March 26, 2024 • 42 mins
My bestie LIZZY!!! is on the pod to give you the 411 on advocating for yourself when...
- People cross your boundaries
- People hurt your feelings
- People are disrespecting you
- You need help
...while also keeping in mind:
- There are two sides to every story
- People who love you don't intend to hurt you
- Coming in HOT is not the best approach
- And more <3
We giggled the entire way through this episode and Lizzy dropped some amazing truth bombs of wisdom you don't wanna miss!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
What is up you beautiful frickin humanbeings welcome back to another episode
of wrestling with the life I'm your hostand lead as always and if you are new
here Wrestling with life is for anybodywho wants to get out of their head and
to grab life by the freaking balls Jointhe frickin wrestling squad if that
(00:28):
sounds like you and you have tuned infor a live Wonderful episode, if that's
the case, because we are talking abouthow to advocate for ourselves today and
we have an amazing guest on the podcast.
One of my besties, her name is Lizzie.
We've been friends for several years.
We play soccer together and shehas just been a shining example of
(00:51):
what advocating for yourself lookslike while also considering the
other person's perspective, right?
That's something that I.
really struggle with because I'm feisty.
I'm sassy.
I don't like when people disrespectme and when they cross my
boundaries and hurt my feelings.
And in the past, I am ready to go towar with someone when they do that.
(01:14):
And Lizzie has really helped me torealize that everybody is experiencing
reality through a different lens.
And that there's two sides to the storyand also what really happened in between.
So tune into this episodeto hear Lizzie's wisdom.
This episode was so much fun to recordand we giggled the entire way through.
(01:35):
And I hope that you guys love it as welland can learn some things from Lizzie.
So let's get into it, y'all.
All right.
Wrestling fam.
Welcome back to thewrestling with life podcast.
I'm going to go vomit and thencry because one of my besties
in the world is here on the pod.
We'll today.
Lizzie.
Hello.
What's up, Lizzie?
(01:55):
How are you?
I'm good.
How are you?
I'm good.
How you feeling, babe?
A little nervous, but excited.
Hey, I'm a little nervous, too.
I still get nervous everytime I record an episode.
the reason we got Lizzie on the pod today.
It's because we're going to talk aboutadvocating for ourselves, standing
up for ourselves, setting boundaries,saying no, telling people when
they're being assholes, and honestlyjust standing up for what's right.
(02:19):
And first person that came tomind for this topic was you.
Oh, thank you.
Because, dude, you just, youglow with that bad bitch energy.
With that don't fuck with me energy.
And not even in a way that's offputting, but like, you just carry
yourself in such a, I know who I am.
I know what I stand for.
Don't mess with me.
And it's just so respectable.
(02:41):
Like, literally, since the moment thatI met you, which was on the soccer
field, you were pushing bitches around.
You were standing your ground.
You're being assertiveand strong from day one.
Yeah, I hope you know how I see you.
You don't make me cry.
That's why you're here, babe.
I love you.
I love you.
And you've also been Such a hugesupporter of the pod since day one, you
(03:02):
also designed the cover art for the pod.
You actually named the podcast actually.
Yes.
When I was sleep deprived afterone of our 11 o'clock games.
What did you say to me again?
We were brainstorming names.
A bunch of them were B.
S.
I just remember being tired.
Like I should go to bed, butI have this like so cool idea.
Like I should make a podcast andwe just started brainstorming ideas
(03:25):
and I just got brought back to theiconic picture of you wrestling.
Yeah.
I was like, what if you didn'tlike wrestling with life?
And you're like, I was completely joking.
I was fucking joking.
And you're like, wait.
And I was like, Oh shit.
Oh, I actually eat good.
And like the podcast cover is.
That picture.
Yeah.
It's perfect.
You literally named everything andit was a joke, but here we are.
(03:48):
Here we are.
How long ago is that now?
Like, it was I mean, we started kind ofbrainstorming in what, June, July of 2023.
Yeah.
So it's yeah, fat minute.
Yeah.
And I'm so happy to have you on.
I decided to be here.
Yes.
I know you have so much wisdom to share.
So let's first kick itoff with how we met.
(04:08):
So I kind of already spoiledit, but we met playing soccer.
You take it from there.
We were both kicking ass, taking names.
Um, We were both a littleintimidated by each other.
We were like, oh shit, she's really good.
Yes.
And then we had a couple hangoutsand then we were like, oh wait,
but she's really fucking cool.
Yeah.
And then from there, the rest is history.
You were always like alittle bit scary to me.
(04:28):
Not because of any otherreason, except like what I said
before, how you carry yourself.
Like, you command respect,you know what I mean?
Yeah, so we play co ed indoorsoccer with all of our friends.
And, yes, still to this day But when wemet, like, I had no idea who you were,
and I think it was, like, a few months.
We were trying to figure out earlier,like, when We were like, what exactly
(04:49):
kickstarted this kind of thing?
Yeah, I don't remember.
I don't remember either.
Yeah.
But what I do know is I respect thefuck out of you, and here you are.
Yes, same here.
So, okay, so Start with a quote for me.
Okay.
I asked you to bring a quote.
I know you have a quote and I know youhave a little backstory of that quote too.
so my quote is from my father.
It is there's no progressin being comfortable.
(05:09):
So he kind of gave me this littlenote as I was going away to college.
Super sweet.
And it basically summed that up hehas always had to like work really
hard for what he, like, he doesn'thave a college degree or yeah,
he doesn't have a college degree.
He went into the army.
Yeah.
And so he worked his wayup to where he is now.
And so he kind of like instilledthat in me and I kind of ran with it.
(05:30):
And what do you think led himto giving you that advice?
He's always been the one to like pushme and I think like he's always seen it.
Yeah I was super shy when I was littlelike super super shy Never wanted to
cause any problems or anything like thatbut he's always pushed me to do better
because I was Growing up, you know, you'relike, oh, I don't need to study that hard.
(05:52):
I'm gonna get an A anyways.
My dad's like no You can get ahundred percent kind of thing.
Yeah, not in a bad wayHe saw your potential.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah And so he kind of just left mewith that little seed and then it grew.
Yeah.
And here we are.
It's still shocking to methat you were shy growing up.
So shy.
Like, I like talk to people, like whenwe go out, like rigs and all of them,
(06:14):
they're like, Hmm, you're a lot different.
I'm like, Yeah, I am.
Who is this girl?
Yeah.
Like only like people that I was closeto list, like saw this side of me.
Like there were two sides of Lizzie.
Yeah.
Shy Lizzie.
And then.
Lizzie.
Yeah.
So your dad giving you thatquote and you said it was when
in college your freshman year?
Yeah, literally as he was dropping me off.
(06:34):
Yeah, like he was procrastinatingthe whole day He was like,
can we go to target again?
I think you need this this and this wewant to target like five times And so he
literally left a note On my like it waseither on top or underneath my pillow.
Yeah So I of course bawled my eyesout because my parents just left
like just moved me in Yeah, and heleft me with that little note Do
you feel like that was kind of thechange like when you started shifting
(06:56):
from shy lizzie to bad bitch lizzie?
Yeah, I also went to college away fromhome Okay, like originally I wanted
to go all the way out to coloradoYeah, but I did like a soccer camp
out there and i'm like I miss myfamily I can't come home once a year.
I get a Christmas break.
I get um You So, going away to college,I was like, okay, I'm like, a comfortable
distance, but I still have to Push myselfto be uncomfortable right to make friends
(07:22):
like literally restart like no one knewwho I was I was the only person from my
high school that went there Mm hmm, and mybrother was the second person from my high
school that went there two years later.
So like right no one knows So it'stime to reinvent Lizzie a little
bit and decide who you wanted to be.
What was the quote again?
There's no progress in being comfortable.
(07:42):
I love that so much.
One of the first episodes that I publishedon this podcast was Stop Playing Small,
and it was a quote by Nelson Mandela.
And I'm going to blank on it now, butI remember it, I wish I could quote
it, but it was something along thelines of like, when we stay in our own
little box, like we miss out on so much.
(08:03):
Yeah.
So, so, so much.
And like conversations, experiences,feelings, like it's not just you
miss out on, you know, you reallyput yourself On the bench, like
you take yourself out of the gameand you put yourself on the bench.
So I love that he gave you that advice.
And again, like, I tookit and ran with it.
Yeah.
Like, I feel like I use it likelooking back because like, I
(08:23):
prepped for this a little bit.
And so I did like, I don't think I evenI realized how much I put that out there.
I'm like followed and likeeverything basically that I do.
You're like analyzing yourlife back and like, holy shit,
like, dad, you changed my life.
No, I love that.
Okay.
So now let's fast forward through college.
We'll come back to that in a littlebit, but now let's talk about you.
(08:47):
So you're a teacher now, you're afiance, newly engaged, shout out Ben.
And what else?
What are your other hobbies?
Play soccer.
I really like to do artsy things, sowhatever that may be, paint, draw.
I doodle on my iPad from time to time.
(09:08):
I got a painting from youon my wall right over there.
Yeah?
Yes, ma'am.
I don't know, I just like to hang outwith friends, family, I'm a big, like,
I love being around the people I love.
Yeah.
Kind of thing, so.
So, being a teacher, obviously,that's going to naturally cause you
to need to advocate for yourself,to push yourself out of your
comfort zone, like your dad said.
(09:28):
Mm hmm.
Talk to me about how being ina teaching role now has kind
of brought that out of you.
So I feel like I not onlyhave to do it for myself.
I have to do it for my current kidsand I have to do it for my future kids.
I might cry.
Go for it, but let it out.
I just like remembering COVID cause likeI, I wanted to be a veterinarian for
(09:50):
the longest time and then I switchedover to teaching and then I realized
like how much of an impact I could make.
On kids like hopefully in a good way.
Yeah.
I know I sometimes like complain aboutthem, but I'll see I see them all as
like little brothers and sisters kindof and I'm helping them find like their
way kind of in their middle school.
They have no idea who they are.
Right?
(10:10):
I had no idea who I was in middle school.
But I loved it.
I loved my teachers.
And so I'm like, I wantto be that for kids.
How do you practice being that for them?
Like, what does that look like in action?
I preach a lot of communication.
So, like, growing up, I feel likea lot of teachers were like, you're
going to do it because I saidyou need to do it kind of thing.
(10:31):
But I know today's kids, they'reso different than we were so
different that does not fly at all.
So you kind of feel like levelwith him and be like, the
reason we're doing this is this.
And so I think justcommunication is a big world.
And that do you kind of act aswhat your dad was for you where
you're like, I see your potential.
I see you slacking in this way, orI see that you could be better here.
(10:54):
Like, how do you go aboutthose kind of conversations?
I definitely call him out on it.
Yeah.
But in a way that I knowthey're comfortable.
With it.
But I do typically like sit them downand be like, Hey, you're doing this.
I know, you know, we know that's not okay.
And they always ends up like,yes, Miss Cochran kind of thing.
(11:15):
Yeah.
I think a lot of peoplereally struggle to.
Do that.
And actually in Duvon's episode, we talkeda lot about being the type of friends
that call each other out and that kindof speak up when you see that the other
person, like, isn't being their bestself was a little bit harder is when.
(11:36):
The thing that you want tospeak up about is personal.
And it's something, it's like an issuethat you personally have with them.
So like advocating, you know, forsomeone else or like calling someone
else out, it's a little bit differentthan like, Hey, I'm actually bringing
up like, so you pissed me off.
Yeah.
You, you pissed me off.
You hurt me.
You know, you disappointed me.
You broke my boundary,like whatever it is.
(11:58):
So that's kind of a different take.
What are your thoughts on that?
Because in my eyes, you've kindof been someone who like, You
don't really hesitate to do that.
I wouldn't call you confrontationalbecause I actually think you're
pretty non confrontational in general,but I feel like if something needs
to be addressed, you address it.
So I want to know yourperspective on that.
Yeah.
So I definitely feel like I take my timeand I've learned over the ages, like.
(12:24):
I've also lost some friends dueto, like, not communicating.
Oh, really?
Mm hmm.
And so, I think, like, again, goingback to that quote, you can't make
any progress with being comfortable.
Mm hmm.
Kind of thing.
I'm like, okay, my friendshipis either gonna stay stagnant
or go downhill from here.
Yeah.
Like, I would much rather talk about it,keep you as one of the people that I love.
(12:45):
And move past it right kind of thing.
So you have like two optionsreally like if someone's pissing
you off or hurting you or didsomething and you hold on to that.
You've seen that play out in yourlife to explode the friendship.
Yeah.
Either does that or likeI internally explode.
No, 100%.
(13:06):
It's interesting tohear you say that like.
You were shy growing up and likelearned later to advocate for yourself.
I was telling you earlier.
I kind of grew up being veryoutspoken, very sassy, very like
you're going to know what's on my mind.
I would have been scared of you.
I would have been scared of you.
A lot of people have beenscared of you over the years.
(13:27):
But then I kind of went through likea period of my life where I feel
like I lost that spark a little bit.
And I realized in hindsight and aftera lot of freaking therapy that the
reason that I started doing that andI started withdrawing is because I
didn't want the conflict and becauseit was a way that I protected myself.
So it was like, even if someone'supsetting me, hurting me, all the things
(13:49):
we were talking about, I'm just going tolike, not say anything or like, Almost
be like overly nice to them to like, tryto compensate for that and then like, I
would get disastrous results from that.
Obviously, like, have youever experienced that before?
Yeah, again, like, definitely hadlike, the same experience where like,
you just try to like, rush over it.
(14:11):
Yeah, just be like, thesuper nice about it.
But like, deep down inside, you'restill like, Maybe pissed off about it.
And so it's just kind of like, I justfeel like rumbling like in my body.
I'm like, I mean, they're gonna explodeor like something bad's gonna happen.
Again, just like going back to like thecommunication part for me, I think that's
like a big thing that I've always done.
(14:32):
Like I went to therapy and like, Ithink, cause I went to therapy when I
was little and it was very traumatic.
I did not like it.
Going to therapy wastraumatic when I was little.
Why?
How little were you?
This goes back to the divorce.
So like I would tell stuff to mytherapist and then the therapist
would bring it up In court.
No.
Yeah.
So, you know, you told me this before.
That's fucked up.
And so I did not like it.
(14:53):
And so I was like, I'm not goingback to therapy kind of thing.
And then I did.
I'm like, this is completely different.
now.
Yeah.
And I think she also, my therapist,brought up, like, a lot in me, too,
and made me realize a couple of things,like, it's not just my friends who
were, like, I was being pissed off withor, like, they were doing bad things.
I also had fault to play in it, too.
(15:15):
Of course.
Yeah.
So, I think, like, another thing,like, when I'm pissed off at
people, like, I know, like, they'renot the only one in the wrong.
There's a like my family has alwayssaid both sides of my family because
we're divorced there's Like side aside B and then what really happened
right in the middle kind of thingSo just like not being afraid to
like admit that you were wrong.
(15:36):
Yeah That's huge because I think likewhen we're angry, it's so easy to just
project all the blame on to someoneelse How many times have I called you?
In like a fit of, a fit of rage andyou're like, I'm like, why don't we
try to see like the other, and I reallyappreciate that you do that because that's
something I'm still working on doing islike, I get so, okay, let me back up.
(16:00):
So I went to therapy.
I started on doing a lot of the peoplepleasing stuff, and then I feel like I
almost went on the opposite spectrum ofit again, where like, I was on one extreme
of like, really people pleasing and reallylike, allowing people to walk all over
me, and then I like, as I started learningboundaries again and speaking up for
myself and stuff, then I almost startedlike, almost seeing myself as like, If
(16:25):
you hurt me, if you violate my boundaries,like you're immediately in the wrong
I'm not going to let anybody hurt me.
Like, it's your fault.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
So, like, I love what you just said abouttaking accountability because it's such
a crucial, uh, Step in a crucial part ofyeah of conflict and of advocating for
yourself It's like if you come in a blazeand you start like screaming at someone
(16:47):
for what they did wrong to you Likethere's holes in your argument already
Mm hmm, and I'm not saying that I'm likethe saint at doing this like there's
still times where Ben gotta love him.
He uh, Kind of like takes me out of itsometimes because I do go through like,
there's still some stuff that like, I keeprumbling inside of me sometimes that I'm
not like, ready to, you know what I mean?
(17:08):
Because like, sometimes I like tothink about it before I bring it up.
But he kind of like snaps me out of it.
Yeah.
And so like, sometimes how I like snap youout of it, like, we're good kind of thing.
He's he's my person.
That's like a.
Cut it out.
Yeah.
Anger is such a powerful emotion too.
And I feel like that's kind of what causesme to finally like say something if it's
(17:30):
bothering me is because I get angry.
Yeah.
And then a lot of times by the time I'mangry, it comes out as like, yeah, yeah.
Same here.
Same here.
And then there's a lot of apologizingafter because then I feel bad.
It's always like a cycleof like, yeah, yeah.
Okay, I'm a little pissed off.
I'm pissed.
I'm angry.
And then, I'm so sorry.
(17:51):
Yes, it's always like, I'm sorryfor what I said when I was hangry.
When I let it Hangry, keyword.
Hangry.
When it bottled up and exploded.
Yeah, I do the same thing.
And I think, we talkedabout this earlier too.
It's so important how you communicate.
There's a really right way todo things and a really wrong
thing to do it to do things.
(18:11):
So what's your take on someone'shurt you, pissed you off,
crossed your boundary, whatever.
What's the approach that you take in aperfect world or with the best outcome?
Like how do you recommend goingabout having that conversation?
One thing that I always, like, runthrough my head before I, like, bring
up something to someone is, like, howwould I feel if they did it to me?
(18:32):
Mm.
And so, like, that's how I feellike I go about a lot of things.
I always have these, like, deep thingsthat, like, force me to do stuff.
Yeah, that's good.
Um, But.
That kind of sometimes allows meto take the anger side out of it.
And then we talked about this earlier,the like, I feel this way because yeah.
And like, recognizingthat it's like an emotion.
(18:54):
And like, I typically ended up withlike, I know you didn't mean to do this.
Yeah.
Or like something like that.
Because that person maynot recognize it either.
Right.
So I feel like just takingit like they're human too.
They make mistakes.
We make mistakes.
I feel so convicted.
Um, So I just think aboutboth sides to the story.
(19:14):
You know what I mean?
Like I'm seeing it from one way.
They're seeing it from another.
That's such good advice, dude.
I, you know, the details of this, butfor the sake of like being appropriate
recently, Something happened in my lifewhere basically someone from my past
came back around for a hot second justto like really disrespect me really
(19:35):
hurt me and then dipped out again.
And for like the last month, I havebeen seething with anger about it
and this person isn't in my life.
So there wasn't a point tohave the conversation and
I keep thinking about how.
If we were able to have, like,talked out what happened, and I could
(19:55):
have got their side to the story,how much quicker I would have let
go of that anger, and instead it,like, bubbled inside me for a month.
I think there's so much power in whatyou just said about, like, really taking
the time to understand that, like, Alot of times you can assume the best in
people, especially people that love you.
Like they're not trying to hurt you.
(20:16):
Like they don't set outwith a vendetta to hurt you.
They were probably, like you said, justa human who made a mistake or they didn't
even realize they made a mistake and theywere just like acting normally and never
even considered you kind of a thing.
Yeah.
So I think that's really powerful.
And I think that happens a lot.
And like, people don'trecognize it either.
Yeah.
So again, I think I always harp on,like, communication and talking about it.
(20:40):
Like, if something pisses you offand the person doesn't know about it,
it's going to continue to piss youoff and they're not going to know.
So like, talk about it.
Yeah.
So, for people who reallyaren't good at conflict.
What's your advice on like how toeven bring that up with someone
because a lot of people just they'relike, they're like you were as a kid.
(21:02):
They have learned that conflict equals I'mgoing to lose this person from my life.
or they're going to explode at me ora bunch of bad things are going to
happen that I don't want to happen.
So I'm just going to avoid it.
I feel like that's why a lotof people avoid conflict.
So how do you recommendlike bringing that up?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I am sometimes a type a person.
So, like, I like to think ofboth, like, the positive and
(21:23):
the negative of a situation.
And so I say, like, plan for it kind of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, I'm very much a planner.
So, like, list down the stuffthat you want to talk about.
Because if you're like me, sometimeswhen I get to talking, everything
just disappears from my mind.
So plan for it.
And then also, like, let themknow that it's like a feeling.
Yeah.
That you have because sometimes ifyou just say like, I'm angry, they're
(21:46):
like, okay, why are you pissed off?
But like if you like explainwhere you're coming from Explain
how it's like impacting you,like kind of just like giving an
explanation of what like all of it.
Yeah, it really helps and I thinkit allows them to like calm down.
Not just you coming.
I'm pissed at you.
You did this, you did that, you did this.
Yeah, I kind of just feel, I feel thisway again going back to the I feel.
(22:08):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel this way because of this,not because of you kind of thing.
The planning for it is so good.
I will, I'm like famous for typingout exactly like what I would say
to that person in my notes app.
Yeah.
I'm like, I don't want to miss any points.
They need to hear everythought in my brain.
(22:29):
I'm like, I only want one conversation.
I don't want another one.
So write everything out.
Right.
Like let's get it out in one setting.
No, that's really good.
I think too.
Especially in this modern day digital age,I have lost so much time having texting
fights, or like voice memo fights, or likeAnd it goes down to a miscommunication.
(22:51):
A hundred percent.
There's so much opportunityfor you to misinterpret what
the other person's saying.
So if you can have an in personconversation where you can plan
it out and like, you don't haveto put a lot of stress around it.
Like you said, like, Hey, I've beenfeeling like really sad or upset and
you don't have to say it's about them.
Like, can I talk to you about it?
That way they're not in anxiety forlike a whole day before you guys talk.
(23:13):
Well, the worst is when youget that, like, can we talk?
And you have to wait hours.
usually like at work or you have somethingreally big going on the whole day.
The drama.
here's a great question.
Do you have an example of a, like arecent situation or really anytime,
like a good solid story of whenyou advocated for yourself and it.
(23:33):
Really turned out well.
For myself, I tend to advocatea lot for others that I love.
Yeah.
I hold the people that I lovereally close to my heart.
And so like, I'm not like,I'm ready to like dive off a
cliff for you kind of thing.
Like we're going to battle together.
It would have to be likein a school setting.
Yeah, because I am a new teacher.
(23:54):
This is my 3rd year.
So there's a lot.
I don't know.
There's a lot.
I'm expected to know.
Yeah.
Kind of thing.
And especially when it impacts meand then it can impact others is kind
of like where I draw the line to.
Yeah.
So it's definitely like, I don'twant to like say specifics.
No, I understand.
On your kind of thing.
I totally understand.
But advocating for myself, butagain, like going through the ways,
(24:14):
like I had it planned out, likewritten, like here's the four things.
Yeah.
I wanted to talk about thisis how it's making me feel.
Mm hmm.
This is how it's impactingme and other people.
Yeah.
Possibly.
something that I've had to do a lotlately is set boundaries and that's
something that like it sounds so Rigidand like I don't know when you hear
(24:37):
it's like a big it's like a wall.
Like yeah.
Yes.
Yeah Yeah, and it sounds very likeI'm not gonna let anyone get close
to me but honestly like boundariescan sometimes literally just be like
I'm not going to answer this personright away who needs something from
me because I'm not feeling great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right now.
And I have like my ownshit I need to deal with.
(24:57):
I've had to set boundaries withsome people in my life who with the
boundaries I already have set, theycontinually like didn't respect them.
And so like, I've had to be like, Ilove you a lot, but you show me every
time that you don't respect the boundarythat I said that you don't respect me.
And so I need to like, take some space,especially if it's like a reoccurring.
(25:21):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And people don't like that.
And it's hard.
Like, it sucks, but.
I think what it comes down to is likewhen you really do like respect your
space and your time and the friendshipsthat you do allow in your life,
because the older we get, man, it'slike, Oh, yeah, we talked about this.
You only have so much time in your day.
(25:41):
And so, like, really pickingand choosing who gets that time.
Why would I allow someone into my spacethat makes it clear they don't respect me?
Mm hmm.
I'm seeing a lot of that withwedding planning right now.
Really?
Like invites.
Oh my gosh.
Tell me about it.
It's just like, I went through thismentality of like, if I wouldn't have
dinner on a random Tuesday night withyou, why would you come to my wedding?
(26:02):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kind of thing.
That's amazing.
Same thing with like life too.
Like, it's not necessarily that like I'mgetting something out of the friendship,
but like, If I'm constantly getting hurt,we've talked about it multiple times.
Like, I'm sorry.
Yeah, there's literallynothing more I can do.
Right.
And recognizing that is like thebiggest sigh of relief because I used
(26:25):
to have a lot of guilt around that.
And like, I do have a lot oflove for you, but like, Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I, and I don't want you to notbe in my life, but like you're giving
me no other choice, you know, likeyou're forcing my hand and you get
like a lot of anxiety about it too.
Yeah.
It's just, it's a lot.
Yeah.
It's like holding likeheavy on your heart.
Yeah.
(26:46):
How do you feel like when youfinally do stand up for yourself
or you do have a hard conversation?
Is it mostly relief during it?
It's a lot of anxiety.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And being like, scared because you, youdon't know how they're going to react.
You know what I mean?
You could be bringing up tough thingsand could have reactions that you
don't necessarily know are there.
(27:06):
Right.
But afterwards you're like,damn, I did that kind of thing.
It's like pride.
Yeah.
And if it goes well, I've noticedthat like, Friendships have grown.
From them.
Yeah.
And so like, that's why I like, Icontinue, like, sometimes I'll just
like stop and be like, we need to talk.
Yeah.
A hundred percent.
If they're your real friend, theconflict's going to bring you closer.
(27:29):
It's going to be a good thing.
Not positive in the end.
Yep.
Might be some anxiety and, and fearand uncomfortable combos to get there.
But in the end you walk away withsomeone who actually knows what's on
your heart and in your head and you'renot like preoccupied by it so much.
I don't know about you, but like.
When I have something on my mind that'sreally bothering me, it consumes me.
(27:51):
It's always there.
Yes.
It weighs heavy in your head.
Yeah.
Just always there.
Yeah.
It's like, until I have that conversation,until I feel like I said my piece, like
it's all I think about in my brain.
Same here.
Yeah.
Same here.
And that's why I like, I'm morewilling to like, be like, Hey,
we need to talk quicker than justkeeping it eating up inside of me.
(28:11):
Because I've noticed that like, that'swhen friendships really go downhill.
Cause it's just, it'smore and more and more.
Yeah.
Then finally you explode.
Yes.
And then that's what, like, whenI explode, I can't control it.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
So, like, those angers, those, Ifeel this way because out the window.
Yeah.
And, like, not to mention the resentmentthat builds if you keep it inside.
(28:35):
Like I've had full conversationsin my head with people that
I've never in the shower, in theshower, like that I've never had.
And all that does is just buildso much resentment within me.
And.
You know you it's easy to think abouthow it hurts the friendship, but it also
hurts you just you because like You'reso consumed by something That never
(28:59):
actually gets resolved and then it'sblown completely out of proportion because
you never get the other person's sideYou never take your own accountability
and responsibility in the situation andit's just a clusterfuck Yeah, for sure
and like talking about this like withyou No, when you're going through it,
you're like, Oh, I'm the only personI'm overthinking this so much But like
the more that like I talk to you or likeother people are like is everyone think
(29:23):
like this I'm definitely when it comesto my relationships Like you were talking
earlier about how like you would literallydie for your people That's how I feel too.
Like if we have a bond and you have myback and you've supported me There's
probably nothing that I wouldn't dofor you like you're a homie for life,
(29:43):
and I'm gonna cherish that friendship.
And so that's why it bothersme so much when we're not cool.
Because like, if I'm having a falloutwith someone and it's consuming me like
that, because they mean a lot to me.
So it's like, I think, yeah, ifyou really care about people,
that is how your mind works.
And you're just going to be stewingand thinking about all the possible
(30:06):
outcomes until it's resolved.
Yeah.
And no matter which way it goes, causeI've had talks that have ended friendships
and ones that have made it grow.
If the friendship doesn't grow,I've seen growth in myself.
I have had like roommatesituations that have shit the bed.
Needless to say.
Relatable.
Yeah.
And afterwards I'm like, okay, thatdidn't go as I thought it would.
(30:30):
Right.
As I hoped it would.
Damn, I stood up for myself.
Yeah, I did it.
I feel good.
I could do it again.
Right.
And you back the way thatyou handled the situation.
So it's like, I've doneeverything I can do.
So if that's what itis, that's what it is.
That's how it's gonna be.
That's how it's gonna be.
(30:51):
No.
And accepting that, Has also been reallydifficult because like, I really want
to control situations a lot and controloutcomes and that just leads to even
more anxiety and even more frustration.
So letting go, like learning to let go.
Like, I'm still not perfect at I'mstill working on it, but that's a
major growth point that I've seen inmyself, especially in the last couple
(31:13):
of years is like, You really just gotto like let people do their thing and
you can't control how other peopleact and like if you Respect how you've
handled the situation and then theiractions are the reason that it blows up.
So be it.
Yeah, you be you You be you youdo you you do it to yourself?
(31:33):
Sorry, I do that with mykids You do that in class.
They do that to me.
Do they really or I do it to them back?
But yeah, is that from a tiktokit is it's like basically like
You You did it to yourself.
Uh, okay.
So like I did it like I did my ownpart, but yeah, you did it to you.
I feel like I'm really interestedto know for you because it
seems like you've gotten reallygood at protecting your space.
(31:56):
What's the line that you drawwith people in your life?
So like you said earlier, if yourepeatedly hurt me, if there's like a
repeated cycle where you continuallybreak my boundaries or hurt me and like,
I'm seeing that this just over and over.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That this isn't working.
That's obvious one.
What else?
What other things have you had toeither cut people out of your life
(32:17):
on or take a step back from thembecause of shit that they're doing?
Like another example of that.
I definitely had like friendships.
But like transitioning fromhigh school, like little Lizzie,
little shy Lizzie into this Lizziedidn't go so well kind of thing.
In what way?
People didn't like the adjustment.
(32:37):
I was very much like apushover kind of thing.
They couldn't boss you around anymore.
Yeah.
And so when I started like beinglike, no, that's a little fucked up.
Yeah.
They didn't like it.
Yeah.
Too bad, bitch.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Not sorry.
So then were they just outof your life at that point?
You were like, okay, bye.
I don't know.
It was, it was,
(32:58):
yeah.
Gotcha.
It was a tough friendship.
I wanted it to be there, but it was just alot of cycles that I was just like, okay,
I'm getting more hurt every single time.
It's time to let therapy space.
Yeah.
And then once I gave space andtook that energy, that was On
trying to fix that relationship.
(33:18):
Yeah, not necessarily fix it butlike improve it improve it talk about
it And put it somewhere else in mylife improved it's time to let go.
Yeah.
Yeah That immediate sigh of relief alwaysis a great indicator that you made the
right choice And it sucks because likeit could be a part again Like I will go
to battle for the people that I love.
(33:39):
Yeah, i'm like i'll talk aboutit with you a lot, right?
And it sucks to lose that person, butthen once you start to like, see the
other side of it, you're just like,again, where that energy is going,
it just makes your life a lot better.
A hundred percent.
One other thing I just thought of thatwe haven't talked about is like, we're
talking about mostly conflict, but Ithink advocating for yourself can also
(34:02):
look like asking for help sometimes.
So like, yeah, sometimes you have toadvocate for yourself and stand up
to other people, but sometimes you'rein a shitty situation and advocating
for yourself looks like being like,Hey, I can't handle this on my own.
Like, can you help me?
I'm such an independent girly.
I hate asking for help.
I hate the concept of like handouts.
Like I hate feeling like if I didn'twork for something or I didn't earn
(34:24):
something that's going to be given to me.
So, an example of this that Irecently did was, shout out to the
Kia boys, the Kia boys stole mycar twice in the last two years.
And it caused me so much stress,so much anxiety, freaking PTSD,
(34:46):
like, for the longest time.
I couldn't even like look outsidewithout like bracing myself to
prepare myself for my car to be gone.
I was just convinced PTSD for sure.
Literally.
Yeah.
And it got to the point wherelike when it got stolen the
second time, I then got it back.
And you know, I was seeing thenumbers at the shop to get it fixed.
And you know, this is a bunchof money out of my pocket,
(35:08):
so much time invested rental.
Like it's, it's such a mess,a clusterfuck, a clusterfuck.
And so I got to the point whereI was like, I cannot stay in this
goddamn car, but I owed more on thecar than what the car was worth.
So I was in a money pit situation whereI was like, I'm so fucked so I was
(35:28):
nervous as hell But I was also so upsetthat I pulled up to the dealership and
I went after work I wore my my bossgirl outfit as Emma does as Emma does
I walked into the dealership and Iwas like I'd like to file a complaint
I did not go in there screaming.
I did not go in there blaming.
I went in there and simply said,hi, my car has been stolen twice.
(35:52):
Kia has done nothing to fix thissituation except install an any theft
software in my car that did not work.
And I said, I am in areally shitty situation.
Please.
What is there that you can do to helpme out to make the situation right?
Long story short, I walked outof there with a jeep, a jeep
Cherokee, a beautiful new car.
(36:13):
I got a really great deal on it.
The people there really helped me out,got me out of my shitty situation.
And if I hadn't asked for help, Ihadn't gone in and advocated for myself,
I would not be in that situation.
I think it's also likeshowing that you're human.
Like, you brought emotion tothat, too and not, like, people
always say, like, pulling a Karen.
Like, you're not going inthere guns a blazin being like,
(36:35):
you owe me, kind of thing.
I think that helped a lot, too.
Right, because if you pull up and you actentitled, who's gonna want to help you?
Like, if I went out in there like,F bombing them and blaming them.
Those poor dealership people,that's not their fault.
Like they're just doing,they're not the Kia boys.
They're not the Kia boys.
That's not the real problem.
And they're not like Kia corporate either.
(36:56):
So I knew that that wouldn'tbe the right approach, nor like
would it have felt right to treatanother human being that way.
Like I don't understandthe Karen approach at all.
Well, if you go in with like your guardup, like, you know, ready to fight.
It's going to immediately they'regoing to do the same thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I saw in action, like the power ofspeaking up for yourself, but also doing
(37:19):
it away in a way, like we said earlier,where it's like, you're not being a dick.
You're not blaming.
You're saying, I feel like I told them.
I was like, I don't feel safe.
I have PTSD.
I've, you know, I'm reallyworried financially, like what
this is going to do to me.
Like I made it about myselfrather than them and, and it led
to a really positive outcome.
So I feel like that's a good takeaway.
(37:40):
Thanks babe.
Big girl, big girl energy.
Big girl energy.
I've had to do that in likea school setting before.
Really?
Like, I feel like a lot of my liferevolves around school being a teacher.
advocating for myself because like,I was like, I had so many preps,
like it was, it was a lot to dealwith and I just had to like, Be like,
(38:01):
Hey, this is a little fucked up.
I feel this way and like, they didn't knowthey didn't know how you were feeling.
Yeah.
I think that's like another thing,like the dealership, like, yeah,
they sell however many kiosk, butlike, they don't know your situation.
Right.
Like my principal, whoever did whatever.
Didn't know how I was feeling, but thenbecause I was willing to show emotion and
(38:22):
let my guard down and let them know howI was feeling, they were able to help.
Yeah.
Mm-Hmm.
. So they appealed to your emotion as well?
Mm-Hmm?
. Yeah.
Mm-Hmm.
. And it, did they fix the situation?
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Flying colors were good.
And what would've happenedif you never said anything?
I would've been miserable.
Yeah.
Mm-Hmm.
, I feel like a lot of us like.
We were talking about thisearlier, but it's with your job.
(38:43):
It's with literally anything where, like,you're feeling that angry emotion or,
you know, feeling stuck or just pissedoff and you don't do anything about it.
Like, you take yourselfout of the equation.
Like, you're not in the driver'sseat of your own life anymore.
And I know that can sound like harsh.
And I know there's a reason,like, why we all do that.
(39:03):
It's a lot of times atrauma response, right?
But it's also recognizing,like, if nobody needs it.
Does this like, it's not going toget it's not going to get done.
Yeah.
Like it's either me or noone going back to that quote.
It's like, you make noprogress being comfortable.
Like, I was uncomfortabletalking to my superiors about it.
But in the end, like, being thatuncomfortable showing my soft side.
(39:27):
Ended up having a great result.
Yeah, you mean?
Yes, ma'am.
I know exactly what you mean andthat quote way to tie that back.
I know.
Thank you.
Dad, Cochran.
Daddy.
Oh, if only I could sayhis high school nickname.
Oh, no.
How many real quick, how many likeversions of Cochran like Silly nicknames
(39:49):
have you got so many can we hear somany so I I really wanted to put on my
letterman jacket and from high schoolLiz like on the inside like no one
wouldn't have known that it was thereLizzie no cock cockerham no cock but
that's because on my dad's on his on theoutside yeah of his letterman jacket said
Philip big cock cockerham Oh my gosh.
(40:13):
Good for him.
Yeah.
At least it wasn't little.
That would be way worse.
Oh no, that was his little brother.
That's amazing.
Gotta love having that last name.
Did you get Mrs.
Cock at school?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
But kids, if you'relistening, no more of that.
Cut it out.
Respect your elders.
(40:33):
But I always do like the teacher stare.
I'm going to give you your phone.
The teacher said, What's funny.
Let me know.
See, this is why I sayyou're intimidating.
Are you kidding me?
I just act stupid.
I'm like, what's so funny about it?
And you're putting the fear of Godin those students when you do that.
I hope, you know, it's funny becauselike, they know that I'm joking.
Like we have that relationship,but like, bro, come on.
It's really not that funny,but they're also like nothing.
(40:55):
Yeah.
Nevermind.
I didn't say that.
Well, I feel like that kindof wraps up our conversation.
Is there anything you wanted to sayabout this topic that you didn't get to?
No, not much.
We covered a lot.
A lot more than I thought we would.
We really did.
Mm-Hmm.
. We've been going for a minute.
I know.
Well, thank you.
45 minutes.
45 minutes baby.
By the time y'all listen to this,I'm gonna cut that down a shit ton.
(41:18):
, thank you so much for coming on the pod.
This was so fun.
I feel like you're gonnahave to come back for more.
We're gonna need more.
Lizzie wisdom, I feel.
I feel honored to be here, . So I washappy, so ecstatic when you asked me.
Aw.
Well, I love you, babe.
And I'm so proud of you and theway that you live your life.
Like, I tell you this all the time,but I genuinely look up to you.
I look up to the waythat you carry yourself.
(41:38):
I'm always taking notes.
I'm like, well, can I do more of that?
Lizzie does.
Um, You inspire me and I feel likereally, really blessed to be your friend.
Well, same thing goes to you.
Everything that you said about me.
I can say right back to you.
I feel like we're good.
This is a good relationship.
I mean, this is a forever one.
Oh, bro.
Yeah.
I'm literally going to be in your wedding.
I got upgraded fromflower girl to bridesmaid.
(42:00):
Pretty cool.
Soon to be my bride.
Sorry, Ben.
Lizzie is my real life.
bye bye.
Bye.
Bye guys.
I don't know how to end it.
I don't know either.
Bye guys.
Adios.
What is up you beautiful frickin humanbeings welcome back to another episode
of wrestling with the life I'm your hostand lead as always and if you are new
here Wrestling with life is for anybodywho wants to get out of their head and
to grab life by the freaking balls Jointhe frickin wrestling squad if that
(00:28):
sounds like you and you have tuned infor a live Wonderful episode, if that's
the case, because we are talking abouthow to advocate for ourselves today and
we have an amazing guest on the podcast.
One of my besties, her name is Lizzie.
We've been friends for several years.
We play soccer together and shehas just been a shining example of
(00:51):
what advocating for yourself lookslike while also considering the
other person's perspective, right?
That's something that I.
really struggle with because I'm feisty.
I'm sassy.
I don't like when people disrespectme and when they cross my
boundaries and hurt my feelings.
And in the past, I am ready to go towar with someone when they do that.
(01:14):
And Lizzie has really helped me torealize that everybody is experiencing
reality through a different lens.
And that there's two sides to the storyand also what really happened in between.
So tune into this episodeto hear Lizzie's wisdom.
This episode was so much fun to recordand we giggled the entire way through.
(01:35):
And I hope that you guys love it as welland can learn some things from Lizzie.
So let's get into it, y'all.
All right.
Wrestling fam.
Welcome back to thewrestling with life podcast.
I'm going to go vomit and thencry because one of my besties
in the world is here on the pod.
We'll today.
Lizzie.
Hello.
What's up, Lizzie?
(01:55):
How are you?
I'm good.
How are you?
I'm good.
How you feeling, babe?
A little nervous, but excited.
Hey, I'm a little nervous, too.
I still get nervous everytime I record an episode.
the reason we got Lizzie on the pod today.
It's because we're going to talk aboutadvocating for ourselves, standing
up for ourselves, setting boundaries,saying no, telling people when
they're being assholes, and honestlyjust standing up for what's right.
(02:19):
And first person that came tomind for this topic was you.
Oh, thank you.
Because, dude, you just, youglow with that bad bitch energy.
With that don't fuck with me energy.
And not even in a way that's offputting, but like, you just carry
yourself in such a, I know who I am.
I know what I stand for.
Don't mess with me.
And it's just so respectable.
(02:41):
Like, literally, since the moment thatI met you, which was on the soccer
field, you were pushing bitches around.
You were standing your ground.
You're being assertiveand strong from day one.
Yeah, I hope you know how I see you.
You don't make me cry.
That's why you're here, babe.
I love you.
I love you.
And you've also been Such a hugesupporter of the pod since day one, you
(03:02):
also designed the cover art for the pod.
You actually named the podcast actually.
Yes.
When I was sleep deprived afterone of our 11 o'clock games.
What did you say to me again?
We were brainstorming names.
A bunch of them were B.
S.
I just remember being tired.
Like I should go to bed, butI have this like so cool idea.
Like I should make a podcast andwe just started brainstorming ideas
(03:25):
and I just got brought back to theiconic picture of you wrestling.
Yeah.
I was like, what if you didn'tlike wrestling with life?
And you're like, I was completely joking.
I was fucking joking.
And you're like, wait.
And I was like, Oh shit.
Oh, I actually eat good.
And like the podcast cover is.
That picture.
Yeah.
It's perfect.
You literally named everything andit was a joke, but here we are.
(03:48):
Here we are.
How long ago is that now?
Like, it was I mean, we started kind ofbrainstorming in what, June, July of 2023.
Yeah.
So it's yeah, fat minute.
Yeah.
And I'm so happy to have you on.
I decided to be here.
Yes.
I know you have so much wisdom to share.
So let's first kick itoff with how we met.
(04:08):
So I kind of already spoiledit, but we met playing soccer.
You take it from there.
We were both kicking ass, taking names.
Um, We were both a littleintimidated by each other.
We were like, oh shit, she's really good.
Yes.
And then we had a couple hangoutsand then we were like, oh wait,
but she's really fucking cool.
Yeah.
And then from there, the rest is history.
You were always like alittle bit scary to me.
(04:28):
Not because of any otherreason, except like what I said
before, how you carry yourself.
Like, you command respect,you know what I mean?
Yeah, so we play co ed indoorsoccer with all of our friends.
And, yes, still to this day But when wemet, like, I had no idea who you were,
and I think it was, like, a few months.
We were trying to figure out earlier,like, when We were like, what exactly
(04:49):
kickstarted this kind of thing?
Yeah, I don't remember.
I don't remember either.
Yeah.
But what I do know is I respect thefuck out of you, and here you are.
Yes, same here.
So, okay, so Start with a quote for me.
Okay.
I asked you to bring a quote.
I know you have a quote and I know youhave a little backstory of that quote too.
so my quote is from my father.
It is there's no progressin being comfortable.
(05:09):
So he kind of gave me this littlenote as I was going away to college.
Super sweet.
And it basically summed that up hehas always had to like work really
hard for what he, like, he doesn'thave a college degree or yeah,
he doesn't have a college degree.
He went into the army.
Yeah.
And so he worked his wayup to where he is now.
And so he kind of like instilledthat in me and I kind of ran with it.
(05:30):
And what do you think led himto giving you that advice?
He's always been the one to like pushme and I think like he's always seen it.
Yeah I was super shy when I was littlelike super super shy Never wanted to
cause any problems or anything like thatbut he's always pushed me to do better
because I was Growing up, you know, you'relike, oh, I don't need to study that hard.
(05:52):
I'm gonna get an A anyways.
My dad's like no You can get ahundred percent kind of thing.
Yeah, not in a bad wayHe saw your potential.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah And so he kind of just left mewith that little seed and then it grew.
Yeah.
And here we are.
It's still shocking to methat you were shy growing up.
So shy.
Like, I like talk to people, like whenwe go out, like rigs and all of them,
(06:14):
they're like, Hmm, you're a lot different.
I'm like, Yeah, I am.
Who is this girl?
Yeah.
Like only like people that I was closeto list, like saw this side of me.
Like there were two sides of Lizzie.
Yeah.
Shy Lizzie.
And then.
Lizzie.
Yeah.
So your dad giving you thatquote and you said it was when
in college your freshman year?
Yeah, literally as he was dropping me off.
(06:34):
Yeah, like he was procrastinatingthe whole day He was like,
can we go to target again?
I think you need this this and this wewant to target like five times And so he
literally left a note On my like it waseither on top or underneath my pillow.
Yeah So I of course bawled my eyesout because my parents just left
like just moved me in Yeah, and heleft me with that little note Do
you feel like that was kind of thechange like when you started shifting
(06:56):
from shy lizzie to bad bitch lizzie?
Yeah, I also went to college away fromhome Okay, like originally I wanted
to go all the way out to coloradoYeah, but I did like a soccer camp
out there and i'm like I miss myfamily I can't come home once a year.
I get a Christmas break.
I get um You So, going away to college,I was like, okay, I'm like, a comfortable
distance, but I still have to Push myselfto be uncomfortable right to make friends
(07:22):
like literally restart like no one knewwho I was I was the only person from my
high school that went there Mm hmm, and mybrother was the second person from my high
school that went there two years later.
So like right no one knows So it'stime to reinvent Lizzie a little
bit and decide who you wanted to be.
What was the quote again?
There's no progress in being comfortable.
(07:42):
I love that so much.
One of the first episodes that I publishedon this podcast was Stop Playing Small,
and it was a quote by Nelson Mandela.
And I'm going to blank on it now, butI remember it, I wish I could quote
it, but it was something along thelines of like, when we stay in our own
little box, like we miss out on so much.
(08:03):
Yeah.
So, so, so much.
And like conversations, experiences,feelings, like it's not just you
miss out on, you know, you reallyput yourself On the bench, like
you take yourself out of the gameand you put yourself on the bench.
So I love that he gave you that advice.
And again, like, I tookit and ran with it.
Yeah.
Like, I feel like I use it likelooking back because like, I
(08:23):
prepped for this a little bit.
And so I did like, I don't think I evenI realized how much I put that out there.
I'm like followed and likeeverything basically that I do.
You're like analyzing yourlife back and like, holy shit,
like, dad, you changed my life.
No, I love that.
Okay.
So now let's fast forward through college.
We'll come back to that in a littlebit, but now let's talk about you.
(08:47):
So you're a teacher now, you're afiance, newly engaged, shout out Ben.
And what else?
What are your other hobbies?
Play soccer.
I really like to do artsy things, sowhatever that may be, paint, draw.
I doodle on my iPad from time to time.
(09:08):
I got a painting from youon my wall right over there.
Yeah?
Yes, ma'am.
I don't know, I just like to hang outwith friends, family, I'm a big, like,
I love being around the people I love.
Yeah.
Kind of thing, so.
So, being a teacher, obviously,that's going to naturally cause you
to need to advocate for yourself,to push yourself out of your
comfort zone, like your dad said.
(09:28):
Mm hmm.
Talk to me about how being ina teaching role now has kind
of brought that out of you.
So I feel like I not onlyhave to do it for myself.
I have to do it for my current kidsand I have to do it for my future kids.
I might cry.
Go for it, but let it out.
I just like remembering COVID cause likeI, I wanted to be a veterinarian for
(09:50):
the longest time and then I switchedover to teaching and then I realized
like how much of an impact I could make.
On kids like hopefully in a good way.
Yeah.
I know I sometimes like complain aboutthem, but I'll see I see them all as
like little brothers and sisters kindof and I'm helping them find like their
way kind of in their middle school.
They have no idea who they are.
Right?
(10:10):
I had no idea who I was in middle school.
But I loved it.
I loved my teachers.
And so I'm like, I wantto be that for kids.
How do you practice being that for them?
Like, what does that look like in action?
I preach a lot of communication.
So, like, growing up, I feel likea lot of teachers were like, you're
going to do it because I saidyou need to do it kind of thing.
(10:31):
But I know today's kids, they'reso different than we were so
different that does not fly at all.
So you kind of feel like levelwith him and be like, the
reason we're doing this is this.
And so I think justcommunication is a big world.
And that do you kind of act aswhat your dad was for you where
you're like, I see your potential.
I see you slacking in this way, orI see that you could be better here.
(10:54):
Like, how do you go aboutthose kind of conversations?
I definitely call him out on it.
Yeah.
But in a way that I knowthey're comfortable.
With it.
But I do typically like sit them downand be like, Hey, you're doing this.
I know, you know, we know that's not okay.
And they always ends up like,yes, Miss Cochran kind of thing.
(11:15):
Yeah.
I think a lot of peoplereally struggle to.
Do that.
And actually in Duvon's episode, we talkeda lot about being the type of friends
that call each other out and that kindof speak up when you see that the other
person, like, isn't being their bestself was a little bit harder is when.
(11:36):
The thing that you want tospeak up about is personal.
And it's something, it's like an issuethat you personally have with them.
So like advocating, you know, forsomeone else or like calling someone
else out, it's a little bit differentthan like, Hey, I'm actually bringing
up like, so you pissed me off.
Yeah.
You, you pissed me off.
You hurt me.
You know, you disappointed me.
You broke my boundary,like whatever it is.
(11:58):
So that's kind of a different take.
What are your thoughts on that?
Because in my eyes, you've kindof been someone who like, You
don't really hesitate to do that.
I wouldn't call you confrontationalbecause I actually think you're
pretty non confrontational in general,but I feel like if something needs
to be addressed, you address it.
So I want to know yourperspective on that.
Yeah.
So I definitely feel like I take my timeand I've learned over the ages, like.
(12:24):
I've also lost some friends dueto, like, not communicating.
Oh, really?
Mm hmm.
And so, I think, like, again, goingback to that quote, you can't make
any progress with being comfortable.
Mm hmm.
Kind of thing.
I'm like, okay, my friendshipis either gonna stay stagnant
or go downhill from here.
Yeah.
Like, I would much rather talk about it,keep you as one of the people that I love.
(12:45):
And move past it right kind of thing.
So you have like two optionsreally like if someone's pissing
you off or hurting you or didsomething and you hold on to that.
You've seen that play out in yourlife to explode the friendship.
Yeah.
Either does that or likeI internally explode.
No, 100%.
(13:06):
It's interesting tohear you say that like.
You were shy growing up and likelearned later to advocate for yourself.
I was telling you earlier.
I kind of grew up being veryoutspoken, very sassy, very like
you're going to know what's on my mind.
I would have been scared of you.
I would have been scared of you.
A lot of people have beenscared of you over the years.
(13:27):
But then I kind of went through likea period of my life where I feel
like I lost that spark a little bit.
And I realized in hindsight and aftera lot of freaking therapy that the
reason that I started doing that andI started withdrawing is because I
didn't want the conflict and becauseit was a way that I protected myself.
So it was like, even if someone'supsetting me, hurting me, all the things
(13:49):
we were talking about, I'm just going tolike, not say anything or like, Almost
be like overly nice to them to like, tryto compensate for that and then like, I
would get disastrous results from that.
Obviously, like, have youever experienced that before?
Yeah, again, like, definitely hadlike, the same experience where like,
you just try to like, rush over it.
(14:11):
Yeah, just be like, thesuper nice about it.
But like, deep down inside, you'restill like, Maybe pissed off about it.
And so it's just kind of like, I justfeel like rumbling like in my body.
I'm like, I mean, they're gonna explodeor like something bad's gonna happen.
Again, just like going back to like thecommunication part for me, I think that's
like a big thing that I've always done.
(14:32):
Like I went to therapy and like, Ithink, cause I went to therapy when I
was little and it was very traumatic.
I did not like it.
Going to therapy wastraumatic when I was little.
Why?
How little were you?
This goes back to the divorce.
So like I would tell stuff to mytherapist and then the therapist
would bring it up In court.
No.
Yeah.
So, you know, you told me this before.
That's fucked up.
And so I did not like it.
(14:53):
And so I was like, I'm not goingback to therapy kind of thing.
And then I did.
I'm like, this is completely different.
now.
Yeah.
And I think she also, my therapist,brought up, like, a lot in me, too,
and made me realize a couple of things,like, it's not just my friends who
were, like, I was being pissed off withor, like, they were doing bad things.
I also had fault to play in it, too.
(15:15):
Of course.
Yeah.
So, I think, like, another thing,like, when I'm pissed off at
people, like, I know, like, they'renot the only one in the wrong.
There's a like my family has alwayssaid both sides of my family because
we're divorced there's Like side aside B and then what really happened
right in the middle kind of thingSo just like not being afraid to
like admit that you were wrong.
(15:36):
Yeah That's huge because I think likewhen we're angry, it's so easy to just
project all the blame on to someoneelse How many times have I called you?
In like a fit of, a fit of rage andyou're like, I'm like, why don't we
try to see like the other, and I reallyappreciate that you do that because that's
something I'm still working on doing islike, I get so, okay, let me back up.
(16:00):
So I went to therapy.
I started on doing a lot of the peoplepleasing stuff, and then I feel like I
almost went on the opposite spectrum ofit again, where like, I was on one extreme
of like, really people pleasing and reallylike, allowing people to walk all over
me, and then I like, as I started learningboundaries again and speaking up for
myself and stuff, then I almost startedlike, almost seeing myself as like, If
(16:25):
you hurt me, if you violate my boundaries,like you're immediately in the wrong
I'm not going to let anybody hurt me.
Like, it's your fault.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
So, like, I love what you just said abouttaking accountability because it's such
a crucial, uh, Step in a crucial part ofyeah of conflict and of advocating for
yourself It's like if you come in a blazeand you start like screaming at someone
(16:47):
for what they did wrong to you Likethere's holes in your argument already
Mm hmm, and I'm not saying that I'm likethe saint at doing this like there's
still times where Ben gotta love him.
He uh, Kind of like takes me out of itsometimes because I do go through like,
there's still some stuff that like, I keeprumbling inside of me sometimes that I'm
not like, ready to, you know what I mean?
(17:08):
Because like, sometimes I like tothink about it before I bring it up.
But he kind of like snaps me out of it.
Yeah.
And so like, sometimes how I like snap youout of it, like, we're good kind of thing.
He's he's my person.
That's like a.
Cut it out.
Yeah.
Anger is such a powerful emotion too.
And I feel like that's kind of what causesme to finally like say something if it's
(17:30):
bothering me is because I get angry.
Yeah.
And then a lot of times by the time I'mangry, it comes out as like, yeah, yeah.
Same here.
Same here.
And then there's a lot of apologizingafter because then I feel bad.
It's always like a cycleof like, yeah, yeah.
Okay, I'm a little pissed off.
I'm pissed.
I'm angry.
And then, I'm so sorry.
(17:51):
Yes, it's always like, I'm sorryfor what I said when I was hangry.
When I let it Hangry, keyword.
Hangry.
When it bottled up and exploded.
Yeah, I do the same thing.
And I think, we talkedabout this earlier too.
It's so important how you communicate.
There's a really right way todo things and a really wrong
thing to do it to do things.
(18:11):
So what's your take on someone'shurt you, pissed you off,
crossed your boundary, whatever.
What's the approach that you take in aperfect world or with the best outcome?
Like how do you recommend goingabout having that conversation?
One thing that I always, like, runthrough my head before I, like, bring
up something to someone is, like, howwould I feel if they did it to me?
(18:32):
Mm.
And so, like, that's how I feellike I go about a lot of things.
I always have these, like, deep thingsthat, like, force me to do stuff.
Yeah, that's good.
Um, But.
That kind of sometimes allows meto take the anger side out of it.
And then we talked about this earlier,the like, I feel this way because yeah.
And like, recognizingthat it's like an emotion.
(18:54):
And like, I typically ended up withlike, I know you didn't mean to do this.
Yeah.
Or like something like that.
Because that person maynot recognize it either.
Right.
So I feel like just takingit like they're human too.
They make mistakes.
We make mistakes.
I feel so convicted.
Um, So I just think aboutboth sides to the story.
(19:14):
You know what I mean?
Like I'm seeing it from one way.
They're seeing it from another.
That's such good advice, dude.
I, you know, the details of this, butfor the sake of like being appropriate
recently, Something happened in my lifewhere basically someone from my past
came back around for a hot second justto like really disrespect me really
(19:35):
hurt me and then dipped out again.
And for like the last month, I havebeen seething with anger about it
and this person isn't in my life.
So there wasn't a point tohave the conversation and
I keep thinking about how.
If we were able to have, like,talked out what happened, and I could
(19:55):
have got their side to the story,how much quicker I would have let
go of that anger, and instead it,like, bubbled inside me for a month.
I think there's so much power in whatyou just said about, like, really taking
the time to understand that, like, Alot of times you can assume the best in
people, especially people that love you.
Like they're not trying to hurt you.
(20:16):
Like they don't set outwith a vendetta to hurt you.
They were probably, like you said, justa human who made a mistake or they didn't
even realize they made a mistake and theywere just like acting normally and never
even considered you kind of a thing.
Yeah.
So I think that's really powerful.
And I think that happens a lot.
And like, people don'trecognize it either.
Yeah.
So again, I think I always harp on,like, communication and talking about it.
(20:40):
Like, if something pisses you offand the person doesn't know about it,
it's going to continue to piss youoff and they're not going to know.
So like, talk about it.
Yeah.
So, for people who reallyaren't good at conflict.
What's your advice on like how toeven bring that up with someone
because a lot of people just they'relike, they're like you were as a kid.
(21:02):
They have learned that conflict equals I'mgoing to lose this person from my life.
or they're going to explode at me ora bunch of bad things are going to
happen that I don't want to happen.
So I'm just going to avoid it.
I feel like that's why a lotof people avoid conflict.
So how do you recommendlike bringing that up?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I am sometimes a type a person.
So, like, I like to think ofboth, like, the positive and
(21:23):
the negative of a situation.
And so I say, like, plan for it kind of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, I'm very much a planner.
So, like, list down the stuffthat you want to talk about.
Because if you're like me, sometimeswhen I get to talking, everything
just disappears from my mind.
So plan for it.
And then also, like, let themknow that it's like a feeling.
Yeah.
That you have because sometimes ifyou just say like, I'm angry, they're
(21:46):
like, okay, why are you pissed off?
But like if you like explainwhere you're coming from Explain
how it's like impacting you,like kind of just like giving an
explanation of what like all of it.
Yeah, it really helps and I thinkit allows them to like calm down.
Not just you coming.
I'm pissed at you.
You did this, you did that, you did this.
Yeah, I kind of just feel, I feel thisway again going back to the I feel.
(22:08):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel this way because of this,not because of you kind of thing.
The planning for it is so good.
I will, I'm like famous for typingout exactly like what I would say
to that person in my notes app.
Yeah.
I'm like, I don't want to miss any points.
They need to hear everythought in my brain.
(22:29):
I'm like, I only want one conversation.
I don't want another one.
So write everything out.
Right.
Like let's get it out in one setting.
No, that's really good.
I think too.
Especially in this modern day digital age,I have lost so much time having texting
fights, or like voice memo fights, or likeAnd it goes down to a miscommunication.
(22:51):
A hundred percent.
There's so much opportunityfor you to misinterpret what
the other person's saying.
So if you can have an in personconversation where you can plan
it out and like, you don't haveto put a lot of stress around it.
Like you said, like, Hey, I've beenfeeling like really sad or upset and
you don't have to say it's about them.
Like, can I talk to you about it?
That way they're not in anxiety forlike a whole day before you guys talk.
(23:13):
Well, the worst is when youget that, like, can we talk?
And you have to wait hours.
usually like at work or you have somethingreally big going on the whole day.
The drama.
here's a great question.
Do you have an example of a, like arecent situation or really anytime,
like a good solid story of whenyou advocated for yourself and it.
(23:33):
Really turned out well.
For myself, I tend to advocatea lot for others that I love.
Yeah.
I hold the people that I lovereally close to my heart.
And so like, I'm not like,I'm ready to like dive off a
cliff for you kind of thing.
Like we're going to battle together.
It would have to be likein a school setting.
Yeah, because I am a new teacher.
(23:54):
This is my 3rd year.
So there's a lot.
I don't know.
There's a lot.
I'm expected to know.
Yeah.
Kind of thing.
And especially when it impacts meand then it can impact others is kind
of like where I draw the line to.
Yeah.
So it's definitely like, I don'twant to like say specifics.
No, I understand.
On your kind of thing.
I totally understand.
But advocating for myself, butagain, like going through the ways,
(24:14):
like I had it planned out, likewritten, like here's the four things.
Yeah.
I wanted to talk about thisis how it's making me feel.
Mm hmm.
This is how it's impactingme and other people.
Yeah.
Possibly.
something that I've had to do a lotlately is set boundaries and that's
something that like it sounds so Rigidand like I don't know when you hear
(24:37):
it's like a big it's like a wall.
Like yeah.
Yes.
Yeah Yeah, and it sounds very likeI'm not gonna let anyone get close
to me but honestly like boundariescan sometimes literally just be like
I'm not going to answer this personright away who needs something from
me because I'm not feeling great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right now.
And I have like my ownshit I need to deal with.
(24:57):
I've had to set boundaries withsome people in my life who with the
boundaries I already have set, theycontinually like didn't respect them.
And so like, I've had to be like, Ilove you a lot, but you show me every
time that you don't respect the boundarythat I said that you don't respect me.
And so I need to like, take some space,especially if it's like a reoccurring.
(25:21):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And people don't like that.
And it's hard.
Like, it sucks, but.
I think what it comes down to is likewhen you really do like respect your
space and your time and the friendshipsthat you do allow in your life,
because the older we get, man, it'slike, Oh, yeah, we talked about this.
You only have so much time in your day.
(25:41):
And so, like, really pickingand choosing who gets that time.
Why would I allow someone into my spacethat makes it clear they don't respect me?
Mm hmm.
I'm seeing a lot of that withwedding planning right now.
Really?
Like invites.
Oh my gosh.
Tell me about it.
It's just like, I went through thismentality of like, if I wouldn't have
dinner on a random Tuesday night withyou, why would you come to my wedding?
(26:02):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kind of thing.
That's amazing.
Same thing with like life too.
Like, it's not necessarily that like I'mgetting something out of the friendship,
but like, If I'm constantly getting hurt,we've talked about it multiple times.
Like, I'm sorry.
Yeah, there's literallynothing more I can do.
Right.
And recognizing that is like thebiggest sigh of relief because I used
(26:25):
to have a lot of guilt around that.
And like, I do have a lot oflove for you, but like, Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I, and I don't want you to notbe in my life, but like you're giving
me no other choice, you know, likeyou're forcing my hand and you get
like a lot of anxiety about it too.
Yeah.
It's just, it's a lot.
Yeah.
It's like holding likeheavy on your heart.
Yeah.
(26:46):
How do you feel like when youfinally do stand up for yourself
or you do have a hard conversation?
Is it mostly relief during it?
It's a lot of anxiety.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And being like, scared because you, youdon't know how they're going to react.
You know what I mean?
You could be bringing up tough thingsand could have reactions that you
don't necessarily know are there.
(27:06):
Right.
But afterwards you're like,damn, I did that kind of thing.
It's like pride.
Yeah.
And if it goes well, I've noticedthat like, Friendships have grown.
From them.
Yeah.
And so like, that's why I like, Icontinue, like, sometimes I'll just
like stop and be like, we need to talk.
Yeah.
A hundred percent.
If they're your real friend, theconflict's going to bring you closer.
(27:29):
It's going to be a good thing.
Not positive in the end.
Yep.
Might be some anxiety and, and fearand uncomfortable combos to get there.
But in the end you walk away withsomeone who actually knows what's on
your heart and in your head and you'renot like preoccupied by it so much.
I don't know about you, but like.
When I have something on my mind that'sreally bothering me, it consumes me.
(27:51):
It's always there.
Yes.
It weighs heavy in your head.
Yeah.
Just always there.
Yeah.
It's like, until I have that conversation,until I feel like I said my piece, like
it's all I think about in my brain.
Same here.
Yeah.
Same here.
And that's why I like, I'm morewilling to like, be like, Hey,
we need to talk quicker than justkeeping it eating up inside of me.
(28:11):
Because I've noticed that like, that'swhen friendships really go downhill.
Cause it's just, it'smore and more and more.
Yeah.
Then finally you explode.
Yes.
And then that's what, like, whenI explode, I can't control it.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
So, like, those angers, those, Ifeel this way because out the window.
Yeah.
And, like, not to mention the resentmentthat builds if you keep it inside.
(28:35):
Like I've had full conversationsin my head with people that
I've never in the shower, in theshower, like that I've never had.
And all that does is just buildso much resentment within me.
And.
You know you it's easy to think abouthow it hurts the friendship, but it also
hurts you just you because like You'reso consumed by something That never
(28:59):
actually gets resolved and then it'sblown completely out of proportion because
you never get the other person's sideYou never take your own accountability
and responsibility in the situation andit's just a clusterfuck Yeah, for sure
and like talking about this like withyou No, when you're going through it,
you're like, Oh, I'm the only personI'm overthinking this so much But like
the more that like I talk to you or likeother people are like is everyone think
(29:23):
like this I'm definitely when it comesto my relationships Like you were talking
earlier about how like you would literallydie for your people That's how I feel too.
Like if we have a bond and you have myback and you've supported me There's
probably nothing that I wouldn't dofor you like you're a homie for life,
(29:43):
and I'm gonna cherish that friendship.
And so that's why it bothersme so much when we're not cool.
Because like, if I'm having a falloutwith someone and it's consuming me like
that, because they mean a lot to me.
So it's like, I think, yeah, ifyou really care about people,
that is how your mind works.
And you're just going to be stewingand thinking about all the possible
(30:06):
outcomes until it's resolved.
Yeah.
And no matter which way it goes, causeI've had talks that have ended friendships
and ones that have made it grow.
If the friendship doesn't grow,I've seen growth in myself.
I have had like roommatesituations that have shit the bed.
Needless to say.
Relatable.
Yeah.
And afterwards I'm like, okay, thatdidn't go as I thought it would.
(30:30):
Right.
As I hoped it would.
Damn, I stood up for myself.
Yeah, I did it.
I feel good.
I could do it again.
Right.
And you back the way thatyou handled the situation.
So it's like, I've doneeverything I can do.
So if that's what itis, that's what it is.
That's how it's gonna be.
That's how it's gonna be.
(30:51):
No.
And accepting that, Has also been reallydifficult because like, I really want
to control situations a lot and controloutcomes and that just leads to even
more anxiety and even more frustration.
So letting go, like learning to let go.
Like, I'm still not perfect at I'mstill working on it, but that's a
major growth point that I've seen inmyself, especially in the last couple
(31:13):
of years is like, You really just gotto like let people do their thing and
you can't control how other peopleact and like if you Respect how you've
handled the situation and then theiractions are the reason that it blows up.
So be it.
Yeah, you be you You be you youdo you you do it to yourself?
(31:33):
Sorry, I do that with mykids You do that in class.
They do that to me.
Do they really or I do it to them back?
But yeah, is that from a tiktokit is it's like basically like
You You did it to yourself.
Uh, okay.
So like I did it like I did my ownpart, but yeah, you did it to you.
I feel like I'm really interestedto know for you because it
seems like you've gotten reallygood at protecting your space.
(31:56):
What's the line that you drawwith people in your life?
So like you said earlier, if yourepeatedly hurt me, if there's like a
repeated cycle where you continuallybreak my boundaries or hurt me and like,
I'm seeing that this just over and over.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That this isn't working.
That's obvious one.
What else?
What other things have you had toeither cut people out of your life
(32:17):
on or take a step back from thembecause of shit that they're doing?
Like another example of that.
I definitely had like friendships.
But like transitioning fromhigh school, like little Lizzie,
little shy Lizzie into this Lizziedidn't go so well kind of thing.
In what way?
People didn't like the adjustment.
(32:37):
I was very much like apushover kind of thing.
They couldn't boss you around anymore.
Yeah.
And so when I started like beinglike, no, that's a little fucked up.
Yeah.
They didn't like it.
Yeah.
Too bad, bitch.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Not sorry.
So then were they just outof your life at that point?
You were like, okay, bye.
I don't know.
It was, it was,
(32:58):
yeah.
Gotcha.
It was a tough friendship.
I wanted it to be there, but it was just alot of cycles that I was just like, okay,
I'm getting more hurt every single time.
It's time to let therapy space.
Yeah.
And then once I gave space andtook that energy, that was On
trying to fix that relationship.
(33:18):
Yeah, not necessarily fix it butlike improve it improve it talk about
it And put it somewhere else in mylife improved it's time to let go.
Yeah.
Yeah That immediate sigh of relief alwaysis a great indicator that you made the
right choice And it sucks because likeit could be a part again Like I will go
to battle for the people that I love.
(33:39):
Yeah, i'm like i'll talk aboutit with you a lot, right?
And it sucks to lose that person, butthen once you start to like, see the
other side of it, you're just like,again, where that energy is going,
it just makes your life a lot better.
A hundred percent.
One other thing I just thought of thatwe haven't talked about is like, we're
talking about mostly conflict, but Ithink advocating for yourself can also
(34:02):
look like asking for help sometimes.
So like, yeah, sometimes you have toadvocate for yourself and stand up
to other people, but sometimes you'rein a shitty situation and advocating
for yourself looks like being like,Hey, I can't handle this on my own.
Like, can you help me?
I'm such an independent girly.
I hate asking for help.
I hate the concept of like handouts.
Like I hate feeling like if I didn'twork for something or I didn't earn
(34:24):
something that's going to be given to me.
So, an example of this that Irecently did was, shout out to the
Kia boys, the Kia boys stole mycar twice in the last two years.
And it caused me so much stress,so much anxiety, freaking PTSD,
(34:46):
like, for the longest time.
I couldn't even like look outsidewithout like bracing myself to
prepare myself for my car to be gone.
I was just convinced PTSD for sure.
Literally.
Yeah.
And it got to the point wherelike when it got stolen the
second time, I then got it back.
And you know, I was seeing thenumbers at the shop to get it fixed.
And you know, this is a bunchof money out of my pocket,
(35:08):
so much time invested rental.
Like it's, it's such a mess,a clusterfuck, a clusterfuck.
And so I got to the point whereI was like, I cannot stay in this
goddamn car, but I owed more on thecar than what the car was worth.
So I was in a money pit situation whereI was like, I'm so fucked so I was
(35:28):
nervous as hell But I was also so upsetthat I pulled up to the dealership and
I went after work I wore my my bossgirl outfit as Emma does as Emma does
I walked into the dealership and Iwas like I'd like to file a complaint
I did not go in there screaming.
I did not go in there blaming.
I went in there and simply said,hi, my car has been stolen twice.
(35:52):
Kia has done nothing to fix thissituation except install an any theft
software in my car that did not work.
And I said, I am in areally shitty situation.
Please.
What is there that you can do to helpme out to make the situation right?
Long story short, I walked outof there with a jeep, a jeep
Cherokee, a beautiful new car.
(36:13):
I got a really great deal on it.
The people there really helped me out,got me out of my shitty situation.
And if I hadn't asked for help, Ihadn't gone in and advocated for myself,
I would not be in that situation.
I think it's also likeshowing that you're human.
Like, you brought emotion tothat, too and not, like, people
always say, like, pulling a Karen.
Like, you're not going inthere guns a blazin being like,
(36:35):
you owe me, kind of thing.
I think that helped a lot, too.
Right, because if you pull up and you actentitled, who's gonna want to help you?
Like, if I went out in there like,F bombing them and blaming them.
Those poor dealership people,that's not their fault.
Like they're just doing,they're not the Kia boys.
They're not the Kia boys.
That's not the real problem.
And they're not like Kia corporate either.
(36:56):
So I knew that that wouldn'tbe the right approach, nor like
would it have felt right to treatanother human being that way.
Like I don't understandthe Karen approach at all.
Well, if you go in with like your guardup, like, you know, ready to fight.
It's going to immediately they'regoing to do the same thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I saw in action, like the power ofspeaking up for yourself, but also doing
(37:19):
it away in a way, like we said earlier,where it's like, you're not being a dick.
You're not blaming.
You're saying, I feel like I told them.
I was like, I don't feel safe.
I have PTSD.
I've, you know, I'm reallyworried financially, like what
this is going to do to me.
Like I made it about myselfrather than them and, and it led
to a really positive outcome.
So I feel like that's a good takeaway.
(37:40):
Thanks babe.
Big girl, big girl energy.
Big girl energy.
I've had to do that in likea school setting before.
Really?
Like, I feel like a lot of my liferevolves around school being a teacher.
advocating for myself because like,I was like, I had so many preps,
like it was, it was a lot to dealwith and I just had to like, Be like,
(38:01):
Hey, this is a little fucked up.
I feel this way and like, they didn't knowthey didn't know how you were feeling.
Yeah.
I think that's like another thing,like the dealership, like, yeah,
they sell however many kiosk, butlike, they don't know your situation.
Right.
Like my principal, whoever did whatever.
Didn't know how I was feeling, but thenbecause I was willing to show emotion and
(38:22):
let my guard down and let them know howI was feeling, they were able to help.
Yeah.
Mm-Hmm.
. So they appealed to your emotion as well?
Mm-Hmm?
. Yeah.
Mm-Hmm.
. And it, did they fix the situation?
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Flying colors were good.
And what would've happenedif you never said anything?
I would've been miserable.
Yeah.
Mm-Hmm.
, I feel like a lot of us like.
We were talking about thisearlier, but it's with your job.
(38:43):
It's with literally anything where, like,you're feeling that angry emotion or,
you know, feeling stuck or just pissedoff and you don't do anything about it.
Like, you take yourselfout of the equation.
Like, you're not in the driver'sseat of your own life anymore.
And I know that can sound like harsh.
And I know there's a reason,like, why we all do that.
(39:03):
It's a lot of times atrauma response, right?
But it's also recognizing,like, if nobody needs it.
Does this like, it's not going toget it's not going to get done.
Yeah.
Like it's either me or noone going back to that quote.
It's like, you make noprogress being comfortable.
Like, I was uncomfortabletalking to my superiors about it.
But in the end, like, being thatuncomfortable showing my soft side.
(39:27):
Ended up having a great result.
Yeah, you mean?
Yes, ma'am.
I know exactly what you mean andthat quote way to tie that back.
I know.
Thank you.
Dad, Cochran.
Daddy.
Oh, if only I could sayhis high school nickname.
Oh, no.
How many real quick, how many likeversions of Cochran like Silly nicknames
(39:49):
have you got so many can we hear somany so I I really wanted to put on my
letterman jacket and from high schoolLiz like on the inside like no one
wouldn't have known that it was thereLizzie no cock cockerham no cock but
that's because on my dad's on his on theoutside yeah of his letterman jacket said
Philip big cock cockerham Oh my gosh.
(40:13):
Good for him.
Yeah.
At least it wasn't little.
That would be way worse.
Oh no, that was his little brother.
That's amazing.
Gotta love having that last name.
Did you get Mrs.
Cock at school?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
But kids, if you'relistening, no more of that.
Cut it out.
Respect your elders.
(40:33):
But I always do like the teacher stare.
I'm going to give you your phone.
The teacher said, What's funny.
Let me know.
See, this is why I sayyou're intimidating.
Are you kidding me?
I just act stupid.
I'm like, what's so funny about it?
And you're putting the fear of Godin those students when you do that.
I hope, you know, it's funny becauselike, they know that I'm joking.
Like we have that relationship,but like, bro, come on.
It's really not that funny,but they're also like nothing.
(40:55):
Yeah.
Nevermind.
I didn't say that.
Well, I feel like that kindof wraps up our conversation.
Is there anything you wanted to sayabout this topic that you didn't get to?
No, not much.
We covered a lot.
A lot more than I thought we would.
We really did.
Mm-Hmm.
. We've been going for a minute.
I know.
Well, thank you.
45 minutes.
45 minutes baby.
By the time y'all listen to this,I'm gonna cut that down a shit ton.
(41:18):
, thank you so much for coming on the pod.
This was so fun.
I feel like you're gonnahave to come back for more.
We're gonna need more.
Lizzie wisdom, I feel.
I feel honored to be here, . So I washappy, so ecstatic when you asked me.
Aw.
Well, I love you, babe.
And I'm so proud of you and theway that you live your life.
Like, I tell you this all the time,but I genuinely look up to you.
I look up to the waythat you carry yourself.
(41:38):
I'm always taking notes.
I'm like, well, can I do more of that?
Lizzie does.
Um, You inspire me and I feel likereally, really blessed to be your friend.
Well, same thing goes to you.
Everything that you said about me.
I can say right back to you.
I feel like we're good.
This is a good relationship.
I mean, this is a forever one.
Oh, bro.
Yeah.
I'm literally going to be in your wedding.
I got upgraded fromflower girl to bridesmaid.
(42:00):
Pretty cool.
Soon to be my bride.
Sorry, Ben.
Lizzie is my real life.
bye bye.
Bye.
Bye guys.
I don't know how to end it.
I don't know either.
Bye guys.
Adios.
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