December 23, 2022 • 47 mins
Stutz Dr Theo
I would be fine if I knew what direction to go in I would fly instead I become lazy
.
We also discussed the first step in therapy which is connecting with your internal energy
You do that in 3 steps:
1: Diet exercise and sleep
2: Connecting with others as we are tribal
3: Connecting with yourself your underlying feelings which is self awareness most effectively done by self journaling.
The Part X is that part of you stopping forward progress which could include the Shadow self or the Maze or the Snap Shot or simply the judgmental antisocial part of you. Eg you’ll never be good at that, or who wants to do that , or you are wasting your time trying this. Radical acceptance is a tool to help you get over something bad. Grateful Flow helps deal with negative thoughts and Loss processing deals with loss
The key is to understand that for forward progress and overcome Part X you need to go through a life time of:
Uncertainty pain and constant work. It is this process you need to enjoy ie the journey rather than the destination.It is overcoming Part X that leads to growth.
Failure pain embarrassment connects you to the universe you are saying I need your help I cannot do this without you.
Stutz says confidence is an appetite for uncertainty . I say this is not true because confidence is knowing how to do something which by definition is being certain.
Rather self esteem is an appetite for uncertainty because self esteem is the degree of positivity with which you view yourself and therefore an expectation of positive outcome . If things do not go well self esteem protects you from the negative effects and instead helps you learn and move on and apply those lessons in your next steps.
I am the one who gets to decide and take the next step. It will almost certainly be imperfect but progress is made by taking the steps aka string of pearls each with a turd in them
Indeed research shows that dopamine hits come from achievement and reward in general but it is much greater if the reward is unexpected. Hence watching sport has an element of unpredictability which is why so many people enjoy it. . Indeed when Formula 1 became too predictable the audience ratings fell so they changed the rules to make it more unpredictable. It is a positive expectation of an outcome that raises dopamine rather than the known outcome itself. The positive outcome will raise dopamine only if is unexpected. This explains how you can enjoy the journey of uncertainty pain and constant work. Your self esteem gives you an expectation of a positive outcome. It is the positive anticipation raising dopamine that makes this process enjoyable. This is especially important because it helps with sense of achievement and growth. The greater the effort the more meaningful the achievement. This then enables the parallel step of balance : Effort and reward must be balanced. Since more of life is effort rather than the result then the mechanism of being able to tolerate the effort is a positive expectation of success. Once you put in the effort the sense of achievement is fulfilling and makes you grow. Positive self esteem also helps us use failure as a growing opportunity and simply includes lessons learnt as part of the effort to the next step all under the umbrella of positive expectation of overall outcome.
Snap Shot relates to setting of a goal eg the perfect wife, the perfect success , the perfect amount of money in the bank which is static concept and has no depth and does not allow for ongoing progress with pain uncertainty and constant work. There is no perfect nirvana. Goals are illusionary needs and living life like this is one of the worst inventions of the Western World.
When the snap shot does not give you nirvana and cure your inner unhappiness you get much more depressed.
The Shadow is the part of yourself you are ashamed of.:
This is how I see myself and I felt so much shame that I was denying myself and and others would no longer see this if i got more successful
Visualist a time in your life you felt inferior embarrassed ,rejected, despondent ashamed its a part of yourself that you that you wish you were not and you cannot get rid of
How does he feel about you, how you have dealt with him how you have treated him and see what he says
Denying and being ashamed of it
THe shadow feels hurt angry and upset
The shadow wants attention not from the world -does not need an academy award- but from you
The shadow wants to be acknowledged and included and celebrated
I would be fine if I knew what direction to go in I would fly instead I become lazy
.
We also discussed the first step in therapy which is connecting with your internal energy
You do that in 3 steps:
1: Diet exercise and sleep
2: Connecting with others as we are tribal
3: Connecting with yourself your underlying feelings which is self awareness most effectively done by self journaling.
The Part X is that part of you stopping forward progress which could include the Shadow self or the Maze or the Snap Shot or simply the judgmental antisocial part of you. Eg you’ll never be good at that, or who wants to do that , or you are wasting your time trying this. Radical acceptance is a tool to help you get over something bad. Grateful Flow helps deal with negative thoughts and Loss processing deals with loss
The key is to understand that for forward progress and overcome Part X you need to go through a life time of:
Uncertainty pain and constant work. It is this process you need to enjoy ie the journey rather than the destination.It is overcoming Part X that leads to growth.
Failure pain embarrassment connects you to the universe you are saying I need your help I cannot do this without you.
Stutz says confidence is an appetite for uncertainty . I say this is not true because confidence is knowing how to do something which by definition is being certain.
Rather self esteem is an appetite for uncertainty because self esteem is the degree of positivity with which you view yourself and therefore an expectation of positive outcome . If things do not go well self esteem protects you from the negative effects and instead helps you learn and move on and apply those lessons in your next steps.
I am the one who gets to decide and take the next step. It will almost certainly be imperfect but progress is made by taking the steps aka string of pearls each with a turd in them
Indeed research shows that dopamine hits come from achievement and reward in general but it is much greater if the reward is unexpected. Hence watching sport has an element of unpredictability which is why so many people enjoy it. . Indeed when Formula 1 became too predictable the audience ratings fell so they changed the rules to make it more unpredictable. It is a positive expectation of an outcome that raises dopamine rather than the known outcome itself. The positive outcome will raise dopamine only if is unexpected. This explains how you can enjoy the journey of uncertainty pain and constant work. Your self esteem gives you an expectation of a positive outcome. It is the positive anticipation raising dopamine that makes this process enjoyable. This is especially important because it helps with sense of achievement and growth. The greater the effort the more meaningful the achievement. This then enables the parallel step of balance : Effort and reward must be balanced. Since more of life is effort rather than the result then the mechanism of being able to tolerate the effort is a positive expectation of success. Once you put in the effort the sense of achievement is fulfilling and makes you grow. Positive self esteem also helps us use failure as a growing opportunity and simply includes lessons learnt as part of the effort to the next step all under the umbrella of positive expectation of overall outcome.
Snap Shot relates to setting of a goal eg the perfect wife, the perfect success , the perfect amount of money in the bank which is static concept and has no depth and does not allow for ongoing progress with pain uncertainty and constant work. There is no perfect nirvana. Goals are illusionary needs and living life like this is one of the worst inventions of the Western World.
When the snap shot does not give you nirvana and cure your inner unhappiness you get much more depressed.
The Shadow is the part of yourself you are ashamed of.:
This is how I see myself and I felt so much shame that I was denying myself and and others would no longer see this if i got more successful
Visualist a time in your life you felt inferior embarrassed ,rejected, despondent ashamed its a part of yourself that you that you wish you were not and you cannot get rid of
How does he feel about you, how you have dealt with him how you have treated him and see what he says
Denying and being ashamed of it
THe shadow feels hurt angry and upset
The shadow wants attention not from the world -does not need an academy award- but from you
The shadow wants to be acknowledged and included and celebrated
Mark as Played
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