.
Engaged and you've also listed correlating solutions to each of those obstacles.
And remember in episode 27, we talked about a couple of those obstacles and
I offered up correlating strategies, like the obstacle, maybe you're thinking,
(05:41):
I'm not even dating and or no one will want me.
Well, in this episode, we're going to talk about the obstacle of unhappiness and,
It is being unhappy. Well, not it is being unhappy is in your way,
but I want you to think about that.
Is it unhappiness in your way of you getting what you want, getting engaged and getting married?
(06:04):
And I'm going to say and suggest, and that you open up your heart and mind to, is the answer is yes.
Now, unhappy is a feeling.
It's a vibration in your body caused by a thought in your brain.
That's it. That's all that feelings are.
A vibration in your body caused by a thought in your brain.
So let's play around with this for a moment so that you can see how feeling
(06:27):
unhappy can affect your life.
Now I'm going to use myself as an example. I'm going to use myself from just yesterday.
Okay, see if you can relate to this. This is how the feeling of emotion or the
feeling of unhappiness or emotion, same thing, feeling emotion,
same thing, affects how I show up. I was super cranky yesterday.
(06:48):
I complained a lot. I vented to myself. And then to get confirmation,
I called my sister to vent.
So I kept replaying the unhappiness in my own head and out loud to others.
So I had this loop going.
I was also kind of not cold, but cooler and a little edgy when my husband came
(07:09):
home. And I'm normally not that way.
I was an unhappy person. And I made sure that not only did I know I was unhappy.
I wanted my sister to know and my husband to know too, okay?
So you can see how my unhappiness affected my day.
So the question is, are you unhappy?
Are you unhappy about being single? Now, if you are, I want you to consider
(07:32):
that your unhappiness is affecting you getting what you want.
To find love, get engaged, and married, okay?
Now, one way I see this showing up with the single women that I have talked
to and coached, is sometimes they become desperate to find love and get married.
Remember, like me, desperate to lose the 10 pounds?
(07:54):
You're basically desperate to get out of the pain of your own life.
And it happens that way. Sometimes you just get desperate. And what happens
when you get desperate is you take risks, you're willing to settle,
you do things that are unhealthy, you people-please, and you forget who you are and whose you are.
So let me be super specific.
(08:15):
In your unhappiness and desperation to get out of being single and into relationship,
you began taking risks that you know are risks, but you do them because you're desperate.
You compromise your values and your ethics.
You find yourself willing to settle and marry just about any man just to be married.
(08:36):
I actually had a friend that did that. You bend and mold yourself into who you
think a man wants. You say yes to things that in your heart,
in your head, you really want to say no to.
You people please and you put yourself in danger.
Now I want you to ask yourself a question. If you get yourself into a relationship
(08:57):
from a place of desperation,
I'll bet that you can already see the writing on the wall of what type of man
you will be in relationship with and what that relationship will look like.
And I promise you really don't want that. You don't want to get into a relationship
from a place of desperation.
Unhappiness can fuel that. The second way I see unhappiness showing up in single
(09:21):
women is how it showed up for me yesterday. I complained.
I spread my complaining around by venting to my sister. I was kind of cooler
and edgy with my husband.
Basically, I was a negative crank, and I was in total victimhood.
I was like a woe-is-me person, you know? Can you picture that?
The femme fatale with her hand on her, you know, the back of her hand on her
(09:44):
forehead and leaning back and, whoa, woe is me. Anyway, that was kind of where I was.
And again, let me be even more specific. I know that kind of sounds kind of dramatic,
but here's how unhappiness and kind of that woe is me attitude,
that in that how you actually show up as a stereotypical cranky spinster who
complains, is closed off,
(10:04):
is unwilling to enjoy life, and is simply not attractive.
You're probably more sarcastic in your tone about your singleness,
and you think you might be being funny in your jokes about being single,
but I'm going to tell you, it only puts the walls up higher.
You close yourself off from others. Now, you may think you're really doing a
good job of masking your crankiness, but I'm telling you the truth.
(10:27):
It shines through, my friend. It shines through.
People, men, pick up on your bristly, cranky vibe. They do.
Now, from this place of woe is me, it's really hard to get into the relationship that you want.
And if you did, I would guess that the man you're in relationship with is also
swimming in the pool and in the pit of woe is me.
(10:50):
Do you want that? I'm going to say you don't want that either.
Okay, so what do you do? You don't want to show up as desperate,
and you know you also don't want to show up from a woe-is-me posture.
Neither of those things are going to give you what you really want,
moving from single to engaged to married with a healthy relationship.
(11:12):
The best solution to being desperate and woe-is-me is to feel the emotion of
happiness when you're single.
Feel the emotion of happiness. Now think about it.
Showing up as happy is way more attractive and fun and safe than being desperate and woe is me.
(11:34):
And you get to experience your life from a place of happiness.
When I was single, I was happy. Now, of course, there were times when I was
not happy, where I was unhappy.
And sometimes I showed up in the desperate mode. I totally can see myself doing
that. And quite frankly, I'm horrified and embarrassed by it.
And sometimes the woe is me me mode. Same thing. I can see it.
(11:56):
Looking back. But those times were not the norm for me.
And they weren't because I intentionally chose to be happy.
They weren't normal for me because on the regular, I chose to be happy.
I wanted to be happy now.
I didn't want to wait, expecting someone else to make me happy. I wanted it now.
(12:18):
And I knew then what I know even more now as I work with clients.
That I am in charge of my own happiness, and you are too. You are in charge of your own happiness.
So I took action to be happy now in my singleness.
I intentionally sought out opportunities to be happy. I did work that was fulfilling and challenging.
(12:42):
I took care of myself financially and spiritually and physically.
Because I took charge of my happiness, I was never desperate I didn't need to get married.
I knew that I would be just fine on my own.
I did not need a man to save me financially, spiritually, or physically.
My life was good, and finding a good man would only make my good life better.
(13:08):
And that's how I want you to show up.
I want that for you because it is the most powerful way to show up and the most fun.
And your single life journey will be so much more powerful and fun than one
of desperation and woe is me.
It can be done. You can live happily single while you're looking for and finding
(13:32):
what you want next, engagement and marriage.
Now, you're probably wondering, okay, Sharon, I hear you. I don't want to be
desperate or woe is me, so how do I create happiness for myself?
Well, I want to offer up two ways that will help you.
Now, first is to do the very same work that we talked about in episodes 26 and 27.
(13:54):
Think about it this way. Your goal, what you want, is to be happy now.
Now you're going to make a list of all the obstacles, all the reasons you are not happy right now.
To prompt yourself, maybe consider different areas of your life,
like spiritual or physical or financial or work.
Are you happy about your spiritual life?
(14:16):
What about your physical, which means your health and your body?
What about your work? Are you happy there?
What is it that that you are unhappy about in any of those areas.
That's the obstacle. Okay, so you're going to make a list of your obstacles, why you're not happy.
Now, go ahead and listen to everything that your brain has to say as to why
(14:37):
you're not unhappy in your singleness.
But don't let it just ramble around in your brain. That gets really,
can feel much larger and insurmountable than it really is. So take it out and put it on paper.
I have talked about that not a hundred times. I don't have a hundred episodes
yet. But anyway, I've talked about it a lot. The power of pen to paper.
(14:57):
List the obstacles that are keeping you from being happy in your singleness.
Then just like I did before for each
obstacle list a correlating strategy
that you can overcome that you can take to
overcome that obstacle so we've done that work in episodes 26 and 27 and you're
going to do it again here why is it that you're unhappy you want to be happy
(15:20):
that's your goal and then go to work one by one implementing those strategies
to overcome each obstacle moving
ever closer to being happily single.
Now, I'm not saying you're going to stay there as single, but you're going to
come from a much better posture and have way more fun as, again,
you search for the ultimate goal.
(15:41):
Secondly, how to create happiness. Train and manage your brain.
Now, you're not unhappy. I hate to tell you this, but it's true.
You're not unhappy because you're single.
You're unhappy because of the thoughts you have about being single.
Now, the fact is you are single for whatever reason, whatever brought you to singlehood.
(16:02):
Now, what are you making that fact mean about you?
If you're unhappy, it's because of what you're making it mean about you being single.
Do you make it mean that there's something wrong with you? Do you make it mean
that God has forgotten you? Do you make it mean that time is even running out?
If you think something is wrong with you, you will feel the emotion of unhappiness.
(16:25):
Oh my goodness, and if you think God has forgotten about you,
same thing. You're going to feel unhappy.
If you think time is running out, unhappiness. And all of those also will lead to desperation.
So how do you train and manage your brain? Begin by thinking about what you think.
And then challenging that thought that there's something wrong with you.
(16:48):
Allow yourself to question that thought by allowing yourself to think about
all the things that are right with you.
Look for the evidence that you know exists, that God has not forgotten about you.
Just look for that and ask your brain to find it.
Say, and even talk to God, Heavenly Father, I need to see evidence that you
(17:08):
haven't forgotten about me.
Help me to see that throughout my day. And rather than seeing time from a scarcity
mindset, look to see it in abundance, how you have the perfect amount of time
to get exactly what you want.
So as you can see, creating happiness takes intention, effort, and practice.
It doesn't come quickly, but it comes.
(17:30):
So I really want you, my friend, to allow yourself the time needed to shift
from experience life as unhappy to experiencing it as happy.
And extend yourself grace and love as you make that shift.
There's nothing wrong with you, I promise.
Everything is solvable. Every obstacle can be overcome.
(17:51):
You can be happier, no matter your marital status. Your happiness matters. It affects your life.
And hey, my friend, I want to thank you for hanging in today as we talk about
how unhappiness affects your desire to date, get married, first get engaged, and then get married.
Also, I hope that this episode was helpful and hopeful and gave you something to think about.
(18:17):
You and your happiness. Think about those things, you and your happiness.
You, my friend, are amazing, and I love you so much.
I wish you a wonderful and happy week ahead. I'll see you next week. Bye.
(19:00):
You.
Music.
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