Don't Judge the Addict

Today’s title is one that requires some definitions.  First of all, what is an addict?  What is addiction?  Addiction has more than one definition but usually involves becoming physically or psychologically dependent on a substance; it can sometimes apply to compulsive involvement in behavior, such as gambling or sexual compulsions.  Not all habits necessarily qualify as addictions. 

At some level, we are all prone to addictions, but some people are much more prone to them than others.  Genetics plays a key role in setting up proclivities to addiction.  Trauma also influences addictions by taking away someone’s ability to regulate his or her internal world.  Anxiety and depressive disorders can create or increase vulnerability to addictions.  Chronic pain and severe injury including head injury, can set up a person for addiction, especially if treatment for these ailments involves narcotics or other controlled substances.  We cannot tell just by looking at a person all the factors that may put that person at risk for addictions, and shaming them for being addicted is generally not helpful.  Addiction is an affliction, not something people plan to have.

There is a difference between dependence and addiction, though one can lead to the other.  A person who depends on a particular medication is not necessarily dealing with an addiction.  Sometimes the body cannot do for itself what it needs to do, and medications can be used appropriately to help with this.  Some people become dependent on medications that make their bodies function properly without becoming truly addicted, and sometimes we do not know all that is involved in another person’s medical care plan.  However, dependence can lead to addiction, and signs of this can include lessening attempts to find other coping skills and ways to be healthy.  At this time in history, we have an unprecedented opportunity to use pharmaceuticals in life-giving ways, but it can be very difficult to know how and when to do this.  Medications that were originally meant to help people can sometimes work their way into hearts, minds, souls, relationships, and lifestyles so that they destroy the people they were meant to help and harm others in addition.

Another term in today’s title is the word “judge.”  The phrase “do not judge” is frequently cited as coming from Jesus, though not always with proper understanding of the context in which He said this.  In Matthew 7:1-6, Jesus told us not to judge lest we be judged.  The compassion He showed and shows to sinners like us shows us how important a statement like this is to Him.  In our society, however, we sometimes misuse the phrase “Don’t judge,” using the authority of Jesus’s words to mean, “Don’t tell me I’m wrong,” or to imply that all behaviors must be accepted as equally moral.  But Jesus went on to tell us not to give dogs what is sacred or cast our pearls before pigs.  A few verses later He warned against false prophets.  How are we to obey the latter verses without making some kind of judgments?  In fact, the Bible says not to judge ourselves.  How, then, can we make behavioral decisions for ourselves?

The answer lies in the difference between judging behavior and judging a person’s heart, between determining that a behavior is harmful (or potentially harmful) and making negative assumptions about what is happening inside a person, between setting boundaries and shaming people.  Jesus says in John 7:24, “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.”  So, in the verses in Matthew, “do not judge” does not mean that love should be blind or undiscerning; on the contrary, loving well requires even more discernment than the kind of judging Jesus forbids.  It is healthy and right to recognize that some behaviors are harmful and wrong.  It is loving to want someone to be the best version of himself or herself and to encourage this in appropriate ways.  Wisdom often sees where particular behavioral patterns are leading, and love can motivate us to set limits with ourselves and others to avoid or minimize the harm that may be approaching.  Sometimes boundaries are necessary and healthy, and they can be set in ways that are not inherently shaming (though, for some people, encountering any kind of boundary activates their own inner shame).  Even deciding at last to walk away from an unhealthy situation can be done in kinder ways than simply ignoring or avoiding the person. 

So today’s title and message can be expanded to the following: “Don’t judge the addict; judge the behaviors.”  Judging behaviors well may lead us to encourage someone to get help or make changes, to pray for them and encourage them.  Judging behaviors well may sometimes lead us to accept that another person has free will and that the only healthy option we have is to walk away from a situation we cannot change.  Other people may sometimes confuse these things with judging in the way Jesus said not to judge,