April 23, 2024 • 28 mins
The people we hang out with, the places we go, and the choices we make all shape how in touch with our true selves we really are. A lot of times we sacrifice our authentic selves so we can fit in.
Tune in for a SUPER simple mindset shift you can make that will help you stop trying to fit in places where you don't belong and prioritize authenticity over acceptance.
P.S. We are back to episodes on Tuesdays!!! Stay tuned for my Patreon dropping soon which will give you the option of a paid subscription with bonus content <3
DISCLAIMER: The Wrestling With Life podcast and any content posted on my channels is presented solely for general informational and educational purposes. The use of this information is at the user's own risk and should not be substituted for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are struggling with your mental health, please consider seeking professional help or contacting the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Please don't try to get through things by yourself, you are not alone <3
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:12):
What's up, you guys.
Oh, welcome back to another episodeof the wrestling with life podcast.
I'm your host.
I'm led.
I'm in a silly goofy mood today.
We're going to have some goodfrickin vibes on the podcast.
And we got a really good topic.
Y'all.
We're talking about going where youcan be yourself and feel appreciated.
(00:33):
And this is just such an importantthing to embody in your life because
life is too short to go placeswhere you feel like you can't be
yourself and you feel unappreciated.
So today, y'all, we're going to talkabout why it is so hard to be our
fricking selves in this world and howyou can practically start shifting your
mindset and making choices That endwith you being in places where you do
(00:58):
feel like you can be your most authenticself and you do feel appreciated.
If you are brand new to thepodcast, thanks for tuning in.
Wrestling with life is all aboutgetting out of our heads together, baby.
And if you are an ambitious overthinker,you're going to want to press that follow
button and keep tuning in for episodesevery single Tuesday because life is
too short to stay in your head all thetime And to hold yourself back from
(01:21):
all you can be because of that, right?
So welcome to the wrestling squad Youguys this topic i'm super freaking
pumped to talk about because it'sreally been on my heart lately And
i've just really been thinking abouthow important it is and I have a lot
of juicy insights to share with you.
Okay, so i'm gonna need you to buckle thefrick up for this episode Before we get
into it, I have a couple announcements.
(01:42):
So if you are one of my Monday motivationlisteners, you like the Monday motivations
that I've been putting out, you mightbe like, I'm led where the Frick was
the Monday morning motivation this week.
I'm sorry, you guys, Ipromise this is the last time.
That I switch it up on you, but weare going back to Tuesday episodes.
I know I have been all over the placewith the consistency of the episodes.
(02:03):
I'm so sorry.
I'm still figuring out this podcast thing.
Okay.
And I also have a nine to fivejob and I got other shit to do.
So I'm trying to balance everything.
This is the last timeI'm changing it though.
Okay.
We will have episodes every single Tuesdayonly from here on out in the future.
I'm working on a Patreon.
which is basically a paidsubscription that you can
(02:23):
subscribe to for bonus content.
And I will have bonus episodes likeMonday Motivations available there.
I'll have behind the scenes content.
I'll have personalized videos andmessages and maybe even exclusive merch.
Once my merch gets up andrunning, it's getting close.
I'm still kind of playing around withwhat that will look like, but it is in
the works and you will be able to find.
(02:44):
Monday motivations thereeventually, but just not right now.
Okay.
So every Tuesday we will have episodes.
I promise I'm sticking to that.
I will not be changing it again.
And also you may have noticed that theintro to the pod changed a little bit.
The little intro music, I don'tknow about y'all, but that like.
Intro, listening to it overand over and over again when
(03:06):
I was editing, it's intense.
It's like very in your face and loud.
And there'd be times that Iwould just like, listen to it and
literally jump out of my skin.
And I don't want that to be the vibe.
When y'all listen to this podcast, Iwant you to feel relaxed and encouraged.
I don't want you to feel like,Oh my God, turn the volume down.
So we got a little softer vibe now.
Okay.
(03:26):
Bye.
Now that I'm done rambling, let's getinto the motherfrickin content, y'all.
So we're talking about going where youcan be yourself and feel appreciated.
And guys, this is a hard one becauseall of us just want to feel like we are
accepted, and that we fit in, and thatwe're loved, and that we're valued.
And when we grow up, Wego through shit, right?
(03:47):
Like, if you've ever been bullied, ifyou've ever been kind of in, like, a home
environment that feels really unsafe,basically, if you've ever had any kind of
trauma happen to you ever, you know thatit's not as easy to just be yourself.
Like, you're on alert.
You're protecting yourself.
A lot of us learn to wear masksvery strategically to protect our
(04:08):
authentic self from rejection and harm.
It's a very human thing.
It's a universal experience, okay?
Okay.
And when people are like, be yourself, beyourself, be yourself, I get so irritated
hearing that because it's not that easyand real shit has happened to all of us.
That makes it not feel that easy.
Okay, so let's acknowledge that.
And let's not shame ourselves forstruggling to be our authentic selves.
(04:32):
Okay, I am convinced that childhoodis like a really beautiful time where
you're blissfully unaware about allthe harm and all the crap in the
world and then real life shit hitsand then the rest of our adulthood.
Is basically spent trying to recreateour childhood, trying to reconnect with
our authentic selves, trying to findpeace, trying to just like, feel like us
(04:54):
again, and this might not be everyone'sexperience, but I feel like it's so many
people's experience, like so many peoplethat I have deep conversations with,
like, this is something that they haveexperienced at one point or another in
their lives, What we're talking abouttoday is really important, and we're only
going to probably scratch the surface ona much bigger conversation about living
authentically and finding yourself again.
(05:16):
But today I want to focus specificallyon purposefully surrounding yourself with
people and environments and situations.
That genuinely make you feel like youcan be your authentic self because it's
honestly to get the ball rolling tofind yourself again to get connected
with who you are at your core.
It really starts by being deliberateabout the choices that you make, the
(05:40):
places that you go and the peoplethat you surround yourself with.
Okay.
I'm really realizing, especially inthis season of my life that I'm in,
just how important this is up untillike the last year or so, you guys
know, like, I was not in the greatestplace with myself for a very long time.
Really, really struggled with myself esteem with my confidence.
(06:02):
And what I didn't realize at the timeis how much of that had to do with who
was around me, the places that I wasgoing, the habits that I was practicing.
those are all things that arewithin our control, right?
So we can't control the bad thingsthat happen to us, we can't control
the trauma that happens, but we cancontrol how we respond to that, right?
(06:24):
So I want everyone listening to recognizeif you are feeling lost from yourself and
you feel like you aren't yourself rightnow, the good news is Is that it's in
your power to get yourself back, baby.
You have the power.
You have the tools and you havethe control, whether you think you
do or not to find yourself again.
Okay, so let's get that straightbefore we say anything else.
(06:45):
right off the rip.
I want to share with you a reallycrucial mindset change that I need you
to make when you're approaching anysort of situation or person or anything.
Okay.
Okay.
This, what I'm about to tell you hasradically improved my self confidence,
the way that I approach other people,jobs, opportunities, like literally
(07:07):
everything in my life changed whenI started embracing this mentality.
Okay.
when you are on a date, or you're in ajob interview, or you're being pitched
an opportunity of any kind, whenyou're with a group of friends, the
question in your mind should not be,Oh my God, does this person like me?
Is this going well?
(07:28):
Am I making a good impression?
Am I qualified enough for this?
Do I fit in here?
how am I coming off?
No, no, no, no, no.
The question should not be that.
The question should be, do I likethis person that I'm on a date with?
Do they make me feel like Ican be my most authentic self?
Do I feel relaxed around them?
(07:49):
Do I feel good around them?
Do I feel confident?
Do I feel safe?
It should not be, doesthis person like me?
It should be, do I like this person?
And same thing when you'rein a job interview, babe.
You shouldn't be sitting there thinking,Oh my god, am I making a good impression?
Am I qualified enough for this position?
Is this going well?
(08:09):
Am I answering the questions correctly?
Am I being what they want me to be?
Absolutely freaking not.
The question should be, does thisrole fit in with my goals and
where I want to go and what Iwant to do and who I want to be?
Will this role fit into all therequirements of what I want for a job?
It should no longer be, doesthe recruiter, does the person
(08:32):
sitting across from me like me?
I'm telling you, when you start askingyourself these kind of questions, instead
of worrying so much about how the otherperson is perceiving you in the situation,
your self confidence skyrockets.
Because what's happening?
You're putting yourself first.
You're making sure that you're safe.
(08:53):
That you're comfortable that youfeel good rather than worrying about
the other person in the situation.
And a lot of times, you guys, wego into dates or jobs thinking
already that you're comfortable.
That we want the person or the jobon the other side of that table.
So we go in and we createthis like romanticized or
idealized version of that thing.
(09:15):
We decide it's amazing and wonderfuland that we want to be a part of it.
And so we go in trying to impress.
Trying to prove our worth because wefeel like that's how we're gonna get that
thing, but that's not how it works, baby.
First of all, my first point here isthat you have no idea whether or not
a person is good for you or has allthe things that you want or would be a
(09:38):
good fit in your life until you spendmultiple dates a lot of time with them.
You have a lot of hard conversations.
That's not a question thatyou can answer by looking at
someone's photo on a dating app.
You Okay, that's not a questionthat you can answer because your
friend set you up with someone andtold you how great they were and so
you came in with high expectations.
(09:59):
No, when you sit across from someoneon a date, you know nothing about them.
They're a stranger, youknow, absolutely nothing.
And any blanks that you filled in thathave decided that this person is great
already was created in your head.
Mind same thing with a job you go intoan interview and you're like, oh my god.
This is my dream job Yeah, maybeon paper maybe on paper the
(10:21):
job description sounded great.
But what about the people thatyou're gonna work with every day?
What about what you'll actually be doingbecause we all know some job descriptions
lie Oh, we all know that don't we weknow that sometimes we start a job and
we're like, whoa This is nothing likeI thought it was gonna be There are
so many different variables that comeinto play when it comes to choosing a
(10:43):
partner, choosing a group of friends,choosing a job, making any life decision.
There are so many variablesthat come into play.
So when you can have that mindsetshift, instead of, do I fit in
with this person, place, or thing?
Instead, it's, does that person,place, or thing fit in with me?
(11:05):
You put yourself back upon the pedestal, baby.
You remember that you're the frickinprize, that you have immense self
worth, that you have so much tobring to the table, and not everybody
should just get access to you.
Not everybody should geta piece of you, baby.
And that's in every element of your life.
You want to have higher self worth.
(11:26):
You want to have more confidence.
That is the mindset that you shouldbe having when you go into the world.
Anywhere.
It helps you to get out of your head.
It helps you to relax.
It helps you to accept your authenticself first, because rather than
adapting who you are to fit in with anenvironment, you're saying, does this
environment make room for all that I am?
(11:48):
Does this environment, Does this persongive me space to be all that I am, or
am I conforming myself to fit here?
So many of us guys, we, we go throughthese horrible experiences early
in our lives that make us thinkthat we have to be something other
than what we really are in orderto be accepted, in order to fit in.
(12:08):
The truth is that your mostauthentic self is not going
to fit in, in a lot of places.
It's true.
But neither will your fabricated self.
So basically you have two choices.
You can be hated for what you are, oryou can be hated for what you are not.
Like truly, no matter where you go inlife, there are going to be places,
(12:29):
people, and things that don't like you ordon't mesh with you or don't fit with you.
So are you trying to fit a fabricatedversion of yourself into a place?
That doesn't want you reallythink about that for a second.
Okay.
You have the choice of either being allthat you are and realizing that that's
not for everybody and everything, oryou can be a fake version of yourself.
(12:52):
That's also not for everyone or anything.
And so many of us, y'all, we learned toput on these masks because we're terrified
of being rejected for what we truly are.
And I think a lot of us would rather berejected for what we're not because it
hurts less because that's not really us.
Right.
The most life changing decision thatyou can make for yourself is, Oh my
God, I would rather be me than sacrificemy authentic self to fit in anywhere.
(13:17):
Let me talk real quick about my ownexperience because there's a lot of
formative things that have happenedin the last few years of my life
that have really woken me up to thisthat I feel like are worth sharing.
Okay?
So y'all know I graduated in.
December of 2019 fromcollege studied marketing.
As soon as I got out,I had a job lined up.
I was only in that job forthree months before COVID hit.
(13:39):
And I got laid off because mycompany filed for bankruptcy.
And what I learned real freaking quick inbusiness is that you are simply a number.
It doesn't matter howbig the organization is.
If that company has to make cuts,you're on the chopping block, babe.
It's a business decision,and it's not personal at all.
(13:59):
After I got laid off from that job, Iwent on to work for another corporation.
And what I noticed in both of theseenvironments in the couple years that I
was there across both organizations wasthat these big corporate environments,
We're very highly competitive.
They fostered a very, Iwouldn't say human environment.
It was like the really strict type ofbusiness environment that you see in
(14:23):
movies where it's like, you know, there'san office etiquette, there's a way to
behave and people don't really share like.
Intimate details about their lives.
Like I didn't feel like I was superclose with a lot of my co workers It was
very very businessy and that could havealso been reflective of my mindset at
the time because you know, I graduatedand wanted to make a good impression
(14:45):
and very much separated my business andpersonal life and What I noticed really
quickly in those environments is thatI felt like my creativity was stifled.
I felt like I wasn't fully expressingmyself because I wasn't because I
was being kind of a different versionof myself when I walked through
(15:05):
those doors of work than I wasbeing in my day to day outside life.
And for some people, that's no problem.
Some people have no problem being twodifferent versions of themselves at work.
But what I realized is that when I startedbeing kind of like more reserved and
buttoned up and professional and lessexpressive in my role in my nine to five
(15:27):
job, it bled a lot into my personal life.
I feel like people don'ttalk about this enough.
I don't know how it is in otherindustries, but at least in the business
world, I've, I've heard this samecomplaint from a lot of other people
that you really struggle to separatelike business and your normal life.
And so you almost start stifling yourself,like stuffing down your self expression,
(15:50):
stuffing down your weird, your goofy,your fun, because when you're in the
office, you have to get shit done, right?
And being in business as well,especially as a woman, especially
being kind of, you know, I'vealways been sensitive and emotional.
There's like this need tolike, prove yourself, right?
Especially if you're in a male dominatedindustry, you want to make a really
(16:11):
good impression, a strong impression.
You don't want people to perceive you asa week and Let me just say, I'm at a place
now where I know my emotions don't makeme weak, but at the time, I thought they
did, and so many other people do as well.
So, if you decide to be yourfull, emotional, sensitive self
at work, you have to know therisks that come with that, right?
(16:32):
when I was at my job, I watched thatbleed into my personal life and I
didn't even realize the extent of thisuntil I started working a job with
a completely different environment.
So I'm still in this job now.
I've been at this job for 2 years.
Y'all it is the best job I've ever had.
In my whole life, I am so thankful forthe environment that I have at this job.
(16:55):
It fosters just such a down to earth.
You can be who youreally are type of vibe.
When you go in the owners of thecompany sit on the floor, they
don't even have their own offices.
They're the most down to earth people.
They're so themselves.
They don't really have that.
You know, business versus personal.
Well, I don't really know them personally.
So I guess I don't know that they justhave a very human feel, I guess, like in
(17:19):
the office and that has fostered a culturefor everyone else to be that way too.
When I started working in thisenvironment, I no longer felt like I
had to put on a facade when I came in.
I felt like I could still beprofessional, but speak my mind, say
what I was really thinking, share whatwas going on in my personal life with
my co workers who I got close with.
(17:40):
It no longer felt like such ahighly competitive environment.
It felt like I could come in, Icould make mistakes, I could learn,
I could grow, and I could sit hereand talk to you all day about my job.
But the point is, I finally got into anenvironment where I felt like I could
drop the facade and I could drop the mask.
So that's why this has been on mymind so much lately is I see what
(18:02):
an incredible change being in thatkind of environment has made for
me over the last couple years.
Like I have just reached differentlevels of self acceptance that I've
never had before in my adult life.
I feel like I can relax a lot more.
I'm not worried so much about howI'm presenting myself all the time.
I feel comfortable to get onthis mic and share my experience.
(18:25):
Really personal, honest things aboutmyself and not fear for my job safety.
and that's a beautiful thing, guys.
It's very liberating because I realizedthat, you know, the job I was working
before, although there's nothing wrongwith that job, that job wasn't bad.
The environment that I was in forme personally, Made me feel like
(18:46):
I couldn't be my authentic self.
And I watched how that reallymessed with my mental health.
It really messed with my, my joy, myhappiness, my contentness at work.
And that bleeds into everything else.
Like if you're in a job, you'respending eight, nine hours there a day.
Maybe even more depending onwhat kind of job you're in.
(19:08):
So for me, I just realized, wow, ifI want to be my most authentic self,
I need to create an environment.
I need to be in an environment whereI feel like I can actually do that.
So the encouragement that I have foryou today is if you've never really
like looked around at your friendgroups, at your career, at https: otter.
ai
(19:34):
Does this environment bring out the mostauthentic version of me where I feel like
I can drop the mask and drop the facade?
If you've never asked yourself thatquestion, I really encourage you to,
I think life feels so much more free.
It feels less heavy.
You feel like you're not in your head somuch when you're not constantly worried.
(19:56):
about how other people areperceiving you when you're not so
worried about failure, and you knowthat that's part of the process.
Like my job encourages me to fail.
I'm not made fun of or criticized orI don't feel like I'm going to lose
my job because I make a mistake.
And that's not to say that Idon't care and I'm careless.
It just means that I I'mable to take more risks.
(20:20):
I'm able to be more creative.
I'm able to be more of myself and nothave fear associated with it, right?
Because that's what it is, guys,what it comes down to is fear.
so many of us just live ourlife in fear constantly, and we
don't fully express ourselves.
We don't say what we're really thinking.
We don't do the things that we reallywanna do because we are terrified of
(20:41):
rejection or social suicide or failure.
Or any fill in the blank bad quote unquotething that could happen that we sacrifice
being who we really are and doingthe things that we really want to do.
And what I have learned y'all is that thecost of that is just way too expensive.
(21:02):
It's way too expensive.
I'm not sacrificing my peace anymore.
I'm not sacrificing myauthentic self anymore.
I want to be around people and be insituations where I can be me, where
I'm not afraid of being rejected.
Where I can be me.
And honestly, when you get morecomfortable with your authentic
(21:23):
self, you stop fearing rejection.
You stop fearing failure so much.
And that's not to say that you'reabsolutely invincible and you
don't have emotions anymore andyou just do whatever you want.
No, you start taking more and more care.
Calculated risks slowly over time.
You assess the situation.
You see what's safe.
(21:43):
You don't put yourself in stupidpositions to get fired from your job or
to do things that are totally uncalledfor without a care in the world.
No, I'm not saying that,but the more that you.
Little by little, push yourself to showpeople more of who you really are to do
the things that you really want to do.
The more that you push yourself to dothat, the easier that it gets over time.
(22:07):
And then it just kind of becomes adomino effect and you start watching
how every choice that you makestarts going back to those questions
that we started the episode with.
Do I feel good in this environment?
Do I like this personthat I'm on a date with?
How do they make me feel?
I don't know.
Do I like this job?
If you're listening to this and you'relike, I'm led, I don't know how you
(22:29):
can be so delusionally confident.
Like I got bills to pay.
I just want love.
I don't have time to like demand the best.
I get what you're saying.
And I've been in that position before,especially after I got laid off, I
was like, shit, I just need to getanother job so I can pay the bills
and keep this roof over my head.
Like I get it.
That's real life shit.
(22:50):
And when I was in relationshipswith people who dreamed me, I didn't
think that there was any other way.
Like I felt trapped.
I felt like I had to stay there.
So first of all, what I'll say is like.
Those emotions and feelings are reallytruly valid, but I need you to recognize
that the only way that your life is goingto become what you want it to be is if
(23:13):
that's a conscious choice that you make.
And that means making hard decisions.
That means saying goodbye to peopleand places and things that don't
support the highest version ofyourself and that don't see your worth.
the other thing I'll say about this toois when you do see your worth, when you
know what you bring to the table, when youknow that who you are at your core isn't
(23:34):
perfect, but is worthy and is special,you start attracting things of that same
frequency and of that same vibration.
Think about it.
If you go into a date and youare worried the entire time about
how that person is perceivingyou, are you going to be relaxed?
Are you going to have fun?
Or are you going to be tryingto, like, say the right thing?
(23:57):
And are you going to be super nervous?
And are you going tocome off as calculated?
Are you going to be something completelydifferent than what you actually are?
How can you attract the personwho is meant for you if you can't
even be yourself around them?
Do you know what I'm saying?
And how can you find a job that alignswith your values and what you want if
(24:18):
you're sitting and playing a role ofthis perfect employee that answers every
question perfectly in the interview?
You're not going to.
You're going to keep attractingthe wrong things that lead to
wrong outcomes in your life.
The highest vibration that you canradiate at Is your most authentic self.
Honestly, the more I go along thishealing journey, the more in touch that
(24:41):
I get with who I am to my core, what Itruly want, who I really feel like I am.
The less I feel the need to impressother people, the less I feel the need to
have my choices make sense to everyone.
You know, the less I feel theneed to want everybody to like me.
And there's always going to bea human element of, you know,
(25:02):
we're wired for connection.
You need your tribe.
You're going to need your peoplewho have your back, but I have those
people and something tells me that ifyou're a good person, you have some of
those people to that know you and seeyou as you truly are and accept you.
And so if you have thosepeople, that's all you need.
All you need is a small, a smallgroup in your corner, even a
(25:24):
couple people in your corner.
That's all you need to feelempowered to be yourself.
Because the rest of theworld doesn't matter.
The spotlight isn't on you.
Every single other person out thereand their mother is worried about how
other people are perceiving them becausethey haven't realized this truth yet.
They haven't realized thatthey are already enough.
(25:44):
Exactly as they are.
You don't need to be anything.
You don't need to achieve anything.
You don't need to change anythingabout yourself to be worthy.
The only thing that you need to changeis your mindset and how you see yourself.
And when you make that consciouschoice to start treating yourself as
worthy and, and different and special.
That attracts thingsof the same vibration.
(26:08):
Okay.
So wrestling fam, I really hopethat this episode makes you think a
little bit differently about goingwhere you're appreciated and where
you feel like you can be yourself.
It's really, really important.
And life is way too short totry to fit into a little box
that you don't belong in.
To try to please other people, to tryto be things that you're simply not.
(26:29):
Life's way too short for that, babe.
And I don't want that for you.
And I know deep down, youdon't want that for yourself.
So start shifting your mindset inthose conversations to make sure that
the, the choices and the people andthe jobs and the places and everything
that you're, you're doing and goingand seeing is in alignment with who you
are to your core that make you feel.
(26:51):
Like you can be all of you thatmake you feel like you can relax.
And if those things don't feellike it sprint as fast as you
can in the opposite direction.
Okay.
What's meant for you cannot missyou if you guys like this episode,
please leave me a five star ratingon either Apple podcast or Spotify
(27:12):
ratings help the podcast to grow.
And when we grow guys, I can keepbringing you these pep talks.
We can keep getting out of our headstogether and we can keep getting
this encouraging kind of content.
And more people's earswho need to hear it.
Okay.
Let's get out there and grab lifeby the freaking balls this week.
Love you guys so much.
We will talk soon.
Bye.
What's up, you guys.
Oh, welcome back to another episodeof the wrestling with life podcast.
I'm your host.
I'm led.
I'm in a silly goofy mood today.
We're going to have some goodfrickin vibes on the podcast.
And we got a really good topic.
Y'all.
We're talking about going where youcan be yourself and feel appreciated.
(00:33):
And this is just such an importantthing to embody in your life because
life is too short to go placeswhere you feel like you can't be
yourself and you feel unappreciated.
So today, y'all, we're going to talkabout why it is so hard to be our
fricking selves in this world and howyou can practically start shifting your
mindset and making choices That endwith you being in places where you do
(00:58):
feel like you can be your most authenticself and you do feel appreciated.
If you are brand new to thepodcast, thanks for tuning in.
Wrestling with life is all aboutgetting out of our heads together, baby.
And if you are an ambitious overthinker,you're going to want to press that follow
button and keep tuning in for episodesevery single Tuesday because life is
too short to stay in your head all thetime And to hold yourself back from
(01:21):
all you can be because of that, right?
So welcome to the wrestling squad Youguys this topic i'm super freaking
pumped to talk about because it'sreally been on my heart lately And
i've just really been thinking abouthow important it is and I have a lot
of juicy insights to share with you.
Okay, so i'm gonna need you to buckle thefrick up for this episode Before we get
into it, I have a couple announcements.
(01:42):
So if you are one of my Monday motivationlisteners, you like the Monday motivations
that I've been putting out, you mightbe like, I'm led where the Frick was
the Monday morning motivation this week.
I'm sorry, you guys, Ipromise this is the last time.
That I switch it up on you, but weare going back to Tuesday episodes.
I know I have been all over the placewith the consistency of the episodes.
(02:03):
I'm so sorry.
I'm still figuring out this podcast thing.
Okay.
And I also have a nine to fivejob and I got other shit to do.
So I'm trying to balance everything.
This is the last timeI'm changing it though.
Okay.
We will have episodes every single Tuesdayonly from here on out in the future.
I'm working on a Patreon.
which is basically a paidsubscription that you can
(02:23):
subscribe to for bonus content.
And I will have bonus episodes likeMonday Motivations available there.
I'll have behind the scenes content.
I'll have personalized videos andmessages and maybe even exclusive merch.
Once my merch gets up andrunning, it's getting close.
I'm still kind of playing around withwhat that will look like, but it is in
the works and you will be able to find.
(02:44):
Monday motivations thereeventually, but just not right now.
Okay.
So every Tuesday we will have episodes.
I promise I'm sticking to that.
I will not be changing it again.
And also you may have noticed that theintro to the pod changed a little bit.
The little intro music, I don'tknow about y'all, but that like.
Intro, listening to it overand over and over again when
(03:06):
I was editing, it's intense.
It's like very in your face and loud.
And there'd be times that Iwould just like, listen to it and
literally jump out of my skin.
And I don't want that to be the vibe.
When y'all listen to this podcast, Iwant you to feel relaxed and encouraged.
I don't want you to feel like,Oh my God, turn the volume down.
So we got a little softer vibe now.
Okay.
(03:26):
Bye.
Now that I'm done rambling, let's getinto the motherfrickin content, y'all.
So we're talking about going where youcan be yourself and feel appreciated.
And guys, this is a hard one becauseall of us just want to feel like we are
accepted, and that we fit in, and thatwe're loved, and that we're valued.
And when we grow up, Wego through shit, right?
(03:47):
Like, if you've ever been bullied, ifyou've ever been kind of in, like, a home
environment that feels really unsafe,basically, if you've ever had any kind of
trauma happen to you ever, you know thatit's not as easy to just be yourself.
Like, you're on alert.
You're protecting yourself.
A lot of us learn to wear masksvery strategically to protect our
(04:08):
authentic self from rejection and harm.
It's a very human thing.
It's a universal experience, okay?
Okay.
And when people are like, be yourself, beyourself, be yourself, I get so irritated
hearing that because it's not that easyand real shit has happened to all of us.
That makes it not feel that easy.
Okay, so let's acknowledge that.
And let's not shame ourselves forstruggling to be our authentic selves.
(04:32):
Okay, I am convinced that childhoodis like a really beautiful time where
you're blissfully unaware about allthe harm and all the crap in the
world and then real life shit hitsand then the rest of our adulthood.
Is basically spent trying to recreateour childhood, trying to reconnect with
our authentic selves, trying to findpeace, trying to just like, feel like us
(04:54):
again, and this might not be everyone'sexperience, but I feel like it's so many
people's experience, like so many peoplethat I have deep conversations with,
like, this is something that they haveexperienced at one point or another in
their lives, What we're talking abouttoday is really important, and we're only
going to probably scratch the surface ona much bigger conversation about living
authentically and finding yourself again.
(05:16):
But today I want to focus specificallyon purposefully surrounding yourself with
people and environments and situations.
That genuinely make you feel like youcan be your authentic self because it's
honestly to get the ball rolling tofind yourself again to get connected
with who you are at your core.
It really starts by being deliberateabout the choices that you make, the
(05:40):
places that you go and the peoplethat you surround yourself with.
Okay.
I'm really realizing, especially inthis season of my life that I'm in,
just how important this is up untillike the last year or so, you guys
know, like, I was not in the greatestplace with myself for a very long time.
Really, really struggled with myself esteem with my confidence.
(06:02):
And what I didn't realize at the timeis how much of that had to do with who
was around me, the places that I wasgoing, the habits that I was practicing.
those are all things that arewithin our control, right?
So we can't control the bad thingsthat happen to us, we can't control
the trauma that happens, but we cancontrol how we respond to that, right?
(06:24):
So I want everyone listening to recognizeif you are feeling lost from yourself and
you feel like you aren't yourself rightnow, the good news is Is that it's in
your power to get yourself back, baby.
You have the power.
You have the tools and you havethe control, whether you think you
do or not to find yourself again.
Okay, so let's get that straightbefore we say anything else.
(06:45):
right off the rip.
I want to share with you a reallycrucial mindset change that I need you
to make when you're approaching anysort of situation or person or anything.
Okay.
Okay.
This, what I'm about to tell you hasradically improved my self confidence,
the way that I approach other people,jobs, opportunities, like literally
(07:07):
everything in my life changed whenI started embracing this mentality.
Okay.
when you are on a date, or you're in ajob interview, or you're being pitched
an opportunity of any kind, whenyou're with a group of friends, the
question in your mind should not be,Oh my God, does this person like me?
Is this going well?
(07:28):
Am I making a good impression?
Am I qualified enough for this?
Do I fit in here?
how am I coming off?
No, no, no, no, no.
The question should not be that.
The question should be, do I likethis person that I'm on a date with?
Do they make me feel like Ican be my most authentic self?
Do I feel relaxed around them?
(07:49):
Do I feel good around them?
Do I feel confident?
Do I feel safe?
It should not be, doesthis person like me?
It should be, do I like this person?
And same thing when you'rein a job interview, babe.
You shouldn't be sitting there thinking,Oh my god, am I making a good impression?
Am I qualified enough for this position?
Is this going well?
(08:09):
Am I answering the questions correctly?
Am I being what they want me to be?
Absolutely freaking not.
The question should be, does thisrole fit in with my goals and
where I want to go and what Iwant to do and who I want to be?
Will this role fit into all therequirements of what I want for a job?
It should no longer be, doesthe recruiter, does the person
(08:32):
sitting across from me like me?
I'm telling you, when you start askingyourself these kind of questions, instead
of worrying so much about how the otherperson is perceiving you in the situation,
your self confidence skyrockets.
Because what's happening?
You're putting yourself first.
You're making sure that you're safe.
(08:53):
That you're comfortable that youfeel good rather than worrying about
the other person in the situation.
And a lot of times, you guys, wego into dates or jobs thinking
already that you're comfortable.
That we want the person or the jobon the other side of that table.
So we go in and we createthis like romanticized or
idealized version of that thing.
(09:15):
We decide it's amazing and wonderfuland that we want to be a part of it.
And so we go in trying to impress.
Trying to prove our worth because wefeel like that's how we're gonna get that
thing, but that's not how it works, baby.
First of all, my first point here isthat you have no idea whether or not
a person is good for you or has allthe things that you want or would be a
(09:38):
good fit in your life until you spendmultiple dates a lot of time with them.
You have a lot of hard conversations.
That's not a question thatyou can answer by looking at
someone's photo on a dating app.
You Okay, that's not a questionthat you can answer because your
friend set you up with someone andtold you how great they were and so
you came in with high expectations.
(09:59):
No, when you sit across from someoneon a date, you know nothing about them.
They're a stranger, youknow, absolutely nothing.
And any blanks that you filled in thathave decided that this person is great
already was created in your head.
Mind same thing with a job you go intoan interview and you're like, oh my god.
This is my dream job Yeah, maybeon paper maybe on paper the
(10:21):
job description sounded great.
But what about the people thatyou're gonna work with every day?
What about what you'll actually be doingbecause we all know some job descriptions
lie Oh, we all know that don't we weknow that sometimes we start a job and
we're like, whoa This is nothing likeI thought it was gonna be There are
so many different variables that comeinto play when it comes to choosing a
(10:43):
partner, choosing a group of friends,choosing a job, making any life decision.
There are so many variablesthat come into play.
So when you can have that mindsetshift, instead of, do I fit in
with this person, place, or thing?
Instead, it's, does that person,place, or thing fit in with me?
(11:05):
You put yourself back upon the pedestal, baby.
You remember that you're the frickinprize, that you have immense self
worth, that you have so much tobring to the table, and not everybody
should just get access to you.
Not everybody should geta piece of you, baby.
And that's in every element of your life.
You want to have higher self worth.
(11:26):
You want to have more confidence.
That is the mindset that you shouldbe having when you go into the world.
Anywhere.
It helps you to get out of your head.
It helps you to relax.
It helps you to accept your authenticself first, because rather than
adapting who you are to fit in with anenvironment, you're saying, does this
environment make room for all that I am?
(11:48):
Does this environment, Does this persongive me space to be all that I am, or
am I conforming myself to fit here?
So many of us guys, we, we go throughthese horrible experiences early
in our lives that make us thinkthat we have to be something other
than what we really are in orderto be accepted, in order to fit in.
(12:08):
The truth is that your mostauthentic self is not going
to fit in, in a lot of places.
It's true.
But neither will your fabricated self.
So basically you have two choices.
You can be hated for what you are, oryou can be hated for what you are not.
Like truly, no matter where you go inlife, there are going to be places,
(12:29):
people, and things that don't like you ordon't mesh with you or don't fit with you.
So are you trying to fit a fabricatedversion of yourself into a place?
That doesn't want you reallythink about that for a second.
Okay.
You have the choice of either being allthat you are and realizing that that's
not for everybody and everything, oryou can be a fake version of yourself.
(12:52):
That's also not for everyone or anything.
And so many of us, y'all, we learned toput on these masks because we're terrified
of being rejected for what we truly are.
And I think a lot of us would rather berejected for what we're not because it
hurts less because that's not really us.
Right.
The most life changing decision thatyou can make for yourself is, Oh my
God, I would rather be me than sacrificemy authentic self to fit in anywhere.
(13:17):
Let me talk real quick about my ownexperience because there's a lot of
formative things that have happenedin the last few years of my life
that have really woken me up to thisthat I feel like are worth sharing.
Okay?
So y'all know I graduated in.
December of 2019 fromcollege studied marketing.
As soon as I got out,I had a job lined up.
I was only in that job forthree months before COVID hit.
(13:39):
And I got laid off because mycompany filed for bankruptcy.
And what I learned real freaking quick inbusiness is that you are simply a number.
It doesn't matter howbig the organization is.
If that company has to make cuts,you're on the chopping block, babe.
It's a business decision,and it's not personal at all.
(13:59):
After I got laid off from that job, Iwent on to work for another corporation.
And what I noticed in both of theseenvironments in the couple years that I
was there across both organizations wasthat these big corporate environments,
We're very highly competitive.
They fostered a very, Iwouldn't say human environment.
It was like the really strict type ofbusiness environment that you see in
(14:23):
movies where it's like, you know, there'san office etiquette, there's a way to
behave and people don't really share like.
Intimate details about their lives.
Like I didn't feel like I was superclose with a lot of my co workers It was
very very businessy and that could havealso been reflective of my mindset at
the time because you know, I graduatedand wanted to make a good impression
(14:45):
and very much separated my business andpersonal life and What I noticed really
quickly in those environments is thatI felt like my creativity was stifled.
I felt like I wasn't fully expressingmyself because I wasn't because I
was being kind of a different versionof myself when I walked through
(15:05):
those doors of work than I wasbeing in my day to day outside life.
And for some people, that's no problem.
Some people have no problem being twodifferent versions of themselves at work.
But what I realized is that when I startedbeing kind of like more reserved and
buttoned up and professional and lessexpressive in my role in my nine to five
(15:27):
job, it bled a lot into my personal life.
I feel like people don'ttalk about this enough.
I don't know how it is in otherindustries, but at least in the business
world, I've, I've heard this samecomplaint from a lot of other people
that you really struggle to separatelike business and your normal life.
And so you almost start stifling yourself,like stuffing down your self expression,
(15:50):
stuffing down your weird, your goofy,your fun, because when you're in the
office, you have to get shit done, right?
And being in business as well,especially as a woman, especially
being kind of, you know, I'vealways been sensitive and emotional.
There's like this need tolike, prove yourself, right?
Especially if you're in a male dominatedindustry, you want to make a really
(16:11):
good impression, a strong impression.
You don't want people to perceive you asa week and Let me just say, I'm at a place
now where I know my emotions don't makeme weak, but at the time, I thought they
did, and so many other people do as well.
So, if you decide to be yourfull, emotional, sensitive self
at work, you have to know therisks that come with that, right?
(16:32):
when I was at my job, I watched thatbleed into my personal life and I
didn't even realize the extent of thisuntil I started working a job with
a completely different environment.
So I'm still in this job now.
I've been at this job for 2 years.
Y'all it is the best job I've ever had.
In my whole life, I am so thankful forthe environment that I have at this job.
(16:55):
It fosters just such a down to earth.
You can be who youreally are type of vibe.
When you go in the owners of thecompany sit on the floor, they
don't even have their own offices.
They're the most down to earth people.
They're so themselves.
They don't really have that.
You know, business versus personal.
Well, I don't really know them personally.
So I guess I don't know that they justhave a very human feel, I guess, like in
(17:19):
the office and that has fostered a culturefor everyone else to be that way too.
When I started working in thisenvironment, I no longer felt like I
had to put on a facade when I came in.
I felt like I could still beprofessional, but speak my mind, say
what I was really thinking, share whatwas going on in my personal life with
my co workers who I got close with.
(17:40):
It no longer felt like such ahighly competitive environment.
It felt like I could come in, Icould make mistakes, I could learn,
I could grow, and I could sit hereand talk to you all day about my job.
But the point is, I finally got into anenvironment where I felt like I could
drop the facade and I could drop the mask.
So that's why this has been on mymind so much lately is I see what
(18:02):
an incredible change being in thatkind of environment has made for
me over the last couple years.
Like I have just reached differentlevels of self acceptance that I've
never had before in my adult life.
I feel like I can relax a lot more.
I'm not worried so much about howI'm presenting myself all the time.
I feel comfortable to get onthis mic and share my experience.
(18:25):
Really personal, honest things aboutmyself and not fear for my job safety.
and that's a beautiful thing, guys.
It's very liberating because I realizedthat, you know, the job I was working
before, although there's nothing wrongwith that job, that job wasn't bad.
The environment that I was in forme personally, Made me feel like
(18:46):
I couldn't be my authentic self.
And I watched how that reallymessed with my mental health.
It really messed with my, my joy, myhappiness, my contentness at work.
And that bleeds into everything else.
Like if you're in a job, you'respending eight, nine hours there a day.
Maybe even more depending onwhat kind of job you're in.
(19:08):
So for me, I just realized, wow, ifI want to be my most authentic self,
I need to create an environment.
I need to be in an environment whereI feel like I can actually do that.
So the encouragement that I have foryou today is if you've never really
like looked around at your friendgroups, at your career, at https: otter.
ai
(19:34):
Does this environment bring out the mostauthentic version of me where I feel like
I can drop the mask and drop the facade?
If you've never asked yourself thatquestion, I really encourage you to,
I think life feels so much more free.
It feels less heavy.
You feel like you're not in your head somuch when you're not constantly worried.
(19:56):
about how other people areperceiving you when you're not so
worried about failure, and you knowthat that's part of the process.
Like my job encourages me to fail.
I'm not made fun of or criticized orI don't feel like I'm going to lose
my job because I make a mistake.
And that's not to say that Idon't care and I'm careless.
It just means that I I'mable to take more risks.
(20:20):
I'm able to be more creative.
I'm able to be more of myself and nothave fear associated with it, right?
Because that's what it is, guys,what it comes down to is fear.
so many of us just live ourlife in fear constantly, and we
don't fully express ourselves.
We don't say what we're really thinking.
We don't do the things that we reallywanna do because we are terrified of
(20:41):
rejection or social suicide or failure.
Or any fill in the blank bad quote unquotething that could happen that we sacrifice
being who we really are and doingthe things that we really want to do.
And what I have learned y'all is that thecost of that is just way too expensive.
(21:02):
It's way too expensive.
I'm not sacrificing my peace anymore.
I'm not sacrificing myauthentic self anymore.
I want to be around people and be insituations where I can be me, where
I'm not afraid of being rejected.
Where I can be me.
And honestly, when you get morecomfortable with your authentic
(21:23):
self, you stop fearing rejection.
You stop fearing failure so much.
And that's not to say that you'reabsolutely invincible and you
don't have emotions anymore andyou just do whatever you want.
No, you start taking more and more care.
Calculated risks slowly over time.
You assess the situation.
You see what's safe.
(21:43):
You don't put yourself in stupidpositions to get fired from your job or
to do things that are totally uncalledfor without a care in the world.
No, I'm not saying that,but the more that you.
Little by little, push yourself to showpeople more of who you really are to do
the things that you really want to do.
The more that you push yourself to dothat, the easier that it gets over time.
(22:07):
And then it just kind of becomes adomino effect and you start watching
how every choice that you makestarts going back to those questions
that we started the episode with.
Do I feel good in this environment?
Do I like this personthat I'm on a date with?
How do they make me feel?
I don't know.
Do I like this job?
If you're listening to this and you'relike, I'm led, I don't know how you
(22:29):
can be so delusionally confident.
Like I got bills to pay.
I just want love.
I don't have time to like demand the best.
I get what you're saying.
And I've been in that position before,especially after I got laid off, I
was like, shit, I just need to getanother job so I can pay the bills
and keep this roof over my head.
Like I get it.
That's real life shit.
(22:50):
And when I was in relationshipswith people who dreamed me, I didn't
think that there was any other way.
Like I felt trapped.
I felt like I had to stay there.
So first of all, what I'll say is like.
Those emotions and feelings are reallytruly valid, but I need you to recognize
that the only way that your life is goingto become what you want it to be is if
(23:13):
that's a conscious choice that you make.
And that means making hard decisions.
That means saying goodbye to peopleand places and things that don't
support the highest version ofyourself and that don't see your worth.
the other thing I'll say about this toois when you do see your worth, when you
know what you bring to the table, when youknow that who you are at your core isn't
(23:34):
perfect, but is worthy and is special,you start attracting things of that same
frequency and of that same vibration.
Think about it.
If you go into a date and youare worried the entire time about
how that person is perceivingyou, are you going to be relaxed?
Are you going to have fun?
Or are you going to be tryingto, like, say the right thing?
(23:57):
And are you going to be super nervous?
And are you going tocome off as calculated?
Are you going to be something completelydifferent than what you actually are?
How can you attract the personwho is meant for you if you can't
even be yourself around them?
Do you know what I'm saying?
And how can you find a job that alignswith your values and what you want if
(24:18):
you're sitting and playing a role ofthis perfect employee that answers every
question perfectly in the interview?
You're not going to.
You're going to keep attractingthe wrong things that lead to
wrong outcomes in your life.
The highest vibration that you canradiate at Is your most authentic self.
Honestly, the more I go along thishealing journey, the more in touch that
(24:41):
I get with who I am to my core, what Itruly want, who I really feel like I am.
The less I feel the need to impressother people, the less I feel the need to
have my choices make sense to everyone.
You know, the less I feel theneed to want everybody to like me.
And there's always going to bea human element of, you know,
(25:02):
we're wired for connection.
You need your tribe.
You're going to need your peoplewho have your back, but I have those
people and something tells me that ifyou're a good person, you have some of
those people to that know you and seeyou as you truly are and accept you.
And so if you have thosepeople, that's all you need.
All you need is a small, a smallgroup in your corner, even a
(25:24):
couple people in your corner.
That's all you need to feelempowered to be yourself.
Because the rest of theworld doesn't matter.
The spotlight isn't on you.
Every single other person out thereand their mother is worried about how
other people are perceiving them becausethey haven't realized this truth yet.
They haven't realized thatthey are already enough.
(25:44):
Exactly as they are.
You don't need to be anything.
You don't need to achieve anything.
You don't need to change anythingabout yourself to be worthy.
The only thing that you need to changeis your mindset and how you see yourself.
And when you make that consciouschoice to start treating yourself as
worthy and, and different and special.
That attracts thingsof the same vibration.
(26:08):
Okay.
So wrestling fam, I really hopethat this episode makes you think a
little bit differently about goingwhere you're appreciated and where
you feel like you can be yourself.
It's really, really important.
And life is way too short totry to fit into a little box
that you don't belong in.
To try to please other people, to tryto be things that you're simply not.
(26:29):
Life's way too short for that, babe.
And I don't want that for you.
And I know deep down, youdon't want that for yourself.
So start shifting your mindset inthose conversations to make sure that
the, the choices and the people andthe jobs and the places and everything
that you're, you're doing and goingand seeing is in alignment with who you
are to your core that make you feel.
(26:51):
Like you can be all of you thatmake you feel like you can relax.
And if those things don't feellike it sprint as fast as you
can in the opposite direction.
Okay.
What's meant for you cannot missyou if you guys like this episode,
please leave me a five star ratingon either Apple podcast or Spotify
(27:12):
ratings help the podcast to grow.
And when we grow guys, I can keepbringing you these pep talks.
We can keep getting out of our headstogether and we can keep getting
this encouraging kind of content.
And more people's earswho need to hear it.
Okay.
Let's get out there and grab lifeby the freaking balls this week.
Love you guys so much.
We will talk soon.
Bye.
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